I don't even know where to start. Everything in my life is so messed up. I don't know why everything is the way it is. I always try to make things better, but they never get better. I've lost faith in everything I held to be true and right. No one talks to me anymore. I pray all the time for help, but God never helps.
I've been out of work for so long. Every day I try harder and harder to get a job, but it never happens. My on and off girlfriend ignores me. I know she doesn't love me anymore. She blames me for everything that went wrong between us. I've tried to let go of her many times, then she'll come back after I tried moving on to get me back, and I go back but she treats me bad again. Im so weak when it comes to her. I have four kids that I hardly ever see. Nothing ever seems to go right.
I just don't understand why everything is such a mess and no matter how hard I try, it never gets better. Why? I think Im a smart, attractive, good hearted guy. I can't seem to get my life started again. Everything gets worse and worse and Im always depressed, I have no one to turn to. Im always so lonely anymore. I just don't understand anything anymore.

I am no expert on this, but I have been depressed and I know how it feels. I started getting over it by going to a bible based church. I know God answers prayers, even though sometimes its not the answer you are looking for. Surrounding yourself with positive people is a great way to get your mind right too. No matter what don't give up!! You may not feel it, but youhave people that care about you in your life, I don't even know youand I care about you!I am praying for you and I know you will find peace if you just trust God.

I am no expert on this, but I have been depressed and I know how it feels. I started getting over it by going to a bible based church. I know God answers prayers, even though sometimes its not the answer you are looking for. Surrounding yourself with positive people is a great way to get your mind right too. No matter what dont give up!!!You may not feel it, but youhave people that care about you in your life, I dont even know youand i care about you!I am praying for you and I know you will find peace if you just trust God.

Thank you. It's nice to hear someone cares. I try to tell myself that God is leading me to something better, but it gets so hard to believe it when nothing ever seems to get better. I try so hard to be positive, but it gets harder all the time, more and more. My on and off girlfriend blames me so much that I start thinking I actually am to blame, but I just don't know what for. She just doesn't seem like she cares at all. I've lost so many friends because of her. She used to complain that I would talk to them instead of her, but when I would push them aside and try to confide in her, she would just make me feel worse like what I felt means nothing. I know she is no good for me, but I don't feel like I can let go of her and I don't know why. I think my esteem has been so shattered. I feel so broken.

Have heart young guy, its rough, but you do have options. When work is scarce and hard to find, it's a perfect time to return to school and get qualified, and certified at a skill or trade, in something that has a future, like health care or mechanics, or plumbing. Its an endless list of where good paying jobs are going to be. Accomplishment, especially during tough times will get the confidence going.

I don't know where you are, but look around at not only online classes, but those offering financial assistance, and/or placement services for graduates. Never know, you might even enjoy the time you spend learning something new, or something you like.

Once your career and life has direction, anything is possible, even seeing your kids.

But you have to take the first step, and check it out. How old are you? What did you do before?

Pray for God's guidance... Remember when the disiples even doubted that Christ would rise again? Well he did! We all have doubts and fears and sometimes we feel like we're alone. We aren't. You aren't. The Bible says , 'Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me'... Please keep posting here. You have friends who will try to help you. God Bless You:)

Have heart young guy, its rough, but you do have options. When work is scarce and hard to find, its a perfect time to return to school and get qualified, and certified at a skill or trade, in something that has a future, like health care or mechanics, or plumbing. Its an endless list of where good paying jobs are going to be. Accomplishment, especially during tough times will get the confidence going.

I don't know where you are, but look around at not only online classes, but those offering financial assistance, and/or placement services for graduates. Never know, you might even enjoy the time you spend learning something new, or something you like.

Once your career and life has direction, anything is possible, even seeing your kids.

But you have to take the first step, and check it out. How old are you? What did you do before?


I'm 39 years old. And I was a master carpenter. There are so many like me that are also out of work, and there are so few job offers. I struggle everyday trying to get another job, no matter what it is. I call them periodically to keep showing my interest, but nothing happens.

Pray for God's guidance...Remember when the disiples even doubted that Christ would rise again? Well he did! We all have doubts and fears and sometimes we feel like we're alone. We aren't. You aren't. The Bible says , 'Let not your heart be troubled; ye beleive in God, beleive also in me'...Please keep posting here. You have friends who will try to help you. God Bless You:)

Thank you, and bless you too.
I pray all the time. Im still holding faith that God is liostening and hopefully already working out his plan to fix things. Sometimes I wonder if these trials of perserverence are to make me a stronger and better person than I was before, or if they are a punishment.

