Hey, I have been reading some of the other threads about break-ups because I was recently dumped, and the one thing commonly said in all of them is that No Contact is an aboslute necessity, and right now I can't pull that off and was wondering if anyone had any advice about my particular situation...

Starts typically enough, met in high school, fell in love, and moved in together. I just turned 22 and the girl turns 19 this year. Unfortunately, while we lived together, we also worked at the same place, and saw each other there on a daily basis as well.

So one day she comes home from her shift and says she wants to break up, needs to get her life together, she doesn't want to feel like she has to check in, etc etc. Obviously I was devastated, and went through the usual routine of pining for her back, anger, sadness, as I said the usual. But it has been about 2 months now and things are starting to get better. I still think of her all the time but the days of crying about it and not eating/sleeping are long gone. However, one thing completely prevents me from moving on... the fact that I work 5 days a week, and see her every single one of those 5 days because she works the shift before me. It really makes no contact hard because while I would rather not talk to her, we were best friends for what 3 years? So I don't want to be a complete and ignore her either. I have applied to numerous other places to get another job, but fact is we live in a small town, and once you have employment your kind of lucky so its best to stick with it. I even applied to the Army (which is what I want to do with my life anyway, I just didn't plan on it until next year) but who knows how that will work out or how long it will take. Any advice on dealing with this? I'm usually pretty good now out with friends or on my own, but every time I see her at work I can't help those old feelings creeping back in... until I find another job or get in the army, what can I do to help the way I feel?

Nothing anyone?

You are in a difficult situation. Just keep looking for a new job. In about 3 more months you will be more than fine so just give yourself time. Okay?

Is it absolutely necessary to bump into her every time you get to work?
Could you change shifts?

Concentrate on your future career plans.

I hope the army works out for you,that sounds like a great move.

@ amicon: yes unfortunately it is necessary, it's a crappy little convienence store and only one person works per shift, unfortunately she is the shift right before me, believe me I wish it weren't necessary but thanks to all who answered I guess I'm doing the right thing keep looking for a new job and hopefully put this behind me for good.

Then you're just going to have to grin and bear it till you go away to the army-try really concentrating on something totally different when you walk through that door.

Take care and good luck.

Then youre just going to have to grin and bear it till you go away to the army-try really concentrating on something totally different when you walk through that door.

Take care and good luck.

Thank you very much... kinda figured that's what I had to do :( however it will be a challenge every night to not say something stupid.

Just 'hi' and keep walking will do it.

No need for any conversation.

Hey man I feel for you, I also was living with my ex, so I know its hard cause the 2 of you had made a memory on that house you guys were living in. the best way is to ignore ignore and ignore, You can't be friends cause you still have your emotion inside you. She lost all that once she broke it off, lost the privileged of doing anything with you. When your around her don't show any emotion, fake it like your life counts on it. Act like your happy even though your not it will get to her. Its time to make yourself happy, I know right now it may seem like she's your only happiness but take it as a good experience, at less she broke it off before you guys got married.


So one day she comes home from her shift and says she wants to break up, needs to get her life together dude she made it easy for you to move on. She is pretty much saying that she doesn't see her future with you and she doesn't want to do anything with you anymore. She probably felt like this for awhile, thus feeling does not come overnight, she was feeling that for at less a few months or longer. Move on and find yourself a girl that can share her future with you.


I still think of her all the time but the days of crying about it and not eating/sleeping are long gone. Once you start thinking about her, shift your mind on your future, just remember each day passes by brings you closer to the girl you are meant to be happy with.


However, one thing completely prevents me from moving on... the fact that I work 5 days a week, and see her every single one of those 5 days because she works the shift before me. that's an excuse you can't completely move on cause you have that process on your mind already. I know cause I thought about the same thing and I was in denial about it. Every time you see her and once your feeling start coming back, be bad toward her.find many fault about her and that will hopefully help you heal.
Keep yourself busy and you need to do NO CONTACT like what everyone has been telling me here, the longer you don't do NO CONTACT the longer you are going to keep dealing with the pain you are feeling. Doing no contact is hard but it will make your healing process easier. Good luck bro and hope you can find your happiness.

It is not easy and will be painful. You need to be very determined and stick with your gun.

Remember this. If you lost your mind for a second, if you are getting weaker, trying to be nice to her, she will despise you more, because even though she dumped you, and you will seem like crawling back without self-esteem. She will loose more interest & respect. Sadly, dumpers do not come back for mercy. Nobody think a man with low self esteem is attractive.

Keep your face firm, make your conversation minimum, and act like you totally forgot about her, and cool about breakup even though you are struggling inside.

Treat her like a stranger, and ignore. It is only option you have until you find a new job. Good Luck.

Quite the dilemma, but understand this isn't about all the old feelings that will be stirred up, but in the way you cope with them.

Outwardly toward her you are friendly, polite, and about the business of doing your job. Since you are her relief, you know she is leaving when you get there, so its only for a short time you do cope.

Its sort of like in grade school, you get dumped, your sad, but you eventually turn your attentions elsewhere.

The only difference is, adults do the same thing, but in a more mature way, and your distractions are more sophisticated.

Until something changes at work, you just grin and bear it, until after a while you get use to the way it is, and the sting is gone. Hang in there, as time is on your side, and you just have to be cool about how you carry yourself.

No one but you will know that your coping with those feelings, and there is no need to tell her, but she probably is going through the same thing when you come to work. Old feelings and memories, but she doesn't show it, so neither should you.

Thanks everyone it really helped and today I got a job in a town 20 minutes away so I only have to grin and bear it till may 1st, I feel better already!

That sounds great-good luck with your new job and stay strong.

Glad to hear the news about the job change. It really is a good move.

I know from personal experience that its possible to get through the noise of a big breakup when NC isn't a choice... when circumstances require some contact... but even then, very limited contact is best, and its exponentially harder to get through.

Anyway... getting yourself away from her isn't going to solve all the questions and issues... just don't feel like, on the tough days, that NC isn't working... its still going to be a pain in the arse sometimes... its just not anywhere near as tough as if you were still elbow to elbow in the same store.

Threads merged

Hey all,
So I posted a thread a few days back about how I just got dumped after a 3 year relationship and that no contact wasn't an option due to me and the ex working at the same store. Well I have a new job that starts in a month but I don't think I will be able to make it that long. Every night I see her at work, my feelings just get stronger and stronger, like I really love and miss this girl. I told her how I felt tonight in what I would call one last bold effort, and it didn't go all that well. She told me she will always love me cause I was her first, but that she didn't want any guy not just me. She didn't rule out completely that down the line a bit that her feelings might change, but right now she's happy basically hanging out with friends and doing the stuff she didn't do when we were together. During the last few months of our relationship I became this over protective jerk (our whole relationship wasn't like that) but basically that's what caused the break up. I told her that in the 2 months since we have been broken up I have grown and realized that's not how you treat the one you love, but it was too late. She said she sees us being good friends, and was even open to having a drink with me, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Basically I need your guys help/ advice... I'm still going to see this girl no matter what for at least the next month, and I know my feelings will probably not go away as much as I want them to. How can I help myself here? It seems like everyday for me is a buildup to those 10 minutes I'll see her at work, and truthfuly that's when I'm at my happiest which is wrong. I can't seem to get over this girl, I feel like I lost one of the best people and I can't erase the fact I feel like we are meant to be together... an interesting thought is also when we first started dating I went and saw a psychic/spirit guide (the girl wasn't with me for this). I don't usually put stock in things like that but this person knew aspects of my life that were impossible for her to know, and one of the things she said was "you just started a new relationship with a girl with the initial "d", and you will marry this woman. That thought runs through my head constantly... what can I do to ease the pain guys? I've been in longterm relationships before that have ended ad never felt like this for this long after the break up...


One other thing is that while she says she doesn't want to get back together, she doesn't know how she will feel a few weeks/months down the line. That keeps a sliver o hope in my mind, what can I do for the closure I need

You keep busy.

You only talk to her when its absolutely necessary.

You realise that the facts are: she broke up with you,and its over and she is moving on. As you should.

(You don't need to start a new thread-just add to your original one.)

Hey, sorry first forum I've ever joined, I'll learn the rules quickly. It's hard though amicon, like I have been really good at not phoning or texting her, but she texts me. She texted me yesterday letting me know there was something for me from the boss, and she knew I already knew that. Tonight before work she called me asking if I would work half her shift tomorrow night so she could go out? Am I being to sensitive or is that not extremely innapropriate? It's like she makes me think about her when she texts me, and on my word I have YET to initiate a phone or text conversation with her. Is this just her trying to be friends or taking me for granted?

Wait it out. Things will get easier. If you linger on the feelings you will find yourself loathing this girl and I am sorry but I am sure that is not something you'd like to feel for her. Sounds like your soul really attached to her and it is sad when a part of your soul has gone missing. It hurts physically and mentally. I know, I've been there.
I do not want to give you false hope either my friend, but I will say that if she is not ruling it out, there may be a chance when you do not work together and she has some personal space that her feelings will change again.
If she says she still loves you but can't be with anyone right now then possibly she does not want another really good relationship to hurt so bad again. Just try and give her a little time and if she doesn't come around then you need to try and find another outlet.
Honestly if you think about it instead of feel about it you'll understand that a month is really not all that long. It'll pass by, just hold on bud. And don't bug her, don't beg her, don't do anything to her to push her further away. She will see any effort to get her back at this point as another complication and she will retract further from you until she finds herself hating you. For your own good and if there is any hope for this relationship I suggest leaving her alone no matter how hard it is or how much your soul is telling you to reach out for her.
Your soul doesn't have a brain and doesn't use logic, which is what you need to be using right now.


You can't keep doing her favors. It isn't going to help you out here. It'll make you think of her all the time. And you have to heal for now. And in my opinion it is very innapropriate to ask you to do something knowing you will do it just so she can go out and have fun. I would never go for that unless I really needed the money.

Dude I told you to not hang on the feelings you have about her.

She told me she will always love me cause I was her first, but that she didn't want any guy not just me.
She is only saying that so she won't feel bad about it. If she really did love you, why won't she be with you. That's not love, her words says it is but her action says f*% off. Get the hint she doesn't want to be with you anymore, I'm sorry I'm sounding like a hard but everyone gave you a good advice but for some reason your not taking it. I know its hard cause I'm dealing with one right now. But you just got to do it, and start doing no contact, cause if you don't you will only hurt yourself.

"you just started a new relationship with a girl with the initial "d", and you will marry this woman. That thought runs through my head constantly... what can I do to ease the pain guys?
That's an easy question, stop that by running through your head, the faster you do that the faster you can start easing your pain away.

Your holding on something that cannot be fixed, nothing you can do,say will make her love you, or come back to you.
Lets make this easy, you can keep thinking of her, keep having that false hope, and you end up crying hating yourself, blaming yourself thinking about the what if and what do you gain? NOTHING. Do you get her back NO. But do you feel the pain YES, are you healing NO.

Hey buddy the more you think about her the more you end up wanting her. ITs best to move on, stop your pain you don't deserve it!! I know its hard but hey I doing my best to get through it.. Like what KP said "sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do"

Larken that was an awesome post, thank you. So I should not pursue this "drink" she said she would go out with me for? (it was just to see what's going on in our lives right now) I'm not Gina lie I'd like to do it but maybe once I start the new job and no contact will start her texts (or lack thereof) should be an indicator if there's hope for the long run or not more so than a few drinks at a bar... either way your post cheered me up a bit thanks man

No drinks,no contact-unless its to do with work and that can be discussed when you do the switchover.

And tell her to stop texting you.

@showmeurmoves:
Dude no contact is not possible to may 1st, I'm stuck seeing her till than. And she never said down the line things couldn't be fixed, and she hasn't told me to "f" off. SHE tells me she wants to be friends, se texts me asking for favours, and she is the one who says maybe in a few months she will feel differently. And by the way, I don't think she is saying the thing about not wanting any guy, one o her friends told me some guy tried hitting on her huge at the bar a few weeks ago and she wasn't having it, in fact laughed in his face, so I donno...

