I'm a 28 year old guy and my ex is a 27 year old woman. We both share the same faith. She is still a virgin and I have had sex in a couple of relationships.

The relationship was great for a month until I took it too far one night. The next day she talked about breaking up over how physical we were. After being together for four months I took it too far again. The next day she says she needs a break and now we are on a break.

Two additional comments. We were physical two days before we were supposed to take a roadtrip/weekend away together. The weekend away was intended to get away from work and bond, not for a weekend of physical intimacy. Before she mentioned wanting a break in our relationship, she explained that she wasn't comfortable going on the roadtrip together which caused her to realize that we need a break.

Secondly, she has issues with expressing herself/opening up. She doesn't like to talk about deeper issues or emotional topics in her life. She shys away from physical contact as well.

I really like my ex and am not sure how to resolve the "break"? I screwed up by being too physical with her. How can I prove to her that I won't screw up again? Part of me thinks she is too afraid to break up so she asked for a break. Part of me thinks she doesn't know how to handle her fear of the roadtrip we were supposed to go on. I think she would be too afraid to call even if she was still interested. From conversations early on in our relationship, it sounds like this isn't the first time she's walked away from a relationship over fear of physical intimacy. Help!

Hi, KyleS28!

In your heart, do you truly want to honor that which she wants or doesn't want, at this point in time, as far as physical intimacy is concered, please?

Thanks!

absolutely. It is a challenge for me, but I respect her values. The problem is that sometimes it is hard because she makes welcoming advances and then feels convicted about them the next day. She is more important to me than the physical intimacy. I just don't know how to communicate how apologetic I am and that we may need to seek relationship counceling.

Okay.

So, how would taking a road trip together help to keep things on a lesser level of physical intimacy than either of you might desire to have, please?

For instance, if it's a road trip for two or three days, would the two of you be planning on sleeping separated from each other?

Sorry guy, but I just don't buy the guilt trip. This is where you talk about things, and work through issues. Not blindly break up till she feels better about herself.

The really simple truth is you BOTH went too far, and why should you suffer what you both have done. That's not fair, nor is it appropriate. You have been patient, and human, so don't even take all the blame for her guilt, not let her put it all on you.

That's the problem, she is calling all the shots, and you are not even willing to deal with the truth, so you can never have a useful solution, just whatever she decides.

Millions of couples go through this, its only natural, but running away from responsibility will NEVER work. You better talk to her, and stop this laying all the blame at your feet for human mistakes, or you will get more of the same behavior, and wonder why this is another break.

Breaks are no substitute for communications. If you can't communicate, you do not have a relationship. I honestly doubt she is even ready for a healthy adult relationship.

The idea of the roadtrip was to leave work behind and enjoy the outdoors together. She tends to bring her work home with her and a weekend away would have been a good way of focusing on us. We were sleeping in the same room with separate beds.

So do I talk about things with her or do I wait a month? Do I talk about the past or just focus on moving forward? How can I call the shots in a relationship that isn't supposed to be physical? How can I get her to open up so we can improve our communication?

I leave her alone, so she can get over herself. Let her call you. She asked for a break, give it to her, and take one yourself.

Threads merged


Haven't seen or spoken to my ex in 3 weeks. She was the one to break up with me because we rushed into the relationship too fast. Too physical too fast. We were together for 3 months. She agreed to meet up for lunch. I still am interested in her. Do I treat her like a friend? Do I treat her just like when we were in the relationship? Do I tell her I am still interested in her? Do I flirt? If it goes well, how long do I wait until I set up another time to meet? I need advice on reuniting with ex.

Why does she want to have lunch ? What is the purpose,

If you get false hopes and keep letting the other lead you on, it can be nothing but heartaches.

Personally I would not go, do no contact and move on with my life. If it did not work and you broke up, unless you are talking ( and it is obvoius you are not) then how can you work out the problems.

What exactly does "I took it too far" mean?

Did you FORCE her to do something that she did not want to do?

Or did you go a step further knowing that she was excited, and possibly would regret what it was that you were doing?

Did you sexually assault her in any way?

Was she a willing participant in what happened?

If so, then IT went too far, not YOU.

Know and respect the boundaries that women have. No means no.

If you made her do something against her will, then shame on you. If she was willing and wanted the "activity", then shame on her for making you take all of the blame.

I'd like to know which case it was please.

Seriously sounds all too much trouble than it's worth.

Get someone who enjoys the physical aspect of a relationship as much as the rest of a healthy relationship.

It was only 3 months, so I'd say you should thank your lucky stars that it didn't go any further.

What exactly does "I took it too far" mean?

Did you FORCE her to do something that she did not want to do?

Or did you go a step further knowing that she was excited, and possibly would regret what it was that you were doing?

Did you sexually assault her in any way?

Was she a willing participant in what happened?

If so, then IT went too far, not YOU.

Know and respect the boundaries that women have. No means no.

If you made her do something against her will, then shame on you. If she was willing and wanted the "activity", then shame on her for making you take all of the blame.

I'd like to know which case it was please.

There isn't any missing info in this thread. We both initiated being physical with one another and no clothes came off, etc, everything was above the clothes, but it was still physical. No abuse, etc. I know I need to respect her boundaries and no means no but I had one challenging night where she was initiating the physical contact and I went along with it knowing she would feel convicted afterwards.

3 months isn't a long time, but you know when you meet someone unique and different than anyone else you've ever dated. I want to see where this relationship will go. Its not about whether I should see her. I am seeing her and I need to know how to approach the conversation if I still want to be back together with her.

If she is willing set some boundaries. And stick to them no matter what she says, or be blamed for her lack of control, and right or wrong, go through this again.

Pack your bags, you're going on a guilt trip.

You both initiated physical contact, you didn't force her into anything. Now she's blaming you because she wants to believe that she's virtuous and moral. She's kidding herself and you're letting her blame it all on you.

If you want to continue this relationship, set up boundaries. Tell her point blank that she's not to make advances towards you and you will promise the same. She needs to accept responsibility in all of this, it's a two way street, she needs to take her blinders off and realize that she's part of the problem.

If you can't talk to her about this, then why are you with her?

"we both initiated being physical with one another"... "she was initiating the physical contact and i went along with it"

This is not YOUR fault. You both share responsibility for this.

Try to work it out.

Thanks for the advice! How long should this break last? When I spoke to her about meeting up for lunch she agreed but says she also thinks we need time. I don't want too much time to pass as the more time that passes the less interested I will be and if we both become uninterested than what is the point? Is the reason she wants time is because the more time that passes the less she will think about why we broke up?

My biggest issue with time is that if we allow too much time I think I will lose her altogether. Is this true?

Its up to her to get over whatever she is feeling, and you can't force her to do anything. Matter of fact pushing to hard is what will drive her even further away.

Give her what she asked for, and don't get carried away by your own fears, and start acting impulsive..

Its up to her to get over whatever she is feeling, and you can't force her to do anything. Matter of fact pushing to hard is what will drive her even further away.

Give her what she asked for, and don't get carried away by your own fears, and start acting impulsive..

What do you mean by "start acting impulsive?"

Give her her time and space but you need to get on with your life. She is not ready for adult dating.
She is not a child. If she has a no sex rule, then boundaries are her responsibility too. She played a part in crossing them, you didn't do it on your own and you didn't force her.
Have lunch with her but tell her you will not accept the all the blame in this. Tell her she can call you when she is more willing to accept responsibility for her actions and not put it all on you.

Give her her time and space but you need to get on with your life. She is not ready for adult dating.
She is not a child. If she has a no sex rule, then boundaries are her responsibility too. She played a part in crossing them, you didn't do it on your own and you didn't force her.
Have lunch with her but tell her you will not accept the all the blame in this. Tell her she can call you when she is more willing to accept responsibility for her actions and not put it all on you.

People are kind of missing the cause of the break. She didn't call for a break because of the second time we were physical. She wanted a break because we planned a weekend getaway and she wasn't comfortable about the trip, mostly because we would be putting ourselves in a tempting situation.

I'm not sure if the relationship was moving too fast for her or that she felt the relationship was becoming too physical and she was conflicted with the direction the relationship was heading.

See Kyle, that's what we mean, if she is so conflicted within herself then, that's what causes confusion, and drama. And you will never know what she wants, or what she expects.

To clear this up, then you have to talk, and define clear boundaries, but she has asked for time, instead of wanting to talk. So I don't know if she will be ready for a lunch date, and take you back, doubt it, but that's your call.

