I have been in a new relationship for about 5 months now and things are going well But I have concerns about how her 9 year old daughter is talking to her , she is extremely rude and cannot answer a question with out sarcasm and or shouting , at first I thought it might be her way of trying to compete with me for her mothers time but now we have been seeing each other for a little while a pattern is starting to develop , the mother has custody but the little lady goes and spends every second weekend at her fathers , when she comes back it's like she has changed into some kind of monster and it takes a couple of days for her to settle down again , I just don't feel like I have earned the right yet to express my thoughts to her mother , I am mindful that I will never take her fathers place but believe I can give her a good home , now to my questions ,
1: do I have any avenues open to me to be able to express my disappointment to the little lady without it turning into a confrontation.
2: is this normal behavior for a 9 yr old girl .
3: if I lay the law down so to speak how will that effect my relationship with the little lady & also her mother.

Doh typo , it should read without sarcasm

My advice.. do nothing.

Say nothing.

This has nothing really to do with you,I realise your in a relationship with the child's mother,however,it is a new relationship and may not last,getting involved in the child's life now could do more harm then good.

Be a good listener to your new girlfriend,only and only if she asks your opinion give it but gently,she will resent any thing bad you may have to say against her child.

I think you should voice your concerns. I mean don't do it in a "daddy" sort of way, just let the mother know that you are concerned about the way her daughter is speaking to her. Don't make a big deal about it, just after one of her daughters episodes tell her that her behavior is not right. I mean if you like this woman then her daughter's issues are going to become a big problem for you anyway. It could be just that her daughter doesn't like that there is a new man in her mother's life. Try to get to know the daughter, spend some time with her. Don't let her tantrums scare you, because if you do she know's that she controls the situation, and no child deserves that control. Again I would not make a big deal about it but I would for sure not just sit back and watch, because that will ruin your relationship also.

Thanks for your prompt replies ladies , I have decided that I am in a position where all I can do is continually pick up the pieces when my G/F feels overwhelmed by the constant abuse , it happened again this weekend and my G/F ended up in tears and questioning her ability to be a good mother , I can't help thinking that the young miss is just acting out on what she hears out of the mouth of a disgruntled ex , I have told my G/F that all she can do about this is to be consistent with how she treats little miss and not to buy into the ex's blame game , I just wish there was something else I could do .