This is going to be difficult to explain without giving away too much detail...
I will give as much as I can, let me know if you do need more.


A friends 13 year old daughter goes to stay with her father who lives an hour away. Her 17 year old brother stays home with mum. He is not the best father and lets them smoke and drink.

Daughter comes back from her fathers acting 'strange'

Skip to a few weeks later and the son is shown a photo by one of his friends.
It is a photo of the bottom half of a girl, completely naked.
He is asked what he thinks of her to which he replies "yeah not bad!"
He is then told it is his sister.

Skip to a few more weeks later.
Son reveals that he received a phone call from his sister while she was at her fathers. She claims she had been raped.
She has lied about this before so he didn't think anything of it at the time.
Same time the girl has an 18 year old boyfriend.
Ever since this story has gotten out her mother has banned her from seeing him.

Up until this happened she was a normal happy CHILD, no hint of being interested in sex at all. (or make-up - you should see photos of her, she dresses like a 20 year old)

My OH is tempted to take a long drive down to see them and have a serious chat with all people involved.

What would you do?

Call the police (since no-one else has bothered to)?
Stay out of it?
Go down and have that talk? (he would rather do it in person as he knows the phone would be hung up on him)

I think he should have the talk. If he involves the police, just yet, and I am not saying he may have to, it could get nasty for everyone. Some l3 year olds are very well developed and in warm climates are actually ready to marry, and do, but this in countries where it is common practice. So don't get your dander up guys, I don't mean in the US or Canada.

You say she has claimed rape before ?

Tick

Ask your friend if you can help... Think about what you would do if it was your child. I think the child's father should be completely out of her life. You're a good friend and that's what she needs right now. You'll do the right thing... You are a good person and you are what your friend needs right now... Blessings:)

Yes, unfortunately I don't know a lot about that other than what the brother has told us.
All he said was that she had claimed it in the past for attention.

I agree that we should hold off on the police. We don't know the 100% truth of it all but all stories we have heard have all been identical.

She was one Facebook the other day swearing like a trooper because her boyfriend had dumped her.

Could you talk to her and ask her what's going on? She sounds like a very troubled young lady.

In my honest opinion it is not your place to get involved.

Just be your friends support. Be her friend and just be the leaning shoulder but it is up to your friend to take action which sounds like she has.

Thank you Kat :)

Unfortunately the only way we can get hold of her at the moment is through her mother, who if V talks to I know it won't end up going well.

It's 3 hours drive away but might be well worth it if it is the only way he can get to talk to her.

I agree that the father should be completely cut from their life.
To put it nicely he is a f-head scumbag a-hole.

I guess I just wanted some reassurance that we are not overreacting.

In my honest opinion it is not your place to get involved.

Just be your friends support. Be her friend and just be the leaning shoulder but it is up to your friend to take action which sounds like she has.

Thank you for you input Joe, it is appreciated.

I don't think the friend is taking anywhere near as much action as she should be.
The only reason she ended their relationship was because everyone found out about it and started criticizing her for letting her daughter go out with an 18 year old.

So confused :confused:

Thankyou for you input Joe, it is appreciated.

I don't think the friend is taking anywhere near as much action as she should be.
The only reason she ended their relationship was because everyone found out about it and started criticizing her for letting her daughter go out with an 18 year old.

So confused :confused:



Go with your gut feeling! I think the friend is maybe too hurt or shocked... The girl needs help.. Maybe her problem is more than just an eighteen year old.:confused: Not to criticize but who would let a thirteen year old date an eighteen year old:(

Isn't their a moral/legal obligation to report this apparent rape?Hello Jake:

Not as long as it's only an APPARENT rape. Before you call the cops, you want to KNOW there was a rape.

Excon

There's not a lot you can, or even should, do.

They need serious counseling. Family AND individual.

Thank you everyone.

I can't tell you what his decision will be until he gets home from work but I will sit him down and get him to read all of these answers.

I just wish there was something I could do.

I do agree with you Exy but there is more to the story that I can't share here. And we had no idea she was dating an 18 year old, they kept that very quiet, which means the mother knew it was wrong but chose not to do anything about it until it made her look bad.

Hello shaz:

If you want to get involved in your friends life, why didn't you get involved when she let her child date an adult? Listen. I UNDERSTAND why you didn't. You were right. It was none of your business then, and it's none of your business now.

Be there for your friend. Give her all the advice you want. But, don't DO anything.

excon


Friends who are true friends... hurt for each other and they will always go the extra mile. Yes it is someone's business when they see a troubled child being taken advantage of. Two many people look the other way ecause it's easier than having the guts to "get involved". If Shaz feels like doing something to help the friend and the thirteen year old then good for her!

Better to get a little involved and maybe save the sanity of two people than to sit back and do nothing. Even if it's only advice and a shoulder to cry on. :rolleyes:

Well now she has no choice but to act, right? I am sure things will work out for all parties involved. I am sure the right decisions will be made now.

It is just to late to go back in time and say this could have been done, etc etc... It has already happened and now the decisions here out will hopefully be better to deal with this situation.