Chasing after a confused female is impulsive actions in my book, because the fact is she needs time and distance to process what ever the heck is her issue.

people are kind of missing the cause of the break. she didn't call for a break because of the second time we were physical. she wanted a break because we planned a weekend getaway and she wasn't comfortable about the trip, mostly because we would be putting ourselves in a tempting situation.

i'm not sure if the relationship was moving too fast for her or that she felt the relationship was becoming too physical and she was conflicted with the direction the relationship was heading.
That puts a different light on it, but that is no reason to call a break. All she had to say was "I'm not ready for a weekend trip with you" I mean you have been together only 3 months. Maybe she thinks things were progressing too fast.
Talk to her and get a clearer understanding of what she meant

people are kind of missing the cause of the break. she didnt call for a break because of the second time we were physical. she wanted a break because we planned a weekend getaway and she wasnt comfortable about the trip, mostly because we would be putting ourselves in a tempting situation.

i'm not sure if the relationship was moving too fast for her or that she felt the relationship was becoming too physical and she was conflicted with the direction the relationship was heading.

You have to ask yourself if she is the one that you want to marry. Do you love her enough to put up with this indecision?

If she is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then set boundaries, and keep to them. Both of you.

You have your work cut out for you.

I wouldn't want to be you right now. Mentally, and sexually frustrated. You are rowing a boat with a piece of rope. Upstream.

Good luck.

Here is a confusing question that I am currently experiencing. I have lost all emotional feelings towards this woman, but she has qualities that I am looking for. Where do I go from here? I know we could reignite the flame in the future if we started over. Do I suggest we start over? I would start over if she was willing to but I don't really have the passion to pursue her. Help.


Also, do I explain that I lost feelings for her or just go nc?

I hope you have not let her confusion be yours also. Its what usually happens when we get confusion and intense feelings of frustration going through us at once.

You may even be in shock still wondering what the heck just happened to you.

Understandable. Just give her what she asks for, TIME, and go about what you should be doing which is your own thing while the dust settles and the brain comes back to reality.

Bet in a week or so, you will have a much better handle on your own feelings and can better cope with what you have been through.

You know, it helps an awful lot to have a good trusted friend around, to help you keep your feet on the ground.

Thanks to all of you whom answered my previous topic. I was thinking back a few years to a relationship I was in. the story is simple...

We were together for 8 months. I planned almost all of the dates and romantic ideas. One day she starts provoking me to argue with her. The arguing goes on for about a week. There really wasn't much arguing on my part but she was being overly disagreeable and she seemed to provoke me to argue. At the end of the week, she tells me that she lost romantic interest in me and she's not sure whether it will change in the future?

That was it for me. There really wasn't anything to say but nice knowing you. What was I supposed to do? Hang her upside down from a chandelier and stick a cucumber in her mouth?

She has remained single for almost two years now. We are still friends on myspace. I would hope she has matured since then.

The question I have is... do people regain romantic interest or once a person is ruled out, they are out? Once romantic interest is lost it can never be regained? Just trying to figure out whether it is even worth talking to this girl again? Right now, I'm not interested in her, but I can't say that I wouldn't be interested in her in the future. I should mention that I was 26, she was 22 at the time (now 28 and 24).

No one knows how one day its peaches and honey, and the next day, it's a disaster. Most people learn the hard way not to look back, but to move forward. After the proper healing its possible to be civil, but the lessons of the past prevent romance from growing. While anything is possible, its not always likely that feelings return to where they were. Especially if the situations that cause a break up are still unresolved.

That's why the advice is always move on, not move back.

I think people have trouble discriminating love from infatuation... from lust... from loyalty.. I could on and on. All those feelings can fade to nothing, but love never will.

Some people let their relationships live and die on temporary states of being. When all those feelings die away, you'll find out who really loves you.

So, off my soap box. My advice is not to look back. If she comes to you, maybe then consider giving her a second chance (and hopefully, she HAS grown up). But I don't see it working out in the end if you're the one to re-initiate things.

If you show a woman too much attention and she breaks up with you because she loses interest, after NC can/how do you win her back?

If you have healed properly through NC, you don't want her back.

I don't want her back, she wants me back, I just want to give her the green light. :)

Is this the virgin who needed a break??

No, the virgin and I had different issues.

Here is a hypothetical. If she breaks up with you, then dates someone else for a month and now is single again, would there be any chance in reuniting a relationship?

Depends on the people, and circumstances.

Look, don't mean to be evasive, so quit beating around the bush, and get to your question, as you have posted about two different females here, and now you want hypothetical.

Sorry guy, doesn't work that way. Informations is what gets facts, and opinions, not hypothetical.

Plus I feel you are too soon from a relationship to even consider another so soon, as a proper healing takes time, and dating for fun would be better than jumping in a commitment just to heal old wounds. Further if the female has dumped you, has a date and comes running back to you, hell no would I welcome her with open arms.

She had her chance to communicate and work on things, but she chose a path that worked for her, not you, so she can keep it.


That's not hypothetical advise.

if you show a woman too much attention and she breaks up with you because she loses interest, after NC can/how do you win her back?


i don't want her back, she wants me back, i just want to give her the green light. :)


no, the virgin and i had different issues.

here is a hypothetical. if she breaks up with you, then dates someone else for a month and now is single again, would there be any chance in reuniting a relationship?

If I take these three posts at face value, I have to say that you are confused about what you want and who you want it with.

1. NC is for healing yourself. If you are confused about what/who you want then you haven't been using it correctly or long enough because you haven't fully healed.

2. Unless the problems that caused the break up have been dealt with, getting 'back' together with anyone after any length of time is asking for the same thing to happen again.

3. Healing is something that takes time and effort. It takes learning from the past what you don't want to repeat in the future. It takes letting go of anger and negative feelings so that they aren't piled up on the 'next' person. It takes putting away the memorabilia so that the new interest isn't being compared to a previous interest.

4. Trust and Communication are very basic needs in any relationship. It is very difficult to trust someone who isn't willing to communicate with you about the concerns and issues in the relationship. Both people have to be able and willing to talk and listen and work together to fix any problems. Walking away is a final solution when all else has failed. If it isn't the last thing, it becomes a trust issue of if/when will the person leave again.

i don't want her back, she wants me back, i just want to give her the green light. :)

Saying you want to give her the green light would indicate you're all for it, don't you mean give her the red light as in no go or stop.

Also if a girl has broken up with you or you her, then she's entitled to do as she wants with who she wants and likewise yourself, if you want to take her back knowing this then that's your choice but its also your responsibility to accept that you've made that choice, and to let it go.

As has been stated in previous posts, you have to heal and deal with any issues you have from past relationships before you should embark upon another one, its called getting rid of your baggage, if you're not over one person then its not fair to a new love interest for you to start another relationship.

Give yourself time, forget about relationships or romantic involvements for now, concentrate on making you the best person you can be for yourself, it'll help you have more success in any future relationships you enter into.

I don't think you can give a woman or anyone too much attention, unless you mean you're smothering them by being too full on too soon.

That's not so much attention as invading their space and that's not a good thing.

If you don't want her back, then it looks like you just made your decision for yourself.

Don't be with someone for your own benefit and lead them on. That can usually scar women for quite a while.

That's how we end up with trust issues.

Go with the beat of your own drum.
You said you didn't want to be with her but she wants to be with you... just don't do it.

Sounds like a very painful situation and relationship to be in.

It's kind of like not being able to choose your parents. I don't want her back but she is the one for me so I want to give her the green light to come back. I'm not leading her on because I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I don't want her back but she is the one for me so I want to give her the green light to come back.

I thoroughly don't understand, why don't you want her back, but she is the one for you. Please explain, or pass the joint!

Roflmao at talanimans post LOL I agree pass the joint all this confusion I feel I need to clear my head.

Is this the same person:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-lost-romantic-interest-me-476186.html

If it isn't, please give background information on this person so you can receive accurate and appropriate advice.

Currently, your posts sound more like you want to fish for the advice you want rather than to get the advice you need. Or is this thread an attempt at discussing taking people back instead of asking for advice?

I suggest you make certain that you aren't projecting your feelings on to her. I also suggest that you think about why you appear to need to be in a relationship with someone at all times even if it isn't a healthy one.

. i don't want her back but she is the one for me so i want to give her the green light to come back. \.

Are you sure you don't have a lot of female hormones because this is exactly what some women say about their ex b/fs.

Tick

Are you sure you dont have a lot of female hormones because this is exactly what some women say about their ex b/fs.

tick

Women learned the saying from me. By the way, is drama good in a relationship? I'm beginning to think that women need drama in their lives from time to time, so you should periodically start up some drama. Anyone else have anything to add?

i don't want her back..... i want to spend the rest of my life with her.Hello K:

Dude! Do you know what schizophrenia is?

excon

Dude be yourself, if you're a drama queen so be it, they have to deal with it, or hit the road. If they are drama queens, you have to deal with it, or hit the road.

So your own thing not someone else's. What your talking about is playing games with peoples heads.

women learned the saying from me. by the way, is drama good in a relationship? i'm begining to think that women need drama in their lives from time to time, so you should periodically start up some drama. anyone else have anything to add?

