Hi AMHDers.

Has anyone else noticed that we've been getting a lot of relationship questions from children 10, 11, 12 years of age?

What is going on in this world that children are dating? I'm a mother of an 11 year old son and I'm not old fashioned, I'm not religious, I don't believe in holding my children back, but on this one point I am very firm. An 11 year old child has no business dating in my opinion.

I realize that these kids probably have no concept of what dating really is, and their version of dating is probably a very far stretch from what dating, or what being in a relationship, really is. Still, the fact that these kids are posting here saying "I have a problem with my boyfriend" or "I think my girlfriend is cheating", just scares the beejesus out of me. A boyfriend at age 11? Shouldn't they still be playing with dolls?

Maybe I'm behind the times, maybe someone can explain to me why this is happening, why we're allowing it to happen. Or maybe you disagree and think it's okay for children to date.

Whatever your opinion, I'd love to hear it, people of all ages, because I truly don't understand, and I want to know if I'm overreacting or if anyone else feels the same way I do.

So, should children date? What's your opinion?

Im 21 and 10 years ago I did not want a boyfriend.

I don't know what's happened but kids are trying to become adults!

Probably doesn't help that kids are developing faster due to what we have done to the environment.

Parents should have a rule like my mum did. No dating till your 16 and don't date anyone you so to school with!

I remember very clearly what it was like when I was 14. I was into boys, they were into me, my father was not in to any of it.

I voted "it's up to their parents".
I remember how frustrating it was not being able to date, but I also remember lying and sneaking around to see boys. Yes I know, I was a bad child. It was no way my parents fault, but how many of us have seriously said we were on place A but were really in place B?

I know I wouldn't want my daughter dating at 14, but I also don't want her to lie or sneak around. So if it was something like going to the movies, with me or another parent dropping off and picking up, or maybe going to the mall or out for dinner, I would rather my daughter tell me what she is doing, than be doing this or far worse behind my back.

As far as 10, 11, and 12 year old kids dating, I think it's sad that they can't just be friends.I think there is so much pressure for "relationships" and every where you look TV, movies real life, these kids are dressed up like adults. I remember playing with barbies at 11! My best friends step daughter is 11, and she wears a padded bra and make up!

But I also remember the neighbor boy asking me to go ice skating when I was 11. I wore my best tights and curly laces, and even crimped my hair! Was it dating?

Oh crap I just went back and re read the title. It says people under 14... Yea I change part of my answer to "no" they should be having play dates not real dates.

I wore a training bra at 13. That's when I started getting bumps. Before that I wore crop tops!

I hate makeup! I refuse to wear it. But I did have to wear it for dancing at a young age for stage shows. But I never wore it on a daily basis and as soon as I got home from a show I would shower and wash it all off! I wasn't a tom boy, I was a girly girl but I hated glitter, make up and sequins!

My 8 yr old cousin was over about 2 months ago. She was wearing a Mini skirt with a singlet she had folded to show her belly and she had blue eye shadow and red lipstick. I asked her mum, was she trying to prostitute her off and she said.. No she wants to be like the Bratz dolls.

But I also remember the neighbor boy asking me to go ice skating when I was 11. I wore my best tights and curly laces, and even crimped my hair! Was it dating?

And this is why I hope some of these kids come and post, explain to us what they consider dating, what they do with their girlfriends and boyfriends. I'm really hoping it is just like your outing at 11, going skating, being excited, but that's it.

Maybe I'm reading too much into the posts by these kids. When someone posts that they are having boyfriend problems, I assume that they mean boyfriend, not a kid that they sit next to in class and eat lunch with, and maybe hold hands, but a boyfriend and everything that goes along with that.

That's what scares me. When they use the term boyfriend or girlfriend, what does that consist of? If it is what I'm thinking it is, then at 11 years of age, they're not ready, IMO.

I'd let my son go skating with a girl, no problem, that's fine, but calling that girl a girlfriend, dating, anything other then high fiving each other at the bus stop, not okay with me.

Before anyone thinks I'm some kind of prude, not at all. I dated at 14 and trust me, I made most adults look innocent. That's why I don't agree with kids dating, because I was a kid, I did date, and I paid for it.

You only have a small time in your life to be innocent. One day these 11 year olds will regret giving up their childhoods so quickly.

Besides, at 11, boys should still be icky. Don't they have cooties until their 21? ;)

Sadly I remember one day at the pool last year, a young girl who would be considered well built by 18 year old standards came over to talk to a friend of mine, she was barely wearing anything.
After she left I asked about her, and they said it was another friends daughter, I said, a daughter that old, and they said no, she was 12. And after this year of working some in the schools, many of the 12 year olds don't look like 12 year old any longer,

This is one danger in why older boys are starting to look at them I think

Personally, I think it is very dependent on the individual child and that hopefully the parents are the ones who should be in the best position to make that decision. "Dating" can mean differen things so I say its up to the parents.

I would be weary as pointed out by Arora... if kids feel they are ready or need something and you blanket deny it they may end up sneaking around behind your back to get it anyway... then all you have done is lost control.

Just In my opinion

OK, let's see. I was somewhere around 12 or 13 when I had my first "boyfriend." We called each other boyfriend and girlfriend because we liked each other, but we never spent time together outside of school. We certainly weren't kissing or anything. We didn't do anything but talk on the phone for hours all the time. So it might be just that these kids are throwing the words around but don't really mean it. Gosh, I hope so. LOL

It's the movies and TV and the music industry. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." And parents are scared of their kids. The parents don't want to be the Bad Guys and say "No" because then the kids won't like them any longer.

