Hello,

I've realized that I downgrade myself a lot and tell myself that I'm not a good person and that I have bad motives for things that I do. For example, when I ask a person for a drive home, I get the feeling that I am using them only for their car and feel guilty and anxious. But in reality, I would do the same for that person if I had a car. This issue applies to many other things that I can't think of right now. I know I am a nice person, but these thoughts make me question myself and feel a bit depressed. I have experienced some hardships in the past which have given me a negative perception of life. However, I have been fortunate to have a good family and friends to help me the light again. I am happy with myself, but I still have an issue in that I always think I'm doing things for selfish reasons. It comes as a quick thought in my head while I am interacting with people. I think maybe it's possible that I am overexagerating on these thoughts, but it happens very frequently. Has anyone ever experienced this? I would really like to hear about it.

I don't think that asking someone for a ride has any bad motives behind it. Sometimes people just need help or a hand with things. As you said, you would do that for someone else. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Everyone needs help from someone at some point. The only time you may be using someone or taking advantage of them is when you have all the capability of doing something for yourself but expect and rely on someone else to continue to do it for you.

Well, how often do you actually do things for other people? Maybe if you got out there and volunteered for some stuff, it would make you feel better about when you need to ask others for help. You can find places to volunteer. You can donate food. Or blood or platelets (I like best myself. Its so easy but its so important). I don't think there can possibly be a bad motive for helping others. It doesn't sound like you do actually have bad motives for asking others for help, but maybe it would help you feel better if you could find something that you can't really have bad motivation for. Am I making any sense? I don't think you could have a bad motive for donating blood or volunteering at a soup kitchen. You're just helping others in your community.

I appreciate your responses. I think donating blood would be a good idea and volunteering would be a good idea. I'll give you another example. Let's say it's my supervisor's birthday and I want to give her a birthday present. I would initially want to give it to her because it's her birthday, but then I start telling myself I'm doing it for bad reasons, such as getting her to like me more and making it more likely she will do me favours in the future. I know these things are likely, but I would rather not think of them because it makes me feel like a sneaky person. I'm pretty sure it stems from some insecurity of something, but I haven't put my finger on it yet. I know I am scared of getting taken advantage of or tricked, and I am mistrustful of a lot of people. As I type these things, I feel like a lot of people probably feel this way, but I really want to uncover why, because I know there has to be people who don't question themselves and make themselves look bad.

Self image and shame.

Somewhere in this mix you have an issue.

Your image is that you aren't worthy of others.
And the shame is something I can also relate to.(both are issues of mine,also)

In order to find the reasons behind your actions,you have to figure out where they came from, self search.

Also,just as you are doing in here,writing down and getting feedback, therapy.

How does one go about improving themselves image?What would you like to be?Setting a goal and striving for it isn't out of the question.

Setting boundaries which make it so you won't be taken advantage of, that's a good goal.I am big on that..

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self (http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm)

You can also look into this site as well.

Toxic Shame by Leo Booth/John Bradshaw (http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu88Xb25J1s4ArOxXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEyN2FiNWh iBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDNARjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA00wMDFfNzY-/SIG=12juptdu0/EXP=1232060567/**http%3a//www.goddirect.org/mindemtn/writings/january/toxshame.htm)

Hope they help you, I know they do me!