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View Full Version : My mom is trying to destroy me. Need help!


ConfusedIndividual
May 25, 2010, 11:02 AM
For starters I feel like a total idiot because I am in my late thirties and I am only now figuring this out. Not to mention I sometimes feel crazy myself for even thinking this because I could not fathom doing this to my own children. I believe my mom is and has been my entire life out to destroy me.

I guess to go back to my childhood, I remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember is my father was a very abusive alcoholic who always doled out the physical punishments (to say the least). But as I grow older and getting a clue (lol) I’m starting to realize that it was my mother who was in the background provoking these cruel punishments. I do have a sister who has always been my mothers baby, and without getting too detailed, I was pretty much there Cinderella. As my sister was being pampered with frilly dresses and long locks, I had a boy haircut (I’m a female) and wore third generation hand me downs. I did most of the housework and if I complained I got punished. I was taught never to stick up for myself (nor was I ever protected) and to this day I have trouble.

My mother, I’m finding out has lied about me my entire life. It was one of these lies that was essentially "the straw that broke the camels back" for me. I was accused of doing drugs long before I ever smoked my first joint and when I was accused of stealing and drinking the Niquil from the medicine cabinet I said enough was enough and ran away. Of course, my parents had me thrown in jail for incorigability. Though the juvenile court system acknowledged and documented the abuse I experienced at the hands of my parents, they never did anything about it and I remained in custody until I ran away from a home I was placed in.

I ended up marring a man (at 17) my father felt was a good choice for me. He was extremely abusive and controlling however I did not realize this until CPS became involved in our lives many years later because my ex broke a broomstick over my four year old child's back. During CPS’s weekly visits, I was counseled about domestic violence and urged to take my children and run, which I did.

Shortly after my divorce was final, my ex moved in with my parents (why I do not know) and in less than three weeks my mother left my father after 40+ years of marriage and took my ex with. It gets worse. Still trusting my mother (a couple years later) I had moved in with my mother with two of my children (there are three but the third wanted to live with there dad and even though I had full custody, I foolishly allowed it) after getting out of a not so good relationship, temporarily until I could find employment and a job. I had left my children with my mother while I went to run an errand and when I came back she had contacted my ex and had him come take my children, their property, even going my things to retrieve their birth certificates, etc. (Speaking of property, I had stored some very important boxed items with my father which he says he “mistakingly” gave to my ex!) Last time I checked they called this kidnapping!

Of course she eventually kicked me out (after putting a restraining order on me) then testified on my ex’s behalf (even paying for a lawyer for him) so he could officially gain custody of the children. They lied about me in court, and though I filed the police reports, CPS reports and therapist reports, they gave him my children. By the way I was thrown in jail for the first time for not paying child support in less than a month of him gaining custody. I found out four years back, my ex (at that point) had been investigated a total of 13 times by CPS, three times of which were for molestation. I found this out while two of my children were in foster care while my ex was being investigated. The third had moved in with me and my new (and very wonderful non-abusive) husband shortly before all this after fighting with his father for almost a year to move in with me (This was the first time I have had any contact with the children in years). Essentially my children have been drugged, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused but nothing can be substantiated. Did I mention I have NEVER been investigated by CPS yet according to my mother and my ex, I am the child molester!

We are now back in court (because my ex is trying to get child support for the child who has lived with me for over 4 years… seriously!! ) and the drama has started again. My mom is again trying to gather anything she thinks she can use against me and the sad thing is the court listens to her. I mean she did work for the same courts for over 20 years!? (Yes, she retired a year ago).

I truly believe that between her and my ex, they will do anything to either control me or make me look like a monster. I have done nothing wrong. And the sad thing is I can't get away from it. I could spend years away from them and they would find out something that happened to me, call me out on it then twist it around like I’m trying to get money from them or something. It is insanity! If I keep her in my life she is constantly trying to intimidate me and control me. If I ignore her, she makes stuff up (and makes ME feel bad for it). And again, people believe this woman. (To note as for mental illness in the family, my sister was recently diagnosed as a narsasistic schizo because her son is currently in foster care while she is being investigated by CPS. She lives with my mother and both have literally accused me of being a witch. My father says both have always been jealous of me.)

