Hey everyone,
This is my first post, I've been reading a lot of stuff here about other stuff and found it useful.
Anyway, so last night my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me and the sad thing is her prom was the night before and we had a blast together. I have no idea what to do like we have taken breaks during our relationship before but nothing like this. She has deleted me from BBM(blackberry messenger) won't answer any texts her phone is always off when I try to call her parents hate me now so I can't call the house she also went as far as blocking me on Facebook. The words she said before all this happened was that we would always be bestest of friends, so much for that. I think I'm most scared of her going out clubbing or something and having sex with another guy or something that's all I can think about. I haven't slept the last 2 nights. PLEASE HELP I Don't KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Sorry for your loss, but recognize that your in shock right now over this, and you're a jangle of emotional mess.

Right now you need friends and family who are close to you, that can get you through your shock.

Can you give us more details, and information of this relationship, and what you think lead up to the break up? Sounds like your high school sweetheart has been planning this for a while. That's why your in shock, because you probably never saw this coming.

Sorry this has happened, but there is really nothing you can do but leave her alone. It will take time and support from friends and family.
Did you two have an argument about something? Some of this could be leaving HS/going away to school anxiety. Would you two be going to different schools?

Jeeze, that REALLY sucks. :(
And you have no idea why this came about?

Talaniman,
Her and I have been going out since I was grade 10 her grade 9. uhm she came to me 2 weeks ago or so and said we are becoming different people and she thinks I was smothering her. I said ill back off we can work something out, so we hang out only a few times within those 2 weeks when normally I would have seen her about 90% of it. I kind of knew something was up and wanted to fix it but for it to happen like this isn't right and that's why I'm hurt. I don't want to lose a close friend, I even said id rather keep you a best friend then lose you all together. My friends and family are helping me as well I haven't stayed in the house, I try to keep going or I just break down. What else would you like to know about our relationship?

Homegirl,
No we didn't have an argument although she got really upset at my parents for some reason and now her parents hate mine and me. You she is going to university and I'm second year college. But both in the same city. We never went to the same school through out our relationship (which in my opinion is why it lasted as long as it didn't we didn't get tired of eachother). I don't want to text her anything because I will never get a response and that will break me.

What did she mean by saying that you were smothering her? And you really have no idea why she hates your parents and such?

ohsohappy,
She said we have been together throughout her high school life and she never got to be single. She wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends (but we all know what happens there) so I always went with her. My parents loved her and her parents loved me. She told her mom that she thought my parents never really liked her and felt uncomfortable around them yet she never mentioned this to so I had no idea.

ohsohappy,
she said we have been together throughout her highschool life and she never got to be single. she wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends (but we all know what happens there) so i always went with her. my parents loved her and her parents loved me. she told her mom that she thought my parents never really liked her and felt uncomfortable around them yet she never mentioned this to so i had no idea.

This must be very hard for you. But I can also understand where she is coming from.
I for one know sever people who go to clubs and go back home alone (I personally never go) As far as you guys not talking right now, it's probably for the best. You both need time ti heal, and believe it or not, this might be very hard for her too. Four years of feelings don't evaporate overnight. I think she needs to sort herself out. You need to do the same. Focus on you, even though it's very hard for you to not think about her.

its just weird not waking up to a text saying morning or something or a text in the middle of the day. I've been reading a lot about the NC but its not my thing I like to have a lot of communication. But I'm going to try it anyway. I haven't sent her a message in a while. And that's what I said to hear how do you not love me after 4 years and just end it like this (about 2 weeks ago with the smothering) I said deep down I know you love me still. But she will not admit it. Last night when we talked for about 2 seconds she said your going to make this very hard for the both of us if we keep talking, she said I don't want to talk to you because I know you love me. And I'm not going to tell her I don't because I know I do. But she is not willing to admit she still does as well. I have been trying to focus on myself keeping busy. My family and friends are all keeping really close to me because they all knew how long this relationship has been and how close we were. But there's random times when I think about what she's doing or something and I just break down.

Well I know it is hard but you need to leave her alone. She needs space and it sounds like you never gave her much even when you were together.
This break up is about her, her getting the space and time she needs, she does not need you trying to talk her into admitting anything.
She may just want to be free, and that is her right.

Do the no contact, and understand she has been think of how and when to end this for a long time and she finally got the courage to tell you.

Leave her alone for a solid month, so your shock can wear off, from the suddenness of the break up, and the emotional dust can settle, and you can think clearly, because now your too emotional to rationalize anything logical. Nor understand HER feelings, because of the intensity YOUR feelings.

I'd say she's been unhappy for quite a long time, and it was really hard for her to break up with you.

Problem is that there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You need to accept that the relationship is over. Let her go and move on with your life.

I understand about the moving on part but I still want to be her friend and everything not ignored and blocked from all contact.

And eventually you may have that after a proper healing. What you can't give it the time it takes? Obviously that's what she needs (and so do you), so what's your hurry to force something she , or you, may not be ready for yet? Or is it the hope she will change her mind? Be honest.

Honestly,
I want to be friends with her she has been a big part of my life we went through so much stuff together. I'm scared she will go out and just hook up with other guys. I'm not expecting her to change her mind I know that's out of the question at this time.

So how would you feel if your friend dated another, and had no time for you?

It would hurt like hell wouldn't it? That is why forcing a friendship to keep someone in your life would be a bad idea, and cause you more misery, and pain than you are in now.

I think friendship with out the proper recovery will stop you from being a good friend as its extremely difficult to go from romance to just friends without healing the wounds and hurts, so you can make the adjustments to good friends.

You cannot force the process without making things much more miserable for your own mental, and emotional health, as true friends will be friends, without seeing each other every day, and no matter what they do with their own individual lives.

I'm scared she will go out and just hook up with other guys.
Don't let your emotions, especially your fear, make you impulsive and force something neither of you may be ready for.

The hard part about our relationship as well is that we were never friends to begin with we kind of just started dating and went a long with it. But that's all I think about is her going out and hooking up with guys. Like its just in the back of my head I can't shake it off. But I see your point like if she started dating and had no time for her friend.

I have a situation on my hands, so I just realized she has my camera still from her prom. I kind of want it back. I don't want to go to her house because I'm scared her mom or dad will shoot me. I want to kind of meet up with her alone (if she's up for it).

One last note, I have really no idea what I have done to her to make her want to end all contact as sudden as this and block me from Facebook and such. I have done everything for her and treated her the best. Do you think it was an impulse from her parents/friends to do this?


Do you think it would be all right if I gave her a call in the next few days about my camera?

Or ask a friend to get it for you. That's probably the best route, as she doesn't really want to see you, because I suspect she is suffering through this also.

I really don't see her suffering. If she was don't you think that she wouldn't of blocked me from everything and would have wanted to stay friends?


Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions I never really went through this before. I never felt this way about another girl. All the other little breaks that we took throughout our relationship we have always gotten back together but she said the night this happened that there is no chance.

You may not see her suffering but going No Contact with you would be the advice for her to get through this break up.

That's exactly why we have told your to do the same. Have NC with her. That's to heal, and recover.

About that camera, let a good friend do it for you.

You ill do that. But yet another situation I need help over coming. So the weekend is coming up. Do you think she would go out intentionally to hurt me or hook up with other guys?

Hey prowaker, I have just replied to you on my other post but thought I'd have an attempt at answering your above question.

The feelings I have for my boyfriend are so strong, and the break-up so raw, that the thought of even looking at another guy right now makes me feel a bit sick. Seriously, I could not handle it. And I know my boyfriend is the type to be sitting there worrying the same thing as you, so my answer to him would be "stop being so silly! You know me so well right? You know I would never do that!!"

But obviously I don't know your girlfriend, and I don't know what she will do to try and make herself feel better, but at the end of the day as hard as it is it's her decision what she does now and you unfortunately can't do much about it. By trying to find out about it and worrying about it, you are only causing more pain for yourself, not for her. It is so much easier said than done, but not knowing in this case might be the best solution. Not even TRYING to know or find out, or pay attention to what she's doing. Because like I said, it would probably be only you that's getting hurt.

And her going out and rebounding might be what's right for her at the moment, who knows.. but again, she has made it clear it's her business. At the end of the day, if she really would have the heart to go out and hook up with another guy, wouldn't that perhaps make you feel more happy that it's over and glad you're not wrapped up with someone who could make you feel like that anymore? And who could have such little disregard for you that she'd go and do that at the drop of a hat? Just an idea.

I really feel your pain though, tonight will be so hard, I can empathise with you as I know that it's like to be alone after all of this and after being so attached to someone. We spoke on the phone for about 2 hours every night for 2 years, and now it's all gone. It is complete and utter crap. Sorry if I haven't done much good here but I hope you know that there is someone else out here (me) who might just be feeling as rubbish as you are.

