I am being asked to be like this but I don't do it , why?.

I need to admire my partner and I want someone who uses their intellect, exhibits generosity & strong morals and has a passion for something other than work, money & sex. They can have a passion for those things, but because I consider that these things do not contribute to a person’s integrity and happiness nor contribute to society, I require that they embrace something else that I can connect with & admire.

OK, so these values are important to ME, & why should that mean they should be important to you? Because I cannot admire & be attracted to someone who places no importance on these values. I don’t think it’s asking too much for me to expect my husband & the father of my children to develop/foster an interest in “ACTIVE PARENTING” rather than passive parenting. When I say this to you, you immediately start talking about the physical aspects of parenting. I am talking about the psychological aspects of motivating children to succeed at school and forming strong values & ethics regarding work, relationships and living in society. I have PLEADED with you to show some interest/passion in helping me & pleaded with you to do some reading. You are reading one book only & said to me “I don’t know where to look.” This is a passive statement: Are you saying, I don’t know how to look on the internet with a Google search for “passive parenting” or “how to give children structure” or “good parenting values” or “socializing happy productive children” or “Ideal computer usage for teenagers” or “should you have high expectations for children to achieve?”………………… I could find 20,000 articles that would help to start your education on this. And so could you….. if you wanted to. Be honest, you’re just not interested. And instead of supporting me in instituting successful strategies for raising productive happy children, you fight me all the way. I refuse to do this any more.

I'm confused, is this you?:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/not-backing-her-up-398605.html

Is the above what your partner is saying to you? Or are both of you using the same account?

Either way I'm getting the impression that one parent has decided what parenting style is appropriate and is trying to get the other, who has little say in the matter, on board. If you're going to work as a team you need to work out a team strategy. You need to discuss, not dictate, what you feel will work, together.

I might add that I have raised 2 happy, moral, kind, well-balanced, high-achieving young adults and haven't read any of those books. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with reading them if you want to but there's more than one way to crack a nut.

There were often times when my hubby and I had different views on what was best for the children but we learned to compromise. It was very hard sometimes for me to sit back and let hubby do things differently to the way I would but I also knew that I couldn't be right all the time and the children would benefit from a balanced approach, as long as we agreed between us what was going to happen and stood together.

Remember children don't just learn the things you choose to teach them, but learn massive amounts from the example you set them. Including how relationships work or don't.

What QLP said is exactly correct. A family is built on relationships, and teamwork. Without teamwork in family, in work, and in life we would all still be protozoa. But we evolved. So do the natural thing, and work together. Two heads are better than one, even if they clash at times, there's always a compromising solution.

Is the above what your partner is saying to you? YES Always the partner saying to me

Or are both of you using the same account? No just me using this account - not the writer of the demands

Your comments help -And like you I think my kids are in general happy , good kids but I dont have a lot of views on how to go about bring up the kids and this is not acceptable anymore

[QUOTE=QLP;2367327]I'm confused, is this you?:

Yes same person

I think you two could do with some couples counselling to help you communicate better. It seems that your partner has become accustomed to taking charge and being in control and expects you to do things her way. In response, you may well have backed off into your shell somewhat and feel unable to contribute effectively. You two need to learn to communicate and compromise. Talk to your partner about some counselling together, at least she won't be able to accuse you of being passive if you are the one to suggest it.

Yes have been to counseling but not a brilliant result , We had a counsellor that we both went to a few times but she ( the counsellor ) didn't say what my wife liked to hear. So she's been wiped off , She went to another who also didn't say what my wife wanted to hear and so she's running out of counselors . But I'm still being told she wants , Its like a demand that I can't achieve , An impossible goal has been set for me to get. .