Here is something I have found about the no contact rule. I hope it helps others as much as me.

So, you’ve had your heart broken, probably begged and tried to convince your ex to get back together with you and failed. Realising that staying in contact is causing you more pain than you can handle, you take the step of implementing this ‘No Contact’ (NC) that we advocate widely on the forum.

So what’s it about then? And what is going to happen?

Hopefully, most of the answers will be in this thread What is No Contact?

While a seemingly simple question, there are variations of what ‘No Contact’ can mean.

1) You tell your ex that you won’t be contacting them and that they shouldn’t contact you.
2) You don’t tell your ex anything, and just drop off the face of the Earth.
3) You don’t tell your ex anything, you stop contacting them…but still allow them to contact you and you reply. (potentially damaging)

In my opinion, the most effective forms of NC are 1 and 2. They allow you to heal, as the ex isn’t given any way of providing you with hope (bait) or potentially emotionally damaging information (who wants to hear how great their life is without you?)

When starting NC, it is up to you what you want to say to your ex. Most people seem to say something along the lines of “Don’t call me unless you change your mind and want to give us another try”. It might also help to let them know that the window of opportunity to reconcile (from your perspective) will not be open forever.

You also may want to tell the ex why your cutting them out of your life – tell them it is so you can heal and move on. And in reality that IS why you’re doing it……


Why implement No Contact?

First and foremost, you are removing the source of your pain (your ex) from your life. If they aren’t in your life, they cannot hurt you – it’s as simple as that. And while the loss of the ex from your life in itself is painful, the benefits far outweigh the initial emotional turmoil.
No Contact allows you to get back on your feet and start to feel confident in who you are again. Remember a time when you were single and happy? Well No Contact is going to put you on the road to getting back to that point.
Some may be reluctant to take steps to regain independence, but you are useless to anyone (including your ex if they want you back) if you are unable to be happy with yourself.

No Contact can also serve another purpose, and this is the one that (if you are seeking reconciliation) will probably be used by you as inspiration to keep strong in avoiding picking up that phone or sending that email.
And that is of course, to send your ex a wake-up call and perhaps make them second-guess their decision to end the relationship.



Will No Contact bring my ex back?

Perhaps, perhaps not. There is no fool-proof way to get your ex back…if there were, we would all be using it and would all have our exes back.

There has to be some desire to reconcile inside your ex – NC will not create that desire, but it may certainly bring any underlying doubts they have to the surface. That does not mean that your ex will act on these doubts…but you can be certain that NC will at the very least make them realise just what life without you is like.



Will my ex miss me?

To be honest, it shouldn’t matter – you should be doing NC for YOU. Having said that, it is always easier to stay focused on maintaining NC if you know that it is having at least some effect on your ex.
So, will they miss you? In most cases (unless you have become a thorn in their side), yes - absolutely.
For those who have exes that want to remain friends: Why do you think that is?
It’s because they want you in their life. Exes very rarely stay friends…so in effect, when an ex asks to stay friends they are essentially saying “I still want you in my life”.
They are not ready to let you go (yet), so by implementing NC you are forcing them to lose you right then and there. NC prevents the ex from using you to cushion the blow of the break-up….by weaning themselves off you slowly.
Without NC you can be certain that once your ex is back on their feet emotionally (helped there by you), that the ‘friendship’ that seemed so important to them at the time will be non-existent.
No Contact is a far better option than staying friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal more quick. NC causes your ex pain and allows you to heal more quick

Not exactly rocket science, huh?

When should I implement No Contact?

ASAP but you must be certain that you can stay strong and stick to it. NC isn’t a decision that should be reversed until you are completely healed. If you keep implementing NC and then breaking it, it sends a message to your ex that you are needy and haven’t got the strength or the conviction to follow through on your commitments. Using NC without being genuinely committed to it is a recipe for disaster – you will break it and look weak. And you if you try to use NC again, your ex will not be too bothered….because “You said that last time”.

That’s why NC should not be used as a ‘shock tactic’ – don’t expect to implement NC and for your ex to come running back to you in a week or even a month. If you use NC, you have to be in it for the long haul.




Will No Contact push my ex away?

