Hi there. So I'm 17 and my girlfriend's 16. I'm a virgin (and so is she) I'm eager to try new things and I guess you can say I have a high sex drive since I feel the need to masturbate often/have sexual thoughts about her. My girlfriend in the other hand feels that she's too young/not prepared for a sexual relationship and she's simply not interested in sex at this time of her life. And I TOTALLY respect that. I think that a 16 year old girl has all the rights to deny a sexual relationship at her age, therefore I'm OK with it and its not like I wan't to break up with her because of that. I love her very much.

But even though I respect her decision, I still want it, and it makes me kind of unhappy not being able to have a sexual relationship with someone I really love because I think its something that would make us both happy and improve our relationship.

Its not that I'm not giving importance to our love relationship if you know what I mean. I still value our love more than anything in my life.

Masturbating is not really doing the job for me right now, I need something more, so I want to know stuff like, is there any food I can eat for that matter? Should I change my day to day behavior somehow? Am I giving too much importance to something to the subject?

Please help, all answer are appreciated.

Add info:
- We have been in this relationship for almost 8 months now.
- I'm pretty sure she loves me back as much as I love her.
- She's takes some medicine for her allergies and stomach problems, could that be reducing her sex drive?
- I'm very aware that we are kind of too young to even think of this stuff, but I think that with responsibility and knowledge about the subject, it can be a positive thing.

Also, please don't flame me for being a pervert or something like that, I'm just kind of confused right now and need some advice on how to react to this situation. Thanks

I bet the lack of her sex drive is called parenthood, and she doesn't want to be a parent.

You can be the most responsible person in the world and still become a parent.

I thought sex didn't necessarily mean parenthood, I think I'm pretty well educated when It comes to sex and protection and I already told her that.

Also I have told her that if she doesn't want sex in the "penetration" way, we can also try out a softer approach if you know what I mean, and she still refuses that. Anyway I have already said that I'm OK with her not wanting a sexual relationship, I'm just asking how can I stop thinking about it.

I thought sex didn't necessarily mean parenthood,

Why would you think that?

Because there is something called contraception? Correct me if I'm wrong.

I'll let my children correct you. They were conceived using contraception.

There is no form of birth control that is 100% effective. Two of my children were conceived on the pill. We have a few members who got pregnant using 3 forms of birth control.

Contraception only reduces the risk of possible pregnancy, it does not prevent pregnancy.

I've delivered babies to women who have used the pill, a condom AND spermicide. They still got pregnant.

Sure, I understand that, I'm as afraid of being a parent as any decent teenager is. But what about "foreplay"? No one can get pregnant by doing that and that way we could give pleasure to each other and I wouldn't feel as sexually frustrated, therefore making me happier and our relationship healthier.

Foreplay leads to sex. Plain and simple. I deliver babies to children your age and they always say that it "just went too far one time."

You CAN get pregnant the first time.


I wouldn't feel as sexually frustrated, therefore making me happier and our relationship healthier.

It might make the relationship healthier for you, but not for her.

She is NOT ready. Don't push her. Keep your penis in your pants if you want to keep her for a girlfriend. Better yet, ask her father if he thinks that sex and/or foreplay will make your relationship healthier.

You are the kind of boy I keep my 16 year old daughter away from.

More of the story: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-should-feel-about-469700.html

Well now you are insulting me, which is not necessary.

1- I already said more than once that I'm OK with her not wanting sex, but as most teenager boys, its something I sometimes think about. I'm simply not going to feel bad for myself for thinking about sex once in a while.

2- I'm asking how can I definitely stop thinking about sex, in order to be happier. Why would you be insulting me because of that? Not to be rude but, you deliver babies to teenagers, do you ? Wouldn't you be happier if more of them thought like me rather than acting by instinct?

Btw that first post was about how should I feel about it, now I'm just trying to reduce my sex drive.

For ***** sake, I come here trying to get a helpful advice on how to control myself and be more responsible and all I get is insults. Thanks a lot.

If you want to reduce your sex drive, introduce yourself to Rosie Palmer and her five sisters in the privacy of your own bathroom.

Your girlfriend said she is not ready to be intimate. So either respect that or break up with her.

Not to be rude but, you deliver babies to teenagers, do you ? Wouldn't you be happier if more of them thought like me rather than acting by instinct?

Actually many of them DO think like you. That's why they end up pregnant in the end.

I don't want to bring up an old post but I just saw that there was a new response on it:

Consider this a good time to show love, and respect, and find better ways to express them, besides in selfish gratification with an unwilling partner. You can enjoy the experience, as it sounds like a healthy one. All of us have to learn to control our lust, especially since we humans have so much of it. But it fades in time and love grows.

Just remember that love is about actions, not just words. A show of love is not pressuring her at all about sex, and handle your lust privately.

That was probably the one good advice I ever got here, thanks talaniman, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

P.S. I will definitely think twice about asking something online now, since from all the answers I had about 2-3 were actually helpful, others were simply insulting and made me even more frustated. I think those people are not really helpful here, I wonder how they got so much reputation.

Btw that first post was about how should I feel about it, now I'm just trying to reduce my sex drive.

For ***** sake, I come here trying to get a helpful advice on how to control myself and be more responsible and all I get is insults. Thanks a lot.

You seem to still have thoughts about getting your girlfriend to play sex games otherwise you wouldn't have asked about her sex drive and her medications.

