Hello everyone,

I need some advice please.

Here's the background of us:

Last Friday: I went on a date with a guy. He took me out to dinner and after we played billiards and watched a movie.

Saturday: he invited me over to his house, he cooked me a great dinner and we watched a movie.

Sunday: he was busy, but he texted me all day and called me a few times.

Monday: he invited me over to go swimming in his apartment and cooked me dinner. He lives quite far from me, so I decided to spend the night. Which he asked me to be his girlfriend, it was so random and I felt like I was put on the spot so I just said OK ( I KNOW GUYS BAD IDEA but I was nervous)

Tuesday: we went swimming again and he took me out for dinner again and after we went to a concert, where he paid for my ticket and drinks all night. ( which is pretty expensive, I did offer to pay but he wouldn't let me)

As you can see he is a really great guy, he has a great heart, and he is a gentleman. He has told me numerous times how he is so glad to have met me because he's had a hard time meeting anyone in this city, who has a good heart (he just moved here). He also said a lot of women have broken his heart.

I really want to just be his friend, I don't have a connection with him, more than a friend would. But I see love in his eyes, I feel bad to hurt him, I don't even know what to say to him. He told me today, how he missed me so much and he can't wait to see me and he wants to hangout tonight again and Friday and Saturday and he wants to meet my parents (also me meet his) and go on vacations with me.
I really don't want to be that serious with anyone, also I don't have those feelings for him, I think I've led him on too much, but I have never broken up with someone. Also he is such a great guy, just not for me...


How do I not make him hurt?? He is always mauling me saying I'm so great and hugging me and uhhh its moved to fast. We just went on our first date on Friday.


What should I tell him??


Thank you for reading.

You are going to hurt him more by continuing to lie about your feelings towards him.

The best policy is honesty. Tell him what you said here and say he's a great guy and would like to hang out once in a while as friends.

I hope we could hangout as friends. I feel so bad because he has paid a lot of things for me and he's so nice. I really wish I had a connection with him because he would be the perfect boyfriend.

You wish you had a connection with him but the fact is, you don't.

Please be honest with him, by continuing to lie about your feelings you're going to hurt him more in the long run. If he's as great as you say he is, he'll be hurt obviously, but he'll appreciate the honesty.

You'll have a much better chance at remaining friends if you can be true about your feelings.

Tell him the truth. Its going to hurt him either way as it seems he has fallen for you. He'll get over it. I would do it sooner rather than later though.

Well, if he is the perfect boyfriend, you wouldn't have posted here.

Don't worry about his feelings, tell him the truth. Tell him what you told us; that he's mauling you with hugs and smothering you, and you haven't even been dating for a week, and that it's just ridiculous.

It's nice your considering his feelings, but you'd be understating his intelligence by going easy on him. He'll know why you're breaking up with him but may not admit it to himself right away. He'll probably thank you down the road for being so honest with him.

And drop the friends idea, it's too complicated and doesn't work in real life. Just stick to NC.

Thank you everyone. I have another question, he lives pretty far I was wondering if I should do this over the phone? I won't be seeing him till Friday and it will be at a friend's birthday party. We aren't able to meet up until then anyway and I don't want to ruin the party.

Ya, do it over the phone. The quicker the better.

Phone break-ups are only bad if it's someone you've been seriously dating for a while.

I just read your last post about you breaking up with your BF of 3 years. Perhaps you are just not ready for a relationship as the last one was less than a month before you met this fellow. Maybe you could tell him that you aren't ready to date and you just want to be friends. Just be honest and I agree with Slapshot. It hasn't been a long relationship so the phone call should be appropriate

I just read your last post about you breaking up with your BF of 3 years. Perhaps you are just not ready for a relationship as the last one was less than a month before you met this fellow. Maybe you could tell him that you arent ready to date and you just want to be friends. Just be honest and I agree with Slapshot. It hasnt been a long relationship so the phone call should be appropriate

I have been in relationship's since I was 16 (now 20). I really want to focus on my career. I actually told him that before our first date. But I guess he really likes me. I feel bad hurting people cause I'd rather help people and make them happy, than hurt them. :( I guess I just got to do it.

Don't feel bad for being incompatible, you can't help that. I admire you for doing the right thing though because the longer it drags out, the worse he will feel. Better to take care of things now, yahh'meean?

I have been in relationship's since I was 16 (now 20). I really want to focus on my career. I actually told him that before our first date. But I guess he really likes me. I feel bad hurting people cause I'd rather help people and make them happy, than hurt them. :( I guess I just gotta do it.
I thought this guy was a rebound, this is how they all start.

It sucks to be him, and it sucks to be you, but not as much as it sucks to be him. I've done it, we all have, but once you break up with him you'll forget all about it.

I feel like he is obsessed with me, he just got off work and he's already text messaging me. Every free minute of his time in the last week he is contacting me. I want to wait till tomorrow to do it because I have to study all night, I don't want to deal with the drama of this. Should I just ignore him for tonight?

