I'm still married but I moved out of state to get a fresh start with my daughter and rented a house with my boyfriend who I recently split up with. I went to court and joint custody was entered when my husband wanted full custody because I moved away from him and took our daughter with me so now our daughter is like a package being delivered every week.

My main question is, can social networking such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, MyYearBook and others have an affect on divorce and child custody determination? Could it have an impact on the proceedings in court?

Like for example, lets say before a hearing I give a sworn statement that I live in such and such city but on one of my social networking profiles I list an entirely different city as my current home (let's say my husbands city.) continuing, lets say I also swore in an affidavit that I have a boyfriend whom I live with but on one of my social networking sites, it says I'm now single and recently split up with my boyfriend (which is true but my husband didn't know that until he found out through this profiles)

Because it contradicts what I gave in my affidavit, what are the legal ramifications of that, if any?

I ask because my husband was furious when he called me and told me he surfed the web and found one of my profiles and took screenshots on a computer and says he emailed them to his attorney and wants to use them against me in court because I lied. I don't see it as lying well I just didn't tell my husband the truth... but the point is.. is that sort of evidence even admissible in court? Will the judge even ask to see those screenshots my husband took on his computer? Could it have an affect on our divorce/custody and will I lose custody of my daughter for lying?

As far as evidence. More and more sites like you have mentioned are being thrown into the mix when it involves law suits, companies hiring employees and custody battles. So the base question of can it affect the outcome? Yes and furthermore it can have lasting ramifications well beyond what you can imagine. Once it is posted its on the net it is forever.

yes, information you post on web sites can be submitted into evidence. The judge will have to assume the value of them.

The judge will also look at where you get your mail. Where your drivers license is at. Also he may want your boyfriend that you live with to testify not only to you living there, but other home life issues that may include the child. They may want statements from the landlord ( or your ex may demand them(

The ex can of course demand you return back to your home state, since you were not suppose to move out of state with child without his permission.

If he proves you lied to the court, the judge will look poorly on that nad be more likely to give the other party more of what they want

Because of the popularity of those sites they have been used in court more and more. So, yes it could look bad on your part that you told the judge one thing and had posted another. However, as mentioned above what your drivers license has on it, where you get your mail, and other things like that will also come into play. Not that it will completely erase your lies to the court it could help prove that you were telling the truth while under oath. Providing you were telling the truth.

I, in fact, search and pull sites when I do background checks. You'd be amazed at the number of people NOT hired because of photos or blogs or whatever.

Do I have anything to worry about? My license is a different state and my mail is sent to my home where I live now. So I have that down as far as evidence but my ex husband knows I haven't been honest and he wants to use this stuff against me. How can my husband make me move back to where he lives with my daughter? We've lived here for a yr and a half?

I meant to say my daughter is with me and how can husband make us move back when we've lived here for a yr and a half. And what if I just delete my profiles won't that help?

Although it is on your profile it isn't hard evidence. You could argue that you were lying to myspace or Facebook and not to the court. Bottom line being a picture of a computer screen and your status cannot prove much of anything. If there are pictures of you in a city that you said you aren't living that could be a little more incriminating, and yes your ex husband's lawyer is going to make it out to sound like it has sealed your fate, but that's his job. I would change the listing, DON'T LIE ANYMORE, talk in confidence about this with your lawyer, and relax. Your lawyer will have a better idea that I or the rest of us will on how to come back from his accusations.

The longer he waited to file, but it is not you he can force to move back, it is the child, you took the child away making his visits harder. So if this had been just a few months after the move, he would have a good chance to get the judge to order either you move back with child, or give him the child.
But he can try this, if he can prove you have lied to him about where you were living, or was hiding from him

do i have anything to worry about? my license is a different state and my mail is sent to my home where i live now. so i have that down as far as evidence but my ex husband knows i havent been honest and he wants to use this stuff against me. how can my husband make me move back to where he lives with my daughter? we've lived here for a yr and a half??

Is where you live now in the same state as the license or is it from where you were before you moved and your driving on an expired license?

So you have one address on your license and get your mail somewhere else? I'm just trying to get everything straight because you have put yourself in a sticky situation. Did he have a visitation order before you left? That will also make a huge difference.