Hello K:

If the violations were clear cut, I'd be saying something else. If we knew that what was SAID was the TRUTH, I'd be saying something else. If we knew what Shaz said she can't tell us, I'd be saying something else.

But, at this point in time, we don't know anything. So, doing something based upon rumor and gossip, can only get somebody into trouble...

We DO agree about the shoulder, though.

excon

Thank you Exy.

I'm sorry I can't say everything but there are too many people that know me and know I use this forum so don't want to spill too many beans.

Biggest problem is that we can't say with any certainty what has happened, it's just rumor (except for the info about the rape allegation from her brother)
And you are right Joe, nothing can change what already has happened, I just hope we can offer some support as to what happens to her in the future.

Our shoulders will most definitely be open.

Hi, shaz!

Does the 13 year old only have one parent at home?

Thanks!

Hi Clough, yes it's just the mom at home.

There are other family members living close by but none seem to want to get involved, which is surprising considering they are a very close family.

Touchy issue, and mom allows at least some illicit activity to happen in the home, correct?

Id like to address something that seems to be overlooked. I know things are different these days and it seems that kids have gone wild with so many things. But in this case there is clear and convincing evidence that something happened. Im not saying rape as that is an unproven allegation at this time. But if the brother has seen a picture and if it was his sister then its time to act. At 13 it IS illegal. It is considered child porn. Also I would doubt that is the only one of its kind. Kids today don't understand that if anything gets to the net it is there forever. Also at 13 there may be no end to "blackmail" in the child's eyes. Look I have this and if you don't etc. SO yes you must act. You have to get involved. Maybe calling CPS or whatever Im not sure how things are in your area. But whatever is done it must be by surprise and with authority. Otherwise you could lose valuable evidence. This is no time for namby pamby actions. The accusations are serious and the consequences are dire. Teen pregnancy is a big enough problem and at her age its unimagineable. Please do something but first figure out the right thing to do and go after it like there is no tomorrow. We are talking about a young ones life and the shape it can take from here on out.

At 13 in most places now, consensual sex is still rape-statutory rape. It doesn't matter if she was forced or coerced or not.

Can the smoking and drinking be verified? Is there more than just tobacco and alcohol involved?

I am not going to jump on the 18 year old just yet, but I am very concerned that more than just her (now) ex-boyfriend is involved in this. This seems to be well into contributing to the delinquency of a minor, child endangerment, and sounds like child pornography.

You know the family. Talking might help, but I can't see this getting resolved with anything less than counseling for her (she is a possible victim), her family, and getting the court system involved. I would be very curious to find if prior accusations were dropped after an investigation or because she 'admitted' to lying. It is not uncommon for 'rape/molestation' victims to recount their accusations when they feel like they are under more scrutiny than the perpetrator.

Excellent advice Calif thank you.
I honestly didn't think about the photo in that way, I was more in the mindset of what happens when it gets forwarded around to everyone at her school.

I am not sure if the mother knows about the photo, that story was told to us by the brother only yesterday.

Clough: As far as I know (my OH knows more than I do) the mother does allow a fair bit to go on in her home.
BUT the family is fairly prudeish (is that even a word) so she knows it would be looked down upon by everyone.

Thank you Cat (we posted at the same time)

Again, I can't confirm whether he shared any illegal substances with the children but it is well known that he himself partakes in it.
The smoking and drinking can be verified by the brother but I don't know whether he would admit it to the authorities (even though they don't like their father I doubt they would say anything bad about him)

The 18 year old has issues of his own.
If they were still going out (and thank dog they aren't) that would be sorted very quickly as she isn't smart enough not to keep his name off Facebook ;)

Thankyou Cat (we posted at the same time)

Again, I can't confirm whether or not he shared any illegal substances with the children but it is well known that he himself partakes in it.
The smoking and drinking can be verified by the brother but I don't know whether or not he would admit it to the authorities (even though they don't like their father I doubt they would say anything bad about him)

The 18 year old has issues of his own.
If they were still going out (and thank dog they aren't) that would be sorted very quickly as she isn't smart enough not to keep his name off Facebook ;)

You'll do the right thing Shaz... It's just the kind of person you are! Huggs

It sounds like the girl needs counseling at the very least.

An opening for a discussion with the mother, might be concern over the changes her daughter is exhibiting. Looking at the troubled teen aspect of what is going on and trying to stop this from getting worse. Take the spot-light off being a 'good' or 'bad' parent and putting it on normal teen behavior aggravated by family circumstances (aka: she's 'acting out'.) There may be enough truth in it to get the girl help without putting mom on the defensive about her own parenting skills or self-image.

It sounds like the girl needs counseling at the very least.

An opening for a discussion with the mother, might be concern over the changes her daughter is exhibiting. Looking at the troubled teen aspect of what is going on and trying to stop this from getting worse. Take the spot-light off of being a 'good' or 'bad' parent and putting it on normal teen behavior aggravated by family circumstances (aka: she's 'acting out'.) There may be enough truth in it to get the girl help without putting mom on the defensive about her own parenting skills or self-image.

