I am 21 weeks pregnant and I don't want my baby.. I don't love it. I feel like my life is being intruded on and I just want it to go away. Everyone I try to talk to tells me that it will get better when I have him. But what if it doesn't , what if I am never able to love him? I have a 4 yr old and I never felt like this with her.. I loved her the moment I found out I was pregnant and she is my life. I feel like this baby is taking me away from her. I also had a miscarriage at 13 weeks , back in Sept. and got pregnant again , on accident, a month later. And I know I never got over losing that baby and I know that is making this 100 times worse. But I am so scared. I try to talk to my husband about it but he just gets mad at me, its not normal so its not acceptable. I cry all day long , I try not to talk about him , because that makes it worse. I am already dreading holding him. I feel like I am stuck with him.. My life will never be the same again.. It will never be just me and my daughter anymore and that breaks my heart.. I feel so lost and everyone is judging me instead of being there for me . They don't understand that I don't want to feel like this, I want to enjoy pregnancy and love my baby , but I can't... Please let me know other people go through this.. :(

This is very common, especially conceiving so quickly after miscarriage. You really need to talk to your doctor about this. It could be a precursor to full blown post partum depression. There are medications you can take while pregnant to combat these feelings.

I tried talking to her last time I was in there. She just told me it was normal and it would get better. She had put me on an antidepressant when I was about 2 mons but it just made me feel like a zombie , I couldn't function. So she took me off it. I am going to talk to her again when I go back in 2 weeks.

You NEED to talk to her again. Let her know how this is ruining your life. Celexa is a great antidepressant that can be used in pregnancy, and it doesn't make you feel like a zombie. Remember though that it takes about 3 weeks for the medications to kick in and the more serious side effects to dissipate.

Thank you . I will def. talk to her again when I go back.. I can't continue to live like this. I hate to think the only way I can love my baby is to be on meds. I really hope this gets better.

I would also ask your doctor about counselling or support groups for people who have miscarried. Here in the Uk we have an organisation for people who have lost babies, is there anything where you are? It may be that deep down you are afraid to love your baby in case you lose this one, or even that you are angry because you lost the baby you planned then got another you didn't plan on. Exploring and resolving your feelings for the baby you lost could make a big difference.

Above all remember it's not your fault that you feel this way.

I am not sure if there is anything around here like that. I haven't heard about it if there is. I know I never got over losing my baby, and a big part of feels guilty for having this baby and loving it. Kind of like I am forgetting about the one I lost. I know I will NEVER forget but something inside keeps telling me its not right to love this baby. Thank you for replying.

Well you have some insight into the problem when you say loving this baby would make you feel guilty because it is like forgetting the one you lost. If you could just talk this through with someone fully I'm sure it would help. Your doctor really should know of someone you can do this with.

In the meantime why not try writing a letter to each of your babies. This might sound silly, but I have heard of people that it has helped.

Write a letter to the baby you lost, saying how much she will be missed, how sorry you are not to have seen her grow up.

Then write another to your new baby, explaining how much you miss his sister, and how you know he would have loved her too.

These are only suggestions, maybe once you start you will find your own words.

Did you have any kind of ceremony for the baby you lost? If not doing so might help. Maybe you can plant a special shrub in your garden and say some words of your own over it. Perhaps you can tell the baby growing inside you how you are feeling when you do so.

If you can try and see both your babies as siblings, not as one being a substitute for the other that might help.

I'm sure it will get better, I sincerely hope it happens for you soon.

Best wishes.

Thank you. Those are great ideas. I will try one and see if it helps. It might be a little bit easier if I had someone to talk to about it but no one in my life seems to care . My husband gets mad when I even bring it up and everyone else just says I will get over it. So thank you once again!

First, I’m sorry your husband isn’t being more supportive. Your feelings are not wrong, nor anything to be ashamed of. They also may not get better unless you get help, which is something you seem willing to do.

These feelings are common after you’ve had a child. You wonder if you can ever love another baby as much as the first and of course, you have concerns that you won’t have enough time for both. Its also common to feel a sense of mourning over your “old life” when it was just the three of you. To make matters worse, you had a miscarriage with very little time to mourn before becoming pregnant “on accident”. With all of that happening, with pregnancy hormones, its no wonder you feel the way you do!

The above suggestions are very good. I’ve lost 3 babies (one was my daughter’s twin) and I found that lots of prayer and journaling helped me a great deal. One thing I did was buy a cross to hang on the wall and create a charm bracelet to honor my angels. It provided me with a feeling of closure—not so you ever forget, you won’t, but so you can move on.

Only once you’re able to move on and accept your loss and your new pregnancy, will you “get over it” like the people around you say.

Good luck to you {{hugs}}

Thank you. Those are great ideas. I will try one and see if it helps. It might be a little bit easier if I had someone to talk to about it but no one in my life seems to care . My husband gets mad when I even bring it up and everyone else just says I will get over it. So thank you once again!

I'm so sorry you have nobody to talk this over with. I know posting on an anonymous forum is hardly the same, but until you get the support you need we are here for you.

Maybe your husband is having trouble with his own feelings and this is his way of trying to deal with it. I doubt it's that people don't really care - more that they simply don't know what to say and think they are reassuring you by saying you will get over it.

I do hope you find someone or something that helps.

Thank you both so much. Sorry I haven't been back, I just got my computer fixed. I tried talking to my husband again and once again it ended in a fight. Now he has gotten to where he doesn't even stay home and when he is home we don't talk. I can't believe he is doing this to me. It is only making me feel worse about myself and my feelings. I don't know what is going on with him.I want help.. I know I need help. My daughter and I are going to do something to remember the baby we lost. I tried to talk to my "best friend" the other day and she told me I should have never gotten pregnant and I should give my baby away and go see a shrink! Some kind of friend huh? That is the kind of support I am getting , so I really am all alone in this. I go back to the dr. next Wed. and will def. be talking to her and continuing to talk until I am heard. Being able to communicate with people on here really does help. I really wish my family and friends could be as supportive and talk to me.

So sorry to hear of your loss and the difficulty you are experiencing now. Wonderful suggestions you have received already.

There are a number of support groups for those who have experienced the loss of a baby. You may find it helpful to talk with others in person who can relate to what you are feeling. Check your local hosptial(s) and/or health department. RTS (resolve through sharing) is a national organization that you may find in your area. There are others as well and your hospital should be able to put you in touch with one.

We are more familiar with some women experiencing depression after childbirth, but it does also happen in pregnancy for some women. It is good that you are going to continue to seek help from your doctor.

People deal with grief and fear differently. Your husband just deals with things differently than you do. If you are able to find a support group, they will also help with dealing with the different styles you and your husband have.
Wishing you well.

I go back to the dr. next Wed. and will def. be talking to her and continuing to talk until I am heard. Being able to communicate with people on here really does help. I really wish my family and friends could be as supportive and talk to me.
I really wish they were more supportive too. {{hugs}} I'm happy to hear this--you're very wise to do so and it will take you down the right path.

Good luck--I'll be praying for you.