My girlfriend and I are both bisexual girls and have been together for almost a year. We love each other in such a deep way we never knew was possible. She's my best friend and we both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunetly, I hurt her badly a few months before we started dating and she still isn't over it. We both knew and admitted that we had feelings for each other, but we both had boyfriends at the time. I would have broken up with my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with her, but she didn't want to hurt her guy's feelings and she insisted she loved him, even though he ignored her most the time. I was really hurting, and I decided to get my mind off it in the worst way possible. I had sex with my boyfriend even though we had been dating for only a few weeks. It's my biggest regret in my life and I'm ashamed of it. My now-girlfriend (my best friend at the time) found out and got insanely upset. She later told me she almost killed herself that day. She feels like I betrayed her trust and cheated on her. There was something special between us. She's still hurting, and it pushes her farther into her depression. She brings it up a lot and fights with me about it. I don't want to fight, and I've told her I'm sorry over and over and truly meant it. We're in love and get along perfectly most the time, but she tells me that part of her can't help hating me. What can she do to let go? What else can I say to her?

I won't comment on the life style, but I will answer your question. There is nothing she can do to let it go. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too [no pun intended]. You were not dating her AND she was dating someone else. You had sex with YOUR boyfriend. That's not her business nor her concern. Honestly, you would (by her terms) have a right to be just as upset with her... she didn't want to break up with her boyfriend. So, you had to wait for her... but it doesn't work both ways? I think she is dealing with an issue that is deeper than what is on the surface. You sleeping with someone and making her want to kill herself is a very serious issue. Encourage her to go to counseling or confide in someone she trusts. It seems like she feels depressed, confused, and abandonded. Those three characteristics are not good to have - especially not all at once. She needs help and it's taking on false responsibility if you feel like you have to be the one to help her... or if you feel you have to do it on your own...

I'll pray for both of you!

It isn't easy to put the past into the past and leave it there. Sometimes bringing up hurtful lingering events or situations, is a way of blocking full commitment. What if it happens again, is like a big stop sign in moving forward in any relationship.

I would go to couples counselling if I were in your shoes. When two lovers otherwise work out their problems, and live a compatible happy life together, and one factor prevents things from moving forward, this impasse has to be worked through.

It isn't about you sleeping with your boyfriend as much as it is a road block for your girlfriend to get past it. She feels betrayed and hurt, rightfully or not. If it weren't that, perhaps it would be something else. She cannot fully trust you, or she keeps herself from letting the past go, there are other things going on.

I think it is natural for these barriers to come up, and it is also not unusual that one party or the other hedges in dealing with it in a healthy way. While you have been honest and forthcoming in your apologies, you shouldn't have to live this relationship by continuing to be on the receiving end of her (possible) commitment issues.

Trust is the foundation, and there needs to be some understanding and insight on how to get over the fact that she still brings this up, and isn't moving forward without that hammer.

Good luck to both of you, I hope you get yourselves into counselling, and get the tools you need to help you through this.

So actually she was mad that you cheated on her when you both were cheating on your boyfriends, and she is holding a grudge. She needs to get over it, and you can patiently let her until she does. But she doesn't get to hold you hostage to her feelings while this works through her mind, nor use it to guilt you into anything.

You have to be patient without going to far and being unreasonable yourself. A lot of people honestly have more intense feelings than their partner, and it's a very tough balance between emotional out bursts.

You sound very patient, and understanding, but you have to accept your own boundaries as well.

I would simply tell her calmly that she can't keep throwing your past in your face, whenever those emotions take control. Maybe she is guilty herself, about her break up with her boyfriend, and takes it out on you. I don't know what motivates her but, setting boundaries for these rants and vents or emotional upheaval, is what's needed.

Not taking it personally will help you keep your own perspective and not get carried away yourself.