I think the father is more the issue. He needs to be out of her life if he can't protect her..

The thing that is really scary is there was a story here about a 12 year old girl being prostituted out by her own father. She had slept with an estimated 150 men.

That was just before we found out about this... it just makes you wonder.

I think the idea of approaching it as a teen acting out is a good idea. Especially since the information about the boyfriend is on FB.

I know it's just my opinion but a 13 year old should barely be dating, let alone having sex and becoming a fan of "spooning" on FB (and yes her mother IS on there too!)

I know if we jumped straight in and said "you are a bad mother" all that would do is make her flare up and get us nowhere. Just approaching it gently and asking about her having boyfriends in general would be a good start.

The thing that is really scary is there was a story here about a 12 year old girl being prostituted out by her own father. She had slept with an estimated 150 men.

There have been some stories in our news over the past few months that make me wonder about so-called parents. What scares me is the knowledge that it is really nothing new. It is just more out in the open. :(

Very true, and very sad.

The thing that is really scary is there was a story here about a 12 year old girl being prostituted out by her own father. She had slept with an estimated 150 men.

That was just before we found out about this... it just makes you wonder.

I think the idea of approaching it as a teen acting out is a good idea. Especially since the information about the boyfriend is on FB.

I know it's just my opinion but a 13 year old should barely be dating, let alone having sex and becoming a fan of "spooning" on FB (and yes her mother IS on there too!)

I know if we jumped straight in and said "you are a bad mother" all that would do is make her flare up and get us nowhere. Just approaching it gently and asking about her having boyfriends in general would be a good start.

Shaz.. Be strong for your friend and I hate Facebook. Too many trusting young people out there. Too many sickos in the world. Trust your instincts... blessings

Shaz, I'm going to take Dad's point and go sideways.

The photo, being child porn, is V's reason to step in. Assume the mother doesn't know about it. Don't assume the photographer is at fault. The photographer could be the 13 y.o. but the photography itself takes the problem to a new level.

Make the drive for friendship's sake. The life you save...

Thank you Cats.

Not only does she need a talking to about sharing or allowing photos to be taken, but we also need to find out how many people have shared that photo around!

Another thing that surprised me is that the brother has a very short temper, normally the guy who had the photo on his phone would be beaten to a pulp but yet he did nothing.
I am hoping it was just the shock of seeing it. (not that I condone violence but you get my point)

Thankyou Cats.

Not only does she need a talking to about sharing or allowing photos to be taken, but we also need to find out how many people have shared that photo around!

Another thing that surprised me is that the brother has a very short temper, normally the guy who had the photo on his phone would be beaten to a pulp but yet he did nothing.
I am hoping it was just the shock of seeing it. (not that I condone violence but you get my point)

You all need to go find out.

The problem is, this child, I repeat, child, phoned her brother and said she had been raped. She also posted (at least) one nude picture of herself online. Several people saw it.

What we can only do is guess. Guess if she's telling the truth, guess if the father is somehow involved, guess about the boyfriend's influence over her, guess if she really was raped, guess if she's drinking, doing drugs. We can guess the meaning of conversations we were not a part of, and guess what the mother and/or father may or may not do.

That is not good enough.

I would call the CPS in this instance. If a rape did take place and it is not reported, there are consequences for everybody, not to mention the child.

She is a child, and if the parents have not stepped up, somebody has to report this and do the right thing.

My guess is this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Please, report this.

The problem is, this child, I repeat, child, phoned her brother and said she had been raped. She also posted (at least) one nude picture of herself online. Several people saw it.

What we can only do is guess. Guess if she's telling the truth, guess if the father is somehow involved, guess about the boyfriend's influence over her, guess if she really was raped, guess if she's drinking, doing drugs. We can guess the meaning of conversations we were not a part of, and guess what the mother and/or father may or may not do.

That is not good enough.

I would call the CPS in this instance. If a rape did take place and it is not reported, there are consequences for everybody, not to mention the child.

She is a child, and if the parents have not stepped up, somebody has to report this and do the right thing.

My guess is this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Please, report this.



We will be thinking of you Shaz... Blessings:)

Yes, I agree with Kit, blessings luvvy and go do what you have to do. I am so glad you came to us with this problem and probably settled your mind on what you and your partner have to do. We are here for both of you.

Tick

yes, I agree with Kit, blessings luvvy and go do what you have to do. I am so glad you came to us with this problem and probably settled your mind on what you and your partner have to do. We are here for both of you.

tick

Shaz.. somewhere in the future that child will look at you and say "Thank you for being there, you saved my life". Bless her heart and yours. She'll never forget how kind you are. We all think that... You and Alty are so kindhearted. :)

No!

no!

No.. Explain your answer if you'd like!

no!

No to which one? :confused:

Thank you for you answer Jake.

We have decided that we will definitely be having a chat with the mother.
Hopefully this coming weekend we will be able to drive down to see them.

I have a question, can all the minors who have the photograph (mostly boys under 16) can they be charged with possession of child pornography?
I don't really want this blowing out of hand (and kids being charged) but I do want something to be done about it.

