Hi,

A little background before I start talking. Me and my ex had been going out for 2 years. We had a break about 2 months ago, just to sort ourselves out. WE wrote lists What not, and everything was going swimmingly.

I was at her family's place few weekends ago, and everything was fine we were both extremely happy.

Then on Monday afternoon she calls me saying we need to talk, saying she loves me but is not "in love with me". She feels like we have become friends, but she love me more than a friend? Her sister called me after as we are close, and said she's confused we should have space and maybe try and be friends.

About me, I've had 6-7 relationships short long medium term and I'm almost 24,she's 23. I'm very sure this girl is the one and only for me. I have never felt this way about anyone ever.

So fast forward a week or two after following the NC rules. I sent an sms to my friend, but it sent to her by accident.. (sounds cliché , but honest mistake on my part). Just small talk I said wrong person.

The following day she calls/sms's saying we have a bond and she wants to be friends with me. I don't deny we have a bond, I think she is scared she is going to lose me, as I haven't really been friends with my ex's.

I told her my feelings about her so I'll have to trade off my feelings to be her friend. I told her its selfish to call me just cause you want to talk as it doesn't help us both, she said she misses me and misses my company. We spoke a little, and it seemed civil and mature a few jokes and then we parted.

What should I do now? I want to be her boyfriend, but I know that can't be right now.
I'm of the believe as well if I be her friend later on we could be stronger, am I naïve?
I really do see my future with this girl, I've never felt like this about anyone.. Should I be her friend or should I let her go, and hope she comes back...

My heads exploding... any thoughts/opinions please

You go back to NC and move on with your life.

Friendship now,while you are not over the breakup is not going to work.

Yes, she may miss you and what you had,but you need to do what's best for you now.

Don't wait around in limbo hoping for something that may never happen.

You have to get over the break up and over her first before any form of true friendship can occur. If you guys stay friends and she gets a new boyfriend how will you react? Save yourself the pain by going no contact, create a life that doesn't include her till you are ready.

You go NC until you can sort things out yourself, you are in no shape to be friends with her yet

If you are smart and seems you are, stay NC. Good Luck

Thanks for the advice

I should probably add that me and my ex never really we're friends before going out we we're pretty full on for 2 yrs.
So I don't see friendship as an issue.

I will continue with the no contact.Its just I'm so used to making her happy, I know I'm the only person who can do that(for now).

But as I said to her, she made the decision. Um just another question we are both traveling overseas in about 3-4 months. She's going with family, I'm going with friends different countries, she wants to keep in touch.. .

Am I being inconsiderate by thinking that I don't want to do that. I feel as if she is uncertain and she just wants me there until she decides or moves on. I feel she wants me yet isn't sure, and wants to put me on hold. I'm not too sure how I feel about that.. .

Don't think yourself inconsiderate for not wanting to be the fallback guy,or the backup plan-thats what it would amount to.

Go do your own thing,travel and enjoy your travels,and go no contact all the way.

Dont think yourself inconsiderate for not wanting to be the fallback guy,or the backup plan-thats what it would amount to.

Go do your own thing,travel and enjoy your travels,and go no contact all the way.

Live your life to the fullest!:)

But I don't see myself as a back up plan, but I do see what your saying. In saying that, I didn't make the decision therefore, she should really accept it. Because no matter how much I love or care for her, I can't let my future mental state deteriorate on hopes and dreams or a whim that we may or may not get back together.

but i don't see myself as a back up plan, but i do see what your saying. In saying that, I didn't make the decision therefore, she should really accept it. Because no matter how much i love or care for her, i can't let my future mental state deteriorate on hopes and dreams or a whim that we may or may not get back together.

She is out of your life and good luck too her! Don't let her pull you back!

I don't know I'm just not sure, you guys are right should be all about me right now. I can't be her support network after all this, its pretty immature. What do I say if she wants to talk because I'm assuming she wants to talk at the same level we were at when we were together, its so easy to go back to that. I'm weak, she truly has a hold on me(not in a bad way)

You tell her that you need time alone to heal.

You make choices and decisions for your own self now-you decide what serves you best-its not about what she needs or wants.