Drama either signifies some obscure mental condition, or games (people play) to get attention. Women don't need drama if they are well adjusted and happy in their relationship and know their man, inside and out :D Did you ever see that horror movie built around the saying 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach'. I guess I don't have to explain the plot; now there was a woman who knew her man inside and out.

Tick

Me thinks, when I am still single and haven't been playing any games ever, its time to mix it up. Games couldn't hurt my chances any worse than what I am currently experiencing in the dating field.

Also, drama tells a woman how she truly feels about a man. No drama, feelings go unknown. You don't know how good you have it until it is gone. Dating is like deal or no deal. You don't know what's in the case until you pick out some other cases.

also, drama tells a woman how she truly feels about a man. no drama, feelings go unknown.

Who gave you that mis-information?

The mature women I know do not need drama to know they love the person they are with. The mature men I know don't need drama to know they love the person they are with. Neither group needs drama to know they are loved in return.

Drama, in the sense of game playing and creating problems out of nothing, does not belong in a healthy relationship. Life provides enough issues for a couple to work through without the individuals acting like bored three year olds who don't have any communication skills. Moving, raising children, changing jobs, school, deaths of friends and family, health scares, health problems, etc. are enough to test any relationship.

You know how someone feels because you communicate with the person. You say the words. You show love through signs of affection such as caresses and hand holding. You listen when the other person says the words. You understand that a touch can speak volumes.

You don't create drama just to get a reaction. Those who do haven't matured emotionally.

Who gave you that mis-information?

The mature women I know do not need drama to know they love the person they are with. The mature men I know don't need drama to know they love the person they are with. Neither group needs drama to know they are loved in return.

Drama, in the sense of game playing and creating problems out of nothing, does not belong in a healthy relationship. Life provides enough issues for a couple to work through without the individuals acting like bored three year olds who don't have any communication skills. Moving, raising children, changing jobs, school, deaths of friends and family, health scares, health problems, etc. are enough to test any relationship.

You know how someone feels because you communicate with the person. You say the words. You show love through signs of affection such as caresses and hand holding. You listen when the other person says the words. You understand that a touch can speak volumes.

You don't create drama just to get a reaction. Those who do haven't matured emotionally.

Tru's guide to dating says that women are used to drama, so if you're not the one creating it, she will. It is better to create the drama than to allow her to create the drama. Every relationship needs drama. A relationship without drama is a relationship involving a beta male that settled.

Not my opinion, just what it says in tru's meditational tapes.

tru's guide to dating says that women are used to drama, so if youre not the one creating it, she will. it is better to create the drama than to allow her to create the drama. every relationship needs drama. a relationship without drama is a relationship involving a beta male that settled.

not my opinion, just what it says in tru's meditational tapes.

You are a very interesting male, my friend. Meditational tapes, well, if that is what keeps you going and you enjoy it, then just go about colouring your thinking. It is my feeling that you don't really have any really true feelings about your relationship. There is a name for it, maybe tal can pinpoint, it. Otherwise give me a moment. I will come up with something that will blow your mind away.

I hate drama, I play it pretty close.

Tal... rescue me... that is the name of a song title... I love potatoes with sour cream..

Tick

Please review these rules for using the agree/disagree feature.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-help/using-comments-feature-official-guidelines-24951.html

tru's guide to dating says that women are used to drama, so if you're not the one creating it, she will. it is better to create the drama than to allow her to create the drama. every relationship needs drama. a relationship without drama is a relationship involving a beta male that settled.

not my opinion, just what it says in true meditation tapes.
How old are you?
All women do not like drama nor do they create it. Relationships do not need drama for the sake of drama. A relationship without drama is one that involves mature well adjusted people.

if you show a woman too much attention and she breaks up with you because she loses interest, after NC can/how do you win her back?
If she breaks up with you, she does not want to be with you. That is her choice and decision not yours.
NC is time for you to heal, not for her to decide if she wants you back.


it's kind of like not being able to choose your parents. i don't want her back but she is the one for me so i want to give her the green light to come back. i'm not leading her on because i want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Sounds to me like you are the one that craves drama. This makes no sense. You don't want her but she is for you, you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Are you drinking or smoking something?

I'm old enough to know what love means.

If she breaks up with you, she does not want to be with you. That is her choice and decision not yours.
NC is time for you to heal, not for her to decide if she wants you back.

Yeah. Looking back I wish I knew that. Everyone was saying go nc when I probably could have fired up the grille if I called her within 48 hours of breaking up. Nc leads to 0% chance of relationship working, while talking through the breakup might have actually worked. Hindsight is everything. At least we are still Facebook friends.

i'm old enough to know what love means.

Please give me your definition.

How old are you? What you are describing is not love. This is dysfunction, some kind of weird dependency.
Your ideas about women drama and love speak teenager to me. That or very confused adult.

hindsight is everything. at least we are still facebook friends.

Hindsight is 20/20 meaning you can't really count on it. It is a saying really.

Kyle, just do the best you can with your s/o. You have some good points, some misdirected. Overall I think you have the right idea and if you love this woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her, then go for it; get down on your knees, give her a ring and you will find she turns instantly into the gibbering woman you want her to be. I applaud your spunk.

Ms tick

According to another thread, he is 28 years old and she is 24.


right now, i'm not interested in her, but i can't say that i wouldnt be interested in her in the future. i should mention that i was 26, she was 22 at the time (now 28 and 24).

According to another thread, he is 28 years old and she is 24. Thatg is a pretty good time spread. Should be a good match.

Looking back on your other thread, you seem like a control freak and she could not deal with it.
It seems to me that you don't want her back but you want someone.
Have you dated other women since she broke up with you two years ago?

Looking back on your other thread, you seem like a control freak and she could not deal with it.
It seems to me that you don't want her back but you want someone.
Have you dated other women since she broke up with you two years ago?

I haven't gone back and read through my previous threads but I am referencing three different relationships so its not quite how you see it.

I'm referring to the person you asked about June 3 of this year.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-lost-romantic-interest-me-476186.html
If this is a different person, I think you need to stay away from realtionships until you can get yourself together.
Your emotions are all over the place and you seem to have very little respect for women.
Are these all the same women?

I think you need to stay away from realtionships until you can get yourself together.
Your emotions are all over the place and you seem to have very little respect for women.


I appreciate the feedback. Some of you are being mean while others are being helpful. The reason I am posting is because I am currently dating someone... you could call it a relationship and I am looking for advice to avoid repeats of the past.

I'm not sure how to take homegirls advice. I can't just stay away from a relationship that I am in. am I supposed to tell her I shouldn't be in a relationship because homegirl said so on an internet message board? Here's a cucumber for your mouth on your way out the door?

You asked for advice. You have posted 3 different threads having problems in all of them.
Are they the same girl or different ones?
If they re different then yes you need to find out what you have done wrong with these other 3 before you get into another. If they are the same girl, you still need to get yourself together before she comes back. You guys are having the same problem because the problem has not been solved.
But you can do as you please.
You might want to try growing up though. Your last comment was not only disrespectful it was unnecessary.
Go back and read all three of the threads you have posted, then you can see why I suggested you not date anyone until you get a better handle on yourself.

im not sure how to take homegirls advice. i can't just stay away from a relationship that i am in. am i supposed to tell her i shouldnt be in a relationship because homegirl said so on an internet message board? heres a cucumber for your mouth on your way out the door?[/QUOTE]

Remarks like the above just reinforce opinions of you not respecting women, all homegirl was doing was giving an opinion, you need to give us the facts, and with your apparent lack of fluency is it any wonder, with 3 threads is it on the go or were on the go, which girl is it you are asking for advice about.

am i supposed to tell her i shouldnt be in a relationship because homegirl said so on an internet message board?

Maybe not but perhaps you could tell her your getting advice so as to not repeat past mistakes, and your follow on comments directed at homegirl were totally uncalled for. You asked for help/advice if you don't agree with what's offered you can ignore it, being rude to a person offering that advice is unnecessary.
It also does make you appear to be disrespectful to females..

Sorry for the disrespect. tickle was responding sarcastically which turned this thread south. (1) the relationship from 2 years ago is dunzo. (2) the virgin was a rebound and is dunzo. (3) there was a woman that I dated off and on before the virgin that I was too interested in that still peaks my interest which is where this thread originated. (4) the other questions in this thread relate to other women from the past and present.

The meditation tapes have reprogrammed my thinking towards relationships and women. Tru teaches the "inner prom king" that women have secretly always wanted to find. The "i don't want her back, she wants me back, i just want to give her the green light" comment is because tru teaches that she wants me back, not that I want her back or at least the importance of talking this way.