If there is hope for your relationship, then no it won’t – it will make your ex think about their decision.
After a few weeks of NC, you’ll probably get worried and start deluding yourself with thoughts like “Maybe they’ve forgotten about me…and maybe they think I don’t still love them”.
If that’s the way you’re thinking, then how about considering this: If you have NC with your ex for a few weeks and then contact them to tell you that you still care…what message does that send?
It says to your ex “I implemented NC to move on and heal…and now 3 weeks down the track I haven’t moved on or healed at all.”
The ex will again know that they can still have you if they want you…and even if they don’t hear from you for another few weeks, they won’t be overly concerned – the last few weeks hadn’t diminished your feelings, so why would the ex think the next few will?
Not a bad little (HUGE) security boost for the ex there, huh? Not to mention a huge step backwards for your good self.


How long will I keep hurting?

For as long as you allow yourself to. Remember, the ex is now out of your life – they cannot hurt you. So if you’re still feeling pain it is coming from within you – not from them.
It is perfectly normal to miss your ex, and by miss I mean that some days will be almost unbearable.
Go out, meet with friends (don’t talk about the ex!) or if it’s late at night think about the things you didn’t like about your ex…and even revisit arguments you may have had with them. If you have to think about your ex, think about the negatives.

Thinking about the good times is pointless – there is no possibility of having them back at the moment, and to dwell on what you once had is ultimately self-destructive.

Ideally, you should be doing your best to not think about your ex – do whatever it takes and keep busy. The less you think about them, the less you will hurt. Soon enough, not thinking about them will become normal.


What if the ex breaks NC and calls/emails me?

Two options: Respond or don’t respond.

If you have completely given up hope or don’t wish to reconcile with your ex – ignore the contact and keep ignoring any further attempts at contact. Easy.

If you are seeking reconciliation, then it depends on what the ex says when they contact you.
If they are calling for a ‘catch up’, politely tell your ex that you were serious about NC and that they must respect your decision. This call may come after a few days, a few weeks or a few months. Don’t get into any discussions about yourself and what you’re up to – keep it short, and make it clear to your ex that NC isn’t just a whim….you are serious about it. Remind them, if it comes up, that friendship is not an option.

Make it clear that you are respecting their decision to end the relationship, and now they have to respect your decision to end contact.
If you are seeking reconciliation, you also have every right to question your ex about their intentions if they contact you. Do so at the beginning of the interaction – there’s no point having a great conversation with the ex and getting your hopes up only to find out at the end of the call that nothing has changed. Save yourself the trouble and find out at the start - if their motivation for calling you is anything short of what you are after, terminate the conversation politely…but quickly.


Tips

Remove any photos and reminders you have of your ex from your life. Put them in a box and pack them away. You don’t need things like that preventing you from moving on.

Copy down your ex’s email address and phone numbers on a piece of paper, and put them in the same box. Then delete the email address from your computer and their numbers from your phone.

If you are strong enough to delete their contact details without writing them down, then do it! If not, do the above – it will remove the temptation to contact your ex (especially when you are out having a couple of drinks or at home alone in front of the PC ).

Stop talking about your ex with your friends. They’ll get sick of it, and it won’t help you one bit.

This is really good advice : ) I have done the packing stuff into a box, and deleted the mobile no etc

I like this advice 4answers, but where did you find it? Would you mind telling us your source please?
Thanks. :o

Fabulous article. You have to be very strong though to keep it going. That is the only way it will work. I anyone can do this I think they should be very proud of themseleves.

Give credit where credit is due, the article is lifted from here:
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131094

Nice one 4answers!!

Wish I had read that the day after my ex said she needed space.

I didn't though. And I didn't find this place until it was too late.

I begged, cried, pleaded etc. uuuggghhhhh yuck!

It was horrible and I regret it so much and ultimately it just pushed her so much farther away! Sad!

That's why I implore people to listen to the advice here. It doesn't sounds logical at first but as we all find out it is pretty much all spot on the money!

Wish i had read that the day after my ex said she needed space.

i didnt though. And i didnt find this place til it was too late.

I begged, cried, pleaded etc. uuuggghhhhh yuck!

It was horrible and i regret it so much and ultimately it just pushed her so much farther away! Sad!

Thats why i implore people to listen to the advice here. it doesnt sounds logical at first but as we all find out it is pretty much all spot on the money!!

You and me both Skell as you know...

Yet luckily, I don't think I did it too much a couple of times but I still did it and even once is bad enough but when you are the one left behind, it really, really hurts!

Yes, that was a great article, full of balance too..

Not just focusing on no contact as a means of getting an ex back but focusing on aiding the healing and acceptance.

Hat off to 4answers for finding it..

