My husband and I are at a loss as to what to do about our 20 year old daughter. She has been pampered, indulged and spoiled throughout her life. She has only held down one part time job which she quit because it was too much to handle with school. However, on the other hand she is generally responsible and a good student. Lately she has had a bad attitude and been dating a 17 year old boy who she says is making her happy. This boy is a good kid but too young and immature for the long-term relationship she wants. His parents see the relationship as him hitting paydirt and are encouraging it. My daughter claims that we are controlling parents and want to control her life and her choices but I'm not entirely sure how we are doing this. She doesn't work, goes to school, does pretty much what she likes, and has total control of my car to the point where I can't get around and gets upset when I don't buy her something she wants. I pick her up from places because she doesn't want to take the bus or train with other people - who knows what kind of germs they have! Funny, both her father and I have worked hard our entire lives and are no where near the snob she's turned out to be. We have been supporting her and paying all her bills and schooling. We let her make her own decisions but this last one has us upset. She says f what the world thinks -- as long as she has a clear conscious then everything should be fine. We don't think it works that way. I'd like to think we are supportive parents and we let her make her own decisions and while we clearly can't stop her from doing stupid things, we also don't think we should have to put up with it either. She threatens to leave home on principal and claims she is an adult and yet in the same breath says we should pay for her new bracelet oh and don't forget the chain. We think she should get a job, even part time and go to school and pay for her own indulgences as any adult would do. We think she needs to accept responsibility for her own actions and don't know what to say to get through to her. I say we cut off financing her bills and let her get a real taste of life - my husband tries to talk to her but she isn't listening. Anyone have any ideas?

You're coddling her way too much. I'm not telling you how to raise your kid, I've never had a child, but if I was you, I would stop being so good to her, she needs to get on her own two feet soon and realize that everything isn't handed to her. She's in for a rough ride when you finally get tired of her (I imagine you will eventually or already are.), and she realizes things aren't handed to her. You shouldn't feel bad though, you made a mistake that a lot of parents do, you gave your kid too much of the good life, because the facts are, you don't start at the top living the good life, you start at the bottom. I hope that I've helped, and I hope I haven't offended you.
-Carl17

No you haven't offended me at all. I think you are right and we are coddling her way too much. We started at the bottom and have paid our dues. I don't think she's being controlled by us and I like to think that we have been supportive of her no matter what her choices but I feel like she's not seeing it.

Maybe she needs some control and structure?

Let her be as free as she wants, just don't be her bus service, and don't furnish her a car unless she is paying the bills.

If she wants to be a adult,let her by letting her pay her own bills.

Pay for the neccesities, give her what she needs, but not what she wants. Take control of your car back unless she is willing to get a job to contribute towards it and to share it reasonably and responsibly. Unless she is in an unsafe situation stop being her unpaid taxi and let her get the bus or stay home. Bracelets are not a neccesity, she either earns the money for stuff like that or does without.

Sorry but at the moment in your daughter's eyes you have doormat stamped across your foreheads. Time to make her see you are actually people who have feelings and if she doesn't respect them she doesn't get the treatment she would like.

Why would she want to listen when she's pretty much in control of getting exactly what she wants anyway. When she stops getting such a good deal on her terms maybe she will be willing to listen to what yours are.

You need to sit the girl down and tell her what her options are.

First.. If you want to continue to stay here you WILL NOT use
Profanity in this house.

Second... You will find a job and start buying your own things.

Third... Knock it off with the boyfriend.. you won't have time for him

Fourth.. You will help around the house by doing your laundry etc.

Fifth... You will respect your dad and me.. You will be in at night
At the time we tell you to be in.

I hope this works! It's just a suggestion. I'm afraid when she has to get out on her own she'll find the world is not as nice as home.
She's in for a very rude awakening. Get her prepared. From one Mom to another... Blessings and Good Luck!:)

Sounds like she has always run the show and wants to continue to do so.
Things need to change. If she thinks she is grown, let her be grown. That means she is on her own. She gets no money from you, no gifts. She can get a job and learn to catch the bus.
This young lady has grown up to be what she was raised to be. She has been spoiled and thinks the world revolves around her.
It's way past time for you guys to put your foot down.
If she wants to leave, let her. She'll soon find out what the real world is like. It may be the best thing for her.

[You may find some answers here





.In Response to Questions about Older Children Living at Home (http://www.empoweringparents.com/In-Response-to-Questions-about-Older-Children-Living-at-Home-by-James-Lehman.php) - 124k - Cached - Similar pages

My sons and daughters 17,14,12,10 are very spoiled and I let them do whatever they want. Leave her alone, why do you care who she's dating? I give each my daughters and sons 15$ a week, who cares! It really doesn't matter, and spoil her as mucj as you like.

My sons and daughters 17,14,12,10 are very spoiled and i let them do whatever they want. Leave her alone, why do you care who shes dating? I give each my daughters and sons 15$ a week, who cares! It really doesnt matter, and spoil her as mucj as you like.


I think you're probably some kid who has nothing better to do than come here and try to fool people.

My sons and daughters 17,14,12,10 are very spoiled and i let them do whatever they want. Leave her alone, why do you care who shes dating? I give each my daughters and sons 15$ a week, who cares! It really doesnt matter, and spoil her as much as you like.
It is not a wise thing to let them do whatever they want. What if your younger ones want to date, to have sex, drink smoke pot, is that OK?
Children need boundaries and rules, which is why these people are having a problem with a daughter who has no respect and thinks the world revolves around her.