Good luck

But obviously I don't know your girlfriend, and I don't know what she will do to try and make herself feel better, but at the end of the day as hard as it is it's her decision what she does now and you unfortunately can't do much about it. By trying to find out about it and worrying about it, you are only causing more pain for yourself, not for her. It is so much easier said than done, but not knowing in this case might be the best solution. Not even TRYING to know or find out, or pay attention to what she's doing. Because like I said, it would probably be only you that's getting hurt.



Its so very true.
The past few nights I've just been wondering what she has been doing trying to get to her Facebook profile wondering what's going on in her life. We have talked on the phone every night same as you for almost 4 years, so not hearing from her for even a day is like heartbreaking. We took a break about 7-8 months ago which we both agreed on and it was very healthy for us both. Although, she did go out clubbing behind my back and hooked up with another guy (nothing serious just kissed). I found out after the weekend had ended a friend of mine told me. And I went to her and freaked and then I let her explain herself and she said she regretted everything that happened. But this time she said it is over FOR SURE between us and there is absolutely no chance of us getting back together. So I feel that she will be going behind my back and stuff. I trust her and don't see her being the type of girl to find another guy anytime soon though. Which I'm glad for.

so I feel that she will be going behind my back and stuff. I trust her and don't see her being the type of girl to find another guy anytime soon though. Which I'm glad for.

She has a right to, as its not a matter of trust any more, because its no longer your business, right? If she did, and not saying she will, how would that be breaking your trust since she has said no way for you?

She has a right to, as its not a matter of trust any more, because its no longer your business, right? If she did, and not saying she will, how would that be breaking your trust since she has said no way for you??

You make me think so deeply into this...

Good.

its so very true.
the past few nights ive just been wondering what she has been doing trying to get to her facebook profile wondering whats going on in her life. we have talked on the phone every night same as you for almost 4 years, so not hearing from her for even a day is like heartbreaking. we took a break about 7-8 months ago which we both agreed on and it was very healthy for us both. although, she did go out clubbing behind my back and hooked up with another guy (nothing serious just kissed). i found out after the weekend had ended a friend of mine told me. and i went to her and freaked and then i let her explain herself and she said she regretted everything that happened. but this time she said it is over FOR SURE between us and there is absolutely no chance of us getting back together. so i feel that she will be going behind my back and stuff. i trust her and dont see her being the type of girl to find another guy anytime soon though. which im glad for.

Hi prowaker,

I know, it's painful isn't it, I've been doing the same with my boyfriend, trying to see what he's up to via Facebook etc.. But there's nothing really on there. It is hard for me because I think what he's really doing is sitting alone in his flat and doing nothing except feeling low all day, and part of me almost WISHES that he would just get up and go out with his friends and try hard to distract himself. Because knowing he's in pain is almost as hard as feeling the pain that I'm going through. So in a way, the fact that your girlfriend isn't sitting around miserable and complicating her life even more (like mine has said he's not going to do his University exams this week or even go to his big boxing match he's planned), in a way isn't it a slight comfort knowing that she's okay? It's painful because she's okay and you're not, but as you care about her lots at least you know she's not suffering really really badly.

You say that she's kissed somebody else before whilst you both were on a break. I am sorry to say this, but don't you think that's quite a strong hint that even then she felt like things between you both weren't working? I think you need to believe her when she says this time it's "for sure". Because to me it seems clear that she doesn't want this relationship anymore, and if she did decide to come back to you, it might only be out of boredom/sympathy/curiosity... not the true love that you feel. And do you really want that? If she does suddenly have a change of heart, wouldn't you know deep down that it's due to her current life events, not her true feelings for you? And again, would you really want that?

I think it's easier to try to help other people than go through it yourself, because obviously what you're going through is so much more complicated and deep than can really be expressed. And it hurts so much, it's good that you're trying to keep yourself busy... I find though that people (family and friends) only want to hear about it for a certain amount of time and then they're like "okay, stop going on about it now!!" which is frustrating and makes me feel worse, but it's understandable really. That's why this site is so good because you can say as much as you want and not feel bad about it.

I hope you're getting through the day okay and had a reasonable sleep. These are the sorts of things I want to say to my boyfriend, but I'll say them to you instead! Good luck for the day

Hey,

You its hard knowing she's not suffering one bit. My best friend is in a few of her classes and he said she looks fine and doing well. I wish I could be. I'm sorry to say it but I did call her last night, I held in the tears and just tried to have a good conversation and clear some of the things up in the air. It worked, I told her that I understand she doesn't want a relationship with me but I still wanted to be friends. I didn't want to become one of those couples who say they will still be friends but in reality they just kick one or the other out of their lives. I agreed not talk/text everyday maybe like once a week just catch up kind of thing. She explained what happened and why she did it so sudden (mainly because of her and my parents which is a very long and confusing story) which kind of sucks but you are 100% right why would I want to go back into a relationship where I would love but wouldn't be loved. About that kiss that happened a while ago she did admit to regretting everything even the part going out that night so I took it as she really did love me and she messed up (was that the right move?).

I appreciate all your help, it helps to know what's going on on t he other side of things. I for one never have been the dumper so I have no idea what kind of feelings she is going through.

Hey prowaker, I'm glad you seem to be feeling a little bit better and understand things slightly better. If you really are content with being just friends and you don't feel this will be too painful for you, then why not. You might feel in time though that it is too painful and that's fine too... then you can make decisions based on that.

You say she appears not to be suffering one bit. Well, on the outside, it may appear to some people around me when I go out and about that I'm not suffering one bit, as I try to put on a really brave face and pretend everything is okay. A lot of people don't even know what's happened. But inside I feel crushed and deal with my emotions when I am on my own, or on here. So, it is actually quite possible that she is very upset too but is trying not to show it, as let's face it, after 4 years with somebody she'd be a bit of a robot if she wasn't hurt by all this!

I hope things get better for you slowly. I really feel for you and hope that seeing her happy will one day make you feel happier too. Do you still find you cry a lot and feel down a lot too? That for me just doesn't seem to be able to go away!

Best of luck

Sorry I haven't replied or updated in a bit I've been trying to keep busy. I would be happy with just being friends and I think I would be able to be content about it. We have a solid relationship as friends at this point I think anyway. Yah I can see me being in pain when that time does come where she finds another guy or something. But on the other side of things if I do find another girl she might have the same feelings as me so its something her and I will have to overcome.

Yah that's true I didn't think about her when she's on her own. I know she tries to be busy as well, she told me she's getting her summer job set up and has a lot of stuff to do and said she will probably be with her friends/family on the weekend (which in my head was sort of a relief). I know I try to pull through when I'm with friends/family or at work. Some people didn't even know until the asked me how her prom was. I was like uhh we broke up the day after.

I try to hold in the tears because I don't want my parents to see because then ill have to explain to my mom she caused this break up and she's the reason why I can't see her, at this point I think I would break down hard if I had that talk with her and she would to. I don't want to cause any more fighting between her my parents and her parents. But I feel down pretty much 75% of the day. I was at work yesterday and all I could think about was her and how I used to get 'have a good shift' text or in the last hour like 'one more hour baby' but that's gone and same with the calls at night. Everything reminds me of the times we shared and how great we were. Some of the things I own that I can't get rid of due to being used she bought me and when I pull them out its like oh mann.

When I did talk to her a few days ago, just because I had to, she helped me. She said we would be friends but she needed space and time. She says we can't really talk or see each other because she feels that I still have feelings for her (which I do but I don't want to tell her I do). Every time I get a text or call from a friend I hope its her. Although, she did add me back on Facebook and bbm. I've been trying my best not to go to her profile and id say I've been pretty good about it.

I'm just taking it day by day and waiting see what's around the corner.

This sounds almost identical to my situation, a sudden break-up. It really sucks big time!
One thing I have learned over the past few days was that being friends just makes it worse, I stupidly text her charged with raw, feeling crap emotion, and regret it now because it just made me look desperate.
I would hope to get her back, but I recommed just deleting her number and every means of communication, because getting a short text after you ask how are you and try to start a conversation is just too heartbreaking. And I'm sure you look for signs that she still loves you and wants you but don't find any?
Stop looking, and maybe out of the blue one day you will get a really nice surprise! Or maybe not but you will have moved on at least.
But I get you man, it's tough, just got to push through and not contact her or she will always take up your mind with thoughts of her. I mean right now, I can't think of one other girl I fancy and would like to be with. But hopefully that will change.

I'm not texting her with any raw emotions or anything I just like to talk you know. We know each other so well and we have gone through so many things together. Honestly, I'm not really looking for any signs that she still loves me but wants to talk to me. I just don't want to cut all communication because I'm afraid of losing her as a friend as well, if you know what I mean? And yah I know what you mean I can't stand not being with her right now and I can't see myself dating anyone else at the moment. It sucks.