The biggest mistake coming here is thinking the no contact is about winning the ex back. It is a common one and one I must admit I made myself at first.

But it isn't, it is about YOU and you alone.

Your right though, it really does hurt being left behind and you think that you need to prove your love again. Doesn't work that way sadly. Otherwise I would have won her back no problem the way I carried on. LOL!

If I were completely honest Skell,

I am still not 100% free of getting the 'will she come back' completely out of my system but I think less about it and I don't think of no contact as a way to get her back anymore..

I have many people on here to thank for that.. and grateful to you all too.

There is a little devil back there sometimes (in my head) that says 'what if she did?'

I guess that is just being human.. and I know I bang on about how much No Contact is for focusing on you and I really believe what others have told me...

There will always be some thought process there at the back of the head, I think?

But I am a realist!

Skell, Geoff and me wish we had read that article earlier on! Just before we broke up, I said I needed to talk to him, then decided just to leave it in case he split up with me (he wasn't really one for talking things through) he then had been thinking for a dew days that week and ended it. I didn't just leave him though, I called him and text him. When I look back now, maybe if I hadn't done that things would be different.

Without this site, I'm sure I would have done the same thing as you did. wap! No contact has really given me time to think about myself and how to throw off the chains that had kept me from enjoying life without some paranoid fear of people. Sadly, it took losing my first true love to get here, but I think the trade off was more than fair.

It's her loss.

Yeah now for some positive thinking we will know what to do if it ever happens us again ;-)))))))))

Sometimes in all the discussion about NC, and even the debates in peoples' minds about NC -- I hear them sifting though the breakup part, asking themselves if they had handled the final days of the relationship leading up to the breakup better, could they have influenced whether the breakup occurred or not.

First of all, do see that all this sifing of the final days is really separate from the "no contact" stuff since the NC ought not come into play for anyone until AFTER the break up. If you are thinking you can apply no contact before a breakup, well, I would love to hear from anybody how that's going to work for salvaging a clearly distressed relationship. If it's that distressed, implementing no contact isn't going to help it. Lots of others thing will, but that won't. NC is not being defined or used as some kind of recess or time out. Now that would be different and might help and last I looked, that is called a s-e-p-a-r-a-t-i-o-n.

Which brings me to the other point-- better handling of the ending days of any relationship may be the "too-late" time for attempting to handle anything well about the relationship. Its breaking up primarily because people did not handle well some aspect or aspects of the relationship for days and days before it got to the final days of the relationship. The problems began way back there and I bet for some, from the very beginning even. So chiding yourself about how much better you could have handling the final days before breaking up is really like lamenting that you are at the bottom of a hill you skiied down for sometime and just didn't notice.

What is to lament is one of two things: y'all partnered up with people who didn't help clearly identify those problems long before you're both into the final days. Or your partner did talk about it and you didn't listen, much to your own risk because it cost you their willingness to keep on trying to work it out with you. Pick the one that fits for you or perhaps it's a combination of both. I would put my money on both more often than not.

If you want to do some productive crtitical analysis of what happened, find the real issus that killed the relationship, look at your part in them and deal with that so you don't do that again.

The problems began way back there and I bet for some, from the very beginning even. So chiding yourself about how much better you could have handling the final days before breaking up is really like lamenting that you are at the bottom of a hill you skiied down for sometime and just didn't notice.

What is to lament is one of two things: y'all partnered up with people who didn't help clearly identify those problems long before you're both into the final days. Or your partner did talk about it and you didn't listen, much to your own risk because it cost you their willingness to keep on trying to work it out with you. Pick the one that fits for you or perhaps its a combination of both. I would put my money on both more often than not.

If you want to do some productive crtitical analysis of what happened, find the real issus that killed the relationship, look at your part in them and deal with that so you don't do that again.

I agree, my ex gave me indications long before the end that she missed being single, wondered what it would be like to date other men e.t.c. e.t.c.

Somehow I ignored it and believe she was joking or tried to convince myself of this =, denying that the end of the relationship was happening long before it was actually officially over.

Like Val said on a previous thread:


DENIAL (Don't - Even - Notice - I - Am - Lying (to myself)

It is so easy to deny that something you don't want to happen is actually happening. I don't believe there was anything I could have done to save my relationship with my ex apart from instigating a break-up myself sooner and saving myself some of the pain I now feel.

She would have eventually acted on what she was saying she missed anyway - - Eventually.

