This is a long story - please bear with me... will have to post in a few segments

My guy and I met two years ago. He lived a state away from me, but managed to visit me a few times for various reasons over a few months as a friend. We both felt like we heard in prayer that this was the person God wanted us to marry. We both really liked each other, but never told each other or anyone else for that matter, because we both wanted to make sure that it was God. After we had both prayed for a few months - my guy told me that he had heard from God about me. It was a big relief to me, and I was able to tell him that I had heard the same thing, knowing that I hadn't influenced him in any way. We had both had confirmation for months and decided to begin dating as a means towards marriage. (As a side note - We are both Christians, and do not believe in sex before marriage. )

We had a long distance relationship almost the entire time we were together. I was only able to see him a few days a month. We got engaged May 03 after 5 months of long distance dating, planning a wedding for May 04. We went through a very rough patch over the last year due to the stress of the long distance relationship. In my opinion, his relationship with a family member who didn't really approve of me wreaked some havoc on the relationship. Also, my fear of rejection caused me to be a bit too clingy.

Around Christmas '03, this family member and my guy started talking to me about postponing the wedding. We argued about it for months. We began seeing a Christian counselor as a pre-requisite (by the pastor who would marry us). She didn't really seem to offer us much help.
In fact, she was a referral to us by my guy's family member. Finally, by March of '04, after much prayer, I agreed that we had issues to work out individually in order to make a marriage work. (Neither of us believe in divorce.) We postponed the wedding and continued our long distance relationship. Due to the amount of emotional stress and tension, there were a lot of hurts and arguments - and my guy didn't talk much on the phone, but still we loved each other and wanted to try.

I started praying about what God wanted me to do. I felt like God was going to do something in April. At the end of April, God got me an interview where my guy lives. I prayed that if God wanted me with my guy, then to make it happen, and if not to close that door. I was the only candidate and resume considered for the position and was hired. I got a promotion in title and pay. I also prayed (due to poor credit) that God would help me to obtain an apartment if he wanted me to be with my guy - and He did. I was approved on the spot (credit was no prob) and didn't even have to pay a security deposit - unheard of these days. My job and boss turned out to be a pefect fit - it seemed like I was on my way to what God had promised.

My guy and his roommate (a guy - his BF from HS) were still a half hour away from me, but were in process of building a house close to my new apartment (which is why I chose that location). My guy was working very early (5am every day) which meant that he was going to bed by 8:30 and we still didn't get to see each other a lot. If we did he was always tired when I talked to or saw him. The strain of our long distance relationship had taken its toll and both of us were down to our last straws.

I have found out that I have a mix of anxiety/depression that I'm trying to work on (meds & therapy) - and I am beginning to see some good results. But it was destroying our relationship - I freaked out about the fact that I couldn't see my guy on a regular basis - I needed God to help me get a handle on it.

In addition to all of the mess above (which has worn us both out), we had a pre-marital counseling session with this lady on mid-August who told us that our relationship is over and that we will never work together. Who is she to say that, when God is the one who told us to be together? It seemed over the top when neither one of us had even mentioned a desire to break up. She almost got angry with us when we argued with her about it. It didn't seem professional at all. She went as far to say that this relationship was not authored by God - which totally goes against what my guy & I both heard from God and have had plenty of confirmation. I told her that she didn't know us well enough to say that we wouldn't work out, to which she retorted angrily - "well I know people". She proceeded to imply that my guy was not committed to this relationship. Needless to say, the session ended in disaster.

After all of that, my guy & I left the session with great angst in our hearts. He felt demolished, because she had said he would never be what I need. I felt destroyed because she said that I can't be in a relationship and get healed at the same time. Worst of all, my guy began considering breaking up because of what this woman said, only because he fears that he is hurting me by being with me. (Not true by the way - he has helped me to heal).

We had taken two cars to the counselors because my guy was supposed to stay with his family an extra day to go to Cedar Point that day. After about an hour of holding hands, both of us crying and holding each other while trying to figure things out, we decided to earnestly pray about the situation over that weekend.

I had an hour and a half to think about things on the drive home. My guy called me a few times while I was driving, because he was concerned about me. I cried more than I think I've ever cried. Suddenly, it hit me - and I mean it "clicked" in my head what was going on.

I had seen this counselor on my own a month before that last session, in order to start my own treatment for anxiety/depression. During the session, she implied that she thought my guy was using me for my money, and that he didn't really want to be with me, that he was not capable of having an "adult" relationship. She told me not to tell my guy these things, but to go home and try to write 4 statements about why I feel he actually does want to be with me. I fought with what she said for a month before our last session, and it made the situation with my guy a lot worse, because I reacted to his behavior based on what she said to me about him.

After this all came together in my head, I had a great sense of peace in my heart, and I mean the peace that passes understanding. I really felt like this lady is deceived. She just doesn't know what's going on here. I KNOW this relationship was ordained by God - He told us both (and other people) that we were to marry. I know that my guy & I love each other very very much.

