I started speaking to this girl from a mutual friend. We got on very well, but we lived a bit of a distance away from each other. I've been with her for 6 months now. We talk every day on Skype. I see her about once a month, and during the first few visits, I had intermittent erection problems. The third time she was on her period. The fourth time my erection issues disappeared and we had sex around 8 times in the space of 3 days.

Now, the last time I visited her, I was with her for 6 days and we had sex twice. Both times she wasn't as into it as she used to be and they probably, cumulatively lasted less than an hour. She knew that she wouldn't be able to see me for another 3 months. I thought this was a little odd and asked her about it; she said that she's always had a low sex drive, more or less.

Now we've just had a big chat about it and she honestly doesn't seem to really care about sex. She's said she'd be a bit disappointed if she didn't have sex once a week, and her general tone just didn't suggest a lot of enthusiasm. I now feel like I'm not very good in bed. She even used the phrase "I do like sex, it's just.. I don't have the highest sex drive". She doesn't seem particularly interested in making it any better. We always rush through sex; whenever I want to take it slow with foreplay, she'll just beg for penetration and then it's done.

I honestly don't feel very attractive right now. Is it unreasonable to think that a healthy sex life between a couple who don't see each other very often is around once a day, especially between a couple who've been going out for a few months?

Also, she doesn't like kissing. She never talks about it, just that it feels weird. I ask if there's anything I can do to make it easier; if it's my breath, I'll go brush my teeth and gargle some water. If I'm a bad kisser, I say let's practise, or just kiss me how she'd like to be kissed. She doesn't budge. To date, we've never kissed for more than a few seconds or "made out".

I feel incredibly trivial and shallow writing all this down. She's a great girl and till now, I thought I was in love with her, because I've honestly never felt like this about anyone. But I start to think why, if I am, I'm this worried about the amount of sex and physical intimacy we have and why I can't just be happy enjoying her company.

We're both 18, if this makes a difference. Do you think we're sexually incompatible? I lost my virginity to her. I just enjoy sex and I'm interested in trying out new things or making our sex life healthier, whereas it just seems like it's a mildly enjoyable chore to her. I feel shallow even bringing this up to her.

Help! If I sound incredibly immature, you can say so. This is my first serious relationship.

I think what contributes to me feeling low about this is that sex is the only real physical intimacy we have; she never really bothers with kissing and so, I kind of assume the worst and feel like she doesn't find me incredibly attractive. We cuddle a lot, and she expects me to be soppy a lot of the time. That was fine in the beginning of the relationship, but now it feels like.. I think I just feel a little exploited. I'm so confused.

Sounds to me like she hasn't had an orgasm.

And before you say she couldn't fake it, please watch "When Harry Met Sally". Believe me, she could.

Most 18 year old girls that aren't that into sex (and please note that I say "most") just don't really enjoy it. It's a way to be intimate, and it's something guys seem to expect, but it's just not that fun when you never have an orgasm--and it just gets uncomfortable after a while.

Does she masturbate? Can she get herself off?

I'm betting this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the fact that whether she says she is or not--she's not ready for sex, not comfortable enough with you, and doesn't really enjoy the whole process. Please remember, too, that one of the main worries in the back of a woman's mind during sex is "what if I get pregnant". If she is worried, she's not into the moment, and she's not really enjoying it.

Of course--if it really IS just a low sex drive, she should see her doctor. Hormonal levels fluctuate greatly in women during their teens and early 20s, and she may be right--she just doesn't have the same sex drive you do. Then again--I don't know of a single category of people that has a higher sex drive than an 18 year old male.

Look--the only thing that is going to fix this is to be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it. Don't talk about it as a "problem"--talk about it like it's something you need to learn about each other.

And frankly--if one or both of you aren't comfortable enough to TALK about your sex life, then you shouldn't be having sex anyway.

I have seen this attributed to many people but:
"Never attribute to malice what can be easily explain by ignorance or stupidity."