Bravo Geoff! I would have handed out a greenie for insight like that to you but I slammed into the "spread" wall LOL

You might have known already how to select a woman who is open to being in a committed arrangement when the time comes by qualify them in the dating stage with what I call active listening (and if not, then start now LOL). Or you may have accidentally pressured inadventantly without knowing how iffy she really was about it too (and that may need to be looked at a little). Or she could easily have believed or wanted to believe herself that she was open to commitment and then discovered her honest mistake after the commitment is made (in which case there was nothing you could have done since its all her lesson). I did that with my first boyfriend - I waited so long to "get honest" I almost jilted him actually but I have to say he did apply a lot of pressure, so did his mama LOL. And it was his sister who could see how much trouble I was in and held the escape hatch open for me, too - amazing!

Those first relationships are extra hard for any of us because we don't know what we're doing since, LOL er, well... we don't have any experience. Doh! So keep that in mind when you feel like going another round beating yourself up about it. LOL

Now a station break for some a comedic relief:

Two guys are talking about the Michael Richards thing all over the US news (if you don't know, Google search it okay?)
First guy says: Boy, that Richards guy should sue himself!
Second guy asks: Are you crazy? Why?
First guy says: For ruining his career, of course! It would be a case known as Kramer versus Kramer LOL ;)

And now back to your regularly scheduled program...

Yep absolutely - it's a learning experience - LISTEN!! Look for clues!! They'll tel you you're smothering them or you're doing gsomething wrong.

Thanks for your response val.

It was in fact my ex who instigated the decision to get engaged and the idea of commitment. I was not afraid of commitment but I in fact asked her if she felt ready and if we should take it slower, she had after all split from me twice before for a very brief period (days) so I was doubting in my mind if she was ready.

I think her parents had something to do with the reason she felt she should get engaged. I think she liked the idea of getting engaged more than what it actually means. She was/is quite immature now I look back. I should have listened to my instinct and avoided getting engaged to her in the first place. I just did not want her to think that I did not see her as marriage material because I did (at the time) think she was..

Silly me.. Not only was she not marriage material, but not relationship material either...

I think it will be a long time before she enters the long term relationship market again personally but I really should not think about what the future holds for her.

Never mind what I should have and could have done and the ifs and whys.. At least I am better prepared for this kind of situation in the future.

Thanks for your response val.
I should have listened to my instinct and avoided getting engaged to her in the first place. Never mind what I should have and could have done and the ifs and whys..At least I am better prepared for this kind of situation in the future.
You are welcome Geoff and you found exactly the thing you needed to learn! I believe its right there in the "should" statement you made about your instincts. There is what makes the pain of this experience pay off down the road for you. So don't "never mind what I should have done"... know instead that you very much found the gift and rejoice a little in the greiving process too Geoff, you are entitled! Be proud of yourself. You got the lesson and come out of this with a much greater appreciation for and willingness to act on your instincts, in all things even maybe!

What we learn from our painful experiences (of any kind) is very very valuable, for those are the real lessons of life. It is why I post to any thread... not to tell you the lesson (that's not my place) but you help you find yours, whatever it is. Cos' when any of you do-- it spins my beanie too! (hands clapping here)

I happen to think growing up is just such a cool thing that I am still DOING IT! Ha ha ha ha ha

What we learn from our painful experiences (of any kind) is very very valuable, for those are the real lessons of life. It is why I post to any thread .... not to tell you the lesson (that's not my place) but you help you find yours, whatever it is. Cos' when any of you do-- it spins my beanie too! (hands clapping here)


It's so true. As much as this hurts like hell, I've already learned so much about myself and about relationships -- and never, ever again will I ever take a girlfriend that truly loves me for granted.

I agree the no contact can help so much and give yourself the opportunity to find out what makes you happy.

I think what gets lost is the forcefulness some of us try to do to keep a relationship that was failing intact. Once the breakup happens or someone asks for space, there is no reason to look back even if you want reconciliation.

The key I try to tell myself everyday is to put myself in a place where I am happy and do things that I love to do. At the same time, no reason to have any hatred for your ex especially since we didn't end on bad terms. Just hope she finds happiness too. If she finds someone else or never wants to talk to me again that is her decision, and shouldn't affect anything that I do on a daily basis. All that matters is what I want. If she is happy I am happy because in the end a breakup isn't the worst thing that could happen to you.

