I know without a doubt that I still love my old college boyfriend and will always feel a connection to him. We are both married but managed to find each other and maintain a long distance friendship over the past 3 years. We have only spoken over the phone once during that time, mostly communicating by email and chat. I feel extremely blessed to have re-connected with him, but if at any point, he needed to sever the ties I would understand and respect his decision. Although we continue to keep communication open, I have become concerned because of our last email. He initiated with " I am lonely. I wish I could turn the clock back." I responded with " Awwww... It amazes me that we seem to think about each other at the same time, I miss you too." He never responded. I sent another email just asking if he was OK but got no response. I wanted to apologize for what I said because I think I offended him. The few people I have spoken with say he initiated, not to worry just let it go.
The bottom line is I don't want to lose my connection to or friendship with this person. At least from my end, our college relationship was difficult because we were an interracial couple in Boston in the mid 1980's. Our relationship didn't survive but we met again a few years later. By that time, he was very interested but I had allowed my friends to convince me that not only would the relationship never work but that I had "wasted" my first intimate experience on this person. I embraced those lies and pushed one of the best people I had ever known out of my life. I am grateful that he now knows how I really feel and I want to have him as a friend always. How can I safeguard the relationship so that it isn't jeopardized by what I might carelessly say- How can I be sure to redefine our relationship?

I don't know if you can safeguard your relationship, being your both married, and still have feelings without going in the wrong direction. You both will be hurting your marriage down the road. I would let it be, you both have too much too lose.

Sully123- Thank you so much for your advice. ( :

I get being friends, but married people do not get to carry on behind their partners back, with exes, or who ever.

You define any relationship by reasonable boundaries based on what you consider good, acceptable, behavior that has no guilt attached.

Personally, and its just me, if my wife can't know what I do, where I do it, and with whom, I just won't do it. Those are our boundaries of good behavior. I suspect they will work for you too.

Talaniman, I appreciate your response. I do want to clarify a few things though.
As far as the last email exchange that I included in my question, it was very inappropriate and I reaize that. I have to accept the fact that I am human, will make mistakes and hopefully I can learn from my mistakes. I know this sort of dialogue doesn't justly represent my past conversations with my ex. We have chatted about everything from current events to the latest political saga. We have also spoken of our spouses in very positve light. If we could ever meet each other's life partners, I know we absolutely would but the distance is too great and our lives are too busy. As a married person, I didn't feel as though I was "carrying on" when I responded the way I did and once I thought about the exchange I sensed it was extremely atypical for him to have made the comment in the first place. As a friend, I had the responsibility to question the statement or at least not respond in the matter which I did. As a friend, I think he has made the right choice by not responding and stepping back, reevaluating, and setting those guilt free boundaries that you mentioned. I might be askng for a lot but I would hope that we could remain friends and not tarnish the good impressions that we have of each other in our minds. I also want him to continue to be with this wonderful woman, his wife, who has been and continues to be a supportive, committed partner. As far as my relationship with my husband, I want to continue to see, to create, and to treasure moments that strengthen my admiration, commitment and love for him. Hey, if I was perfect , I would never have had the need to post. If I was closer to perfect, I'd probably be answering questions...

I understand, and apologize for my choice of words to get a response, it was not meant as personal, just probing for the true nature of your feelings. You were not defensive so I think that what you went through was just a defining moment in your continued friendship, and I think because of it you will both make some good adjustments and be better for it.

I think it may have been awkward, and a little patience to process what happened, and re-evaluate as you say I think you will be okay, and so will he.

Even in great long lasting friendships, glitches do occur, and friend will just work through them, in time.

I agree with all of the comments on here. You basically need to give him some space, don't email him until he emails you first. I think he's probably just thinking about what your response. If he says anything about what you said, just let him know what you told us. Basically, I feel that you told us that you just want to have him as a good friend. Usually people get taken aback when they feel like someone likes them and then need time to think.

I agree with you Teastalk, and I have not emailed since the last exchange. I do wonder where his head when he made the initial statement, "I am Lonely..." . Of course, I wish I had said exactly what I meant to say which was I was just thinking aout you too- what a coincidence, but because I say that ALL the time, I tried to dress it up a bit. I thought about it and then added the "I miss you too" because I didn't want to ignore that he said he was lonely. I could analyze those emails and spin the connotations again and again but bottom line- I care about my friend and whatever he thinks hopefully he'll work through it. I appreciate the help you guys have given me in working through this small , nervewrecking issue of mine. ( :