So, it's emopunk7 here and my brother told me that my ex has had a boyfriend for 3 months which means she was with him 3 months after dumping me or sooner. I asked him because it's been 6 months. It is sad to know they now do things we used to do together. The strange thing is that it's her next door neighbor and he is Philippine like her. I'm Puerto Rican but it makes me sad that she never even said bye in a nice way to me and I only did one thing wrong. She never even said thanks for everything. This is just a little hard to take in especially when I din't have a girlfriend. What should my focus be on and is it normal to feel sad about this?

Are we starting all this again Emo?

You aren't with her anymore. Did you think she'd live life without anyone? That's not realistic.

She's moved on, you should have moved on by now too.

Why would you feel sad? It's over. It's done. She's the past. Who cares what she's doing or who she's doing it with?

Why are you still keeping tabs on her?

Just let it go already or you'll never find peace.

Your feelings of sadness are normal.

What you do is just keep living your own life and keep busy ,working on your own happiness.

It's over,you find closure within yourself and move on.

Of course it should make you sad, but only briefly. If I knew my ex was seeing someone else 3 months after it would bug me too, but that's all the more reason to not want to be with her. It's new guys problem now. Everyday that passes gets you closer to the girl your meant to be with.

It's normal to feel this way because you are just finding out.
She hasn't giving you a second thought to have anything to say to you about your past relationship with her because she didn't appreciate it as much as you did.
It's sad, I know. But some people use the love words more loosly than others just to get what they want at the time. I remember many females I've known that have said that about guys, saying they love you just to get what they want. But it's proving to be that females do that just as much as guys do. I think that many assumptions like that used to be considered just what guys do, but now that guys are starting to open up more to others we are finding out that it is actually pretty much equal when it comes to these things, and I think it always has been that way. It's just coming to light in these newer days.
Women can be just as abusive, uncaring, game playing, violent, and untrusting as men. It's hard for men to accept this about women because we were not taught that. Our whole perception of them was way different.

Its disappointing news, but not totally unexpected, and one would think you will overcome this, as you did the break up. Why look back now, and wonder?

This was from January:
My bro also said she still doesn't hang out with the family and is always out and she is probably with a new guy all the time now.

You have known that this was a probability since then. As I stated at that time, getting news about her through your brother is not a good idea. Stop asking about her even if it is months between times.

Keep your focus on you and your life. Live for yourself and your future. :)

I guess just hearing that made me think how strange it is to have someone and then realize all those good times are gone forever. And the fact she never even said bye nicely and just left me like dirt even though I apologized for doing what I did and explaining why and explaining I won't ever do it again. It meant nothing. I truly believe she wanted out long ago. I have had 2 chances to be in a relationship but I didn't really like the girls. I don't know what's coming next but it doesn't seem so bad. Thank you for your words so far everyone. Has this happened to someone and has any thought to share? Why would she move on after 3 months to her next door neighbor? I want to not care but for some reason it is.

Deal with it, your coping skills are better than that.

Emopunk, haven't we been here already?

I thought you were done with the past and looking forward.

Is this the start of another 800 post thread where we get nowhere? Tell me now so I can unsubscribe.

Yes, this is the slap in the face I think you need.

Get over it already! Stop living in the past, there's a whole future waiting for you!

Yea, I'm just going to deal with it.

Yea, I'm just going to deal with it.

Emo, we've heard this before too.

Are you sure this time?

You have to stop asking about her. You have to stop thinking about her. She's no longer a part of you life so don't let her into it.

Lol... Thanx Altenweg... I can't just not think about her. I really loved her more than I think anybody ever will or possibly can. You have heard I will deal with it and I have. It's been 6 months and I'm doing good but that news made me sad which is normal. Just as I have gone through other things, I will also get through this. I just have to deal with it. There is nothing else to do. No magic potion. Dealing with it is the hard choice. No drugs or drinking to avoid it. I just needed a few thoughts from my friends here like you guys. Thank you. I will get through this. I hope great things keep happening for me. Wish me luck. Much love from me to you all!

lol...Thanx Altenweg...I can't just not think about her. I really loved her more than I think anybody ever will or possibly can. You have heard I will deal with it and I have. It's been 6 months and i'm doing good but that news made me sad which is normal. Just as I have gone through other things, I will also get through this. I just have to deal with it. There is nothing else to do. No magic potion. Dealing with it is the hard choice. No drugs or drinking to avoid it. I just needed a few thoughts from my friends here like you guys. Thank you. I will get through this. I hope great things keep happening for me. Wish me luck. Much love from me to you all!

As others have said, and as I have PMed you about this. Do you really think that she was going to be single for the rest of her life and die alone? Do you HONESTLY think that you will be single for the rest of your life and die alone? Do you think that because you are not with her that you will die alone? Give me a break. That is IMPOSSIBLE. There is no humanly possible way for you to be alone for the rest of your life, and for her too.

