passmeby
Mar 18, 2010, 01:22 PM
Not sure if this is the best place for this question... but anyway... My husband has a problem with shopping! I've had it with this and I need help to help him stop!
We have a relatively low income. Basically enough to cover the bills plus just a little extra sometimes. I want to save. He isn't happy until he has wiped every cent out. And then some sometimes.
He has no concept of saving, of working towards a goal financially, of waiting until something can be afforded. He grew up with these habits in his family... getting everything on credit, pay later and shop, shop, shop. Get every "new" thing that comes along.
He just can't comprehend that WE CAN'T AFFORD IT!! And he can't save money. He just thinks that anything we need we can just get on credit, there's no sense in saving as far as he's concerned. He doesn't understand how much this costs! And he doesn't think about emergency situations. Or what if he can't get the credit.
He also spends so much money on junk. He can't understand how much this stuff adds up. What I mean is, for example when we grocery shop-he'll pick up random things that cost around a few dollars. It's junk! Stuff that basically ends up in the trash within a few days or so. But $4 here and $2 here adds up big time! I've tried and tried to get him to understand. I've done this: Every time he picks up some junk item, I say "take that $3 and put it in a jar" every time. So we tried this. BUT... he seems to think that once there's a bit of money in the jar, that he gets to spend it on a more expensive piece of junk (as if it's a "reward" or something! )... NOT keep saving or put it in a savings account, but SPEND it! When I tell him to put the junk items back, he'll say things like "I worked for the money, why can't I spend it on things I want?" and so on. I try and try to eplain it. I even remind him of all the junk he's bought that has been thrown out within days of buying it. It just WON'T sink in! I tell him he might as well throw the few dollars directly in the trash and save a step! It doesn't register. The addiction to buying and opening stuff is too strong.
I think he has a shopping addiction. Not only just a shopping addiction, but an addiction to opening packages. It's weird to me, I don't see what is so exciting about opening a box or package. If only you could see him when he opens a package, it's really sick. He'll want to open other people's packages. He'll make every excuse in the book to open a box/package/item that's not even his. Once an item is bought and the package is opened, it's like "more, please". No satisfaction. Just that momentary satisfaction when buying and opening the item.
He has this idea in his head as if he gets rewarded (by being able to buy something) for every little thing! This is just NOT how life works!
I'm just fed up with this, I've tried things and nothing I've tried gets through his head. One main problem also, is the thing I mentioned where he thinks that any progress made in saving money means he gets to spend the money as if it's a reward. He just can't leave money in the bank. Simply CAN'T.
He has a video game habit that costs a fortune. But he thinks that because he has a job, that he deserves to be able to get whatever video game stuff he wants a s a reward. You don't necessarily get a "reward" for going to work, that's just silly to think so. Grown people shouldn't expect a pat on the back and a reward for doing what they're supposed to do! And no one deserves anything that they can't afford.
As far as I'm concerned, credit is not an option. It's expensive and we can't afford another bill. I'd much rather deal with what we have and can afford than to have yet another bill to have to pay. But he's quick to jump on any credit offer he can get. The way it is, we don't NEED anything. We have everything we need. Certianly we could use a nicer car and some other things, but we have our NEEDS met as it is.
Another problem is, I don't drive pretty much anymore so he almost always has to come with me when I shop. Unfortunately!
The only thing I could think of to do is to save money behind his back, which I had started a while back. But for our family's sake, I need him to change his habits. I don't want our kids to think this is OK. And I might not always be here to take care of everything. If I didn't take care of the bills, I'd hate to think what would happen! And he's going to find out about the money I've been saving some time or another, because the day will come that I'll need or want to use the money and he'll wonder where it came from! That might teach him a lesson, but it could be years before this will happen.
Any ideas?
We have a relatively low income. Basically enough to cover the bills plus just a little extra sometimes. I want to save. He isn't happy until he has wiped every cent out. And then some sometimes.
He has no concept of saving, of working towards a goal financially, of waiting until something can be afforded. He grew up with these habits in his family... getting everything on credit, pay later and shop, shop, shop. Get every "new" thing that comes along.
He just can't comprehend that WE CAN'T AFFORD IT!! And he can't save money. He just thinks that anything we need we can just get on credit, there's no sense in saving as far as he's concerned. He doesn't understand how much this costs! And he doesn't think about emergency situations. Or what if he can't get the credit.
He also spends so much money on junk. He can't understand how much this stuff adds up. What I mean is, for example when we grocery shop-he'll pick up random things that cost around a few dollars. It's junk! Stuff that basically ends up in the trash within a few days or so. But $4 here and $2 here adds up big time! I've tried and tried to get him to understand. I've done this: Every time he picks up some junk item, I say "take that $3 and put it in a jar" every time. So we tried this. BUT... he seems to think that once there's a bit of money in the jar, that he gets to spend it on a more expensive piece of junk (as if it's a "reward" or something! )... NOT keep saving or put it in a savings account, but SPEND it! When I tell him to put the junk items back, he'll say things like "I worked for the money, why can't I spend it on things I want?" and so on. I try and try to eplain it. I even remind him of all the junk he's bought that has been thrown out within days of buying it. It just WON'T sink in! I tell him he might as well throw the few dollars directly in the trash and save a step! It doesn't register. The addiction to buying and opening stuff is too strong.
I think he has a shopping addiction. Not only just a shopping addiction, but an addiction to opening packages. It's weird to me, I don't see what is so exciting about opening a box or package. If only you could see him when he opens a package, it's really sick. He'll want to open other people's packages. He'll make every excuse in the book to open a box/package/item that's not even his. Once an item is bought and the package is opened, it's like "more, please". No satisfaction. Just that momentary satisfaction when buying and opening the item.
He has this idea in his head as if he gets rewarded (by being able to buy something) for every little thing! This is just NOT how life works!
I'm just fed up with this, I've tried things and nothing I've tried gets through his head. One main problem also, is the thing I mentioned where he thinks that any progress made in saving money means he gets to spend the money as if it's a reward. He just can't leave money in the bank. Simply CAN'T.
He has a video game habit that costs a fortune. But he thinks that because he has a job, that he deserves to be able to get whatever video game stuff he wants a s a reward. You don't necessarily get a "reward" for going to work, that's just silly to think so. Grown people shouldn't expect a pat on the back and a reward for doing what they're supposed to do! And no one deserves anything that they can't afford.
As far as I'm concerned, credit is not an option. It's expensive and we can't afford another bill. I'd much rather deal with what we have and can afford than to have yet another bill to have to pay. But he's quick to jump on any credit offer he can get. The way it is, we don't NEED anything. We have everything we need. Certianly we could use a nicer car and some other things, but we have our NEEDS met as it is.
Another problem is, I don't drive pretty much anymore so he almost always has to come with me when I shop. Unfortunately!
The only thing I could think of to do is to save money behind his back, which I had started a while back. But for our family's sake, I need him to change his habits. I don't want our kids to think this is OK. And I might not always be here to take care of everything. If I didn't take care of the bills, I'd hate to think what would happen! And he's going to find out about the money I've been saving some time or another, because the day will come that I'll need or want to use the money and he'll wonder where it came from! That might teach him a lesson, but it could be years before this will happen.
Any ideas?