Now you're neither ignorant nor stupid. The idea is the same though, don't assume that it is the worst case when it could just be something different. It would be worthwhile to figure out why she isn't so much into physical intimacy.

Was this relationship always long distance? Or did it evolve into a long distance relationship? IE did you meet on the internet or were you high school sweethearts that decided to go to different colleges.

There could be multiple reasons for a lot of the behaviour. Once the reason for all this is figured out. You'll be able to figure out the path this relationship needs to tread.

We're both 18, if this makes a difference. Do you think we're sexually incompatible? I lost my virginity to her. . . .
Well there you go.

Ya, you probably aren't good in bed, I'm not trying to be mean here. No one is the first time, or sometimes, even the first year. It takes practice like any other skill. It's better this way because from here on out, sex is only going to get better for you. Sounds exciting doesn't it?

As for her reasons, I don't know, it could be anything. Synnen made a good point about the stress of pregnancy, that happened with my ex-girlfriend. She got herself worried sick about it so her libido was dead.

Sounds to me like she hasn't had an orgasm.

And before you say she couldn't fake it, please watch "When Harry Met Sally". Believe me, she could.

Most 18 year old girls that aren't that into sex (and please note that I say "most") just don't really enjoy it. It's a way to be intimate, and it's something guys seem to expect, but it's just not that fun when you never have an orgasm--and it just gets uncomfortable after a while.

Does she masturbate? Can she get herself off?

I'm betting this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the fact that whether she says she is or not--she's not ready for sex, not comfortable enough with you, and doesn't really enjoy the whole process. Please remember, too, that one of the main worries in the back of a woman's mind during sex is "what if I get pregnant". If she is worried, she's not into the moment, and she's not really enjoying it.

Of course--if it really IS just a low sex drive, she should see her doctor. Hormonal levels fluctuate greatly in women during their teens and early 20s, and she may be right--she just doesn't have the same sex drive you do. Then again--I don't know of a single category of people that has a higher sex drive than an 18 year old male.

Look--the only thing that is going to fix this is to be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it. Don't talk about it as a "problem"--talk about it like it's something you need to learn about each other.

And frankly--if one or both of you aren't comfortable enough to TALK about your sex life, then you shouldn't be having sex anyway.

I know she hasn't had one. She's told me so. She also knows I'd much rather she was honest about how much she enjoys sex rather than faking. During sex, apart from the last time I visited, it did seem like she enjoyed it. But I see what you mean. I once watched a lot of videos on someplace called Cherry TV where women talked honestly about sex and it did seem like a lot of girls at 18 and thereabouts that don't orgasm only have sex to want to feel loved by their boyfriend, and it saddens me.

She masturbates occasionally. She usually tells me when she does, and occasionally we have mutual masturbation sessions on Skype. But she's never orgasmed from it; she just gets bored after a while, or this is what she tells me. She's not very open about what exactly happens.

In light of this I've tried to be very understanding. I try not to say too much about it in case she feels pressurised. I'm more than happy to spend hours going down on her to find out what works for her, she just never particularly enjoys it. She likes being fingered, however. She once said that her just doesn't do that much for her, which is odd because it has, on occasion, during sex. She also masturbates with her and the occasional fingering, so, I don't know.

I don't think she's very comfortable with her body either. She's comfortable knowing that I love every inch of her, but I don't think she is herself.

I doubt it's a pregnancy worry, we've talked about, we always practise safe sex with extra safe condoms. It could be that she's not that comfortable with me, just that there are no other signs of that.

I'm also just looking for reassurance that I'm not being incredibly shallow in thinking about this, or being a chauvinist pig "expecting" sex a certain amount of times. Like I said, it's not the actual sex that bothers me, just the lack of real physical intimacy as a whole. She isn't often particularly passionate either. I do wonder if she's very inhibited, but again, she doesn't really show many signs of it.