I was issued my drivers license in the state I live now. My husband said he wants to do mediation so neither of us are nailed with expensive attorney fees and not rely on a judge to decide a parenting plan for us.. will my moving away from my husband with our daughter be talked about during mediation by the mediator? I feel like I might lose custody my husband is extremely objective. Like chuck said, I guess me doing what I did has made it difficult for my husband to be a part of our daughters life for a year now. He wants our daughter to live with him primarily and have her go to school and says he will give me as much time as I want with our daughter. Like spring break, snow days, summer, split holidays, he told me I could have her on mothers day and my birthday and then told me he won't go after me for support if I can agree to his offer and said he'll have an open mind for whatever offer I come up with. I'm really worried about how to prepare myself. I want him to have our daughter every other weekend and have her go to school here and he can have our daughter during the summer, spring break, whatever. I know its going to be hard because we live 150 miles apart but I have a great job and a house to provide for our daughter.

So you have one address on your license and get your mail somewhere else? I'm just trying to get everything straight because you have put yourself in a sticky situation. Did he have a visitation order before you left? That will also make a huge difference.

Well we initially were going through a divorce but we couldn't afford our attorneys. We had joint custody pretty much 50 50 through court temporarily and never went to mediation before, and I moved before our temp order was dropped because of due process so I moved away after the order dropped. We had a hearing a month and a 1/2 ago and the judge ordered us to go through mediation and our daughter has been with both of us every other week until we come up with a plan.

My lawyer used the uniform child custody and jurisdiction and enforcement act on my husband because our daughter has lived with me for over a year now but we went to my husbands state court... he filed first does that mean my daughters original birth state has jurisdictional rights because he filed before me? My husband argued with me saying were still married and our daughter has lived in her birth state since she was born.

Which is true, things are difficult now since I moved and my husband isn't happy with not seeing our daughter as much as he would have liked... I know what I did was selfish but I didn't want to leave my daughter behind like that. I'm worried about my social profiles not to mention my husband being angry for making his time with our daughter difficult.. I'm afraid a mediator is going to look favorably on my husband without making it obvious!

Although it is on your profile it isn't hard evidence. You could argue that you were lying to myspace or facebook and not to the court. Bottom line being a picture of a computer screen and your status cannot prove much of anything. If there are pictures of you in a city that you said you arn't living that could be a little more incriminating, and yes your ex husband's lawyer is going to make it out to sound like it has sealed your fate, but thats his job. I would change the listing, DON'T LIE ANYMORE, talk in confidence about this with your lawyer, and relax. Your lawyer will have a better idea that I or the rest of us will on how to come back from his accusations.



I actually work in the legal profession and have seen evidence of this nature brought into Court and used against a person.

I would like to know why you think lying to the Court when this evidence is presented, if this evidence is presented, is a good idea as well as that none of this proves anything.

My experience is to the contrary.

Everyone else has had sound advice and what has been going on, of course, has to stop - now.

You are right. The mediator might look more favorably on the father. However, they are not a judge. That is where you go to try to work things out so that you don't need a judge to make the decisions. It is still legally binding so you do need to be prepared. Have a list of what you would like to happen with you, as I'm sure he will. If the two of you can't reach a mutual decision then you might have to spend the money on lawyers and go to court. The idea of mediation isn't for the mediator to decide everything it's to allow the two of you to reach an agreement and have it recorded legally the mediator can help. Mediation works a lot of times and sometimes not. It depends more on how quickly you an the father can bend and flex to each others requests.

OK so the mediator might look on my daughters father more favorbly because I took her away from him and want him to agree to my own parenting plan that gives him every other weekend? I don't get it... if neither of us come to a decision, does the mediator present to the court what was talked about then? Like what my husband offered and what I offered?

Can I suggest I have sole custody with joint legal? I want my daughter to continue living with me primarily allow her father to have choices with medical/health but not where she will go for school. Is there such thing as a temp parenting plan until our daughter reaches a certain age like elementary?

Sure there are temp parenting plans but those are generally to last until you get into court or something like that. Go to mediation, see what happens then get back with us because we have already given you about all of the information and help there is. I'm just going to be repeating myself until something new happens. When do you go to mediation? Is it soon?

We were supposed to go a few weeks ago but neither of us went. My ex still wants to go to mediation so I guess were tryign again

New question - why didn't you go? If you are interested in the welfare of your child you MUST take the appropriate steps.