She will find someone, she will be happy(or seem it), and she will be the same person as she was to you. But if you loved her, as you say you did... you should WANT her to be happy. Why would you want someone to be with you and be UNHAPPY? That would just be selfish and mean. I could not live with myself if I was the ONLY ONE HAPPY in a relationship. Does that make sense?

She obviously was NOT happy with you, and now she is trying to make HERSELF happy. As you should try and make YOURSELF HAPPY. I know it seems like she is the ONLY ONE to make you happy, but you have your WHOLE life ahead of you, and you honestly think that you are going to be alone for the rest of your life?

Think about this. Instead of being sad that she is no longer with you, and with another man. You should just remember that we are all going to die in the end, so at one-point or another she will be alone, either a widow, or dead in the dirt with no one but herself. :cool:

Her saying goodbye to you nicely wouldn't have changed the way you feel.

. . .Why would she move on after 3 months to her next door neighbor?
A woman can emotionally check-out of a relationship while still in it. So, sometimes, when she officially breaks up with her boyfriend, she's already over him. Strange creatures.

You earned the caliber of pain you feel now, you dug for information, you broke NC. Ignorance is bliss my friend.

I guess just hearing that made me think how strange it is to have someone and then realize all those good times are gone forever. And the fact she never even said bye nicely and just left me like dirt even though I apologized for doing what I did and explaining why and explaining I won't ever do it again. it meant nothing. I truly believe she wanted out long ago. I have had 2 chances to be in a relationship but I didn't really like the girls. I don't know what's coming next but it doesn't seem so bad. Thank you for your words so far everyone. Has this happened to someone and has any thought to share? Why would she move on after 3 months to her next door neighbor? I want to not care but for some reason it is.

I'll have to agree with sabrewolfe on this one.
Oh that's right, I am sabrewolfe!

Yes I've been there, years ago.
There was a girl I was very happy with. She broke up with me after two years, and went right on to another guy, just like that.
It was hard to deal with for a long time, but as time went on, I did eventually get over it and moved on.
Three years later, as I was in the second year of being with my soon to be wife at the time, this old girlfriend got in touch with me. She married that guy, had a child with him, and divorced him a year and a half later. She wanted to know if we could get together sometime. It was a good feeling to be able to tell her no and good luck with the rest of her life.

Ok, a few things. I received a phone call the other day but I missed it as I was busy. I called the number back and it was from JCPenney (my ex works there). I have no business with that company and no other company calls so I'm guessing she called. But why would she try to contact me after 6 months. And even if she wanted to try things and as much as I love her I can't go back this time no matter what. She ruined any chance and that hurts but I just can't go back to go through the same pain and be with someone that treated me so mean many times and who obviously didn't love me the same. Someone who left me and was with another just after 3 months. So any thoughts on that?

My next issues is this. I went on a date last night and I had a great time! But I've been on dates before with this girl. I usually just did it to get my mind off my ex but I still never felt comfortable or relaxed or happy around her. She liked me but I didn't feel the same. But this time I went on the sate without my ex on my mind and it's been about 2 months since being on a date with this girl. Something strange happened. I had a lot of fun and I felt very relaxed and we connected. I enjoyed being with her and I want to see her again. I'm not head over heels and reacting emotionally as I'm totally over my ex. As in no pain and it doesn't affect my reality anymore. This girl and I text each other and have another date on Monday to walk at my favorite park. Here is my issue. She is not the hottest girl. I'm a cool guy as I'm sure most can tell, hopefully. I can't say she is the hottest girl to me because it's not true and that bothers me a bit. I have been pushing myself to keep that aside. I mean she is cute and nice body but not someone who I'm 100% attracted to. Even though I know this, I still want to see her and be around her and have fun with her. This never happened before. Also, a stupid point here. I am known to be with only very pretty girls and everyone says I should be with a beautiful girl. I keep thinking what other people will think of me and how they will treat her when they see her with me. Like if she was really pretty everyone will be nice to her and all. I'm scared people will look down on me because I like her. Sometimes I think why bother dating her if it won't last. Then there is this romantic side that says, dude, you like her and she is cool with you and treats you good. She agrees with me a lot and like I said, I felt comfortable with her yesterday and I felt good around her so I'm pushing aside all these thoughts. I'm wondering that just because my mind knows that she's not 100% attractive, can we able to have a healthy and good relationship? I just don't want to waste her time. I hope you all understand what I mean. I never liked a girl who I wasn't 100% attracted to. There's just something about this girl that I like and I find interesting. I personally don't think it will affect anything. At points she looks very pretty and I tell myself, that it's not like I look good all the time. We all have our moments. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Bottom line, I like her and I enjoy being around her but will this fade away just because I will think other women are prettier? Or can this work as long as I like her?

