For the past few months I have been noticing a few things changing in my boyfriends behaviour. We have been together for 2.5 years and also live together so I have a pretty good understanding of what he is like. He is in his final year of university, studying for his music degree. He has also recently been asked to go on a national tour, which is really exciting and is his first real gig as a musician. Lately though he gets very upset easily when things don't work out as planned, particularly things to do with music. He is nearly finished his degree and still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He never goes and socialises with friends anymore, and I'm not sure that he even has friends at uni at the moment because I have been told by several people that he doesn't really have any really good friends that he can rely on, just aquaintances. He is very sexualy withdrawn from me, and he also has low self esteem. I am really worried and want to bring this up with him, but just wanted to get some advice first. He isn't particularly close to his parents, as we don't live in the same town as them but I really want to call them and discuss it because I know that he suffered depression in high school about 5 years ago so maybe they will know if this is just a phase he is going through or whether he really does have depression again. Any thoughts??

Hi, pixiegurl!

What kind of music degree will he be getting, please?

Thanks!

He is doing a bachelor of music majoring in piano and conducting.

Already, he and I have a lot in common!

Will he also be able to teach in public schools? Also, what kind of piano music is he performing?

Thanks!

Some people are reserved and more "internal"... that doesn't mean depression

That said... as a guy who has gone through two really, really ugly boughts of depression... who has read about it and sought out help for it... I would at least say he has some of the possible symptoms...

Isolation is a classic hallmark of depression.

Stress, mental or physical, can bring on or amplify depression. It can come from worrying about his future, his future with you, and/or other things.

Does your guy exercise at all? One of the best "natural" treatments for depression is exercise. It boosts self image, it balances hormones, etc...

So... getting him to walk with you for an hour... is that possible?

Honestly... if he is really clinically depressed... it can be out of his control physiologically. The levels of seratonin and dopamine aren't simply controlled by "happy thoughts".. sometimes there are imbalances that need to be addressed.

That said... getting a depressed person to be vested in his/her health and to go to a doctor is not the easiest thing to do...

Depending on what he wants to and is required to do musically, it might be something very tied into what might appear to be or could be depression.

Did we lose you here, pixiegurl?

You don't appear to be logged onto the site anymore.

Did we lose you here, pixiegurl?

You don't appear to be logged onto the site anymore.

Uhm... if she's not logged in she can't see this...

And she isn't logged in...

So...

As with other threads... give it some time?

She could also be... invisible... as you and I are!

So the green "light" on and off mean nothing...

She's reading the thread now.

Mystery solved.

Depression is not something that can be diagnosed by anybody other than a Doctor.

I agree with you that there are some serious signs here. He's not just been in a 'blue' mood, or going through any major losses (death for example, of a loved one). This hasn't been something that has only gone on for a short period due to a disappointment of some type, or letdown, or the other trials and tribulations of day to day life that get us all down in the dumps from time to time.

When the symptoms as you have described, go on for a long period, and progress to where he is isolating himself from the world, and there seems to be no obvious reason for it, I would be concerned too.

He is withdrawn from you, socially isolated, he gets upset easily, and has low self esteem. Those factors, over time, that do not improve, should be addressed.

While the stress of being near graduation and the tour may be stressful as well, it doesn't seem like those things have caused this slide in his emotional health. Contributed, likely, but not caused by.

Before speaking with his parents, try to convince him to see a Doctor for a complete physical. See if he can't open up a bit to a Doctor about this long lasting, downward slide emotionally, and if he should be assessed further.

I wouldn't contact his parents without his consent. But, if you know them well, that's another matter. But, he is not close to them, and it may be necessary for you to speak to them to gather some clues about how his depression was treated in the past.

You are a good observer, and have certainly said enough here that I would have the same concerns as you.

If he is still talking to you, try digging a little deeper and see if he doesn't give you any clues himself, that he thinks something is wrong also.

Also, some things that might appear to be depression, might also be the intense moodiness of an artist.

But, we don't really have all of the facts here yet...