We need to start licensing parenthood after six years of training classes in which prospective parents have to earn A's and B's and pass a rigorous final exam. I'll be a teacher.

P.S. Soon smoking will get to be more fun, even for youngsters. The tobacco companies are going to start selling fruit and candy flavored cigarettes "to attract more women smokers."

I voted no but 10 years ago I would have said maybe. 10 years ago we didn't have every TV show teachings kids what dating is. If you where to take a poll on what kids favorite show is they would say something like Family Guy or South Park. Shows these days teach kids that sex is okay, or tell kids that drugs are bad but in the next sentence tell them how fun they are. I had one pregnant teen in my school now its common for a kid to get pregnant. So the longer we can keep them away from dating the better.

I was still playing with dolls when I was eleven.. (That was right after the Hindenburg Disaster)... No really
My girls didn't dare ask to date before they were fifteen.

We let them bring their friends here at sixteen on Friday nights.
They left at eleven. They didn't car date until they were seventeen
And it was a double date.

I am not saying I am going to win the mother of the year award, but I sure do hope that when they use the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" they mean what I thought it meant at 11. And that was some one to go ice skating with. Kind of like Zoe, but opposite, we didn't hang out at school, but we went ice skating every Saturday for 3 years lol.

It really worries me to think what it's like now, imagine what it's going to be like in another 10 years.

I was 14 when I had my first "boyfriend." it lasted about three weeks, no kissing, just hand holding and going to the movies. But he dumped me because he thought I was too prude. Looking back, I wonder why the heck I was allowed to go on dates with him at all.

Aurora, I can't count the number of times I said I was in one place when I was really in another. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have children of my own.

It really worries me to think what it's like now, imagine what it's going to be like in another 10 years.

Bella.. the way you speak of your daughter.. is wonderful. You are a good mom and you will be when it comes to making these decisions. Good moms have a natural instinct to protect their children.. you'll do great.:)

Thanks Kit! :)

It was funny. My younger son Jeremy "loved" his cute, red-headed classmate Jan in Pre-K. Years later, Jan and my older son worked as pages (book shelvers) at our local library. That's when he fell in love with Jan. There must be something about Jan...

And she's still single.

I didn't have my first date or boyfriend until I was 16. I wasn't even sure it WAS a date, until after it started. The only reason we ended up dating was because I couldn't think of a good reason to tell him no. I liked talking to him and hanging out, so I figured why not.

It lasted just over a year.

I dated one other guy in high school. It was a blind date set up by a friend, and I never saw him again.

I wasn't in another relationship until I was 19 and in college.

I am well aware that I was a late bloomer, at least as far as relationships were concerned. Physically, I matured early. I reached about 5'6" by the time I turned 12. I started wearing training bras when I was 8-9. I started my period when I was 11, and was regular right off the bat.

Now, just because I had the beginnings of a woman's body at 12, does NOT mean I was ready to date. I had absolutely no interest in boys, or girls. Boys didn't want to have anything to do with me because I was a girl. Girls didn't want anything to do with me because I was a tomboy. I was too busy burying my nose in books to take notice of the people around me.

Even at 16, I wasn't really ready for a relationship. I was lucky and ended up with a really great guy. We were together for more than a year and never did more than kiss. I wasn't ready for more, and he never even tried for more. I think I saw him shirtless all of 2-3 times, and that was only because of quick changes between scenes in plays. I'm not sure he ever even saw me in a tank top, let alone something actually revealing.

The idea that kids not even in their teens yet are 'dating' is just absurd. The idea that they're doing more than holding hands on recess, is worse. Playing together, hanging out, going skating or to the park together, going to the movies. Fine. Be friends. Be KIDS! Too many kids start dating too young, and end up having kids of their own.

I did the whole say I'm going A but go to B. But that was because My sister was nosy and if I said I was going to my boyfriends she would spit the dummy. So mum knew when I was lying.

I think if your fair with your children they will be fair with you. Until I got my license the rules were I could go where I wanted (within reason) as long as she or a trusted adult could drop me off and pick me up.

I have to admit that my first relationship (ahhh hmmm) was when I was 13 and she was an older woman... Aleen was 14. Her dad a Top Sargent in the Air Force caught us on his living room couch...

Funny because years later I was visiting home ( I lived in North Carolina at the time) and my first wife and another couple when dancing at a club. The ladies went to the 'powder room' and the guy went to check in our coats. While I was standing there Aleen came up to me and tickled my chest with her finger, smiled with very large sexy eyes and asked 'how are you babe?' I said 'married', she spun around and looking back said 'NOW you'll never know will you.'

I think some parents have "dropped the ball" when it comes to doing the right thing. I've seen mothers and fathers nearly come to blows because of a softball game or one eleven year old made the cheer leading team and theirs didn't.

Mothers enter their six and seven year old daughters in a beauty contest and make them look like
Fifteen year olds.

Parents who would do anything just so their kids will be"popular".
It's a shame the TV shows make it look OK for a girl to look slutty.

It is a worry and seems as though the kids who are the ones who end up thinking it's OK to have sex at eleven years old and smoke and wear clothing that is beyond revealing. I wish they could see into the future and know how their actions are going to lead to consequences they never would have wanted.

I think I only misled my mother once. It wasn't really lying. I had a choir concert. She thought I was leaving right after I sang. I told her I was staying to watch the rest of the choirs sing. Then I ended up going out to dinner with a couple friends. I was about 2 hours late getting home. She had the choir directors searching dumpsters for my body and had called the cops. I was grounded for a month.

I had an 9pm curfew on weekdays and 11pm on weekends when I was 16. When I turned 17, it got pushed BACK to 8pm on weekdays and 10pm on weekends, with the added limitation that I could only be on the phone for 2 hours a day. She had to know where I was, that there were adults present, and have a number to call.

