Hi, I'm a 28 year old woman and still a virgin. I decided to wait due to my religious beliefs. Also when I was younger, I was scared about sex. When I was 21 I had this amazing boyfriend 6 years older and with love and patience, he helped me to overcome my fears, however the relationship ended before we could have sex. Then I realized that I really wanted sex, but again, my faith stopped me.
For the next years I was really proud of my decision. Now it’s exactly all the way around. I’m sick of that sh… that I’m going to burn in hell just, for what? For live my life? Come on! There are worst thing in the world. I’m a good person.

Now the problem is my age. I’m getting old, I really, really regret not losing my virginity when I have the chance 7 years ago. How could I be so idiot of wasting my life and my youth? In 15 year I’m going to be menopausal.

I’m intellectual, nice and beautiful (but not as stunning as I used to be), so there always be guys who want to be with me. The problem is that, for a while I was honest about my virginity, this makes they immediately started to look at me as a sort of challenge. I have feeling, for Christ sake! I’m not the pretty new girl to be taken. This really piss me off, so I leaned to keep my mouth shut.

I meet somebody on the web that seems to be good. He wants to come to meet me. I’ve made up my mind, if I have the chance I’ll take it. However I don’t want him to discover the true. I didn’t lie to him, I just said that I had little experience.
I don’t want to be seen as a weirdo, and of course be treated again like a challenge. I don’t care if he seems real, I don’t trust in anyone, and I know that nobody of my age is going to be as loving and patient as that boyfriend of my past was. Now I’m a 28 year old freak.
I think that may be I should have sex with one of those virgin guys on the web that wants to find somebody for sex. That way I won’t feel at disadvantage. Or Should I wait for this guy I like and hide him the true? But, what can I do to hide the true from him? What he would think if I bleed? I’m really afraid of be busted.

I really don’t know what to do.

Using somebody for sex will not help you feel good about yourself. You are still young as far as age goes.

Something to keep in mind when you look at men your age, the man you almost gave your virginity to seven years ago was approximately the age you are now. Kind and caring men are out there. It is just a challenge to find the right one for you.

IF you like this guy and there is a good relationship going, be honest with him. Talk with him before you get anywhere close to having sex. Share your concerns and hopes. Listen to his. The last thing you want for your first time is a complete disaster because things get rushed or he feels used.

Quite frankly, if you can't talk to him about having sex and all that it entails including birth control and experience, then maybe you should wait for someone you can talk to and trust.

How about waiting unti you're with someone who you actually care about enough to be honest with?

Having sex to have sex is EXTREMELY over-rated.

Yes, internet guy, most likely married, or talkig to a dozen other girls. No way to know.

And if you made the best of your life, education, work, friends, it is never wasted. Sex is highly over rated, merely to have sex, it is a wonderful way to fulfill a loving committed relationship, but if you have sex merely for sex, most likely your opinion of yourself, and self worth will go way down

Sex is good when two people truly connect on an emotional level.

If you want your first time to be with a stranger who will just *do the deed* to get it over with you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

He could be a psychopath and your first time could be your last.

Wait until you find a man you know who you can trust and he will not think less of you for being a virgin because he truly cares about you.

There is no stigma to being a virgin.It shows restraint and morality.Wear it proud.

Hi:

Wow! This was fast. Thanks a lot all of you.
Ok, I really like this guy that I meet on the web. We talk about many thing, everyday, sometimes on the phone other on msn. May be it's just that I don't want to be seen as a freak or something rare to get. I think that after being dissapointed many time in the past, I'm afraid of trusting again in anyone. I hate to feel like a baby besides everybody else. May be I should overcome my trust issues. It's just that I'm getting old and it hurts me to see my life fading away.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling emotional and stupid for speaking my mind this way. I really appreciate your answers.

Hi:

Wow! This was fast. Thanks a lot all of you.
Ok, I really like this guy that I meet on the web. We talk about many thing, everyday, sometimes on the phone other on msn. May be it's just that I don't wanna be seen as a freak or something rare to get. I think that after being dissapointed many time in the past, I'm afraid of trusting again in anyone. I hate to feel like a baby besides everybody else. May be I should overcome my trust issues. It's just that I'm getting old and it hurts me to see my life fading away.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling emotional and stupid for speaking my mind this way. I really appreciate your answers.

My dear,don't apologize for sharing your feelings.They are not stupid,they do have validity.