Sorry, this has come out quit elong. But yes, I'm well aware that many girls her age have sex for the wrong reasons and that she hasn't had an orgasm. I can't quite figure out how to nudge her into being sexually curious about herself enough to want to have an orgasm without feeling like I'm pressurising her.

First of all, the worst thing to do is go crazy with sex when its long distance and your only seeing each other once a month. It is obvious to me and probably this other person that maybe that is all you think about is sex.

Sorry but it is hard to keep a long distance relationship. See each other and just have sex and leave again. She probably feels like a cheap Whore right now to be honest with you.

Is or was she a virgin?
First times can be awkward and in different but you trying too hard might actually not be pleasurable to her.

Too much focus on the actual act of sex then actually getting to know each other and to be quite honest with you, your like strangers.

Thanks guys.

We spoke on the internet mostly, with videocalls etc, yes.

And I know I'm not going to be great at sex immediately, and that it will take practise. She just doesn't seem particularly enthusiastic about practising, haha.

I am seeing her again in two weeks, end of the 3 months, and if she's still as reticent about it as she has been, I'll be worried.

We've always been long distance. I've tried talking to her about the physical intimacy thing, but again, she just keeps saying it "feels weird". She's only had one ex, and he was apparently enormously well-endowed and a very inconsiderate lover, terrible at kissing, and all round unpleasant guy.

I'd be fine with the kissing issue if it was a gradual thing of slowly being more comfortable with kissing me. But it isn't! Every time I visit her, she only really starts to get into kissing me a few hours before I have to leave. Which is odd. It hasn't happened recently though. Recently it seems like she's just been stuck in a rut.

Also, another note: I'm the one going up to see her. I'm always saying we should go out and do things in her local city, get a mood going. Most of the time she's just interested in cuddling and watching TV and surfing the internet. This probably has something to do with all of it. I don't think we'll have a great romantic atmosphere going if all we ever do is watch Wife Swap and play Chess and Scrabble.

Problem is, every time I say I want to do something, she says she feels weird about it, because she's socially awkward and feels more comfortable with me when it's just the two of us, and not in a café or bar or something.

Confused.

Jesushelper1976, I appreciate how it might sound like that, but I know how difficult an LDR is. I wouldn't be in one if I didn't feel very very strongly about her. You have no idea how much I've put into this relationship, so it really isn't just about the sex. We don't "just have sex" and leave. I stay with her for periods of 5 days at a time, and if most of that was taken up with sex, I would feel a little weird. I'm not saying we should have sex 24/7, just that some comfortable physical intimacy, that isn't rushed, and feels passionate, would be quite nice.

I know how difficult long distance relationships can be. And you know what they not always turn out bad but eventually somebody has to make a move if they want to further the relationship in some level. To make it long term, do you know what I mean.

I know they don't always turn out bad. I've gotten to know plenty of people and there's honestly no-one I'd rather spend my time with. She's an amazing person. Just that all of this puzzles me a bit.

Here's the thing:

If you're talking on the internet and visiting once a month, you're not dating.

There's no DATE involved here--there's talking, feelings, and sex.

INSIST on meeting and hanging out with her friends. She needs to meet YOUR friends, too. You SHOULD be doing social things as part of your time together, or you're not really dating--you're FWB.

Talk her into dinner out. Talk her into going to a club with some of her friends. Make sure that at least ONE of the evenings you're there, it's about having fun together, and NOT about sex or cuddling or whatever.

I try! She always just insists that she feels odd about it. The most we've done is go for coffee and go for walks. I've mentioned that she'll be able to visit me in the summer, and I live in a much bigger city and we're planning to do a lot of things together.

For some reason, she just doesn't really like a lot of the people she knows, doesn't like the city where she lives, and so doesn't feel like spending a lot of time doing something.

I'm more than happy to go on real dates and have fun. I just wish she was too.

I have a stinking suspicion about this.

She isn't dating anyone else. Can we move past contingencies that I haven't mentioned and focus on what I have?