I know you want to do it. But going out for drinks is a bad idea man. I'm telling you, you find ten minutes hard to bare with her, get a few drinks in you and you'll be crying like a baby. (I've seen it happen) Just politely tell her that if she wants to talk to you or something that it'll have to be over LUNCH. Strictly lunch by the way. Not dinner (thats a date) and not breakfast (you don't need this to be the first thing you do in the morning.) Take your time with it but be very careful not to hurt yourself in the process all right?

You are welcome for the post and good luck man, I mean it.

I think from here on out I will just ignore any text she sends, be polite but frank at work (as in no small talk) and yea you guys are right don't go out as friends. I hope I'm a better actor than Tom cruise though I'm going to need to be to hide what I really want to say

I know its hard to do no contact cause you see her at your work place, but it sounds like what's best for you to do at this moment is to not be friends you have so much feelings for her at this moment and its not good for you cause its only hurting you.

she is the one who says maybe in a few months she will feel differently. so your saying that you will wait for her, it sounds like false hope man. How can you move on if that's what you will keep thinking. What if you do end up dating again, and then couple of months she feels like she needs to be alone, what now you will be back in square one.

guy tried hitting on her huge at the bar a few weeks ago and she wasn't having it, in fact laughed in his face, so I donno... yea her friend said that, hey he can be ugly or not her type, but what if she finds someone better, what then, your there holding on the hope that maybe she will change her mind and be with you, and there she is living her life. Doesn't sound fair to me. Go be happy man not with her but find a way to make yourself happy. I know how your feeling it sux but you got to do it.

Yea, so showmeurmoves u said that you are dealing with something similar, how do you go about changing your train of thought when your ex pops into your head (if they still do) I know I'll be able to pull off not texting her and such but the thoughts I get, man they never end and it's been 2 months!

I hope I'm a better actor than Tom cruise tho I'm gonna need to be to hide what I really want to say

Lol he isn't that good of an actor. Should have said Jonny Dep (spelling) :D

Man she will always pops in and out of your head. What I do is I find many ways to hate her and why going back out with her is not a good idea. I start thinking about how my life is better without her, and that I am to good for her. Yours been 2 months mine is just new but I'm guessing the reason why you still think about her a lot is because your hanging on a lot of the memories and what that lady had said. Block it, when the thought comes, do something else to keep your mind of it. When the feeling comes back of you missing her start listening to music, it always helps me.

I've tried to go out to clubs, bars but for some reason all the girls I see all I keep doing is comparing them to her. So I stop and all I do is focus on my business and keep myself busy.
Now I hardly think of her. Try talking to yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that your happiness does not consist of her, and she is worthless and she doesn't deserve anymore tear drops. Re direct your mind instead of you loving her start hating her.
Like some of the advice I get from my thread, they all say expect it to come, welcome it but don't dwell on it. And that's what I'm doing, when it comes I let it come but I don't sit and dwell on the memory cause it just brings back the pain and I don't like it. Keep yourself busy and before you know you will start thinking of her less and less every time. Remember every day comes brings you closer to the right girl that would appreciate you and love you. That's what I keep telling myself and it makes me feel better.

Yea showmeurmoves I do the same thing at bars, no girl quite measures up you know what I mean? But good friends help (they hated her so they always make me laugh when I'm down) one of my biggest fears is that when I start my new job I won't talk to her again, and I'm going to catch crap for this because I know you guys stress no contact but it will feel like I lost a best friend. We were friends before we were dating (I met her through a different girl I was seeing 3 years ago) and it's like I'm going to lose not just a good girl, but a good friend too. I guess that's her call though

Im not saying don't ever be friends with her. Not right now man, you still love her so much that being friends with her only hurts you. Do this for you not for her. It will get easier as day pass by but you need to do it. Yea my friends hated her to, but doesn't seem to matter what they say about her, doesn't change the feeling I have for her. I kind of know what you mean, my ex was living with me so it was hard to do things on my own without her. Sleeping in the same bed where she used to lay in used to hurt me. I got so used of having her around, She was the first person I see in the morning and the last at night so it was really hard for me to move on and accepting the fact that it was really over. I did what you did I begged and begged but same thing didn't change her feelings. Many people here say do no contact It was hard but then when I start it my healing process really began. I was in so much pain that txting her only breaks my heart cause I want more then I she can give. Now look she is coming back wanting to work us out. I just keep ignoring her, as much as I want to take her back I know logically I can't cause I know I won't be able to take the next pain if she ever do break it off again. Just let her know that YOu 2 can't be friends yet. And once you are fully healed then you can be friends again, but your feelings and mindset would be different. Heal first, deal with this first, focus on yourself first before you can be friends.

Good advice man, our stories our kind of similar in a way. We lived together for 3 straight years, had 4 pets together the whole bit. Now I wake up and go to sleep in that bed just like you. I really can't wait until I can go no contact it seems like that's the only way to heal... maybe that's why this breakup is harder to deal with than my past ones because in the past it was no contact right away. Oh well. If you need a good ear man I imagine I'll be on this site a lot in the coming months feel free to talk

So a small update, I decided to out in 2 weeks notice today at our place of work. I'll be OK financially until the new job starts and there is no need to drag out this misery seeing her everyday. I feel really good about it and can't wait for no contact to start. I want to leave her with an impression on my last night though, what that says I care, but on a "I'll see you around" kind of note. Any suggestions or should I not say or anything special?

Good decision re job.
Just be yourself,say your goodbye and leave-ad lib it when the time comes.

Ad-lib, as in wing it? I'm thinking of just saying if I don't see you, take care of yourself, give her a hug and start a new chapter in my life. Hopefully the healing begins

Improvise.

What you just wrote sounds pretty good to me.

Start the healing now by doing things for yourself,treat yourself-do something new.

One day at the time.

Thanks amicon... I'm going to update once the NC starts, it will probably be hard at first I imagine.

You're welcome.
NC is tough,but you're already getting used to not texting,emailing etc so that'll probably work in your favour.

Come back whenever you need to.
Best of luck to you.

Hey, so there has been some minor developments, and they have set me back for one, second I don't really know what to make of them.
I sent her a Facebook message to her inbox, a long one, just basically saying everything I wanted to get off my chest before I left work and possibly never saw her again. I told her I hate what has happened between us, and the couple we became isn't ever what I had in mind for us. Anyway I said if she thought things could ever be different, who knows, look me up one day. To this she replied "i dont know how ill feel in the future, right now i am happier than i have been in a while, but i really want to be friends". I said that hurts but OK, if your ever ready to hang out as friends, let me know (I know this was a mistake, we'll get back to this). She than asked if I would be interested in seeing her new apartment on may 1st when she moves. I told her I looked forward to it. Not 2 seconds after I sent that message, she sends another one asking if I work this weekend and if I'm interested in taking our dog out for a walk with her". Its like that one message made me happier, yet more upset and confused at the same time. Yea I'm happy she wants to hang out, and I can only assume she changed her mind so quickly to wanting to hang out this weekend is a good sign that she misses me or something. But I think if it works out and she does call me to walk the dog it would be a huge mistake. I still have a ton of feelings for her, and I still have to see her until April 6th almost everyday at work, and I think it would just make everything harder for me if I actually went out with her as friends. You know, come to think of it, I'm almost looking forward to No contact because I think it will bring her back to me in some way... which is the wrong reason for initiating it. My heart hurts, my head hurts, I'm confused, and I'm madly in love with someone I can't have. Feel like I'm losing my mind help desk!

See how the confusion escalates and the heartache increases tenfold when you up the contact?

Your best bet is minimum contact till you can go no contact.

Your right amicon, and I knew that before I initiated the Facebook messages... I just didn't want to feel like I didn't try, you know what I mean? Like yea the break up was messy in some parts, but we do not hate each other, and given how hard the circumstances are at work we have managed to be pretty polite/decent to each other. I just wanted her to know where I stood on things between us one last time. Another thing I forgot to mention was when getting back together was brought up, she said "i dont know how ill feel in the future, im just to afraid that if we do it right now it will go back to the way it was"... does that mean she's open to the idea? I hate myself for even starting this messaging because now your right I'm just more confused than I was before. I don't even have her as a friend on there anymore but its nothing to type her name at the top and bring her page up, which I find myself doing in my darkest hours. 1 1/2 weeks till no contact can start, I don't know how I'm going to do this :(

I take it taking our dog out if she does want to would be one of the worst things I could do as well?

Whatever she says about the future is moot,because you have to face your life in the here and now.

Your contacting her is what many have done and many will do,but as you have discovered, that it only adds to the confusion,the agony and the pain.

Let go of the false hope,stick to the original contact i.e. at work and concentrate on getting yourself back on track.

OK amicon I appreciate the advice... the future is moot. I have a question though... we both know I'm done at this store a week Tuesday and both of us but me especially have left the doors open for contact after I quit, whether to see her new place, take the dog out, whatever. Should I make it clear before my last shift that maybe we shouldn't speak or see each other, or should I just wait and see if she even tries to contact me, than ignore it if she does? I don't like the idea of ignoring her though after saying I am open to a friendship...

I would say thank you but no thank you,meaning don't see her or walk the dog.
Don't make it harder than it has to be.

You are broken up,a friendship is not possible at least not until you are over her.

You know, this site always makes me think more clearly... I love you guys haha. Thanks amicon, I feel better and a little bit wiser now. As I said 1 1/2 weeks till no contact so I'm sure ill be back plenty of times!

Good!:-)
This site is awesome,and its great being here.
Come back whenever you need to.

Have a good Saturday,its evening here, so I'm signing off now.
Take care.

Hey original! I did that with my ex man, I did no contact thinking that it would bring her back to me, in reality I was just putting myself in false hope. Everyday I would miss her and keep looking at the phone every second. Then One day she keeps txting and txting saying she want to talk to me. So we did and she said that she wants to work things out and she wants us to be together again. I thought that was good till one day I just realized that even though we do end up being together would it even make any difference, my heart loves the idea of us being back together, but my mind knows that I would only be in pain once again. I mean if she can break it off, she can do it again. So I just started ignoring her, she text got mad, but I didn't give in. Now I feel way better no contacting her then us being in contact. I did save myself a big future heart ache. Every here says once is broken there is no reason of fixing it cause it won't be the same. They are right, I know I am better off without her in my life. You deserve someone special and you need to tell yourself that, to settle for less man.people here knows what they are talking about. I still miss her here and there but not as bad as before. Keep your head up and once your ready go out and talk to people. Lates and hope things goes well for you.

Hey guys, show meurmoves it is awesome to hear from you man! I tried to PM you but it said you have disallowed private messaging, I could use a good ear sometimes so if you don't mind would you fix it so we can help each other out? I'm going to need it...
So officially one week until NC starts, in the meantime I have just trying to be a good friend to her and stuff at work, I showed up early one day to give her a bit of a break and go home early, cracking jokes, just trying to be the nice guy that I am. I know you guys will say these things are big mistakes, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her back. Every time I come here, smell her perfume, see her, I can't help but crack. Who knows, maybe she will miss me once I'm gone? I find it so hard to believe that such a sweet caring girl could just let go of 3 years so easily... but I'm also logical enough to know this is false hope. In the battle of heart vs brain though, the heart is winning right now. I just can't help it, I really hope things start getting easier next week. I'm going to need my own NC calendar :(

They will,and then your heart can go on a brake(no pun intended) and let your brain take over.

When you can allow yourself to accept that it is over,false hope and' the what ifs' will fade.

I cannot wait for the what Ifs and my feelings for her to subside, I'm so glad I put my 2 weeks in when I did because it's like I hot a reset button on my feelings almost every night when I see her. She is so hard to read too, like I'm 99.9% sure we aren't ever going to get back together, but than she asks me of I want to walk the dog (this was this past weekend) but than she never followed through on it. I asked tonight since it's supposed to be a beautiful weekend weather wise, if we could do it than. She said she would be busy because she's moving to a different apartment this weekend. When I completely broke down last week and wrote what I would call an essay lol to her through Facebook, she said and I quote: "I don't know how I'll feel in the future, I'm afraid if we got back together right now it would go back to the way it was. I do want to be friends tho". It's like she has closed the door on me, but left it open just a sliver. Now, I'm no idiot. I know the break up was pretty much my fault, I had developed trust issues for no apparent reason the past 6 months, and I didn't give her the space she needed. Other than my slip up with Facebook last week, and seeing her at work, I have given her all the space in the world. And I'm still really confused on how to handle my last shift... I asked her if it would be OK to say thank you to her parents for all their help/support the past few years, but as far as she goes, I'm at a loss. My friends have suggested writing a letter, getting everything off my chest one last time, but everything I needed to say I said in that FB message, so it would be like beating a dead horse. I'm thinking I'll ask for one last hug, and tell her to take care. I also have been told to play it like I don't care at all lol and just be over happy that it's my last shift there... so I ask you fellow amhd'ers, what would you do? All thoughts/advice appreciated.