She called the friends house I was at once, and scared the daylights out of one of my friends. She found out that the adult present wasn't a parent, it was the friend's 25 year old brother. She also happened to call when a group of us had gone about half a block away to grab ice cream cones. She screamed at my poor friend, almost making her cry, and made me get my boyfriend's brother to drive me home immediately.

I still cannot understand WHY I ended up with stricter rules the older I got and WHY I wasn't allowed to go not even a block away to get ice cream when I was 17. I was almost always home when I was supposed to be (with one or two exceptions when I was a little late). I never lied to her about where I was going or who would be there. I never drank or did drugs or had sex. I followed all her rules. Yet, for some reason, she didn't trust me.

I turned 18, and stopped asking for permission to go places. I'd tell her where I was going and when I'd be back. I'd call if plans changed and I was going to be home late. I was almost always with a fairly large group of friends. Our parties consisted of playing video games, watching movies, euchre, and singing along to musicals. There were no couples sneaking off to have sex or drinking or doing drugs. The most illicit thing that went on was cigarette smoking.

I was on the receiving end of one of those sort of phone calls once. Me and my friend would always say we were going to be with each other. I would say I was going to her house, she would say she was at mine. Sometimes we were actually together, others we just went to hang out with our own older groups of friends. Well, she didn't tell me she told her mom she was at my house. So her mom calls me at nearly midnight asking to speak to her daughter. I was speechless for a minute, but had to tell her I didn't know where she was. She'd gone over to a party at our co-workers house and got so drunk she lost track of time. Her mom was furious.

My son and daughters always had a curfew. Even when they were in College and came home for the summer or for Holidays. They didn't care much for it but it didn't bother me at all.

I was known as the "Warden" staying up and making sure they hadn't been drinking or making sure they were home at the appointed time.

My husband and I agreed on the rules but I was more the enforcer.
He couldn't stand for the girls to cry when I told them they couldn't go to certain concerts. Didn't bother me. I had been to more than a few concerts in my younger days and I knew what happened at some. This was after I left home.

My son would go to his room and pout or play his guitar when he was mad. I was strict. I told them.. I'm your mother... you have friends.. Dads your dad... you have friends.

By that I mean a lot of parents want to be friends with their kids... not parents.

I lied all the time.

I had my first "serious" boyfriend at 14, we dated the entire summer. It was definitely more then holding hands and kissing, but what mom and dad didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

We saw each other every day. I'd say that I was going out with my friends, hop on my bike and go to his place. He was 16, had a car. I thought he was all that and ice cream on the side.

As it turns out, we're still friends, sadly he suffered from an aneurysm 11 years ago and now he can't walk and often doesn't remember who I am.

Chuck has a point. Kids don't look like kids anymore. You have to know there's something wrong with the world when stores sell thongs made for 5 year olds, so they won't have to worry about a panty line. I really want a list of the parents that by these!

When my daughter turned 5 my sister-in-law bought her makeup. No, it wasn't fun, play, dressup makeup, it was real makeup. I asked her why, her response "Well she's pretty, shouldn't she learn now how to highlight her features?" Why? For what purpose? She was five! I kept the makeup in my room for Halloween time.

One little girl in my sons class came to school the other day in a tank top and super short miniskirt. If I had been wearing it I would have had to shave, it was that short! She was sent home and a letter sent to her mom. Apparently the mother was upset that her daughter wasn't allowed to express herself by choosing what she wanted to wear to school. What is she expressing with that outfit, $25 for sex, $10 for a BJ? Ya, I'm being crude, but seriously, what is this mother teaching her child?

I realize that society plays a large role in all of this, but for goodness sake, they're kids, can't they just fill their days being kids, playing, getting dirty, flying kites, playing with dolls, riding their bikes to the park?

Seriously, as soon as the first boy calls my house asking for my daughter, we're moving to the middle of the woods where the closest neighbor is 300 miles away. ;)

I lied all the time.

I had my first "serious" boyfriend at 14, we dated the entire summer. It was definitely more then holding hands and kissing, but what mom and dad didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

We saw eachother every day. I'd say that I was going out with my friends, hop on my bike and go to his place. He was 16, had a car. I thought he was all that and ice cream on the side.

As it turns out, we're still friends, sadly he suffered from an aneurysm 11 years ago and now he can't walk and often doesn't remember who I am.

Chuck has a point. Kids don't look like kids anymore. You have to know there's something wrong with the world when stores sell thongs made for 5 year olds, so they won't have to worry about a panty line. I really want a list of the parents that by these!

When my daughter turned 5 my sister-in-law bought her makeup. No, it wasn't fun, play, dressup makeup, it was real makeup. I asked her why, her response "Well she's pretty, shouldn't she learn now how to highlight her features?" Why? For what purpose? She was five! I kept the makeup in my room for Halloween time.

One little girl in my sons class came to school the other day in a tank top and super short miniskirt. If I had been wearing it I would have had to shave, it was that short! She was sent home and a letter sent to her mom. Apparently the mother was upset that her daughter wasn't allowed to express herself by choosing what she wanted to wear to school. What is she expressing with that outfit, $25 for sex, $10 for a BJ? Ya, I'm being crude, but seriously, what is this mother teaching her child?

I realize that society plays a large role in all of this, but for goodness sake, they're kids, can't they just fill their days being kids, playing, getting dirty, flying kites, playing with dolls, riding their bikes to the park?