Also I just saw him less than 12 hours ago, so I don't want him to be like why didn't you do this in person? Or something.

It's only been a week!

Almost seems like you are just coming up with excuses now.

I think you tell him the truth now so he can deal with it NOW, before he gets to making lofty plans.

Call him NOW, and no more excuses. Be good for you both, instead of dragging it out.

I just called him to breakup with him and he has a bunch of friends over for the night. So I'll have to wait till tomorrow. Also he did a bunch of research for me because I have a lot of stomach problems and his dad is a doctor so he was telling me all this stuff he talked to his dad about for me. I feel guilty now to do this. Uhhhh I just wanted to do it but I can't when all his friends are there.

I just did it, he was in shock, cried. He told me how so many women have done this to him. He says I was an amazing girl and he doesn't want to lose me. He still wants me to go to his friend's birthday party this weekend. I told him I just want to be friends. He insists I still go. I don't know if it's a good idea?? What do you guys think? I have never tried to be friends with an ex. I don't know how it works and stuff.

He is not ready to be a friend, he just got dumped. No I think you skip HIS friends birthday.

Hello Chickie,

Tell him the truth! That you don't feel that way about him. He does seem like a nice guy, however, he is moving very quickly!

He's going to be hurt regardless, dragging it outwould only make it worse for him.

Telling him the truth is the best thing you can do...

I wish you luck.

He is not ready to be a friend, he just got dumped. No I think you skip HIS friends birthday.

What is an acceptable amount of time to pass before a friendship could start?

Leave him alone to get over your breaking up with him.

Concentrate on you and your studies and forget about a friendship for the moment,if it happens later,it happens.

I've been here and it didn't end well.

I met a guy in a bar, gave him my phone number, just to hang out. The next day he ended up at my house.

I wasn't looking for a serious relationship then, I just wanted to have fun. I told him that from minute one.

Well he starts to wine me and dine me, buy me gifts and then starts introducing me as his girl friend. What? When did that happen?

Every time I worked up the courage to tell him I wasn't interested in him that way, he'd take me out somewhere or buy me something and I'd feel guilty. He really was a nice guy.

So we ended up dating for 2 years. I cheated on him left right and center (Hey, I was a teen!) and finally he found out. He broke up with me. I was so relieved.

Then, after a few months, he called me up, "let's be friends". I agreed.

We decided to go out for dinner one night. After dinner he said that his parents had rented a hotel room and were having a party, he wanted to stop by. I said okay.

There were no friends at the hotel. He had rented it for us. He wanted to rekindle our relationship. When I said no he told me that he'd spent a lot of money on the room, on the champagne, on the chocolate covered strawberries and a gift (a necklace) that he had bought for me.

Pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip. I slept with him and agreed to try again because I felt bad.

This time it didn't take long for me to come to my senses and realize that if I didn't break it off for good I'd probably end up marrying him out of guilt because he rented the haul, bought the rings and booked the honeymoon. ;)

Get out now. Trust me on this one.

I just did it, he was in shock, cried. He told me how so many women have done this to him. He says I was an amazing girl and he doesn't want to lose me. He still wants me to go to his friend's birthday party this weekend. I told him I just want to be friends. He insists I still go. I don't know if its a good idea??? What do you guys think? I have never tried to be friends with an ex. I don't know how it works and stuff.
Job done! And it's a bad idea to go to his party.



What is an acceptable amount of time to pass before a friendship could start?

Forget about being friends with him, he fell in love with you in five days for cryin' out loud. Just ignore him from here on out, don't say a word. Anything you say, even if you think it's harmless, will upset him.

I was this guy a year or two ago, I got the text-message break-up after two months and I haven't spoken to her since. I really liked her and I had reservations all along that I was a rebound. The point being, it was much easier to move on by not talking to her. We're not friends and never will be and last I checked she got married, so that's that.

I feel really guilty today. He is a great guy and he has a great heart. He thinks something is wrong with him, and he's really insecure about depressed. I think breaking up with someone is just as hard as getting broken up with.

I saw on his face book he's posting things like, why can't I be an @$$hole like other guys. And stuff.. I feel bad poor guy :(

You have a pretty good heart, so don't feel guilty for doing the right thing. Sometimes it ain't easy, but it's the right thing to do.

I feel really guilty today. He is a great guy and he has a great heart. He thinks something is wrong with him, and he's really insecure about depressed. I think breaking up with someone is just as hard as getting broken up with.

I saw on his face book he's posting things like, why can't i be an @$$hole like other guys. and stuff.. I feel bad poor guy :(

It would have been worse if you led him on for months and then finally broke it off. At least this way he didn't have as much invested in your relationship.

He sounds a bit needy and he really does rush things. He sounds desperate for love, not a good thing.

You did the right thing so don't feel bad. I know it's easier said then done, I always hated having to break up with someone. I sucked at it, would keep putting it off. You really did him a favor. :)