Hey original I just fixed my pm hope it works. Just an advice, the more you talk to her the more pain you will feel, Have you realized when you 2 are talking you feel good and happy, but then once you are alone again you feel the pain even worst and you feel so confused.

I know every time I talk to my ex I feel good like everything is going to be the way it was, but that was just all my emotion talking, its like a drug you know its bad for you but you just got to have the last high. Its time to make yourself happy, and you deserve to be happy man. Believe me all the thought that you had I had it to, I was hoping and wishing so hard that if I do no contact she will start missing me and wanting us back, but it wasn't helping me, it only made it worst, everyday I would be thinking the what if's and I didn't really gave my heart the proper way of healing.

You do No Contact not for her but for you to move on. The more you think about the what ifs the more pain you are allowing for yourself in the future.

PM me anytime bro I know how you feel cause I'm going through one right now.

The sooner I had accepted the fact that I don't want the relationship any longer and that there is no chance of us getting back together the faster I started healing. One more thing, When I was talking to my ex she said she wants to take things slow and for us to keep talking, people here said here in the website, Me being there for her, keeping in contact, I'm actually helping her get over me faster. I didn't realized why at first but now I finally know why they said that. Ignore her, the more you wait the more your postponing your healing process.

Hey man good to hear from you! I'm posting from why iPhone at work, but I will pm you with more in depth details when I get home in front of the PC. Any thoughts on how to handle the last shift? (from my last post). And how's your situation going? Did your ex ever break NC?


And by the way, that whole "talking to them being like a high" thing? Totally true. Every time we talk at work, or share a laugh, I feel ecstatic lol. Than she says bye, goes home, I'm here all alone, and back at step one. Every night. That was one hell of an analogy my friend.

Yea bro just keep thinking on how wonderful your life is going to be now. That's how I get through my days, it wasn't easy at first but it does later. Yea man my ex did break the NC, a few min ago she txted me saying, "its funny how you say you love me but do nothing to prove it well have a nice life and iam done waiting goodbye glen now all we have are memories goodbye:)" No lie bro she sent that to me like twice, when I got that text I wanted to text her back so bad but I know it won't do good, I will be back in step 1. I am starting to love my single life again, I'm starting to enjoy every min I have alone, and that took awhile to get used to. I know its killing her at this moment that I'm not giving in her BS. Do the same man, even though you 2 do get back together it won't be the same, I ask many people and they said that when they did got back it wasn't the same and the person that ended it in the beginning they did the second times. It was broken for a reason, so its not worth fixing. If you love someone you will endure all the problems and the pain to get the relationship back to where it was, not break up and see what happens that's not love.

I feel for you man, like what goes through her head to dump you, than come back and say " you said you will always love me" and that bs. Women eh? On my way home from work though. Will post again in a bit

I know dude its stupid. I mean if she wanted to be with me really bad why didn't she stay and fix the issues instead of leaving it. Drive safe bro.

So I have a game plan... time to take all of your advice

Be polite, and unavailable at work. I will feel weird doing it, because we broke up due to my screwing up, but I guess its time to be selfish and not talk to her anymore than I have to. No chit chat, nothing.

On my last shift, say thank you to her parents when they pick her up for all their support over the years... they helped me out with a lot of things so it's the least I can do. And as for "d", say take care, and tell her I need NC right away. That avoids any text messaging, or Facebook problems down the line. Hopefully she respects this after all this talk of being friends and whatever, you guys are right, won't work, can't work

Polite,and busy is good.

As for her parents-will you run into them briefly outside the shop?
Can you handle a conversation with them?

That's up to you of course but I would proceed with caution on that one.

@amicon... I see her parents when they pick her up from work. I'm pretty sure I can handle it... I would feel worse I think if I didn't do it as they did do a lot for both of us.

So a minor update, she asked why I was so quiet at work tonight so I said that I had been thinking, and that after my last shift (7 days to the hour exactly) that we cannot have any contact. I said seeing her every night has me holding onto false hope and I can't look at her as just a friend. This didn't seem to phase her. I asked if she understood and she said yes, and that's pretty much it... shows what I'm worth after 3 years I guess. Oh well, at least she knows why the next week will be awkward. I feel really crappy right now, maybe I should have waited, but I feel like I can get stronger from here on out. I'm slowly accepting that it wasn't meant to be, and I need to move on. Hopefully I can be strong the next week.

Wow guys, I'm at work right now and I'm losing my mind! I have sat in this chair doing nothing but re-reading old threads trying to keep myself strong. I feel like I made a huge mistake not waiting until next Tuesday to say that. I may be over analyzing (guilty of this through out my life) and I feel really down and depressed about my current position in life. I feel like I have nothing going for me at all. I'm 22 years old, I can't drive and don't own a vehicle, I live in a small Canadian hick town lol with nothing to do. I work crappy jobs, don't make a whole lot... like no wonder it's not a big deal to leave me. Mind you, this girl is 19 this year, she has only 8 high school credits (you need 30 to graduate in Canada), she owns a car and drives though, so at least she has that going for her. I have 28 credits and currently am taking correspondance courses to get those 2 credits, and am in the middle of applying to the Canadian forces. Like me and this girl held each other back from so much, and I really regret our lack of progression together. I find myself filled with nothing but regret now:(

What's said and done is said and done-so don't beat yourself up over your telling her your nc plans.

Make a plan for your future,get that driving licence,buy a car,get the credits you need etc.

Yea I am working on getting the credits... the whole car thing is another issue. I got a charge for driving without insurance in high school and hae a hefty fine to pay before I can even think about driving again. I just am so upset that I never took care of all my problems during our relationship, and now I'm left to face it alone. I hate the lack of progression on both our parts, partly why I'm trying to get in the forces. Get out, see the world, and make some real money so I CAN take care of these fines, etc. I donno why tonight sucks so bad...

Another thing that just happened:
Recently after the break up I re established contact with a friend ( a girl) from grade school. She has been a nice support system through out tw break up, but lately she has been putting thoughts in my head of there being someone else that my ex is seeing. Even if there is, nothing I can do about it but still I don't need those thoughts in my head, at all. Also, this girl has her own boyfriend of 2 years, but constantly flirts with me, asks me to comment on her Facebook pics, sends me 50 texts a day, it's starting to get a bit too much. If I ignore her texts, she keeps them coming and eventually lays down a guilt trip. I don't need this right now! I told her to back off tonight, but I feel bad even about that because other than her suggestions of another guy, she has listened to me vent over and over. I made a mess of tonight my friends. Feels good to come here and vent though.. thanks for reading

So long as you have a plan for your future and stick to it,that's all good.

As for the other girl,it seems she has some sort of hidden agenda,so telling her to back off was the right thing to do.

Tell her again if need be.

All right amicon, that makes me feel a bit better. Once I'm done here and I have a few weeks before the new job starts I'm going to work hard on those courses, see my friends, and do everything I can to keep busy. I still have a hard time wrestling with the fact that a girl who seemed to love me so much can throw 3 years away and not be phased... I guess it helps if the dumper has it planned out already. Will update whenever there's new developments


Ps... whatever happened to sneezy? His thread gets me through the day haha

Hang in there,it will get better soon.

Sort of quoting you:we do know what we talk about here.

As for her change of heart,I don't think it happened overnight,and that's what a lot of dumpers do-they start changing and by the time they call it quits,they have more or less moved on.

Of they have more or less moved on though, why is it in 99% of the threads I read the ex breaks NC or worse, wants to get back together?

I see it differently,its more a question of wanting to feel they are still in charge I e a bit of a powertrip,plus in some cases missing the relationship,even though they don't want to be in it.

You can be a dumper and still hurt,trust me on that one.

I do believe that what does end most relationships is a lack of honest adult communication.

Haha agreed. Adult communication... not possible with a girl who's 18. Haha she actually has told me "i don't want to talk about our breakup". That really helped for closure lol

Lol-she has some growing up to do.
Got to go work-stay strong.
Laters. :-)

Some people cope better than others with the reality they face, especially when its something they don't want to face. As with most people the decision to dump the person was not made overnight ( Had to spread the rep Amicon GRR!) and when you have to go through that experience, when you no longer feel the same way about your partner who is absolutely into you, will you understand what you go through to finally make that decision.


Of they have more or less moved on though, why is it in 99% of the threads I read the ex breaks NC or worse, wants to get back together?

Wouldn't it be really nice to dump someone, but still have them as a friend? A pal to talk to and hangout with? Sure it would if you no longer have romantic feelings for them, that would be great until some other interests came along.

That's what's usually behind exes coming back after they have dumped their partners, plus there is no guilt about losing feelings, if they agree to be friends. You must remember, they have no shock of a break up like you do, so they are over the hard part, but they do feel bad when YOU go NC, and reject their friendship, but they have to find it elsewhere.

Some upon being disappointed by another interest not working out, or not being able to find another romantic interest, will often want the one they dumped back, and that's usually a sign of some other issue to be dealt with by them, such as fear of being alone, or bored with their lives, but its seldom enough to rebuild, because if you let them back without the issues they had before being resolved, it won't be long until they are gone again.

Haha she actually has told me "i don't want to talk about our breakup". That really helped for closure lol
You get all the closure you need by accepting her feelings have changed, and moving beyond it, as its been my experience that when the mind clears of those intense emotions, facts come to the surface, you just can't see them because your feelings are in the way.

Nobody likes to admit they made a mistake, and chose the wrong partner, so they shift blame, and do all kinds of things to make it the fault of another, and if your 18 year old is keeping in touch, trying to get back with you, I suggest you have a healthy, clear mind to deal with her, and hopefully put this mess behind you where it belongs. You can only do that by NC, as any contact with the ex will confuse you, and make a simple thing that's hard to do much more complicated.

Many come here thinking its okay to keep talking to an ex after they dump you for whatever reason, and some only want closure, some want to get back what they had, (which is not possible because history with that person, and the feelings they have gone through, make it so) but only healing, and clarity of thoughts and actions can give you what you want, and that's to be happy, and this is but a process to get you to see its you, not them that's responsible for your own happiness, and to develop your coping skills to deal with your reality.

That's why you cut all contact, and look to yourself for answers, and solutions. That's what NC, and the healing process is about. Stop chasing your tail, and get busy on you, because she can't help you, nor is she willing to. But she will confuse you. She doesn't want to talk, leave her alone. That's the real signal you are getting.

Haha bahhhh this woman! I did all right tonight guys... I feel like I have made small improvements. Since I have told her my NC plans I have done my best even though I still see her most nights at work. I come in, say a quick hi (she says hi first) than I go about my business and find things around the store to keep me busy, and I think she is noticing this. The past 2 nights she has asked "why are you so grumpy?" and "why are you so quiet?". Do I care? It stings a bit, I find it immature to ask why I'm grumpy when I've told her I'm going NC, but I just write it off and don't give it any thought. I find myself slowly realizing, do I even want a girl who's this immature? Like no contact means no chit chat, no contact lol doesn't mean I'm grumpy haha. I feel good tonight guys and gals, 2 days off than only 3 times I have to see her at work and I'm done... I read my posts from last night in shame. Keep your head up everyone, I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Bring on the rollercoaster I say!

You've turned the corner-thats great.

That light at the end of the tunnel will shine more brightly every day.

As for the ex's comments-ignore them.

Glad to hear that your doing just fine original. The best thing now is to look at your bright future and you don't having anyone to tell you what you can and cannot do.

I hope this answers your question.

