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View Full Version : Trying to save my marriage


tommy10
Apr 5, 2010, 10:21 AM
Been married now for 2 years, have 2 children from a previous marriage. To make a long story short, my current wife is referring to me as a burden as I pay so much in child support each month, I just can't contribute money wise the way I wish I could. I offer to get a second job but she says that will take me away from my responsibilities at home so then she would be mad at me for that. I feel like I'm in a non-winnable situation.

She is overlly critical of me, and states its because she is stressed because she has to face a lot of the financial burdens(which I understand). I try to lighten the load for her by doing almost all the housework, dinner prep, and shopping. This does not seem to help.

I'm just tired of being blamed for every problem in the house. Her kids act up(hers from a previous marriage), its because I'm there and they are behaving that way because I'm not doing something right as a step parent. Just need some advice on how to handle it.

Cat1864
Apr 5, 2010, 11:00 AM
Your previous thread from 2008: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/things-not-going-so-well-259673.html.

It sounds like this has been going on since you got married. After you started that thread, did you get any type of marriage counseling or make any changes that helped it stay viable this long?

Quite frankly, it sounds like she is blaming you for her bad behavior and her children are mimicking their mother. As a step-parent, it really isn't your place to 'raise' her children. It is still her and her ex's duty to raise their children just like you should still be involved in raising your children.

She knew going into it that you had children to support just like her ex-husband does. I hope he pays child support or are you paying for his mistakes, too?

You both need to sit down and have a mature discussion about your relationship and where it is headed. You might want a neutral third party to mediate to keep the discussion on track and from turning into an argument.

tommy10
Apr 5, 2010, 11:44 AM
Seems to be a pattern. I just don't think I can live up to her expectations. And, yes, she was aware of the child support.

RustyFairmount
Apr 5, 2010, 09:16 PM
Read Dr. Emmerson Eggrigcs, Love and Respect. Great book that helped my marriage.