Ok so... in canada you can date somebody much older then you when you are 14.You can't have sex though.At 16 sex is legal then. We have been talking and texting for awhile.His dad is friends with my dad and so on.He asked if I would be comfortable dating him.. I said "idk" because I'm not sure what society would say.Im pretty level headed at my age(I know lots of people are going to be like,"no you just think you are") I have been through stuff probably most adults haven't. Im just asking what society thinks.

I would say that if a 19 year old wants to date a 14 year is close to a pediphile in my book. They would have nothing in common. And I doubt someone old enough to be in college would want to go to a JR high dance

While its not illegal to date, One has to wonder what a 19 yr old would see in a 14 yr old. This is very suspicious and I would stay away from dating him.

I think that is definitely not right, sorry.

I would question this MANS interested in a GIRL. However, if he is a GOOD person, and is respectfull enough to wait to pursue this relationship farther than some hand holding and spending time together going to the theater, than fine.

But again, back to the 'what if' he is still young, and in his sexual prime. You are 14, and just entering puberty which enflames the passions and desires of a young girls body. WHAT IF you are sitting on the coutch watching a movie innocently, but he (or you) kiss the other. Innocent enough. But then it continues. And you keep kissing. And then it continues, and so on and so fourth. Then he has broken the law. And if caught/convicted may be away from you in jail for a large amount of time.

Think about it hon. Look at it from all possible aspects. I'm glad you admire this man, and I am glad he SEEMs to respect you very much. But if you both care about each other enough, then WAIT. Its not like either of you are going anywhere.

Im just asking what society thinks.

The majority of society would think it's wrong , a 14 year old girl is miles away from a 19 year old boy in so many facets. Also a 19 year old boy who wants to date a 14 year old girl just isn't right.

Enjoy your younger teen years without all the emotional turmoil dating brings with it , because you won't get them back.

If you were 19 and he was 25 then that seems a lot more reasonable.

It seems in your post you know what is legal and not legal.

What does your parents think of this, if they know?

Dating a 19 year old his going to ask a lot from you. Your only 14 don't know the world yet, heck you just got out from jr high and going to HS you don't know how the world is at this moment. Enjoy your youth cause you can't have it back. Date people your age, cause they think like you, and act like you.
Like what they said, His on his sexual drive right now, that means he would want to have sex in any way possible.

I have been through stuff probally most adults havent.
Such as?

There is a very distinct difference between a 19 year old man, and a 14 year old girl.

Emotionally, physically, psychologically, sexually, biologically, morally, and emotionally.

I am more inclined to ask why he doesn't date people his own age- what's wrong with him that he needs to seek out a young teenager. Seriously, why does he not have girlfriend his own age. I would be asking the obvious- why you.

Think about the obvious. What would your friends and family think- have you asked them? When you want to hang out with your friends and go to a movie, would he fit in, or would a reasonable assumption be that he's your big brother, or chaperone? All your friends are on bicycles, and he drives a car. How would you feel with him not fitting in with your friends, and you having to give them up and then you'd find yourself hanging out with other 19 year olds, friends of his?

What do 19 year olds do? They drink, they party, they are sexually active, they go to college, many are home for the summer and live on their own most of the year at school, etc. How would you feel being such a fish out of water with friends of his being his age, or older, and far more mature?

If you are together you risk your relationship being the subject of questions. Does he fall within the criminal code for being sexually active with you? Is there an imbalance of power here, him over you? I'm not saying you are going to be sexually active, but head's will turn, and people will raise eyebrows.

You also have 2 years to go before it is 'legal' for you to have sex with someone. Are you going to be happy at arm's length for that time? Is it possible, or probable, that during that time he makes moves on you? How will you behave at a party when even the suggestion or impression of intimacy between the two of you could land him in jail. It is not just sex, it is sexual contact. Kissing is sexual contact in my book. On the lips- as in a lip lock. Necking, fondling, etc. also falls into that category.

Please don't throw away your youth. Think about how this will affect your social life, your prom, activities in school. So many things that you cannot turn back the clock on and re-live what you will eventually realize you have lost forever.

I am impressed that you are thinking about this seriously, because seriously, it is not a good thing for you, and I believe you will live to regret it.

I think so society thinks, that you should ask your parents. They are the law in your world.

As a dad, I would probably tell his dad to keep his 19 year old son away from my 14 year old daughter, if he wanted a 20 year old son!

I'm sorry, but when I was 19 I was not interested in "dating" a 14 year old. That's 7 years away from getting into a nightclub here. Not to mention, it's just wrong.