Thank you, and bless you too.
I pray all the time. Im still holding faith that God is liostening and hopefully already working out his plan to fix things. Sometimes I wonder if these trials of perserverence are to make me a stronger and better person than I was before, or if they are a punishment.


God never puts anything in our path that doesn't make us stronger! Read his word and thank him for your wonderful children. He will guide you. He loves us just as we love our children. Blessings:):)

Can you give a general location?

You are in my prayers!

Can you give a general location?

Pennsylvania


You are in my prayers!

Thank you so much, I appreciate that with all sincerity. And God bless you for your caring and compassion.

Dude just do some homework on Google, start with trade schools. Or anything you THINK you might like, and see if I am right about the many options you may have. I can attest that being out of work in one field, should not stop you from exploring other fields, whether related, or not.

Check it out as, if ex cons, and ex dope fiends, can rise above their situation, so can you.

Let me know, what you find, and if you need assistance.

Dude just do some homework on google, start with trade schools. or anything you THINK you might like, and see if I am right about the many options you may have. I can attest that being out of work in one field, should not stop you from exploring other fields, whether related, or not.

Check it out as, if ex cons, and ex dope fiends, can rise above their situation, so can you.

Let me know, what you find, and if you need assistance.

I will, and thank you very much for the advice.

Sometimes, when you ask God the things that you want, He will give you what you need. You want a job, but we never know, He might give you a business that will make you richer than Bill Gates. Come on, you're not even being positive. Let God guide in your path to conquer all the obstacles that life has to offer. I have been in your shoes before. When all things seems to fail, God intervened and now, I am better than any other woman in this world."just kidding". All I want to say is if you think that you have done everything to make things positive, how about try to take it easy. Sometimes, we people are so focused on solving a small problem that we don't realized it became big because of the way we try to solve it. God is always with us. Even if you're an agnostic, atheist or with different religion. We just have to BELIEVE. God bless you man.

sometimes, when you ask God the things that you want, He will give you what you need. You want a job, but we never know, He might give you a business that will make you richer than Bill Gates. Come on, you're not even being positive. Let God guide in your path to conquer all the obstacles that life has to offer. i have been in your shoes before. When all things seems to fail, God intervened and now, I am better than any other woman in this world."just kidding". All I wanna say is if you think that you have done everything to make things positive, how about try to take it easy. Sometimes, we people are so focused on solving a small problem that we don't realized it became big because of the way we try to solve it. God is always with us. Even if you're an agnostic, atheist or with different religion. We just have to BELIEVE. God bless you man.

Thank you. I am trying to stay positive as best as I can, but it gets so hard at times. It's so nice to have so many people here to talk to and people that care. I hope Im not coming off as a big baby about all this. It's just that it's been going on for so long.

Thank you. I am trying to stay positive as best as I can, but it gets so hard at times. It's so nice to have so many people here to talk to and people that care. I hope Im not coming off as a big baby about all this. It's just that it's been going on for so long.

Naahhhh... we both are babies when it comes to problems.. I used to cry a lot and attempted suicide.heheheh..


And, take one problem at a time. You stated that you were having troubles with your girlfriend as well right? You might want to focus first on getting a job and once established, talk to your girlfriend heart to heart. You can't serve two masters at a time so focus on one thing and once done, move to the other.

naahhhh...we both are babies when it comes to problems..i used to cry a lot and attempted suicide.heheheh..

Gosh, I hope not! You know, I actually thought about that a few times.

Gosh, I hope not! You know, I actually thought about that a few times.

Suicide is a big NO NO! By the way, you can find a lot of jobs in the internet. If you're an internet savvy, you can start you own video blog. A lot of my friends are earning because of advertisements on their blog and such.. im not really sure about it but you can try it though. Right now, I am looking for an online work such as customer service rep.im just being positive.. hehe

suicide is a big NO NO! by the way, you can find a lot of jobs in the internet. If your an internet savvy, you can start you own video blog. a lot of my friends are earning because of advertisements on their blog and such..im not really sure about it but you can try it though. right now, i am looking for an online work such as customer service rep.im just being positive..hehe

Im not very good with the internet to that extreme. But I wish you the best of luck with it. Keep up being positive. I will too. Thanks.

You are in the best hands in the world and that is God's hands. Doesn't that give you a sense of peace? Everything will be all right! Bless you!

