OK me and my boyfriend have only been together for about 5 months.. I'm not sure that I love him I just know that this is something I'm trying to make work. The other day he told me that he loved... having sex with me... that's it. I didn't expect him to pop out and say that he loved me or anything but damn.. is that the only thing you love about me? What is a big factor is that he keeps saying it.. and I wonder if that's his way of telling me he loves me since he KEEPS saying it.. we haven't had sex in about two weeks and he hasn't tried to jump on me or anything- if he wants sex, he knows exactly what to do to make me want it too.. so why does he keep saying this as if it's a good thing or something? I know it sounds silly but I'm beginning to get offended about it.

Huh,

Lol what is it that is so hard to understand? He says he loves having sex with me. He never says he loves my eyes or my smile but is always saying he loves having sex with me.. sorry I didn't make it ckear. I was asking what I should do about it. Should I confront him about it, let it go, or leave him? Do you think because he says this that he is only with me for the sex?

First of all your post was all over the place. Hard to make sense of it in my own opinion, that is where the huh came from.

Second, it is only 5 months not much time to get to know someone. It sounds like casual dating, casual sex to me but that is not just him, that is you too.

Third, You talk about the little piece, well too big, too small or whatever the shape or size it is not that, it should be about the way it is used. About not lasting long, sex takes practice. Lasting longer takes practice too but if you truly not worried about the sex you would not have mentioned it.

Then what gets even more confusing is that you think he is in it only for the sex but then you comment about how he has not tried to jump you for two weeks. Sounds like your disappointed.

If your not really talking about your feelings or how you two are getting along in many different ways sounds to me that your both just in it for sex, whether you see it that way or not and that if you do not think it will last and your not talking with each other right now.

What is the point of continuing? Also him talking about how good sex is maybe is a way of boosting your confidence or his self confidence issues because sounds like you both have issues.

It does not matter what I think... Although since you asked for some thoughts those are mine. All over the place but eh, hope it serves a purpose.

1) talk and communicate with each other.
2) enjoy each other company.
3) he says he loves you but your not sure.
4) it has only been 5 months and sounds like you both are concentrated on the sex only.
5) only way to learn about each other is by spending time with each other.
6) 2 weeks of no sex does not sound like he is just not in it for sex.
7) if you do not have any feelings for him and you do not want to give it more time. Do not ask us permission to dump him. If that is what you think you want to do.

Goodluck.

Maybe you are right.. I am more frustrated than usual about this than I am with other things that is probably why I couldn't contain all my feelings about other things..

Maybe he just truly does love having sex with you and he enjoys it. What's wrong with that? He's complimenting you on being good in bed! Anyway, 5 months isn't that long of a time. Get to know each other BEYOND the bedroom.

Thanks.. maybe I'm just reading too much into it..

So you are having sex with a man you don't love, and wonder why he does not love you, or wonder why he is not wanting sex all the time.

Why does he have to always have to be the one to ask ?

It appears you are both merely using each other in a non love relationship for sex,

I believe it to be a relationship in some wacky way. Sex is not the only thing we do together. But you are right.. I do not love him.. the sex is not all that great so I don't think that I'm using him for that.. honestly I don't know why we are together

Guys like to do something for themselves. I mean it feels good to have an orgasm and the point of sex is well... to achieve orgasm. I mean if he is not doing it to please you then he is only doing it for himself. And he is complimenting you on your bed skills by saying he loves your moves and sex. And if you don't know why you guys are together besides the physical attraction try doing something that is not sexual and go and do something that you guys both enjoy to prove to yourself the sex is just not that important. Just another thing he will 'love' doing with you may be swimming or going to see movies.

thanks.. we do other things. We hang out, watch movies, cook together etc I don't know why but I can't help being offended because he says it so much even when we are doing the most random things - like ordering fast food..

thanx.. we do other things. we hang out,, watch movies,, cook together etc i dont know why but i can't help being offended because he says it so much even when we are doing the most random things - like ordering fast food..

Have you ever watched The Princess Bride? Instead of saying 'I love you', Wesley says, 'As you wish.' I bring that up because sometimes what is said isn't what is meant. The only way you will ever know what is meant is to sit down and talk with him about what is going on.

People who have sex together should be able to discuss the relationship. If you can't ask him about his choice of words and why he says the phrase so much, then you aren't going to be able to talk to him about any possible consequences of having sex (i.e.: pregnancy, infections, etc.)

Be honest with yourself. Why do you think you are in the relationship? Why do you think you are getting 'offended'? Do think that on some level you do want more than to be friends with benefits or do you want him to see you as more even if you don't share those feelings?