I still have a hard time wrestling with the fact that a girl who seemed to love me so much can throw 3 years away and not be phased
When I was dating my ex before this ex. She was so much inlvoe, did everything together, and I did everything for her. Spoiled her and all that extra miles. We dated for 2.5 yrs and she thought everything was good. She thought our relationship was unbreakable and no one can break us apart. But what she didn't know, for the past 6 months of our relationship I was un happy. The love wasn't their anymore. I did everything I can to get the feeling I have back but there was nothing I can do or she can do to get the fire back on. So I broke it off with her, she cried and cried and begged me to stay but I had no more feelings. I walked out of her life with no emotions, I felt bad cause she was crying but in reality I was happy cause I was no longer in the relationship. I know no matter what she says or do she can't get me back cause I already had decided that I don't want to be with her anymore. It wasn't the course of 1 week but the course of 6 months, and that's why I could just walk away from that relationship cause over the course of time I had been thinking and thinking about the break up. I hope that can answer why she can just walk away from 3 yrs of your relationship.
She had already planned it in her head and that's why she wasn't shock when you guys broke up.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Learned this the hard way. Even now, after more than 30 years of marriage, I never assume my wife's feelings, and never take them for granted. Keeps me on my toes and keeps me paying close attention.

Wow... major setbacks my friends..

So today was pay day at work, and I showed up at noon to pick up my paycheque. I owed my ex some money off this pay for an HDTV that we bought together, but I'm keeping. Because I'm such a lucky person, she shows up at the same time as me to pick up her pay.

So she offers me a ride home since we are both standing in the store, and I have to give her money anyway. Like an idiot, I took the ride. My last shift has changed from Tuesday to Sunday (thanks to an a-hole boss, but that's a different story) and I wouldn't see her again, so I figured I would use this time to say my goodbyes so to speak. Harder... than I could have ever imagined it being. I told her I was sorry I handled the break up so horribly at the beginning, and that I was truly sorry for not giving her the space and trust that she needed. I also stated again my need for NC after today. All she had to say back to me was "i'll see you again"... probably the worst thing she could have said.

When you all read this post, it will sound like I'm overanalyzing what she said, and I may be. But there was something in her tone... something that said her mind wasn't completely made up, and it's really getting to me.

After that I gave her the hug, told her I'll always love her, and said take care and went back up to my apartment, and that was that. I feel like any progress I have made has just been reset completely. My day since then was horrible. I went out to the movies with a group of friends, hit a few different bars afterwards, and I can honestly say there was never a space of at least 30 seconds where I didn't think of her.

I am completely miserable right now, and am completely on the verge of breaking down to her again. I'm not going to, I have some amazing friends who have talked me out of it and given me all sorts of various reasons on why this is for the best, but I guess I'm not in the state of mind to hear it right now. It all feels so real, so finished now.

She kind of has me hoping with the whole "I'll see you again" thing, only because I told her NC would be in effect for at least a year if not longer (this will take me a long time to heal 100%) and she just kept saying "I'll see you again". Today is now Saturday morning, I work tonight, and again for my last shift Sunday night, and that's it. Any support/advice/suggestions anything to help me see straight and get me back to where I was a few days ago guys, would be greatly appreciated. I didn't think I would be doing the whole "goodbye" thing today, and I sure as heck didn't have more than maybe 15 seconds to prepare what I wanted to say. I can't bear the fact that I have lost this girl forever...

Original sorry to hear that dude. But what progress did you get out of it. You talking to her what do you gain, you going in her car what do you gain. NOTHING. Saying your goodbyes you gain NOTHING. I hear you man I know how that felt cause I went through it. That's why its best to never ever contact them, see them, cause right after you will feel confused and lost.

I can't bear the fact that I have lost this girl forever... will you need to accept the fact that she is no longer yours forever. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can let go with the false hope and move on. Write you feelings down when you start missing her a lot. That's what I do and it really do help. And also like this guy had told me in my thread he said.


kp2171you are not ready to be over her and you aren't frustrated enough to follow NC and that's OK. Its your lesson to learn.
When you date someone, expect it to hurt when it ends. It should not be a shock. Missing someone is not a good enough reason to want to get back

You could have declined the ride-so you put yourself through this,because I suspect,false hope reared its ugly head again.

As for what she said-dont read anything into it.

False hope again.

As you are realising,the hard way, every interaction sets you back.

So don't do this to yourself.

Yea I'm an idiot... screwed up today and completely went back on everything I said I would do. I'm pretty disappointed in myself, and now I pay the consequences. Showme:that bit of advice from your thread does help, and amicon you called it. I did this to myself. Time to get some sleep, been up 27 hours straight, had a couple beers, no wonder this day is a mess. Thanks all but I need to sleep this one off and regroup tmmw. Happy Easter to all of you though, and thanks again

Happy Easter to you too-get some kip-you'll feel better for it.
Laters.

So day 1 of nc was unfortunately broken (very briefly) tonight only because we bumped into each other at work. I don't know why she was even there as her sister was working, but something did sting...

A bit of background info: when I first met this girl she was in with the wrong crowd. Hard drugs, and these girls were way to promiscuous. Tonight when I saw her, she was hanging out with the WORST girl from this group. It kind of has me thinking "what the heck is happening to this girl". I guess trying out her freedom...

I laughed at it a few minutes later though. All the progress she made the past few years in getting cleaned up is very likely to be undone hanging out with this girl. It hurts, but I guess her problem not mine. Tonights my last shift so after today I am done and free to begin healing properly. Still feels really hard though...

Its supposed to hurt bad, after all you're only human, and you cared. If it didn't hurt, then you would have cause to worry.

I don't want it to hurt though, I feel like I shouldn't care. And really hanging out with this girl is going to turn my ex into a junkie, and possibly worse. I feel like crap right now god I'm glad this job is done

The hurt will fade, and you WILL cope!

Her issues are hers, its her choice what she does.

Guess it would be easier, if we had control over others, but we don't.

I know... I will cope and I will get to the day where I look back at this laugh. Like this is what she left me for? To go back to friends like these? What a joke... all that progress just to be reset. I know that the next few days will drive me nuts though... wondering what she's doing, what kind if trouble this girl is getting her into... any advice on how to forget this?

Dude, that is a suckfest.

I am not sure if this helps to know, but what she said and did is NORMAL.
High-school sweethearts, young couple. I have seen it over and over... People need to go through phases or they get stuck and have to get back. She is trying to sort that out. I would not take it personally. You are just the symbol of lost time and place. See if you can get a new job and be a gentleman. She will know what she lost one day. But you may be surprised by the unexpected things that you may discover if you push yourself as well. She's doing you both a favor. If you are supposed to be together, the universe will take care of it... if not, you will have found there's more to life than that store and a life that is too predictable.

FOCUS ON TODAY. NOT HER.
AND AFTER DOING THAT FOR 90 DAYS, YOU WILL BE SOMEWHERE NEW...

A

Dude, your post was amazing. The no contact for sure starts today as tonight is my last shift at this store. The problem is though, seeing my ex hang out with this girl... like words cannot describe how bad of an influence this girl is. She left me for space and to hang out with friends and have fun, but if these are te friends she is going back to, I want nothing to do with her. Once I get home I'm marking 90 days on the calendar, and I pray that my ex does not contact me.

I have been a gentleman though, since the breakup at the end of January I have dropped some compliments, and been a nice good guy in general. She doesn't seem to notice or care though, like she has completely emtionally detached from me. I hope one day she does realize what she lost.

When we said our goodbyes the other day, she had nothing to say. It was pretty much all me... it does suck bro

7 more hours and I'm a free man though. Real nc starts

What did you mean when you said I may be suprisedby the unexpected things I may discover?

What did you mean when you said I may be suprisedby the unexpected things I may discover?

LIFE.

LIFE man... She is searching and her discoveries sound kind of weak. You sound strong and hopeful, I bet you will discover people, places, new things. Don't fight fate. She just may have done you a HUGE favor. Hear me now, believe me later. PS - do you have degree? I think it's time to buckle down and reach a little higher... why not?

No man I don't have a degree, I'm actually in the middle of applying for the Canadian forces so hopefully that works out. All my friends have told me she just did me a favour, especially since she needs about 20 more high school credits. Doesn't change the fact I love her though, I needed to quit this job sooner lol

Your friends are right.
Why? If she comes back (which I would not count on or wish for)
You're already getting a chance to get
More out of life and be your own man. And you are getting more perspective.
If she doesn't you will be too. And you will have a better life.
Congrats on the new job and if you do not join the Canadian forces, get a degree. (community college?) You will thank me later. Life is what happens when you are making plans my man... But sometimes you can take a little control. But it always requires digging down and suffering. Then reward. That's how it works. I am thinking good things are ahead. Just a guess :-)

You're going through the hurt and pain that comes with a breakup-that's normal and can't be avoided.

As soon as you get yourself into proper NC you will start to feel a real difference.

As for who your ex befriends,that's her business now-and not you responsibility.

Spend your time thinking about you and how you can improve your life,rather than thinking about how she might be ruining hers.

Ash and amicon... you guys are getting me through this shift I don't know how I can possibly thank you enough. I'm slowly realizing that yea, she is really taking backwards steps by bringig this girl back into her circle, and that is her fault/problem. I know 90 days from now I will look back and laugh at this. Part of me still hopes/wants her to come back, but I'm confident that after tonight when I never have to see her again these feelings won't be as strong and they will change.

And I am going to get my life on track. Everyone in my family and all my friends tell me I can do big things... a few years down the line she will regret this I think :)

Lol,a few years down the road,she'll be a distant memory!

Do your outmost to live up to your own potential and do the great things I'm sure you can do.

Bet you you'll be grateful she's no longer around to hold you back.. .

ahh so finally... real NC begins :)

when she showed up at work this morning to replace my shift there was a brief conversation about work related things, and than good bye. No long, drawn out conversation filled with emotion, no hug, nothing. It felt good... really good.

Her mother did drive her to work, and thus gave me a ride home as well, and me and her talked for about an hour. I said my thank you's for all of the support she gave us during the 3 years we were together, and we just talked about how I was doing, how "d" (my ex) was doing, our pets, and a whole bunch of random stuff. I just walked in my apartment door, and honestly, I'm so glad things got left on decent terms with everybody. There is no bitterness, no hate, everything ended peacefully and I guess that's the best you can ask for.

So it starts today ladies and gents... I thank everyone who posted in this thread and gave me all the great advice and insight I needed to get to this point. It stings a little knowing this girl is no longer a part of my life, and that I WILL NOT speak to her again (anytime soon at least) but I know its for the best and again at least things ended peacefully all around with her, and her family.

Don't think I'm saying goodbye though. I'm sure like everyone else I will have my down days and feel like breaking NC, so I will come back to this board (probably very often) to let you guys whoop my a** and set my head straight if I'm having one of those days. I'm also going to post in any thread I feel I can contribute to (its actually very therapuetic) and do my best to just live life and get things together.

Hey day ONE -good luck and stay strong.

Come back whenever,and your advice here is good so keep that up.

Take care now,and do stuff that makes you feel good!

Your perspective is valuable, and welcome here anytime guy, so you better not make yourself a stranger.

Hello all:
So its one week in today... probably not a good sign that I'm still counting the days lol. Honestly, it is getting tougher and tougher each day. The urge to break the no contact is pretty big at times... though so far so good and I keep telling myself each time I feel compelled to message her that absolutely no good will come of it.

Still though, part of me wonders how it is so easy for her to shut me out completely. I didn't go into NC hoping I would get her back... I truly do feel like it is a lost cause at this point. But I often find myself wondering, does she feel the same way? Is it as weird for her as it is for me?

The old store we used to work at together has a gas bar, and I have been very careful to stay far away when I know she is working. The other night I was out with a friend, and he had to get gas and that store is the only one open in town. It was midnight, it wasn't her shift, but there she was working. I saw her, I'm pretty sure she saw me, but I just sat in my friends truck, didn't make eye contact, didn't wave, nothing.
It feels like kind of a set back of sorts, because since then the urge to break NC has been getting stronger... but I won't do it. I refuse to let myself feel worse.

I don't know what the point of this update was... I feel like I'm getting weaker and weaker each day, because I have been doing my best to take pro active measures to get my mind off things. I hang out with friends, I have been keeping busy with my correspondance course, but there's still a lot of empty time in this apartment where my mind wanders to all the "what ifs" and thoughts of her. Life is weird right now, I'll say that much. Thanks for reading.

Do not weaken or feel sorry for yourself.
It sends out bad vibes to her, your family and yourself.
FAKE IT for now... until you have logged 90 days... just find ways
To not contact her or you will regret it.