Will it make me look bad by not having a job and my husband pays for mediation?

You didn't answer my question - why didn't you go to the last meeting with the mediator?

No, who pays for the mediation doesn't matter. If you have no income, yes, it could raise the question of who pays to raise the child. On the other hand, if you collect unemployment or some other benefits, it doesn't matter.

Why you don't work does matter.

So between April 26th at 12:23 AM and today (3 days)---you lost your really great job? I mean, you state straight out that you've got a really great job and a house, and then you state that you don't have a job on 4/29/10 at 4:52 PM.

So... can we get the straight story?

Frankly, I'd be ticked off if I were your husband too! You have every right to leave your marriage, but if there was no abuse involved (and it doesn't sound like there was), then you had NO right to take your daughter and move to another state. You very well might have to move HER back, even if you don't have to move back yourself.

You and your husband want the same things---primary time with your daughter, with the other parent getting summers/breaks/holidays/whatever. Well, you can't BOTH have that.

Based on what I've seen of your story so far, I am not sure why you think you should have primary custody. He's got the job, he has the home she lived in until you up and left. YOU are the one that had a boyfriend while still married. YOU are the one that left to move in with someone else.

Why in the world are you worried about how you will look for not paying for mediation? You've got a lot bigger things to worry about, frankly.

I understand that. So the mediator will recommend what's best for our daughter, I know. Can he tell a judge to have me move back? I thought the mediator will want to do what's best for our daughter? Should I expect the topic of me moving in with my boyfriend to come up during mediation?

i understand that. so the mediator will recommend whats best for our daughter, i know. can he tell a judge to have me move back? i thought the mediator will want to do whats best for our daughter?? should i expect the topic of me moving in with my boyfriend to come up during mediation?


Please answer Synnen's question - your history has changed substantially since you began thei thread. What is the truth here?

The mediator WILL recommend what's best for your daughter. Your "ex" doesn't tell the Judge anything. He requests whatever relief he is seeking and the Judge decides.

And, yes, the fact that you are living with a boyfriend can and will enter the picture - as well as why you moved, whether it was so that you could be closer to/live with the boyfriend.

And if you removed your daughter so YOU could be closer to your boyfriend (and didn't move for employment or family purposes) it will not look good for you.

Quite frankly, I am concerned that you admit you lie on Facebook and Myspace. I'm not 100% sure you aren't lying now because your story has changed so drastically.

OK here's the truth I did move to be with my boyfriend closer to his family but since then I found a good job that pays well. How will that make me look bad? And again, will the mediator touch base on all this and ask me these questions: why I moved, etc? Honestly, I moved to get a fresh start with my life.

ok heres the truth i did move to be with my boyfriend closer to his family but since then i found a good job that pays well. how will that make me look bad? and again, will the mediator touch base on all this and ask me these questions: why i moved, etc? honestly, i moved to get a fresh start with my life.


Your turning and twisting of the facts makes me question the truth, what you will say in an attempt to make yourself look good BUT my opinion is that this was a move to be closer to your boyfriend, removing a child from the father, not a move for a higher-paying job.

As Synnen pointed out - you change your story to suit the answers. Not fair to those of us who are volunteering our time and attempting to help you.

You will look like this was a malicious move.

Yes, the mediator will "touch" on this - big time.

You need to get a fresh start; your child needs a father. You also need an Attorney. I'd worry less about money and more about your child.

Sorry to be harsh but I see this thread to be a waste because the advice was based on a series of lies. Try to be more honest with your Attorney or this will cost you BIG in the end.

Let us know how this works out.

I do have an attorney that's why were going to mediation. The judge ordered us to go.

Then why are you here, telling half truths and quite frankly taking time from other people who have serious concerns?

It's a legal aid attorney. Not a good one either and seems like they don't know what they are doing...

In the end, what is normally good for the child is to be with father and mother ( in courts eyes) if one parent moves away without getting permission of the other parent it is very common for them to be told to move back or to send the child back to the other parent. ** The one who did not move away is considered often to get the child if the other parent refuses to move back.

You working or living with someone will have little issue about this, what does, is how will the father get to visit the child and why should he not be able to see the child every other weekend or have joint custody. You by moving took this right away from him.