Kit: I know she won't see it that way now but hopefully in the future she will thank us.

No to which one? :confused:

Thankyou for you answer Jake.

We have decided that we will definitely be having a chat with the mother.
Hopefully this coming weekend we will be able to drive down to see them.

I have a question, can all the minors who have the photograph (mostly boys under 16) can they be charged with possession of child pornography?
I don't really want this blowing out of hand (and kids being charged) but I do want something to be done about it.

Kit: I know she won't see it that way now but hopefully in the future she will thank us.

Are you still here? Get on the road.

I don't know about the possession charge. How can you find who all has the photo? If it's on a phone you're outa luck.

Let me repeat, don't assume how much the Mom is aware of. She may know and feel helpless, or be clueless, either way.

I have read recently where both the one making the porn, as well as those in possession of the porn, and those viewing and sharing the porn, can all be charged. No matter what the age.

It is likely that you will never know how many people have viewed the picture(s), as it would be forwarded to others.

That is one of the things that bother me, is the risk taking behaviour of this girl.

Good luck in your trip to find answers Shaz.

Unfortunately we don't have the money right now to drive there until next weekend, otherwise I would be there in a heartbeat.

Grr I just wish there was a way to erase a certain photo from everyone's phones, a self destruct of sorts!

I wouldn't want the kids with the photo to be charged... a stern talking to or a warning yes, definitely, but I wouldn't want a record on my conscience... unless they had deliberately forwarded it on to people.

ce... unless they had deliberately forwarded it on to people.

Of course they deliberately forwarded it on to others, shaz. A teen with a photo on their phone like that, what do you think is going to happen. I can't see them erasing it out of pity for another teen.

Yes, it is child porn, so you got a lot to get around in this situation and at this point it just can't be swept under the carpet. Too much has already happened.

Given this young person's track record, as you have explained it, nothing is going to make a difference, she is on a role with all of this attention.

Tick

Unfortunately we don't have the money right now to drive there until next weekend, otherwise I would be there in a heartbeat.

Grr I just wish there was a way to erase a certain photo from everyones phones, a self destruct of sorts!

I wouldn't want the kids with the photo to be charged... a stern talking to or a warning yes, definitely, but I wouldn't want a record on my conscience... unless they had deliberately forwarded it on to people.

More then likely this is what could happen. The evidence is found and the one she gave / sent it to might get charged and the word will spread like wildfire and those that have it will erase it and go into complete denial. The longer it has been out there the further it could have went. But if it leads to the 18y/o getting charged with something so be it. It will send a strict example into your community that this type of behavior is unacceptable. No 18 y/o needs to be having anything to do with a 13 y/o unless its his sister. What I would be worried about is that if she was told it won't go anywhere and then she is approached or blackmailed into doing something else. That is why you need to hold true to your heart and help this girl through this struggle.

Hello:

Let me jump in here. A kid sending a picture of another naked kid to a buddy is NOT child pornography. It's not nice. It's rude. It's embarrassing. It's juvenile. But, it ain't a crime. Real child pornography, on the other hand, where children are indeed, exploited, is a major offense punishable by YEARS in prison and LIFELONG tracking. It's a crime designed to put dirty old men away.

That ISN'T what this is. This is KIDSTUFF! It ain't great kidstuff. But, it ain't a crime. Now it's true. The law hasn't yet made the distinction I just did. Therefore, you must. However you handle it, don't call the cops. They won't make any distinctions.

excon

Hi ex, well then who teaches the kids a lesson ? Who is the one that gets punished for distributing the picture over the net ? It has to be the oldest member of the teens who are doing it. Whoever has it on their cell phone may not be liable, but that pic is going to stick around. Teens will be commenting on that pic, going back to it and looking for a long time yet. So you have to know it is going to end up on some dirty old man's computer file so he can ogle it anytime he wants.

I say absolutely 'kidstuff' can be as harmful as any dirty old men. I also know absolutely you know what you are talking about, that is irrefutable.

I do agree on not calling the cops, I think I said that in my first post. Talk about a can of worms being opened up, this has to take the cake !

Tick

Hello:

That ISN'T what this is. This is KIDSTUFF! It ain't great kidstuff. But, it ain't a crime. Now it's true. The law hasn't yet made the distinction I just did. Therefore, you must. However you handle it, don't call the cops. They won't make any distinctions.

excon

Here is where we come to a point of disagreeing. Yes I agree there is such a thing as kidstuff. But if the 18 y/o was the one that convinced or coerced the 13 y/o to take the picture or took it himself then at a minimum its contributing to the delinquincy of a minor. So yes a crime is being committed. And if his intent was to get himself off and to share it with others then it crossed the line into child ponography because an "adult" was involved. If that line isn't drawn then where would it stop?

Here is where we come to a point of disagreeing. Yes I agree there is such a thing as kidstuff. But if the 18 y/o was the one that convinced or coerced the 13 y/o to take the picture or took it himself then at a minimum its contributing to the delinquincy of a minor. So yes a crime is being commited. And if his intent was to get himself off and to share it with others then it crossed the line into child ponography because an "adult" was involved. If that line isnt drawn then where would it stop?

