Hi everybody.

I have a sort of weird situation with my ex. We broke up about 3 weeks ago and at this point I need some advice. I'll give you some background info explain the situation so far.

Background
We are both college students. We met at the beginning of the school year and were dating by October. She is from Japan and I'm from New York. She has a lot of bad experiences in her past and thought that she would always have a sad life.

The Situation
We have dated for about 7-8 months and in my opinion everything was perfect. I was so happy with her and she seemed happy with me. In the 8 months we dated there were only 2 arguments that we had. One was about how she wanted to go and drink with her friends. I don't have a problem with her being with her friends, but the parties she would go to are exclusively for japanese people. If you aren't japanese, you're not welcome. I was OK with that too, but a lot of scary things happened and out of concern I said I don't want you to go to those parties because I can't protect you from a bad situation. The other argument was about the same type of thing. I made the mistake of saying, "Let's just not talk about it" because arguments are what destroyed my last relationship. We went on and everything seemed OK between us, but I guess it wasn't really.

On April 23rd she asked me to break up after we went to a party together. I couldn't stay very long because I had to work that night. I was stressed out that I couldn't be there with her and I asked her if she could come hang out with me for the night. I was a mess and I went to her room a few days and apologized to her. I told her that I cared about us and I would improve myself and change. At that point I realized that with a little bit of work we could be perfect together.

We had contact off and on for a little while. We were still going to get an apartment for the summer and just live there separately. But having contact was only reminding her that we broke up and she said if I stay with you over the summer I will get back together with you and things won't change. So that night she bought a plane ticket to Japan. We talked a little bit, and she decided that we should have no contact until the next school year in 3 months. I asked her if she could promise me one chance if I improved and she said yes.

After that we have been in very little contact. I went to a few parties where she went because we have mutual friends. I didn't talk to her more than anybody else and it was going well. A few days ago she left for japan and no contact has started for real. I deleted any way for her to contact me over the summer so I can focus on myself and make the changes that I think will make our relationship perfect.

I really hope things will work out for us because I love this girl and at one point in the relationship we were talking about getting married some day. I really could see myself with her for the rest of my life. At this point I'm studying japanese to become an english teacher in Japan.

My question is should I leave her a way to look into my life over the summer with my Facebook account, or should I really make it impossible to contact me until next semester. I just want to improve and hopefully become the person that can make her smile everyday. At the same time I don't want to cling to false hopes.

My friend, you are way to carried away by your feelings for someone that you have only known for a short time. She broke up with you, and wants no contact for 3 months. Geez, no telling how she will feel when she gets back, but if I were you I would be doing my own thing, and staying out of her business, and keeping her out of mine.

Maybe by living your own life, and enjoying it, you will have a better perspective, and attitude when, and if, you do see her again.

For now, don't play the false hope, or high hopes game with yourself, by being in limbo waiting for her return. She is doing her thing, and you need to do yours, as if she will never be back.

Eliminate all evidence of her from your life, so YOU can get your own head together.

Doesn't matter what she does.

Yea I agree with that. As of 2 days ago I deleted everything she could use to look into my life and blocked her from contacting me at all. I dropped off earth and she literally has no way to contact me at all. I will keep it that way all summer. I have a lot of plans I'm working on for my career and setting up my life.

In comparison to the other relationships (4 years and 2 years) that I've been in I really enjoyed every minute this one. I've been blinded by being close to the situation before and I stepped back and looked at the problems. When I did that it would make it easier to just move on. But in this case I only have good memories and no resentment for anything. Even during the break up there was nothing that she did that hurt me. At this point in my life I am looking for somebody to settle down with, and even though we lived together for only 8 months everything seemed perfect.

With the work I'll be doing in the summer I won't meet anybody that's female, so I'm going to focus on building good friendships. I guess my main question is will having no contact and forcing her to have no means to contact me until next year be a good thing or a damaging thing. Next semester we work in the same place 15 hours a week and have a few classes together. It was set up before this all happened.

will having no contact and forcing her to have no means to contact me until next year be a good thing or a damaging thing.
I'll pretend you didn't ask that. (You still don't "get it" with the No Contact?)

Next semester we work in the same place 15 hours a week and have a few classes together. It was set up before this all happened.
Change the workplace and the classes. Now.

I think having NC with her for that length of time will be a really good thing.

The thing is that you need to focus on getting over her -Don't anxiously await her return in hope of getting back together because it may not happen at all.

Guys don't look to settle down!! We go along our own merry way, doing our thing, until the right female can "capture" us and convince us, to give up our freedom. :eek:

Don't sell your freedom cheap!! :D And never give it away!! :p No Contact is what you need.