Tru also talks about how women want a man not a guy. Men hunt, sweat, and talk dirty. Talking offensively is what draws women to bad boys and rock stars. My last comment in my previous post is what draws them towards me. Women appreciate men that can speak their mind without a censor.

Be honest with yourself. I think it is safe to say that women want a bad boy that they can turn good.

Apology accepted.
Women do not like vulgar and offensive men. Any woman who wants a disrespectful man does not respect herself.
If you are a nice guy, be a nice guy. Don't act like an azz-hole to attract a woman because you will find you are not attracting the kind of woman you really want. Nice guys attract nice women.

I don't know who this "tru" is but I disagree with his philosophy on women.

Women do not in my experience of being one for a few years now and also having girl friends throughout my life, want a man to be as you've described above.

They may tolerate it for a time but wouldn't want to take up with someone like that for the long term.

Women and men alike like to be shown respect, affection, thoughtfulness, compassion, consideration, and love.

Yes some of us may like talking dirty in the right place at the right time, ( the bedroom and in privacy of same) but I doubt very much many would like their man to talk offensively, that's usually reserved for when men get together with other men.

Ive been an advocate for positive thinking and striving to become the best me I can be for myself, and my family for many many years, and I would not be in agreement with your comment about women wanting a bad boy to turn good, women may want to experience some time with a bad boy, or some do, but anyone who wants to change another from being their true selves wouldn't want to make changes to their partners, and love and respect will always have the edge on being a bad boy. In my opinion

Women also respect an authentic man, one who has integrity.

Somewhat slightly different opinions to your "tru", I feel..
From a woman at that.

sorry for the disrespect. tickle was responding sarcastically which turned this thread south.

.

Hi Kyle. I have been scrolling back trying to find the post where you thought I was sarcastic. I apologize if you think I was, certainly didn't mean to appear that way.

Tick

To Op, the following was put together after a room full of women and young ladies were asked what they thought made up a great partner, each line is one of the women's thoughts..

What Makes A Great Partner

Attributes that make a Great Partner
Someone who knows what you need before you say it.
Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.
Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.
Someone that's there for you during the good and bad times.
Someone who is caring .
Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.
Someone who is honest.
Someone you can trust them like a sibling, confide in like a friend
But most of all, love as the great lover they are.
Someone who is open and responsive.
Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.
Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the relationship.
Someone who understands listening is a key,
But using what is heard is even more important.
Someone who's there for you no matter what.
Someone who is trustful.
Someone who is a friend.
Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.
Someone with a great sense of humor.
Someone who has things in common with you.
Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are
Doesn't try not to make you something else.
Someone with a constant open ear, open heart, and open mind
To accept and love people for who the really are.
Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument
And love you for everything that you are.
Someone that can get a point across without yelling.
Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.
Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have yourself,
But admire greatly in them.
Someone who realizes you're two separate people, and appreciates the differences.
Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.
Someone who understands PMS, is a real problem.
Someone who can make you happy when your sad.
Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear it.
Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.
Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.
Someone that you can laugh with.
Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don't care what kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still love you no matter what.
Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.
Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.
Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!
Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.
Someone who will respect you.
Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.
Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as though you are.
Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration.

I think our young friend will be okay once he discovers who he is, and what he wants, and figures out the best way to get it.

We all go through these experiences in our journey through life, and have to deal with reality, and not fiction.

New question. I am realizing that I am currently dating a woman as a rebound. I am now over my past relationship so what do I say to the new relationship?

Do I say that we don't have anything in common or be honest and say that I am over my ex now so I am ready to handle singlehood? We've been on seven dates together.

Is it socially acceptable to be in a relationship as a rebound?
She must understand that rebounds are necessary. Dating frequently with different women doesn't help rebound from a relationship. You need to date someone to develop enough emotion/enthusiasm for them to be move on from your ex.

What are your thoughts on rebound relationships?

You should have started a new question, and not added on to one that is already dealt with.

Tick

Seeing as you are back. You didn't address my question in post #43, whereby in post #40 you accused me of being sarcastic. Seeing as I apologized, if I was. I ask again, in which post do I appear to be sarcastic. Sorry, but it bothers me that I may have appeared that way.

Tick

To Op, the following was put together after a room full of women and young ladies were asked what they thought made up a great partner, each line is one of the womens thoughts..

What Makes A Great Partner

Attributes that make a Great Partner
Someone who knows what you need before you say it.
Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.
Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.
Someone that's there for you during the good and bad times.
Someone who is caring .
Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.
Someone who is honest.
Someone you can trust them like a sibling, confide in like a friend
but most of all, love as the great lover they are.
Someone who is open and responsive.
Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.
Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the relationship.
Someone who understands listening is a key,
but using what is heard is even more important.
Someone who's there for you no matter what.
Someone who is trustful.
Someone who is a friend.
Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.
Someone with a great sense of humor.
Someone who has things in common with you.
Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are
Doesnt try not to make you something else.
Someone with a constant open ear, open heart, and open mind
to accept and love people for who the really are.
Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument
and love you for everything that you are.
Someone that can get a point across without yelling.
Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.
Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have yourself,
but admire greatly in them.
Someone who realizes you're two separate people, and appreciates the differences.
Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.
Someone who understands PMS, is a real problem.
Someone who can make you happy when your sad.
Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear it.
Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.
Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.
Someone that you can laugh with.
Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don't care what kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still love you no matter what.
Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.
Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.
Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!
Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.
Someone who will respect you.
Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.
Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as though you are.
Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration.

This is the problem. The list for mr. right is too big! Women want too much. The list needs to have 2, maybe 3 wants. If the list said I want someone who is confident, good looking, and established, then we would know what to aim for. You put together a list of 40 items and a guy doesn't know where to begin! If I put together a list of 40 qualities and women put together a list of 40 qualities what are the odds that I will find the woman that has those 40 qualities and I will have the 40 qualities on her list? I say, narrow it down to 2 qualities and then maybe we will find each other.

Overall I think you have the right idea and if you love this woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her, then go for it; get down on your knees, give her a ring and you will find she turns instantly into the gibbering woman you want her to be.

ms tick

I took this as my ideas were crazy so I might as well get down on a knee and give her a ring.

she must understand that rebounds are neccessary. dating frequently with different women doesnt help rebound from a relationship. you need to date someone to develop enough emotion/enthusiasm for them to be move on from your ex.
what are your thoughts on rebound relationships?

HARSHNESS ALERT!

My thoughts and opinions on rebounds:

Rebound relationships are NOT necessary.

What you are describing is using someone like you would a tool that has no emotions. That is NOT socially acceptable. Acknowledging that you are using her and that she should 'understand' is almost like saying, 'I don't care that you have feelings mine are more important.'

Rebounds happen because the person doesn't take time to heal from the last relationship. He takes all of the baggage from the past and shoves it onto the next person expecting them to carry it for him.

Rebounds happen because the person has lost any respect for himself and other people that he might have had so, therefore, he can rationalize using another person for his own ends.

Getting out of a 'rebound' relationship thinking you are healed and jumping into another one just continues the cycle.

If you are dating a woman on the rebound does she know that's what you're doing?
That is the key.
Are you sure you're over the other woman, it hasn't been that long.
As long as the lady knows you are coming off a relationship and you're just dating around, you're being honest with her.
But you need to be honest with yourself. You don't use one person to get over another.

HARSHNESS ALERT!
My thoughts and opinions on rebounds:
See them coming and stay away from them by being honest with yourself( I need some attention to help this hole in my soul and this new girl wants to give it to me! Why shouldn't I take it because I want it?), and being honest with them( I need attention and she is willing to give it, but is it right to unload all my wants and needs on this stranger that THINKS I am normal, and happy to meet hers too!)

A proper healing avoids all that, and allows you to get over the exes, and have fun, WITHOUT PLAYING GAMES WITH Someone's HEAD. And that's the right thing to do. You just stay at a safe emotional distance as you heal, and stay honest with whomever by NOT leading them on and sucking all the life out of them.

After a break up, we are vulnerable, and needy, and selfish. Stay out of relationships until you are not.


Originally Posted by KyleS28
She must understand that rebounds are necessary.
You are assuming based on your own thinking as how would she know that? Did you ask her?

dating frequently with different women doesn't help rebound from a relationship.
Forget the rebounding, forget trying to replace what you had with another. That's crazy and selfish, and needy. Not to mention callous, and immature.

you need to date someone to develop enough emotion/enthusiasm for them to be move on from your ex.
You date for fun and friendship, as you get to know them. Not to replace what you lost with attention and sex, or just having some one. Dating is NOT a relationship, nor is it a commitment, nor is it a shot of feel good to fill the hole in your soul, it's a social interaction that allows you to take a break so you can recharge your batteries and be motivated to build a life that you enjoy.

When dating leads to a relationship, the rules change. Then its about whether you can build something together, or NOT.

Have to spread some rep talaniman but you are spot on once again!