There is a correlation between the amount of times we go out and do things and how physically intimate she is. We used to sit by a river near her house and talk a lot, and that was really great. We haven't done it for a while, though.

How do you know? Can we move past it as quick as we can. Why is it an uncomfortable suggestion that you might not see?

I know because I trust her. She wouldn't put up with the amount of stress long distances can cause if she didn't feel strongly about me. She wouldn't miss me so much after a day or two of not talking if she didn't feel strongly about me. We've both had opportunities with people that we knew we could have something with, but turned them down in favour of each other. Now, when you've got some real advice, I'd be keen to hear it.

Sorry, that sounded rude when I didn't I intend it to be.

See? There's a correlation between when you get out of her place and do something and how intimate you are.

So... tell her that YOU want to do something. Plan it long distance--make a reservation and tell her she has to have a dress on and be ready to go out by X time because you have a surprise for her.

I know how difficult long distance relationships can be. and you know what they not always turn out bad but eventually somebody has to make a move if they want to further the relationship in some level. To make it long term, do you know what I mean.

Yes, that sounded very rude... That is why I am not going to continue here.

Like I said the only real advice is for one of you to make an eventual move so there is more time to get to know each other. So there is actually a chance to make things work and spend more time together, but I guess you missed that when you got all defensive with me. I am wasting my breath and time here because according to you nothing I have said is not real.

That is as real as you are going to get...

Bye and good luck.

Thanks Synnen. I've tried before, but she's just said, I quote, "it's not that I don't want to do things and have fun with you, I'm just incredibly awkward in social situations". I'll give it another shot.

Jesushelper, I appreciate you trying to offer advice but you never really listened to anything I had to say. What do you think 6 months of talking to each other is if not getting to know each other? I've friends who I've known for a few years and I already feel that she's closer to me than any of them have been. Most days, we talk for several hours a day. Getting to know each other is not the issue; having normal dates like a normal couple would, is.

I listened to you all right. Did you listen to me?

I was in long distance relationship longer then you and you know what the only way to get to know somebody BETTER IS actually by being with each other. FACT.

As said before, talking, computer connection and etc IS NOT DATING.

Yes, getting to know each other is a MAJOR ISSUE. If you known each other well enough you would know what is going on with her, but you do not.

That is why you are here asking questions.

Having normal dates is what helps to get to know each other. Being out together and spending more quality time together is what will help. The only way for that to truly happen is for one of you to come closer and make a move and get to know each other BETTER.

Okay. Thanks. I'm sorry if I came across as rude before. I can imagine that spending quality time doing something together makes you get to know someone better, I think I just took issue with the way you made it sound like we were virtual strangers who just happened to meet up once in a while.

Thanks for your advice, everyone.

She makes sense to me. Both kissing and going out, she's afraid she will fail and be seen as unworthy. She is worried that more will be expected if she gives an inch. Just going for a walk with you doesn't put her into intimidating situations with others around. Kissing you just before you leave eliminates dealing with that type of intimacy throughout your entire visit.

Most people love to go out with friends to a restaurant or the mall. Some of us find such activities exhausting and frightening. If she says she feels weird, she feels weird.

The person who likes to go out, kiss frequently and meet strangers probably finds this girl puzzling. In fact, they'll tell you to make her go out.

If you're going to force her to do something she says makes her feel weird, like going out; then how different is that from tying her up and stimulating her clitoris until she orgasms?

You're right. She is slightly socially awkward, as am I. Which is what makes this a little difficult. I've given it a mull over and I've moved past the sexual parts of what's bothering me; I think it honestly does have its roots in not doing many things together. We cook together, we read our favourite books and poems to each other, we watch TV, we play scrabble and chess, we have sex, and we cuddle.

I've tried reassuring her that there's no way that she can fail in my eyes, but I'm just at a loss for what to do. I think I'm going to try talking to her about it the next time I see her, and if that doesn't work, just give her some space and see where she wants to take this relationship.