To prevent hijacking another's thread, your post has been moved.


so the next question to answer is why did you give it (self-esteem) away...

that's not a judgment. lord knows most of us have done it, and still do it whether in big chunks or small increments...

but feeling better because she was feeling crappy so she made you feel crappy so she could feel better is more than a bit twisted.

and oh so human.

next trick... stop basing your self esteem on what others say or do... or even what you feel. start basing your self worth on your beliefs and your actions. find the value in your efforts, and less on the results.

its not easy to do. our world is results oriented. but the more you focus on acting through your beliefs, the more you are content with the results, whatever they might be... and a content person can be driven, successful, and accomplished. they just don't give others their own personal power.

k.

its 12:42 and i want something chocolate.


Myself esteem went down hill from her constantly putting me down and breaking up with me all the time. I loved her so much, and I valued how she felt about me. When she would do those things, I didn't feel valued much at all, and would keep wondering why she didn't love me like I loved her. I didn't play games with her, I didn't put her down, and when she showed any signs of insecurity, which was rare or when she was drunk, I would comfort her and tell her how much I loved her. But she would not do that for me. And I didn't know why.
But if she was doing all those things to test me so she could feel better about herself, it kind of tells me that she valued how I felt for her, but wasn't a very good way to go about it. Making someone else feel bad or confused to make yourself feel better is very sick and twisted. It doesn't show much empathy or compassion for others. It's not actually the love I deserve, or anyone deserves for that matter. I just wonder what kind of love that is. I'm not 100% sure, but it seems that she has some kind of love for me because I give her a greater, unconditional love, and that's what she loves. It's like she uses me to get the love and value she craves when she craves it, but isn't willing to show any love unless it is taken away from her and she has no access to it. But then will try to get it back by showing temporary love, made to feel like real love, but is only a façade to regain the source of what boosted her self-esteem.
Question is, now that I understand more about this, what to do about her? It would be so hard just to let her go, because no matter how she treats me, and no matter how insane it may sound, I'm still very much in love with her. I may have greater insight, but I don't know what to do with it.

You leave her alone, and get yourself esteem back, through time, and the accomplishment of putting your life back together.

I give her a greater, unconditional love, and that's what she loves. It's like she uses me to get the love and value she craves when she craves it, but isn't willing to show any love unless it is taken away from her and she has no access to it. But then will try to get it back by showing temporary love

What she wants is you there when she can't find anyone else to have sex with.

She has you fooled young man. Stop acting like you're twelve years old. SHE IS USING YOU UNTIL SOMETHING BETTER COMES ALONG!
LISTEN TO OUR ADVICE! She does not love you! Sorry but you need to take off those rose colored glasses and see the person she really is. A USER... :mad:

What she wants is you there when she can't find anyone else to have sex with.

She has you fooled young man. Stop acting like you're twelve years old. SHE IS USING YOU UNTIL SOMETHING BETTER COMES ALONG!
LISTEN TO OUR ADVICE!. She does not love you! Sorry but you need to take off those rose colored glasses and see the person she really is. A USER...:mad:

Your right, I know. It's just hard to face and deal with. Three years of it is a long time.
I just wish there were a way that I could get her to stop this behaviour and take things seriously.

Your right, I know. It's just hard to face and deal with. Three years of it is a long time.
I just wish there were a way that I could get her to stop this behaviour and take things seriously.

She won't! Don't waste anymore time with her.

She won't! Don't waste anymore time with her.

I know, but that's a lot easier said than done. I just don't know how. I mean, I know what most people say: work on myself, be around friends, go out and have a good time, date other peole, exercise, blah, blah, blah. But I don't need to do those things, there's nothing to work on with myself, Im fine with myself. It's just everything else. I can't seem to get anywhere with anything. I struggle all the time trying to get a job, I don't just sit around doing nothing, Im a very motivated person. Im ready to take on anything, ie: be successful with work, have a great relationship, and resolve all my problems and debts. But nothing ever happens. Im just spinning my wheels and getting no where. I just for the life of me can't understand why nothing happens or works out. It's not me and it's not what I do or don't do.
I just feel like my life is over and all my dreams will never happen, because no matter how hard I try, nothing happens. And I believe, and would love to know that my beliefs aren't just fantasy tales or just wishful thinking, but I do for now believe there is a God. I pray all the time. But nothing ever happens. If there is a God, why doesn't he do anything? Or if he doesn't want to, and figures that I don't need to have a life, then why doesn't he just take it already? I would rather not exist than to exist this way.

You're not a teeny bopper, so you have had something's you have earned, as you have a skill.

