I have caught my wife cheating on me for over 5 months with this guy, texting every night having what she calls phone sex. Is this considering cheating?

If you consider it cheating, then yes, it is. The question is, does your wife consider it cheating?

There are boundaries most people don't cross. For some even being flirty with someone else is considered cheating. For others, unless there's physical contact, it's not cheating.

You need to talk to your wife, tell her that this is not okay with you, that you feel that it's cheating and you're hurt. You both need to set down boundaries.

I think you can work this out. She didn't have a physical relationship with this person, so honest open communication between the two of you, maybe counseling if you two can't resolve it on your own.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks

Some questions you need to ask as part of that conversation:

1. Is this just "porn," even if it's interactive? By that I mean is there any emotional involvement with the other person, or is she just masturbating her mind?

2. Has there been any contact other than text? Voice? Pics? In person, with clothes on?

3. Now that she knows how you feel, can she stop "cold turkey?" If not, how about playing with you?

If you guys can get through these with no raised (or lowered) voices, you should be about halfway through resolving the whole issue.

To me it is cheating.

A relationship with a man who is not her husband, that has gone on several months by texting and phone sex, is infidelity in my book.

I wouldn't be so sure that the sex hasn't been 'intimate', and if it hasn't, what's the difference after having phone sex for several months. It is still cheating and very inappropriate.

This does nothing for the marriage, and the person on the receiving end of this bad behaviour- namely you- has ever right to respond as though it were a 'real' sexual, intimate relationship.

Because it is sexual in nature, and done over electronic devices, does not make it innocent, and it does not make it less than what it is. An affair.

You have every right to question this relationship she has going on.

I wouldn't personally trust her as far as I could throw her phone.

I most likely would have stomped on the phone till it was little pieces and told her that it should not happen again. But then asking her to go to counseling and working on your relationship would be best.

I would not tolerate her behavior not a minute more, and she would be looking for her phone after I found out what she was doing with it. If this cannot be solved through communications with her, then you both should seek counseling.

I don't know if she will cross the thin line between talking, and doing, but to continue with this sort of behavior, then it will be a lot easier to set a time, and date to do so, in the future.

Get on this, or the next stop for advice would be a divorce lawyer. This is cheating, pure and simple, in my book already.

Catsmine: To answer your question on #2; yes, there has been phone contact, in person (twice) and photos, she said clothed.

Catsmine: To answer your question on #2; yes, there has been phone contact, in person (twice) and photos, she said clothed.

That does not bode well, I'm afraid. She has crossed the "romance novel/porn" line and developed a relationship, it looks like.

Can she stop? Does she want to?

Does she want to regain your trust?

Can you forgive her if she does?

Can she regain your trust?

Unless every answer is an unqualified yes, start counting up child support. A fair court will give you custody, but finding one of those is rare.