It is like failing at something, you could fail at it again if you don't figure out what went wrong. If you dwell on that one mistake, you will keep on making more and more mistakes, until you will find yourself without a relationship, a job or without true happiness.

I agree the no contact can help so much and give yourself the opportunity to find out what makes you happy.

Sometimes you can fall into the delusion that the relationship is what makes you happy and lose part of yourself in the relationship that is reborn when you break-up. It is only then that you sometimes realise that the relationship was actually unhealthy for you and was holding you back from true happiness.

These are good words of advice. While no contact doesn't guarantee that your ex will eventually miss you or want to get back with you, the odds actually become greater if you maintain a 'no contact' rule than if contact is maintained.

I found it 4answers..

But it's all burned out really..

How else can it really be debated?

Might help others wanting answers about no contact.

I wish my girlfriend could read this. So she could forget her ex boyfriend and erease him off this planet earth. Haha.

This is so useful. I am 2 days short of 1 month of no contacting my ex. In 5 days I will have set a new no contact record!

We split 6 months ago, I tried for a month to sort stuff, pleaded etc. We then didn't see each other for 2 months, both dated other people but I called her in between, neither worked. I then got back in touch "as friends", she kept wanting to see me, was very weird, doing coupley stuff without lapsing back into a physical relationship. I raised us trying again, she said no but she didn't want to lose my friendship, I said she didn't have a choice, that was nearly a month ago!

She clearly didn't want to let go, she has been presented with no choice now. I still get upset thinking of her now and again, but know that no contact is the only solution.

If she doesn't call, I can slowly get over her. If she does, then I can make clear no contact was for real, and if she wants to talk about us, we can meet, but not under any other circumstances!

Thanks

Its good advise but what happens when your ex with a months time finds someone new??

What happens if with this ex you were talking serrious to get married are move on or whatever else??

The most valuable thing that my mind can say right now is for this: with any women in your life when I say anyone I mean it, you should always take care first of yourself, maintain personality always have a backup plan in case you get hurt and this doesn't mean that this would be another woman, but to always for all the year of the realationship to keep a distance between the two... in addition to that you can have fun and these two things would help you in case at any point you break up.

Oh man... this is so hard because I have been through this 3 times now with her!!
The first time I cried and begged her back,
2 months she came back mind you it was because I was cheating on her- never again!
The second time was, 8 months later the subject came up again and we split... man that was even worse because I was really in love with her then.. we got bacl together and her past life came up... zip we are off again!
Its now been 2 months and she hasn't contacted me or me her...
Just a thought what happens if we are both implemnting NC?

I think this thread should receive a sticky. It helps to explain No Contact to people.

I'm going to bring this thread back to life!

NC is great! I have been going for 10 days. She even called and texted me 2 days ago, and I didn't respond back. It felt mean, but it was the right thing to do, especially after what she did to me!

I've also stopped checking Facebook and myspace. This is my NoForM Rule! 2 days strong on that one! I don't want to remove her as a friend, because that would show her that I actually care enough about her to do that. I want to kill her with kindness, because I am now entering a place in my life where I know I don't need her and that I am much better off without her.

I do have a serious question though...

I have to see her again next week because of a college course that we are taking together.

How in the world do I keep up the NC? Also, I don't want to ignore her totally, because that would just show her that she is still having an effect on me. Any advice?

I wish that I would have found this site yesterday, although I kind of got the NC rule from another site, not nearly as good as this... anyways

My situation I believe is a unique one, that's why I've come here to ask for some advice.

I have been in a long distance relationship for 11 months and we have seen each other in person 5 times since we have been together. ( not enough *sigh* ) This is also the FIRST and ONLY relationship I have ever been in, so letting go I have found EXTREMELY hard and often I get confused because of lack of experience.