I am soon to be 56 so when you say you are getting old ,I have to laugh.
You are just getting started :)

Perhaps your peers are doing other things because they started too soon but I think you you are not a baby and you are right on track.
What works for one person is not always good for another.You may be a late bloomer but that does not make you a baby.

You may be naïve about love and that is why it is wise to take things slow and wait until you know and trust your own mind while being cautious.

I can see by your writing that you are smart.Take control of that and have pride in who you are and never allow anyone to do anything that does not feel right in your heart and I think you will be fine!

It does sound like you have some serious trust issues. No wonder if you keep getting involved with men who act so immature. Though, I am wondering if you may have been mistaken in what some of them actually were thinking. After a couple of 'boys' it is easy to mistake the interest of a 'man' as looking for a 'conquest'.

Quite frankly, any man you get involved with should treat you as the woman you are. Virgin or not, you are special and unique. Welcome being unique for being the person you are-the total not just one number in the equation.

Trust yourself and your judgment. There is a reason you have waited and I don't think it is just religion or boys masquerading as men.

I think you will really regret having sex with a man just to lose your virginity. Wait until you find someone who you love and can be honest with and you will be so much happier. Finding the right person can seem really difficult but be patient and you will!

As a side note, I didn't disclose my virginity my first time and did it with someone I had only dated for a sort period. It was an awful and painful experience that I wish I could take back.

You are not old and you are not weird.
There is a man out there for you, who sees the worth of a woman who has treasured her most precious possession.

If a guy makes you feel ashamed for being a virgin, he's not very bright and is certainly not the one for you.
When you lose your virginity it should be to someone you love and who loves you. This will only happen once, don't give it so little value. Let it be love and not just sex.

No sense in telling someone you're a virgin. My wife told me she was a virgin after we started fooling around. And yes I did see it as a challenge, but I was more nurturing because I cared about her.

Sex can be amazing with two people who really connect and enjoy each others time and company and want to be playful with each other, but it all comes down to how comfortable YOU are. Don't have sex just to do it. You'll be a nervous wreck, have high expectations and probably not be that fulfilled.

But if it's with someone (honestly even if you been around each other a few weeks) that you love to be around and they know what they are doing and push your buttons right (no pun intended) then you'll have more fun.

Even though there's a lot of emphasis on sex in today's society, where you make sure you "do it" before you get too old, remember it doesn't really make you 'take a step up' or make you more acceptable in society or whatever if you do end up doing it...

And once its been done there's no going back...

You've waited this long... wait for the right person. You don't have to lie... just be honest and true to yourself.

With AIDS, Hepititus C, Herpes... not to mention pregnancy, you should be in no rush to get it over... just to get it over.

Thank all of you very much. I do feel better now. You gave a lot to think about, some things are going to take me a while, specially regarding trust.

Regards,

Thank all of you very much. I do feel better now. You gave a lot to think about, some things are going to take me a while, specially regarding trust.

Regards,

Good luck. :)

One last thing...

Any "virgin" guy that hasn't been able to find a woman to sleep with him, has some real issues so remember that... and a few might pretend to be a virgin... to meat a virgin woman to take her virginity... trust me... there are guys that look at that as a challenge. To get the fruit that was denied to others.

Most WILL use the net to ply their trades because nobody will be there to call their bluff. I'd be extra hesitent and cautious with anyone you meet on the internet. I'm not a teen by any means... but I am very tech savey.

It will be a whole lot better with someone you know well, love, and respect. May as well wait a bit longer till you have that person to share something special with.

Heck, what's the hurry, and be careful, Get some trust going first, and be sure they deserve it.

You will be glad you did.

Your virginity is really not any guy's business anyway until after you two have established some kind of relationship. He may sense it after awhile anyway.

I agree with what everyone's said here, I'd just like to add that, you should try not to think about your virginity every time you meet a guy. I know what I'm talking about because for some time(thankfully I got over it) I would meet a guy and immediately start feeling bad, anxious about how he would take it when I would tell him I was a virgin. There's no poing wasting time thinking about it, because if the guy really cares about you, and after you two have some kind of special relationship, then telling him you're a virgin will not change things. At least it didn't for me. Let things come their way-don't force love. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Oh and, I don't think it's a good idea not to tell someone you're a virgin and sleep with them-they need to know so they'll take things slowly and be extra sweet:)

I agree with fisk. Once you find someone you have feelings for and are willing to take that step with, you're going to need to tell him that you're a virgin. You'll almost certainly be nervous and unsure of yourself your first time. He needs to be prepared for that. Also, any guy who cares about you will want to be sure that your first time is extra special.