I don't think she would appreciate you posting a picture of her.

I am also not sure why you are doing that.

You're not completely over your ex,as that phonecall got you a bit worked up again.

As for the girl,why not date and get to know each other,as long as you are on the same page,but if she has feelings ,or is starting to feel more deeply about you,and you don't feel the same,you need to be honest about how you feel.

Remember,looks eventually fade,a great personality is most likely for life.

Man who cares if she's not made 100% in your image. You have said it yourself, she's a great girl and very fun to be around, and cute to boot! So go for it, and don't worry about the fact she may not look like a model to you. That will pass if you two ever developed real feelings for each other.

As to the ex, stop dwelling on old feelings that are stirred up.

As to the new girl, you're just dating so have fun, and stop caring about what others think, and trying to live up to a stupid reputation.

Keep it real guy, or don't date, as going through the motions will get you alone, and a shallow person will never enjoy what life has to offer.

Now please bring your head closer to the screen so I can thump your forehead!

Emo, get real. She isn't a fashion accessory any more than a dog is (think Paris Hilton, et al). She is a human being. Treat her like one in your mind and in person. If you treat her well, why wouldn't others? It sounds like she is a beautiful person where it really counts-her personality. If you really get to know her and not what you wish she was, she could be the most beautiful woman you have ever met.

Don't be one of those people who buy into the 'model's looks' myth. Most of them don't look that 'hot' unless they are made up for a photo shoot. You need a 'real' person not a 'fake' ideal.

If I were you, I would be concerned about how she and her friends might see you. Will they see you as a 'caring person' or 'vain idiot'?

Do I need to link to Carly Simon's You're So Vain (I don't really think are so why try act that way)? :)

BEWARE HARSH POST


Ok, a few things. I received a phone call the other day but i missed it as i was busy. I called the number back and it was from JCPenney (my ex works there). I have no business with that company and no other company calls so I'm guessing she called. But why would she try to contact me after 6 months. And even if she wanted to try things and as much as i love her I can't go back this time no matter what. She ruined any chance and that hurts but I just can't go back to go through the same pain and be with someone that treated me so mean many times and who obviously didn't love me the same. Someone who left me and was with another just after 3 months. So any thoughts on that?
Could have been a wrong number. Don't read too much into it. Lord, my ex husband works for Domino's Pizza. I don't freak every time they call my house randomly with their monthly specials.



My next issues is this. I went on a date last night and I had a great time! Something strange happened. I had a lot of fun and I felt very relaxed and we connected.

Yay!


i'm totally over my ex.
Honestly? No, you aren't you you would not have posted this.


As in no pain and it doesn't affect my reality anymore.

Face it Emo, there is still pain and it does affect your reality or this thread would never have been started.


She is not the hottest girl. I'm a cool guy as I'm sure most can tell, hopefully. I can't say she is the hottest girl to me because it's not true and that bothers me a bit. I have been pushing myself to keep that aside. I mean she is cute and nice body but not someone who im 100% attracted to.

Now we are getting down to the nitty gritty. This is VERY superficial. You will never, to the day you die, find someone who you are 100% attracted to. Why? It's not just looks dude, but personality. No one person can have both and be perfect. You are reaching for the stars, but your arms aren't long enough.

Listen up and hear me well. Looks fade and personalities mature. You don't want arm candy, you want someone who is your emotional and intellectual equal. Don't get me wrong, looks are important, but again, they fade. Once a raging beauty queen at the age of 19 and now a fat broad in spandex at the age of 60... but she still makes you laugh, still makes you feel young. Okay, that's a little far fetched, but you get my point.


Even though i know this, I still want to see her and be around her and have fun with her. This never happened before.

That's a very GOOD thing. Embrace it.


a stupid point here. I am known to be with only very pretty girls and everyone says i should be with a beautiful girl.

Yup, stupid and superficial point. "Everyone" doesn't have to live with you and your drama because you chose beauty over brains.


Like if she was really pretty everyone will be nice to her and all.

Then those people aren't worth your time. They are superficial as well.


= I'm scared people will look down on me because i like her. Then tell these people to go screw themselves.


There's just something about this girl that I like and i find interesting.

Then run with it.

In the end, beauty fades. It's not what you look at when you are with someone, but how they make you feel.

There is an aura about people when they are truly happy that is much more obvious than beauty or brawn. The happier you are, the more beautiful you are and looks have nothing to do with it.

I have a beauty queen niece... she married an absolutely drop dead gorgeous man. He beat her and abused her mentally and physically. The marriage was annulled. She is now married to a bald man in his 30s who is quite overweight. BUT, he treats her like a queen. They are so in love that anyone who even sees them together looks beyond the physical and straight into the kinetic metaphysical. That, my dear, is true love.

Stop looking for princesses and start kissing toads, you never know what you may find hidden underneath.