Seriously, as soon as the first boy calls my house asking for my daughter, we're moving to the middle of the woods where the closest neighbor is 300 miles away. ;)

Alty.. I'm sorry but I'm seriously LOL at the shaving part ! But you're right. I was so glad when the dress code was enforced at the schools here a couple years ago.

Good thing about australia is we have school uniforms. Although in high school some girls do wear minni skirts but other than a few dresses which are short in primary school (due to parental neglect) most children wear shorts under neath.

Good thing about australia is we have school uniforms. Although in high school some girls do wear minni skirts but other than a few dresses which are short in promary school (due to parental neglect) most children wear shorts under neath.

Only private schools have uniforms around here, and there aren't any in our area.

I don't have a problem with kids wearing their own clothes, but there should be a dress code, or at least common sense.

There's no need for kids to dress sexy at 11 years of age.

Heck, there's no need for anyone to dress sexy until they're old enough to vote! ;)

Good thing about australia is we have school uniforms. Although in high school some girls do wear minni skirts but other than a few dresses which are short in primary school (due to parental neglect) most children wear shorts under neath.




I wish every school would issue a uniform code for the kids...

One of the principals at my high school stopped one of the girls in the hall and dragged her into his office. Her skirt was so short you could almost see the bottom of her a$$. He told her that he would never let any daughter of his walking around in a skirt like that, and he wasn't going to let one of his students do so either. He went on to ask her if she REALLY wanted to give every male member of the faculty a woody, knowing that most of them were old enough to be at least her father.

She changed into her sweatpants for gym rather than have him call her parents and explain why she was being sent home. I got the impression they hadn't seen what she was wearing that morning.

The thing I like about uniform is it makes everyone equal. At the school I went to there was the uniform and shoes had to be black so even the poor kids who couldn't afford much didn't stand out and everyone was equal.

I guess the difference is the younger students see the older in uniforms and followed. Not see them in skimpy outfis and though I want to be like her!

The thing i like about uniform is it makes everyone equal. At the school i went to there was the uniform and shoes had to be black so even the poor kids who couldnt afford much didnt stand out and everyone was equal.

I guess the difference is the younger students see the older in uniforms and followed. Not see them in skimpy outfis and though i wanna be like her!

I agree aimee... I remember how bad it was for the kids who didn't have rich parents. I was one who didn't care what they said (still wish I was that way) I remember a girl who wore a different dress every day with shoes to match and she always lorded it over everyone else.

My dad was a hard worker and we had nice clothes but there were seven
Of us kids so we didn't have the kind of clothes this girl had. My mom would iron our clothes at night. One morning this girl came in with a purple dress with pleats and a little jacket to match. She looked at me and said
"you wore that dress on Friday and you have to wear it again today.

My History teacher (God Bless Him) told her..."why don't you stand in the corner and let everyone admire that dress. " Of course I had to pipe up and say; "and while you're at it take the toilet paper out of your bra." Oh well.. I did get a good talking to from the principal and my mom.
Didn't get a spanking either.:D

and while you're at it take the toilet paper out of your bra."

This made me 'lol'.

I agree this is a genuine question, When I was 20, young girls some are aged 11 and 12 has proposed me and have even asked to go for date... which is embarrassing and a real test for anyone... I have reported this to their parents but I am sure not all boys will do that...

Most kids should be able to have relationships but some kids get picked on because of weight issues. Its okay. Fight through it with your power of diet. Keep them away from the cheeseburgers that have affected you and people around you.

Some of the public schools in my area have gone to uniforms. I like the idea for the various reasons already posted.

I do think many of the preteens posting are not actually going out on dates, but are calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend just because they like each other.

I teach second grade this year and have seen it at that level... 8 year olds talking about how they aren't going to be so and so's girlfriend anymore because he likes so and so now.

We had a family Valentine's Day dance and I had a few kids talking about who they were going to the dance with, and whether they had a "date" for the dance. They didn't actually "go" to the dance with them, they saw them there and had a dance with them.

Many kids are growing up too fast... you see it in the media, kids' programs where the kids rule the house, talk back to the parents, sometimes dressing as teens or mini-adults. These kids know the lyrics to songs that would shock you... half the time they don't even understand what they are saying but they sure now the words.

Some parents just don't realize how much their young children are taking in and being exposed to... either at home or at friends' homes. Some parents think it's cute. Thankfully most allow, and encourage, their kids to hold onto their childhood a bit longer.

A few examples of kids being exposed to more than they should: several years ago, also second grade, one little boy was telling another boy about a movie he saw... he couldn't remember the name but was describing a scene and another little boy chimed in that he knew that movie as his sister has it. It was American Pie! I had not seen it myself but had heard enough about it to know that I wouldn't even want my (at the time) 13 year old to see it.

Another little girl shared excitedly how her dad rented Freddy versus Jason for her slumber party... she was turning 9.

Confiscated a note from one of my third graders a few years back as he tried to pass it to a classmate: "You have a hot body"

Ahhh, the stories I could tell... :eek:

Most kids should be able to have relationships but some kids get picked on because of weight issues. Its okay. Fight through it with your power of diet. Keep them away from the cheeseburgers that have affected you and people around you.

HUH?

I don't think you got the jest of this thread at all:(

Kids 'dating',,

When I was 12,I wanted to go to the movies,, WITH MY SISTERS!

When I was 13,I enjoyed LOOKING at girls,but heaven forbid I did what I was thinking about.

When I was 14,I did what I was thinking about, things changed a lot.

Should we usher our children into a way of healthy relationships,without rushing them into the sexual nature of them?YES, absolutely!

The responsible thing to do is to allow our kids access,, TO THE THINGS WE UNDERSTAND,to the things we want them to understand, without having those barriers which MY parents set up, not allowing me to learn from them, I did what I wanted to do, and with a willing partner, continued doing it.