Also, I don't care that hse doesn't want to go to the restaurant or the mall with friends. I don't either, with my friends, because after a few hours I feel exhausted, mentally. THe thing is, we're both, to each other, the first person whose company doesn't exhaust us. I just want to make the most of that and have memories together of us going out and doing things, rather than being in her house for 5 days.

Dingo,
Honey, you are so young and I'd like to give a little advice. You are crazy about this girl and you sound so sweet so I'm pretty sure you are over thinking things. I'm a 39 yr old mom, married to my high school sweetheart. I hesitate to give you advice because you are only a bit older than my oldest child but here goes.
Part of you troubles may be because you come from a very different background than she does. For example, my husband comes from a family where his parents were very open with their affections and joked with each other about sex (in a somewhat tasteful manner.) My family was quite different and my parents dodged the sex talk, always. I, being the youngest of three girls saw my three older sisters have children at 16, 18 and 19. None planned. I was determained that I wouldn't do the same. I had very good parents but they just were not open. Sex seemed mysterious and rather sinful.
I dated my husband through high school and had a long distance relationship with him while he attended college, four hours away. There was no sex because I didn't want to get pregnant too! Goodness knows he tried. Anyway, I'm getting to the point! The first time we had sex was when he was a senior in college. We had become engaged a few months prior and it seemed like the right time. While I was visiting we went for it. After 5 years of anticipation he was so nervous and I was waiting for this fabulous, exciting, earth shattering experience. It was great for him but it stunk for me. Was this what it was all about? It didn't last long and I couldn't understand why he felt super and I was left wondering what the fuss was about. There must be something wrong with me. I was feeling pretty guilty by the time I got back home to my parents and were sure that they, along with everyone else, knew I had done IT. Of course they didn't. After we did a few more times it was still the same. One day while watching TV I saw a talk show about sex. Can't remember which one. Anyway there was an expert who did a demonstration. She crossed her left hand in front of her body and placed it, palm up, under her right elbow (extending the right arm as if you were showing your muscles, hand above elbow.) She brought her right arm down hard into her left hand (hope that makes sense) doing this several times up and down. That is what it feels like to women, especially when dealing with inexperience. Everything excited him. Women take a lot more effort. It was nearly 2 years of marriage before I knew what it should feel like. Wow! It does take practice but it also takes communication. Men don't know what they are doing until someone trains them. Find out what she likes, even if she doesn't know what that is herself. She may feel that something is wrong with her because she doesn't enjoy it like you do. It's not your fault, it's just the way it works. Females are almost always much harder to please.
As far as going out, she may feel like everyone around the two of you will know what you've been doing (wink, wink.) Especially if she is so shy. Make sure she knows that sex isn't why you like her. Be patient and don't pressure. Let us know how you are doing!

Thanks a lot! Yeah, I'm going to try and take things slowly and reassure her that this is all only because I feel really strongly about her. I've had a lot of free time recently and just had a look around forums and certain websites and friends' experiences I've just appreciated how different people are when it comes to sex and how they feel about it. I really shouldn't be an idiot and somehow chastise my girlfriend for it. I'm sure it'll be fine with patience.

I want to help her as much as I can to feel less unusual about it. There are so many resources on the web to help women not feel alone or sexually unusual, like that Cherry TV site that I mentioned, and I want to tell her about them but I'm worried she'll think I'm being overbearing and strange.

Tv, internet or whatever else.

I think it should be you two together discovering things naturally. Every girl and guy are different and it is about exploring each other. The more time you have together physically the more you will learn about each other and it will eventually come naturally.

As the above poster said it took a good two years of being together to get to a certain point of knowing each other sexually..

I try! She always just insists that she feels odd about it. The most we've done is go for coffee and go for walks. I've mentioned that she'll be able to visit me in the summer, and I live in a much bigger city and we're planning to do a lot of things together.

For some reason, she just doesn't really like a lot of the people she knows, doesn't like the city where she lives, and so doesn't feel like spending a lot of time doing something.