Once the relationship is over,all the girlfriend priviligies are null and void.

Thanks for the advice, maybe I'm being dramatic but I think this girl is my soul-mate. Probably why I'm so willing to be nice.

I've been through break ups before (a few) this one takes the cake.. I don't know I just see me and my ex's situation as unique when I should just see it as anything other break up.

One of my friends described ex gf's as sunken costs, no matter what you through at them they'll never return anything.haha maybe he's right?

Thanks again guys. . Its hard to be confident when your hearts been broken, but there's only one way up from rock bottom

That's the whole point-no false hope,no whims or her possibly sitting-on-the-fence-its about your emotional health and how you act in your own best interests.

Thats the whole point-no false hope,no whims or her possibly sitting-on-the-fence-its about your emotional health and how you act in your own best interests.






If I 've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Women despise weak men. They know they can have them anytime, anyplace or anywhere. Then they get with their friends and laugh about it. Don't be that man! Stop being a puppet, cut the strings.

I was never that guy, I'm independent and stronger than this. Thanks for the motivational quote. Its not an overnight process. But I'm realizing there's no halfway in..

Cheers guys

i was never that guy, I'm independent and stronger than this. thanks for the motivational quote. Its not an overnight process. but I'm realizing there's no halfway in..

cheers guys

Same here... :)

LOL @ on to the next one's screen name... im loving it...

I was you just like 3 months ago... what you must do is let her go do her own thing and do your own thing... when I got my head together I had like 4 interests lined up... whether they were dates or acquaintances they filled the void and let me move on...

You are just missing the constant female attention... I know because I was like that... and please stop with the SHE IS THE ONE AND ONLY FOR ME... I was just like that too and if she was THE ONE you guys wouldn't have broken up...

And please do not be her friend for at least a year honestly... what I think she may be doing is trying to 'keep you in the pocket' basically a backup plan in case she can't find your replacement... how do I know? Because my ex pulled that friends stuff a month ago... no way can it be that way...

LOL @ on to the next one's screen name.....im lovin it....

I was you just like 3 months ago.....what you must do is let her go do her own thing and do your own thing......when i got my head together i had like 4 interests lined up.....whether they were dates or acquaintances they filled the void and let me move on....

you are just missing the constant female attention.....i know because i was like that......and please stop with the SHE IS THE ONE AND ONLY FOR ME.....i was just like that too and if she was THE ONE you guys wouldnt have broken up.....

And please do not be her friend for at least a year honestly....what i think she may be doing is trying to 'keep you in the pocket' basically a backup plan in case she can't find your replacement.....how do i know? because my ex pulled that friends stuff a month ago.....no way can it be that way....

This is so true, I was and still partly am convinced my ex was my soul mate, but fact is exes wouldn't leave you if it was meant to be. This isn't Hollywood or some cheesy love song, an if someone leaves us, it's time for us to leave them as well. Being friends does not work out until you are completely healed. I recently had a small Facebook conversation with a girl I dated for a year in high school, and that was like 4-5 years ago. And it felt good to just catch up, and part ways, no drama, no feelings nothing. Until you can successfully pull that off, stay away and go NC

This is so true, I was and still partly am convinced my ex was my soul mate, but fact is exes wouldn't leave you if it was meant to be. This isn't Hollywood or some cheesy love song, an if someone leaves us, it's time for us to leave them as well. Being friends does not work out until you are completely healed. I recently had a small facebook convo with a girl I dated for a year in highschool, and that was like 4-5 years ago. And it felt good to just catch up, and part ways, no drama, no feelings nothing. Until you can successfully pull that off, stay away and go NC

Leave her alone!

Interests aren't the hard part I believe that's easy lining that up.. the connection is the biggest thing.. . But ultimately you guys are right.. she made the decision, if it was meant to be and we were what she says we were it never had happened.

Just to add something she said, sort of seems like a control mechanism. . To me tell me what you think. . She said if you care about me enough you'll be my friend, even if you get a new girlfriend I still want you to try and remain in contact as much as you can. .