Hey,I don't have the right answer to any of this, every parent/child relationship is unique.Each person's personal boundary is different.I didn't want my daughter pregnant at 21,yet she was, I am proud to be a grandparent,

Did I have say so in her dating scene, yes,I had custody of her at 16,during those times I was with her,we had a 'somewhat' strained relationship,but there was mutual respect,open discussion about how we would handle relationships, mine and hers and hers with others.

Less than 14, I would be ashamed of myself if I allowed my children to do what I did.

I guess I would say that IF communication between the parents and ALL KIDS INVOLVED in an outing, perhaps there can be a compromise reached, a middle ground.After all,we did experiment and learn the how to's somehow... I just wouldn't want it to be that early, that young.(Sex education did actually have an effect on how I dated and proceeded in sexual relations)

OK<<let me have it:p

The way I see it, the problem isn't the dating, is the general misnomer of what dating is. Just 'cause middle-schoolers s are dating doesn't mean their having sex and whatnot. It's the parent's job to gauge how far the dating has gone and where to draw the line.

It all falls on the parents.

Little girls can't dress like tarts unless their parents buy the clothes. I had no problem telling mine, "you will not wear that!" Parents need to know who their child is hanging out with. You can demand to know that! Parents can know what sites their child is visiting Online. Parents can be all up in their pre-teen's business!

We had exchange students (teens) in the house from the time our daughter was 8, so she grew up knowing she could not date until she was 16. It was a given she never questioned it. At 13 she went to the middle school dance, her "date" met her there. This boy had been her friend since Kindergarten, they are still friends at 29 years of age.
When kids are in middle school a lot of them have "boy friends/girl friends" but it stays at school. She had friends that would come to the house, they would watch movies (in the family room under my watchful eye) but it was never one boy at that age, it was always a group of kids.
Parents have to learn how to put down rules, set boundaries and learn to say No! The kid may get mad, but they will get over it.

It all falls on the parents.

Little girls can't dress like tarts unless their parents buy the clothes. I had no problem telling mine, "you will not wear that!" Parents need to know who their child is hanging out with. You can demand to know that!. Parents can know what sites their child is visiting Online. Parents can be all up in their pre-teen's business!

We had exchange students (teens) in the house from the time our daughter was 8, so she grew up knowing she could not date until she was 16. It was a given she never questioned it. At 13 she went to the middle school dance, her "date" met her there. This boy had been her friend since Kindergarten, they are still friends at 29 years of age.
When kids are in middle school a lot of them have "boy friends/girl friends" but it stays at school. She had friends that would come to the house, they would watch movies (in the family room under my watchful eye) but it was never one boy at that age, it was always a group of kids.
Parents have to learn how to put down rules, set boundaries and learn to say No! The kid may get mad, but they will get over it.

Homegirl... you said it.:D

I don't think that children should be dating seriously until 18. That may sound strict but the last thing parents need is to be grandparents in their 40s. Even at 14 I was still into video games, baseball and rock music, I didn't even think about dating until I was approaching college age.

Unfortunately kids are thinking about it at an earlier age. There are ways to allow boy/girl interaction with supervision. That is why it is so important for parents to know the parents of their kids friends. You can work together to supervise things. Parents must set rules and boundaries. I also know kids are going to do things behind our backs, but they need to know there are rules and repercussions when those rules are broken. We are not their friend but their parent.

We used to tell our daughter, "our home is not a democracy! We set the rules and she follows. When she is paying her own bills, paying for the roof over her head then she can be the ruler.

Unfortunately kids are thinking about it at an earlier age. There are ways to allow boy/girl interaction with supervision. That is why it is so important for parents to know the parents of their kids friends. You can work together to supervise things. Parents must set rules and boundaries. I also know kids are going to do things behind our backs, but they need to know there are rules and repercussions when those rules are broken. We are not their friend but their parent.

We used to tell our daughter, "our home is not a democracy! We set the rules and she follows. When she is paying her own bills, paying for the roof over her head then she can be the ruler.

That's exactly how it should be. I heard a well renowned "Doctor" tell parents they need to let their children "express themselves, even if it's by yelling at the parents or other siblings" I always let mine express themselves as long as I couldn't hear it. :rolleyes:

We let her express herself, we even allowed her to question our decisions as long as she did it in a respectful way, she could always give us her point of view, but she also knew we had final say.

We let her express herself, we even allowed her to question our decisions as long as she did it in a respectful way, she could always give us her point of view, but she also knew we had final say.





Good for you!:)

I tell young couples "Parenting is more than a notion. As prepared as you think you are, you still get caught with your pants down"
But it is the most rewarding and best thing I have ever done.
My daughter is now 29, and I thoroughly enjoy having an adult child. She and I have a wonderful relationship as does she and her dad.
We are truly blessed.

I tell young couples "Parenting is more than a notion. As prepared as you think you are, you still get caught with your pants down"
But it is the most rewarding and best thing I have ever done.
My daughter is now 29, and I thoroughly enjoy having an adult child. She and I have a wonderful relationship as does she and her dad.
We are truly blessed.




I wouldn't take a billion dollars for any of the days of my children growing up. They are wonderful adults... :)

I think I need my mum to educate the enitre world.

She bought them and my 2 sisters up to be young ladies. Neither of us swear, drink, do drugs or ever been in trouble with the law. None of us have even had a speeding ticket!

One of my sisters had a boyfriend at 16 but mum would drop her off and pick her up from his house or other locations. My other sister first got a boyfriend at 22. And I got my first boyfriend at 18.