A

It is tough-but I'm kind of thinking you're strong enough to see it through.

And I think you'll find that you'll lose count of the days after another week or so.
That's the way it works,generally speaking.

As for 'the empty hours'-find things to do.
Find new interests,make new friends,do some volunteering-come here and help out.
Go on a minibreak if you can.

Use your energy to move forward.

Life is all about having weak moments, not just in love but in many areas of life. You manage by knowing and accepting the weakness, and coping in a positive way. Its not a set back, it's a moment of weakness. It will pass, like any other storm in your life. The waiting is the hard part, but you KNOW, reason, and sunshine will always follow, the storm.

KNOWING is the answer to temporary feelings. To have feelings, good or bad is human, that's what we do is feel. But we KNOW we can't always act on those feelings. FACT is maybe a better plan for those stormy days would help. Its called making adjustments to the situation. Hmmm, you seem to do quite well helping others. So maybe you are alone in your apartment, but you don't have to be lonely.

Thank you all for the up lifting words... I honestly felt a lot better just by typing that out... I think I'm one of those people who just needs to get things off my chest once in a while. I am faking it, I do my best to not bring her up around my friends, and I feel happy when I'm out and about, I think its just the fact that the new job is still a couple of weeks away, and I have A lot of spare time right now that's getting to me.
Amicon-i KNOW I won't contact her, as I said I keep telling myself that things will only get worse. There's only so many times you can tell a person you love them and want to be with them, and as much as it hurts anytime I said those things to her the feeling wasn't recipirocated, so I ask myself why put yourself through that again? So far that's been working, and will continue to work I'm sure. Can't make someone love you after all.
And Tal, that's exactly what I'm figuring out. I KNOW things will get better, I guess I'm just impatient right now and hoping the days would pass quicker, but your right. I was wondering if you could clarify to me what you meant though by "I dont have to be alone in my apartment." Are you referring to having friends over (I usually can get at least 1 person to come over each day for a bit) or trying to date and bring a girl back to my place lol? (been down that road, felt like crap after, smart enough to not do it again... yet haha)

Or you could just go out and do things.. .
Gym,jog etc.
Staying stuck indoors is a bit boring sometimes.. .

Don't date yet,too early-but spend time with your friends.

Yea, going for a run every morning could be a good idea! I have a weight bench in my place that I have been using, although not as routinely as I should I must admit.

I realize its to early to date... I made the mistake of getting in touch with an "old flame" so to speak a few months ago when the break up was very fresh. This girl had a boyfriend (lied to me when I asked her though and told me she didnt) and came over anyway... and well you know. I never dated this girl officially, but we had gone out in the past a few times and this wasn't the first time we had sex either. The next morning she left to go back to school/him, and there I was by myself again... with extreme feelings of guilt. So you... wont do that again.
Thanks again for the advice... lets see if I can dish it out for the next little bit!

Good idea-dishing out the advice, I mean.
Keep going.
Or jogging.:-)

All right AMHD... it happened... she sent me a Facebook message. This happened about 2 minutes ago, and as I type my arms are shaking because I don't know what to do.

The message itself is pretty basic. All it says:
Hey just thought I would say hi, what's up? How's coffee culture?

(coffee culture is the place I was supposed to start at in a few weeks, I actually start tomorrow, but that's a different story)

Anyway, so do I respond to this? It doesn't sound hopeful, and I honestly don't think I have anything to gain by it because if I do send a message and nothing past a little correspondance develops from this, I will be devastated. Please advise on how to proceed. I don't want to be her enemy, but I can't handle a straight friendship with her and I told her this when we said goodbye. Bahhh I'm confused.


... props to me though I didn't break NC once so far!

Don't reply-come on-NC is NC.
Block her-no need to be polite when exs come fishing.

Delete!

She is blocked... its actually weird that she can message me. I know I blocked her when I took her off my friends list when this happened, so I guess she searched me out..

Either way, after taking an hour or two, I will stick to NC. The message has "friend zone" written all over it, and nothing is to be gained by replying. Message was also deleted so I don't have to look at it again.

Keeping strong

Yes you are strong.

That was a atop in the road-a tiny one.

Now go out for a run.

Well, she's done it again. I went over to my neighbours just to have a quick beer and watch some TV with them. I come back a half hour later, and there is a missed call from our old work number (it would be her working there at this time). I kind of feel like, fate saved me tonight. My neighbours came and invited me over at just the right time for me to miss that phone call.

... Now the hard part is admitting I kind of wish I was here to take it. I mean, I ignored her ridiculous Facebook message, why would she take it a step further and call me? BTW, I think we are still less than 2 weeks into full NC.


I'm sorry I just don't get it... I ignored the message, that must have been made clear to her. Why would she feel the need to call me? Simply to say "hi, whats up" from work? What is going through her mind? I said, stay away from me, don't send messages, don't call, UNLESS you want to get back together. (Mistake, yes. But how I felt a few weeks ago). Is she simply just being this ignorant and I'm blind to see it?

If you keep ignoring her, it will dawn on her you don't wish to be bothered. That's the point of NC. Right?

She knows your tempted, and wondering what she is up to. She knows old feelings get stirred up by the mystery of her call.

She just can't believe you can move on, and is dying of the curiosity of it all.

Stay with NC!! Its more important now than it was before. If she was a guy, I would say she was checking her "trap" to see if she had caught any thing in them, but since she is a female, she is checking her "traps" to see if she had caught anything in them. See my point? Don't be her prey, and get caught up in her traps!

Thank God you know about NC! Get it now!?

Haha oh yes I most definitely get it. I didn't call back or anything, just kind of shocking really. Again, I'm a lot calmer now and I have realized that her phone call was nothing more than a continuation of her Facebook message. Probably needs some guilt relief or something. NC works though, I feel better each time I ignore one of these attempts.

At this stage, be concerned with you. Not her.

You have other more important things.

Don't let seeing her, or the thoughts of the past sway any of your future decisions. Those are yours and not for anyone but you.

Just make sure that you are looking after your best interests.

From your original post:

"and the one thing commonly said in all of them is that No Contact is an aboslute necessity:

Yup.

So two more texts today. The first one said "hey i messaged you the other day are you too good to talk now?" followed by "??"

What the h-e-double hockeysticks is her motivation? I don't get it, this can't just be curiosity. I ignored them both, and will continue to do so, however now she's making ME curious. I just want to know what goes through her head when less than two weeks ago I said "No contact, unless you want to get back together". It's gotten past that now, and I don't think that's what she wants, can anyone provide insight?

Staying strong though, haven't broken NC on my end once yet! 2 weeks tomorrow!

Stop being curious-she's fishing-probably feels she's not in charge anylonger and that might be p**sing her off.

You are doing really well,just keep busy and keep ignoring her messages.(if any).

Often exes like to test our words, and she thinks you will cave and do things her way, if you will just respond..!

Don't fall for that.

You guys are probably right. I never knew her to be so manipulative in the past... I guess this goes with all the other changes in her I have witnessed.

We live and learn.

Move past it-her bad.

Is there any way of knowing or prediciting when this will stop? I mean in past situations does the ex give up after a certain period? Because honestly, I'm fine 95% of the time until I see that she has called or messaged me in some way, than she starts dominating my thoughts and it needs to stop. So do they usually give up or is this going to persist until I say "back off" kind of thing?


This whole thing shows me how childish/cruel/immature she is as well. It's almost to the point where I laugh at it...

You seem to be recognizing things that you didn't before and your right, her contacting you is starting to be a distraction and annoyance.

Two options,

1- stay on this course, and wait for her to get the hint to leave you alone.

2- Tell her straight up to leave you alone.

Both are viable options, and both require you to follow through with the correct actions on your part.

Option 1 requires you not to give in to returning her contact with you.

Option 2, requires you to never contact her after you have made a stand for yourself.

Nice to have options, so try the first, and do the second, if it becomes necessary.

Eventually they give up, but may come back later, no set time table, sorry, it depends on them. How you cope and deal with her actions, depends on YOU though.

Whoo Hooo!!

Act like she no longer exists.
Because essentially, she doesn't.

Man.. holy crap... WHY does she not get the picture, and if she does why is she that f'd up to mess with you? I've finally got through all your posts lol.. took me a bit because I've been goofing off with the kid. Man I feel for you on the not being able to use NC at first.. I'm stuck for life lol. I'd do what Tal said, and yes, it does feel great when you're presented with options and when you can finally choose your own path.. That's with anything in life. Was nice to even initiate NC even though it was hard because YOU chose to do it. It's a power thing I think. You've stolen hers and she wants it back it seems like. Enjoy the fact you don't HAVE to see her or talk to her.. you should do a little get away for yourself once you get this other job going.. Take the weekend or set of days you have off and just relax.. don't even work on yourself.. Just Chill! I plan to once custody is settled. Bruh, I feel for you so much. Had I not initiated the no tearing up policy I would probably have broke down again on your thread lol. It's so weird how women hit that switch in their brain as SOON as they say it's over. It's like they grow this new personality and don't see it even themselves and wonder why you're being so mean to them. Like they're schizophrenic.. Best of luck at the forces thing man. Sounds like it'd be a good route. Keep everything updated dude. You have no reason to give into her.. make a new life man.. the one you always wanted!

man.. holy crap... WHY does she not get the picture, and if she does why is she that f'd up to mess with you? I've finally got through all your posts lol.. took me a bit because I've been goofing off with the kid. Man I feel for you on the not being able to use NC at first.. I'm stuck for life lol. I'd do what Tal said, and yes, it does feel great when you're presented with options and when you can finally choose your own path.. That's with anything in life. Was nice to even initiate NC even though it was hard because YOU chose to do it. It's a power thing I think. You've stolen hers and she wants it back it seems like. Enjoy the fact you don't HAVE to see her or talk to her.. you should do a little get away for yourself once you get this other job going.. Take the weekend or set of days you have off and just relax.. don't even work on yourself.. Just Chill! I plan to once custody is settled. Bruh, I feel for you so much. Had I not initiated the no tearing up policy I would probably have broke down again on your thread lol. It's so weird how women hit that switch in their brain as SOON as they say it's over. It's like they grow this new personality and don't see it even themselves and wonder why you're being so mean to them. Like they're schizophrenic.. Best of luck at the forces thing man. Sounds like it'd be a good route. Keep everything updated dude. You have no reason to give into her.. make a new life man.. the one you always wanted!

Very inspiring! That's EXACTLY what all my friends have told me this is about... her power. And the beauty of it is, I ended it so peacefully, that I honestly left with nothing else to say to her, and it feels good. She on the other hand, said nothing, and is probably feeling guilty as s**t. So, to quote tal from another thread-no need to be an emotional tampon.

I started the other job this past Wednesday. Haha its far from the dream-but its better than what came before it, and I work with a ton of nice people. Lots of cute girls too. And I have my interview with the forces on April 29th... so we will see how that goes. It feels good though, at least I can look back at the past 3 months and say I have accomplished something.

If she tries to contact me again-i will ignore and continue to ignore. Short of her completely crossing the line and making some effort to see me in person, I have no need to speak to her again. Those feelings could change in a second, but I have learned at this point not to trust them. It's like an arm wrestle between your brain and your heart... just got to decide who wins.

Yeah man.. never let emotions get the best of you if you're in a position to out think them. Emotions are illogical and stupid is what I've learned from AMHD.
LOL @ "emotional tampon"..
Grats @ the job and the cute girls! Cute co-workers always make you feel better and make the ex feel like crap. A win win.. lol..
Best of luck on your forces endeavor! I want to join the services here but the felony knocks that out. Show them what you got man!
Your accomplishments are awesome and came fast! Now I feel as though I too can get past these feelings of total sh** and it's safe to try something. Hopefully my path follows this same route or something similar..
So you got your eye on any of the girls there?
Also, would you really consider giving her another chance if she went out of her way to try to show you she made a mistake? Do you draw lines? (sex with another man is unforgivable and can't be undone etc.)

Most people who go through a proper healing, enjoy moving forward, because they finally see new options and opportunities, and are amazed that they don't want the exes back.

That's been my experience.

Can't rep you yet,Tal,but I am in complete agreement.

