sandiego2010
Apr 8, 2010, 09:14 PM
Hello -
I am really struggling here - my adult daughter (20 next month) is in real trouble. Since she was 10 years old, she has been in trouble at home/at school - stealing, drugs, lying, running with an older/problematic crowd. We went to therapy for 3 years and she continued to run from home/smoke pot, etc... by the time she was 14 - I placed her in a family reunification boarding school as all had become unbearable and I had run out of options at home - her activities were growing bolder and more expansive.
Upon returning home from boarding school - things fell apart at home. She returned to her previous behaviours and activities. A month before her 18th birthday - I gave her a choice - respect me and the home or leave. She left. She was to get her GED while working and then get into college classes. She did not.
I received a phone call on New Year's Day from her... she had been severely beaten by her boyfriend - having only talked to this guy on the phone - I determined that there was something wrong with him and I shared my feelings with her. She continued to see him. He had beaten her and I rushed to get to her (in another state). I packed her up and moved her to my home - to get therapy, start over and get her life on a good track. Once here - I found out that she has been working as a stripper for the past year (I am crushed) - this boyfriend is an ex-con/felon/body builder/bouncer.
After being here for a couple of months she is working at a new job, going to therapy, working towards a GED, etc... we thought that she was making progress. However, I have just learned that she has been talking to this abuser (he was in jail for 45 days over the beating of her)... once out - he called her. She is now leaving this week to go see him! I have talked to her - had others talk to her - this is a terrible idea. We have had interventions and talked and talked and talked... is like talking to a wall. She is determined to go and believes that he is a good person to be with - he is a very cruel person - he went to prison for putting 2 police officers in the ICU.
I am terrified for her and frustrated by all of this. She will not talk to me about this and says that she "doesn't like my approach"... she shuts the conversation down and will ignore me while I am talking to her - maybe short one word answers and she looks down the whole time. She is obsessed with herself and cannot see anything else in life but herself/looks and this abuser boyfriend.
I am at a loss here... have been through so much - but am still here to help. The problem is - I don't know how to help. She will not listen to me or here about the dangers of this man and the situation. Further - she sees no problem in working as a stripper. She was not brought up in that type of family - it is definitely not OK.
So very worried about her. The state is still prosecuting the case and she is supposed to testify against him - but she has since withdrawn her testimony and is not cooperating. She is totally focused on being with this criminal.
I see pure hate in her for me... I might as well be the devil. I don't want to alienate her, but is very difficult for me to sit in silence or pretend there is nothing wrong... her life/health is in jeopardy here...
My nerves are shot - my face twitches now and I have panic/anxiety attacks. This is just too much. My mother suggests I let go and let God.
Is very difficult to see my daughter reject me/safety/health/personal growth and instead choose friends/boyfriend who rob homes and work in strip clubs and commit all types of crimes.
I am heartbroken.
I am really struggling here - my adult daughter (20 next month) is in real trouble. Since she was 10 years old, she has been in trouble at home/at school - stealing, drugs, lying, running with an older/problematic crowd. We went to therapy for 3 years and she continued to run from home/smoke pot, etc... by the time she was 14 - I placed her in a family reunification boarding school as all had become unbearable and I had run out of options at home - her activities were growing bolder and more expansive.
Upon returning home from boarding school - things fell apart at home. She returned to her previous behaviours and activities. A month before her 18th birthday - I gave her a choice - respect me and the home or leave. She left. She was to get her GED while working and then get into college classes. She did not.
I received a phone call on New Year's Day from her... she had been severely beaten by her boyfriend - having only talked to this guy on the phone - I determined that there was something wrong with him and I shared my feelings with her. She continued to see him. He had beaten her and I rushed to get to her (in another state). I packed her up and moved her to my home - to get therapy, start over and get her life on a good track. Once here - I found out that she has been working as a stripper for the past year (I am crushed) - this boyfriend is an ex-con/felon/body builder/bouncer.
After being here for a couple of months she is working at a new job, going to therapy, working towards a GED, etc... we thought that she was making progress. However, I have just learned that she has been talking to this abuser (he was in jail for 45 days over the beating of her)... once out - he called her. She is now leaving this week to go see him! I have talked to her - had others talk to her - this is a terrible idea. We have had interventions and talked and talked and talked... is like talking to a wall. She is determined to go and believes that he is a good person to be with - he is a very cruel person - he went to prison for putting 2 police officers in the ICU.
I am terrified for her and frustrated by all of this. She will not talk to me about this and says that she "doesn't like my approach"... she shuts the conversation down and will ignore me while I am talking to her - maybe short one word answers and she looks down the whole time. She is obsessed with herself and cannot see anything else in life but herself/looks and this abuser boyfriend.
I am at a loss here... have been through so much - but am still here to help. The problem is - I don't know how to help. She will not listen to me or here about the dangers of this man and the situation. Further - she sees no problem in working as a stripper. She was not brought up in that type of family - it is definitely not OK.
So very worried about her. The state is still prosecuting the case and she is supposed to testify against him - but she has since withdrawn her testimony and is not cooperating. She is totally focused on being with this criminal.
I see pure hate in her for me... I might as well be the devil. I don't want to alienate her, but is very difficult for me to sit in silence or pretend there is nothing wrong... her life/health is in jeopardy here...
My nerves are shot - my face twitches now and I have panic/anxiety attacks. This is just too much. My mother suggests I let go and let God.
Is very difficult to see my daughter reject me/safety/health/personal growth and instead choose friends/boyfriend who rob homes and work in strip clubs and commit all types of crimes.
I am heartbroken.