He said he loves having sex with you... it has nothing at all to do with him loving you at all. At this point anyway. At least he was being honest. Will he ever love you? Nobody can answer that but him.

But I don't recommend holding your breath waiting to hear it.

I don't want to be friends with benefits at all.. this much I know telling by the way I am right now.. I think I'll call it infatuation.. but thanks cat1864. I love that movie and I think all I needed was the right analogy to make it make sense for me.. I guess its time that we finally talk about it

i guess its time that we finally talk about it

Seems that way... better than pretense, assumptions, and confusion.

I have to say I strongly disagree with having sex with someone that you are not at all interested in falling in love with. There is just no point to the relationship in my opinion because I was raised to believe that sex was sacred and that you date to eventaully marry.
Ewww must be the christain in me talking but its engrained into my brain and now it's a moral of mine.
Enough about me though, I guess if you like the way the relationship is then keep it that way. Its just not my cup of tea

Its not that I am not at all interested in falling in love with him.. because I am.. I just have not felt that it has just yet.. and I didn't post this to be chastised about what I do or do not believe in.. I posted for a outside perspective for more insight on a personal situation...

I did not chastise you. In fact all I did was say what I believed in and that is what advice is. What you believe you would do in the same situation or how you would feel in the same situation. And as far as an outside perspective here is one, talk to him and tell him that his saying I love having sex with you makes you feel like a piece of meat and you don't like it. I guess.

You did.. nothing in your first post was advice.. you merely stated your point of view.. you don't believe in it, you don't see the point, and its not your cup of tea.. the only thing that can even be considered as advice was sarcastic.. if I liked the way the relationship was going then maybe I should keep it that way.. I am happy with my relationship for the most part.. I'm just not entirely happy because if I was then I wouldn't be asking advice now would I..

Have you ASKED him what he means by it?

Had a discussion about how it makes you feel?

No?

Then that's where you start.

I FIRMLY believe (and yup--this is just my "opinion") that if you can't talk about sex with someone, then you shouldn't be HAVING sex with that person.

m!sz89

A piece of advice... sometimes hearing different perspectives means hearing uncomfortable things, sometimes said without soft words or rounded edges.

Personally, I trust I know the person who puts me to the wall more than the one who tries to handle me with soft gloves... so... we know you wouldn't be posting without some interest in changing your situation, and we wouldn't be posting without a sincere desire to talk things out... even if that isn't always in a way you'd most want to hear.

Not uncommon for me to talk about my experiences and my beliefs when I answer questions that sometimes could be answered factually. When a poster tells you about their beliefs and how that shapes their answer, its usually less about converting you and more about letting you know where they come from.

I think that's not a bad thing.

if my lover kept saying "i love having sex with you"... at the most random moments, id first be flattered... then id be curious if it was a call for more... and if it persisted id wonder if it was some ego massaging that was getting a little out of control...

maybe he's looking for you to answer in kind... maybe he is wondering if you love having sex with him... whether you are as satisfied as he is? You've given your answer (not really) but he might be searching for a sign of how much you enjoy it... or looking for things that you might need or want that you aren't getting?

I appreciate your honesty because I was a tad offended by the religious comment on his perspective.. but on a softer note, am I supposed to tell him I love his sex in return if that's what he is looking for? Or should I just.. I don't know.. in the last line you said things that I might need or want.. I couldn't even put it in to words because I'm not completely sure that I even know

I don't think you are "supposed" to tell him anything you don't want to, and certainly its not good to tell him anything you don't believe...

The sex isn't all you want it to be. I don't know why. Don't know if he just doesn't engage you... if you have needs he just is not taking care to tend... or what...

But if he's putting that out there, maybe he is looking for where your mind is concerning sex.

So... if you aren't thrilled and he is maybe testing the water... talk to him about it. When I said "what you might need and want"... that was referring specifically to in the bedroom. Not that its not good to talk about any needs or wants you have in the relationship... was just addressing the topic o' sex.

If you aren't sure about what you want concerning sex... well, we can talk about it... what seems right and what seems off... but if you don't know what you need, he sure as hell isn't going to either most likely.

Don't know that you'd want to talk about this right after he's gushed and glowed about being happy with you in bed... but if he is too offended or unwilling to talk about your needs... I don't know what to say. I'm just not wired like that. Thank god for fearless women who demand their needs are met and are willing to openly talk about it and work through it... things might not always go as one wishes... but you've a better chance at it when you aren't relying on extra sensory perception and idiot guy intuition.

I get to say that cause I'm a guy with idiot guy intuition. It can be overridden.