The short version of it: One of my best guy friends has told me he was in love with me pretty much since the day I met him. I was always in a relationship so I never returned the affection. Instead I set him up with another friend of mine who was crazy about him. Then when my boyfriend and I broke up, I turned to my best guy friend for support and we ended up pursuing a friends with benefits relationship while he had a girlfriend. By the end of high school she hated me, but continued to date my guy friend. I don't know what she knows about the relationship between me and her boyfriend. Now its several years later and I still feel guilty and I want to apologize but I don't know if I should. I don't what to bring up things she doesn't know about and hurt her, I just want to make things better. HOW DO I DO THAT? Should I say sorry or is it just too little too late?

Details:
In my last year of high school a really good friend of mine (we'll call him James) and I started hooking up. The only problem was he had an off and on girl friend (Sally) during that time, who happen to also be a friend of mine.

I met the guy my first day of high school and we became amazing friends ever since. He'd told me multiple times over the years that he was in love with me, but I never returned the affection because I had the same boyfriend for most of high school.
I met the girl in my third year of high school and we also became instant friends. I heard she liked James and I decided to set them up.

Then when my long term boyfriend and I split up I was a devastated mess and James was my shoulder to cry on. One night hanging out he again told me he loved me and finally made a move on me. After that our relationship proceeded on a friends with benefits basis until the end of high school. His relationship with Sally continued as well.

I told James I wasn't ready to commit to him, and that I didn't want Sally to know about us. Regardless Sally knew something was up because our friendship diminished and by the end of the year it was pretty clear she hated me. She never confronted me or James so I don't know what she knows about our relationship

Now, several years into my university career I find myself thinking about this often. I don't talk to James anymore but I realize now that my feelings for him were stronger then I let myself believe. I also feel terrible about what I did to Sally. I want to know if I should apologize to her? If someone where in this situation would they want an apology? Or would they prefer it to never hear from me again. I know she doesn't want to hear from me but I feel like I owe this to her. I also don't know how I'm suppose to get past this if I don't make it right?

You out of guilt, want to reopen a can of worms that has long been closed. Naw, I don't think so. Dragging others into whatever your miserable about is not a good idea, its rather a lousy one. Don't even consider it.

Now what has you thinking about this dude again, and why are you realizing it now? That's my question.

I bet your going through something now, and have no shoulder to cry on.

You are kidding!Why are you thinking about this now! Obviously you didn't think about her when you were in High School!

If you dwell on this and obsess over it write her a letter! I doubt if you will get a reply! You made a fool of her in High School and she's probably not going to want to hear from you.


Then again it may give her an outlet for getting some things said she's needed to say for years. You say she didn't know about your friends with benefit relationship? I'd be willing to bet the farm she knew. Don't expect a flowery, sweet reply. Can you blame Her?

Leave this in the past,and live with the guilt.

Lesson learned I hope.

Don't live with the guilt. Just let it go and forget about it and just don't hurt anybody like that again. Leave this behind you. We all have done stupid things... We can't possibly apologize for them all. Perhaps she moved on from all of that drama and found better. Maybe good guys do get the last laugh. Go find laughter. You need some joy right now. Leave your mellowness to yourself and find another way to discard. Allow yourself and others to be happy and move on.

Just let it go, and don't blame yourself to that extend, but if you really love your friend that much and you want to win her back just say sorry for doing this and open a new page

The short answer, is"forget about it" we all make mistakes, just live and learn

Squib

If you hurt someone and want to apologize you should.

I warn you time may not have healed her feelings.

Just leave the past in the past. It happened long ago, so don't reopen wounds that have healed years ago.