I am really in a confused state. Please help me,
I want to know if I lost my virginity
Me and my guy were lost in a heated makeout, and we didn't realize how we got so far. And took off each others clothes.
And were kissing and touching each other, we never planned to have sex, and neither we did have sex.
I don't know what happened. But suddenly by accident.his penis touched my vagina. It just touched for a sec. it jerked. Or idont know we were so hyper at that moment, and he wasn't even puttin it in. he was just kissin me
And moving on top of me. And suddenly just for a sec when he moved his penis touched my vagina the tip. I felt a sharp pain. Idont know and I just fell back on the bed. Crying loud. And when I put finger there there were two drops of blood.2 3 drops. Iwas so scared and even he, as we never wanted this to happen. And we planned it to be special after our marriage. And we were scared. And I cried and iwas shaking and hysterical idont know what this means. Did I lose my virginity. After that he just told me to stop crying and consoled me. We stopped kissing and have decided to stay away from a physical relationship until our marriage because we really wish to have it to be special becos it means a lot to us. Please tell me what this means. And after that no bleeding just the two drops and bit pain. Its been a day, my thighs are paining bit, and have problem in walking. Please advise me what to do. M very very scared. My guy loves me. And we both want it to be good and pray to our GOD. It was the biggest mistake. And in the future we promised not to get into this again. :( :( :(

It is possible that you hymen got torn. This is not the same as losing your virginity, which is a symbolic thing. Losing your virginity is making love for the first time. Your hymen can tear from all sorts of things, physical activity or putting in a tampon, that doesn't stop you being a virgin.

If you want to stay a virgin, limit the make-out sessions.

How old are you?

I am 21 to be 22 in September
Thanks Eileen :( yeah I will never get into these things before marriage, so does this mean I won't bleed again ? When I have sex for the first time ? Now ?

The only way to know for sure whether you still have a hymen is to go to the doctor and have it checked.

HOWEVER--depending on your culture, many women lose their hymen WELL before they ever have sex. Horseback riding, bike riding, many sports, and an active lifestyle are as likely to break your hymen as anything else.

On top of that, many women never bleed the first time having sex, even if they DO still have their hymen.

Of course, if you were naked, you were having "sex", even if you weren't having intercourse.

I suggest keeping your clothes on and being in public places together.

It is possible that you hymen got torn. This is not the same as losing your virginity, which is a symbolic thing. Losing your virginity is making love for the first time. Your hymen can tear from all sorts of things, physical activity or putting in a tampon, that doesn't stop you being a virgin.

If you want to stay a virgin, limit the make-out sessions.

I don't think this is entirely accurate. You can lose your virginity to sex without it being 'making love' or a symbolic situation. If a penis goes into a vagina, you lose your virginity.

If he did not enter, you are a virgin, now from what you said, the pain and the blood, it sounds like he did enter? But if you know as a fact he did not enter, then you are still a virgin

no he did not enter, it was just a movement which happened accidentally,and he didn't enter cos we didn't plan having sex like this, and neither of us had the intention to do it,so as soon as it accidentally touched. We both got off each other, and it hurt me idunt know how it hit the rite point, that I bled those two drops.
pain is there in the thighs, buh maybe it is cos of being physical, I'm sure that he did not enter, so then I'm hoping to be a virgin :(
it makes me sad though that I didn't take this hymen thing seriously..
anyway thanks everyone for your replies. Really means a lot to me, iknow I'm big enuf, buh the thing is its not in our culture to have sex, before marriage and I realli value it too, and about being physical I have been with this guy for 4 5 years, so we just get into this sometimes :/ but obviously now we have to stay away to avoid any such situations in the future!

It is a very difficult thing to be so physically involved in an all out sexual way, and suddenly stop, and decide never to do it again.

I wouldn't be so worried about splitting hairs over whether you are a virgin, although I agree with Jenni, that if you have sex, and the penis goes into the vagina, you are no longer a virgin. But, as it's up to interpretation, think what you will.

It sounds to me, that the hymen was broken, and not because you rode a horse. It was broken right after you had sex, and because you were not toally aware of what body part was doing what, it is entirely possible that his penis was, even momentarily in long enough to break it. Who knows.

What concerns me more is that you take precautions. Mistakes happen, and so do babies. That you have gone this far, particularly with a man you plan to marry, has also crossed your cultural boundaries, and there is a more likely than not chance that you will find yourself in this position again.

Ask your boyfriend to get to a pharmacy and buy some protection. You may never use it until your wedding night, but lightening does strike twice, and far better to be prepared, than risk pregnancy. At least you have some protection, and will have peace of mind afterwards.

Really its up to you and your partner to decide. We don't know what happened and you sound confused over what happened.

I would say next time at least keep one of your undies on!

If you are going to marry him then it doest really matter if you have or haven't lost it. It was an accident and sounds like neither of you got pleasure from it. Your wedding night will be when you experience sex.

I do want to add that chat speak is NOT allowed on the Adult Sexuality boards.

Please type complete words (your, you, because, etc) or I will assume that you are actually 13 and NOT an adult, because you cannot type like one.

