Hi. I've been married for 3 and 1/2 years and my husband and I have a close and lovely relationship. He grew up with 3 sisters and always had female friends when he was growing up. He has become close friends with a woman (who is friends with my sister and has a boyfriend) so at least I know her and talk to her. My problem is that I want to know if its OK for a husband to talk/text a female friend alot-almost everyday? He shows me his messages and tells me when they are meeting up and what they do but I'm still not sure if its normal. I know nothing sexual is happening but I'm jealous that they talk to each other so much (even after spending the day together). I talk to him all the time about my feelings- he even told her they can't be friends no more because I didn't like it, but I told him that I would work on my jealousy as I know its wrong to tell people who to be friends with. I know he will always choose me over her, am I just jealous or shouldn't they be talking and seeing each other so much?

Hi, s.swift!

Mine is the reverse situation from yours...

Because of the nature of most of the work that I've done, I.E. working musically in churches, teaching in schools and working in homes during the day, most of my friends are women. I do have some male friends though, with whom I'm very close.

While I do and have had females friends who are married, I always make it a point to meet their husband and to spend time with them as a couple as often as I can. Very rarely, has there been a problem with the husband with my being friends with their spouse.

So, in answer to your question, yes, they can.

It also looks as though your husband is doing the best that he can to make sure that everything is on the "up and up" with you.

Thanks!

I would say yes they can, mine does and I also have several male friends.

I think its healthy for us to have opposite sex friends.

If you feel pangs of jealousy just tell yourself its you he's with.

We have always had female, and male friends, between us. Strange though, I like and trust her male friends, better than most of her female ones. Join in sometimes, and you might find there is nothing to be jealous of.

I think there is a difference to be made between him hanging out with just her, and the four of you hanging out together.

If they are meeting up and doing things together, just the two of them, on a regular basis, then I'd say that's a bit much for a married man to do.

You note this is your sister's friend, and she has a boyfriend of her own. Why does she need to hang out with your husband.

I think that the mistake was yours when he offered to end it, and you said you'd work on your jealousy. You should have let him end it; it's getting 'too' close.

I guess the 'right' thing to say is that the insecurities are yours, not his, and you should be able to accept that he has female friends.

But, having been married 34 years myself, I can assure you that I would nip that in the bud, unless the four of you are socializing together.

Both of them are crossing boundaries there.

Thank you all for your replies, this helps me a lot. We do hang out sometimes as couple so it is not always just the two of them

Look at it this way... Is she a friend of the both of you who happens to see him more often or is she a friend of his who you see sometimes? Sisters and boyfriends don't enter the question at this point.

If she's your(plural) friend, what's the big hoo-ha?

If she's his friend, would she be who you(singular) would look for in a friend?

She is more his friend than mine, I get on with her OK she is a nice girl, we do text sometimes and Facebook each other but he connects more with her than I do. I'm quite insecure about myself and I suppose this is what is causing my feelings because I truly do believe now that they are just friends who get on well. There must be lots of woman who have men as their best friends even if they are married? So I think it's the same for my husband

It occurs to me that you recognize a flaw you have, and want to do something about it. I think that's a great approach, as once you get over your insecurities, with some positive strategies this will no longer be an issue, and if it is, you can deal with it with your husband, and get some positive results.

Having certain feelings is human and normal, as long as you don't get carried away by them, and cross the lines of good behavior.

I don't think you have.

My wife stole all my female friends, and now they hang out with her, and barely say hi to me any more. :mad:Whats a guy to do.:confused:

I wonder how her boy friend feels about them communicating so much.

I have male friends but I don't communicate with them everyday. One of them just got married and I don't connect with him as much any more because his new wife is kind of iffy about him having female friends. So it's no big deal. I speak when I see him send an occasional email and that's it. But I don't text or call.
I think it's a bit much.
It may not be anything, but neither of them are single so you have to take your mates feelings into consideration, just out of courtesy.

Perhaps it depends upon what one's definition of 'friend' is.

She talks, chats, texts him every day. They hang out together and do stuff, and even when they spend a day together as our OP stated, she is still chatting, texting, and talking to him.

I think Homegirl hit the nail on the head on this one.

I think (no, I know ) I would be a little uncomfortable if it were my husband. I don't think he's doing anything wrong but spending that much time texting and Facebooking (which I hate) would probably make me feel a little uneasy.

Start having confidence in yourself and I'm sure you'll feel more secure.

I think her boyfriend is OK about it. At first I think he was a bit jealous (which is understandable) but now I think he is fine. My husband talks to her boyfriend often and are mates now, he even hangs out with both of them if I'm at work and then I join in when finished, her boyfriend seems to be relaxed with my husband and hasn't said anything to him or her.

Hey! It's great to have good friends!

I'm glad that things are getting better now! :)

It is normal tendency to feel jealous, but every person needs to realise that every individual has his or her own life, and they had lived a life before the spouse came into his/her life... They had their own list of gal and boy friends, as far as the relationship is healthy, it great... if it wasn't first of all you wouldn't be told about the existence of such a person at all, it's that simple.. so make friends and enjoy life...