Showing how you can pay for transport of the child back to see the father, how he father will not lose any visit time will be what the court will be interested in

Well the court pretty much ordered mediation to follow. What he ordered is we both share him week to week and have to both pick him up from each others houses... soi don't know how ill be responsible for transportation.. will the mediator resolve that part or bring this up? The father wants joint custody both physical and legal if I were to move back but since I'm not he wants joint legal and sole custody with me being the visiting parent. How can he even do that if our daughters been with me longer than him with me in my new home?

well the court pretty much ordered mediation to follow. what he ordered is we both share him week to week and have to both pick him up from each others houses... soi dont know how ill be responsible for transportation.. will the mediator resolve that part or bring this up? the father wants joint custody both physical and legal if i were to move back but since im not he wants joint legal and sole custody with me being the visiting parent. how can he even do that if our daughters been with me longer than him with me in my new home??

Quite frankly Im going to say this and its because Im not sure your understanding or not. So this should be clear as glass. You stole the child. Then you played games to keep him from the child by moving to another state. And now your trying to play games yet again. The courts are going to see right through this and if you refuse to start being mature about this and actually putting your child first then they will see to it that the other party does. And if neither of you can do it the child will be taken away.

Quite frankly Im going to say this and its because Im not sure your understanding or not. So this should be clear as glass. You stole the child. Then you played games to keep him from the child by moving to another state. And now your trying to play games yet again. The courts are going to see right through this and if you refuse to start being mature about this and actually putting your child first then they will see to it that the other party does. And if neither of you can do it the child will be taken away.


Absolutely - and the OP doesn't get "it." As far as the Legal Aid Attorney not being very good, again, you went from a high paying job to a Legal Aid Attorney.

Everything that can be said has been said and this is one long game to OP - in my eyes.

I assume the Court will feel the same way. They'll cut through the half truths with a knife.

OK so my best bet is coming to an agreement with the ex husband through mediation. But we both want sole physical custody and I want sole legal while he wants joint legal? How will that work out?

Well if you contine to want completely different things it won't work out. That is the point that we have been trying so hard to make. You are going to have to realize that you were in the wrong when you took your daughter and moved in with a boyfriend out of state. Therefore, you are going to have to bend what you want to make it more likely that it will be a reality. Admitting your own faults is generally the hardest part. You really need to realize that joint legal is what is going to happen so forget about trying to get sole legal. If you are still wanting physical custody you are going to have to offer him a LOT of visitation for him to even consider your proposal.

ok so my best bet is coming to an agreement with the ex husband through mediation. but we both want sole physical custody and i want sole legal while he wants joint legal? how will that work out??


You have to get real here - it doesn't matter what you want. You are clearly in the wrong. The mediator will determine what is in the best interest of the child. Keep in mind that you removed the child from the father.

I don't see you holding any bargaining chips here.

Again - what you want is going to matter very little.

Are you reading the answers?

But I thought the mediator can only make recommendations and not decisions? Like he can't decide who gets physical custody of our daughter but he will look down on me for being bad for taking our daughter away from him?

He can only make recommendations, true. But you need to work TOGETHER.

You're not BOTH going to get what you want. The mediator is there to try to help you work together to come to a decision without having to go to court. So... essentially, he's there to MEDIATE between you and your husband so that the two of you can figure it out between you.

It doesn't MATTER what the mediator thinks of you, other than whether you are actually being reasonable in determining a course of action that is best for your child. A mediator is a neutral third party.

HOWEVER--if you do have to go to court (and since I can't see either of you backing down on the physical custody thing, a mediator isn't going to do you a damned bit of good, and I think you WILL have to go to court), then your JUDGE will probably look badly on your actions of the last year or so.

Taking your child away from your husband to live with a boyfriend (and not even filing for divorce!) doesn't look good to me--it looks selfish and childish. How would you have felt if your husband had taken off to another state with your child to live with his girlfriend? How do you think people would look at that situation?

The mediator does not make the final call. Like explained earlier they are there to help the two of you stay out of court. I personally, don't see that happening. So, in the case of it going to court their recommendations and observations of their experience with the two of you will matter a great deal. I still stand by what I have said previously. You are going to have to work very hard to come to an agreement with the father because that is the best option you have. You will be worse off going to court.