I'm more than happy to go on real dates and have fun. I just wish she was too.

I really, really hate to ask this question. Have you sat down and contemplated your relationship while asking yourself the question: Is she the right person for me?

I think you should ask yourself that before you invest more time into this. The answer could do either way, but only you can answer it.

Ha. No, I have. I've almost always decided that she is. I think we both have busy lives, and come summer, I'll be able to know for sure.

It's just that there has been no-one I've met that I can spend so much time with as comfortably as I can with her, but I know I'm only young and that life is, well, life. But as far as right now, yes, I think she's great.

I think part of the sexual issue may be to do with my own self esteem. Throughout my life, I've been rejected for someone else, romantically, sexually, pretty much in every sense. I think I'm just a little, albeit irrationally, worried that she'll eventually break up with me as a result of not being great in bed, and waltz into someone else's arms who just happens to be amazing in the sack. And I know that's something I need to talk to her about, so I will.

Thanks again, everyone. I would be curious to hear more from simone though.

I have a problem with OP being rude, then apologizing for being rude and then being rude again - and only wanting to hear what he wants to hear.

I'm a female; I dated a lot of guys; there's a reason she won't go out in public with you.

I don't know what it is.

Sorry if I came across that way. Fair enough. I know there is a reason, but knowing her as I do, it really is unlikely to be because she's ashamed to be seen with me, if that's what you were implying. But advice is advice, and I will take it on board and ask her about it.

I'm not saying ashamed - I'm just saying there's a reason.

Whatever that reason may be -

Well, I don't know if this will shed that much light on it, but it seems to explain it pretty well:

We had a long talk about it one night. She gets judged, a lot, like most people. The people she knows at her high school judge her as vapid for superficial reasons, and she generally just doesn't find that the effort she puts into socialising with people pays off with much enjoyment. So she kind of.. half-floats through social situations, with most people she knows not really knowing what she's like as a person.

She's just maintained that it would feel strange for her to be as open with me in public as she is with me in private, because she's so used to sheltering herself and what she's really like when she's around in her city (I exaggerate when I say city, it's really a glorified town).

And it's true. The one time we had coffee, surrounded by people, she wasn't very talkative. It was a lot easier when we sat by the river in the town, when there weren't many people to bother us. So I guess it's just the fact that most things that you "do" outside is usually surrounded by people which makes her feel awkward. So I'll try and think of things to do that don't put us in that position.

Maybe she is just so insecure that she doesn't like going out... period. She sounds very shy and may be afraid of someone teasing her about having a boyfriend, no matter who he is. Especially if she has grown up with these kids. It can take a long time to get over hurt feelings and kids can be very cruel. I still cringe when I think about running into some of the people I knew in high school. Yikes!

Okay - I got the part where you are both 18. She's in high school. I don't know about you.

Where are you having sex? She has her own apartment?

Confused -

Her house, at the weekends, when her mother visits her boyfriend.

Let's see - long distance relationship, both virgins, she is reluctant to have sex (or whatever the problem is), when you do have sex it's in her mother's house while her mother is at her boyfriend's house. Whether you are using adequate birth control is anyone's guess.

She doesn't want to be seen in public with you.

I see all sorts of red flags here from the sneaking around aspect and her not wanting to have to answer questions to fears of pregnancy to trust issues with her mother.

Does her mother even know about you?

I think I'm going to join Jesushelper on another thread.

Who said she was a virgin? She's not. She's been comfortable with sex in the past. Something's been off recently. We are always protected; she's on the pill and I use extra safe condoms, which you'd have noticed if you read everything I'd posted.

She's not sneaking around; her mother has met me and gets along very well with me. Surely it's understandable that having sex while her mother is in the house is a little awkward? Fears of pregnancy? Trust issues? Please stop jumping to conclusions.

Well, gee, it's nice to be judged. Anyway, thanks for all the advice, everyone.

She doesn't want to be seen in public with you.

It seems that, if I understand right, she doesn't like going out into public because she will be judged. Why? Who knows. Apparently it happens a lot.