I agree with what everyone's said here, I'd just like to add that, you should try not to think about your virginity every time you meet a guy. I know what I'm talking about because for some time(thankfully I got over it) I would meet a guy and immediately start feeling bad, anxious about how he would take it when I would tell him I was a virgin. There's no poing wasting time thinking about it, because if the guy really cares about you, and after you two have some kind of special relationship, then telling him you're a virgin will not change things. At least it didn't for me. Let things come their way-don't force love. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Oh and, I don't think it's a good idea not to tell someone you're a virgin and sleep with them-they need to know so they'll take things slowly and be extra sweet:)


Actually, this happens to me, I meet a guy and if he is very interested, I start to feel really anxious, till the point that the more he seems to be interested, the more I cry alone over the whole situation because I don't know how he's going to take it when he finds out the true. Many guys seem to be loving and gentle but in my own experience, if they know it they treat you different; as a challenge or as a looser. Now I don't talk about it with any one of them, but deep inside I feel terrible.

But if I never find again anyone who loves me? Am I dommed to die virgin? Is that better than having something?

Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. I think you are thinking too hard in a wrong way.
Any guy who treats you like a loser because you are a virgin is not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. He is not the kind of guy who appreciates a gift when he sees one. He is the loser, not you.

It is not so much about losing your virginity, but finding the right person for you. Your virginity is not going to prevent that. It is not your stumbling block. Your stumbling block is your perception of it.

Your virginity is really not any guy's business anyway until after you two have established some kind of relationship. He may sense it after awhile anyway.
I did not mean don't tell him until you have sex, I meant it is not something you tell a person after a couple of dates. It's none of their business.
After you have been going out a while and have established a good relationship that you sense has the potential to go further, then you can tell him.

Personally, I think you keep it to yourself until the night you're with the right person, naked and ready!! Till then, its no ones business but yours.

But if I never find again anyone who loves me? Am I dommed to die virgin? Is that better than having something?

I am bitter and cynical. Well bitter like a dark chocolate. You'll find some who will love you, at least says he does. You'll meet someone.

You're probably not doomed to die a virgin.

From what I see, you are putting too much emotional baggage into the fact that you're a virgin. You've never had sex before, get over it. You're kind of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy here. You start to care for a guy, you stress, and stress, and stress over the fact that you're a virgin and what he'll think about it. By that time you have talked to him about it, or not at all, you start distancing yourself from him because you're afraid of what he will think of you.

You're putting your virginity on such a high pedestal that it is hurting your relationships.

Maybe I have it wrong, but this is what I see. My best advice is to ignore the fact that you're a virgin. Don't care what the other person will think. When you have the big sex talk before you actually have intercourse, tell him casually that you're a virgin. The less meaning you have ascribed to it, the less impact it will have on him.

Just make sure to go slow, use lube and a condom.

Or you could just say that you're waiting for marriage. Most men will accept and respect that, and those who don't... well you would be better off without them.

I hope my point that you relating your self-image and self-esteem to your virginity came through that.

OK, here I go again, even when I don't know why I keep doing this.

How long I have to wait? To be 40, 50, to be menopausal? What if finding out Mr. Right NEVER happens? NEVER
I rather killing myself than getting old and virgin.

Why being a virgin is a good thing? I really don't get it, in particular at my age (28 years) Does it make me better? I really don't think so, especially after reading and hearing other people talking about they prefer experienced girls to women like me. In conversations with friends, co-workers and whoever (and nobody of them know my situation, by the way) it's always the same; everybody says they prefer experienced girls. They don't know it, but deep inside it hurts so bad, it's like a terrible delusion.

Why this could be good for me? I feel embarrassed, stupid, like a baby who will need a looooooot of time to be taught in order to fulfill somebody expectations.

I really regret not losing it some year ago when I have the chance, with my virgin boyfriend, the only one who has ever truly loved me. I DO REGRET IT.

I'm sorry for speaking my mind this way. It's just that, in some way talking freely here where nobody knows me, gives me some kind of small relief. I feel almost on the edge of doing something stupid, I think I'm going insane, and many of you will agree, now that I'm feeling this way again, after showing some kind of calm, progress and happiness, weeks ago in another girl's similar topic. I just want to know why would somebody consider this a quality (if there is somebody and it's not a religious fanatic). Why being like me it's a good thing? Would somebody ever think “baby, it makes you more valuable”? Is there anybody who could prefer a girl like me? Why this at my age it's a good thing?