I've come to the realization she's very demanding for someone who just broke up with me. . Granted I think I was a first massive relationship. . But I think she doesn't grasp what her ultimate decision means. . I do.

interests aren't the hard part i believe that's easy lining that up.. the connection is the biggest thing. . . .But ultimately you guys are right.. she made the decision, if it was meant to be and we were what she says we were it never had happened.

just to add something she said, sorta seems like a control mechanism. . to me tell me what you think. . she said if you care about me enough you'll be my friend, even if you get a new gf i still want you to try and remain in contact as much as you can. .


I've come to the realization shes very demanding for someone who just broke up with me. . granted i think i was a first massive relationship. . but i think she doesn't grasp what her ultimate decision means. . I do.





So move on! Good Luck!

thanks kitkat22, its just the enormity of the task is massive. Better to be a robot sometimes = ).

cheers guys, its good to have an outlet for the human washing machine that my life has become.

thanks kitkat22, its just the enormity of the task is massive. better to be a robot sometimes = ).

cheers guys, its good to have an outlet for the human washing machine that my life has become.

It's difficult, but time will heal!

Like my ex this girl is playing with your head, she is not interested in you romantically or friendship, she only wants her ego to be stroked a bit, but you can change that, do not respond to her suggestions, stay no contact, then she'll miss you n if she keeps saying sweet nothing in your ear don't fall for it until she's chasing you again, but again maintain no contact. You will know what you have to do when you are healing, remember,she only gets 1 chance to be with u, u can't offer her a relationship anytime soon, be funny,flirt with other girls so your confidence grows and never talk about the past with your ex, if she asks, tell her -- swty that is history and doesn't save the day.

You need to get over this girl, before you start another relationship. Good luck to you and remember.. You are a good person who deserves a woman who will love you as much as you love her. It will happen! Take time and don't go into a new relationship right away! God:) Bless you


jst like my ex this girl is jst playing with ur head, she is not interested in u romantically or friendship, she only wants her ego to be stroked a bit, but u can change that, do not respond to her suggestions, stay no contact, then she'll miss u n if she keeps saying sweet nothing in ur ear dont fall for it until she's chasing u again, but again maintain no contact. You will know what u have to do when u r healing, remember,she only gets 1 chance to be with u, u can't offer her a relationship anytime soon, be funny,flirt with other girls so your confidence grows and never talk about the past with your ex, if she asks, tell her -- swty tht is history and doesnt save the day.

Lettaljeff... I should let you know text speak isn't allowed in the posts on this site. I'm not being mean just letting you know the rules.:)

Thanks will remember that

thanks will remember that

You are very welcome! Have a great day and blessings:)

Do as your screen name implies... On To The Next One. :)

Looks like your doing good ontothenextone! Keep up the NC... let her chase and let her pursue her friendship so she feels better about herself... but by no means respond. As someone else in the thread said, they only get one chance to be with us. This site is awesome isn't it?

looks like your doing good ontothenextone! keep up the NC....let her chase and let her pursue her friendship so she feels better about herself...but by no means respond. as someone else in the thread said, they only get one chance to be with us. this site is awesome isnt it?





Good luck and let us know how it's going!:)

no worries guys. If April 1st wasn't omen enough my mobile died and deleted most of my ex's messages... haha. . And now I'm onto the next phone = ). . I don't know about the one chance thing though, I know a few couples who are married or otherwise who have gone out before(albeit 2-3 years before re-meeting). . But I isn't concerned with that, you enjoy life as I am doing now.

cheers guys

no worries guys. if April 1st wasn't omen enough my mobile died and deleted most of my ex's messages...haha. . and now im onto the next phone = ). . i dunno about the one chance thing though, i know a few couples who are married or otherwise who have gone out before(albeit 2-3 years before re-meeting). . But i aint concerned with that, ya'll enjoy life as i am doing now.

cheers guys

Those relationships are few and far between though, careful you don't hold out too much (if any) hope for that. Take care and you enjoy life to man!

Those relationships are few and far between though, careful you don't hold out too much (if any) hope for that. Take care and you enjoy life to man!




Good luck to you. Don't you dare put her number on your phone!:)