Kyle
I think you may have misinterpreted why I posted the list of what women wanted or looked for in a partner, the list wasn't an accumalation of things all women wanted, the list was made up of 40 one line answers from those 40 women as to what they wanted singularily.

Many of the replies had same meaning, but were no way a list of attributes that all the women asked wanted collectively.

It was posted to show you that out of the women asked not one said she wanted a rough offensive speaking partner.

I think I am a lost cause. I gave dating a shot and it turned me into a mashed potato with sour cream without the potato.

i think i am a lost cause. i gave dating a shot and it turned me into a mashed potato with sour cream without the potato.




I wonder why?? :rolleyes:

You're not a lost cause, you have things to learn is all.
You have gone from one lady to the next without having an understanding about what went wrong with the previous one.
Deal with your issues and ideas about women, get over this last lady then you will be healthier for the next one.

i think i am a lost cause. i gave dating a shot and it turned me into a mashed potato with sour cream without the potato.

Kyle, I don't think anyone is a 'lost cause', least of all you. As Tal has said, you are still trying to discover what you want in a partner and relationship. You're confused.

I don't think you have given 'dating' a try. I think you have tried one type of relationship after another one. If you think about it, you might agree that you have been in a cycle of rebounds without realizing it.

Have you ever gone out with someone with no desire or expectation of having a second 'date'?

Get rid of the Tru tapes. Who ever made them is doing nothing more than making money and giving men everywhere a bad name.

I will let you know that a strong mature man does not feel the need to play mind games in a relationship. He is comfortable with being himself and that is what encourages people to want to get to know him.

Tal says it best about dating all kinds of women. Enjoy being single. Enjoy learning what qualities you like in women. Learn what in you brings those qualities out in them. Learn what you like about yourself and what in them brings out the best in you.

Thank you all. I appreciate the advice. I should take a break from relationships and enjoy dating. What if I don't know what went wrong in my past relationships? How can I contact my ex's to give me feedback?

I agree 1000%

I think some time single is in order.

Figure out who you are.

And don't call the ex's.

You don't have to ask an ex what went wrong, that would be her biased opinion, not that of all females. They are all different. That's why the secret of dating is having a great time with whomever you share the tome with and be yourself. That's the confidence so many of the ladies find attractive. That comes from within yourself, because you KNOW yourself. You don't have to impress them, just pay attention to them and you would be surprised how relaxed and comfortable they can be when you yourself are cool, calm, and collected, and confident.

What guys (and females) fail to realize it's a waste of time waiting for someone to make a decision about your future, when a man (or woman) that knows themselves and loves themselves makes their own decisions about what THEY are going to do for themselves.

That's why you can bow out gracefully and go NC, and move beyond the situation you are in, and keep your own dignity, and self respect, and be ready for whatever life throws at you. Because you know YOURSELF very well, and don't have to go through the trauma, and confusion of trying to figure out why you got dumped. You accept its over, and turn your focus elsewhere on other options, and opportunities, and never dwell on the other questions in the minds of an ex, because it doesn't matter one bit about why. What matters is what you do about it, because you know YOURSELF, and how to cope with YOUR feelings, NOT hers. Doesn't matter any more.

That's what dating is all about, not building a relationship, not trying to impress some one, but enjoying getting to know some one, and taking time to know them well. Then we can talk sex, relationships, or who shot John, and yeah, learning to control your lust, so you don't fall for, or get carried away by intense feelings. That's all about knowing yourself, and coping with your feelings. That's where confidence comes from, and those who have it can risk their hearts, and have a proper healing, and move on, rather quickly.

It takes a while to learn those life lessons(plenty of growing pains for sure) but once you figure yourself out, it's a whole new world. Practice makes perfect. Rejection (failure) is not a signal to quit on yourself. Just move beyond it to the next option.

There is always a next option, ALWAYS. Pay attention is all. Then you won't be distracted by BS!!


End of RANT!

I don't know what it's going to take for you to read and follow all the advice you've been given.

Grow Up and look around you at the people who have gone through a lot worse and have the guts to walk away and not look back... THAT IS CALLED NC.

Listen to & save Tal's last post.

That says it all.

Did it forget to say listen?

I meant listen, sorry.

Kyle, in all honesty you should memorize Tal s last post.

This is sad because the therapy is over. Tal summerized it so well! Now this thread will disappear to the back of the message board somewhere in obscurity. I'll miss this thread. A lot of great people and a lot of great advice. Tal summerized it so well! Thank you all.

this is sad because the therapy is over. tal summerized it so well! now this thread will disappear to the back of the message board somewhere in obscurity. i'll miss this thread. a lot of great people and a lot of great advice. tal summerized it so well! thank you all.

Kyle, there is more to this site than this thread. Puzzling out lyrics to songs or laughing at the latest version of an old joke can be great ways to just relax.

Good luck. :)

i took this as my ideas were crazy so i might as well get down on a knee and give her a ring. You were entirely wrong. I meant no such thing. You are too sensitive.

Tick

this is sad because the therapy is over. tal summerized it so well! now this thread will disappear to the back of the message board somewhere in obscurity. i'll miss this thread. a lot of great people and a lot of great advice. tal summerized it so well! thank you all.

Hi Kyle you can always bookmark this thread and refer to it from time to time, you won't lose the advice in it, it will always be available to you for future use of some kind. You could also print out what's in this thread. Or even highlight the parts you want to keep and then copy and paste them into a text file.

Good luck in your future relationships of any description.

Get yourself together Kyle and start caring about more than what feels good for the moment.

You could probably be a stand up guy with a positive attitude. Try it.

I'm dating a woman named sal and we're both moderately introverted and shy. I'm okay with our conversations being simple, but I am finding it difficult to get to know her. Sals feeling the same about me, finding it difficult to get to know me. Do relationships between two shy people work? I'm used to dating chatty women that talk too much and ask too many questions, so the conversation usually works. Do I need to become the extroverted, talkative person in the relationship or should I just date older women?

Suggest an activity where you have to work together as a team,an activity park with wall climbing or boating,something that requires talking and team work,then later something to eat and you can both chat away about the day.

As for dating older women,I don't see how that can make any difference, unless your experience with older women was that they were chatty.

Find some common ground with this other lady,music,sport etc.

With you both being so shy then it would be somewhat difficult to get into much by way of a conversation, do you know what her interests are, or her hobbies, aims dreams hopes, If so you could try sparking up a conversation about those things.

You could try asking simple one answer questions like does she like this or that.

No matter what though whilst you are both feeling shy it is going to be difficult to get into any deep meaningful conversations.

All you can do is keep trying and hopefully you'll hit upon a subject she's interested in or passionate about.

Its up to you if you want to persevere with this girl, I don't think aiming for older women will help you get to know this girl patience is what's needed, and in time you may break down her shyness barriers.

Kyle on your other threads I tjought you were going to wait awile before dating. What happened?

The ladies can't help themselves... I decided to date again.

Cheers

It takes time to get to know someone. Be patient. Try talking about yourselves to each other so that you get a better feel of each other's personalities.

Hope it works for you Kyle. Be Sweet.

i'm dating a woman named sal and we're both moderately introverted and shy. i'm okay with our conversations being simple, but i am finding it difficult to get to know her. sals feeling the same about me, finding it difficult to get to know me. do relationships between two shy people work? i'm used to dating chatty women that talk too much and ask too many questions, so the conversation usually works. do i need to become the extroverted, talkative person in the relationship or should i just date older women?

Talaniman Rule-Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall.18 -80, blind, cripple, or crazy.
Don't date one, date them all and then when you know them well, see how you feel. Until you know them well don't get so attached you can't get unattached. Honesty is upfront. Enjoy the process, but don't get hooked on it.

So... how long have you and the shy girl dated? How do you know each other? How did you meet? What things in common? etc.

More info...

so... how long have you and the shy girl dated? how do you know each other? how did you meet? what things in common? etc.

more info...

Read his other thread.;)

I tried before I posted... honestly, I'm just not all that vested in keeping track of all the noise... this thread set confuses me a little...

i tried before i posted... honestly, im just not all that vested in keeping track of all the noise... this thread set confuses me a little...





Same here !:rolleyes:

Maybe you should work on getting over the shyness enough to get to know this girl before you start looking elsewhere.
At least be totally honest with her and tell her you plan on dating other women if you do.

You may also talk to her about how the two of you can overcome the shyness. I think once you open up to each other the effect can snowball and give you more to talk about and learn about each other.

Any friendship or relationship based on honesty and mutual respect stands the absolute best chance of turning out well.