Why?

OK Here I go again, even when I don't know why I keep doing this, may be it's just that I'm so desperated for help. How long I have to wait? to be 40, 50, to be menopausal? What if finding out Mr. Right NEVER happens? I rather killing my self than getting old and virgin.

Why being a virgin is a good thing? I really don’t get it, in particular at my age (28 years) Does it make me better? I really don’t think so, especially after reading and hearing other people talking about they prefer experienced girls to women like me. In conversations with friends, co-workers and whoever (and nobody of them know my situation, by the way) it’s always the same; everybody says they prefer experienced girls. They don’t know it, but deep inside it hurts so bad, it’s like a terrible delusion.

Why this could be good for me? I feel embarrassed, stupid, like a baby who will need a looooooot of time to be taught in order to fulfill somebody expectations.

I really regret not losing it some year ago when I have the chance, with my virgin boyfriend, the only one who has ever truly loved me. I DO REGRET IT.

I’m sorry for speaking my mind this way. It’s just that, in some way talking freely here where nobody knows me, gives me some kind of small relief. I feel almost on the edge of doing something stupid, I think I’m going insane, and many of you will agree, now that I’m feeling this way again, after showing some kind of calm, progress and happiness, weeks ago in another girl’s similar topic. I just want to know why would somebody consider this a quality (if there is somebody and it’s not a religious fanatic). Why being like me it’s a good thing? Would somebody ever think “baby, it makes you more valuable”? is there anybody who could prefer a girl like me? Why this at my age it’s a good thing?

Why?

Don't kill yourself.. then you would be a dead virgin and you'd never know how great sex is with the right person. He'll find you or you'll find each other. Could be tomorrow. Give it time. You'll know when the time comes. That person will be the one who makes you know you are the special lady he's been looking for. He's out there and it will be worth the wait.

That didn't answer any of my questions, including the what if he NEVER comes to my life?

I don't think the problem is your virginity, but you are making it a problem.
Why must you announce your virginity to a guy?
When you meet the right guy, you will know he is the one for you and your virginity or lack of it will not be an issue.

It is rare at your age because so many have already had sex and some with several people, and a lot of them regret they have given it up to so many.

Don't focus on it. At this point you are the one fixated on it.

That didn't answer any of my questions, including the what if he NEVER comes to my life?




Go places where you can meet guys... nice guys... Sporting events. Go on a cruise if you can afford it. Singles groups at Church.
Sign up for an exercise membership at a gym. Hardware stores.. or sporting good stores. Nice guys are everywhere.. you'll meet one.

Mr right will come, but you need to get over the hang up you have about your virginity. It is not a liability.

Do you date at all?

Mr right will come, but you need to get over the hang up you have about your virginity. It is not a liability.

Do you date at all?




What kind of guys have you dated.:)

It's only an issue because YOU make it an issue.

I guarantee you that NO ONE, not a single guy in this world, cares ONE BIT that you are a virgin. There are lots of guys that would care that you're NOT--but seriously, no one cares that you are but YOU.

I also see this as an extension of trust issues on your part, and as an extension of a lack of self-confidence. If you were TRULY comfortable with yourself, and happy alone, then you wouldn't be freaking out about ONE experience.

I suggest counseling to get to the bottom of WHY this is such a big deal for you.

It's only an issue because YOU make it an issue.

I guarantee you that NO ONE, not a single guy in this world, cares ONE BIT that you are a virgin. There are lots of guys that would care that you're NOT--but seriously, no one cares that you are but YOU.

I also see this as an extension of trust issues on your part, and as an extension of a lack of self-confidence. If you were TRULY comfortable with yourself, and happy alone, then you wouldn't be freaking out about ONE experience.

I suggest counseling to get to the bottom of WHY this is such a big deal for you.



Very sound advice. You need to take it.

Your problem is not your virginity but the emphasis you put on it.
Counseling may help you understand why you feel this way about it and yourself.

Her problem is not her virginity, it's the emphasis she puts on it.
Counseling may help her understand why she feels this way about it or herself.







Counseling is a great idea! I hope you will start Mina.

Hi to OP, perhaps just perhaps, not 100% sure but I think if you gave this some serious thoughts, it is possible you could end your dilemma, and your own virginity, have you any sex toys, vibrator, love eggs, or something along these lines, if not why not consider getting some, that would at least allow you to experience an orgasm, and you could let your imagination out to play.