I know its none of my business but I need help getting over this. What if she does go out clubbing and starts hooking up with guys? I don't know what to do. I know we aren't going out anymore but I really care about her and don't want to see her turn into that kind of person. I still have feelings for her and I know she doesn't have any for me and she can do whatever she wants. Somebody help if they have been in that situation.

i know its none of my business but i need help getting over this. what if she does go out clubbing and starts hooking up with guys? i dont know what to do. i know we arent going out anymore but i really care about her and dont want to see her turn into that kind of person. i still have feelings for her and i know she doesnt have any for me and she can do whatever she wants. somebody help if they have been in that situation.

You need to focus on yourself and not her, concentrate on other things, the gym, friends, hobbies etc. Right now you are not doing that. Look at it logically, worrying about it will not make a bit of difference to what will happen between you, it will only tear you up inside. Focus on you and you only. Over time it will get easier and you will look back and think what the hell was wrong with me to think that she was the only girl in the world for me.

You need to focus on yourself and not her, concentrate on other things, the gym, friends, hobbies etc. Right now you are not doing that. Look at it logically, worrying about it will not make a bit of difference to what will happen between you, it will only tear you up inside. Focus on you and you only. Over time it will get easier and you will look back and think what the hell was wrong with me to think that she was the only girl in the world for me.

I'm trying trust me. But being with someone for 4 years of your life and helping each other through things other people couldn't makes a huge impact on your life. I'm doing everything for myself, going to the gym, hanging out with friends doing my thing. But no matter what I end up thinking about what she's up to and if she's going out or something. It makes me nervous. It is tearing me up inside and I'm not scared to admit that. I know there are many other girls out there but its just like we were meant for each other right now, I miss her, I really do.

Hey prowaker, just going back to what you replied to me earlier, I just want to say that you sound like you're keeping really strong and managing to get through this so well - I would love to have one ounce of your strength! I am the same as you - my boyfriend bought me a beautiful and quite expensive bracelet for my 18th that I normally wear every day and every time I look at it it makes me feel so sad.

And with regards to the clubbing thing - my gosh I know how you must feel. I have this complete and utter fear that he will start talking to this girl again who he liked just before me, and who tried to contact him at intervals during our relationship, and that that will start up again. It makes me feel sick to imagine him with anyone else. I suppose it must help to know that you were obviously SO special to her, otherwise she wouldn't have been with you for 4 years, so really even if she did meet someone else, her feelings for you would probably overtake any feelings for some random guy in a club and it wouldn't really mean anything. But like the others said, it's not like it's really your business anymore, and in a few months if she does meet someone else that's when it might be best to break contact as seeing her with someone could tear you up even more. At the end of the day nothing anyone says on here can take away those feelings - you're totally entitled to those feelings - but like everyone keeps saying, over time you will gradually stop feeling such strong nerves, and WANT her to meet someone so she will be happy.

So we have to hold on to the hope that one day this will get better! One day we will feel sad 1% of the day, not & 75% or more! We will get through this! Still the best of luck to you : )

I bought her a nice ring as well for our second year anniversary or christmas. She wore it everyday well at least she told me she did. I also got her a 'pandora' bracelet which is like a charm bracelet and I would say I got her 80% of them and she never takes that off. (and these weren't cheap) and I know she still wears it so I'm guessing she is feeling the same as you but I don't want to assume.

You it makes me sick to think of her with someone else. I was actually sick one night because that's what I dreamt about and I was like oh my god! I hope that I meant something to her to be with her for 4 years. I know its none of my business but 4 years is long I REALLY REALLY care about her. I don't want to break contact I want her as a friend...

I think its getting worse.. today I couldn't get my mind off her and I cried all day..

This is going to take time, but you need to stop thinking about her going out with other people. It will happen, she has moved on.

Stop thinking about wanting her as a friend. Your feelings are raw and you would never be satisfied with that. You still want her back. Continue with NC. There is no justification for your calling her. You just want to talk to her and she has moved on.

I guess but I've seen so many couples say they will be friends but don't be. I don't want that..

I like to have a lot of communication though.

You want her back. That is what you want.

You can call her and try to be friends and you will be here posting about how she is ignoring you and how bad you're feeling.

Take the advice given to you. Take the time you need to heal. There may come a time you can talk to her without being so desperate, but the time is not now.

Ill do my best.

But when you broke up or got broken up with your significant other, did you ever wonder what they were doing what they are up to, who they are seeing?

These are all the things that pop into my mind like all the time especially when I'm sleeping.

Which break up are you referring too?? I have been dumped many times, for many reasons, and after being married to the Queen of My Universe for more than 30 years, my attitude is gratitude to all my exes. Break ups do suck when your going through them, but you survive and will be better for it. No matter what happens.

And that is natural, but we are telling you that these feelings will pass. You must go NC in order for that pain to lessen. Don't give in to those feelings.

I know but its so FREAKING hard.

I know that too.
Hang in there though.

No one said no contact would be easy. But its an alternative that will save you from much pain later on. In order to be just friends... truly only friends... you have to ask yourself "are you okay with her being with someone else". When you are at the point where your answer is yes, that is when you can contact her and be friends. But until then, stay away or you will just get more hurt.

Hey prowaker,

Aw I understand that crying all day feeling. It's SO horrid and you feel like it will never go away or get better... today for me has been a good-ISH day (like yours was a couple of days ago) and I have managed not to cry yet as I've been distracting myself and forcing myself to carry on. It's SO hard and aw being sick is nasty, I get that feeling of physical sickness, it's like constantly there in the pit of your stomach this sinking feeling and it won't go? Thing is, like I said for now we need to hold onto the hope that it will go. I keep having good days and bad days, and you will too, at least there are some good days! And when you're ready, what do you think about no contact with her? Trust me it's difficult - I spoke to him every day too - but you just somehow have to MAKE yourself do it. I really feel for you x

Your right I don't think right now I could see her with someone else it would just tear me apart.

No contact with her is like cutting something really important out of my life. That's why I don't think I can do it. I've been trying my best I really have been but then these thoughts come rushing into my head about what she's doing, who's she's with, where she's at. I know I shouldn't care but I can't help it.

Starting next week I will be starting my new job which is full time and I will still be working part time so I think this will help. Ill be out of the house and not near a computer or anything to creep. I'm just still devastated the way it happened, its just not fair.

The job should help a lot, stop your mind from wondering. I had to write a list of why its not worth me or her going out, read it each day when I forget and start to like her again. Honestly she was amazing, but I can't let myself think that. Try it out as like a first step kind of thing.
Bad thing about me was I ended writing a list of everything I loved about her which totally didn't help, I was a mess after that! So reason one for you is she got rid of you so she's missing out. She made the mistake, and you will show her she did when you get yourself together

If she goes down the road of clubbing which is very much like what My ex is doing now, then again she is just lowering her bar for boys. Another reason to not like her is that. If she kisses another boy, let her, I'll add that to the list of why I don't like her until I'm completely over her.

Do you get my point or is it badly explained?

Basically anything which you would feel hurt by, just take it, and put it on her. That way you are not as affected by it. Im in the process of doing this now and found it kind of works. I have a few nights of being in turmoil! But then I read the list and I'm back, but so far so good anyway!

Yah I know what you mean. If I were to write that list of why her and I shouldn't be going out it would be pretty short.. then the list why we should would be extremely long.. in my head it's the fact that she will be with other guys, again not that I should care and she is lowering her standards to bar guys. She will never find another me that's for sure. I treated her so well and I guess she kind of took it like I was for granted.

I'm just lost and confused and thinking I'm the only one hurting by something like this but every time I come on here and read something I realize that hundreds of people are going through the same thing.

Its just weird for me all this break up stuff because we have been together for so long and we never really took this kind of a break where we both know that we will not be getting back together.

I am 100% in your shoes it's scary, my relationship was a bit of a mess but we got through eveything together and always talked about issues we had. And don't worry about that list thing, my list of reasons for going out with her were a lot too, big mistake to write one! But my list for not going out with her was pretty short, but each day I would just add to it.
And you are right she won't find anyone like you again probably, weirdly the guy my ex likes could pass as my brother. So maybe she doe's still like me deep down I don't know, but still I'm not letting it stop me move on, she has got me back too easily and too many times. So I'm going all out to get over her and stop getting used by her. Don't become a back-up like I did, I can see you are going down that road of wanting to be the centre of her attention or if she asked you to her you would say yes because you just want to see her and hope something might happen. That happened to me a lot. It only sets up for more hurt.

So I found out 2 things.. which kind of hurts me to know.
She is going to this 'italian fest' tonight and all I can wonder about is if she's going to be drinking/partying or will she be with any guys.
Second she is going to a party tomorrow night and all I can think is the same thing.