No contact and healing most often makes us happy that we are no longer with the ex.

Yeah man.. never let emotions get the best of you if you're in a position to out think em. Emotions are illogical and stupid is what I've learned from AMHD.
LOL @ "emotional tampon"..
Grats @ the job and the cute girls! Cute co-workers always make you feel better and make the ex feel like crap. A win win.. lol..
Best of luck on your forces endeavor! I wanna join the services here but the felony knocks that out. Show em what ya got man!
Your accomplishments are awesome and came fast! Now I feel as though I too can get past these feelings of total sh** and it's safe to try something. Hopefully my path follows this same route or something similar..
So you got your eye on any of the girls there?
Also, would you really consider giving her another chance if she went out of her way to try to show you she made a mistake? Do you draw lines? (sex with another man is unforgivable and can't be undone etc.)

Haha of course I got my eyes on them... but I won't act on anything yet. Its fun just getting to know new people right now. The last thing I want to do is try and hop right into another relationship, or worse face rejection. Still a bit too soon I guess.

I don't know if I would give her another chance. We both made mistakes in our relationship, but she left me, and had some good reasons to do so. I did give her 2 months after we broke up of me crying, telling her it could be different, and wanting her back. She was hearing none of it. So, I honestly don't think I could, because if she were to want to fix things I would wonder what the hell changed so quickly again. I do draw lines, sleeping with another guy would definitely make me think twice about getting back together, as have some other things that she has done in the meantime. Honestly though I try not to think about it, if that situation pops up I will deal with it than. As of right now, we are broken up forever, and that makes it a bit easier to deal with as opposed to holding on to false hope.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm completely over her-far from the truth. Yesterday was a particularly off day, just felt crappy about everything. Her messages don't help at all either. It was like everything was starting to fall into place for me this past Monday, and Tuesday she starts calling again. Damn women, its like her brain knew I was happy and finally getting past this lol. Lots of healing time ahead still... but it gets easier. And yes you too can stop sitting there with these feelings of s**t. Eventually, you will get bored of feeling like crap all the time and decide its time for a change.

Smart move @ not another relationship so soon.

Yeah, it's hard to tell what actually would stop anything in the future, and you're absolutely right.. Thinking of it as forever done does kind if get you back to thinking logically. It's almost like you literally make more room in your head to maneuver and see your options when you push those feelings aside. 2 months is a pretty good amount of time and that's probably why you feel satisfied that you tried everything you could. It's weird how us guys have to sit and try every option before giving up. Glad to see you made it out of that phase! You're a pretty strong willed dude lol.. that's for sure.
She's messaging you STILL? Can't you block her? Good to hear that's it's all coming together for you for the most part. Lol @ the brain thing.. Yeah I agree.. they smell feelings out pretty well and they definitely try their hardest to manipulate them. I think they're all evil : /
So you looking forward to the 29th? Are they going to test you and show you your options? I know they do that stuff here on like the first hour of meeting you. You interested in the air, sea, land, or special ops part? Man I want to know how you do! Lol This is pretty inspiring. Maybe Canadian Forces will take me too lol.. I'd have to move a billion miles to the north pole, but heck.. I've done crazier lol.
How's this new job doing you?
Take care, home slice..

Smart move @ not another relationship so soon.

Yeah, it's hard to tell what actually would stop anything in the future, and you're absolutely right.. Thinking of it as forever done does kind if get you back to thinking logically. It's almost like you literally make more room in your head to maneuver and see your options when you push those feelings aside. 2 months is a pretty good amount of time and that's probably why you feel satisfied that you tried everything you could. It's weird how us guys have to sit and try every option before giving up. Glad to see you made it out of that phase! You're a pretty strong willed dude lol.. that's for sure.
She's messaging you STILL? Can't you block her? Good to hear that's it's all coming together for you for the most part. lol @ the brain thing.. Yeah I agree.. they smell feelings out pretty well and they definitely try their hardest to manipulate them. I think they're all evil : /
So you looking forward to the 29th? Are they going to test you and show you your options? I know they do that stuff here on like the first hour of meeting you. You interested in the air, sea, land, or special ops part? Man I wanna know how you do! lol This is pretty inspiring. Maybe Canadian Forces will take me too lol.. I'd have to move a billion miles to the north pole, but heck.. I've done crazier lol.
How's this new job doin ya?
Take care, home slice..

Hey bro
I haven't had a message from her since Saturday (that was a text) but I did block her on Facebook from sending me any more little private messages. I have this gut feeling that tells me it stopped now, which puts me at ease. It stings a bit (I mean it WAS nice to know she was at least thinking of me) but really all the confusion it brought was so not worth it. Here's hoping she took the hint and backed off.

Yea man, I did try everything. I must have spent the better part of 2 months begging, crying, calling, texting, telling her she's beautiful, and all the time I was doing it, she did not care. It was like I made no difference in her life what so ever. So I try and remember that coldness when I think of doing anything like that again. She didn't deserve all the attention I gave her after we broke up, and all it did was reassure her that SHE was in control.

On the 29'th I have first just what they call the medical... just a basical physical evaluation and a doctor checks you out. I have to do some average number of push ups/sit ups and things like that, just to make sure I meet physical standards. Once the doctor gives the Ok, I have an interview with a Military Career Counsellor and they discuss the 3 options you chose for your occupations, and figure out which one is best for you. It also serves as a character judgement kind of thing I've been told. Usually there would also be an aptitude test, but I wrote it 2 years ago when I first applied, and don't have to take it again.

And the new job is cool. It's just in a coffee shop right now, but it's a lot better than the convenience store I came from (really small town, jobs suck round these parts lol). I work with tons of nice people... alot of them are within 2-3 years of my age. Its usually pretty busy as well so time goes quick and it's actually a relief being there because I don't have the time to dwell on the crappy stuff in life.

I will say though, right now for me mornings are the toughest. Even this morning I woke up and wished all of this was a nightmare, even though last night I remember going to bed not even thinking about her. It is weird man, hard to control these stupid feelings sometimes.

Dude, I know exactly what you mean. Those feelings like just jump at you at random for no reason at all. I also feel you on the nightmare thing, but that's at nights for me.. I just say out loud.. let me wake up from this as a nightmare with a lesson learned. It's weird the things you think. I watched 'The Truman Show' the other day and I actually sat and thought to myself.. "hmm.. Maybe I'm on a television show and they're just making an @$$ of me".. lol.. I know.. it sounds crazy..
Man if that doesn't get through to her I duno what will. I'm betting it does stop.. However, I'm also betting that it starts again down the line when something reminds her of you.. Watch your back man.. Does she have her friends/family contacting you yet?
lol.. man that sounds pretty simple @ joining.. are you in shape already or is this going to test your limit? Lol
Man, GRATS on the new job again.. I bet you feel like a million bucks in comparison lol..
passing out at the comp now.. later you.. BEST of luck,

Truth be told her sending me messages has really screwed me up. Every time my phone goes off now I wonder if its her again. I'm not even thinking about breaking NC, I'm not sure what my problem is. Her family and friends haven't said anything to me thus far-nor do I expect them too. I'm not even sure who her circle of friends includes these days aside from this one junkie girl.

I like to think I'm in shape (haha) I know what their averages are and its pretty easy I only have to do like 22 pushups and 19 sit ups or something like that-easy as pie.

The new job does feel good, its really helping in the moving on process. I can't even say how brutal it was having to see her every night at work for 2 months straight. Especially since she would have this kick a** perfume on every time, she dyed her hair (looked good too) man everything just killed me. It's nice to be able to go to work and not be heartbroken anymore.

Today seems kind of rough too-its my day off and I'm just sitting here so that's probably why. Her messages really did set me back-they came at just the wrong time. Take it easy though man, I got to find something to keep me busy before I go nuts.

Dude, that sucks! Block her every route man. Turn off text messaging (cheaper anyway lol) for a month or two. It'll also help you interact with people on a more personal level and get you back into the world. Those people can be the distraction you're looking for. Too bad you don't live in the states lol.. could use a fishing buddy.

Man that test sounds pretty easy.. lol. What are the 3 categories they offer? Got one in particular in mind?

I bet it does @ the new job. Out with the old, in with the new! Sounds like everything in your life is changing for you. That's awesome man! You're stronger then I my friend. I would have just straight up quit lol. I need to take notes.. lots of them.

Yeah dude, I know what you mean @ hair and perfume.. Last time my ex left she wore this hot outfit, the perfume I bought her, showing her tan off, hair looked amazing, and she had the little preppy sexy thing going on. I see that picture hourly in my head. I think it's all on purpose.

So no more running into her, aye? Lucky SOB.. lol..

You have hobbies or friends to preoccupy yourself with? Nothing to do in little po-dunk towns.. I feel you. Call all yer buddies.. I do it time to time to keep from doing something stupid.

Dude, that sucks! Block her every route man. Turn off text messaging (cheaper anyway lol) for a month or two. It'll also help you interact with people on a more personal level and get you back into the world. Those people can be the distraction you're looking for. Too bad ya don't live in the states lol.. could use a fishing buddy.

Man that test sounds pretty easy.. lol. What are the 3 categories they offer? Got one in particular in mind?

I bet it does @ the new job. Out with the old, in with the new! Sounds like everything in your life is changing for you. That's awesome man! You're stronger then I my friend. I would have just straight up quit lol. I need to take notes.. lots of them.

Yeah dude, I know what you mean @ hair and perfume.. Last time my ex left she wore this hot outfit, the perfume I bought her, showing her tan off, hair looked amazing, and she had the little preppy sexy thing going on. I see that picture hourly in my head. I think it's all on purpose.

So no more running into her, aye? Lucky SOB.. lol..

You have hobbies or friends to preoccupy yourself with? Nothing to do in little po-dunk towns.. I feel ya. Call all yer buddies.. I do it time to time to keep from doing something stupid.

I would turn off text messaging... its just how I talk with most of my buddies too so it would be a hassle haha. If she sends more text in the future I will probably block her number. Haha I love fishing it is too bad I'm way up here.

What do you mean when you say you would straight up quit? I don't think your stronger than me... yours is just more fresh and your situation has a few more complications in it. You will move on when your ready... eventually you will tire of putting all of your energy and effort into someone who doesn't even acknowledge it.

LOL @ them dressing like bombshells on purpose the last time they see us though. Yea your right it has to be on purpose. When we were together my ex never got all dolled up for work like she does now.

I made a huge mistake yesterday though, I typed in her name on Facebook just to see a picture... I don't know why, first time in over 2 weeks I have done it, and I'm so disappointed in myself. It didn't do too much damage, but I know not to do it again because I couldn't handle if I saw she was in another relationship right now or something else like that.

I have lots of buddies that have been pretty good about coming over. I can usually get on average one person to come over and chill with me for a bit each day. I also have some cool neighbours (there is only 2 apartments in our building) and they are a young couple my age who I get along really well with. It sucks seeing them all lovey-dovey sometimes, but they are really nice and the BF went through a similar situation so he's like my real life advisor right now haha. But your right, it is the best way to keep from doing something stupid. I remember when I first got her messages my buddies right away said "Dont do it, ignore, leave her alone".

Not much has changed the past few days though. I still wake up in the morning really depressed and I can't figure out why. Once I get my day going I'm generally OK, but mornings suck. I guess its just waking up alone in that bed.

On the plus side though, a girl who I used to like messaged me the other day and told me she was moving home from school to do home schooling and that we would be getting together soon :)... so I'm hoping that once she does that it will keep my distracted for a bit haha. Hope all is well with you man

Hey Florida by the way... mind giving some tips on quitting smoking? I really want to do it, but sometimes through out this whole thing I feel like smoking has kept me sane... how did you do it? What methods did you employ and how did you fight withdrawals?

Falling apart today... I don't work until 5 so tonnes of free time sitting here by myself. I am realllllly struggling trying not to break NC today-im thinking I almost need to do it to get my heartbroken again and move on. Her messages have really screwed me up... and the fact that they have stopped is worse in its own way.

My curiosity is killing me. I feel like I should just text back and say "hey whats up" kind of thing and see where it goes.