With a vibrator, you will also know what to expect if you experiment with it, so that way when you do get together with a Man you'll have more of an idea about what the sex act entails, you could also buy yourself a book, not quite the same but as you appear to be hung up about you're being a virgin, this could just be something to disguise this in time.. JMO

Please though don't go thinking you're going to enter the menopausal stage and still be a virgin, as stated with some imagination, and experimantation, that can be avoided no matter, what.

Also if you don't start being sexually active for another 10 or more years, you could still conceive and have a few babies before you go menopausal, that's years away.

Consider what Ive suggested in this post, and I think you could solve your problem before you go out with any males from the web.

Its worth considering, I know I would give it a go LOL, mind you I would Im game for anything...

Doing as suggested in this post would also be a great way for you to get to know your body, what you like and how, which in turn you could then show or direct a male to do for you when you get to that stage and it will camouflage your inexperience, and it would appear you weren't a total novice, Nothing wrong with self love to help get you over this episode. Sounds like a plan to me...

What I don't understand Mina is why you are so ashamed to be a virgin? Thesre is no shame in it.

What is sad is the fact that you seem to think of it as an albatross
Around your neck.

You need to start thinking about all the good things in your life and stop dwelling on losing your virginity.

There is someone out there for you. Before you meet him start working on liking yourself.

Why the heck is being a virgin any bodies business, but yours because all these non virgins have more problems with guys than you do, and probably no less.

Read some of the stories about the years of misery and pain they endure for that first great love who took their gift, and left them.

Read the stories here about how they got dumped because they thought they found Mr. Right and their past escapades got them dumped because the fool couldn't get over their past.

Its not about who you screw or why, its about sharing that experience with the right person.

Don't tell any one you're a virgin, and they will never know, and you can make a good choice with someone who appreciates you for who you are, and not what they think you should be.

You have a lifetime of sex to enjoy. But think of all that comes with it, disease, cheating, rejection, and the whole gamut of emotions, including guilt for making the wrong choice.

Those are the responsibilities with sex, and making the right choices between love, sex, and lust, and knowing the differences.

You can have sex with anyone, just go into any bar and pick one. Then this saga is over, right? But if your looking for the right guy for more than just sex or lust, don't go to a bar, and choose wisely.

This is not about sex, its about you getting the right partner, and that's best done with a happy active social life, filled with good clean adult fun, and enjoying the things you do, as happy active people attract other who want to share that happiness, with no games, or agendas.

Its not about being a virgin at all, its about being happy with who you are, and giving your virginity to someone who doesn't deserve it, will only bring you misery, and pain, and a lot of drama, and loneliness.

Keep your virginity until you have a great partner to share it with, and leave the good looking losers out of the equation.

Make love, not lust, as any fool can have sex, and still be miserable.

Why the heck is being a virgin any bodies business, but yours because all these non virgins have more problems with guys than you do, and probably no less.

Read some of the stories about the years of misery and pain they endure for that first great love who took their gift, and left them.

Read the stories here about how they got dumped because they thought they found Mr. Right and their past escapades got them dumped because the fool couldn't get over their past.

Its not about who you screw or why, its about sharing that experience with the right person.

Don't tell any one your a virgin, and they will never know, and you can make a good choice with someone who appreciates you for who you are, and not what they think you should be.

You have a lifetime of sex to enjoy. But think of all that comes with it, disease, cheating, rejection, and the whole gamut of emotions, including guilt for making the wrong choice.

Those are the responsibilities with sex, and making the right choices between love, sex, and lust, and knowing the differences.

You can have sex with anyone, just go into any bar and pick one. Then this saga is over, right? But if your looking for the right guy for more than just sex or lust, don't go to a bar, and choose wisely.

This is not about sex, its about you getting the right partner, and thats best done with a happy active social life, filled with good clean adult fun, and enjoying the things you do, as happy active people attract other who want to share that happiness, with no games, or agendas.

Its not about being a virgin at all, its about being happy with who you are, and giving your virginity to someone who doesn't deserve it, will only bring you misery, and pain, and a lot of drama, and loneliness.

Keep your virginity until you have a great partner to share it with, and leave the good looking losers out of the equation.

Make love, not lust, as any fool can have sex, and still be miserable.



Got to spread the rep.

Hi OP mina11 am I correct in thinking that you have gone beyond wanting to stay a virgin for one special man, or at least that's how you feel about it at this time.