There were about half a dozen phone calls between us on that day. Both of us were miserable and crying all day. I mean, this is not the behavior that two people display when they don't want to be together.

I finally went to bed that night. Just before I went to sleep, I was reading the Bible - I have a reading plan that I follow. The chapter that was scheduled for me to read had a verse about when going to war, that the man who is engaged should return to the woman, or he might die in battle and another man marry her. My jaw dropped. In my opinion, it was God and He was right there confirming everything.

Ever since that day, my guy has been pulling away from me. I'm so scared, because my guy came to a conclusion to break up with me a week and a half ago based on what the counselor said. He called me last week to see how I was doing. I called him a few days later to see how he was doing. He said he was really busy with work and the house, and mentioned that he hasn't been eating much.
With him, I know that's a sure sign he's really upset.

I've been wrecked over this whole thing. I love my guy so much and I know he loves me. I feel like God wants us apart for a while so that He can work on the things that would be harmful to a marriage. I still feel like God is showing me that this is going to be my husband, that I have to be patient and wait for God to bring him back.
I know that I have to trust that if it is God that He will speak to my guy and bring him back when the time is right. I just don't know what to do now. I guess I shouldn't be calling or emailing - so I really haven't. I only phoned him once since the breakup.

I talked to the guy's mom. She's always been like a 2nd mom to me. She told me she's been praying and feels like God still wants us to be together, and that my guy will come back in a few months. My guy doesn't really talk to her much, but she told me she knows he's hurt over our breakup and absolutely still loves me. I'm so confused.
Any advice?

Dear heart_on_sleeve,

Being a fellow believer myself, I can understand where you are coming from on this issue.

But let me just say that I think you are moving in the right direction. God does have a plan for everyone & everything. If He feels that there needs to be healing individually, He will make time for that before the sanctity of marriage is brought in to the equation. You are right about this.

Personally, I think marriage at this point would be a very poor decision. You have your things to deal with, just as he has his. Give this one some more time. If you & your sweetie love each other the way that you have expressed, God will work everything out. If it is in His plan for this marriage to happen, it will. As hard as it is to do right now, keep praying for peace. What you need right now is peace of mind. You can not worry or stress over things that you can not control. There is a plan and it will pan out, but you have to have faith that it will.

Give your sweetie some time to heal himself. Just as you need time, so does he. Keep in contact to let him know that you do still love and care for him however. I don't think this situation calls for complete silence, but I do think it calls for some down time so to speak.

Continue to go through your therapy as needed and continue to pray. Believe me, your faith and your love for this man will pull you through. God bless & best wishes to you both!

Thanks Dreamer -

Your advice is totally what I needed to hear - that I'm NOT necessarily crazy!

He told his mom that this is just for right now, he doesn't know what the future holds. It's been getting tougher over the last few weeks. It's now been a month since the break up and we're not really talking. He called me a week ago when he got mad because I still talk to his mom, so now I can't call her anymore. I feel like he's pushing me away. Last Wednesday was my b-day and he didn't call email or send a card. I'm sad. I miss him so much. I've been praying for him every day to be in the center of God's will - whatever that is. It's hard to feel like this is God's plan because everything looks exactly opposite of what God told us for so long. I guess I just need to lean on God's understanding and not my own.

His birthday is in a month. Would it be a bad idea to send him a very simple card? I'm not sure...

You are very welcome!

This post that you made kind of concerns me a little bit. (your reply post) The reason being, he is really and truly pulling away. There is a reason for this. There's no way to know without him talking about it & right now, that isn't an option. One thing I must strongly advise you against is to be clingy or try to force him to talk.

Unfortunately, his request to stop talking to his mom right now is valid. The only thing is, if this was only temporary - why would he ask you to stop talking to her?

As for the card on his birthday, I'd not send him one. I know you really want to & show him that you care, but if he can't think of you - why should you go the extra mile to think of him? See what I mean?

You can't let him know that your life is empty without him, even if you may feel that is. This will only push him away even more because you are no longer a challenge.

There is also one more thing to consider hon. Can God not change his plans for your life? Can God not see something in this man and decide that he is not who he said he was after all? Let God do the deciding here, as you said. If this man isn't the man God truly intends for your life partner, he will bring someone else in. Just please be open to that idea, OK? I know that's really hard to do right now because your heart is longing for this guy, but don't limit God. Ok? My prayers will be with you and your heartache. Stay strong, He is there!

Excellent advice Dreamer!

I am a new Christian of about 18 months and although it may seem hard right now and it's always hard when it's you going through it, you just have to trust in the Lord and he will not let you down. The reason why we worry is because our faith is not strong. Easier said than done but the stronger your faith, the less you will worry. This goes for ANYTHING!

Take care and God bless.