I don't know why I haven't been able to make any progress the past few days. A week ago it felt like everything was falling into place getting better, now I feel the opposite. I am curious about how she is doing, and curious about if she would say anything about us-unlikely and I don't know why these thoughts have crept back up into my head. I'm trying my best to make sure my actions match my words, I haven't broken NC yet, but everyday the temptation too gets stronger and stronger. I know contacting her would almost definitely be a waste of time-her messages sounded like she was trying to go the friends route which is not I what I want. She didn't get the message across at all that she was even contemplating getting back together-so why am I? God damn everyone keeps saying time this time that, its been almost 3 months and I'm still a wreck. Should I just break the NC and find out once and for all (again) that it IS done and maybe that well help me in the long run even though it hurts at first?

Bumps in the road-and normal feelings.

Stick to Nc-you k n o w you will not only regret breaking it,but it will make you feel like.. . If you do break it.

Normal feelings 3 months after the fact though? If I were to go back and time and ask myself on February 1st how I would feel halfway through april-this wouldn't have been the answer I hoped for.

Lets take a hypothetical situation. Lets say I want her back, than could I maybe reply to her message (now its been a week since she sent it so it won't seem desperate at all) and just say "hey, im doing great, new job is great, hope all is well with you, and take care". Would that be so bad? Half of me thinks it would be good because I would be taking control of the conversation, and ending it on my terms, not showing any interest in her work life/date life/ etc. The other half feels like her response or lack of it just sets me up for future disappointment and a longer healing process.

I think sending the message might help with the fact that if I end the conversation with "take care" I can sit here and not wonder if its her each time my phone goes off or if I have a message on Facebook.

Your right amicon, I bet you I would feel like crap, but part of me thinks its what needs to happen. I can't just sit here all day waiting for her to text or call again-im driving myself nuts.


This is the message I was going to send... I haven't done it yet but I have left it open in another window... thoughts please:

Hey you
Just got your message my bad it took so long work has kept me pretty busy these days. Coffee Culture is great, its nice to be able to be awake during the days and actually sleep at night now lol. Plus most of the people who work there are pretty cool and all of them are nice and patient with me (I suck at making some of the drinks lol) so yea its been a pretty good experience so far. Plus we all get tips so that's a nice first!

If you haven't moved yet good luck, and if you have I hope your liking the new place! Give Molson and Otis a few pets for me!

Take care and ttyl




... thats not so bad is it?

Your proper NC didn't start till you left your previous job.
So your feelings are normal,considering the amount of time you have spent in NC.

You're suffering from false hope.

Why are you sitting there waiting for messages from someone who broke up with you?

Get busy,you have tests coming up.

Your proper NC didnt start till you left your previous job.
So your feelings are normal,considering the amount of time you have spent in NC.

You're suffering from false hope.

Why are you sitting there waiting for messages from someone who broke up with you?

Get busy,you have tests coming up.

Your right, I don't know why I am sitting here waiting for them... I wouldn't have been if she hadn't sent me anything in the first place but ahh oh well that's just an excuse.

I do have tests... maybe time to focus on the positive for once.

It's true though, its been 3 months but because of the job it only feels really REAL the past 2 weeks... each day is another one though ill take a look back on July 1st and see where I'm at compared to now... hopefully there's a bigger improvement

Focusing on the positive and your goals is a good idea.

You're doing fine,it just takes time to mend a broken heart.

Quote by the_original;
This is the message I was going to send... I haven't done it yet but I have left it open in another window... thoughts please:

[I]"hey you
just got your message my bad it took so long work has kept me pretty busy these days. Coffee Culture is great, its nice to be able to be awake during the days and actually sleep at night now lol. Plus most of the people who work there are pretty cool and all of them are nice and patient with me (i suck at making some of the drinks lol) so yea its been a pretty good experience so far. Plus we all get tips so thats a nice first!

If you haven't moved yet good luck, and if you have I hope your liking the new place! Give Molson and Otis a few pets for me!

take care and ttyl"

I think it's totally OK to contact your EX.. AS LONG AS you don't want ANYTHING in return. If you are cool and INDIFFERENT (A magic word for those trying to have power and confidence after a break-up**) then do it. You are a cool guy who doesn't care. BUT if you care who she is seeing, what she is saying, what she is thinking... And it could hurt you -- I'd wait a bit.

Damn, bruh.. Don't send her ANYTHING. She's playing NC too but in her own f'd up way. She's baiting you then waiting for you to come grab it. Just like fishing, bruh. Most fish bite out of curiosity such as yours. "Looks good, smells good, man I want to find out what this is!". BAM.. You're gaffed. Don't type her name even. That's just self curiosity and she's still winning because she knows you'll look. Are you really going to head into a trap when you know it's there? You're better then this, bruh.. I've got my money down on you being stronger then her.

The friends route is an insult and a slap in the face. Get pissed. Use it to get you through a moment of relapse. F that. It's a trap in disguise. It's no different then talking to her about your feelings again because she knows eventually that'll be the topic of discussion and she can get her dose of ego boost out of you. If she says friends laugh at it to her and let her know it's a joke without saying it(assuming of course you're in a conversation with her) then carry on to another subject.

All she has is feelings, man. I know they suck, but she has nothing more. You turn away from her and don't look back and she'll be powerless. Just remember that she's counting on you coming back so she can swat you away for an ego boost. She's full of herself/selfish and even if she doesn't know for a fact you're looking at her messages and profile she's still winning when you do. She'll know you didn't look when she hears about you doing things you always wanted to do or bumps into you and you're walking head high full of confidence, man.

Smoking? Lol.. I'll have to be quite frank here. Slowing down, having one here and there, pills, patches, dip, all of it DOES NOT WORK FOR ANYTHING. Use your pissed off or hurt emotions and thoughts to stave cravings. I've had maybe 5 cravings in a week and a half and they were so minor that I shrugged them off and just got busy doing something (dishes, laundry, etc). Make sure that if you replace a craving that you do it with something physical. I tried to talk to a friend in person or on the phone when I wanted one and it sucked because your mind is working but your body is bored. Quit straight up.. Smoke without counting how many you have left and when you go for another you'll realize there's no more and you'll just have to find something else to do. I never thought I would be able to walk away from them.. especially through all of this. I smoked 2 packs a day for the first 2 weeks then I just stopped thinking about smoking and eventually I forgot to buy a pack and ran out. Went to the store and thought about how pissed off she made me that day and didn't even remember to pick some up. Still have cravings but they hurt less then the break up so those cravings took a bench.

Lol.. Yeah fishing's awesome! Helps drown out some thoughts, but makes you wonder about others. It's a great way to let the thoughts flow and to concentrate on what they really mean and how to handle them.. if at all. Plus you get new pics to post and show off with lol. Who's going to believe yer depressed when holding a 120lb. Tarpon? Lol.

Try to rearrange your place too, dude. Like you said, when you wake up you feel depressed when everything appears the same but she's not there. Change the room and give yourself a new morning view. I personally have been on the couch since she left lol. I'm giving her this bed and buying a new one.

So tell us about this new chick! Lol

Its OK to write stuff to get it off your chest.
You may want to consider writing an angry one... hehehe!

But don't send it. No point.

Spend your thoughts & time on positive things. Not her.

You really do need something better to do, and something more important to think about, beside sitting, and mind stroking (substitute the "F" word) yourself.

Damn, bruh.. Don't send her ANYTHING. She's playin NC too but in her own f'd up way. She's baiting you then waiting for you to come grab it. Just like fishing, bruh. Most fish bite out of curiosity such as yours. "Looks good, smells good, man I want to find out what this is!". BAM.. You're gaffed. Don't type her name even. That's just self curiosity and she's still winning because she knows you'll look. Are you really going to head into a trap when you know it's there? You're better then this, bruh.. I've got my money down on you being stronger then her.

The friends route is an insult and a slap in the face. Get pissed. Use it to get you through a moment of relapse. F that. It's a trap in disguise. It's no different then talking to her about your feelings again because she knows eventually that'll be the topic of discussion and she can get her dose of ego boost out of you. If she says friends laugh at it to her and let her know it's a joke without saying it(assuming of course you're in a conversation with her) then carry on to another subject.

All she has is feelings, man. I know they suck, but she has nothing more. You turn away from her and don't look back and she'll be powerless. Just remember that she's counting on you coming back so she can swat you away for an ego boost. She's full of herself/selfish and even if she doesn't know for a fact you're looking at her messages and profile she's still winning when you do. She'll know you didn't look when she hears about you doing things you always wanted to do or bumps into you and you're walking head high full of confidence, man.

Smoking? lol.. I'll have to be quite frank here. Slowing down, having one here and there, pills, patches, dip, all of it DOES NOT WORK FOR ANYTHING. Use your pissed off or hurt emotions and thoughts to stave cravings. I've had maybe 5 cravings in a week and a half and they were so minor that I shrugged them off and just got busy doing something (dishes, laundry, etc). Make sure that if you replace a craving that you do it with something physical. I tried to talk to a friend in person or on the phone when I wanted one and it sucked because your mind is working but your body is bored. Quit straight up.. Smoke without counting how many you have left and when you go for another you'll realize there's no more and you'll just have to find something else to do. I never thought I would be able to walk away from them.. especially through all of this. I smoked 2 packs a day for the first 2 weeks then I just stopped thinking about smoking and eventually I forgot to buy a pack and ran out. Went to the store and thought about how pissed off she made me that day and didn't even remember to pick some up. Still have cravings but they hurt less then the break up so those cravings took a bench.

lol.. Yeah fishing's awesome! Helps drown out some thoughts, but makes you wonder about others. It's a great way to let the thoughts flow and to concentrate on what they really mean and how to handle them.. if at all. Plus you get new pics to post and show off with lol. Who's gonna believe yer depressed when holding a 120lb. Tarpon? lol.

Try to rearrange your place too, dude. Like you said, when you wake up you feel depressed when everything appears the same but she's not there. Change the room and give yourself a new morning view. I personally have been on the couch since she left lol. I'm giving her this bed and buying a new one.

So tell us about this new chick! lol

This is what I call an online pep talk... HA!
Now go out there and do something else. You are not going to be cured overnight... But you are far from indifferent yet. So, go to antarctica - at least in your mind - for a while and hang out with the penguins.

Brrrrrr... Cold.. but true. Even don a penguin suit if you have to.

Exactly. In your mind.

Something else.

OK, so I broke the NC... but before you all let me feel the wrath so to speak hear me out-i am not a wreck and quite fine with what transpired... even though it's not even close to what I thought.

So I sent her a text (this is about a week after any of her communication attempts) just saying "hey hows it goin". She responds by saying: "Good, i have been trying to get ahold of you, where have you been?".
So I explain that work has been keeping me busy and just haven't had any time for myself (a lie, but she doesn't need to know that). She than says "Oh ok, well i was wondering if you still had the red vaccuum and the big fan we had?"

So at this point I'm thinking to myself... are you serious? The FB message asking how work was, the missed phone call, the text asking if I'm to good to talk, all because you want a stupid vaccuum cleaner and a fan? So I say "Umm yea i still have them, kinda want to keep them lol" and she comes back with "lol k thought id ask lol".

So, if all of her attempts to reach me were solely for those things, haha well than she can p*ss right off. And if that isn't the case and she for some reason was just to afraid to say "hey i wanna know how you are doing" than she continues to show me her immaturity which for some reason I turn a blind eye to.

After her last text I didn't say anything back... mainly because I have nothing to say. I thought she was interested in at the very least touching base, but I guess not. Waste of time. There has been no contact since than.

I feel a lot more relieved than I did the past few days, I think mostly because now I KNOW what she was after, and it turned out to be a big waste of my past week worrying and stressing about it. I don't really feel confused, or heartbroken by this-which I guess is a sign of a bit of progress. I only feel guilt for making contact, but I think I handled it well and it could have gone a lot worse.

*gets ready to be heckled*

Vaccuum's suck.

vaccuum's suck.


the_original agrees : as well as fans!

No they don't, they BLOW! You're confused :D

Sorry couldn't resist. But seriously, you must be making progress, since you handled the contact well! :)

Trust me she had another rap waiting to confuse you if you hadn't been so cool :cool:

No need for guilt, as I am glad you showed yourself that you could handle YOURSELF!

Don't get a big head though.;)

No they don't, they BLOW! You're confused :D

Sorry couldn't resist. But seriously, you must be making progress, since you handled the contact well! :)

Trust me she had another rap waiting to confuse you if you hadn't been so cool :cool:

No need for guilt, as I am glad you showed yourself that you could handle YOURSELF!