Thanks a lot everyone for helping me out, yeah I will be careful next time on this things. I am just glad it happened with the guy I will get married to :)
And I am recovering from this shock. He is very supportive indeed, and I just wanted to know if I lost my virginity but it seems like when I never had sex I am still a virgin.

It could very easily be that his penis caused a bit of tearing at the opening of your vagina. The hymen is inside the vagina. If his penis came close to your hymen, then it had to be inside you. That means you would not be a virgin because you were penetrated, however briefly, by his penis.

'Getting carried away' is an excuse for not taking responsibility for one's actions.

If "his penis did not enter" you, then why the blood? Why the pain?

I'm obviously not a doctor. But it sounds to me like you "accidentally" lost your virginity due to the temporary, partial, penetration of his penis. But that's just my, and I'm sure some other people here's opinion. I know you didn't want to hear that, but I think you already knew that it was true.

Unless you want to get pregnant before you get married, you should keep your clothes on.

In the heat of passion, things happen. As you can see.

At least it was by mutual "happenstance". No one person is to "blame".

And I think that you both have amazing control. Most young people wouldn't have stopped when you did.

If you weren't planning on having sex, why were you naked? And if you felt pain and there was blood, than it sounds like you had sex, which of course means you lost your virginity.

I did not have sex, because we didn't have intercourse, and we were just kissing and suddenly by mistake it touched. And being naked doesn't mean having sex only, it happened just because we were kissing and you know at that time we lost our senses like people usually do, the blood was just two drops. And no it didn't go in because obviously I would have felt it go in , it just was the tip like I said just a touch and I just stopped doing everything yes I felt pain because it was an accident and it touched my vagina so I felt it touched and hit me. I don't know if I am a virgin or not. But thanks for helping me out, and once again like I said and people saying you don't have any basic rule for virginity I didn't experience sex so I guess I will believe that I am a virgin, and I am just lucky that whatever happened, happened with the guy I am getting married too, so yeah next time I will be careful about such things :(
Anyway thanks a lot for helping me out :)

There's a HUGE difference between experiencing sex and experiencing intercourse.

TECHNICALLY, if you haven't had intercourse, you're a virgin.

I don't always buy that, though. Does that mean every gay male is a virgin, because they've never had vaginal intercourse? Does that mean every lesbian is a virgin, because they've never had a penis in their vaginas?

You've had SEX--all that touching, kissing, naked fondling is SEX. You just haven't had intercourse.

BIG difference.

And no I won't pregnant because. I won't have sex, and obviously now that this certain episode happened, I am like not getting into such things yes we have control no wonder we stopped because sex was not on our mind, and yes I didn't want to hear that, but now fortunately I have recovered from the shock :)
So I can hear it yeah.
And have accepted whatever happened, and have made a solid resolution not to get into it again. And hopefully I won't, and whatever happened I still didn't have sex or any pleasure or whatever it is. :D and all I wanted it to be special and it will be :)

It is a difference don't you think so?
I mean people are dying here for sex, and kissing and all other stuff is common, I mean fine. I know what you mean. But still like I mean how can you not kiss when you going out for like 4 5 years :)
Yes everyone has there own opinion, but I have formed it to be that sex means having sex when you have intercourse !

PLEASE do not use chat speak.

If you are an adult, type like one.

If you can't, then I will assume you are 13 and delete your entire thread.

Let's put it this way: Would you think it was sex if it was your boyfriend doing it with someone else? Do you think it's NOT sex, if he's naked with someone else, even if they aren't having intercourse?

It's still sex. It's just not intercourse.

i did not have sex, because we didnt have intercourse, ....

so i guess i will believe that i am a virgin, :)

OK, whatever works for you. You asked and we told you what we thought. If you choose believe that you did not have sex, or that you are still a virgin, then by all means do that.

If you really want to know what's what, ask your doctor. Explain to her/him what happened.

I wish you luck.

I'm still having a problem with this;


I felt a sharp pain. Idont know and I just fell back on the bed. Crying loud. And when I put finger there there were two drops of blood.2 3 drops.

Not all women feel pain or bleed when they lose their virginity, but I've never heard of a woman that felt pain or bled just because the tip of his penis touched her vagina.

The pain was enough for you to cry. You called it a sharp pain. If you're still a virgin, what caused this pain and what caused the blood?

Personally I think you're kidding yourself. You want to hear that you didn't go too far, but you were both naked, fondling, and I believe things just went further then you wanted them to. It happens.

If you want to consider yourself a virgin, true or not, then that's up to you. If he's going to be the man you marry then you both know the truth anyway, so I don't see why it matters.

I am not trying to argue with you it all, it seems like it is something very dear and important to you. I honestly feel bad for you. Some people say that virginity is more than just intercourse. I on the other hand to not think that. You said it yourself, you felt PAIN and saw BLOOD. Were you menstruating? If not you definitely should talk to your doctor, as sharp pains and bleeding for no apparent reason, is cause for concern.

it is a very difficult thing to be so physically involved in an all out sexual way, and suddenly stop, and decide never to do it again.