It doesn't matter how much you work on the shyness. The relationship won't work as long as you still think of her as a Rebound.


new question. i am realizing that i am currently dating a woman as a rebound. i am now over my past relationship so what do i say to the new relationship?

do i say that we don't have anything in common or be honest and say that i am over my ex now so i am ready to handle singlehood? we've been on seven dates together.

is it socially acceptable to be in a relationship as a rebound?
she must understand that rebounds are neccessary. dating frequently with different women doesnt help rebound from a relationship. you need to date someone to develop enough emotion/enthusiasm for them to be move on from your ex.

what are your thoughts on rebound relationships?

How you perceive the relationship will affect how shy you are in it. If you aren't comfortable, then you aren't going to feel as open as you would be if you felt better about it.

Ungh.

Methinks its time to unsubscribe from this thread.

No patience for this kind of noise.

What? You want to connect with this girl or you want to sever the relationship?

I don't know. Don't care.

Out for the long haul.

You can really tell when someone wanders aimlessly from one person to another, that they are looking for something outside themselves to feel good about themselves. Those people spend a lot of time looking for something that can only be found within them. Looking for love in all the wrong places makes it awfully hard to find.

When you find what you need from within, then you will have something to share. And you won't have to figure so hard how to connect with others, on many levels.

Warning, another rant coming



Talaniman Rule-Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall.18 -80, blind, cripple, or crazy.


martinizing2 agrees : Date 'em all but not at the same time I would add

Just to explain my position on this. I have never been one to get attached to quickly, or committed to fast, and enjoyed making a variety of friends, and getting to know them.

As far as females go, (as I am a dude!), this worked well for me, and kept things in a good healthy balance as the romance can wait until you are sure that you know who your getting so deeply involved in. Sure there were many woman who could not wrap their head around the idea of a dude that dates so many at once, and a few that thought I was being a player, but so what? Why commit to being exclusive after a few dates? Makes no sense to me.

Plus I was having a good time with FRIENDS, so why stop when you make new ones? Why not keep all my options and opportunities open to myself? That was my thinking, and that's how I enjoyed my single life, and it was great. Never lead any one on, or forced them to be a friend, and never had to lie about what, and why, I was doing my own thing.

So to be clear, the point is to be honest about what you do, and be honest with the people you do it with. Even though when you do take things to the next level, and get dumped, you already have a life that you enjoy without them, to go back to. Break ups suck, no doubt, but they are hardly the end of the world when you already know what adjustments you will make. It helps when you don't lose yourself in the process of getting with someone else.

Be yourself, and enjoy yourself, and share that with whomever you meet, and let love and romance grow where, and when it will, on its own. Maybe the confusion is the expectations you have with dating, or what it means to you. For me it was just sharing a good time with a cool person, and not the first step to love, romance, or relief of lust. Maybe that's why I had such a great time and that's how I met all my exes, and even my wife who ended my good time... er... I mean CHANGED IT, TO WHAT IT IS now!

Hope that clears things up a bit.

End of rant

Sorry Talaniman have to spread the rep

Why the need for a relationship, isn't this kind of like leading a girl on, you haven't healed or moved on fully from all the others you've told us about yet, so what are you wondering about this escapade for, its not going to work, and no relationship you embark upon will until you take time out and put all the other escapades to rest, and stop being on the rebound.

You're not being fair to these girls, if you're going to be a player, be one but be an honest one and don't lead girls into thinking you're in it for real or the long haul when you're not.

Don't be a player pretending to be a nice guy, it'll come back to haunt you.
If you're real and honest women will accept that, its when they feel you've deceived them they won't like it..

You hardly come over as shy to my mind, you're a bed hopper yes, and that isn't something a shy person indulges in. I think its another cover for the real issues you may have, and an inability to form lasting relationships usually comes from low self esteem.

Pretty soon any self respecting female is going to give you a wide berth because you'll become known as a user, and you'll find only the dregs will give you the time of the day. You'll be faced with a string of lost opportunities.

You have been warned...

sorry Talaniman have to spread the rep

Why the need for a relationship, isnt this kind of like leading a girl on, you havent healed or moved on fully from all the others youve told us about yet, so what are you wondering about this escapade for, its not going to work, and no relationship you embark upon will until you take time out and put all the other escapades to rest, and stop being on the rebound.

Youre not being fair to these girls, if youre going to be a player, be one but be an honest one and dont lead girls into thinking youre in it for real or the long haul when youre not.

Dont be a player pretending to be a nice guy, itll come back to haunt you.
If youre real and honest women will accept that, its when they feel youve deceived them they wont like it..

You hardly come over as shy to my mind, youre a bed hopper yes, and that isnt something a shy person indulges in. I think its another cover for the real issues you may have, and an inability to form lasting relationships usually comes from low self esteem.

Pretty soon any self respecting female is going to give you a wide berth because youll become known as a user, and youll find only the dregs will give you the time of the day. Youll be faced with a string of lost opportunities.

You have been warned....

Thanks for the reply tal. Great advice! I should mention to positiveparent that I live in the city, not out in the fields. I'm not going to a dinner party solo with a bunch of couples reminding me of my singlehood. That doesn't sound like healing to me. Relationships are everywhere. Am I going to hang out at the bar scene until I am healed? My right arm gets a little catty without a woman to hold. Don't they say love cures all things? Then why am I straying from love? And there is no bed hopping for me because everything takes place in my bed though sometimes we play frogger under the sheets.

Kyle dating is one thing and I agree with you but you don't need a relationship to date. LOL like the comment about frogger under the sheets. Now Im curious what's frogger LOL.

I also agree get out there and live its what life is for after all.

thanks for the reply tal. great advice! i should mention to positiveparent that i live in the city, not out in the fields. i'm not going to a dinner party solo with a bunch of couples reminding me of my singlehood. that doesnt sound like healing to me. relationships are everywhere. am i going to hang out at the bar seen until i am healed? my right arm gets a little catty without a woman to hold. dont they say love cures all things? then why am i straying from love? and there is no bed hopping for me because everything takes place in my bed though sometimes we play frogger under the sheets.

I think your caviler attitude is beyond inappropriate. We try to help and you come back with this. A bar is the last place you need to be. Who wants to play "FROGGER" with a drunk? I don't think you have anything to worry about though. Nobody likes a crying "poor little me" drunk.

I apologize for my caviler attitude. I don't like paying 89 cents for 4 chocolate covered waffers but I'm not criticizing you. I'm listening to the advice, soaking it in, and taking up new hobbies as suggested. I like tals comments about dating to get to know cool people and not always for romance. Kind of like buying bananas to look at instead of eat, but I can get used to that.

Frogger's not hard to play. One person is the alligator and can only move right to left and the other person is frogger and can move in any direction (as long as they're hopping) but backwards. Time limit and music are optional.

Just a heads up. I am currently nc with three women and one of thems birthday is coming up. We are Facebook friends. Do I post happy birthday on her wall?

No contact. The answer is always no contact when the idea is to stop all contact.

You should be getting the idea with three on going instances. The answer is always no contact.

Imagine that they don't even exsist.

So you are ending three relationships , working on another with a shy girl, and looking to start dating a more diverse cross section of women?

Is this correct?

just a heads up. i am currently nc with three women and one of thems birthday is coming up. we are facebook friends. do i post happy birthday on her wall?

No Contact includes NOT looking at her Facebook page. Even if she doesn't know about it, you are keeping contact with her at the front of your mind and not allowing yourself to heal and move on.

No contact. The answer is always no contact when the idea is to stop all contact.

You should be getting the idea with three on going instances. The answer is always no contact.

Imagine that they don't even exsist.

So you are ending three relationships , working on another with a shy girl, and looking to start dating a more diverse cross section of women?

Is this correct?

the confusing thing about nc is I don't know when nc ends? I don't know if I 'am' nc with three women or 'were' nc with three women? I've already been healed so does the song and dance continue? A little happy birthday shows no hard feelings right? My birthday is around the corner and I would want a happy birthday from them.


No Contact includes NOT looking at her Facebook page. Even if she doesn't know about it, you are keeping contact with her at the front of your mind and not allowing yourself to heal and move on.

if I don't look at their Facebook page, how am I going to 'randomly' bump into them in public?

Still trying to manipulate the situation to fit your own agenda. That's what I see. The sign that you are healed is what you do about other areas in your life and you would be to busy doing your own thing to accidentally bump into them.

Saying your healed, and actually being healed are to different things.

If you still need attention from them, then you stick with NC until you don't or your mindset has changed. As of now it has not, but you think you can take the advice you have been given and juggle three woman on your string, for your own purposes.

Where is the balance?

If you aren't sure if NC is over or not. Then it's not.

Be sure beyond a shadow of a doubt. When you are that confidant. Mark the calendar and continue nc for two years and repeat the process.

I've been dating this girl that has been acting really weird. Today, I told her on the phone that I needed to head over to the library. On my way there she jumps out of a tree, hugs me, and wants to get all pda with me. What is someone in their 20s doing hiding up in a tree? This is the second time in the past two weeks this has happened, but she may have been hiding behind a bush or something the first time.

