I am 54, married and I really miss having a good friend. I feel extremely lonely and can't seem to commit to getting out, trying something new, etc. I feel afraid that I am slowly killing myself but don't have the energy to do anything about it. Everything is just too much work. I just had a thought... I feel like I need a hug from a MOM.

I was going through the same thing at 24. It kind of sounds like you have a depression issue. You should see a doctor about it.

Other than that there are several hundred people on this site and I am very sure you can find a kind soul to talk to. Sorry I'm not a mom or I would hug you lol. But anyway you can message me sometime if you just want someone to talk to. I like to talk.

What type of things are you into? Are you male or female?

Is there something missing in your marriage?

Thanks for getting back to me... it feels good to have a reply. I am female and married to a wonderful man who does not get depressed and can't understand how I am feeling. I am not so sure I can explain it either. I just don't know what to do, where to turn. It all seems like it takes so much energy and probably wouldn't lead anywhere. How does one get better if one does not know what the problem is?

I hate to ask this but do you think it is menapause? I mean it sounds like you are clinically depressed, and that could quite easily explain it if this is not a normal feeling for you.

Also that is a hard age, you are wondering if what you have done has been worth doing with your life. (I would think at least.)

The problem with clinical depression is that often you do not have a reason to be depressed, you just are. It's a chimical imbalance. For instence, some people have low seratonin levels, and thus the doctor would prescribe a seratonin re-uptake.

I'm not a doctor, I'd never be able to tell what your specific issues are with depression, all I can tell you is what my case was. I have been put on two different medications, and I am much better off now. No more doom and gloom about everything all the time. No more wishing I could just stay in bed all day, or shying away from social gatherings. I don't exclude myself from things anymore and actually I have become very active.

Now I hike three days a week, and I love it. It's a great stress reducer and it is totally getting me in shape. Not to mention the specific medications I am on have the side effect of weightloss so that helped out a lot lol.

But regardless, it really sounds like you have some classic symptoms of depression and I am sure it would be worth getting a doctor's point of view.

Other than that, for feel good tips I can only suggest forcing yourself to do things that you used to find fun or things that you get enthralled in. Like for me hiking and bowling were things I really got in to, and once I start one of them I keep doing it for a long time in almost an obsessive way. Thankfully my obsession is not a bad for you one you know.

But things that just get your mind moving really help. But you have to want to do it, not only for you but for your marriage. If you do not get happier you may end up causeing damage without trying to. So the point on this point is that you need to try even if it may seem hopeless. Its got to be worth it to you you know.

Just try and get excited about something and just do it. :) And its fun to challenge yourself too. Get better at what you enjoy and be the best! :D Its fun knowing that you can do something better than anyone else you know. Gives you bragging rights too hehe.

Don't ever forget though that people love you, whether it looks like it or not I am sure that there are people out there that you know that love you to death. For example your husband loves you and wants better for you I'm sure. There is a quote in my signature about life, take it to heart.

You seem like a very kind person! Yes, I am in menopause and have been for 4 years. This feeling comes and goes, but never goes for long enough that I can get in the swing of things. I do force myself during the good times but I have never feel the passion for things like before. I have made an appt to see my doctor this Friday to see if I can get some kind of relief.

Yeah you may check into hormone replacement too. And there are much lower risk alternatives than the drugs themselves. Your doc should know all about it.

Again... many thanks for your reply. Can you tell me what you hope for in a friend? Is there any point in "hoping" or is it just take what comes along(?) no matter what their adgenda is?

Sometimes breaking out and trying something new takes a little courage.

Is there something that you would like to try? A painting class? A dancing class?

I know how daunting it is to go on your own,but, to make friends you have to go where the people are.

Do you like to walk? Are there walking group in your area?

Perhaps there are other ladies in your area feeling the same way,could you arrange a coffee morning,maybe through your local church,you don't have to be religious to make contact and talk about what's happening in your community.

Talking to your husband about how your feeling will ease those feelings too.

Sunshine and exercise: Equal or superior to any antidepressant on the market for mild to moderate depression. 20 minute brisk walk each day and about an hour of sunlight will do wonders. Loneliness and isolation can only be corrected through socialization. Sit down and plan 2 outings where you will have an interaction with people. Friendships will follow.

Redhed made excellent recommendations. You're going through a transitional period and let yourself get in a rut. Nothing you have described indicates pathologic depression. You can accomplish more in a week to improve your mood than your doctor can in 5 years.

Look for improvement through people. Not pills. And stay in touch.

[QUOTE=DrBill100;2321965]Sunshine and exercise: Equal or superior to any antidepressant on the market for mild to moderate depression. 20 minute brisk walk each day and about an hour of sunlight will do wonders. Loneliness and isolation can only be corrected through socialization. Sit down and plan 2 outings where you will have an interaction with people. Friendships will follow.QUOTE]

DrBill is also right here. Sunshine can increase the level of seratonin in your brain. And thus making you feel much much better. This is why you sometimes feel that it is worse when it rains or is cloudy. And Winter sucks because you stay cooped up inside. But even in the winter that sunshine can do wonders for you. I would try these before really getting put on medications.

My situation wasn't being fixed by just getting outside. I have a huge stressor in my life that I would rather be medicated for than get rid of. Its all about what you are willing to put up with.

I also agree that red made some really great suggestions. Find something that you love to do or are interested in and that is where you need to meet friends. That way you know that you have a common interest in them. Speaking of friends though I have to say what a friendship involves is all about what the friends think friends should be.

For instance, My best friend an I love to go up north and play video games. We trust each other and we defend each other. We feel more like brothers than just friends.