I wouldn't be so worried about splitting hairs over whether or not you are a virgin, although i agree with jenni, that if you have sex, and the penis goes into the vagina, you are no longer a virgin. But, as it's up to interpretation, think what you will.

It sounds to me, that the hymen was broken, and not because you rode a horse. It was broken right after you had sex, and because you were not toally aware of what body part was doing what, it is entirely possible that his penis was, even momentarily in long enough to break it. Who knows.

What concerns me more is that you take precautions. Mistakes happen, and so do babies. That you have gone this far, particularly with a man you plan to marry, has also crossed your cultural boundaries, and there is a more likely than not chance that you will find yourself in this position again.

Ask your boyfriend to get to a pharmacy and buy some protection. You may never use it until your wedding night, but lightening does strike twice, and far better to be prepared, than risk pregnancy. At least you have some protection, and will have peace of mind afterwards.

I agree totally! :)

I am sorry for using chat language, :)
Well all of you are confusing me,
I was crying because I didn't expect him to touch it there, and it touched accidentally, well maybe he broke in or whatever, I think it was a mistake and virgin or not, the point is I didn't have sex, and yes for me sex, is that sex when you put it in, and you know, so I am not kidding myself or anything, I know we went too far, but I was kind of OK with kissing and all, the only thing I wasn't OK with was, sex, which I didn't have, and whatever happened, was just an accident, and it was been a week or so since this so I am kind of OK with it, and now that we don't meet each other at private places it is easier for us to restrain from getting into again. And hopefully by the time I get married. Sex will be for the first time. And I think this is a good step too :)
And yes he is the guy I am getting married to, so in the end it is OK :)
Am just glad am over the whole crazy times. :)

Blow jobs, heavy petting, mutual masterbating shouldn't be consider 'sex-lite' or 'I can't believe it isn't sex!' or 'Consolation prizes 'cause we can't have intercourse.'. These are all sexual acts, and should be considered sex. These should all be considered on the same level as intercourse.

Your hymen may or many not be intact, but you're no virgin. Your BF can deflower you on your wedding night, but you aren't a virgin.

These are my thoughts and opinions only. If you go by some definitions, I am still a virgin because I have never been penetrated by a penis.

What you portray yourself as is your business really. You could legitimately say you're a virgin. It is up to you to decide what virginity is, and if you fall in that category because goodness knows we have given you plenty of definitions.

confused678 disagrees : It is still not sex,in my opinion because he doesn't put it in,I would call it exploring someone's body just from the outside, basically fooling around, although if he is with someone else I will probably kill him, so it wouldn't matter to me if it was

You gave me a disagree on an opinion. This is against site rules. Please read the rules that you agreed to when you signed up.

So... you disagreed with me for saying that you've had sex but not intercourse--but you wouldn't be okay with your boyfriend having "not-sex" with someone else?

Hypocrite much?

I am only going to add one more thing (something that I have told my children) and then probably ask that this thread be closed because you have your answer.

If you learn nothing else in life, learn that lying to (deluding) yourself is one of the worst things you can do. If you can't tell tell yourself the truth and work through your internal issues, you will have a very hard time working with someone else. It comes down to trusting yourself and others. Trusting yourself is the foundation for trusting others.

Good luck and may you and your intended have many happy years together.

Like, I said already , I have accepted whatever happened, so actually then I am not lying to myself :)
I know all what you guys saying, But I have my opinions too, and I stick to them, for me this wasn't the sex I have always heard about yes, I know other stuff, is also considered sex, well I didn't really have any issues regarding having a physical relation with my guy, so its OK :)
And I am sorry I disagreed, but there were two options, I thought I could take any :)
By any means I don't mean to offend you are anything. And yes.
I have got my answers :)
Thanks to everyone.
Bye!
Takecare all of you.

You gave me a disagree on an opinion. This is against site rules. Please read the rules that you agreed to when you signed up.

So...you disagreed with me for saying that you've had sex but not intercourse--but you wouldn't be okay with your boyfriend having "not-sex" with someone else?

Hypocrite much?

Very good point... if its "not sex" then their partner should be able to have "not sex" with whomever he wishes.

Just like Bill Clinton and his followers arguing "he didn't have sex with that woman".

Yeah... I'll bet they really believe THAT when it's their significant other.. thats "not having sex" with someone else.


Personally... if you are adult enough to have sex... then you should be mature enough to deal with the reality of it as well. Lying about it doesn't change reality... you did it... face up to it and move on. You can't undo it. With that said... if he can't deal with the fact you are not a virgin on your wedding night (particularly when HE participated as well)... perhaps he isn't the best person to be considering life with.

I find it interesting with the different views. I have mixed feelings. From my religious stand point- You've crossed the line already... the chastity line. It doesn't mean you should do it again but it's happened. I wouldn't say you are necessarily a "virgin" whether he went in you or not. Although it is kind of tough because yes, it's true that he didn't enter but you had sex like a PP said. Just not intercourse.