But I really think you may have it a valley that's screwing with your attitude a bit, and I know we all get overwhelmed sometimes. It happens.

But personally, I no longer wonder why life throws me curve balls any more, because it happens to us all. No matter how low things get, I always find that one glimmer to build on no matter how small. Sometimes all I find is to be grateful to just wake up and know its another chance, or another opportunity to make a difference even if all I accomplish is to take out the garbage. Those little things are what really keep me going through a lot of life's storms that come up when you least expect it, and wanted some sunshine.

I think the only thing we CAN control is our own attitude, and if you start every day with an attitude of gratitude, maybe you will start to see things differently. But I can understand being without a job, and losing a girlfriend can make any one feel terrible, but maybe its just life, clearing your life for something else, something better.

You say you believe in God, so keep believing, and work WITH that God, with positive actions, and thoughts. I mean, do you have something better to do? Use that self motivation to explore your options, and see the best, not the worst. God works in his own time and when your ready, you get the blessings of your actions.

Hang in there a little longer. This is but a test you can pass.

I know you are right about what you are saying Talaniman. Im sorry if I sound like Im whining like a baby about things. It's not that it's a hard struggle, but it's just been way too long. It just seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But I guess I should adjust my attitude about the whole thing a little more. I should be more grateful I guess. And I know that everyone gets into low spots in their lives that they cannot explain either, or some people have it even worse off.
Thanks for the kick in the butt. Im not giving up. I guess Im just trying to blow off some steam and vent a little.

Ok, I have a new challenge coming up. I was talking with myt on and off girlfriend tonight about our relationship, and she just continues to blame me for everything and when I ask her simple yetr to the point questions, she either avoids them or gives me the I don't know thing. So anyway, basically she says she doesn't know how she feels, but she is mad at me for everything going wrong, and I told her that if her and I are over with, then she doesn't have to be mad at me, for one, I didn't break it off with her, she did, and also, if she realizes that I was the wrong one for her, then at least she knows now and never has to put up with me and she can find the one for her. Well, she says she will be mad anyway. I don't know why or what that means.
So, towards the end, I asked her if I could meet up with her sometime tomorrow so I can spend some time with my son. She said she would and that we can meet at the park and spend time with him. Now why would she want to do this together if she wants to end the relationship and how should I handle her considering the current situation between us? Any ideas from an outsiders perspective?

You are going to get right back on the bridge and I hope you you don't fall off. There is a son? I may be wrong but have you mentioned him before? Just because you aren't back with her does not mean God has not answered your prayer. Don't blame God! I don't believe he is going to bless this relationship until you both show some self respect to each other. Your child is watching your life and hers! Grow up and be a man he can look up to.

Sounds like you are a strong person.

I lost my job last year, then got dumped. And been struggling.

Faith is everything. In yourself.

But that comes with work & not letting the bad outweigh the good.

I guess that's every day in every situation, hey?

More importantly to recognize what isn't workin'

A new plan.

You are going to get right back on the bridge and I hope you you don't fall off. There is a son? I may be wrong but have you mentioned him before? Just because you aren't back with her does not mean God has not answered your prayer. Don't blame God! I don't beleive he is going to bless this relationship until you both show some self respect to each other. Your child is watching your life and hers! Grow up and be a man he can look up to.

Yeah, but how should I act around her tomorrow?


Sounds like you are a strong person.

I lost my job last year, then got dumped. And been struggling.

Faith is everything. In yourself.

But that comes with work & not letting the bad outweigh the good.

I guess thats every day in every situation, hey?

More importantly to recognize what aint workin'

A new plan.

Im trying to figure out a plan to dealing with her. Im very excited about spending time again with our son, but I also want to have some effect on her. She doesn't seem like she wants a relationship or even cares to have one with me anymore, but she is willing to spend the afternoon together with me and our son. How should I be towards her?

That's because she needs you for that.

I would concentrate on the relationship with your son.

Cause the one with her is done.

When you are all together, I would make it all about what makes your son happy & her doing the same. Making those ground rules with her so it doesn't make him worry. Affect him or anyone later. No tugs of war.

Be honest with her about that.

Never stop letting him know that will you love & support him forever, regardless of anything.

Thats because she needs you for that.

I would concentrate on the relationship with your son.

Cause the one with her is done.

When you are all together, I would make it all about what makes your son happy & her doing the same. Making those ground rules with her so it doesnt make him worry. Affect him or anyone later. No tugs of war.

Be honest with her about that.

Never stop letting him know that will you love & support him forever, regardless of anything.