We never wore anything trashy. In fact my mum was the one to make me show a little cleavage lol.

You don't see people like me and my sisters anymore unless they are stict religious people. Which we arnt.

Good for you Aimee :)

My parents were pretty liberal. They were hippies for lack of a better description. My father was in the Navy and was gone 11 months out of the year.

I grew up fast, and I did a lot of regretful things, but in the end I think I turned out okay. My mother and I never got along until I moved half way across the Country and got pregnant. She was disappointed, I had to drop out of University, but I was in my 20's, and it could have been a lot worse. She was always there for me, and always let me know that she loved me, but I spent more time grounded and doing manual labor for punishment than any kid I knew. I went through a lot of stuff growing up moving all over the place as a kid.

I ended up putting myself through school, and am back in school now. I have done pretty good for myself, and those that know me and my daughter, know that she does not want for anything. So if I can behalf the mother my mom was, I'll be okay.

I know I talk a lot about my Dad but all during my childhood he was the kindest man I have ever known. I think my Dad saw the good in all his children. My mom, God love her said he spoiled us but he didn't.. he listened and that means a lot to a kid.

Good for you Aimee :)

I do agree...

So many parents complain saying they can't control their kids no matter how hard they try...

My mum controlled 3 as well as my dad wgo is in a wheel chair and can only do limited things himself.

A couple of few days ago I saw a boy who looked like he was in kindy telling this other girl the same age that she was sexy and he was doing to do to her what parents did.

I straight away followed the little girl home and told her parents about it. All her parents said was stay away from him! I would have gone to the school and complained till something was done!

What's happening to society!

I agree, answered the poll.

Children are children. As parents they are the ones that need to set boundaries. A lot of children now a days do not set boundaries or have any type of control and that is why there are so many problems with teens these days.

So many parents complain saying they can't controll their kids no matter how hard they try...

My mum controlled 3 as well as my dad wgo is in a wheel chair and can only do limited things him self.

A couple of few days ago i saw a boy who looked like he was in kindy telling this other girl the same age that she was sexy and he was doing to do to her what parents did.

I straight away followed the little girl home and told her parents about it. All her parents said was stay away from him! I would have gone to the school and complained till something was done!

Whats happening to society!


Good for you for speaking up.

I'd love to know who buys these and why:

Heelarius high heels for babies go on sale - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2115077/Heelarius-high-heels-for-babies-go-on-sale.html)

I think they are disgusting. Why would any parent want their kid to look like a hooker?

I'd love to know who buys these and why:

Heelarius high heels for babies go on sale - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2115077/Heelarius-high-heels-for-babies-go-on-sale.html)

They look like cabbage patch kid shoes! :eek:

There's something wrong with the world.

They look like cabbage patch kid shoes! :eek:

There's something wrong with the world.




Yep!

So many parents complain saying they can't controll their kids no matter how hard they try...

My mum controlled 3 as well as my dad wgo is in a wheel chair and can only do limited things him self.

A couple of few days ago i saw a boy who looked like he was in kindy telling this other girl the same age that she was sexy and he was doing to do to her what parents did.

I straight away followed the little girl home and told her parents about it. All her parents said was stay away from him! I would have gone to the school and complained till something was done!

Whats happening to society!
You are a lucky girl!

You are a lucky girl!





I agree!

This is a different world.
I'm glad I'm not raising kids now.

I'm glad I don't plan on having any. I'll stick to raising cats, thankyouverymuch.

I'm glad i don't plan on having any. i'll stick to raising cats, thankyouverymuch.
Well, you're at the potty-training stage now. Soon you'll be managing the dating stage. Then there'll be the adoption stage.

A whole new generation of kids. Parents need to set boundaries and be consistent. Mine were and we were with our own.

This is a different world.
I'm glad I'm not raising kids now.

I knew there had to be some benefits to me being so old. :p

It's the movies and TV and the music industry.

Bingo! They see this highly romanticized version of love and relationships and they want in.

In my opinion one on one dating should not start until 14. Between 12 and 13 I can see group dating where they hang out in groups. Before that no boy-girl relationships.

But I have to agree that girls are developing earlier. And this is contributing to the problem.

Alty,

I agree with you. I didn't have trouble with my 17 year old.. he still thought girls had cooties when he was 12. ( I keep telling him they STILL do... but the hormone thing has kicked in and taken over.. ha ha)

BUT... my 12 year old is another ballgame. He doesn't go out on dates and in fact never gets to see his" girlfriend" except in the halls at school. BUT the kids his age are out of control. They thow the words "i love you" around like it has no meaning. He is only 12 and I have caught him telling two girls now he LOVES them.

I think Facebook and texting has a lot to do with it too. It is so easy to say ANYTHING through texting. They can ask girls out, say things they'd never have the guts to do otherwise. He recently asked me how his dad asked me out if there was no texting when we were dating!?

I think more parents should take an interest in what their kids are doing and saying to the opposite sex. He is no different than the rest of the kids his age BUT.. I have to get involved and redirect him from time to time. It is not a good thing.

I agree classyT, the times are different and the kids are doing more but as parents we have to step up our game. We need to be more involved, redirect them from time to time.
I'm a firm believer in staying in your kid's business.

Homegirl,

I agree! :)

Homegirl,

I agree! :)



I also agree..

Well, you're at the potty-training stage now. Soon you'll be managing the dating stage. Then there'll be the adoption stage.

my furbabies aren't allowed to date. The last time edith dated, she got knocked-up. No more dating for her.

edit:
just to clarify, I'm talking about my kitties ^_^

my furbabies aren't allowed to date. The last time edith dated, she got knocked-up. No more dating for her.