Only you know how you feel about this, we can offer or suggest ways of helping you maybe come to some other way of dealing with how you feel, but only you feel how you feel, we don't know only you live in your skin.

I can't say I know how you feel that's why I have suggested an alternative way of overcoming this dilemma you feel you're faced with.

With the right Man Im sure he would cherish the fact you are still intact at your age, its nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about..

I can though empathise with how this must feel to you. You're not an odditiy, you're amazing.

If you want to lose you're virginity after holding onto it for all these years then that is your right to choose no one else but yours, I only hope you'll choose what feels right for you, its your life no one else's.

I hope you aren't still feeling so down and unhappy.

Please read through these posts and then if you want to make use of the suggestions offered in them then you are more than welcome to do that.

Please let us know how you feel about yourself now, or soon.

Take Care because we care. Love & Hugs

Hi OP mina11 am I correct in thinking that you have gone beyond wanting to stay a virgin for one special man, or at least thats how you feel about it at this time.

Only you know how you feel about this, we can offer or suggest ways of helping you maybe come to some other way of dealing with how you feel, but only you feel how you feel, we dont know only you live in your skin.

I can't say I know how you feel thats why I have suggested an alternative way of overcoming this dilemma you feel youre faced with.

With the right Man Im sure he would cherish the fact you are still intact at your age, its nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about..

I can though empathise with how this must feel to you. Youre not an odditiy, youre amazing.

If you want to lose youre virginity after holding onto it for all these years then that is your right to choose no one else but yours, I only hope youll choose what feels right for you, its your life no one elses.

I hope you arent still feeling so down and unhappy.

Please read through these posts and then if you want to make use of the suggestions offered in them then you are more than welcome to do that.

Please let us know how you feel about yourself now, or soon.

Take Care cos we care. Love & Hugs

Very True!

Have to spread some rep talaniman but you are so right.
"Its not about being a virgin at all, its about being happy with who you are"

Good Luck Mina

I just want to know why would somebody consider this a quality (if there is somebody and it’s not a religious fanatic). Why being like me it’s a good thing? Would somebody ever think “baby, it makes you more valuable”? is there anybody who could prefer a girl like me? Why this at my age it’s a good thing?

Why?

Because it shows you have standards... and it shows that you won't spread your legs to every person that asks.

Ever know people that have been married and divorced several times? Odds are they jump right in based on lust and hormones... rather than logic and love. You can see the difference... they can't.

That is one of the differences between a Princess and a prostitute.

And my wife wasn't much different than you when we met. When the right guy is there you will know it.

Homegirl, exactly, it's rare at my age, and I'm tired of always being the rare one; the little girl who thinks too much, the nerd, the bullied one because she was so sensitive, the young shy girl, the woman who doesn't do as everybody else because she believed strongly in something. After years of being myself, I'm tired of always protect me and feel proud of my stupid decisions. However, through my life I have changed different thing in order to adjust to the world and being accepted, but in one way or another, I'm always the rare one, especially now with all my friends and my brother and getting married and having babies. Being rare it's not a good thing.
If I've been wise, why everybody points at me like if I where the most stupid person in the world?

Kitkat, I really don't know what else I can do, I go to things I like; cultural events, French, gym, music and nothing. At job, and everywhere I find guys with girlfriends or married o gay. I applied for the Tourist American Visa (and take one of that singles cruise) but the woman at the Consular Embassy said: “No, because I say so”. (…. What kind or reason was that?) May be I'm cursed, may be the role of my life is being the second one in the life of one of that married men that are interested in me and that I find everywhere. I won't get love but, I'll get gifts and some kind of attention. May be I should stop believing that someday somebody will truly love me. I'm tired of dating guys who disappoints me, I'm tired of try and try and try.

Synnen, I've been going to counseling since a month ago. I don't know if it's normal, but which each session I'm feeling worst every week.

Positiveparent, of course that I play with myself (not with toys I don't want to hurt me) and I have read and try since I was much younger, but that's all. There is a point where feeling always alone it's killing me. When all the normal people has lived that stages of life, I hate to think about getting almost to 40, then meting some guy, getting married and immediately start trying to get pregnant, instead of being young and have some years just to be with my partner, enjoy love, travel and for once in my life being a little bit selfish.


Talaniman you have said many right things. I'll think about it and keep on my counseling.

Smoothy, thanks for answering my question.