She needs me for what? Im sorry, maybe Im missing something.
Of course Im going to make it a day about my son. He will be very happy to see me. By the way, he is 2 years old.
Im just wondering how I should be with her. Should I act like I couldn't care less about her or what? This to me isn't all about just my son, it's about my family, her included.

To be dad, but not in a committed relationship with her. Is what I meant.

Maybe you should have a frank conversation about you both plan to nurture a son apart. And the implications and rules that come with that.

To be dad, but not in a committed relationship with her. Is what I meant.

Maybe you should have a frank conversation about you both plan to nurture a son apart. And the implications and rules that come with that.

But, Im not sure if she is being definite about breaking up. I think she wants to see how things may go between us being around each other again. I believe she would like to regain our relationship, but the only problem is that she acts as though Im supposed to be the one who needs to do all the changing, shich isn't really true. It's sort of like a game she plays with me, the in and out thing.

Don't ever get involved in playing games , there is never a real winner.

What you do is go along and treat her with respect and just play it cool , that not only shows her your stance it also gives a nice calm environment for your son.

If she wants to play games let her , just don't stoop to her level.

That's my point. A game. One that you continue to play with her.

Here's some things you said:

"My ON AND OFF girlfriend IGNORES me"

"She BLAMES ME for everything"

"I know SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANYMORE"

"I go back but she TREATS ME BAD AGAIN"

Wait, here's the kicker:

"I just don't understand why everything is such a mess"

No capital letters on that one.


I guess I would have to wonder why you have 4 kids you never see.

Thats my point. A game. One that you continue to play with her.

Heres some things you said:

"My ON AND OFF girlfriend IGNORES me"

"She BLAMES ME for everything"

"I know SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANYMORE"

"I go back but she TREATS ME BAD AGAIN"

Wait, heres the kicker:

"I just don't understand why everything is such a mess"

No capital letters on that one.

Yes, I see your point with that.
I don't know why I let myself get caught up in all that. But I just do, and nothing ever gets any better. I know what she does isn't right. But I just can't seem to stop letting myself go through it with her. I just want her to give me a real relationship and have a family, that's all. Im not asking for too much. I just wish I could understand why she plays with me the way she does and if there is anythibng I can do to make her stop and realize that we will never get anywhere that way.

I just wish I could understand why she plays with me the way she does and if there is anything I can do to make her stop and realize that we will never get anywhere that way.

Because you allow it , and if you don't make a stand and stop putting up with it she'll continue to do so.

That isn't going to happen. But you realizing why may happen.

You can wish & pray all you want, but at some level you have to take responsibility for now & your past. Finally own up, do some serious soul searching.

What is the deal with your other 4 kids, how did that come about?

You got to look to things that do work in your life. And the ones that don't & why.

This is your life. You have made it this way with your decisions.

Never too late to change.

Because you allow it , and if you don't make a stand and stop putting up with it she'll continue to do so.

That definitely makes sense. But how do I go about that? And, do you think it will make a difference in how she treats me, or maybe take the relationship more seriously?

Stop worrying about her. Only you.

Did you forget to read the last few posts?

What relationship?

That definitely makes sense. But how do I go about that? And, do you think it will make a difference in how she treats me, or maybe take the relationship more seriously?

You don't put up with the cr*p simple as that , if she can't handle it bad luck. It's either that or you make a choice to put up with it , but then you can't complain about it.

Sorry Bud but sometimes people are just not meant to be together , and if she wants to play with your emotions all the time that's not fair nor healthy , and certainly not something I'd put up with.

Oh. Yeah you forgot tell us the deal with your other 4 kids.

The mom(s)?

That aint gonna happen. But you realizing why may happen.

You can wish & pray all you want, but at some level you have to take responsibility for now & your past. Finally own up, do some serious soul searching.

What is the deal with your other 4 kids, how did that come about?

You gotta look to things that do work in your life. And the ones that dont & why.

This is your life. You have made it this way with your decisions.

Never too late to change.

I agree with what you are saying, but I always tried to make it right and have a family with her and our child, as I did with my ex-wife, which I have three kids to. My ex-wife and I never played any games with each other, so I really don't know much about them. My ex-wife and I just simply didn't love each other and got married only because we thought it was the right thing to do after having our first child. We realized a few years ago, or more so she did, that we couldn't really be happy that way for the long haul. I didn't really want to split up, but I understood and I knew I couldn't give her what she wanted. She is now happy with someone who does love her the way she wanted, and I am very happy for her.