:eek:

I started thinking... when I was 12 I liked boys went to boy/ girl parties and played spin the bottle.. ( yes, I am OLD). I still think they are too young to be "going out" or dating. Certainly they are too young to tell someone they are "in love" with them. So I totally get the concern and rightly so. But I will share something with you that my youngest said last night that helped me out and put things into perspective for me.

He told me he couldn't wait until sixth grade was over when I questioned why, he said, "because sixth grade drama is the worst because it is the first year you really have drama". Then after he heard me talking about some problems with my sister, then he said " i was wrong, OLD people drama is the worst".

I started thinking....when i was 12 I liked boys went to boy/ girl parties and played spin the bottle..( yes, I am OLD). I still think they are too young to be "going out" or dating. Certainly they are too young to tell someone they are "in love" with them. So I totally get the concern and rightly so. But I will share something with you that my youngest said last night that helped me out and put things into perspective for me.

He told me he couldn't wait until sixth grade was over when I questioned why, he said, "because sixth grade drama is the worst because it is the first year you really have drama". Then after he heard me talking about some problems with my sister, then he said " i was wrong, OLD people drama is the worst".

Smart Kid:)

I started thinking....when i was 12 I liked boys went to boy/ girl parties and played spin the bottle..( yes, I am OLD). I still think they are too young to be "going out" or dating. Certainly they are too young to tell someone they are "in love" with them. So I totally get the concern and rightly so. But I will share something with you that my youngest said last night that helped me out and put things into perspective for me.

He told me he couldn't wait until sixth grade was over when I questioned why, he said, "because sixth grade drama is the worst because it is the first year you really have drama". Then after he heard me talking about some problems with my sister, then he said " i was wrong, OLD people drama is the worst".

I agree with him, on both counts ^_^

Classy T... remember. "and a little child shall lead them"

Kit,

LOL... I know it.

Hheath,

You just think" OLD people drama" is the worst because you are closer to my sons age than MINE! :D UGH.. I feel really old now.

Kit,

LOL....i know it.

Hheath,

you just think" OLD people drama" is the worst because you are closer to my sons age than MINE! :D UGH..i feel really old now.




I'm older than dirt... :eek:

Kit,

Because you put the number 22by your user name.. I think of you as 22. :)

Kit,

because you put the number 22by your user name..i think of you as 22. :)



No.. way off... Maybe.. I'll pull out the old bell bottom jeans and my "Grateful Dead" tshirt and I can dream... :D

Kit,

LOL....i know it.

Hheath,

you just think" OLD people drama" is the worst because you are closer to my sons age than MINE! :D UGH..i feel really old now.

I was including myself as one of the old people. To a 12 year old, someone twice their age is old-ish.

I was baby sitting for a friend, and her son is 7, and he asked if he could be my boyfriend. I told him I was 26, he told me I was "SUPER OLD"!! And said I didn't look that old. Lol.

Hheath,

I know I am just jealous you are young and I am not.

To kids anything over 20 is really OLD... so imagine how old I am. I turned 49 last week... I'm totally struggling with it... (sorry alty to highjack your thread) I'll shut up now.

when my niece was really little (2-5) she had 6-7 'boyfriends.' they were all her boy cousins.

that was around the same time that she randomly told her mom that she wasn't going to date until she's 16. Let's see if she keeps her word. She's 11 now ^_^

You let your 8 year old dress like a tramp, wearing mini skirts and make-up of course they are going to date boys when they are 10-14.

It's not always the parents fault but some of them need to have a bloody good look in the mirror before they let their kids date.
Heck, some of them should take a bloody good look at their KIDS before they let them out of the house!

If I wore half the stuff kids these days are allowed to wear when I was 10 I would have been shot by my Dad.


Yeah, I know, I didn't read back, my bad.

You let your 8 year old dress like a tramp, wearing mini skirts and make-up of course they are going to date boys when they are 10-14.

It's not always the parents fault but some of them need to have a bloody good look in the mirror before they let their kids date.
Heck, some of them should take a bloody good look at their KIDS before they let them out of the house!

If I wore half the stuff kids these days are allowed to wear when I was 10 I would have been shot by my Dad.


Yeah, I know, I didn't read back, my bad.




We need more parents like yours and mine Shaz.:)

The biggest problem I see is that children went from being seen and not heard to being stand out brats in society. Too many just don't get what's going on or what they are pushing their kids to do. Even superstores like Walmart gear up their clothing lines of inappropriate wear for the children's department. Its sad. There also has been an explosion of Pagents for children. And now its on Tv being promoted as something good? BULL!!

Too many parents and society itself has forgotten how to say No! Kids need boundries and they will test those throughout their lifetimes. But again if you can't say no to them then there are no boundries. And that leads to confusion and the situation we are in today. Also the explosion of the internet and latchkey children has created an entire generation of TMI children. Its just plain wrong.

The biggest problem I see is that children went from being seen and not heard to being stand out brats in society. Too many just dont get whats going on or what they are pushing thier kids to do. Even superstores like Walmart gear up thier clothing lines of inappropriate wear for the childrens department. Its sad. There also has been an explosion of Pagents for children. And now its on Tv being promoted as something good? BULL !!!

Too many parents and society itself has forgotten how to say No! Kids need boundries and they will test those thoughout thier lifetimes. But again if you can't say no to them then there are no boundries. And that leads to confusion and the situation we are in today. Also the explosion of the internet and latchkey children has created an entire generation of TMI children. Its just plain wrong.