I've been trying to keep busy and stuff but like I can't do it. Its hurts knowing that we used to do these things together. I'm scared. I feel alone, hurt and crushed. Just thinking about if she's with another guy at these things is mind blowing.

I don't mean to come on here and just say this kind of stuff but I need to let it out.

However it is you are finding these things out, stop going to those sources.
If someone wants to tell you about her, tell them you don't want to hear it and don't ask anyone about her.

Hey prowaker, it's really good that you're saying it on here because sometimes there is no one else you can tell these things too. I feel the same sometimes. I think Homegirl is right, unfortunately finding out is just going to cause you more and more pain. It's weird because being out of your situation it's easy to see that although it would be hard, cutting ALL contact with her would be the best option, as what are the options if you don't?

Okay, option number 1 - she will still talk to you every now and again, you will find out what she's doing, you'll feel complete and utter pain when you hear that she's gone places with other guys, you'll cling onto some hope that she'll realise her love for you, and the hurting will never end. Option number 2 - She will decide that she wants to go out with you again in a few weeks, but only because she's bored, so you're her back-up plan, and her feelings will never REALLY change and she'll dump you again a few weeks/months later. The cycle will continue.

Or, there is option number 3. Option 3 - you feel the worst pain you've ever felt by having absolutely NO contact with her. It is torture. You have SO many urges. You cry all day. You are sick. You feel like you want to just collapse because you miss her so much, and are wondering about what she's doing. But... slowly... over time... you slowly get better. It takes time, and lots and lots of pain and so much effort, but you get there. Even if it takes a year, you will get there in the end.

Option 1 and 2 = pain for life. Option 3 = temporary pain, and the chance to move on and feel better.

What do you think?

As much as it hurts, you have power over how much and for how long you suffer.
Deal with the pain now, it gets less. You will get past this.

I don't know what to say because I still have no idea what's going on in my life. I lost the one thing I cared and loved. My parents are starting to get mad at me over this whole thing. I'm getting yelled at by my parents and there are lecturing me about stuff I didn't even do or have no idea what's going on.

Hey prowaker,

Listen. It seems to me that your head is spinning, you're really confused about what's going on, and you just don't know what to think right now.

You don't need to make ANY decisions now about what to do, or what is best. You just need to try your hardest to relax, or lie down, and take nice deep calming breaths and talk on here to me if you like. Your parents are probably fed up as they can see the pain you're wallowing in and they want you to try to move on, but don't worry about them right now. Try to clear your mind and calm down, and tell yourself that right now you have no decisions to make, you can deal with it all in a few days' time when your mind is clearer and you can think much more carefully about what to do. Perhaps it's all just got a bit much for you right now and what with them yelling at you as well it's making it all feel worse.

I can't relax, I can't sleep, I can't breather. I don't know what's wrong with me. I try not to worry about them but they come to me at the worst points when I'm feeling down and make it worse. There's so much stuff running through my mind and I have no one close to tell them to. Normally I would go to her but that's out of the question. Oh its got way out of control for me and its making it a lot worse when they come to me asking about her.

Lots of bad stuff going on huh!? That's life. Its not just losing a g/f, trust me its about not know what to do about the feelings you are going through.

You have none or very little experience with things that bring out intense feelings in you.

Young guys (and some old ones) have trouble knowing what to do about their own feelings, and its usually after several times, that they start to get a handle, and practice self control, and self discipline, and self awareness. In other words, the skills to deal with whatever life throws at you in a positive, productive, way, and its not just the girls this applies to but be patient, and be busy on your own behalf.

Its barely been a week if I count right. That barely time to bust a pimple.

i can't relax, i can't sleep, i can't breather. i dont know whats wrong with me. i try not to worry about them but they come to me at the worst points when im feeling down and make it worse. theres so much stuff running through my mind and i have no one close to tell them to. normally i would go to her but thats out of the question. oh its got way out of control for me and its making it a lot worse when they come to me asking about her.

Hi prowaker. I know this might sound quite drastic, but do you have any other girly friends who you know quite well (preferably ones who didn't know her very well) who you could talk to or just tell what's happened to? Also, again this might seem like a big step right now but do you know of any football training/rudgy clubs near you or some guys that go and play football in a group that you could just join in with? The whole idea of it probably sounds horrible, but the other day when I felt at my lowest my Mum made me go out to dinner with my Dad and Sister and it distracted me so much and brought me out of the misery I was in (if only for a few hours), and last night seeing my belly dancing friend helped because I got out of the house and somewhere where there was lots of people. Being alone is when all the feelings pour out and the tears come, and you feel like you want to die. Being around other (understanding) people can make things feel better, if only for a little bit.

Or, you could actually invite your Mum/Dad into your room and tell them honestly how you're feeling, and ask them for their advice. You might be surprised that they'd listen to you and tell you they'd been through similar things? These are just ideas, but again if you don't feel ready for all this yet you could just wait a few days until you feel a little clearer about things.

Also, are you having panic attacks? You say you can't breathe, are there moments when your heart beats really fast and you feel like you're losing control?

You I am talking to a few of my girl friends about this. They are all older than I as well. So they have been through the same stuff. Yah I'm going to the gym as well with my friends but it only distracts for a little bit. I've been trying to keep extremely busy, but all I can think about is her. I would invite my parents into my room and tell them, but I feel like I'm lying to them. This whole thing pretty much started about a comment my mom made to my girlfriend who then had a fit (but she was joking around). She told her mom the comment and that's why I can't talk or see her. I don't want to say the whole story because its way to long and I don't really know if its appropriate on here.

Yah that happens at night when I can't breather and I just freak out. Like it feels like my head is spinning and everything is coming to an end.

Hey, glad you're keeping yourself busy and trying to do things with friends and talk to other girl friends about it. I am the same (going to play table tennis tonight!) and have been revising all day. I keep thinking about him ALL the time too - I saw that he'd replied to a friend's comment on Facebook saying he was fine, getting on really well and exams were good (the friend doesn't know we've broken up) but it made me feel quite happy in a way as I'm glad he's not sitting there being miserable all day.. and it means he's taken his exams too which of course is really great. Cos at the end of the day I just want him to get on with things for now (before our big talk in 3 weeks) and keep busy.

Is there any way you can just tell your parents the truth? The absolute truth? Telling them might make you feel relieved and like a weight has been lifted, then there won't be that barrier there anymore either. That could help you to move on. Totally understand if you don't want to though!

That definitely sounds like a panic attack. I actually have experience of numerous anxiety disorders and have had panic attacks all my life, they are a real pain! Good thing is though that they DO pass - it will not last forever. If you find it's getting really bad and you can't sleep then CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can be really effective, and the relaxant drug Diazepam, but these are only last-resort type things to help you if it goes on and on in the long run. When it happens to me I get scared that I'm losing control and that I won't be able to cope with everything.. this is quite normal after a break-up I think, and like I said, after a period they do pass. Deep breaths and knowing what's happening to you and that it's normal may help to calm you down! : )

When we are alone with our thoughts its easy to be anxious, and apprehensive about things.

That usually when we over think, and over react, and a strategy for good sleep is needed.

Google, strategy for good sleep.

Its just all these thoughts come to my mind when I do try to sleep and I can't because they are the worst possible thoughts. Then I have no choice to wake up.

Prowaker, take a deep breath. Your digging way too deep into this relationship. It stinks to break up but you will survive. She isn't the only female on the face of this earth. We all have been thorugh this one time or so in our lifetime. If she found someone else so fast, would you really want her back. That would tell me something. When you worry about this 24/7 its just not healthy. It's not going to change things for now, worrying what she is doing or where she is at. Your like making things worse for yourself. WHen you move on, that's when things change. Honestly, reverse the roles, if you broke up with her, and she was trying to contact you and calling you and begging you, wouldn't you go the other way. People talk, I am sure she knows plenty you are hurting. She won't want someone like that. Get strong, Prowaker and move on, and then see what happens. If she moves on with someone else you have your answer.

Thanks for the encouragement

I know what you're going through here, and Ill try and cut down my response significantly and keep it brief. My girlfriend and I broke up on Wednesday, rather she broke up with me. It was devastating, for a day. You might think, just a day? Yeah, just a day. I learned a lot about myself from a previous relationship that ended awhile ago. I posted on here, absolutely devastated. I was a wreck, for a good two months. I worried about the same things you do, is she going to find somebody else, what's she doing, checking her Facebook, etc.