. . . I'm a cool guy as I'm sure most can tell, hopefully.
Lol

. . .My next issue is this. . .
You always have an issue. You will never be satisfied.

If you haven't already, you will piss off a lot of women on this board for saying "she's not the hottest girl" and that "I am known to be with only very pretty girls".

Thank you everyone! That's pretty much what I was thinking inside. It shouldn't matter how pretty because as long as she treats me good and we talk and have fun then who cares. I feel better now. I like her and I want to see her again. I had a dream with my ex last night and I was trying to make her happy but she kept whining and complaining about everything and I kept trying. Reminded me of how the relationship really was. I can't wait for Monday. I will keep you guys updated and thanks for all the wise words of wisdom. They were all great posts and didn't attack me except for slapshot but he has always been bitter. Thank you everyone and I really appreciate it all. By the way, I asked this girl to a rock show with me in may and she said she would love to go! It's my favorite rock show! Take care!

I will keep you guys updated and thanks for all the wise words of wisdom. They were all great posts and didn't attack me except for slapshot but he has always been bitter.

Actually, Slapshot was pretty nice compared to what I would have said. Vain men make me want to scream.

Back in the day I used to be the arm candy the guys wanted. I have a brain, I have a personality, but because I was pretty that's all the vain jerks saw, and I was too young to realize that these jerks only wanted a pretty little thing on their arm to show off to their friends.

It took a real man to look past the exterior and see who I really am. I married that man.

Now, 20 years later, I don't turn as many heads as I used to, I've gotten older, I have kids, I don't feel the need to go out looking like a model. I'm me, and people either like me for that or not.

I'm going to cut you some slack because you're young and hopefully vanity is because of that.

As for the girl you're dating, you're lucky that despite your vanity, she's still willing to give you a chance. Trust me, if she's as much fun, as nice, as sweet as you say, you'll soon think she's the most beautiful woman on earth. Hopefully then you'll kick that vanity, that thought that you only deserve the most beautiful women, out the door and leave it there. At least I hope so.

Get over yourself and your vain thoughts, try looking into a persons soul and not just at a persons body.

. . .They were all great posts and didn't attack me except for slapshot but he has always been bitter.
Lol, what can I say, I'm not for everyone.

Have fun at the show.

I agree slapshot, you are not for everyone but at least you have altenweg which is funny because you both give me the same vibes in your responses. A bit too cocky for my taste. Nonetheless, slapshot, thanks for wishful thinking at the show.

Secondly, I do realize I am not totally over my ex. Today I had some difficulty with my thoughts. I kept thinking of our times together but I would force thoughts of bad times as well. I don't know why these thoughts come. Its always during work time. I am so tired of this. Why can't we rewind time and be able to redo things? Why don't I have many options on many girls? I just want to have fun and enjoy life.
When I feel like I haven't worked out, I feel so down but the thoughts don't motivate me to work out.
I'm a mess today... ughhh!
I feel alone mostly and I want a girlfriend already. I've been single long enough and despite my girlfriend dumping me I don't have any issues. Sure I can be a bit jealous but doesn't everyone? I know how to keep it rational and I've learned some more since the break up. I was suppose to study with a girl over the week because she talks to me a lot and she keeps saying she wants to study and she didn't even email me to cancel or something. I kind of liked her so when I go back to class, I'm not even going to talk or sit by her. I'm not going to ask why not and act desperate. She obviously isn't that into me so forget that. Sorry for the vent.

Your question: "Why don't I have many options on many girls?" is mostly because you possibly keep comparing everyone to your ex.


I feel alone mostly and I want a girlfriend already. Why? You don't need a girl to define you. You need to take time to be single to get over your loss. You need to find out who YOU are again. Until you do that, you aren't going to be able to give your new girlfriend that complete attention that she deserves.


I was suppose to study with a girl over the week because she talks to me a lot and she keeps saying she wants to study and she didn't even email me to cancel or something.

Did you take the time to call or email or did you expect her to do that?

I asked her to email me if she wanted to study and well she never did when she said she would.

I found the Facebook of my ex. Apparently she shares on with her new boyfriend of 3 months. Strange. I saw their pictures and they look good together. It didn't hurt me at all and no feelings came out. It was strange seeing my ex in a hotel room with another guy though. I just wanted to see it and get it over with and not wonder anymore. I am annoyed more than anything to see that he is at their house and doing all the things that I did. Oh well, this is life, huh? I'm okay though. I think I had to do this and not be shocked in the streets or something.

I asked her to email me if she wanted to study and well she never did when she said she would.

Maybe she was waiting for you to email. Did you ever think of that?



I found the facebook of my ex.

Okay, I guess my last post wasn't harsh enough, and as most of you know, I don't sugar coat anything. She is out of your life! GET OUT OF HERS!