Long distance relationships can work, but seldom do. They've never worked for me, or most people I know. Usually the distance is too great and better more emotionally available options tend to appear. Not saying this is what is going to happen.

Second of all, we are all judged every day of our lives. We walk into our jobs, or to the store, or anywhere in public and we will be judged. Fact of life. If that is the reason that she doesn't want to go out in public with you then is she seeking any help to get over this issue? Does she want to get over this issue?

Also, your relationship seems to be based on hiding. Hiding from society. Hiding from her family. Hiding from your family? Hiding from friends. Step back and look at this from our vantage point. Something is hinky here.

Lastly. She needs to get a better handle on how her body works. If she wants to enjoy sex then she needs to figure out how to enjoy sex. It is something that sucks at first but gets better. Trust me, losing my cherry consisted of sticking it in, having the thought "OMG I am having teh sexss" and then spooging. It took time and attention to connect with my lover.

Give it time, explore. Try some mutual masturbation, try some toys, try to demystify the entire act and connect as lovers.

And for the love of all that is holy, use birth control. You can ignore everything that is said here but this. Before you zap her, wrap your zapper.

Well, gee, it's nice to be judged. Anyway, thanks for all the advice, everyone.

You got what you paid for. Free advice. Take it as you will.

Thanks for your advice. I know how it looks, when described, so I thought I'd try and clear this up:

I met her mother the second time I stayed over at her house. We're on very good terms and I'm more than comfortable to sit down with her when I'm visiting my girlfriend and have a chat. She knows we have sex. The last time I visited her, I met her dad, he was a stellar guy. My parents haven't had the chance to meet her yet, but the plan is for them to meet her in the summer. She has met my brother because he once drove me up here, and they get on like a house on fire. I'm not sure I know where this assumption about our relationship being a sordid little secret came in. Like I said, we do spend time sitting by this one river that flows from her house to the centre of town and walk by it; It just seems to be crowded coffeehouses and places like that which makes things awkward.

I've met her friends too, on the few occasions that we were around town; they seem like all right folks, but I can see why she'd get tired of them after a while.

It doesn't seem that hard to imagine to me that a naturally shy person, who opens up to only one particular person, would find it difficult to be as open when they're out in crowded places? I know I'm going to have to talk to her and see what her view is on getting over this hitch though, so thank you again for your advice. As for the sexual side of things, I now know that it's going to take patience for us to really connect sexually, and that's what I'll try to do.

Hi Dingo, I think that there may be way too much over analysis of the situation on your part. May I be frank? I just don't think she's that into you.

I suspect that because you're both young and you're so eager, she may not even know how to respond or how to tell you what she wants or feels.

You say she's been comfortable with sex in the past - do you mean in the past with you? You say she won't kiss you, and feels uncomfortable being in public with you. You say she won't open up and discuss how she feels.

I have to ask - why do you persist? There doesn't seem to be much fun or pleasure in this relationship and it sounds as if you're constantly hitting your head against a brick wall.

Be realistic - you can try and 'help' her all you want, but it sounds as if she ain't responding... sometimes the spark just isn't there.

By all means keep trying - you sound like someone that doesn't give up easily - but perhaps the answer is simpler that you thought?

Could well be the case, Gemini. Yes, I meant in the past with me.

It's just strange because there are so many things, phsyical and emotional that just seem to suggest that she does really like me and being with me, just that they don't seem to match up on the physical side of things. The little things, you know?

I'll be talking to her about this, and be brutally honest with myself based on what her reactions are. She does kiss me, just that it always seems to be whenever I'm leaving. The length of how long I'm staying with her doesn't matter; in the beginning, I almost have to ask to kiss her, but by the end, she honestly seems more into it than me, just that she has to stop after a few seconds.

It's been nice to get some brutally honest advice, and it has helped me think about the way I'm going to approach this.

Could well be the case, Gemini. Yes, I meant in the past with me.