I know, it's hard man. My breakup only a few days ago, sucks. I was, wait... still in love with her. Honestly, it came as sort of a surprise. I knew something was wrong for a few days, she wouldn't confine to me... even though I asked her what was wrong. I just knew, it was coming. I prepared myself, although not all that well... I was just hoping it would be something simple. It wasn't. She told me she thought I wasn't right for her, that she still loved me... but couldn't be with me. She just wanted to be friends. Well, she asked me to breakfast a day later, to talk. Didn't go to well, she asked to be friends... I said No. It doesn't work man, it just doesn't.

I know your worried about other guys, but she has no commitment to you now... whatever she does on her own terms, is her responsibility. I know it's hard to hear that... I worried about the same thing with one of my ex's. I checked up on her, checking her Facebook, texting her. We all have done it, but you learn from it. Please, learn from my own heartbreak.

As much as you want to talk to her, your better off healing without talking to her. Its hard, I know... but muster everything you can to keep yourself busy. My breakup only a few days ago is not as hard, cause I learned... the hard way, but I learned what I need to do to heal. Don't get me wrong, I've had urges, even tonight... to text her and talk, or try. You just need to fight that urge, same with Facebook and all that other stuff. You set yourself back every time.

I wish you all the best, but learn from my own experiences that I can share here, and learn.

Sometimes really horrible things happen without any warning. I'm sorry, I know how hard this is but you need to keep yourself busy for now and let time pass. I know... it sounds awful and it is but it won't always be like that. Promise. One day at a time.

I know but I was not prepared at all for this. I try to keep myself busy and not look at her Facebook text or call. I know she's not mine anymore and she has no commitment to me, but you know, I still love her. I'm learning I am. I realize if I even wonder what she's doing and think the worst that's bad! I always come to the worst possibility that she might be fooling around with someone else tonight or something. But who cares. She can get around if she wants and ruin her rep/ her own self respect.

I talked to a lot of people who went through this kind of thing. They said that they did worry like I am and its normal. But its only going to bring more pain. I get it now. Like tonight I worried but I kept busy and got her off my mind until now, that's why I'm on here. To read all this encouragement. If she wanted me she would have messaged me or something. I realized I have always been there for her and came back like a little puppy. I'm not going to do that this time. If she wants me back she can come crawling, even then I don't know if I would take her back, she would just put me through this pain again.

Just keep a positive outlook man. I am going through the same emotions you are right now, it's only been a few days for me as well. I know how your feelings. I sometimes wonder what she's doing, but it's no good for either of us. They are human beings, and will go out and do things... just like you will.

Just remember, if things are meant to be... they are meant to be and will work themselves out, everything does happen for a reason. I do believe that. I wasn't prepared, well... you can't really prepare yourself to lose somebody you love. Its hard, it really is. I have had my thoughts about her today, while I was driving in the quiet around town... or laying in bed. Its going to happen, it's what you do about it that matters. There is nothing wrong with remembering the good times, and to realize there is people to love in this world, and how people can make you smile. Its another thing to react, and call them, text them, drive by their place.

Everyone goes through this, it's a part of life. You can worry all you want, but it won't get you anywhere man. If you need to vent, come here... people will read, and listen. Trust me, as someone who has dealt with heartbreak quite a bit in the past year. Just, forgive them. I don't resent my ex, I don't hate her... but realize you need to give them their space too. If she REALLY does LOVE YOU... she will come back, and things will work themselves out. But, I repeat... DONT, Don't wait for her.

I wish you all the best man, just remember when you get down about this... even though you don't know me, will never meet me, know I am going through the same feelings you are... and you're not alone.

I come on here and vent, but I feel that I vent too much and people are just getting tired about this.

I know it's a part of life but I don't like it one bit. I'm not waiting for her trust me I'm trying to live my life. I started to get upset earlier tonight and I was like why? There's no point. I can get through this and I know she's probably doing this to me because she knows ill get upset.

Yah I wish I could meet some of the people on here and talk in person. Everyone seems like they know what they are doing. And that's what I realize I'm not alone. Most of the people o know have gone through something similar.

Who cares, if people didn't want to read what you wrote. They won't. You can vent here as much as you want. Its what this place is for.

Post here, and not call her. Or a private journal, and then burn it or delete it.

(Please do NOT try to burn your PC, if that's where you have your personal journal) :eek:

Unfortunately, I wanted to talk to her to see what was going through her head. So I started a conversation with her. I wanted to know if it was really her or her parents that don't want us together. She said it was her. Even though we tried fixing this about a month prior to this, she didn't let the time it needed to get healed. I'm guessing she used her parents as an excuse to actually end it with me. That's just a brief update.

So are you ready to leave this alone again?
You can't keep trying until you get the answers you want. That is not going to happen.
Leave her alone. NC!

No I'm not ready to leave this alone I cant. I'm sorry I'm weak.

Well I suppose when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, or she says or does something to really hurt your feelings then you'll get a clue.

I have replied to your message prowaker. Read what I said carefully, remember that you are not weak and you have done really well by dealing with all these difficult emotions so far, and when the time is right for you, you will make your own decision about your own happiness and find the strength to come through it. I am also really glad that you managed to have a decent sleep last night; it shows you are improving and getting better. Good luck

Yeah, My ex used and number of things on me, like she didn't like my parents and she didn't want to be a part of my family, i.e being married to me, than several other reasons too. Girls do that I guess!
And its normal to want answers, I tried to get answers off her the other day, big mistake and still never got a clear cut reason as to why we broke up!
Just NC is the way forward. You will get a lot more respect for yourself if you become stronger now. After I phoned her I delete her number from eerywhere and off Facebook or wherever. It's hard at first, but you get past it and just get on with your life.

So my mom just told me that she emailed her mom about stuff. Oh mann this is isn't going to go over well..

Threads merged


So this is kind of an update to my last question where my girlfriend broke up with me when it was almost 4 years.
I have gone no contact with her for a while. There was a few times where I did call/text but never got an answer. Its been almost a month since the break up. Last night I was out with some friends and not in the right state of mind I texted her. I didn't know I did until the morning and I don't know what I said. We started talking asking how we were doing and if we will ever be friends. Then out of the blue she tells me about this guy she has been hanging around with. *before I get into more detail I want to say that this guy, while we were dating at least a year ago, interfered with our relationship. He would always be calling her and texting her. So I got fed up and mad and put an end to that and she never talked to him since.* now, back to the original story. So she tells me she has been hanging out with this guy and they went on dates you could say. I didn't ask details. But I did ask like if she liked him or anything and she said she doesn't know and she told me she clearly told him that she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. I believe her only because we have dated a long time and I have no reason not to trust her. I don't have a problem with her seeing other guys, it's the fact that it has only been almost a month since the break up and she's seeing this guy.

So my question is, was I being cheated on while our relationship was coming to an end or is she just rebounding / trying to make me jealous.

so my question is, was i being cheated on while our relationship was coming to an end or is she just rebounding / trying to make me jealous.
Does it really matter? You're not together anymore. She's with another guy. You're history as far as she's concerned. Do NC and move on. Avoid all this drama, and get emotionally healthy.

This is why NC is good! Once you break it, you start wondering, worrying, all those bad feelings. Just continue NC, don't worry of what she's been doing. Just think of this as a lesson learned when breaking NC.

Aw here we go, back to the wondering what she is doing, what she means, why this, why that, and all over breaking NC, because you got drunk.

None of that matters because how can we know why she is doing her thing and you trying to get back in it.

Learn the lessons of NC, and get back to it. Leave the phone at home when you are drinking, whatever it takes because that was a perfect waste of a good drunk.

She is getting on with her life as you should be getting on with yours.
Stop texting her.

The thing is I haven't been like texting her excessively or anything the only one I did send was goodluck on her exams last week that was it. Then a few nights ago when I was drunk I don't even know why I did I've been going out every weekend since we broke up getting drunk and meeting girls I don't know why I did this particular night.

I don't know why I care that's she's with this guy. I just do deep down and it bugs me. But yah back to NC. I've been having a lot of fun being single and going out, no worries in the world.

I think I'm just jealous that she is "seeing" someone already and I've been going out trying to meet girls and its taking longer than her.

the thing is i havent been like texting her excessively or anything the only one i did send was goodluck on her exams last week that was it. then a few nights ago when i was drunk i dont even know why i did ive been going out every weekend since we broke up getting drunk and meeting girls i dont know why i did this particular night.

i dont know why i care thats shes with this guy. i just do deep down and it bugs me. but yah back to NC. ive been having a lot of fun being single and going out, no worries in the world.

i think im just jealous that she is "seeing" someone already and ive been going out trying to meet girls and its taking longer than her.
Don't you get it? NO contact, NO texting, NO thinking about her. NO jealousy. She does NOT care about you.

And you wonder why it's taking you longer than it is for her??

You might want to lay off the booze if it make you do things you'll regret the next day. It does not help you forget, it just makes you do stupid stuff.