Are you becoming her stalker or what? Seriously dude, get a life! If you don't quit this you won't have access to a computer behind bars. The don't have computers in county jail cells.

It's plain and simple, you are obsessed! Why are you so freaking obsessed about a control freak?

Look Emo, she doesn't want you in her life. No ifs ands or buts about it! Stop looking her up on Facebook and/or myspace. Stop thinking it's her calling every time the phone rings. She doesn't want you in her life. What don't you get about that?

No, I get it. I just thought I'd see it now instead of later. I'm okay with it. I'm not going to go find the guy or anything crazy. I guess I'm a bit sad. I realize now that it was over a while ago. There is a quote, absence makes the heart grow fonder, if not you learn you don't need that person. While I was on a cruise, I had fun but missed her a lot. When I returned she said she liked the space and got used to it.. That hurts... then a few other times she sneaked out without telling me and I wouldn't do that. So I'm just sad that I loved a girl so much and she wasn't that into me. It hurts a bit. I'm not saying woe is me. I'm learning day by day we weren't meant to be and its nobodies fault. I have to be stronger at this moment.

I'm learning day by day we weren't meant to be

Wow, you are dragging out this day-by-day thing aren't you? It's been SIX months for crying out loud. That's half a freaking year! Not six WEEKS. SIX MONTHS!

Again, I'm not sugar coating anything, but you need to hear this.

You know, it gets really tiresome for those of us trying to help you to tell you the same carp over and over. You just don't get it.

She is out of your life, get her out of your brain! Yes, it's actually that easy if you let yourself enjoy what freedom is really all about. It's about meeting people without having expectations. Life is about learning, loving AND letting go.

When a spouse, for instance, dies it is recommended that the living spouse get counseling if they are still grieving SIX MONTHS after the death of their loved one. Does that give you a clue as to how you should proceed now? Get counseling for this problem of yours.

Or are you a glutton for punishment? Do you enjoy hearing us get upset with you over and over?

Thank God my 16 year old does not act like this over breakups. I don't think I could handle it!

People come and people go. We learn and live. We take the good with the bad and move on. Get it? MOVE ON ALREADY!

I have to stop wanting to know about her. You are right. I'm getting tired of myself so trust me I can only imagine how you guys feel. Even tough I didn't suffer this time as much as last time, it is still taking some time for the thoughts to go away. I have school and work so I can't go out much right now. I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone here. I'm such a mess this week. I don't know why. I've been sooo much better before. Why is this happening after 6 months. Is it just part of getting bad information or part of getting over it? Maybe I should get some rest and then workout and then do something. I feel so unmotivated this weekend. I hope this will pass. This sucks! I want to scream and cry but I'm trying not to.

Emo, can I ask you something, and I'm not trying to be mean here, how many posts are we going to go through before this thread is closed with your last post being "I think she called. I looked up her facebook. Why did she move on so fast? How could she do this? How come it was so easy for her to say goodbye?" ad nauseum.

It's been 6 months but frankly, it seems like we've been talking about the same issues over and over again for 6 years.

I don't usually say this, but I don't think there's any help for you here. You're not willing to listen, you're not willing to follow anyone's advice, you just want to feel sorry for yourself and drag this on and on and on.

You need more help then we can give you, seriously, look into therapy because I don't think anyone has anything to add that hasn't already been said 100 times before. Again, I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm completely serious. I think you need counseling, hopefully that will finally do the trick.

I can only wish you luck because really there's nothing left to say that hasn't already been said and ignored by you.

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. Thanks altenweg. I know you mean well. This is what I get for revolving my whole world around one girl. I'm sure this is a weak weekend. Ill be okay soon enough. My mistake was thinking I'm so strong that I could handle seeing her with a new guy but that hurt like heck. Geez... guess I just have to keep moving forward. I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. Thanx altenweg. I know you mean well. This is what I get for revolving my whole world around one girl. I'm sure this is a weak weekend. Ill be okay soon enough. My mistake was thinking I'm so strong that I could handle seeing her with a new guy but that hurt like heck. Geez...guess I just have to keep moving forward. I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

Emo, counseling isn't only for people with mental issues, it can also help you get over something like this. You're not crazy, you just need help dealing with this and obviously our help isn't working. I truly wish it was.

As for you "weak weekend", sweetie, you have more weak days then strong, or so it seems.

You said your mistake was thinking you could handle seeing her with a new guy. No, that wasn't your mistake. Your mistake was searching for pictures of her with the new guy, for looking on her Facebook, for breaking no contact. No contact means NO CONTACT! No pictures, no phone calls, delete the Facebook account, don't ask questions about her, don't look for her, just forget about her completely!

Seriously consider therapy, I really think it would benefit you a lot, because right now I'm willing to bet that you'll soon be posting another "I miss her, she moved on so fast, why did it end the way it did, my friend told me she's doing this, etc. etc. etc." post. That's your M.O. and it hasn't changed since you started posting about this.