There is a law against cyber-bullying... includes camera phones.. texting threatening or sexual remarks to one or more people. It also includes anything sent on a computer which is detrimental to a child's well being .
If the kid showed the picture to the brother at school or any other school function... or if the boy does show the picture at school... it is a crime.:)

It breaks the zero tolerance code. Do you have this in the schools there Shaz?:confused:

Here is where we come to a point of disagreeing. But if the 18 y/o was the one...... If that line isnt drawn then where would it stop?Hello again, dad:

I don't think we disagree. I'm not for pedophilia. I don't support child pornographers. I think sex offenders and child molesters should be in jail. Where we disagree, if we do, is at what point does one bring in the authorities...

In the scenario under discussion, there is a lot of rumor, supposition, guessing, stuff we can't be told, and probably some gossip too. In short we don't KNOW anything. In fact, you're the one who used the magic word "IF" above. I didn't use it. You did.

I'm simply suggesting that until we KNOW he did anything, the line that we both agree is there, has not been crossed.

excon

Hello again, dad:

I don't think we disagree. I'm not for pedophilia. I don't support child pornographers. I think sex offenders and child molesters should be in jail. Where we disagree, if we do, is at what point does one bring in the authorities....

In the scenario under discussion, there is a lot of rumor, supposition, guessing, stuff we can't be told, and probably some gossip too. In short we don't KNOW anything. In fact, you're the one who used the magic word "IF" above. I didn't use it. You did.

I'm simply suggesting that until we KNOW he did anything, the line that we both agree is there, has not been crossed.

excon

I think you can see in my posts that what I support is intervention. I didn't mention police. I did mention possibly CPS because of the fathers behavior. And possibly from the current situation. But I believe this thread was started on the premising question of " should I get involved". And I was offering my opinion as to why. As far as I know ex you're a stand up person. And I have no reason to believe otherwise. Im just throwing out there the different levels this can go to and why. Also Im giving my support to intervention. Im not there. So its not up to me to call the shots on this one. But that is left for the OP to choose.

Hello again, dad:

I don't think we disagree. I'm not for pedophilia. I don't support child pornographers. I think sex offenders and child molesters should be in jail. Where we disagree, if we do, is at what point does one bring in the authorities....

In the scenario under discussion, there is a lot of rumor, supposition, guessing, stuff we can't be told, and probably some gossip too. In short we don't KNOW anything. In fact, you're the one who used the magic word "IF" above. I didn't use it. You did.

I'm simply suggesting that until we KNOW he did anything, the line that we both agree is there, has not been crossed.

excon


Hi Excon... I think we all need to just think of this little girl right now. Shaz will do the right thing and maybe this child will be safe. I think I could kill with bare hands anyone who who would ever hurt one of my children or grandchildren.
When Shaz finds out more then we'll know how far this has gone. Right now we need to pray for all of them and if anyone doesn't believe in prayer than just keep a good thought for her. Hugs to you Excon:)

And time goes on, and a naked 13 year olds body is in a picture being passed around, and there is the question of rape, that she told her brother about.

For those two facts alone, the only one I'm saying a prayer for is that little girl.

And time goes on, and a naked 13 year olds body is in a picture being passed around, and there is the question of rape, that she told her brother about.

For those two facts alone, the only one I'm saying a prayer for is that little girl.

We all want the best for this little girl. I think Shaz will do what needs to be done. This child really needs them and she really deserves adults who will stand up for her. The picture really bothers me and if he keeps showing it around, this child will face a whole lot more problems.:(

I just read this shaz, wow, sorry to hear this has been happenng.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to read the other posts, still not feeling well... but has anyone sat down with the daughter and talked to her?
/
Seeing as she has already cried rape before, there must be something happening in her life to need the attention she is crying for.
Does the mother know that the father lets his 13 year old drink and smoke? If so why does she let her go over there?

I just read this shaz, wow, sorry to hear this has been happenng.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to read the other posts, still not feeling well... but has anyone sat down witht he daughter and talked to her?
/
Seeing as she has already cried rape before, there must be something happening in her life to need the attention she is crying for.
Does the mother know that the father lets his 13 year old drink and smoke? If so why does she let her go over there?

I tthink Shaz is going to find out all this and then she'll know what to do.You're right Bella what kind of parent doesn't see what's happening!:confused:

No to which one? :confused:

Thankyou for you answer Jake.

We have decided that we will definitely be having a chat with the mother.
Hopefully this coming weekend we will be able to drive down to see them.

I have a question, can all the minors who have the photograph (mostly boys under 16) can they be charged with possession of child pornography?
I don't really want this blowing out of hand (and kids being charged) but I do want something to be done about it.

Kit: I know she won't see it that way now but hopefully in the future she will thank us.

Probably. If they found out who took it, that person would probably get the added charge of creating and/or distributing child pornography.

probably. if they found out who took it, that person would probably get the added charge of creating and/or distributing child pornography.