Most people seeing this thread wouldn't have read your other thread (which is why I linked to it) and I am not sure if this one shouldn't be merged with it.

Remember that people will give you the advice that they feel is best and you do seem to think that contraceptives are more effective (as in 100%) than they are. To those of us who know better (my husband healed from a vasectomy), it is a scary thought.

I think you are focusing too much on the physical aspect of sex and devoting too much time to thinking about it. You think about not only what you are or aren't getting but what your friends are doing. I have a question how do you know what they are doing? If they are talking about it, doesn't that seem a bit disrespectful of the people they are involved with?

Redirect your thoughts. Get involved in things that tire out your body and your mind. Sports, hobbies, volunteer work, etc.

I'm sorry you didn't like what you heard, but you are a young man coming into your own. You are asking us how to convince your girlfriend to at least participate in foreplay. All we are doing is showing you the pitfalls of this, but you can't accept it.

Yes, you are teen boy with raging hormones, but you need to respect the fact that your girlfriend is not ready for this kind of relationship. If you can't accept that, then find another girlfriend and be prepared for parenthood.

I've been a teen, I've raised 2 teen sons who are now married with their own children, and I am raising a teen daughter. I believe I know full well what you are going through.

At your age you are not going to be able to reduce your sex drive unless you do it yourself in privacy. But by all means respect the fact that your girlfriend is not ready for that kind of intimacy yet.

I felt insulted when you said "you are the kind of boy that I would keep my 16 year old daughter from". What kind of helpful advice is that? I'm sorry you had to deal with parenthood so soon in your life, but you don't have to rage on me because of that.

... anyway, thank you cat1864, I have been wanting to get involved in a new sport recently and I guess that's what I'm going to do.

Love, I was married for several years before I had to deal with parenthood. I wasn't young by any means. My 4th child was born when I was almost 40.

Yes, you are the boy I keep my daughter away from. Why? Because you are making excuses to get physical with a girl who is not ready for that. She does not want to give you oral sex, or any other form of sex. She is a very smart girl. She knows what can happen and she's not ready for that.

Sooooo, either respect that or break up with her. It's that simple. Really it is.

You know what? I'm going to do whatever it takes to be as happy as possible with my girlfriend and make sure she is also happy for having me.

As for sex, I'm still going to think about it and want it. But ill respect my girlfriend if she doesn't want to do it at this time of her life, and I'm not going to feel bad that she made that decision because I can understand why.

Oh and her parents are very decent and respectable people, they know me very well and as far as I know, they are more than happy to have someone like me dating their daughter.

I don't why did I ever want to ask this kind of question online... I guess I get what I ask for.

Thanks.

Well, sorry you didn't get the answers you wanted, but you got the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Oh, and if her parents like you so well, ask THEM if their daughter can give you a blow job an see what reaction you get.

Edit: I didn't mean to say that...

J_9, I'm obviously not going to ask that to her parents, sure I'm a teenager but that doesn't mean I'm dumb. I appreciate your previous advice though.

This thread really changed my mind, as I said, from now on, I'm going to focus on what me and my girlfriend BOTH want. I confess that I kind of raged about this sex thing without thinking. I see things way more clearly now.

Edit: I didn't mean to say that...

J_9, I'm obviously not going to ask that to her parents, sure I'm a teenager but that doesn't mean I'm dumb. I appreciate your previous advice though.

This thread really changed my mind, as I said, from now on, I'm going to focus on what me and my girlfriend BOTH want. I confess that I kinda raged about this sex thing without thinking. I see things way more clearly now.

I am glad you seem to have calmed down.

You're learning and maturing. It isn't easy to do especially with all the things going on around you.

I think you do have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Give it a chance to do its job and keep you from making major mistakes. I think that is why you came here and stayed.

I wish you well.

Edit: I didn't mean to say that...

J_9, I'm obviously not going to ask that to her parents, sure I'm a teenager but that doesn't mean I'm dumb. I appreciate your previous advice though.

This thread really changed my mind, as I said, from now on, I'm going to focus on what me and my girlfriend BOTH want. I confess that I kinda raged about this sex thing without thinking. I see things way more clearly now.

Have you ever thought about the fact that there are girls out there that have thought about it as much as you do and made the decision to wait until they get married so it can be truly special. Its much more common then you think. If you want to grow into a man then you have to stop thinking as a teenager. You keep using it like an excuse. Its true that many teens think its cool to have sex and then when they are standing in front of a judge for issues of child support or even getting to see their child its not so fun anymore. What you have to realize is that sometimes it takes being pounded with the truth is the only way we get sense knocked into us. Respect her wishs and try to distract yourself in other ways. Be as good as you can be.

redhead1992 disagrees: they end up pregnant because they WANT to find away to stop desiring sex?

Since you are new, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you did NOT read the rules as to how to give agrees or disagrees. Disagrees are for information that is factually incorrect.

Had you read the entire post before you gave me a reddie you would have noticed that this child believes that contraception is 100% infallible. That is WHY I posted what I did. Teens think that contraception is 100% effective so they do end up pregnant.

There is no way you are going to or can reduce your sex drive at your age, it is normal. You can masturbate which is what a lot of guys your age do. You can find other things to do with your time, you can not allow you two to be in positions where heavy petting is easy, you can group date. You can go on dates in very public places.
Wanting something and it not being the right time to have it and then learning to deal with it is part of the growing and maturing process.
Thanks for asking the question, it shows you are thinking with your upper brain and that is a plus.