You keep going around in circles. Aren't you getting dizzy? I know I am.

Why is this happening after 6 months. Is it just part of getting bad information or part of getting over it? Maybe I should get some rest and then workout and then do something. I feel so unmotivated this weekend. I hope this will pass. This sucks! I want to scream and cry but im trying not to.

You didn't 'get' bad information, you asked for the information. You went looking for the information. Don't ask questions that you really shouldn't hear the answer to. You opened up the wound again and reset the NC clock.

Go work out, go have fun, go do your studies, go to work, etc. but most of all LIVE YOUR LIFE! Stop trying to relive your past in any shape or form or for any reason especially just to see if it still hurts. If you keep stabbing yourself with a fork, it is going to keep hurting.

You didn't 'get' bad information, you asked for the information. You went looking for the information. Don't ask questions that you really shouldn't hear the answer to. You opened up the wound again and reset the NC clock.

Go work out, go have fun, go do your studies, go to work, etc., but most of all LIVE YOUR LIFE! Stop trying to relive your past in any shape or form or for any reason especially just to see if it still hurts. If you keep stabbing yourself with a fork, it is going to keep hurting.

About that fork. Why do I feel we're getting stabbed with it?

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. Thanx altenweg. I know you mean well. This is what I get for revolving my whole world around one girl. I'm sure this is a weak weekend. Ill be okay soon enough. My mistake was thinking I'm so strong that I could handle seeing her with a new guy but that hurt like heck. Geez...guess I just have to keep moving forward. I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

There is no shame in going to counseling... I went a few times before, and I didn't feel/still don't feel crazy. Many people go for many different reasons, to be guided in the right direction.

I have read all of your posts, and to be quite honest, I feel as if you are putting way too much energy in someone who doesn't want to be with you.

This too shall pass. There are plenty of girls that will respect and cherrish you for you! You will never know that unless you let this one go...

I do think however, that you should really focus on YOU! Put all of this negative energy into a positive and utilize it for something good for yourself.

With all do respect, don't spy on her any more! She has moved on. So should you. Sitting here dwelling on it, when it's a beautiful day today, well at least it is here where I'm at, will only drive you crazy.

Go have fun, hang out with friends, get your life back on track!

You will be fine! Good luck!:)

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. ...I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

On counseling, you are a member of a church, aren't you? Talk to the clergy. They can give you counsel as in advice much like you are getting here. However, they can give you real-time feedback and there is a lot to be said for face-to-face contact when getting advice. It is very difficult to ignore what you don't want to hear or see when someone is holding the mirror and recorder up to you.

You need to make some more male friends and have a 'boys' night out'. Hanging out with girls is all well and good, but you are limiting yourself and your pool of friends. It is giving you false expectations of who you should be and what you should be doing with your personal life.

Originally Posted by emopunk7
I don't want to go to counseling. I will feel crazy.. . I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

Having older males is good for you, better than counseling, and male friends your own age is essential, to keep you grounded, as just hanging out with girls seems to get you to attached to early and then you get carried away, and think your in love, and that they love you. That's a problem dude and even you can see the way you wrap everything that you are into whatever female that gives you attention.

Talaniman Rule- Have a lot of fun, getting to know new people, whether it be friends, or romance

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

Talaniman Rule - Never tolerate bad behavior. *

Talaniman Rule- Let them pay for the consequences of their bad behavior, not you. *

*NOTE_ Applies to any bad behavior.
Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Enjoy getting to know someone, and keep it real.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

I feel alone mostly and I want a girlfriend already.

Emo , your need for a GF is very unhealthy and reeks of insecurity and low self esteem , that's why you were willing to put up with all the BS your Ex put you through because you were scared to be single.

You need to learn to be single and learn to like it , then you'll be ready to seek out a relationship and you'll be far more prepared to find someone compatible.

You've already got some real good advice on this thread so it's time to listen to it and act on it , because frankly , your not good BF material at the moment.

Geez thanks. Its sad to say but you guys are right. I have low self esteem right now.

geez thanx. Its sad to say but you guys are right. I have low self esteem right now.

Low self esteem happens, but constantly looking back shouldn't happen.

Forward Emo, see the path in front of you and stop looking at the rocks you've already tripped over, they're in the past, nothing you can do about them.

See that road ahead of you? It's an open road waiting to be traveled. Really, do yourself a favor and explore that road. The roads of the past have been traveled to death, just leave them be, they don't lead anywhere, you know that, you've already been on them. Stop backtracking on dead end paths, find a new one!

Really, this is an order and I will get it through you thick skull or die trying. Don't make me die trying, okay? ;)

Thank you! I'm not coming back until I have something good to say. Altenweg, your post helped a lot. I won't ever look at another picture or anything. Well wish me luck... I will move forward.

