My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. We met on a dating website. Everything seems to be OK. He tells me he loves. I see him almost everyday and he stays at my apartment at least 3 or 4 nights a week. We have talked about having a future together and making plans to move in together eventually even talk of having kids together. My problem is that he still has profiles on these online dating sites. I know he had multiple profiles before me but he has recently updated his profile. When I confronted him about it he just said he was bored and it was something to do. I know he erased one but still checks his messages on another. He said he just checking his messages and there nothing wrong with that. Should I give him an ultimatum to cancel these sites or I walk?

Being active on dating sites when you're in a relationship is not good. I think confronting him would be a good idea.

You have been only dating for 4 months and you are already planning your future together and talking about having children?

If he is still on those dating sites, it sounds like he is not taking your relationship as seriously as he claims. (Actions speak louder than words)

I would personally get out of this relationship, it does not sound like there is much substance. If you are already worried about trusting him (and good reason too), its not going to get any better.

I agree that him still updating his dating profiles on those sites is kind of fishy... its like he's keeping his options open for some reason. I would confront as well.

If you don't know if you can trust him, then you don't. Trust does not consist of doubts.

You should definitely confront him. Get to the bottom of the issue. If there's no progress, then go your separate ways. There's no reason for you to drag this out.

Just remember to approach him in a calm and mature manner so that things don't get blown out of proportion.

He is obviously portraying himself as an "eligible" man or else he wouldn't be on the dating website at all. The fact that he's updating his profile and checking his messages means that he's seriously looking.

It's good that you found out now before you've invested too much time and effort into the relationship.

Move on and find someone trustworthy. He's not the one!

The first thing you have to decide is if you trust him. If you don't, get out of the relationship. Do not let yourself be blinded by the thought of, "I trust him, but I don't trust _____ (any female he might have dealings with on the dating sites or off)." That is still not trusting him.

If you do:

I don't think an ultimatum would be a good idea. Basically, you can't control what another person does and 'telling' him what to do is a form of controlling. He has to want to get rid of the profiles himself. If he doesn't, then it will end up with him making new ones and hiding them.

You need to have a discussion with him about where you both feel the relationship is at this time-not where it is going. You need to let him know that the profiles bother you and why. You need to listen to why he has kept them. It may be a safety net. He may be afraid of how fast the relationship is progressing. There may be something in his past that has him keeping his options open. Bottom line is you need to communicate with each other and set the boundaries as a couple.

Honestly, I think you are both moving way too fast. If four months seems like a long time in a relationship, then you definitely need to think about whether you can sustain a long term (years long) relationship at the pace this one is developing at. When it starts slowing down as happens in most relationships are you going to be concerned that he isn't 'in love' with you any more and that he is back on the dating sites?

I am not certain if this is a telling omission, but you say he says he loves (you), however, you don't say how you feel about him.

Does not sound to me like he is as committed as you are.
You guys have not been together but for a minute and he's sleeping over and he's still keeping his options open. What does that tell you?
Read your post, stop and think a minute...
Now what do you think.
Sounds to me like your man is still on the prowl and you might want to make sure he's not sleeping elsewhere when he's not at your house..

Don't put a lot pressure on him cause since you meet in internet... he won't make it official... just wait to see... but if you think he is pretty serious about you then do.. it...

His words say I love you, his actions say I am still looking for a female. I don't care what he says, don't believe him until his words and actions match. Until then protect yourself. Better yet tell him to stay home. Its you who need to update your own profile online. Bet he will love that!

Yes-turn the tables on him and update why o you are profile.

I smell a rat here,and after only 4 months you haven't really been together long enough to know him very well.

Its always a good thing to judge a person by their actions-words come cheap.

If you can't sit down, think to yourself.. that "I 100% trust this guy, these online date site are nothing, he's with me.. he's happy with me"... then you need to leave him.

As everyone else has said... He's still showing the world that he is single and ready to mingle!

Most people dump the dating sites once they find someone they love. 4 months is too soon to drop the big "L" word, but he should at least give you a chance!

Quite honestly, if he's not interested in you, he should be the bigger person and tell you.. Not continue to update his profiles, look for other women online and pretend to be happy with you. That's not fair to you. That's not fair to the other woman he may have found/finds.. He's boarderline player!

4 months is barely a commitment on either of your ends. Get out now before you become more emotionally involved.

And its OK! Not everyone who dates turns out to be "the one". Take it slow. You'll find someone who is true to you and will be happy with just YOU!

This is still all new to the both of you. Maybe he is thinking the same thing about you. Maybe he is feeling insecure about you maybe thinking you might walk away from him so he is leaving his options open so he won't end up alone. I think you to should sit down and have a nice long chat to see exactly what u both want and if you both agree, there is no reason why he should still have these sights open. Tell him to start a twitter account and talk to the stars or a Facebook account to get in contact with his HS friends and let them meet you. Come to a happy place where you can both be happy but give it a chance like I said, this is still very new and very fresh. Good Luck :)