A man bought himself a Corvette after breaking up with his wife. He decided to go for a drive on the Interstate to get rid of his problems. He wants to see how fast this thing would go and punches it to 70, then 80, then 90. He sees red and blue lights gflashing behind him. He decides they can't catch me, this is a Corvette and races up ahead a bit more. Whoa, what am I doing he says to himself and decides to pull over. The cop gets out and looks at the Corvette and the driver. Then the cop says. It's Friday the 13tth. I don't need any more paperwork, don't need any more crap. I just want to get home. If you give me one good excuse, one that I have not heard before, I'll let you go. The man says, "Well, you see my nagging wife ran off with a cop and I thought you were chasing me to try and give her back". The cop says "Have a nice weekend".

I need a good laugh today twinkie. Really enjoyed this one :D

This is getting a ticket the easy way!

This lady comes driving over a bridge going way over the speed limit. A cop sitting on the other side of the bridge with a radar gun pulls her over and ask.

" Ma'am why are you driving so fast"

She replies "Well officer I am running late for work."

"And what do you do."

She says "I am a rectum stretcher"

"A WHAT!"

She says "A rectum stretcher"

"And what exactly does a rectum stretcher do?"

She says "Well what you do is you stick one finger in and work it around. Then you go to two, then three until you get a fist in. You work that around until you can get two fist in and you stretch it until it's about 6 feet."

The officer looks at her in shock and ask. "What in the hell do you need with a 6 foot a**hole."

She says "Well you stick a radar gun in his hand and put him on the other side of a bridge."

Both good ones :D

Another added to the list of what to say when caught speeding :D