The uniqueness of my situation stems from the fact that in 7 DAYS she will be leaving for Togo Africa for 2 years 3 months as a volunteer for the United States Peace Corps. A few weeks ago we had broken up but decided to remain friends.. if I would have seen this earlier I would have know that was a problem. All was going OK until she started to ignore me/ tell me I was smothering her and that she needed space. I backed off a little bit but she still continued to neglect me. I have a problem trusting her because she has admitted to cheating on me at least 2 times and because she is long distance I believed that her telling the truth to me was enough for me to take her back. Also she has always had male friends on the internet that she has talked to intimately, as in phone sex. I have told her on numerous occasions this bothers me, she always reassured me that it means nothing and was just a hobby when she was bored, that she REALLY loved me and nobody else. Yesterday I decided to try to do NC. She called me once, left a voice mail, IMed me on Yahoo and I responded (MISTAKE?) trying to act like I didn't care that she was talking to me. She went off line and called me a few hours later. I answered and told her that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to talk anymore. She attempted to make me feel guilty by crying and hoping that we could be friends before she left. She kept asking me to explain my feelings and when I was finnally about to she said that she had another phone call. ( I am assuming it was from one of her other internet boyfriends) Today after reading this I have decided to stick up for myself and continue the NC rule until maybe 2 or 3 days before she leaves if she attempts to contact me. I really don't want her to leave with us being on bad terms, but I am also not happy with the current state of things! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
:confused:
Thanks for taking the time to read this

Can this method work if you we seeing someone for only 6 weeks? There is no long term relationship there but the thing started with strong chemistry and attraction and we made each other laugh. She would always tell me that she was really impressed with me like me.

In the beginning I was confident and strong but somehow along the way I lost that confidence and became insecure. And adding to that I lied about my age. I told her about my age and at first she was OK with it but later changed her mind. She said there was too much drama for short time we saw each other more that what she was comfortable with.

It seems this method would only work for coupled who were in long term relationships.

I think the NC rule is skewed. And it's a lie. Just because you're not talking to someone, and just because you don't see them, doesn't mean they can't hurt you.

Case

You're listening to the radio. A familiar song comes on. The one you two first danced to, it still hurts.

Case

You're in a public place, someone says their/your name, you automatically look around hoping to see them, hoping they'll take you back. It still hurts.

Just because you aren't physically in contact with someone, doesn't mean they stop hurting you. It just means you have more time to think about how badly it hurt you.


Oh and P.S. They're your ex for a reason. Really, especially after a nasty breakup, why would you want that back? I didn't.

If we are hurt by that favorite song or hearing their name its not the actual ex hurting us its our memories that are giving us a slap in the face-and they will for quite some time.I can only speak for myself-NC WORKS for me. I knew it would the minute I read about it.I went cold turkey and its helping me getting me back.otherwise I might have tried very hard again to go back to a relationship that left me sad exhausted and lonely when I was actually in the relationship.we re all different and what works for me might not work for you.

When we broke off. It was hard and I was stuck on the site, trying to follow the rules but I failed. I couldn't do the whole NC and kept asking her to come back. I tried everyway till I stopped talking to her for a week just to message her again but casually then there was times when I msged her saying how much I miss her. Few days later, she replies and goes off at me, tells me she hates me and think I'm ed up. Being the person I am, I stayed calm and persistent. I still told her how I felt till my best friend told me to stop so I did but before I did. I wrote her a poem and she came back into my life, she's been there but we haven't spoken. I feel good. Knowing I tried and I am still trying in an unknowing way to win her back, and it feels like I am and I can. Just need some time but I knew id rather keep her close, in a distance that still could know what's she's up to and still target her. It was hard at the start but I've managed. I love her. I miss her but I'm not hurt anymore.
So NC wasn't for me at all.

Just need some time but I knew id rather keep her close, in a distance that still could know whats shes up to and still target her. It was hard at the start but I've managed. I love her. I miss her but I'm not hurt anymore.
So NC wasn't for me at all.
You will never go through the healing process that way. You can never move on and be happy either. Do you realize your sounding like a stalker?

Can this method work if you we seeing someone for only 6 weeks? There is no long term relationship there but the thing started off with stong chemistry and attraction and we made each other laugh. She would always tell me that she was really impressed with me like me.

In the beginning I was confident and stong but somehow along the way I lost that confidence and became insecure. And adding to that I lied about my age. I told her about my age and at first she was ok with it but later changed her mind. She said there was too much drama for short time we saw each other more that what she was comfortable with.

It seems this method would only work for coupled who were in long term relationships.
No Contact is for healing, and getting to where you can move on with your life, and leave hers alone. You never had a relationship, but you wanted one, so yes NC can work for you, if you can't accept that she doesn't WANT a relationship with you.

No Contact is for healing, and getting to where you can move on with your life, and leave hers alone. You never had a relationship, but you wanted one, so yes NC can work for you, if you can't accept that she doesn't WANT a relationship with you.


So you are saying I may have a chance at getting this girl back?

No he s saying stay NC allow yourself to heal.