Let's hope they find out.

At this point, the focus needs to be on the girl and her family. If the boys involved with this photo end up being collateral damage, so be it.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but who CARES? They did something I'm sure they knew was wrong. They knew exactly who the picture was of. They are obviously intentionally showing others, and revealing her identity. They are active participants in possible destroying this girls life. Who CARES if they end up getting in trouble in the process of making sure this girl is OK?

A 16 year old boy and his 15 year old girlfriend were both charged for possession and distrubuting child pornography here in NS. She sent him a pic of her through pic mail.

i don't mean to sound harsh, but who CARES? they did something I'm sure they knew was wrong. they knew exactly who the picture was of. they are obviously intentionally showing others, and revealing her identity. they are active participants in possible destroying this girls life. who CARES if they end up getting in trouble in the process of making sure this girl is ok?


The girl is all that matters. Thirteen is a hard age anyway and now she has to go through all this. I hope the boys do get in trouble. But for the girl the damage is already done.. I agree heath.. It's the girl who matters most!

Ya I agree to, with pic's like that circulating, it's going to be hard for her to recover from that, especially as she gets older. Not only in her personal life but it may effect her in getting jons etc...

The person distributing is just as guilty as the other two participants. But the girl really is the victim. She is 13. Something deeper is going on. Something mentally. In my opinion.

Let me say this again. All Shaz has to go on is hearsay. 75% of what has been posted is based on speculation about the hearsay. We can help best by waiting until facts are known. Then we can be the world's best international legal research team.

We're with you, Shaz. Eager, even.

Ya i agree to, with pic's like that circulating, it's going to be hard for her to recover from that, especially as she gets older. Not only in her personal life but it may effect her in getting jobs etc...

The person distributing is just as guilty as the other two participants. But the girl really is the victim. She is 13. Something deeper is going on. Something mentally. IMHO.

I agree Bella.. Poor kid !

Sorry for the lack of updates, we are trying to find out as much information as possible.
Have talked to the family in question and surprisingly there was no yelling, no hanging up on each other. (they are notorious for that)

It was only a brief conversation but the mother does want to discuss it further, seems the family who live close aren't being as supportive as we would have hoped so she is actually glad someone is taking an interest and wants to hear her side of the story.

The daughter doesn't know we have talked to her mother yet and we are keeping it that way for the moment, might be talking to her tomorrow but we will play it by ear.
I am getting second hand information still as it was V who phoned her.

I am glad the mother is open to talking. I hope when it comes to it, the daughter is too.

You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

We are thinking of you Shaz.

We are thinking of you Shaz. You have a heart of gold. Too many people don't want to get involved when they hear of something like this. Thank goodness she has you... :)

It's all too easy just to walk away and pretend you never heard about it, especially when they live so far away, but that's not something we wanted to do.

I'm glad we had everyone here to help talk us through it, what we should and shouldn't do, I really do thank you all for that.

It's all too easy just to walk away and pretend you never heard about it, especially when they live so far away, but that's not something we wanted to do.

I'm glad we had everyone here to help talk us through it, what we should and shouldn't do, I really do thank you all for that.




If anyone can do it.. You all can.. :)

I'm just glad it's being addressed. I know I didn't really put much of an in put in, but it is really refreshing to hear that you are willing to help someone with this type of troubles.

I really do feel for the 13 year old here.

I'm just glad it's being adressed. I know I didn't really put much of an in put in, but it is really refreshing to hear that you are willing to help someone with this type of troubles.

I really do feel for the 13 year old here.

True.. Bella!

Sometimes we really don't know what to say until we start typing. Then it all comes out. Bella, I know what you mean.

Off topic but wanted you to know there is a purebred rescued Collie at our animal shelter, two years old, needs a good home. She doesn't look to good right now though (I don't care), she was so flea ridden they had to shave her down. You can imagine how funny she looks !I am going to see her tomorrow with my son. Apparently she is a treasure and I also hope she isn't gone cause I can't get there until tomorrow.

Another topic, Bella, I hear they are doing laser spaying now which is great, less invasive. Of course adopting means you pay for and adopt an animal, show if she isn't spayed, she will be.

Hugs

no!

"No" to what? No to reporting this? "No" to Shaz being kind hearted and helping this child? Or "no" to it being a horrible mess? Whatever you are saying "no" to, you need to explain yourself a little better. Or not get involved. I think you are a child yourself so... behave.

Shaz, You are privy to child pornography and abuse. It's not a matter of IF you should get involved somehow, it's HOW and WHEN. I'm sorry that this has fallen into your lap, but you know that the welfare of this child is paramount. Now, how do you deal with it? What exactly does the mother know? And how much is she willing to share with the authorities concerning her ex-husband's neglect and contribution to the corruption of a minor, his daughter? His interaction with this child should stop, now. And as far as the 18 year old, he should be investigated.

God bless you all.