Wondergirl,
I did go no contact except for the text I sent her on her exams, it was friendly. All I said was good luck hope you do well. How do you not think of someone when its almost been 4 years together. How do you not be jealous.. if you have a good answer for that I will do whatever! Because she's on my mind a lot!

Home girl,
I love the booze. So far I haven't done anything I wanted to regret except that text a few nights ago. Going out with my buds to bars, even if I don't drink, makes me forget about her. Because I'm having a good time!

You're missing the point, and I'm not trying to be rude. I only got the idea 6 days ago about what NO CONTACT means, entirely. Yes. It sucks thinking your ex might be with someone else, but now that's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

It doesn't matter if you wish her luck, leave her alone and move on. I know, ITS HARD... don't ever think you won't think about her, and the good times you had together... it's what you do with those thoughts that matter.

Don't text her, call her, email her... take advice from someone going through the same thing, and who only got the real idea of NC about a week ago. I feel stronger everyday

I know its none of business and it shouldn't be but its hard not to think about. Its just weird picturing her with another guy.

But 4 years created so many good times that's the hard part. No matter what I'm doing its like we used to do it together. Or a certain place we used to go.

I'm stopping everything I deleted her number, don't have her on Facebook.

Well, good. I know what you mean, certain things/places remind me of her too. It's just, what you have to deal with. Ill be having a great time at work and a memory of us snuggling watching a movie, or holding hands at the mall... nothing even substantial will pop into my head. It's bothersome, to a degree but it was just a time I was really happy.

She's not exclusive to you anymore, what she does... is her business. It doesn't bother me at all, thinking about my ex with someone else... cause one day, Ill have someone else.

Leave her alone from now on, ball is in her court if she wants anything. Thing is, she may never touch that ball ever again. Sorry man.

I work all the time try to keep busy every time I'm not working! Its just weird and like you said things pop up into my head.

I know I'm not exclusive to her anymore I get that. I'm nothing to her. It bothers me because she was I could say my first true love. I dated before her but nothing serious like we were. And I was her first for EVERYTHING and I don't get how she's moving on so fast. And one day I'm hoping to have someone as well.

Yah I'm not going to try and get the ball. Ill wait until its served and if its never touched oh well. She's the one losing, to be honest.

Yeah, things will pop into your head all the time. It's what you do with those thoughts, and don't act on instinct. One of my ex's was my first true love as well, she had someone TWO WEEKS after breaking up with me. I'm over her, I don't care about her anymore. It's just, time will heal all wounds buddy.

Trust me on that one, I'm dealing with another breakup now... and know time will heal all wounds.

Yah I know time heals everything. I was actually doing pretty good until I sent that text a few nights ago and then when we talked for a bit and she told me about this guy. I thought I was through the tough part but now it just got worse, knowing about this other guy.

Just out of curiosity how long were your relationships?

it just got worse, knowing about this other guy.
It just got worse because you ripped the scab off the wound, and now it's bleeding again. You're back to square one.

There's an addition onto that saying. Back when the rocks were still cooling, we used to knowingly pass it on to someone in your boat --

"Time heals all wounds, and Time also wounds all heels."

Here is my story prowalker, learn from my mistakes too:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/good-bad-idea-452762.html

yah i know time heals everything. i was actually doing pretty good until i sent that text a few nights ago and then when we talked for a bit and she told me about this guy. i thought i was through the tough part but now it just got worse, knowing about this other guy.

just out of curiosity how long were your relationships?



Dude that's why you don't talk to her, you didn't need to know about that... its not serving any purpose but causing you to think more and rack your brain... I am going through a similar situation as you... and you know what, ask yourself HONESTLY, why would you want to know what she's doing and why do you want to be friends with her for?

I understand you've known her for a very long time, my ex I knew for 8 years and we were together FOUR times (yes to anyone who may remember my last thread it was attempted AGAIN, against all my best judgement)... but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how long you've known her and if you guys weren't friends before you were just a relationship from the get go, what makes you think you can be friends? Not only that but as I said, what's the point? Your just going to cause problems in your head by doing that, you need to cut her out of your life completely... she blocked you? So block her on facebook/msn/e-mail... delete her number and any texts you have from her, any pictures, get rid of it...

A painful lesson I've learned is that when people here say NC is the only way, it really IS the ONLY way to get through it properly... It hurts like crazy, especially when its still raw within the first week or so... you said something about you being fine before you sent a text the other night... I made the same mistake... I went days without any contact and caved one day and felt even worse for sending one, now I'm back on track trying to stick to NC because I know inside it works just like it did for almost 3 years for me with her but then I broke it last year... before that I didn't even think about her and it was a nonissue


But you... basically, NC, stick to it, don't talk to her in any way, TRY not to think about her (I know its very hard, this is coming from someone who suffers from OCD, but its important), don't think about anything to do with her... work, exercise, go for hikes, play games, watch a movie... just listen to some music or go for a nice cruise if you have a car... hang with friends and talk to people... anything to keep your mind off it, as with anything it will get easier


If you want to talk or anything I will listen as I'm going through the same thing so its nice to talk to someone in the same boat

The last post says it all.

On top of that though, if you really did love this girl and you believed she loved you... don't be resentful or spiteful about the break up, you can love someone and they can love you inside but not be IN LOVE... if things won't work out they just won't work out... take it from someone who tried FOUR times with the same person, if something doesn't work out the 1st time, 9/10 chances it won't work out the second time... and 100% I can say it Definitely won't work out any more times... this is why its useless to hang on, because your just hanging on to a memory of when you first met and how things USED TO BE as opposed to focusing on now and how things ARE, sure... keep that memory, but don't dwell on it, and definitely don't keep yourself in love with the past

As someone in my life, who is important to me always says "If its meant to be, it's meant to be"

Wow BWK10. Its like the same thing except the kid and moving in. I really don't know what to say.

MYBrain, honestly I was IN love with this girl. I can't explain how strong my feelings were for her. The way we looked at each other, the way we held each other... etc. I really don't know why I want to be friends I guess because of the fact it has been 4 years and we've been through so much together and the fact we put a lot of our time / effort into building such a strong relationship. Your right though I'm focusing on the past, instead of working on the present. I just can't see not being friends with someone you had such a great past with. Every break up ends "oh we can still be friends" well I wanted that. But I guess in the long run bad idea?

So I woke up this morning looked at my phone and of course she texted me "hey hope you had a good weekend, have a good week at work." now I talked to my buddy about this because he went through something similar. And I didn't have access to a computer to ask you guys this morning. And I wasn't going to answer, but I thought maybe something was wrong, she never started a conversation with me since we broke up. Now my friend said say this "hey nice to hear from you, yah i had a good weekend. thanks" come to think about it I shouldn't of even sent that text because obviously didn't get an answer back. She was probably looking for info on what I did.

wow BWK10. its like the exact same thing except the kid and moving in. i really dont know what to say.

MYBrain, honestly i was IN love with this girl. i can't explain how strong my feelings were for her. the way we looked at each other, the way we held each other...etc. i really dont know why i want to be friends i guess because of the fact it has been 4 years and weve been through so much together and the fact we put a lot of our time / effort into building such a strong relationship. your right though im focusing on the past, instead of working on the present. i just can't see not being friends with someone you had such a great past with. every break up ends "oh we can still be friends" well i wanted that. but i guess in the long run bad idea?!

so i woke up this morning looked at my phone and of course she texted me "hey hope you had a good weekend, have a good week at work." now i talked to my buddy about this because he went through something similar. and i didnt have access to a computer to ask you guys this morning. and i wasnt going to answer, but i thought maybe something was wrong, she never started a conversation with me since we broke up. now my friend said say this "hey nice to hear from you, yah i had a good weekend. thanks" come to think about it i shouldnt of even sent that text because obviously didnt get an answer back. she was probably looking for info on what i did.



Basically, she was prodding, ignore it... and YES it's a bad idea, you cannot be friends with her, not with an emotional history with her like that, no way is that a smart idea... you need her out of your life completely, if you cell phone carrier allows it put a block on her number so you won't receive texts from her... texting is the most invasive form of contact... and this sounds hard but, depending on which phone you have, if you see you get a message from her, delete it... don't read it, after you delete it you'll probably think it over and wonder what it said and maybe regret not looking, but realistically, whatever text you get from her is just a can of worms you don't want to open because it will get you thinking deeper about things and you will be compelled to reply, it's a vicious circle, don't get caught in it

OK. Sounds good I deleted her number last night before I got that text and this morning when I did get it I was like who is this, then I looked at the number and was like ohh its her. What confuses me the most is that she has this other guy to talk to and yet she chooses to send me a message like that. And like I said before she never started a conversation with me since we broke up. So it caught me off guard. And that's the only reason I responded. I told my friend that I know I shouldn't respond and he said I shouldn't either but, again, like I said I thought maybe something was wrong.

she has this other guy to talk to and yet she chooses to send me a message like that.
Stop being so easy! All she wants to do is pull your chain.