So you are saying I may have a chance at getting this girl back?
Absolutely not! I am saying that after a break up, you need to heal, and then look at yourself with a clear head.

You will never go thru the healing process that way. You can never move on and be happy either. Do you realize your sounding like a stalker??

Yeah, I sound like a stalker obsessive compulsive. All the sives in the dictionary but that's how relationships have failed cause people give up too easily these days and if I was this stalker, Im sure she would have blocked me and not came back around. She and everyone knows I'm not like that. I tried. I got what I wanted. Don't say I'm not happy cause I didn't do the whole NC rule. Like everyone else who has done NC, its hard AT TIMES but I manage it by occupying myself. Trust me, it does not hurt as much as before seeing she's online all the time. Yeah sometimes it upsets me to see her happy without me but I'm fine and I hope to win her back one day. Even just being good friends at least we both would know I didn't give up

If you are dating someone for 5 or 6 weeks and then she decides to end things could this be considered a "break up" or "just ending things"?

If you are dating someone for 5 or 6 weeks and then she decides to end things could this be considered a "break up" or "just ending things"?

It can be whatever feels more comfortable to use.
Same difference

Long story short (in the end they are never really that unique) she broke up with me. I rationalized her behavior, tried to be friends, blamed myself. Then I went no contact for a while and slipped.

Initially, I wanted a reconciliation but when it came down to it, I had to realize that anyone who was willing to hurt me by not being 100% honest in a relationship was not worth my effort, time or the stress. No matter how much I thought I loved them.

Just from reading these posts alone I can tell that y'all are good people who definitely deserve more than what your exes were giving you. You all deserve the best and honestly, they were really doing you a favor by leaving.

No Contact is the key.



N.C

By: me

Her feelings weren't there for long
The signs were so tell tale
This story isn't new at all
It rarely ends that well

So now you are on friendly terms
And still you are apart
You let emotion betray you
And now she knows your heart

She claims that she needs time and space
To find out what she feels
But with true love
You stay in love
Because you know its real

She could be lying
You think she is
You know now
It's the end

A cop out plea
In lieu of honesty
To you, her "bestest friend"

Strung along is what you'll be
If you keep holding on
To memories of love that's passed
A dream that is forlorn

Whatever things she said before
They don't apply much now
You must move on
And remain strong
For partners are abound

And in the end she will realize
The great thing she has lost
Have no regrets
Just know in love
You gave it all you've got

No contact is such a hard thing to stick to. I've been split from my ex 2 month now and have tried no contact but have lapsed numerous times and when I do stick to it she doesn't. We met up last week for the first time since the split and agreed no contact again. This time it was said face to face so it means more and I am going to stick to it. She knows how I feel about her so the ball is in her court. I told her to only get in contact if its important and explained the damage it can do to just casually text, drunken call etc if you have no interest in working things out. I just wish we had of stuck to no contact from the start but its hard when your head is such a mess and your emotions all over the place. Maybe no contact at this stage won't do any good, who knows? We have had a lot of arguments over past few months and I ended up pushing her further away, hopefully we will work things out but I isn't getting my hopes up.

No contact is such a hard thing to stick to. Iv been split from my ex 2 month now and have tried no contact but have lapsed numerous times and when i do stick to it she doesnt. We met up last week for the first time since the split and agreed no contact again. This time it was said face to face so it means more and i am going to stick to it. She knows how i feel about her so the ball is in her court. I told her to only get in contact if its important and explained the damage it can do to just casually text, drunken call etc if you have no interest in working things out. I just wish we had of stuck to no contact from the start but its hard when your head is such a mess and your emotions all over the place. Maybe no contact at this stage wont do any good, who knows? We have had a lot of arguments over past few months and i ended up pushing her further away, hopefully we will work things out but i aint getting my hopes up.

No contact, no matter at what stage will always do good and should be implemented. Its how one can truly heal.

Ah but we could have a good future and that's the thing. Suppose only time will tell although I am not a patient person but I have no choice in this situation.

You do have a choice, you can chose to take your future into your hands and walk away. Why wait on someone who doesn't want to be with you now?

Last time I check, relationships accept the good and the bad times, not just when things are going well.

We both still madly love each other and she needs time. She is scared of getting hurt again which is understandable.

Give credit where credit is due, the article is lifted from here:
No Contact - The Guide - eNotAlone (http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131094)

You know I was thinking the same thing... give credit where credit is due.

The only problem with the "enotalone" board is it's run by a band of Nazi's.