ConfusedIndividual
May 25, 2010, 11:02 AM
For starters I feel like a total idiot because I am in my late thirties and I am only now figuring this out. Not to mention I sometimes feel crazy myself for even thinking this because I could not fathom doing this to my own children. I believe my mom is and has been my entire life out to destroy me.
I guess to go back to my childhood, I remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember is my father was a very abusive alcoholic who always doled out the physical punishments (to say the least). But as I grow older and getting a clue (lol) I’m starting to realize that it was my mother who was in the background provoking these cruel punishments. I do have a sister who has always been my mothers baby, and without getting too detailed, I was pretty much there Cinderella. As my sister was being pampered with frilly dresses and long locks, I had a boy haircut (I’m a female) and wore third generation hand me downs. I did most of the housework and if I complained I got punished. I was taught never to stick up for myself (nor was I ever protected) and to this day I have trouble.
My mother, I’m finding out has lied about me my entire life. It was one of these lies that was essentially "the straw that broke the camels back" for me. I was accused of doing drugs long before I ever smoked my first joint and when I was accused of stealing and drinking the Niquil from the medicine cabinet I said enough was enough and ran away. Of course, my parents had me thrown in jail for incorigability. Though the juvenile court system acknowledged and documented the abuse I experienced at the hands of my parents, they never did anything about it and I remained in custody until I ran away from a home I was placed in.
I ended up marring a man (at 17) my father felt was a good choice for me. He was extremely abusive and controlling however I did not realize this until CPS became involved in our lives many years later because my ex broke a broomstick over my four year old child's back. During CPS’s weekly visits, I was counseled about domestic violence and urged to take my children and run, which I did.
Shortly after my divorce was final, my ex moved in with my parents (why I do not know) and in less than three weeks my mother left my father after 40+ years of marriage and took my ex with. It gets worse. Still trusting my mother (a couple years later) I had moved in with my mother with two of my children (there are three but the third wanted to live with there dad and even though I had full custody, I foolishly allowed it) after getting out of a not so good relationship, temporarily until I could find employment and a job. I had left my children with my mother while I went to run an errand and when I came back she had contacted my ex and had him come take my children, their property, even going my things to retrieve their birth certificates, etc. (Speaking of property, I had stored some very important boxed items with my father which he says he “mistakingly” gave to my ex!) Last time I checked they called this kidnapping!
Of course she eventually kicked me out (after putting a restraining order on me) then testified on my ex’s behalf (even paying for a lawyer for him) so he could officially gain custody of the children. They lied about me in court, and though I filed the police reports, CPS reports and therapist reports, they gave him my children. By the way I was thrown in jail for the first time for not paying child support in less than a month of him gaining custody. I found out four years back, my ex (at that point) had been investigated a total of 13 times by CPS, three times of which were for molestation. I found this out while two of my children were in foster care while my ex was being investigated. The third had moved in with me and my new (and very wonderful non-abusive) husband shortly before all this after fighting with his father for almost a year to move in with me (This was the first time I have had any contact with the children in years). Essentially my children have been drugged, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused but nothing can be substantiated. Did I mention I have NEVER been investigated by CPS yet according to my mother and my ex, I am the child molester!
We are now back in court (because my ex is trying to get child support for the child who has lived with me for over 4 years… seriously!! ) and the drama has started again. My mom is again trying to gather anything she thinks she can use against me and the sad thing is the court listens to her. I mean she did work for the same courts for over 20 years!? (Yes, she retired a year ago).
I truly believe that between her and my ex, they will do anything to either control me or make me look like a monster. I have done nothing wrong. And the sad thing is I can't get away from it. I could spend years away from them and they would find out something that happened to me, call me out on it then twist it around like I’m trying to get money from them or something. It is insanity! If I keep her in my life she is constantly trying to intimidate me and control me. If I ignore her, she makes stuff up (and makes ME feel bad for it). And again, people believe this woman. (To note as for mental illness in the family, my sister was recently diagnosed as a narsasistic schizo because her son is currently in foster care while she is being investigated by CPS. She lives with my mother and both have literally accused me of being a witch. My father says both have always been jealous of me.)