Shaz, You are privy to child pornography and abuse. It's not a matter of IF you should get involved somehow, it's HOW and WHEN. I'm sorry that this has fallen into your lap, but you know that the welfare of this child is paramount. Now, how do you deal with it? What exactly does the mother know? And how much is she willing to share with the authorities concerning her ex-husband's neglect and contribution to the corruption of a minor, his daughter? His interaction with this child should stop, now. And as far as the 18 year old, he should be investigated.

God bless you all.

All we've got to go on here is third hand, Mike. A question that wasn't asked is how sure is the brother of the pictured girl's identity. This is why I keep cautioning Shaz and V to not make assumptions. The entire family could possibly be duped by teenage drama, or we could be facing incestuous rape. We don't know. Shaz, you've got my e-mail if you or V or the child needs somebody to address a rant to in private. It will stay private.

I haven't read all the posts so if I missed something, sorry. Please don't shoot me. ;)

Shazzy, speaking from experience, I really wish someone had questioned my behavior, had seen it for what it was, talked to me, gotten involved.

My parents didn't know what I was doing, I was very good at hiding things. Other family members did know and they did nothing. They swept it under the rug and just hoped I'd get over it, get used to it, grow up and stop what I was doing.

I was molested as a child and raped as a teen. Because of that I slept with anything that moved and had a penis. I didn't give a damn about myself. It sounds to me like that's what you're dealing with.

Crying rape, even if there was no rape, is a call for attention, but it's not always because the girl is just needy. I would bet that there's something going on here and no one has bothered to get to the truth of the matter. This girl is screaming for help, you see it, that's why you're asking this question.

If you do get involved this will be the hardest thing you've ever done. It will drain you physically and mentally and it may well end badly where her parents are concerned. The fact is, nothing worthwhile is easy.

You have it in your power to help this girl. I would be there by your side if I could. I can't, but I'm here if you have any questions, need any advice, or just need a shoulder. Sadly I've been this girl, and I lived to tell about it. Let's make sure she does too.

That's my advice. :)

All we've got to go on here is third hand, Mike. A question that wasn't asked is how sure is the brother of the pictured girl's identity. This is why I keep cautioning Shaz and V to not make assumptions. The entire family could possibly be duped by teenage drama, or we could be facing incestuous rape. We don't know. Shaz, you've got my e-mail if you or V or the child needs somebody to address a rant to in private. It will stay private.

True, but I have to add, where there's smoke, there's usually fire. Something is going on, it's just that nobody knows for sure what it is.

I did see that many people told Shazzy not to get involved. I understand why, I really do, but I can't agree with it. Why you may ask? Because I was that child. No one bothered to step up, to butt in, to ask question, to offer help. They all figured it wasn't any of their business. Truth told, I probably would have told them all off anyway, but now, at 39, I can't help but wonder what my life would be like now if someone had just cared enough to get involved, to find out what was going on with me.

I'm not the kind of person that sees someone getting robbed and just walks away because it's "none of my business". I'm the person that steps up, even knowing that I may get hurt, because I know I have to do it.

No, it's not really Shazzy's business. Yes, getting involved will make things hard. But, is it the right thing to do? Isn't every person we encounter important, worthy of our help?

Sorry to disagree here, I just see so much of me in this girl. No, I never cried rape, even though I was raped. But I did give off many signs that something was wrong. No one stepped in. No one intervened. I got lucky, I found it in myself to heal, to move on. Most people aren't as lucky.

All we've got to go on here is third hand, Mike. A question that wasn't asked is how sure is the brother of the pictured girl's identity. This is why I keep cautioning Shaz and V to not make assumptions. The entire family could possibly be duped by teenage drama, or we could be facing incestuous rape. We don't know. Shaz, you've got my e-mail if you or V or the child needs somebody to address a rant to in private. It will stay private.

Even third hand is worth looking into is it not, Andy?

If this child is drinking and smoking, the father is not very involved in her life.

A sibling confided in Shaz, and it should be investigated at the least. That's all I was suggesting. Not a raid.

Shaz knows this family well enough as to be here asking for assistance. And she knows that the father is not known to be responsible.

Maybe it is just attention seeking. Maybe it's being read all wrong. I hope it is. But what if it isn't? This is a child. And she is "dating" an 18 year old.

Tough call. I'm not envious.

Well I am just glad the mother is open to conversation. She needs support too in all of this and how to protect her daughter. .

I am so happy that Alty posted here as well. Gives a lot more insight to what could be going on here.

Abuse, especially at a younger age does so much harm. Like Alty said too is that children or teens can be very good at hiding it too, but the actions of that being abused can change so drastically and many parents have no clue what is going on.

One thing I want to point out is this. Yes, I hid it, but not overly. I wanted to be caught on some level. I wanted someone to say "hey, why are you doing this?" I wanted to talk about it, but I had to be asked to open up, I couldn't do it on my own. No one ever called me on my actions, not one person. Like I said, I got lucky, I found a great guy and he was the reason that I learned to love myself as much as he loved me. It's so hard to explain.

It's not an easy situation, for anyone, least of all the child. It's so hard to say "I was molested, I was raped". My parents went to their graves never knowing, I kept it to myself and the people that knew did so as well.

