zanetsuken
May 16, 2010, 10:55 AM
Hi everybody.
I have a sort of weird situation with my ex. We broke up about 3 weeks ago and at this point I need some advice. I'll give you some background info explain the situation so far.
Background
We are both college students. We met at the beginning of the school year and were dating by October. She is from Japan and I'm from New York. She has a lot of bad experiences in her past and thought that she would always have a sad life.
The Situation
We have dated for about 7-8 months and in my opinion everything was perfect. I was so happy with her and she seemed happy with me. In the 8 months we dated there were only 2 arguments that we had. One was about how she wanted to go and drink with her friends. I don't have a problem with her being with her friends, but the parties she would go to are exclusively for japanese people. If you aren't japanese, you're not welcome. I was OK with that too, but a lot of scary things happened and out of concern I said I don't want you to go to those parties because I can't protect you from a bad situation. The other argument was about the same type of thing. I made the mistake of saying, "Let's just not talk about it" because arguments are what destroyed my last relationship. We went on and everything seemed OK between us, but I guess it wasn't really.
On April 23rd she asked me to break up after we went to a party together. I couldn't stay very long because I had to work that night. I was stressed out that I couldn't be there with her and I asked her if she could come hang out with me for the night. I was a mess and I went to her room a few days and apologized to her. I told her that I cared about us and I would improve myself and change. At that point I realized that with a little bit of work we could be perfect together.
We had contact off and on for a little while. We were still going to get an apartment for the summer and just live there separately. But having contact was only reminding her that we broke up and she said if I stay with you over the summer I will get back together with you and things won't change. So that night she bought a plane ticket to Japan. We talked a little bit, and she decided that we should have no contact until the next school year in 3 months. I asked her if she could promise me one chance if I improved and she said yes.
After that we have been in very little contact. I went to a few parties where she went because we have mutual friends. I didn't talk to her more than anybody else and it was going well. A few days ago she left for japan and no contact has started for real. I deleted any way for her to contact me over the summer so I can focus on myself and make the changes that I think will make our relationship perfect.
I really hope things will work out for us because I love this girl and at one point in the relationship we were talking about getting married some day. I really could see myself with her for the rest of my life. At this point I'm studying japanese to become an english teacher in Japan.
My question is should I leave her a way to look into my life over the summer with my Facebook account, or should I really make it impossible to contact me until next semester. I just want to improve and hopefully become the person that can make her smile everyday. At the same time I don't want to cling to false hopes.
I have a sort of weird situation with my ex. We broke up about 3 weeks ago and at this point I need some advice. I'll give you some background info explain the situation so far.
Background
We are both college students. We met at the beginning of the school year and were dating by October. She is from Japan and I'm from New York. She has a lot of bad experiences in her past and thought that she would always have a sad life.
The Situation
We have dated for about 7-8 months and in my opinion everything was perfect. I was so happy with her and she seemed happy with me. In the 8 months we dated there were only 2 arguments that we had. One was about how she wanted to go and drink with her friends. I don't have a problem with her being with her friends, but the parties she would go to are exclusively for japanese people. If you aren't japanese, you're not welcome. I was OK with that too, but a lot of scary things happened and out of concern I said I don't want you to go to those parties because I can't protect you from a bad situation. The other argument was about the same type of thing. I made the mistake of saying, "Let's just not talk about it" because arguments are what destroyed my last relationship. We went on and everything seemed OK between us, but I guess it wasn't really.
On April 23rd she asked me to break up after we went to a party together. I couldn't stay very long because I had to work that night. I was stressed out that I couldn't be there with her and I asked her if she could come hang out with me for the night. I was a mess and I went to her room a few days and apologized to her. I told her that I cared about us and I would improve myself and change. At that point I realized that with a little bit of work we could be perfect together.
We had contact off and on for a little while. We were still going to get an apartment for the summer and just live there separately. But having contact was only reminding her that we broke up and she said if I stay with you over the summer I will get back together with you and things won't change. So that night she bought a plane ticket to Japan. We talked a little bit, and she decided that we should have no contact until the next school year in 3 months. I asked her if she could promise me one chance if I improved and she said yes.
After that we have been in very little contact. I went to a few parties where she went because we have mutual friends. I didn't talk to her more than anybody else and it was going well. A few days ago she left for japan and no contact has started for real. I deleted any way for her to contact me over the summer so I can focus on myself and make the changes that I think will make our relationship perfect.
I really hope things will work out for us because I love this girl and at one point in the relationship we were talking about getting married some day. I really could see myself with her for the rest of my life. At this point I'm studying japanese to become an english teacher in Japan.
My question is should I leave her a way to look into my life over the summer with my Facebook account, or should I really make it impossible to contact me until next semester. I just want to improve and hopefully become the person that can make her smile everyday. At the same time I don't want to cling to false hopes.