What's it matter if something is wrong? You're not her backbone anymore.

But who cares if something is wrong? She is not your responsibility anymore, as harsh as that sounds, let this other guy worry about it, let her friends and family worry about it... it isn't your concern.

Wondergirl, that's exactly what my friend said.

Mybrain, I don't know. Because I'm a caring guy?

Dude, you sound like a good guy and have a lot to offer someone, and one day you'll find her. I know you think THIS GIRL is the one, but she isn't or it would have worked the first time. I'm sorry your going through this, trust me. I wish nothing but the best for my ex, she has a brain tumor and will probably pass away in the next ten years. I wish I could be there for her, but she made her choice.

You're not the one for her, and I know you care... but it's time to let go man. I'm going through the same thing, we're on the same recovery journey. I'll be on here, everyday so I can help you through this the best I can and so will everyone else on here.

You're not her rock anymore, don't concern yourself with her. You need to take care of yourself before you worry about her anymore, because you come before her, and you're clearly still hurt by this. You have to heal yourself.

I realize you're a caring guy, as am I... but you need to stop doing this to yourself, and I need to take my own advice as well... All it does is cause you more pain and strain on your mind than its worth.. and when you really get to thinking about if its worth it, the answer is most definitely no, no its not...

Was she thinking about your feelings and how you would react when she broke up with you the night after prom? Was she concerned with if you were having a problem or if anything was wrong with you when she ignored you? She needs to learn the lesson of "treat people how you wish to be treated"


By the way. BWK check your pm's

I did check my PM's, I added you.

This is short. I just got off work 12 am my time and got to get up at 6 for my other job.

Honestly, I think I'm the most caring person ever. Like I would do anything to make a girl happy. I respect them, I like to please them. I never push my limits with them I don't try anything. I'm not some nerd or anything but I'm very respectful person unless you tick me off. Which she did. I just get caught up in things very fast and easily. And when I sent her that drunk text and when we talked for a bit the next day and told me about this guy. I lost it. I just thought the worst and stuff. I'm letting go. I had enough.

As well you should. There are better things to do, and worry about, than someone else's business.

OK so worst night ever last night!

I went out with my friends and guess who I see? Well it was all right. We ignored each other the entire time. Until 1 second we made eye contact and of course she grabs a guy and they start making out! I was holing it in until my last straw. So I went over broke it up and almost knocked the guy out. But I didn't only because I knew him. After that happened all I wanted to do is fight so I left.

Why did she do that. It feels like my heart has just been ripped out!

why did she do that. it feels like my heart has just been ripped out!
She did it in hopes you would behave exactly as you did. Now she is smiling, smiling, smiling. She knows you still love her and can be affected by her actions. She doesn't want you back, but she wants to know she's still in control.

She did as she did to make you jealous, she's playing a dirty game, if this happens again, ignore her turn your back to her and engage in some conversation with someone else, don't play her game, act like you don't care, shell soon get fed up with treating you badly, if you ignore her enough times, but whilst you play into her hands and react like you do she is loving it.

Serious get real, dump her from your life. She's not worth it...

I am dumping her from my life I went out to have a good night not to see her making out with some other guy. I wasn't going to go up. But I couldn't help myself something inside of me was like GRRR. Its hard to explain. I tried turning my back but like I said something inside of me I never felt that feeling before. Honestly, how could I of just stood there and watched, I know she's playing little mind games, but it hurt me. I got home and blocked her on Facebook, deleted her number and called my phone provider and blocked her number. I had enough of this BS. I know she's known of my business but to do something like that in front of me is a LOW BLOW!

You said you did all of that last week.

Only you can stop her doing this to you...

We can advise you but you've got to make it happen...

I couldn't block her on Facebook because she had me blocked, but then I noticed I wasn't anymore last night that's when I did it.
And I had her number deleted but I didn't call my phone provider...

Just a question for the girls out there.
Did you ever do such a thing to your ex after 4 years and just a month of being apart? I'm just curious because she is being so immature!

You had no right to do what you did, it was totally stupid.
You said yourself you two ignored each other the whole evening, so how do you know she was looking at you before she kissed her guy?
I think you let your temper get the best of you. You are not over this girl but you need to do something about your temper.
You were drunk when you text her, were you also drunk when you approached her and her date?
You need to get yourself togeher man. This girl is no longer yours.

Because we made eye contact and knew I was watching.
No I wasn't drunk when I approached her. It was not her date, he was my friend as well as hers.

Well it was still a dumb thing to do and childish on her part as well.
You are not over her yet that's for sure.

What would you of done if you saw your ex of a long relationship hooking up with another guy. And your by yourself. I didn't know what to do, I thought it was right at the time.
I know I'm not completely over her, I'm not going to lie. I don't love her that's for sure but I still do care about her.

I would have walked away. I may have been hurting but I would not have given that person the satisfaction of knowing I was hurt.

What about what you did do you think was right? What did you think it would have proved?

You could have left, but you didn't. That's what I would have done if I couldn't IGNORE her.

But what will you do now, is the real question.

I tried ignoring but, I couldn't. I left after I broke it up. I realize it now I gave her the satisfaction she wanted. And I'm hating myself for doing so. I just thought it was right to break it up, I was feeling so much pain go through my body witnessing it. I think I proved to her that I still care about her, which obviously is what she wanted.

Right now I'm going to ignore everything. She's blocked on my Facebook so even if she does something I can't see it. She is blocked on my phone so can't get a hold of me. And I'm just going to keep going out meeting other people.

Prowaker, sorry but if my ex boyfriend behaved the way you did and went after the guy I wouldn't have anything to do with you at all, anymore. What did you get out of it? You were being childish, and abusive to someone else. I don't care who it was. She was right to block you on the phone, I would have done the same thing. But the difference between that, I would never stoop down to anyone to that level. IT's call pride and respect. You lost all your chances now, sorry but that's the truth. That behavior is ridicuolous!

i tried ignoring but, i couldnt. i left after i broke it up. i realize it now i gave her the satisfaction she wanted. and im hating myself for doing so. i just thought it was right to break it up, i was feeling so much pain go through my body witnessing it. i think i proved to her that i still care about her, which obviously is what she wanted.

right now im going to ignore everything. shes blocked on my facebook so even if she does something i can't see it. she is blocked on my phone so can't get a hold of me. and im just going to keep going out meeting other people.
Keep away from any contact with her, don't ask anybody about her, if someone wants to talk to you about her say "sorry I don't want to hear it"
Keep ignoring and meeting other people you will be fine, just don't jump into another relationship.

I'm sorry. I never had such a thing happen to me before, I didn't know what to do! I've been treating this girl so well for our whole relationship and for me to see something like that threw me off all right. I would never be abusive to her! Id never hit a girl. And I didn't hit him! All I did was break it up and talked to the guy afterwards. I got nothing out of it, just this huilt in my stomach knowing I did something wrong. I blocked her on the phone. What do you mean stoop down? Chances of what getting back together? Because I didn't want to any ways I just wanted to stay friends.

Have to spread the rep homegirl and talaniman.

I agree you should have left or ignored it, you only served to make yourself look foolish and no doubt your ex was feeling proud of her so say achievement.

Back off and if it happens again, leave...

Whilst you bite she is going to push your buttons, she's being childish and so are you by allowing her to take away your power.

Walk Tall and Proud don't succumb to her silly school girl antics...

Sorry prowaker, I don't mean to be hard on you, but your going about this all the wrong way. After you break-up its hard to be friends with someone when you were a couple together. You haven't even gave her any space to even miss you. Calling her and just being places where she is, doesn't help you. I am not saying stop your life an avoid her, but do you honesty think she will think much of you, when you behaved like that. Maybe it was the first time you lost it, but where did it get you. You let her win! That you still care, and that's what she wants. Show you don't care, don't text her, don't call her and actually stay away places she goes too. You have to take the bull by its horns. No one knows the future, but you hurting and chasing after her will push her away comletely. Think about it, if she did that to you how would you feel?

Yah thank you. I just don't know what's going on in my head. I never been through something like this and its an instinct to want to talk to her and be friends. I have been a complete mess since this happened and haven't been normal since.
I don't care what she thinks anymore this whole thing has been a trip to hell and I'm not even back yet. It feels like there's been a knife put into my back and someone is twisting it. I'm taking the bull by the horns but it throws me off.

What defines a persons true character, is how they deal with their mistakes, as we humans are bound to make them.
Acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on from it.

Next time you will do better. Go ahead, ask me how I know. I have made more than a few mistakes in my life, and honestly some where real stinkers.