I’m just at my wits end. I could never afford a lawyer, and the depression I have makes it impossible for me to work. I don’t know if I should call this domestic violence or child abuse (or who can even help me) I just know its wrong on every level and I can't escape it. Is there any advice you can give the worlds biggest idiot? Please!

artlady
May 25, 2010, 11:59 AM
I’m just at my wits end. I could never afford a lawyer, and the depression I have makes it impossible for me to work.

If you are unable to pay a lawyer and can not work ,you should qualify for a court appointed lawyer.

You will have to prove to the court what income you do have in order to qualify.

If you are unemployed and have no income ,how do you manage to support yourself and your child who has been in your custody for the past four years?

While a lawyer will not be able to mend the wounds from your childhood and your abusive past ,he or she can speak for you now in a court of law,regarding this issue.

Did the child in question attend school.do you have proof that this child has been in your custody?

It seems to me your mother is bringing frivolous cases to the court for some hidden agenda of her own and the court does not look kindly on people using the system to have a family fight.

If you are not already I would seek professional help for your depression,stay as far away from your mother and anyone who is in her corner and get a lawyer.

This relationship with your mother will only become more toxic if you continue to allow her in your life in any capacity.

Good luck!

ConfusedIndividual
May 25, 2010, 12:40 PM
To answer your questions. My husband supports me, unfortunately he makes too much for me to qualify for assistance but with only one income we are barely making ends meet. As for proof for the child that lives with me, all has been submitted, so no worries there. Also to let you know, because this is a family court case they do not appoint lawyers for you. If you want a lawyer you must provide your own. Hope that answered everything for you :)

artlady
May 25, 2010, 01:38 PM
I live in New York and I was able to get a family court appointed lawyer but given you have an income ,it is a moot point.

Many family courts offer free mediation services,that may be an option you could look into.

You might also want to put a bug in someone's ear about her recurrent harassment. Or file an order of protection for harassment.

Given the fact that you can prove you have been the custodial parent,it would seem she has no validity for her case of child support.

I think you need to press charges against her and put an end to this nonsense once and for all.
Perhaps if she was on the receiving end of a legal threat she would stop her foolish vindictive behavior.

ConfusedIndividual
May 26, 2010, 07:30 AM
Actually, I did request mediation recently but was denied. I haven't attempted to get an order of protection on her, but I tried to once on him. But because he is my ex husband (related), and its just harassment, not actual physical violence, I do not qualify for a restraining order. I would love to put an end to this. As far as legal options (filing charges, whichever) are concerned, I wouldn't know what to file!? The woman speaks, people listen. She has come up with some of the most off the wall stuff and Im completely blindsided when it happens. I tried filing a complaint with the fbi (for failure to keep from harm against the court) which my mother knew about, and she threatened my life in not so many words. A friend does know but if I contact the police she's going to make me look like Im the crazy one. Like lord forbid I think something like that, I must be out of my mind! The woman is smart and pure evil. Why the hell she has it out for me is beyond me and just beyond cruel (being she's my mom and all). That's why I posted this. I feel trapped and don't know what to do!

artlady
May 26, 2010, 12:08 PM
If you can prove ,through texts or email that she has threatened you and is harassing you,you will not be denied the right to file a charge against her.

Write down the times and the places of the harassment and keep accurate records of the incidents.It is your civil right to file.

This is the only way I can envision that she will stop her harassment and frivolous lawsuits.

You have to be persistent and write down the names of everyone you speak to and follow up with them.

Here is a link I hope you will find useful.
Harassment (http://www.letswrap.com/legal/harass.htm)

ConfusedIndividual
May 27, 2010, 12:42 PM
You know your absolutely right, and I should have been keeping notes in the first place. When my children first came back into my life I wrote down literally EVERYTHING! Everyone I talked to, everything that was said to me. Sometimes dates and times. I never did that with my mother. I always figured she's my mom. She loves me right. She would never hurt me. She's only doing what she's doing because she's being manipulated into it. Now Im finding out different. It never even occurred to me to keep track of it on her. And even so, she makes stuff up on me. Provides absolutely no documentation to back up her claim and that's that. Like I said, I gave the courts everything I had from the therapists, police and CPS and I don't even think they looked at it! My ex is the same way. Anyway, I really appreciate the link. I will definitely check it out. Thanks.