Don't get a big head though.;)

Haha thanks tal... I like to think I played it cool lol. No emotions, no nothing. What do you mean another rap?

Yea the guilt is subsiding rather quickly. I don't feel like I have to restart no contact... it can pretty much just continue from here on out.

Haha and no I won't get a big head... I know where I stand. Just because I can handle a text doesn't mean I'm fully over anything... but I do see it as progress and I'm somewhat proud of myself that I just ignored her after her "requests" and I feel no need to pursue any further.

*starts to see a shimmering white light at the end of the tunnel*

Go for that light-enjoy your fan and your vacuumcleaner!

Don't worry about any future 'rap'-as you won't be responding to any more dumb messages,right?

Penguins brother. Penguins... :-)

I know it's hard not to look back though!

But at least take a peek forward and see what's there as much as you can. One day it will be clear...

She is as confused as anyone about her future. But it's not your problem. Lucky you.

Penguins brother. Penguins....:-)

I know it's hard not to look back though!

But at least take a peek forward and see what's there as much as you can. One day it will be clear...

She is as confused as anyone about her future. But it's not your problem. Lucky you.

Yea I think in this situation looking back (breaking NC) helped me out a lot. It put my mind at ease, and reassured me that this girls maturity level and what she wants out of life completely clashes with what I need and want right now. Meh. Whatever I guess.

Things get clearer every day, I am really enjoying my new job and the people I work with, and her future quite frankly sucks. That may sound mean, but as it stands right now, she doesn't have a whole lot going for her. She needs to put in a few years worth of work for that to change at all. So do I, but in 3 months I feel I have done a lot, and who knows-maybe 3 months from now ill be a member of the canadian forces... all while she works in a gas bar :D

Grats man! Glad to see you're doing well and things are looking up for you still!

Don't let me down.. lol..

Well... been a weird 2 weeks. First one was horrible... I took it upon myself to break NC (this would have been around April 24th) and according to her she's "soooooo happyyyyy"... so cool I guess. I haven't looked back since than though, and have stayed NC. I have also taken some small steps for myself recently. Had the army medical on the 29th which went well... all that's left is an interview which should happen this month, so I'm pretty excited for that. The new job is going well, really like my co workers, and some new girls have shown some interest... which is good for a confidence boost right now, nothing more.

I went to check the mail today... and boom the mailbox is still chock full of her stuff: insurance bills, visa bills, phone bills, cards, etc. We split up at the end of January and she has had her new place for over a month now... I went in to the post office and requested that they stopped putting her mail in there... I simply don't need the constant reminders of what "was". I have a feeling this will tick her off, but I cannot stress enough how I did not do it for that reason. Was it the wrong thing to do? I figured exes don't share mailboxes... and she has had ample time between living at her parents and her new place to take care of changing her address. So I think I did the right thing but I have a feeling it will come back on me...

Another thing, about 2 hours ago there's a knock on my door. Its her mom bringing me a philly cheesesteak sandwich from her work. (she knows its my favorite) Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the thought, but innapropriate no? Its nice to know she cares about me, but no matter how hard I try and fight it it stirs up so many emotions when I see her OR anyone from her family because we were so close.

Is it still normal to think about her everyday this late in the game?

That "soo happyyy" bs is very much a front, but I know it still stings a bit.. Women can be pretty damn cold..

Glad to see you sticking to NC though, dude! You have the space now to run with it which is what you wanted when you first posted.. That's good man!

Nah, I would have done it too.. Yours is yours. Her mail belongs in HER box.. No real difference between that and going to the p.o. to tell them you get your neighbors mail. If she reads into it then it's her issue. If brought up in an unavoidable situation just tell her you were getting important bills and documents that may be time urgent so you put the change in for her.. Simple. If you hadn't handled it now it'd of become a reason for her to break your NC.

Lol @ the ego boost girls.. Yeah.. they help!

I would continue with the being polite and brief, but if she keeps this up I would say something. Tell any of her friends or family that you appreciate the thought, but right now you need a little space to handle your business and make sure you let them know it's nothing personal. Most parents and family will understand.. specially if they liked you!

Everyone's different, man.. I've read/heard that it usually takes 2 months for every year to get all this out of yer head for the most part, but you'll always have a memory of her. She was a huge part of your life and heart for 3 years, so of course you're going to think of her. The only thing that you shouldn't do it think of the what-ifs and wondering about things. A thought is a thought, but wondering is digging around for something.

No one who truly cared or loved could walk away cleanly without hurt or thoughts(which is how I know her "happy" front crap is just that. Crap.). It's normal. It shows you're human. Just keep in your head that it's past. It's done. That memories are OK, but anything else is false hope and will cause pain.

You're doing great so far from what I've read. Keep it up, dude..

Keep everyone posted on the services thing! And, like you said to me, if you hit up one of those chicks for a date.. lol.. Well, never mind.. We've already learned from dating in the workplace lol.. Go get them, tiger..

well.....been a weird 2 weeks. first one was horrible...i took it upon myself to break NC (this would have been around april 24th) and according to her shes "soooooo happyyyyy"...so cool i guess. I haven't looked back since than though, and have stayed NC. I have also taken some small steps for myself recently. Had the army medical on the 29th which went well...all thats left is an interview which should happen this month, so im pretty excited for that. The new job is going well, really like my co workers, and some new girls have shown some interest...which is good for a confidence boost right now, nothing more.

I went to check the mail today...and boom the mailbox is still chock full of her stuff: insurance bills, visa bills, phone bills, cards, etc. We split up at the end of january and she has had her new place for over a month now....i went in to the post office and requested that they stopped putting her mail in there...i simply dont need the constant reminders of what "was". i have a feeling this will tick her off, but i cannot stress enough how i did not do it for that reason. was it the wrong thing to do? i figured exes dont share mailboxes...and she has had ample time between living at her parents and her new place to take care of changing her address. so i think i did the right thing but i have a feeling it will come back on me....

another thing, about 2 hours ago theres a knock on my door. Its her mom bringing me a philly cheesesteak sandwich from her work. (she knows its my favorite) Dont get me wrong, i really appreciate the thought, but innapropriate no? its nice to know she cares about me, but no matter how hard i try and fight it it stirs up so many emotions when i see her OR anyone from her family because we were so close.

Is it still normal to think about her everyday this late in the game?

1) mail is unavoidable - but you did the right thing to get separate
2) cheese steak is a nice meal. I doubt it will become a habit
3) it is NORMAL to still be thinking about her. Your emotions will go up and down. Good days and bad. But it WILL get easier... you are still getting your space.
4) I still am putting my money on you finding a girl you like even MORE than her in the coming year.

A

Original seems like a pretty killer dude..

I know he'll find someone WAY better..

Don't even worry, bruh..

Just get out there and talk and flirt with them.. You'll come across that one girl that makes the ex seem like a distant memory.. She exists somewhere in this world..

I did it dude!. I don't even believe my ex and I were right anymore! You can do it too, man! Those thoughts will soon be gone.

It's such a great feeling when you rid yourself of crap feelings and figure out that there's another girl out there that's everything she was and more.. The space in your brain it frees is incredible.

I really do hope your career ambitions work out for you, buddy.. I want to hear you come back with good news.. Nothing less lol..

Offer always stands on the women and beer here in Florida, bruh..

Hey guys,
Your support is very encouraging... thanks a lot guys feels good to know people out there think your at least a decent human being lol.

You know what ash, I bet your right. There a tons of great women just in this town alone who have tons going for them and are cute as well. I have realized we weren't right for each other, and I give her credit, because I really do think she tried to change herself the past few years, but she can't help who she is. Oh well, better now than later.

Still have some bad days,. but a lot more good ones. Sometimes she is not even the first thing on my mind when I wake up anymore-definetly improving!

Fisher I'm glad to hear your getting a lot better... go back and reread some of your old posts and see how far you have come man... its quite something. Good for you!

Haha I'm still waiting on that army interview, hope to find out this week what date that will be. Man if I ever make it to Florida most definitely... if you end up getting in to canada with your boys though might have to grab you a nice cold canadian beer... you know, the real stuff, haha.

How's your son doing these days? Still grabbin the chicks?

If you go 100% NC I will GUARANTEE by this time next year you will have already fallen for another. I hope she's got the goods... better know what you are looking for.

If you go 100% NC I will GUARANTEE by this time next year you will have already fallen for another. I hope she's got the goods...better know what you are looking for.



May 9'th, 2011 haha your on! I hope your right though :D

It will be hard at first but 100% (ZERO cheating... with family, friends, run ins, business, email, IM, Facebook, etc) and you will be laughing about this one day. Mark the date! You can leave a message for me one day!

A

All right, well things were going really well... I recently got promoted (already-only been a month) at my work because I have been doing so well, and I had a great long weekend with my friends, and than Sunday night she texts.

It only said "hey whats up long time no talk". Again kind of pointless (if you have been following this thread this one was much like her past msgs). I was OK with it initially, it didn't bother me the rest of the night like it used to. I haven't responded to it, as I truly am trying to stick to complete NC, but again I don't understand... it would be awesome if I can give a woman's input on this:

The last time I saw her in person, I asked her to not contact me whatsoever UNLESS she was considering trying again. This was almost 2 months ago. Since then I have received about 4-5 texts from her and 1 FB message, all just saying "hey whats up?" I made the foolish mistake of responding to one about a month ago, and little came of it. I want to know why she does this! Its like every 3 weeks she feels the urge to say "whats up" or check in, just when I don't think about her any more, she texts me and gives me a reason to again. I don't get what's to gain of these little "catch up" texts every few weeks? Do I make a point to respond and say "Stop" next time this happens? I actually had a dream last night and we were back together, hanging out in our apartment with a few of my friends, and having a good time. This has never ever happened.

Sorry if this reads like a jumbled mess, I feel like one right now though. I think I did the right thing not responding, but this can't keep happening. I can do without the constant reminders you know? Id also like some insight on maybe why she does this...

A text is the easiest way to get your attention, and keep you thinking about her. Keep ignoring it, and she will get the hint.

They didn't have texting, or cell phones in my day so I can't be sure, but find out how to block unwanted texts, and use it. Even if you have to change your number, it has to be better than being harassed, as she is just trying your patience, and knows eventually you will cave. DON'T!!

In a battle of wills, let her be frustrated by your silence. Don't make a big deal of it, or she still wins because your miserable. I would be annoyed, but firm in my stand.

I get what your saying tal... but even so what's the point in trying my patience? For the duration of the 2 months after we had broken up where we still worked together, this girl truly, genuinely, 100% seemed like she did not give two sh**s about me... so why does she need me "thinking about her"... like... im more angry and frustrated with it all than anything else, her actions make no sense, and contradict everything I asked for the last time we spoke in person. I just don't get it.

Please... why the little reminder texts to think about her? What does she gain? And what to do if this happens again... which after a certain period it most definitely will if history is any indicator.

My point, don't focus on what she does, pesky as it is. Focus on what you do.

You have obviously not dealt with unruly children.

Well amhd... its amazing what can change in 2 weeks. Where to start...

Her text messages never stopped, they just got more frequent. So, I asked her to stop. I was honest the whole way through. I explained to her I wasn't fully over her, and being friends would just do more damage to me and it wasn't worth it to me. She pushed for the friendship, but I stayed strong and said no. this happened around the beginning of June, and she seems to have stopped... so that's a plus. And the big news... I got accepted to the canadian forces today! I can't even describe how amazing that feeling felt, and knowing it wouldn't have happened if I was still with her. All my debts got cleared up thanks to a family member, I now have a clean slate for my drivers license and I can now rebuild my credit. Couple that with being accepted to the forces and my life is finally taking shape and looking brighter than ever. I owe a lot of my emotional strength to the fellow posters here at AMHD... I don't know that I would have made it without the words of encouragement and constant support. Add me to the success list!

I read your post with interest,excellent news on your turn around,I wish you the best of luck in the future,if for whatever reason she texts again, you no what to do.. NO CONTACT!

Keep a cool head and you'll win the day.

Thank you... the future definitely looks bright

Sorry for very late reply-all the best and take good care of yourself.:-)