But when life knocks you down, you get back up, and keep going.

Talaniman Rule-Never wallow in your own sh1t!

I am really doubting relationships now. Like you think you've found someone you want to be with unconditionally and they just tear you apart. Besides the whole dating thing her and I were best friends. I trusted her, I could be myself around her, I could tell her anything. I just don't really understand how someone could throw that away as easily as she's doing.

Trust me I'm learning. It's the pulling myself back up part that's hard..

Just because you feel an attachment to a person, it does not mean that person will always feel the same thing. You two were not on the same page.

You will find love again.

Update:


Haven't been on here in a while and wanted to update everyone.

So I didn't talk to her since this incident at the club. She tried a few days after it happened I didn't answer her phone calls, she called using friends numbers, anyway we started talking about what happened and we got into a heated argument and I called her names I never though I would have. After that we didn't talk its been 2 weeks? Anyway 2 days ago she texted me again asking if I hated her and thought she was what I called her.

I wasn't going to reply but I gave in unfortunately. So we talked that entire night about stuff and she apologized for what she did and I apologized for what I said. Then last night we talked on the phone for a good 2 3 hours. I'm completely over her as girlfriend / boyfriend perspective but I'm not ready to let go of her as a friend if she's willing to be friends with me. I still care for her (not as girlfriend but as a friend).

I know I shouldn't be talking to her period but she's not being a bi*** anymore towards me and we can actually have a decent conversation when we do have one. We talked about why we broke up and stuff and how we will like 99.999% not be going out again which I was fine with snd we agreed.

But if we do start talking more frequently and maybe even hanging out once and while I'm scared of 2 things; if we start seeing other people it will be hard for either one of us won't it. And secondly, I might start to get feelings for her or something. I know everyone is going to say go back to NC but can we pretend that's not an option.

I'd go back NC.

Yep, don't even think about being friends its only going to keep the feelings bubbling at the surface.

Go back to NC and let her go, you cannot be friends when you clearly still have feelings about her.

I'm quickly learning that NC is without a doubt the single most effective way of getting over someone... supplemented with new activities, friends and family...

Its only been less that 2 months, and you still are only doing things that don't help the healing process and you wouldn't even have to worry about the things you fear most after a proper healing,

but if we do start talking more frequently and maybe even hanging out once and while I'm scared of 2 things; if we start seeing other people it will be hard for either one of us won't it. And secondly, I might start to get feelings for her or something.
Because you won't care what she is doing. That is the goal isn't it? Then maybe you can be friends and maybe good ones. You just don't want to wait and see, or be honest about it. Your fears are real, and happens often when people try to force a friendship, they are not ready for or willing to work for.

I have no doubt when she starts to see others, or doesn't have time for you, you will be as devastated as when she dumped you. You have apologized to each other, now let go of the speculations, so you can heal properly.

With all of these fears you have it is obvious that you are not over her.
You two have now cleared the air, said what you need to say, now it's time to leave each other alone so you can heal and move on.

You need to let the wounds heal before you can even think about being friends. Doing so before this happens will just make both of you miserable. If you really care about yourself, and her for that matter, you need to give time a chance to work. If you don't, the "club incident" will keep repeating.

But why would she text me in the first place? Like I wasn't even thinking about messaging her. And she called me the night we talked for hours.

Because your in the friend zone and thinks that's what's going on and not your heart being trampled on.

You have allowed this to happen with no regard for being honest with yourself, or her. I understand all the feelings in so short of a time span. They can be overwhelming, and confusing, as well as misleading. But understand its you who have allowed her to do this and that's the question you honestly have to answer.

Why are you not allowing yourself to heal?

Why are you still worried about why she does what she does, and not ask that question of yourself??

What's your agenda? What's more important to you?

Id rather be in the friends zone than nothing...

I believe I was healed.. I don't care what she does and or am worried what she does!

I'm just confused on her actions, like she was a total bi*** to me and then she starts texting me when I was done with her.

You're lying to yourself.
Go back and read what you wrote today.
Regardless of why she is texting you, you need to not be in contact with her.
Now if you want to let her trample on your heart again, go ahead. If you are thinking maybe she likes me and I might have a chance, go ahead, but don't lie to yourself.

id rather be in the friends zone than nothing...

i believe i was healed..i dont care what she does and or am worried what she does!

im just confused on her actions, like she was a total bi*** to me and then she starts texting me when i was done with her.

And these facts are not enough to make you ignore her and do for yourself, and stop accepting the crumbs of her company?? You sir are still in deep denial and haven't been hurt enough to be ready to do what it takes for you to recover from this.

Be warned that this course of action will continue to hurt, and hurt even more as time goes by.

Like most junkies who don't want to let go when they should, you have not reached your emotional rock bottom, and just want more of the same pain your addiction to her is giving you.

In that case, as with any junkie, let us know when your sick and tired, of being sick, and tired, so for now call her, and get your fix for today, and every day after that!! Your right, for a junkie, a litle dope is better than none.

I didn't call her today actually, I didn't even think about talking her. That's the thing.

I was wondering why she is texting and calling me that's where I'm confused! I'm not a junkie and I know your just telling me straight up. I have been hurt enough by this trust me I don't want to go through it again for weeks I didn't eat or sleep. I was deeply depressed.

Homegirl.
I know for a fact she doesn't like me, I will not be getting back together with her even if she begged. All I was wondering is why she would even be breaking the no contact with me 3 days ago. I wanted someone's opinion.

Have you ever asked her? Call her right now and get it from the horses mouth. Why not, why wait for her to do it again? Then we can put that to bed, and none of us has to assume the why's again. Nobody but her knows any way.

i didn't call her today actually, i didn't even think about talking her. that's the thing.

i was wondering why she is texting and calling me that's where im confused! im not a junkie and i know your just telling me straight up. i have been hurt enough by this trust me i dont want to go through it again for weeks i didn't eat or sleep. i was deeply depressed.

homegirl.
i know for a fact she doesn't like me, i will not be getting back together with her even if she begged. all i was wondering is why she would even be breaking the no contact with me 3 days ago. i wanted someones opinion.
Then you need to ask her why she is doing it and then tell her to stop. Tell her you don't care to hear from her again. If she text, delete it without reading it. If she calls don't answer. You are the one in control.

OK I will do next time she tries to talk to me. I'm not going to start it.

Good man!
Don't let her play games with you.

I read the whole article about this. I have to say you are working really well and healing. You are in the right step and I'm very proud of you. Don't answer and ignore all message.

Hey everyone,

I haven't been on here in a long time! I've been living my life to fullest. Been having a blast. Since my last post I've had NO CONTACT with the ex or anything.

I started seeing another girl a few weeks ago, but that's going down hill. Ill tell the story, so I met her online. She was pretty nice and we met up a few times. We talked a lot texted and called. We were getting close. I was starting to get feelings for her and she was for me. We are both not into the dating scene right now which is totally understandable. Anyway, we were talking all the time and stuff. Then all of a sudden, this weekend she's been blowing me off. I was friends with her sister as well and they are tight so they talked all the time. So her sister texted me saying her phone is messes and that's why she hasn't been replying but that's bull because there's Facebook, msn like 100s of ways to communicate. And I sent her a message no reply on anything. So her sister said we were getting to close, which makes no sense to me. But whatever they come and they go right.

The problem about this girl I was actually starting to dig her and enjoyed spending time with her. She is much better than my ex! Like by far. Much nicer and appreciative.

I'm backing off going to go NC with her and see what happens.

Back to the ex. This Friday that just passed. It was about 1 in the morning and I got a call from her house the only reason I knew it was from there was because of caller id. I only answered because of 1 reason I was like what's going on. But apparently she hasn't matured one bit it was one of her little boyfriends trying to prank call me. I was like nice try *** hole I have caller id. F off I'm not putting up with this and hung up :)

Ps: not sure if I was supposed to start a new thread or continue this one.

Time does help

Glad your doing so well, and next time don't answer the exes calls and be done with it.

As to the new girl, she wasn't ready, so move to the next, if you want to, but watch the getting close to soon as a few weeks is to soon.

Remember -to much, to fast, crash, and burn.

You can stay on this thread, and update it whenever you please, and we may have to change the name, but its yours to come back to.

I think that's what it was too much to fast. Its just I was missing something you know. I opened up to her she opened up to me thought everything was well. But I don't understand because we both Didn't want a relationship. I don't know if she was just playing games with me or not but she was telling me she was missing me. She lived about 45 min away so we didn't see each other a lot she was also saying she liked me and stuff.

Oh well I'm just going to use what I learned a few months ago not text or call her or anything and see what happens.
Honestly, I'm a little upset only because I thought I was done with all this crap with girls I don't like getting played or getting caught up in mind games. And like I said I was starting to dig her we clicked.