She is so weird. Is this behavior inspired by a book or movie or something? I don't get where this is coming from? Is this supposed to be romantic or exciting? I hate these surprises. I told her to stop jumping out of them trees because I'm starting to get fed up with her, but I don't think it registered with her. One more tree and she will be searching for someone else.

What happened here?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/shes-shy-im-shy-gonna-work-485070.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/if-you-show-woman-too-much-attention-478473.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-lost-romantic-interest-me-476186.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/virgin-wants-break-because-we-were-too-physical-471218.html

I think you need help. You sound like you're making this up. Either that or your dating a monkey.

What happened here?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/shes-shy-im-shy-gonna-work-485070.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/if-you-show-woman-too-much-attention-478473.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-lost-romantic-interest-me-476186.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/virgin-wants-break-because-we-were-too-physical-471218.html

This is about sal. She is hard to communicate with and the more comfortable she gets around me the weirder she is. I don't think she's dated much. She over analyzes everything and her weird clothing is now matching her behavior.

this is about sal. she is hard to communicate with and the more comfortable she gets around me the weirder she is. i dont think shes dated much. she over analyzes everything and her weird clothing is now matching her behavior.

Your perfect match... congratulations!:)

What the , lol

Maybe she is taking something. That sounds strange to me.
A couple of weeks ago she was shy and introverted. What happened?

Maybe she is taking something. That sounds strange to me.
A couple of weeks ago she was shy and introverted. What happened?

She's drinking Red Bull and taking vitamins. :rolleyes:

Sounds to me this girls got a sense of fun, wheres yours gone, I think its really fun that she would do such a thing, she's obviously playful and adventurous.

If she sat around twiddling her thumbs you would complain about that saying she is boring she's got no sense of fun or adventure.

Wheres your sense of adventure and fun. Seems no matter what a girl does with or for you its never going to be enough or how you're expecting her to be.

Methinks its something to do with forever dating girls on the rebound, perhaps yes. Could just be..

Chill out have some fun.

Is this the shy one,
Or mk1 mk2 mk3 miss rebound 2010

If you think she's weird, why are you still dating her? Sounds like a bad match.

Let someone else appreciate her weirdness!

Sounds to me this girls got a sense of fun, wheres yours gone, I think its really fun that she would do such a thing, shes obviously playful and adventurous.

If she sat around twiddling her thumbs you would complain about that saying she is boring shes got no sense of fun or adventure.

Wheres your sense of adventure and fun. Seems no matter what a girl does with or for you its never going to be enough or how youre expecting her to be.

Methinks its something to do with forever dating girls on the rebound, perhaps yes. could just be..

Chill out have some fun.

Is this the shy one,
or mk1 mk2 mk3 miss rebound 2010

Have to spread some rep, but you're on it, positiveperent

Starting to understand why you find out who your dealing with before you give them a title?

Its totally wrong of you to name her weird, for all you know it is you that's weird you do seem to be obsessing over one girl after another.

Why not take them at face value instead you seem to be hell bent on finding fault with one then another then another.

Relax be yourself you've nothing to prove, or if you do its in your own mind, if you can't find anything good to say about these rebounds of yours then say nothing,

What gives you the right to call her weird, or say she dresses weird, she was OK for you last weekend when you posted your shy girl shy boy thread.

Seems she's found her confidence too, maybe that's what's narked you...

Try looking at yourself before you pass judgement on someone,.

You'll probably find your answer then...

1 girls weird or whatever, yes believable,
2 girls not up to scratch suspect its you..
3 girls not up to your ideals, then its not them its you.

can you see the pattern...

Are you still conducting these liasions according to "trus" philosophy??

If so then maybe that's where you're going about it wrong, or skewed. Be you and let the girls you date be themselves at same time, don't look for faults, unless you're looking inward to yourself.

I feel sorry for all these young girls, being as good as innocently baited hooked reeled in and thrown back out...

I think you need to leave the ladies alone for a while. Work on yourself.
You are a hard person to please, you need to explore why that is so.

Have to spread rep. Homegirl I agree with that totally, he does need to give up with the girls for now at least, he's leaving a trail of heart break behind him, and to me that's basically cruel, these girls haven't done him any harm...

Kyle you need to sit up and be counted..

I think Kyle would like everyone to think he is a heart breaker. I don't believe it.

I also don't believe this story about a girl jumping out of a tree.
He is seeking attention. Reading all his other threads tend to make me believe he's not being truthful about these relationships.

I know I will get a lot of disagrees, but this is how I feel. I'm not feeding the troll anymore.

Kyle the only thing that's going to grow is your nose LOL. No other area...

My 4 year old would say you a porkin piers LOL..

Kyle the only thing thats going to grow is your nose LOL. no other area...

my 4 year old would say you a porkin piers LOL..

That's hiliarious... LOL:D

What have I done to deserve this attack? So a grown woman climbing up a tree, waiting for me to pass, and then jumping out of the tree to surprise me isn't a little strange? That's normal behavior? I'm not looking for faults. I just recognize weird behavior. Also, just because sal jumps out of trees doesn't make her extraverted. She is still as shy as before. Just becoming weirder.

This isn't about image. This is about character. I don't care if people label me as a heart breaker. I want advice that will help me improve my relationships and my character.

what have i done to deserve this attack? so a grown woman climbing up a tree, waiting for me to pass, and then jumping out of the tree to surprise me isnt a little strange? thats normal behavior? im not looking for faults. i just recognize weird behavior. also, just because sal jumps out of trees doesnt make her extraverted. she is still as shy as before. just becoming weirder.

this isnt about image. this is about character. i dont care if people label me as a heart breaker. i want advice that will help me improve my relationships and my character.



Stop making up stories and be a grown up. Trust me.. you're no heartbreaker.

Kyle this girls behaviour wasn't weird your reaction to it was, Im a lot older than both you and this girl and yet if I pass a swing park Ill go right on over to the swings and swing away, and I also get my husband to push me, its called letting your inner child out to play, its also not taking oneself too seriously.

Its good to be child or act young and carefree again. Its not weird, Its fun.
Fun is a vital ingredient in living a happy life, lose the fun element and you'll be old before your time..

We advised you last week and the week before that, and Ill do same now, go NC, and get over the hurt you're harbouring, deal with the issues you're trying to camouflage behind a blasé front.

If you don't you'll have mere meaningless and empty liasions because it won't disappear, it will mutate,or morph into something more harmful and toxic that you could believe possible.

what have i done to deserve this attack? so a grown woman climbing up a tree, waiting for me to pass, and then jumping out of the tree to surprise me isnt a little strange? thats normal behavior? im not looking for faults. i just recognize weird behavior. also, just because sal jumps out of trees doesnt make her extraverted. she is still as shy as before. just becoming weirder.

this isnt about image. this is about character. i dont care if people label me as a heart breaker. i want advice that will help me improve my relationships and my character.

You have been given good sound advice on relationships and character,that is evident in several of your threads.

Why you have chosen to ignore it,only you know the answer to that one.

So she's a little different,I like different,if she's not for you,move on.

Huge bravo!

you have been given good sound advice on relationships and charactor,that is evident in several of your threads.

why you have chosen to ignore it,only you know the answer to that one.

so shes a little differant,i like differant,if shes not for you,move on.

Do you really look like your avatar picture? If you do, how about meeting for coffee? Do you jump out of trees?

If you think this girl is too weird for you. Leave her alone. It's that simple.
You're not a teenager. You don't need to be with just anybody to be with somebody.
You have gone through how many girls in a few months? There is always something wrong with them.
Just chill for a while.

Kyle: you're a Tart, no more no less I hope you're being sensible about protection, obviously you think you're something special, maybe to your Mom if no one else you are but its not clever making remarks such as those in the above. Post.

Kyle: youre a Tart, no more no less I hope youre being sensible about protection, obviously you think youre something special, maybe to your Mom if no one else you are but its not clever making remarks such as those in the above. post.


Just to show you that I know my stuff, heres my real photo, I play on the swings , Im not weird, Im fun loving though .

The difference is you look like you play on swings. I would expect that after meeting you. I want sal to open up and communicate. I didn't realize she would express herself with bizarre behavior. I feel misled.

Its kind of like being invited to a bbq with the impression that there will be chicken and steak and instead I end up getting garden burgers. I feel misled. With you, I know I know I'm getting garden burgers.

Actually with me you'd be the garden burgers, whatever they are.

You haven't been misled you only met this girl a week ago, and already your speaking of her in derogatory terms.

Also with me Id have thrown you in the pool by now along with my sons aged 13 and 4..

