I'm 28 years old & recently got married to my partner whom I lived together for 2 years. He's 28 too.During the 1st 6 months when we started living together, we had good sexual relationship. We had bit of arguments going on here & there. After 6 months things started to get worse.He refused to have sex wi me, even when I initiate it, had lots of arguments(over silly little things) At first he did not talk about it (took him 2 months to tell me exactly why he doesn't want to have sex wi me).He had several reasons.
1.he didn't want me to get pregnant because I was doing my bachelors degree & he too was studying. And since we're not married.
2.my behaviour - he says he get fed up of the way I talk & think. According to him I don't think twice before I talk & that I say stupid things or ask stupid questions.
3.he says that if we have sex often before marriage then we'll lose interest after we get married.
4.he's too tired after work.
5.& many more reasons.

What he finally says is let him finish his studies & let us both settle down financially. I know he loves me & he care about me but what I don't understand is why can't he just keep up the 'fire' in this relationship. We didn't have sex since Feb 2009. We got married in April 2010. & NO we did not have honeymoon, yet!! No sexual connection what so ever. Only very occasional French kiss.

I told this to my parents & they are surprised but they tell me to be patient. Sometimes I cry during night because I feel so stressed out. He cuddles me sometimes, but he fall asleep so quick, I don't even get to talk to him in bed. I tried to explain what I'm going through & I felt embarrassed. I don't want to make him feel that Im desperate but I really need that warmth from him again.

I know he watches porn while Im sleep. He often does it in the morning. He wakes up early. I even found (not recently but last year) that he was flirting wi other girls whom he has never seen.

Now, I'm not bothered to look in to what he's doing (coz I get hurt). I feel like there's no fire in our relationship although we hug & cuddle each other.

I feel worn out. Just living because there's life in my body. I keep smiling & show him that everything is all right though deep down within me, I'm not truly happy.

I tried watching porn to see if I can get it back. I tried my own to see if I can get some satisfaction. But it makes me feel more depressed.

Please tell me what I should do. I want to do something to make him interested in having sex with me but I just don't know how I should go about it. It seems that he's over controlling himself and selfish.

I don't think your problem is about sex, but the over all way he treats you. You knew how he was and after 6 months things changed, why did you not confront him then, and why did you go along with his reasons, and treatment.

Now you can dress sexy or buy some Viagra, but I doubt that will help, but you can ask him why is he with you if you have to act as brother and sister. Bottom line you need to talk, and not accept excuses, nor any bad behavior or words that belittle you.

I honestly don't see how you get along with him if he isn't meeting any of your needs, let alone sex. The lack of sex is a symptom of a greater problem, that needs to be addressed. That's what you need to find.

Has the possibility crossed your mind that he is addicted to porn and is simply self-pleasuring himself? If he's masturbating daily, he's probably sexually fulfilled and really isn't wanting sex when you do.

It blows my mind because you've only been married a matter of weeks. Usually a marriage starts with frequent sex that dwindles off somewhat over the years.

The problem is HIS problem - it’s got nothing at all to do with your desirability.

If he isn't willing to see a doctor or address his problems, and you're unhappy... then maybe it's time to move on. If you don't you'll have a miserable life filled with self-doubt and no self-confidence.

That you didn't have sex for over a year before you married him, should have been a big red flag.

The porn is a problem. He is interracting on these porn sites, with other women, I think you said chatting. That crosses the line, and I too would be upset. If there ever was an agreement on what constitues cheating, I would hope that interractive porn sites would be on the list. The consequences are devastating.

It takes two people in a relationship, to solve problems, that occur within the relationship itself. It doesn't belong to only the person who doesn't think it's a problem, if it is creating a problem for the other half.

A disagreement over who should have filled up the car is one thing. But, a wedge in a relationship caused in part by interractive porn, is quite another.

I get the impression that he does not think he has a problem, although to justify his behaviour, he sure finds a lot wrong with you! The more hurt and confused you are by his words, the less he has to be held accountable for his own.

Don't let him do this to you!

Insist on time together to discuss the lack of communication between the two of you, and the problems that each of you feel is ongoing. If it starts to get heated, or into a match where defensive moves start to overshadow issues and direct questions, then try something else.

Like counselling.

If you have problems communicating now, what do you think will happen 10 years from now.

Before this goes any further, schedule counselling with a marriage counsellor and learn how to work out this impasse, and learn how to communicate.

"2.my behaviour - he says he get fed up of the way I talk & think. According to him I dont think twice before I talk & that I say stupid things or ask stupid questions. "

I think that this sentence explains how he treats you. With disrespect.

You said that he looks at porn, but you didn't mention if you think that he is masturbating to this porn. For a normal, healthy, man to be living with his wife, and looking at internet porn, and NOT have some type of sexual release at least occasionally... something's not right. So, he is probably masturbating to porn, and leaving you frustrated and upset, wondering where the marriage is headed. That sounds like porn addiction to me.

But how about the way he treats you? Why would you allow yourself to be treated with such disregard?

And are you SURE he's not gay? Is he on the fence? Sorry, had to ask. That's a long time without sex. I get out of whack after only two weeks.

Maybe HE isn't the one for you.

Don't take responsibility for this.

I wish you the best.