We started with an internet relationship and everything was perfect until we met in person a few months later. He was the perfect fairytale boyfriend. After he saw me our relationship changed completely but he stayed with me even after he told me he didn't like how my body looks like. I loved him so much that I made a deal with him... I was going to lose the weight and He was going to be with me like he was at the beginning, we were going to have again our perfect relationship. Reality is that I loss more than 50 pounds and is still not enough for him. Also He have a lot of restrictions on our "relationship" like for example we can't date near his town cause he doesn't want his people to see him with me. He says all that is going to change once I end changing my body but I have changed so much already and he is treating me better but he can't accept me yet the way I am. We have been together for more than 6 months now and I broken up with him 2 times before but he keeps coming back for me. He says that he thinks that he loves me and that he sees me in his future but he keeps want me to change. I don't know what to do anymore cause I love him and I want to be with him but I can't stand he hurting my feelings anymore. Should I stay and wait to see if things will really change once he likes the way I look? Would it be worth waiting? Help please Im desperate I don't really want to break up with him but Im scared of not being able to lose the rest of the weight that he wanst me to lose.

Drop him like a hot rock. He is a controlling jerk that is most likely married (not wanting to be seen in his town).

Find someone who loves you for who and what you are. Not what he thinks you should be. You deserve that much.

Thank You Emland... he says that he's going to take me to meet his family and friends after I lose the weight so I know his not married or with another girl

Thank You Emland...he says that he's going to take me to meet his family and friends after I lose the weight so I know his not married or with another girl

Sorry, but that doesn't prove anything to me. He will invent some other reason if you were to lose the weight.

That is not love but CONTROL.

There is no love in this relationship.

As far as making deals for somebody love that is complete Bull Sh@t.

There should be no deal making the love is either their or not no matter what the persons appearance is.

By the way, Congratulations for losing 50 pounds but you should be losing weight for YOURSELF and no one else.

He is not going to change. He is a complete JACK@SS and you need to leave this so called twisted relationship.

Your only going to get hurt if you stay, I am sure he has other people on the side as well. YOU need to BREAK UP with him for good.

EDIT: that just gives him more time to mess around. Too many conditions that should not be there.

You met on the internet,so he could be anyone,married,have children etc.

Please take off the rose-tinted specs and realise that the guy you thought you knew,and fell in love with,is not that person.

He straight away starts making demands,you have to change to deserve his love,and that is not love at all,that's emotional abuse.

What do you think his next command will be?

Change your hair?
The way you dress?

Or has he already mentioned that?

Walk away before you allow him to lower your selfesteem even further.

NO ONE who claims to care about you should tell you that you need to change the way you look in order for them to ACT like they care about you. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He's using you.

If you manage to lose all the weight he wants you to, he'll find something else that you'll have to change. Maybe he'll want you to dye your hair or get it cut a different way. Maybe he'll decide you need an entirely new wardrobe. Maybe he'll decide that you'll look better with colored contacts. Maybe he'll want you to get a boob job or a nose job.

The bottom line is, he's REQUIRING you to change in order for him to 'love' you. That isn't love. That isn't even lust or respect or affection. He just likes having someone change to suit him.

Once he runs out of things for you to change, he'll leave. You'll never meet any of his friends or family. He'll keep putting it off until you change the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

He says that the weight thing is the only thing that can't deal with... that he hates to ask for it cause it hurts me. There's nothing else that he wants me to change, but still he hiding me because of it from the people that knows him hurts me a lot.

Still does not change my advice, or anybody else's. Speaking for me, re read my post.

It's a sham... This person has issues. You have lost 50 pounds. You never put conditions on love.

Crazy... Time to leave. You be happy with who you are if no one else is or this person is not happy. You need to tell him where to go. Simple as that.

If your still in denial it is your choice. Your going to do what you want any way but you will be getting hurt a lot more if you stay in this thing called un - love.

I stand by my first post-in addition,why do you think everyone who has posted so far is saying the same thing?

Plus you came here for advice,so I'm going to assume that you know,deep inside,that something is not right.

He says that the weight thing is the only thing that can't deal with...that he hates to ask for it cause it hurts me. There's nothing else that he wants me to change, but still he hiding me because of it from the ppl that knows him hurts me a lot.

Yes, but what's to stop him from deciding that once you're skinnier you wouldn't look better with different hair, or anything else? You've already shown him that you're willing to change yourself to please him.

Yes and I'm thankful for all of your advices... I know he asking me to lose weight in exchange for his love its totally wrong... Love should be given unconditionally. I just wanted to see if anyone else think that... that kind of sacrifice would be worth doing for love

It's worth it ONLY if it's your choice. Since he is essentially requiring it of you, it's not worth it.

If losing the weight makes you feel better about yourself, then keep it off and keep up the diet and exercise. Do it because YOU want to, dump him, and find someone who will treat you better.

I will voice in with the others, never do something ( change) so they will "love" you, that is abuse and emotional blackmail. A person that really loves you would never do that to you.

So if you need to or want to, do it for you.

Best to drop any man who wants to be so controlling this early in a relationship

We change ourselves FOR ourselves,never for anyone else.

If you felt you needed to loose weight to feel better,healthier etc-thats a good thing.

If you did it to earn his love,its not about you being in charge of your life.

That's the difference.

Sure lose the weight for him, and after you do he will be jealous, and demand you stay indoors.

You better wake up and realize what the others have said, and what you know for yourself, the deal you have with him is rather desperate of you, and he will surely want something else to change also.

This is not love, but him taking advantage of your love for him. If a guy can't love you the way you are, he will never be able to love you for what you want to be and that ain't healthy at all.

I have to wonder seriously about why you would drastically change the way you look, and essentially give away all your confidence and self esteem, striving to be somebody else, that is more appealing to a man that treats you the way he does.

You have fallen into a trap, eyes wide open, and you can see what he has already taken from you, and you continue to allow him to take more, and more.

You are like a lump of clay, and he is moulding you.

That is not love, and he will never be happy with who he turns you into.

He is looking for something that is not attainable, or sustainable, in any relationship. Unrealistic demands accomplished by dangling a 'love' rope, and for some reason, you keep jumping for that rope, hoping to hang onto it, and finally reach acceptance with him.

You have allowed him to control how you think, feel, behave. You have allowed him to chart your future, and give so much of yourself to pleasing him, that you have lost yourself.

While he is a controlling, self-centered, selfish shallow person, you somehow see your needs being met by being with a man like that, and conforming to the person he wants you to be.

You are playing a dangerous game here if you are thinking this is the path to a balanced, equal, mutually respected relationship. There is no gaining or earning 'love', because your weight to him, and having you focus 100% of your energy into changing yourself, only leads to more of the same. Already he has you blinded by not knowing who he really is- his family, friends, etc. Everything is off limits, until he tells you, you have passed.

This isn't about him at all. You have allowed yourself to be put in this horrible position, and you cannot see that you need to get out, and repair the damage that he has done so that you can better find someone who is normal. Yes, normal. What he is doing to you in his behaviour and actions, are the basis for many books and reference to abuse.

It is not normal.

I would bet both my left feet that he has had a series of relationships just like yours.

Do you see that the weight is not the issue here?

I strongly recommend counselling for you to talk this out face to face with a professional who can address the more important, the most important, issue facing you.

And that is, what is it about you, that has caused you to be in this position in the first place.