Knowing about other's pain doesn't ease mine. I really don't know what to do. There is a friend of mine, I don't like him but I know that he likes me. May be I should give him chance and get what I want. I know that he can love me, and may be with time (and some changes) I could get to love him. But the idea of giving up my dreams of a special one makes me feel so sad. I'll have to swallow my pride and give myself in.

Today I still feel like sh… but at least I haven't cried yet.

May be I must start to accept my perpetual state of spinsterhood. What can I do to do that? How can I stop dreaming and start being real?

I think you should give counseling a bit longer to work, first and foremost.

And yes, the first sessions are hard and you don't necessarily feel good right away. You usually have to face a lot of hard things about yourself when you first go to counseling.

Stick it out. Don't do something stupid and rash just to make yourself feel better.

Many women get pregnant on the first sexual encounter... even with birth control. Or worse... contract AIDS, or Herpes. Those have no cures... think its hard to attract Mr. Right as a virgin, just try with a kid or AIDS or Herpes.

Do you want to take that chance on just anyone?

Dwelling on negativity is only going to push guys away... you can sense negativity in someone and its not atractive. Perhaps get the concelling advised by others... that can help you accept it for now... which will help with the negative vibes that may be keeping away Mr. Right.

I can understand the world around you changing fast, and you wanting to change with it, and get what you THINK your friends and relatives are getting.

That's frustrating to a point, but don't let those frustrations lead to impulsive actions.

I can suggest an alternative course of action that worked quite well for me.

Talaniman Rule. Date them ALL. Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy!!

Not only will it change your mindset. But increase your options and opportunities, by opening up your social life to learn and grow, and enjoy the variety of life as you get to know a lot of people and enjoy doing it. You also have no attachments, and don't have to focus on one person, thing, or activity, nor make a commitment until YOU are ready.

In this way, you move at your own pace and enjoy the freedom and flexibility to do as you please, when you please.

You get to see, and be seen, and instead of looking for LOVE, Love will have a better chance of finding you, and you will marvel at the people who will be attracted to you and want to share the happiness you have... for yourself, and what your doing.

The worst thing you can do is get stuck in a one way time consuming effort, to figure out what another person wants, or needs from you, and be distracted for months or years by the wrong person.

It also allows you to have a different attitude, as you build a life that you enjoy, because we all feel better when we KNOW we have a lot to look forward too, and don't TRIP, about what we think we are missing.
Or what we don't have.

That's where I think you are, you have reached an impasse and have a decision to make, and want someone to make you happy, but that seldom works because being happy is YOUR exclusive responsibility, no one else's.

Trust me, virgin or not, we all want to be happy, and want to be loved, to fit in, and have a comfort zone. I get all that, but your world starts with you, and your attitude toward yourself, and goes outward as you define yourself, Not by what's around you, or how others perceive you.

Its not about being unique, but being aware of who, and what you are, and what you want to do next. If that depends on another taking your "precious" virginity so you can say your experienced as any one else. YOU are in big trouble, because I can bet you see yourself as more than just a sexual object who has a need to breed, much more. You just have to figure that out, so explore your own capabilities and take no less than you deserve, and ENJOY the journey.

What's the hurry? Is your clock ticking or something??

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Excellent advice tal.
Stop looking for that person to make you happy. Continue with the counseling. It is hard and painful at first, you are getting to the nitty-gritty of things.
Date and have fun, get to know people just to get to know them, That person will come out of the blue.
Stop thinking about your virginity, that is not your problem. Your opinion of yourself is what is hampering you.

If it is against your beliefs and your religion.. then I think losing your virginity would only add to all these other feelings you have about yourself.

I was raised the same way. I'm a lot older than you so at that time being a virgin was considered the right thing to do.

Have you ever thought this is the way God wants you to be? Have you ever thought he has someone
For you? I believe with all my heart
Everything is meant to be.

Pray about this and ask God to bring you comfort and stop dwelling on this. You will meet the right one and you will be glad you waited.

Homegirl, exactly, it’s rare at my age, and I’m tired of always being the rare one; the little girl who thinks too much, the nerd, the bullied one because she was so sensitive, the young shy girl, the woman who doesn’t do as everybody else because she believed strongly in something. After years of being my self, I’m tired of always protect me and feel proud of my stupid decisions. However, through my life I have changed different thing in order to adjust to the world and being accepted, but in one way or another, I’m always the rare one, especially now with all my friends and my brother and getting married and having babies. Being rare it’s not a good thing.
If I’ve been wise, why everybody points at me like if I where the most stupid person in the world?