Okay after reading your post altenweg and friend4u and tman and J9 I worked out a bit and went to play pool with a friend and then ate. I feel better. Thank you for the encouragement.

We create our own happiness,and we can actually choose to stop feeling miserable and carry on with our lives.

Ok,s**t happens,but then we pick ourselves up and get on with it because that's life and another lesson learned.

Emo I have been following your story, life is what you make it. Make new friends, try new things, get an education and a kick job. Women will fall into place in the meantime. Live your life dude

I'm okay and feel okay. I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me. How do I tell myself that she isn't so pretty as I think? Lastly, how do I convince myself that I will find love like that again? Thank you in advance!

All relationships are learning experiences-we find out-if nothing else-what we don't want and need in our lives.

Beauty,or the pretty face,is only skindeep-if the person doesn't have the character to match the face,body,etc-something is seriously missing.

You and your ex were not right for each other.
So she is your ex-she is history.
.

I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me.


What you need to realize is that she dumped you. When ever I think about how fine my ex was and what a good person she was and all that, I think to myself "SHE DUMPED ME!"

That's what makes you convince yourself she was bad for you. She didn't want you and that outweighs all the good things about her

I'm okay and feel okay. I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me. How do I tell myself that she isn't so pretty as I think? Lastly, how do I convince myself that I will find love like that again? Thank you in advance!
NC NC NC NC NC NCNCNC

That's the answer to every question you have. She'll always be in the forefront of your mind if you keep bringing her up, even here on AMHD. I think you've moved past the devastation stage of the break up where talking about it truly helps. At this point it's in your best interest to just let it go.

Besides, summer's around the corner, don't start it off feeling this way.

For one, just remember all the stuff you went through. How can you forget?

Pretty on the outside, not so on the inside, at least for you!

By healing properly and being ready to get back in the world. Once the feelings fade, you will see things differently. We always do Emo!

You haven't been through the whole healing process is all, but that's because your trying to rush things, SO RELAX!

I'm okay and feel okay. I just need to know how can I convince myself she was bad for me. How do I tell myself that she isn't so pretty as I think? Lastly, how do I convince myself that I will find love like that again? Thank you in advance!

This is going to be harsh because I don't intend to write the same things over and over, again:

How do you convince yourself she was bad for you? You don't. Because convincing yourself she was bad for you means you are thinking about her. You stop thinking about her and rehashing everything. Let it and her go. You have better things to do and think about than a woman who wasn't a good match for you.

How do you tell yourself that she isn't as pretty as you think? What do her looks have to do with anything? She's pretty. So what? So are millions of other women in the world if you open your eyes and look, you might see them. If you open your mind and stop focusing on physical attributes, you might see the other millions who shine with a beauty that only comes from deep inside.

How do you convince yourself that you will find love like that again? I am sorry but I hope you don't. Look at what that relationship was really like. From everything you have written it wasn't love, it was infatuation and lust. It was abusing yourself by using another person as the tool to inflict emotional and physical pain. That relationship was the mental equivalent of cutting and self-flagellation. Sure there were good times. There is still damage being done even when the pain feels good.

I sincerely hope that you let go of any idea that your previous relationship should be a good model for future relationships. I sincerely hope that you let go of her, the relationship, and the cargo ship full of baggage from it and find someone who shows you what love and a healthy relationship should be like.

Emo, for right now, work on feeling better about yourself. Get out and make new friends. Don't worry about getting into a new romantic relationship. Just take some time to learn to be comfortable being single.

Emo
Just because you and your Ex didn't work out doesn't make her a bad person , she realised that it wasn't working , she wasn't able to meet your expectations and you weren't able to meet hers , that simple.

At least she was smart about it and got out and got on with her life , time for you to wise up and do the same , DROP IT and move on.

I never said she was a bad person... I just said I need to find out how to remind myself that she was bad for me because I only think of the good. I was able to meet her expectations and I did. She wanted to go out behind my back even though I asked her to just be honest next time so that we can build trust. Instead o fbreaking up and playing games, I was upset but I spoke to her to please not do that and to be honest and we will build from that and still she continued. This isn't a case of just falling out of love like you make it seem. She was going behind my back and would curse me out. If you still want to think that it's my fault, I don't see how because I was at work and I wasn't the one going out behind her back especially when she didn't even want me to go to six flags with my family and have fun without her and yet she can party with her friends at night behind my back? Breaking trust, lying about sleeping, going against her word, cursing me out just because she was caught and all I did was work and miss her and make sure I did good by our relationship and try to keep her happy? Stop trying to make me the bad guy. For far too long I believed it's because I was jealous alor something I did without knowing but it doesn't make sense. I was trying and I tried hard while she was being selfish. I'm tired of feeling it's my fault because I don't think so. Maybe I just don't understand your advice Friend4U...