But I have friends that are just social friends that I couldn't hang out with on a normal basis because we just don't share anything in common. They are fun to drink with but that's about where it ends.

Thanks all! It was nice to wake up today to some compassion and advice. I will go for a walk today and soak up what sun may be out. It will have to be alone though, as there is not one person that will walk with me. It has been discussed many times over the years but every time I suggest it... no one wants to. I can ask again, of course, but I feel so fragile right now that I am afraid of my reaction to yet another rejection. I also think that I would be lousy company and no one, except a good friend, will put up with that! If I had a good friend that wanted to go for a walk now and again, I don't think I would be feeling so bad. I try to be my own best friend but it feels like I'm just fooling myself... I am lonely. I count the hours until my husband comes home.

Thanks all! It was nice to wake up today to some compassion and advice. I will go for a walk today and soak up what sun may be out. It will have to be alone tho, as there is not one person that will walk with me. It has been discussed many times over the years but everytime I suggest it... no one wants to. I can ask again, of course, but I feel so fragile right now that I am afraid of my reaction to yet another rejection. I also think that I would be lousy company and no one, except a good friend, will put up with that! If I had a good friend that wanted to go for a walk now and again, I don't think I would be feeling so bad. I try to be my own best friend but it feels like I'm just fooling myself....I am lonely. I count the hours until my husband comes home.

Hi Pussgurka.

I'm going to suggest something no one else has simply because of this post.

Do you like dogs? Have you ever considered getting a dog?

Dogs are great companions, they also love to go on walks. If you're not up for a puppy, there are many wonderful older dogs in the shelters just waiting for a forever home.

I'm not saying a dog should replace human companionship and I agree that you need to get out there, meet people. But a dog can bring a lot of joy into your life and rescuing a dog, saving a life, well there's no better feeling.

Just something to consider. :)

Hi! Yes I love dogs, we both do. I had a dog for 13 yrs when I was younger and, yes, she was a great friend. We have just bought a house out in the country and plan on getting a dog next spring. We have gotten a kitten 6 months ago and she is company too. I know what you are saying and I really appreciate you taking time to reply to me.

Well, the walk thing did not work out yesterday... it was very cold, rainy and windy and I just could not force myself out the door. Today the sun is shining but it is still blowing like crazy. After a very hysterical cry yesterday I felt as if I was coming out of the worst part again... in a few days things will be tolerable again. Today I have done a few housechores (without enthusiasim) however I am extremely shaky. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the GP and I am trying to get it strait in my head what I will say and ask for. Three years ago I tried to get help, was sent for tests on my thyroid and of course to the ob/grn. I got no further than... this is just a stage in life now go home and deal with it. This time I plan on being very stubborn... I feel angry as heck and I'm not leaving the office without something. Is it possible to get antidepressants for a short time, just long enough to get back on my feet? I really think that some therapy would help out longer term and antid's are sort of scary. Any thoughts or advice?

You need to really tell your GP how you feel and not back down,and yes,therapy would be a good thing.

I don't know where you live,but if your GP doesn't come through,have you considered going private?

Good luck.
(Ps-love your signature!)

Your doc could prescribe you something for a short period but he/she will probably want to keep you on it. You have to make them whene you back off but you can do it. Whatever you do, no matter what you take, do not cut it out cold turkey, believe me it's a horrible idea.

Well, I must say I feel like things went well today. The Dr. I saw actually listened and asked a bunch of questions to get a good feel for what is up with me. He suggested trying some HRT... just for 1-2 months. If that proves beneficial, then we know this is truly a menopause thing and can take it from there. He did not think that Antid's were called for just now, but did give me something that I could take if I felt big time anxiety. He did a pile of blood tests too. He is putting me in touch with a therapist as he agreed that my life does sound lonely. WOW... it really feels good (as good as things get at the moment!! ) to be heard and to move forward. Many thanks to all of you that have taken time to encourage me. You have been the friends I needed! If I can do anything to help anyone of you... or someone else reading this... please just write. I feel quite grateful.

Well, I must say I feel like things went well today. The Dr. I saw actually listened and asked a bunch of questions to get a good feel for what is up with me. He suggested trying some HRT...just for 1-2 months. If that proves beneficial, then we know this is truly a menopause thing and can take it from there. He did not think that Antid's were called for just now, but did give me something that I could take if I felt big time anxiety. He did a pile of blood tests too. He is putting me in touch with a therapist as he agreed that my life does sound lonely. WOW....it really feels good (as good as things get at the moment!!!) to be heard and to move foward. Many thanks to all of you that have taken time to encourage me. You have been the friends I needed!! If I can do anything to help anyone of you...or someone else reading this....please just write. I feel quite grateful.


The entire tenor of this message is different from your previous posts. That's great. It sounds like you have a good doctor. Addressing all the right issues. A tweak here and a tweak there and you'll be at full speed.

Please keep us updated. You have a lot of people interested in you.

Bill

Hello all! Just a quick update... it's day 5 on HRT and I feel like my old self!! I hesitate to say that the road ahead is going to be smooth sailing but I feel like I can manage my feeling/reactions again. Can it really be so simple... just hormones? If there is anyone out there that has concerns about HRT and the big life change... and I can be of any help... let me know. Again thanks to all... the guys too (lol)... that got me to where I am today as compared to where I was a week(and for years) ago!! You are very kind and special folks.

Hey,great news-keep going.
Staying onboard and helping others is a good thing.

All the best and have a very good day.

Hello all! Just a quick update.... it's day 5 on HRT and I feel like my old self!!!... Can it really be so simple...just hormones??...

I am so glad to hear from you and delighted at your turnaround.