How do you know this is how everyone sees you. Maybe it is how you see yourself.
Would you have sex with a man if you wanted to? You are in control of your life.
Stop looking to lose your virginity and look to have fun, enjoy your life. Don't look at every man a the potential cherry popper or potential mate. Enjoy your life and your freedom.
Keep up with your therapy. It will help you see yourself in a different light.

Mina... You are in my prayers.

Thanks a lot all of you, today I feel better. I'm afraid of how long this moment of happiness would last, since it has happened before, some days of calm and suddenly it all storms out again.

Who knows what the tide will bring. May it would never come, may be I'll never have children who would play with my friend's or my relative's children, but right now, I do have a place in their lives, a privileged one I have to say. I've been call to be there for my friends in special and private situations where there isn't any body but their close relatives (parents and siblings) and me, and that means something.
Yesterday my BF and I got soaked when it began to rain and he said: “funny, we've been friends for many years and it's the first time that something like this happens to us together”, then we laughed like kids and hugged very close to each other under a small broken umbrella while trying to escape from the rain and get to the movies. I know that he will never give the love I wish for (he's gay), but for the last 10 years we have had the purest and greatest love I've ever met, and it's never been so clear to me like yesterday.

You are right guys, definitely it's me who is seeing thing in the wrong way. The bullies and the jerks that criticized the best of me or tried to use me as a beautiful object, must keep in the past. I have a painful learning to go, I need to recover my confidence. Ok, may be I had chances to have that experience in the past, but in those moments of my life I have reasons I said no, and I need to accept that it wasn't out of stupidity but based in wise decisions of what in that stage I though was the best for me.

And yes, I need pray a lot. Who the hell I fool? I've always been spiritual, with a belief centered in love. And in the end what we are talking about here, it's strongly related to love, like that song goes (I`ll try to make and appropriated translation in english) “First, look for the kingdom of God and his divine justice, and everything else is going to come along”. Just what you have told me through this conversation; love for myself, let love shows up if and when it's meant to be, and everything else will come along.

I'm keeping on therapy, I know it's going to hurt more, but it's the best right now.

Thanks a lot all of you, today I feel better. I’m afraid of how long this moment of happiness would last, since it has happened before, some days of calm and suddenly it all storms out again.

Who knows what the tide will bring. May it would never come, may be I’ll never have children who would play with my friend’s or my relative’s children, but right now, I do have a place in their lives, a privileged one I have to say. I’ve been call to be there for my friends in special and private situations where there isn’t any body but their close relatives (parents and siblings) and me, and that means something.
Yesterday my BF and I got soaked when it began to rain and he said: “funny, we’ve been friends for many years and it’s the first time that something like this happens to us together”, then we laughed like kids and hugged very close to each other under a small broken umbrella while trying to escape from the rain and get to the movies. I know that he will never give the love I wish for (he’s gay), but for the last 10 years we have had the purest and greatest love I’ve ever met, and it’s never been so clear to me like yesterday.

You are right guys, definitely it’s me who is seeing thing in the wrong way. The bullies and the jerks that criticized the best of me or tried to use me as a beautiful object, must keep in the past. I have a painful learning to go, I need to recover my confidence. Ok, may be I had chances to have that experience in the past, but in those moments of my life I have reasons why I said no, and I need to accept that it wasn’t out of stupidity but based in wise decisions of what in that stage I though was the best for me.

And yes, I need pray a lot. Who the hell I fool? I’ve always been spiritual, with a belief centered in love. And in the end what we are talking about here, it’s strongly related to love, like that song goes (I`ll try to make and appropriated translation in english) “First, look for the kingdom of God and his divine justice, and everything else is going to come along”. Just what you have told me through this conversation; love for my self, let love shows up if and when it’s meant to be, and everything else will come along.

I’m keeping on therapy, I know it’s gonna hurt more, but it’s the best right now.

Now you've made me cry.. (a good cry) You are a wonderful person, I'll bet you're beautiful and you have a wonderful heart. God is working in your life. Have you ever thought.. "stand Still and see the hand of God".
Sometimes we want to rush but that's not his will. Wow I feel so much better for you. Good things are going to happen in your life.. { Hugs.. }

You hang in there young lady. You are going to be all right. There is a man out there for you.
Get yourself emotionally ready for him. Come to understand and love yourself then you will feel confident when that man walks into your life.
I wish you well.