My husband was addicted to pornography before we met, he didn't know this until recently so I would say he has been addcited for 8 or 9 years now. I never knew of this addiction before we married. After we married I saw evidence that he watched it a little more than any one person should.. I personally will not look at it I think its shameful.. anyways, he began to sneak as if it werean affair and I began to feel like it was. He would wait until I feel asleep or he would pretend to be napping or in the shower. He would lock the bedroom door or bathroom door. He would spend large amounts of money and then lie and make me believe someone stole it some how.. Recently he has cut back to my knowledge a great deal.. about a week ago while online I discovered a porn site in the task bar so I immediately set parental controls so strict not even a shirtless baby can get through, now he is starting to grow away from me like I have taken away his favorite blanket or hobby.. is there anything I can do to show him that I want to be the only woman he fantasies about and the only one that he has intimate feelings for?. im worried this could lead to a real affair

I do not believe it will lead to an affair. It is all fantasy but every body has one to one extent or another. Does he work? Does he spend quality time with you? Does this interfere with anything else? There are people, if you really feel and he really knows that there is an addiction problem there are programs out there that will help with this addiction specifically or anything else that might come up.

Joe

Hi Lyons,

Seems like you have your hands full. I couldn't help but notice that you have another post where you and your hubby are trying to have a child as well and you currently have a 6 month old. Is that right?

I don't know all what to say, but perhaps take one thing at a time and see how severe his problem is and if there are any support groups for this addicition, if it is determined to be one.

Your husband should seek professional help. Until he realises the hurt and pain he is causing and wants to change, all the nagging in the world won't help. He will find a way.

We had been working things out, and then he had like a fall back. Before I knew of the addiction we had talked about another child but like I said in the other post "we are not going to do it right now" we just wanted opinions on what is a good age difference... I have requested he seek proffessional help.

I agree that he will find away, I know I can't be there to catch him or stop him at every second.. like I have said I am just worried this will lead to an affair.. if he can't get it through movies or photos I'm worried he will try from a real person.. the problem isn't that we are never intimate it is just we are not intimate enough to fulfill his needs I guess... he says that he only looks at it because when he's at work and gets aroused he needs it... and that he's not thinking of it while we are intimate.. he doesn't work with any woman, but still I feel insecure

The difficulty here is trying to keep this addiction you believe he has into perspective.

Having a fantasy can be quite healthy in a way but if these activities he partakes in affect your own relationship and intamacy then yes, I would say he has a problem which needs help.

I really don't think he will try and get his fantasy from someone else in the real world because what we are talking about here is the fantasy of what he is watching. If he were to make it a reality, it would not be the same as what is driving him to watch this material. The fantasy of 'what could be' rather than 'what is'..

When we try and turn our fantasy into a reality, it is not as attractive to the mind anymore.

I would not question yourself for not being able to fulfill him in a physical way because that is highly unlikely.

There is a fine line between what behavior is healthy and unhealthy and from what you write, I cannot really give a good judgement as to which two of these baskets your husband falls into.

Quote: that I want to be the only woman he fantasies about and the only one that he has intimate feelings for?
That is what worry at me. That is a fantasy of your. How could you make a man to fantasies only about you .By force? It is a little bit forced what have you done when you put PARENTAL CONTROLS FOR YOUR HUSBAND .Think about this .He is an adult , can make his choices by OWN will .Porn addiction it is an ithem but I think it is inoffensive , geofferesonairplane has right when say Quote:I really don't think he will try and get his fantasy from someone else in the real world because what we are talking about here is the fantasy of what he is watching. If he were to make it a reality, it would not be the same as what is driving him to watch this material. The fantasy of 'what could be' rather than 'what is'..

When we try and turn our fantasy into a reality, it is not as attractive to the mind anymore.End of quote.

Maybe his addiction is disrespectful to you but your behavior it's a little bit abusive.Another wary sign is what have you said here:" the problem isn't that we are never intimate it is just we are not intimate enough to fulfill his needs i guess ".

Hi lyon

How did you blocked the site. I have comcast for internet. Can you explain to me.

Thanks
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