So long Kyle you're obviously some kind of lost cause, I and many here have tried many ways to help you and given you sound and sensible advice, you fail to take that advice, so on your own head be it, you're the architect of you're own downfall.

Enjoy the negative you're surely going to be left with toodaloo...

You may think you're clever, my how blind can you be. Enjoy your games in the playground...

I actually wonder if that's where you are. Because you're not mature enough to be an adult, and not sophisticated enough to be a man about town.

the difference is you look like you play on swings. i would expect that after meeting you. i want Sal to open up and communicate. i didn't realize she would express herself with bizarre behavior. i feel misled.

its kind of like being invited to a bbq with the impression that there will be chicken and steak and instead i end up getting garden burgers. i feel misled. with you, i know i know im getting garden burgers.
What do you mean you felt misled. How long have you known her?
Maybe she feels misled. You wanted her to open up and communicate and when she does, you're criticizing. What nerve!
She is not to your liking then move on, but don't make her feel like there is something wrong with her.
You need to stop hopping from pillar to post looking for Miss Perfect. She does not exist anymore than Mr. Perfect does.

I want advice that will help me improve my relationships and my character.
Work on your character, and stop trying to have a relationship. That's the whole point of dating. Your going about this backward, your jumping from one girl to another expecting to build something over night with a perfect stranger, that you find faults with I might add. Just as the ladies here are rejecting your notions of love, and romance, so will any female you judge, as evident by your past 3 failures, and blame it on them.

Realizing your own responsibility in these failures is all about character, that you have so far failed to show, which is at the heart of your problem, because they can't all be flawed as you say. If you had character, you could enjoy all of them, without getting carried away by this relationship idea that you put before all else, that is common sense.

Put your character ahead of your needs, and you will learn a lot about yourself, and be able to make adjustments, and better decisions, based on the facts, and not your feelings that are telling you to start a relationship, instead of taking the time to let it develop.

Until you work on your character, your relationship attempts will fail, and you will miss the very enjoyable part of a relationship, making female friends, not for love and romance, but because they are fun.

Kyle.. stay on the porch with the puppies. You "ain't" ready to run with the big dogs.

Everyone wants to gang up on the popular kid. I role with the big dogs all the time.

Then I suggest you listen to the big dogs telling you how we roll, and get with the progam.

everyone wants to gang up on the popular kid. i role with the big dogs all the time.

You got that right you are a kid and it shows in your immaturity. One day you'll realise its NOT all about you, if you can't be bothered to help yourself then expect to fail.

Also don't fool yourself you're not the popular kid, you're full of yourself and one fine day you'll find you'll get that knocked out of you, remember this when you fall, because you will.

Ive got a 13 year old whose got more common sense than you're showing.

OOOOPPPPS forgot to change my rating on your post it should have been a disagree, not an agree, oh well...

Nobody wants to gang up on you.
You come here with a problem (several of them) you get advice and you don't want to take it. You're "but I, but she" instead of listening.
All of these young women are not the problem, the problem is how you approach every woman you go out with. You want them to be everything you want them to be and when they are not, you put the blame on them.
No woman is going to be everything you want her to be. You need to ask yourself why you expect so much from women and have no such expectations for yourself.
Instead of taking your time to get to know a woman, you've been hoping from one to another and never examining issues with yourself.

I'm 24, and if my girlfriend jumped out of a tree to surprise me, I'd be... happy to see her? I don't know. It's unusual, I know, to be happy to see the woman I'm dating, but hey, that's just me.

everyone wants to gang up on the popular kid. i role with the big dogs all the time.

... no one gangs up on the popular kid. They usually gang up on the kid who's in high school and picks his nose in public and eats crayons during class.

You are about as popular with women as a toothache.

Stop playing games and either tell the truth or find some other place to play around.

You are about as popular with women as a toothache.

Stop playing games and either tell the truth or find some other place to play around.

LO I like that hehe.

Kyle you really would be doing yourself a favour if you were to take in some of the advice you've been offered, its all well intentioned and for your own benefit.

Once again I appreciate the advice I have been given. Some people obviously are single parents who despise men for having high expectations. I don't blame them for disliking me. Its not about finding flaws. I am looking for a women with real depth.

A woman that thinks she's deep because she has a child isn't the same as a woman who is passionate about her humanitarian experiences.

Don't let my perspective bring you down. Keep shopping at walmart and you will meet a guy that will accept you.

once again i appreciate the advice i have been given. some people obviously are single parents who despise men for having high expectations. i don't blame them for disliking me. its not about finding flaws. i am looking for a women with real depth.

a woman that thinks shes deep because she has a child isnt the same as a woman who is passionate about her humanitarian experiences.

don't let my perspective bring you down. keep shopping at walmart and you will meet a guy that will accept you.

Now that was just childish. To assume the women here giving you advice are single parents who shop at walmart is, I don't know. Maybe you are just striking back.
I am not a single mom. My daughter is an adult and I have no problem with men accepting me and I have high standards. I do realize that people are not perfect and just because a man is different that does not mean something is wrong with him. He is just not the one for me. That is what maturity teaches for you.

How do you know these women you have dated do not have depth? (or the ones giving you advice for that matter) You don't stay with them long enough. The minute one does something you think is different you become critical.
Your biggest problem here is that you are not very serious. You make jokes, you pop up with hypothetical scenarios so no one knows if you are serious or not.
So is this last girl real?
If she is too weird for you, leave her alone.

Now that was just childish. To assume the women here giving you advice are single parents who shop at walmart is, I don't know. Maybe you are just striking back.
I am not a single mom. My daughter is an adult and I have no problem with men accepting me and I have high standards. I do realize that people are not perfect and just because a man is different that does not mean something is wrong with him. He is just not the one for me. That is what maturity teaches for you.

How do you know these women you have dated do not have depth? (or the ones giving you advice for that matter) You don't stay with them long enough. The minute one does something you think is different you become critical.
Your biggest problem here is that you are not very serious. You make jokes, you pop up with hypothetical scenarios so no one knows if you are serious or not.
So is this last girl real?
If she is too weird for you, leave her alone.

I haven't had a girlfriend since I was in middle school. I just want to make sure I know what to do once I have girlfriends. The girl jumping out of a tree is real but she isn't my girlfriend yet. I want a girlfriend but this one probably isn't the best choice.

Who was the girl you were with last month. You said you had been with her for a while.
You just be yourself, be considerate, don't expect anymore of them than you expect from yourself.
Relax, get to know her.

Im not a single parent and nor do I shop in walmart, I have 3 wonderful sons one of whom is married to a beautiful italian girl, my husband owns his own company, and I know I am very passionate about certain aspects of my life and my role in this world.

Regardless there is nothing wrong with single parents who do shop at walmart, you have no right to judge another whatever they are or wherever they shop.

So Kyle if you say you haven't had a g/f since middle school, then that means you've come to this site asking for advice and created stories of so say g/f`s in order to get advice, not exactly deep or ethical of you to do that.

You won't get the advice you want if you haven't experienced the stories you've told us.

Here's a little bit of advice for you,

Always but always be honest, above and beyond anything else, being honest you need no memory being honest will pass the test of time, being honest you dont need to look over your shoulder, being honest will take you far in life and brings its own rewards, its also the best policy, people respect honesty, even when it hurts.

When you're not honest you're insulting another persons intelligence and showing yourself as being of an inferior intellect.

once again i appreciate the advice i have been given. some people obviously are single parents who despise men for having high expectations. i dont blame them for disliking me. its not about finding flaws. i am looking for a women with real depth.

a woman that thinks shes deep because she has a child isnt the same as a woman who is passionate about her humanitarian experiences.

dont let my perspective bring you down. keep shopping at walmart and you will meet a guy that will accept you.

Well until you learn to be honest and how to accept people for what they are then you are going to find yourself on the outside looking in for a few more years.
You show no real character or any quality traits you come here tell us a pack of lies try to insult the advisors, and think your something special, boy have you got a lot to learn, if you were my son Id put you over my knee and tan your hide till you couldn't sit down. Then again if you were my son you'd already be well mannered and polite so it wouldn't be necessary.

Grow up Kyle.

I'm beginning to wonder how old he is.

Sorry homegirl have to spread the rep again!!

I agree with you I too wonder how old he is I would think roughly mid teens, he's not in my opinion anywhere near a mature adult...

Ive a 13 year old son who is more mature and has more common sense and integrity.

Sorry homegirl have to spread the rep again!!!!

I agree with you I too wonder how old he is I would think roughly mid teens, hes not in my opinion anywhere near a mature adult...

Ive a 13 year old son who is more mature and has more common sense and integrity.



I'm beginning to wonder if he's an earthling!

Do we really need the insults and personal attacks. Having differing opinions is one thing. To personalize things is another.

That usually means it has gone beyond constructive, or instructive, and needs to be closed. So without further ado..!