I just completed graduate school and now throwing myself a party. However, before I get into that, I need to explain the back story regarding my guest list. Ok…about 10 years ago, my parents split up due to infidelity. They were both unfaithful to one another, but my father will never admit his wrong doings. When he was caught cheating by some of the neighbors, prior to my mother cheating, they kept it to themselves until they all noticed the fighting in the house and said something to my mother. He was physically abusive to my mother and the neighbors only spoke out when they noticed physical violence in the house. My father likes to play the victim and wants people to feel bad for him. As a result of this, he no longer liked the neighbors, not so much for them confronting my mother, but due to them ruining his image as the victim. He states that “they all got together and made up lies about me.”

Fast forward 10 years now. I am now throwing myself a party that I am paying for. I am inviting those neighbors that I am close with who have been very good to me throughout the last 10 years. I am very close to them and their families, and they are very close to mine (minus my father). I really want this to be an occasion where everyone can get together and have a good time. Now, when I mentioned to my father that I am having a party, he asked who I was inviting. I told him who was on the guest list. He then got all upset and said that I was disrespecting him for inviting the people that made up lies about him. I told him that whatever happened between him and my mother has nothing to do with me. I also said that I should be able to invite whomever I want since this is my party that I am paying for.

Keep in mind that this happened a decade ago, and the only one still holding this grudge is my father. I feel he is wrong for trying to control who I can and cannot have at MY party. I received emails from his sister, which is my aunt, asking me if I could just have the family at this party. She completely disregarded my side of the story when explaining everything to her, and insisted that my father felt disrespected because he was snubbed by the neighbors. Am I doing anything wrong here? All I want is to have something nice for myself, and I feel that my father is taking something I worked very hard for and making it all about him.

Congrats on finishing Grad school. You are right this is your party and you should invite who you want. I would tell your dad the guest list is not changing and if he feels uncomfortable coming then you will miss him. It is your celebration!! Same goes for the aunt. If they want to host a family only party then they can. This party is yours. Enjoy yourself.

If you dad still holds a grudge against his neighbours after 10 years, he's not likely to go along with ANY changes that don't include doing everything HIS way. If you allow him to control the guest list, it will be a small victory of revenge for him. Don't let him do this to you.

This is your party, your money, your celebration, your guest list, your life. It's not up for debate, period.

Let him know he's invited, but do not accept any grief from him over ancient history.

He can choose to come to the party, or he can choose to carry on like a big baby, stuck in the past.

Don't let him ruin what will otherwise be a very wonderful moment in your life, and even more so becaue you are kind and thoughtful enough to inivite those that helped you along your journey.

Congratulations to you, enjoy your party!

Keep in mind that my parents are divorced. So he has not had any dealings with any of the neighbors, nor seen them in 10 years.