Something is not right with this guy. He is either preying on you, or he is very immature.

This is what you were looking for, our opinions, right? Now what are you going to do?

Is it too late? You say that you have been in correspondence with this guy for "a while".

Use that "level head", and go find someone closer to your own age.

Good luck.

:eek:

There is something wrong with a 19 year old boy who pursues a 14 year old girl. That is just wrong on a lot of levels.
I'd like to know if your parents know this young man is looking at you.

I'm sure you are feeling pretty flattered by this, but this boy is either off in the head or is sniffing fresh young meat. Either way, you need to steer clear.

The question is not can you date him but should you and the answer is NO!

I am not trying to start any arguments here, but I think a lot of the members giving advice are forgetting that tinkerpuff had said they have known each other for a long time, through family, and know each other very well. I know several instances where the boy IS interested in the younger girl.
BUT a responsible respectful boy who accually DOES care, would wait.
So the end response is still the same lol. Not old enough yet. If its still the same when she grows up, then fine.
But I think in a situation like this, its not always the boy being a perverted pedophile

She asked about dating this boy.
A 19 year old boy that asks a 14 year old girl if she wants to date him is suspect. They have been texting for a while, her dad knows his dad where is the knowing each other a long time, friend of the family thing?
He is texting a 14 year old and asking to date. Come on now!

He should asking to date someone his own age. He ought to be ashamed of himself!

Thanks to all of you guys who answered my questions.The things you were saying were the things going through my head. :why the hell is he asking me? " I mean sure I was flattered and all but really i am only 14..right?? FYI My parents do know about him and I do know he has a "sex drive" I mean duh! He is 19. So all I wanted was for you all to tell me what I was thinking so it was clear.. ya know

Thanks to all of you guys who answered my questions.The things you were saying were the things going through my head. :why the hell is he asking me??" I mean sure I was flattered and all but really i am only 14..right?? FYI My parents do know about him and I do know he has a "sex drive" i mean duh! he is 19. So all I wanted was for you all to tell me what I was thinking so it was clear..ya know

Good for you. You are a smart girl.

I wish you the best. Boys will come along in your future soon enough. Boys your own age.

I agree that you are a very smart girl, and have acted upon the advice of others to help you make up your mind what to do.

I don't think anybody has made him out to be a sexual pervert or predator, the point was, the age gap, and the differences between development.

Inappropritate- absolutely.

Let's hope that he manages to find a girlfriend his own age, that is appropriate.

Your mom and dad have to be proud. I am.

i am not trying to start any arguments here, but i think alot of the members giving advice are forgetting that tinkerpuff had said they have known eachother for a long time, thru family, and know eachother very well. i know several instances where the boy IS interested in the younger girl.
BUT a responsible respectful boy who accually DOES care, would wait.
so the end response is still the same lol. not old enough yet. if its still the same when she grows up, then fine.
but i think in a situation like this, its not always the boy being a perverted pedophile

Jennie, No one is arguing here. She said that their fathers knew each other. That's it. I don't know where the "very well" and "long time, thru family" comes from. We didn't "forget" something that wasn't there.

It doesn't matter if that was true. He is too old to be preying on an EIGHTH GRADER.

Tinker Tell this guy that you are not ready to date now.

Tell him to come back in a few years. If he really likes you he will back off and wait his turn.

If he pushes you more to go out with him, tell your dad. Im sure your dad will have something to say!

You are a smart girl!

Jennie, No one is arguing here. She said that their fathers knew each other. That's it. I don't know where the "very well" and "long time, thru family" comes from. We didn't "forget" something that wasn't there.

It doesn't matter if that was true. He is too old to be preying on an EIGHTH GRADER.

I'm in grade 10 LOL!! But I get your point totally. Thanks to all of you calling me a smart girl.Most girls my age would be all over this because " OH MY GOD a older guy is like totally interested in my!! YAY!!" you... ewww

Ok so. I am 15 years old and I am in love with a 20 year old. I am literally IN LOVE. You all are going to say " you are 15 you do not know love" well I do. It is not a crush at all. I have had crushes and they are like... "hmmmm he is sooo hot!!!!" I know its love because when I talk to him or see him I get the nicest feeling in my stomach and a fuzzy feeling in my chest.I think about talking with him.Nothing sexual. Of course I have thought about stuff like that,but its not always like that.He makes me so happy,I can't help but smile. We have talked forever and ever.It was a total mistake because of my brother.We started talking when I was 13 I think. He told me he loved me too,but doesn't want to date me mostly because he doesn't want my social life ruined.He said he would wait for me as long as when I turned 18 I still loved him. Tonight he asked me if I would marry him when I was of legal age. I told him I would. Is this wrong.I mean it feels so right.Im really confused because I don't know what people might say about it,you know? He left for awhile and we couldn't talk because he was on this job thing. It felt like my heart was exploding because I couldn't hear his voice :( He also hasn't tried kissing me or anything.he wants me to be comfortable. He said that he will not have sex till I'm older if I still do love him. I believe him. He never lies,he is that kind of person. Trust me.