Cat, those were great points and I will read that again tonight so it can sink in. I think I'm starting to realize she wasn't good for me. I don't know if that's a stage but I think I'm there. I took a step back about a week ago for asking and finding out she had a boyfriend just after 3 months and seeing pictures but I feel I am back to normal where I left off. It's like it got easier to get back. I won't do that again and ill stick to NC which means no information as well. I do feel that it was love. Sure I was attracted to her but I did cry when she did and I know we were connected because she cried when I did.

We had fun outside of sex and well yeah we did love and sure lust in included. I've had great advice so far so I will read them again tonight so that they sink in because tonight is a work night and it will be rough. You guys are all awesome. Thank you! I hope I'm very close to being over this. It's strange because last time it felt easier but I suffered more. That's because I stood in contact and then ended back with her. This time it seems harder but I am suffering less. I have only you guys to thank, really.

Emo

I never blamed you or said it was your fault , in fact a lot of us have spent many posts telling you to stop blaming yourself , all I said was she saw it wasn't working so she got out.

The advice is very simple , she's gotten over it and moved on , time for you to do the same buddy.

I know... im just trying to get over a few things. It's been 6 months. I hate that I'm not over her and she is over me. I know it's my mind scrambbling things upstairs and I think it will tire soon.

Emo,
She lusted you for a time. That time is over and gone forever. She did not love you.
Time to face it.
If it's love you wanted, she didn't, so let it go now.
If it's lust only you wanted, keep torturing yourself that now you'll never have the chance to have sex with her again.
It's your choice really.
You choose.

Emo, I was like you last couple of weeks, months... I couldn't get my ex out of my head. These guys in this forum tried their best to help me out, but I must admit that I didn't really believe them when they told me time will heal my wound and so on. Just the matter of time. But I have no patient. I was like "she's the love of my life" sort of thing. I kept asking myself "Why, Why, Why!!! Why me??? What if this and that? Maybe we will still be together???"... It was never ending and no matter how much I seek their advice, my head ain't going to accept it. And one fine day I decided to run away of the country. No doubt I did think of her at that time, but it wasn't that bad because I was so far far away from her. I get to see new things, meet new people and visit different countries with different cultures. I must admit that it does help. Maybe you can try this option...

As soon as I came back, her images started to conquer my head over and over again but it wasn't that bad again as compared to the pain I went through last couple of weeks or months. Two days later, I finally realized that this wound won't heal if I don't let go. I was going through a lot of websites for healing and I saw this picture... It was like a sign and it said "Child, but you have not let go". From that moment, I released my hands and I just let go. I let God clean up the mess. How can you heal when you keep holding on to these memories, what if and this and that? Imagine your car is in a bad shape and it needs to be fixed. How can the mechanic fix it when you're still holding or using the car? Same concept when it comes to your broken heart. Your heart needs a fix, overhaul or whatever it is. Let go so that you can heal. You will be surprised with the outcome when you have completely let go. No doubt you will still think of her off and on, you will need to change your focus until you don't feel the pain when her images pay you a little visit. Trust these guys here. They have been there. Done that. And they know exactly what you're going through. NC, Letting go and etc are the only way to heal your broken heart. Time is all you need. Be patient and obedient...

Hope it helps :)

Emo, here we are again.

Thought you were on your way.

Still letting your ex run sh$$t.

Thank you all! I'm doing a lot better!

It is crazy. Last Thursday, my ex's sister dumped my brother as well. They went out for 4 years. She said he didn't do anything wrong but she just needs be free because she keeps getting a strange feeling of emptiness and wants to figure what it means. My brother and I don't get what that means. What is going on with these girls? We were both good guys and my brother and his ex were even better together than my ex and I. It doesn't make any sense anymore. Bad guy or good guy, you just can't keep a girl happy it seems.

People's feelings change Emo,that's the long and short of it.

Now you can really help your brother by being a great supportive brother and friend.

Update: It is a full year since my break up. I am doing very well in school and I stay active playing sports quite often. I feel sooo happy for a long time and I never feel pain when I think of my ex. I realised I will always have a love for her no matter what and that is okay. I joined a chess club for 2 months now. I did leave my band as it just wasn't making me happy at all. It felt more like a burden. I have also met a new girl recently and she is really cool and different from anyone else I've ever met. Sometimes I still feel like being single which is good that I am not desperate to be in a relationship. I feel happy alone but sometimes it does feel good to know this girl is around so we can do things together. I see her again on Wednesday and I am taking it slow with her. She seems to really like me too. I have controlled my temper a lot more and when I see I am going to get annoyed. I feel really happy and you all helped me a lot and I am so thankful to you all! Thank you! I have never been happier, I think. It feels good to be alive again!

Emo, I am very happy for you. Thank you for the update.

Right on, emo. Keep it up.