I agree Califdad... NO was the most used word in my vocabulary when I was raising my children... I think they stayed mad most of their High School years because I monitored what they wore, who they were friends with. They use to call me "The Warden... didn't bother me a bit... We had rules they followed them or there were consequences and they knew that. I was a mother , not a friend, they had a lot of those. They appreciate it now since three of them have kids of their own and now I am friends with my kids.

Though I don't have any children under 14, I don't think 14yo and under should be dating. I personally don't think children under 17 or even 18 should date. When I was raising my children, I believed they had A LOT to learn about life before they were going to be ready and responsible enough to steer their lives in the directions of their choices. I had 4 children, so that meant a lot of work for me, teaching them how to meet challenges and overcome barriers or difficulties to get the job done.



I did not think they were emotionally mature enough to become tangled in the emotional quagmire brought on by infatuations and acts of love enacted out by newly hormonal teens. When teens are allowed to freely date, many times their hopes and dreams drift away because they become so far side tracked that they lose sight of what they once envisioned for their lives. I told my children that I wanted them to be well on their way to living the life of their choice, on the path of their choice BEFORE they got tangled up in a love relationship, because once they did that, they would have to consider their partner and their partner's wishes on any direction they took. I wanted my children to be SURE of who they were and where they wanted their live to go before adding a partner.



I think teenagers should be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, but should be given no opportunity for the friendship to develop into anything more than just that. Parents should stay focused with their children and help their children stay focused on overcoming any obstacles and challenges that stand in the way of them reaching adulthood with their feet planted firmly on the ground, facing the direction they have chosen their lives go in, and with all the skills needed to accomplish their goals.



Relationships take a lot of work. It is difficult enough to pave a way for yourself, but when you partner up with someone else, a child could become so side tracked that they never reach their goal. Add to that the possibility of life altering pregnancy and/or disease and it just doesn't seem worth the risk.

This is just my opinion :)

I just saw a leopard print bikini with one strap that went over one shoulder and gold clips on the bottoms... for BABIES!

I just saw a leopard print bikini with one strap that went over one shoulder and gold clips on the bottoms... for BABIES!

Im not sure which is more scary. Tha fact that they offer it or the fact that someone will buy it.

Lord help us all!

And we wonder why they want to date at 10. Some mothers start planting the seed when they are babies.
What mother in her right mind would dress her baby in such a thing?

And we wonder why they want to date at 10. Some mothers start planting the seed when they are babies.
What mother in her right mind would dress her baby in such a thing?




A mother who cares more about appearances than the reprecussions of her actions.

And we wonder why they want to date at 10. Some mothers start planting the seed when they are babies.
What mother in her right mind would dress her baby in such a thing?

This kind.

http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/toddlers-tiaras/about-toddlers-and-tiaras.html

This kind.

The TV Series : Toddlers & Tiaras : TLC (http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/toddlers-tiaras/about-toddlers-and-tiaras.html)




That child's mother should be given a swift kick in the butt.:mad::mad:

That is shameful!

That is shameful!!

Not just that but they glorify it by putting it on TV. Thereby making it popular and the norm.

I would like to know what a mother who would parade her baby around like that is thinking.

I would like to know what a mother who would parade her baby around like that is thinking.




I believe most of these moms are trying to relive their childhood through their children.

I believe most of these moms are trying to relive their childhood through their children.
Not just that. They are trying to BE someone through their children. Many of these moms are at the low end of the education ladder, are not very bright, read paperback romances (only) and movie/TV magazines, are often overweight, are very concerned with their hair and nails and clothes as being who they are, and can't carry on conversations about anything but superficial matters. My brother is married to one.

Many of them also either did pageants as a child, or wanted to.

Then there's the mom who doesn't have a daughter, so she 'turns her boys into girls.'

And the dad, that's so flamboyant he HAS to sh!t rainbows, who makes all his daughter's clothes and does her hair and make-up because he's always been interested in pageants.

Yes, I watched the videos. Those parents have living dolls, NOT children.

and the dad, that's so flamboyant he HAS to sh!t rainbows, who makes all his daughter's clothes and does her hair and make-up because he's always been interested in pageants.
Or the dad is a passive type who sits smiling vaguely on the sidelines and whose wife runs the show -- and his finances.

Or the dad is a passive type who sits smiling vaguely on the sidelines and whose wife runs the show -- and his finances.

There's one of those, too. He doesn't like the revealing clothes his 7 year old wears for the pageants, but his wife sees nothing wrong with it. She also sees nothing wrong with spray tans or shaving the girl's legs.

there's one of those, too. he doesn't like the revealing clothes his 7 year old wears for the pageants, but his wife sees nothing wrong with it. she also sees nothing wrong with spray tans or shaving the girl's legs.
That's my brother, but not pageants -- a different venue in which Mom is enabling the daughters. If their girls were little and cute, they'd be in pageants.

That's my brother, but not pageants -- a different venue in which Mom is enabling the daughters. If their girls were little and cute, they'd be in pageants.





As long as these mothers can take home a trophy or revel in their kids accomplishments.. they don't feel it's wrong. Every time I see one of these kids on TV.. I think of little Jon Benet' Ramsey... What a horrible life that child must have led.

As long as these mothers can take home a trophy or revel in their kids accomplishments..they don't feel it's wrong. Every time I see one of these kids on TV..I think of little Jon Benet' Ramsey...What a horrible life that child must have led.
Her unchecked bedwetting was only one testament to that misery.

Her unchecked bedwetting was only one testament to that misery.








I don't understand parents who would allow that child to dress up like a grownup. It haunts me sometimes because it hasn't taught mothers of these little pageant girls anything. I honestly believe some mothers would sell their soul to make their child a beauty queen winner.

WOW... just wow...

And where I live, kids are REAL dating at 10