Tell me your views please...

You said we shouldn't say it, but I will anyway. You're only 15. You really don't have any concept of what being in love really is. It's a fact. You may not like it. You may not agree with it, but it's a fact.

I do believe that you think you're in love. I do believe that you think this will be forever. I'm betting that it won't.

I have to ask. What in the world does a 20 year old have in common with a 15 year old? You may as well be 40 years apart in this stage of your lives.

He works, you're in school. He can vote, you can't even drive. He's an adult, you're a child.

What do you two talk about? I can't imagine you having anything to discuss with each other, unless he's extremely immature for his age.

Bottom line, you can date whoever you want, unless your parents intervene, but have sex, and he's off to jail.

Will other people find it odd? Yes. It's not natural for a 20 year old to be interested in a child.

I thought you said he was willing to wait for sex until you're comfortable.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/good-role-play-474812.html

So your 15, he is 20. He wants to marry you when your older but he hasn't tried to kiss you yet and your not dating him.

So basically nothing is happening and he says he will wait for you.

How will he feel if you decide to get a boyfriend other than him in the next 3 years?

How would you feel if he got another girlfriend other than you in the next 3 years?

You can put your life on hold for him.

If he really likes you he will push his feelings aside and wait till your 18 and not feed you lines of marry me when your of age to keep you hooked!

im in grade 10 LOL!!! but I get your point totally. Thanks to all of you calling me a smart girl.Most girls my age would be all over this because " OH MY GOD a older guy is like totally interested in my!! YAY!!" ya...ewww

Seems like you changed your mind.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/help-478158.html

Also, you both had a birthday. You're now 15 and he's 20, is that right?

Threads merged

And now this boy is "super horny"?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/good-role-play-474812.html

You may well be in love with this guy, and maybe for the first time in your life. You may well know it for a fact.

But what you need are more facts to think about. Love does make us feel warm and fuzzy inside, so does lust, and you are at the age that maybe you cannot tell the difference. Fact is over TIME the lust fades, and the love will grow. But it takes TIME for that to happen, so waiting until it does is, the wise thing to do before you just accept it as being the real thing. That could take a year. Not just hours, or days. Especially when you keep feeding it with talk, and actions. Like you are doing now.

Another fact to think about is love and lust makes us see things that may NOT be true. This guy is a man by law, with many options as far as females go, yet he has asked you, a young teen age girl to marry him. WHY?? He may well have true feelings, but his lust is more developed than yours, and has more outlets, but you don't, because then you would see that promising to marry someone at 15, for all the fuzzy feelings, and how right it seems is not practical. Just stop and think for a minute that its 3 years of your life that you will have to be true to him, and even though he says he will wait, because he doesn't want to ruin your social life, that exactly what will happen, because you will not be able to learn, and grow through some very important teen age experiences with others your age, the dating, and hanging out that grooms you for adult hood, and the normal interactions with those your age, who will have those warm fuzzy feeling for you, and you for them.

Add to that the FACT you are already starting to play with the idea of SEX, in your dreams maybe, and over the phone. Trust me Tinker, that will only get stronger, and as your already aware that lust has many of your friends that also are as in love as you are (so they think) doing the adult thing, and exploring, and experimenting with their new found feelings, and urges that they are discovering within them. Just as you are. Too bad at the age you are that, you don't quite have the maturity to handle all those feelings yet. Even at 18, many have not learned how to handle those feelings, and just read a few stories here on this site, and you will see that even adults, both old and young, have great difficulty handling those feelings, So no doubt you, and this 20 year old guy are probably just acting on feelings that make you FEEL really good, but neither off you have the SKILLS, or emotional TOOLS to handle those very strong intense feelings.