I’m just at my wits end. I could never afford a lawyer, and the depression I have makes it impossible for me to work. I don’t know if I should call this domestic violence or child abuse (or who can even help me) I just know its wrong on every level and I can't escape it. Is there any advice you can give the worlds biggest idiot? Please!
I guess to go back to my childhood, I remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember is my father was a very abusive alcoholic who always doled out the physical punishments (to say the least). But as I grow older and getting a clue (lol) I’m starting to realize that it was my mother who was in the background provoking these cruel punishments. I do have a sister who has always been my mothers baby, and without getting too detailed, I was pretty much there Cinderella. As my sister was being pampered with frilly dresses and long locks, I had a boy haircut (I’m a female) and wore third generation hand me downs. I did most of the housework and if I complained I got punished. I was taught never to stick up for myself (nor was I ever protected) and to this day I have trouble.
My mother, I’m finding out has lied about me my entire life. It was one of these lies that was essentially "the straw that broke the camels back" for me. I was accused of doing drugs long before I ever smoked my first joint and when I was accused of stealing and drinking the Niquil from the medicine cabinet I said enough was enough and ran away. Of course, my parents had me thrown in jail for incorigability. Though the juvenile court system acknowledged and documented the abuse I experienced at the hands of my parents, they never did anything about it and I remained in custody until I ran away from a home I was placed in.
I ended up marring a man (at 17) my father felt was a good choice for me. He was extremely abusive and controlling however I did not realize this until CPS became involved in our lives many years later because my ex broke a broomstick over my four year old child's back. During CPS’s weekly visits, I was counseled about domestic violence and urged to take my children and run, which I did.
Shortly after my divorce was final, my ex moved in with my parents (why I do not know) and in less than three weeks my mother left my father after 40+ years of marriage and took my ex with. It gets worse. Still trusting my mother (a couple years later) I had moved in with my mother with two of my children (there are three but the third wanted to live with there dad and even though I had full custody, I foolishly allowed it) after getting out of a not so good relationship, temporarily until I could find employment and a job. I had left my children with my mother while I went to run an errand and when I came back she had contacted my ex and had him come take my children, their property, even going my things to retrieve their birth certificates, etc. (Speaking of property, I had stored some very important boxed items with my father which he says he “mistakingly” gave to my ex!) Last time I checked they called this kidnapping!
Of course she eventually kicked me out (after putting a restraining order on me) then testified on my ex’s behalf (even paying for a lawyer for him) so he could officially gain custody of the children. They lied about me in court, and though I filed the police reports, CPS reports and therapist reports, they gave him my children. By the way I was thrown in jail for the first time for not paying child support in less than a month of him gaining custody. I found out four years back, my ex (at that point) had been investigated a total of 13 times by CPS, three times of which were for molestation. I found this out while two of my children were in foster care while my ex was being investigated. The third had moved in with me and my new (and very wonderful non-abusive) husband shortly before all this after fighting with his father for almost a year to move in with me (This was the first time I have had any contact with the children in years). Essentially my children have been drugged, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused but nothing can be substantiated. Did I mention I have NEVER been investigated by CPS yet according to my mother and my ex, I am the child molester!
We are now back in court (because my ex is trying to get child support for the child who has lived with me for over 4 years… seriously!! ) and the drama has started again. My mom is again trying to gather anything she thinks she can use against me and the sad thing is the court listens to her. I mean she did work for the same courts for over 20 years!? (Yes, she retired a year ago).
I truly believe that between her and my ex, they will do anything to either control me or make me look like a monster. I have done nothing wrong. And the sad thing is I can't get away from it. I could spend years away from them and they would find out something that happened to me, call me out on it then twist it around like I’m trying to get money from them or something. It is insanity! If I keep her in my life she is constantly trying to intimidate me and control me. If I ignore her, she makes stuff up (and makes ME feel bad for it). And again, people believe this woman. (To note as for mental illness in the family, my sister was recently diagnosed as a narsasistic schizo because her son is currently in foster care while she is being investigated by CPS. She lives with my mother and both have literally accused me of being a witch. My father says both have always been jealous of me.)
I’m just at my wits end. I could never afford a lawyer, and the depression I have makes it impossible for me to work. I don’t know if I should call this domestic violence or child abuse (or who can even help me) I just know its wrong on every level and I can't escape it. Is there any advice you can give the worlds biggest idiot? Please!