It's just strange because there are so many things, phsyical and emotional that just seem to suggest that she does really like me and being with me, just that they don't seem to match up on the physical side of things. The little things, you know?

I'll be talking to her about this, and be brutally honest with myself based on what her reactions are. She does kiss me, just that it always seems to be whenever I'm leaving. The length of how long I'm staying with her doesn't matter; in the beginning, I almost have to ask to kiss her, but by the end, she honestly seems more into it than me, just that she has to stop after a few seconds.

It's been nice to get some brutally honest advice, and it has helped me think about the way I'm going to approach this.

Why don't you back off completely and see what happens... don't ask for anything - kisses, whatever... see what her response is.

If you're wanting to explore your sexuality - she may not be the one to do it with!

I've tried; she does ask for kisses, but usually pecks on the lips. Even if I back off, she does just cuddle up to me and start saying quite sweet things and eventually puckering up.

And yeah, I'm starting to realise that now. It's just a shame. I really really like being with her.

Thanks again.

Are you sure your infatuation with her isn't connected with having sex for the first time - it's a heady experience and under any other circumstance you could very well be totally fed up with her.

Again, you are probably overthinking things. Being a teenager can be very difficult, and 18 is still very young. I was probably close to 30 by the time I thought I had a grasp on how the opposite sex thinks. I still have days when I don't have a clue what my husband is thinking. I like to have a lot of friends, he says he only needs me. I like to talk for hours, he doesn't. I'm very outgoing, he isn't. We just seem to make it work. He likes amusement parks, I don't.
I don't think any two people could have everything in common. He really loves to go camping. I really, really hate it. I try to go once a year to make him happy and he takes his brother the rest of the time. If you really like going out than you should work out a compromise.
I don't know what to think about the sex in the mother's house thing. I would have never done it and I know for sure that mine won't be doing it in my house. I can't imagine any parent agreeing to that.
I want to say, in the kindest possible way, that you could be suffocating the girl. You may be trying too hard to make things perfect when she is just wanting things to progress naturally.

JudyKayTee, I have thought of that, but I don't think it was that, as my feelings for her only really developed in the last few months. Losing my virginity was a pretty awkward affair. It's a good observation though, and I have thought about it, but it doesn't seem to ring true.

I'm not expecting everything to be "perfect". I know that people are different, and that no matter how comfortable people are with spending time with each other, there are going to be incompatibilities. Haha, we're quite similar on the camping front; she doesn't like the idea, I love it. She's a lot more susceptible to stress and I'm relatively more laid back. It's a nice balance.

I've tried not to force things forward too much; she was the one who initiated sex, when I was feeling unsure. I think, in hindsight, it may have been a too soon to do so when we can't even seem to really communicate openly about things. So I think I'll try and get us to work on that. Thanks a lot; every one of you has really helped.

On a side note, I really don't get the shock over teenagers having sex in their house; most teenagers live with their parents. Some of these teenagers have sexual partners; naturally, when their parents are away for an extended period, they're going to have their partner come over. It doesn't seem particularly scandalous to me.

On a side note, I really don't get the shock over teenagers having sex in their house; most teenagers live with their parents. Some of these teenagers have sexual partners; naturally, when their parents are away for an extended period of time, they're going to have their partner come over. It doesn't seem particularly scandalous to me.


Come back and post in 20 years when your kids are having sex in your house, behind your back, breaking your trust with them. You are looking at this with 18 year old eyes - which makes sense because you ARE 18.

Maybe her mother allows her to have sex in the house during the mother's absence. I have no problem with that because the daughter isn't sneaking around. I don't know what type of protection she uses and how aware her mother is.

If the mother doesn't know and trusts her, then I have a problem.

If you are determined to have sex it's going to happen somewhere and the house is probably the safest place. If she gets pregnant the mother is (again, probably) going to scream, "In my house when I was gone?"

Fair enough. The mother knows, we're both protected. I can see why you'd be concerned.