Sorry this is getting long, but let me just point out one more fact, At 15, and 20, very few young people have a clue as to what they want to do with their future lives, or where they want to be when they are say... 30. It's a fact for us all we cannot see that far ahead, and don't know what going to happen as we get there, and we don't care when we are your age. All young people care about are those feelings, and as you get older, the freedom of having those feelings, and being on your own to do whatever you want.

So take into account as you wrestle with those feelings the fact that they have consequences, that you will be responsible for, like babies and other things that may change your life, and not always for the best.

Bottom line here, take time to get the facts, all of them, and don't just go with the warm fuzzy feelings that seem to make everything you do seem so right with this guy, because you smile and enjoy now, but can pay later by giving in to what you feel. Like the phone sex thing, you think is the right thing to do when you're so in love. Be careful dear Tinker, it leads to a lot of things you know nothing about, but will pay dearly for.

Yes this love you have can distract you from following your hopes, and dreams, and blind you to the facts about reality. That's when maturity kicks in, and that warm fuzzy feeling in your belly becomes a lot of hard work to survive. Thats how we know that you THINK you're in love, because all you have are feelings, and haven't even thought about the facts of your situation yet.

No one has asked you what your parents think, but I saved that for last since I seriously doubt they know what we do about you, and this guy.

You are a 15 year old in lust with a 20 year old who has been playing games with you for a good while. That is sick!
While you are having these lusty feelings I would imagine he is too but he probably has a girl closer to his age to take care of it, but if he gets the nerve and the chance it will be you and I don't think it will be because he loves you.
As a woman and a mom I find it appalling and creepy this 20 year old is playing these types of games with you.
I wonder what your fathers would say if they knew what is gong on.

No matter if you think you've been through stuff most adults haven't, there's life skills, communication skills, you won't have much up top about those.

Also experience comes with age as does wisdom.

Anyway the short answer is no you cannot date a 20 yr old Man
You're under age.


And sex is illegal and a Big Huge NO NO.

Well yeah Altenwag. Its been happening for awhile but its completely different with lets say.. mark* the other guy jimmy* only really actually wants sex.That I found out a little bit after I asked that question. But mark* is way more mature about it,if that makes aby sense. I said "ewww" to jimmy because that's him... ewww.There seems to be something with mark* and I don't even know why the hell I ask questions on here if people just go and paint every teenager with the same frickin paintbrush.

No matter if you think youve been through stuff most adults havent, theres life skills, communication skills, you wont have much up top about those.

Also experience comes with age as does wisdom.

Anyway the short answer is no you cannot date a 20 yr old Man
youre under age.


And sex is illegal and a Big Huge NO NO.

I do not want to have sex with him.He hasn't even tried.I DO NOT want to date him.I did not say anything about dating him.Thank-you positiveparent but please read the whole question and don't assume Im going to jump his bones and date him, thanks : )

You are a 15 year old in lust with a 20 year old who has been playing games with you for a good while. That is sick!
While you are having these lusty feelings I would imagine he is too but he probably has a girl closer to his age to take care of it but if he gets the nerve and the chance it will be you and I don't think it will be because he loves you.
As a woman and a mom I find it appalling and creepy this 20 year old is playing these types of games with you.
I wonder what your fathers would say if they knew what is gong on.

Ok... I do not have "lusty" feelings for him.Sure I might think about him once and awhile , buts it not " sex sex sex sex" . FYI he doesn't have a girl to take care of.And I really don't care if any of you all don't believe that.Sure whatever if he dates a girl in the 2 and a half years.Big whoop. And Homegirl nobody plays games with me.Its got nothing to do with games.

Anyway the short answer is no you cannot date a 20 yr old Man
youre under age.

And sex is illegal and a Big Huge NO NO.

There are no laws that say she can't date. The laws only refer to sexual activity.


I dont even know why the hell I ask questions on here if people just go and paint every teenager with the same frickin paintbrush.

No we don't paint everyone with the same brush. But we are aware that everyone tells us how mature they are and how much they have gone through when they don't really have a clue. You haven't given us any proof that you are different, just the opposite.

And now we find that it appears you have two men you are string along (mark and jimmy? ).

Ok soo.....in canada you can date somebody much older then you when you are 14.You can't have sex though.At 16 sex is legal then. We have been talking and texting for awhile.His dad is friends with my dad and so on.He asked if I would be comfortable dating him..I said "idk" because im not sure what society would say.Im pretty level headed at my age(I know lots of people are going to be like,"no you just think you are") I have been through stuff probally most adults havent. Im just asking what society thinks.

Then I guess I must have developed word blindness over night, you asked I replied. I can see you're so mature and very grown up.

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