I wish I could express myself better, express exactly how it feels, but it's not easy. Maybe it's for the best. I wouldn't wish my experiences on anyone.

Check this out, Shaz. We're all so eager to help this kid we're snapping at each other. It goes without saying, whatever any or all of us can do to help, just ask.

Check this out, Shaz. We're all so eager to help this kid we're snapping at each other. It goes without saying, whatever any or all of us can do to help, just ask.

I snapped? OMG! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap, even though your hand does look pretty tasty. ;)

I was just trying to point out my experiences in this. Admittedly I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time, but I'm getting a vibe from all of this, and it's making me want to reach out to this kid like I wish someone had reached out to me. Like I said, I can't expect anyone to understand, it's too hard to explain unless you've been there. Even then, every situation is different.

Cats, you know I adore you, agree or disagree, that won't change ever. :)

Hugs?

I snapped? OMG! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap, even though your hand does look pretty tasty. ;)

I was just trying to point out my experiences in this. Admittedly I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time, but I'm getting a vibe from all of this, and it's making me want to reach out to this kid like I wish someone had reached out to me. Like I said, I can't expect anyone to understand, it's too hard to explain unless you've been there. Even then, every situation is different.

Cats, you know I adore you, agree or disagree, that won't change ever. :)

Hugs?

Alty hugs are magical. No, dear, I snapped at Joe and Mike. Sorry you guys.

Alty hugs are magical. No, dear, I snapped at Joe and Mike. Sorry you guys.

Knowing both of them, I think it's all good. When a question like this comes up we all have very different opinions. That's good, it will help in the long run. :)

We won't always agree, we all have different views and experiences to bring to the table. That's what makes this site great, we can all express our opinions and views. It's up to the OP, Shazzy in this case (who we all care about) to make the final decision.

Another great thing about this site, we'll all be there for her, no matter what she decides.

This is why I love AMHD and the people on it. :)

Just saying.

Knowing both of them, I think it's all good. When a question like this comes up we all have very different opinions. That's good, it will help in the long run. :)

We won't always agree, we all have different views and experiences to bring to the table. That's what makes this site great, we can all express our opinions and views. It's up to the OP, Shazzy in this case (who we all care about) to make the final decision.

Another great thing about this site, we'll all be there for her, no matter what she decides.

This is why I love AMHD and the people on it. :)

Just sayin.


Friends can disagree and still be friends.. We are all worried about the child. Shaz we're here if you need us:)

Who snapped at who? Did I miss something? Hmmm,

EDIT: we are all sharing our concerns and different opinions. I did not see anybody snap at anyone, but of course there is difference of opinion. There is nothing wrong with that. Is there?

Who snapped at who? Did I miss something?? Hmmm,

Nobody snapped at me... did someone snap at you? We're all friends Joe... We're all worried about Shaz.:)

Alty hugs are magical. No, dear, I snapped at Joe and Mike. Sorry you guys.

Hey, we are beyond that. It's really not about US is it?

I think that it's the circumstances that make us frustrated.

I just feel that doing nothing is not an option.

We're cool as cucumbers.

Snap... snap... snip. Okay, who was it ? Just kidding. I don't mind being a cucumber but not a snapper. How about you, Kit ? Care to chime in, cucumber or snapper ?

Tick

I know this is off topic, sorry guys just bear with me here!

Tick, those dogs can make the best pets. You should have seen Lady when I got her!

I hope you fall in love when you meet her, I know you've been looking for a new fur-baby. Keep me posted.

Sorry Shaz, I don't know what to say. I've been that kid too. I've been in Alty's shoes, there is times when she is telling her story, and I feel like she took a page from my book.

This girl so obviously needs an adult to interveen. Something is going on, and I hope she opens up to you.

I know this is off topic, sorry guys just bear with me here!

Tick, those dogs can make the best pets. You should have seen Lady when I got her!!

I hope you fall in love when you meet her, I know you've been looking for a new fur-baby. Keep me posted.

Sorry Shaz, I don't know what to say. I've been that kid too. I've been in Alty's shoes, there is times when she is telling her story, and I feel like she took a page from my book.

This girl so obviously needs an adult to interveen. something is going on, and I hope she opens up to you.

Snapper... Shaz... we are thinking of you!

You know what is another sad thing. It is not about just girls being molested or raped.

It happens to boys too, but you do not hear about those stories as often but it does happen.

The comments about all the girls have to stick together and girls getting molested and raped. It just does not happen to only girls.

Yes you are so right JH, it's so horrible. Unfortuantly it happens to both sexes. It's disgusting, and makes me sick. My heart literally breaks when I hear of the stories from some of those kids.

You know what is another sad thing. It is not about just girls being molested or raped.

It happens to boys too, but you do not hear about those stories as often but it does happen.

The comments about all the girls have to stick together and girls getting molested and raped. It just does not happen to only girls.

Very true Joe. I was only speaking from my experience, I should have included boys too. It wasn't intentional, but seeing as I was talking to Bella and not a boy, I did comment about our pain because that's what we know.

Shaz.. I hope everything works out... Blessings