Oh. yeah you forgot tell us the deal with your other 4 kids.

The mom(s)?

One with the on and off girlfriend, three with the ex-wife.
Hence, four kids.

Sorry to hear how kids become the products of unhealthy relationships.

Thanks, just wanted to know.

Im another product.

Sometimes people repeat the same mistakes, and don't even know why.

Just don't make another mistake. Like I said before, make sure that this son doesn't "slip away".

Screw her.

You don't put up with the cr*p simple as that , if she can't handle it bad luck. It's either that or you make a choice to put up with it , but then you can't complain about it.

Sorry Bud but sometimes people are just not meant to be together , and if she wants to play with your emotions all the time that's not fair nor healthy , and certainly not something I'd put up with.

Then why does she say she loves me so much any other time? How do I get her from playing the games to giving a real relationship? Or is she just too far gone to do that? Look, I don't know how to deal with things like this, I don't understand them. I've never had to go through any of this before her, and I've never been that way myself or thought in those ways. What's her big benefit of playing all these games when all it does is keeps us from building an actual relationship and a life together?


Sorry to hear how kids become the products of unhealthy relationships.

Thanks, just wanted to know.

Im another product.

Sometimes people repeat the same mistakes, and dont even know why.

Just dont make another mistake. Like I said before, make sure that this son doesnt "slip away".

Screw her.

Well I never wanted it that way for the kids. I wanted to raise them in a family.

Dude, read you initial post.

She sucks.

The point is what are you hanging on? Those are the questions you need to be asking. Not the ones about her. I can't answers those. She's not here.

One with the on and off girlfriend, three with the ex-wife.
Hence, four kids.

You know dark days, I think I would be projecting some of this energy to have a better relationship with your children. I can't believe you care more about this woman (with questionable morals) than you do your children.

Those children DID NOT ask to be brought into this messed up world where daddiys sleeping with his girlfriend and has another child. All you have griped about throughout all these post has been the messed up piece of tail you are after. You are like a dog in heat and all I can say is God help your children. I'm through!

Maybe you are just good at having kids not relationships.

Sounds like you aren't very responsible, even though your intentions in you head may feel otherwise. But there's apologizing and then there's true actions.

Don't be a victim anymore.

Her actions certainly don't show that she loves you , she may say so but words are cheap. Sounds to me that your willing but she isn't.

Dude, read you initial post.

She sucks.

The point is what are you hanging on? Those are the questions you need to be asking. Not the ones about her. I can't answers those. Shes not here.

I just don't know why nothing works out. Not only her, but getting another job, just everything. Im trying not to whine so much, and I guess Im just trying to find the answers. I try my butt off with her, and it fails, I try like hell to get another job, but nothing comes through.
I don't know, I guess I can't expect anyone else to have the answers to my problems. I guess Im just seeing if others have gone through some of these things and how they handled it.

How's about some therapy? Contact one.
Figure out why you are continuing on this path.

Before you bring another kid in.


All of your answers are inside. Find them.

You aren't listening at all. Or care to.

Maybe that's the root of your problems.

Have said my peace

You know dark days, I think I would be projecting some of this energy to have a better relationship with your children. I can't beleive you care more about this woman (with questionable morals) than you do your children.

Those children DID NOT ask to be brought into this messed up world where daddiys sleeping with his girlfriend and has another child. All you have griped about throughtout all these post has been the messed up piece of tail you are after. You are like a dog in heat and all I can say is God help your children. I'm through !!

First off, I do have a great relationship with my kids, that's not the problem. Im trying to discuss problems, not things I don't have a problem with.
And where do you get off telling me I care more about this woman than I do my kids? Im glad your through!

Others think with their head.
You are a whiner and mmaybe that's why she left. Wake up and smell the coffee you big baby.

Her actions certainly don't show that she loves you , she may say so but words are cheap. Sounds to me that your willing but she isn't.

Then what is she doing then. And why does she do it?
These are the things I can't understand. If there's sombody out there for her that's so much better, than why does she waste her time playing her games with me
If you don't want to answer, don't worry about it. It seems Im getting some people upset on here asking these questions.


Others think with their head.
You are a whiner and mmaybe that's why she left. Wake up and smell the coffee you big baby.

And that's your honest opinion? From everything so far, that's what you think it is?

Now, now, No name calling. Please.

Lets keep things about the issues. And I got to say KitKat may have hit a nerve.

That's why I recommend seeing someone. Bring those things out face to face & not on the web.

Plus I got to call yo on that, you say you hardly ever see your other 4 kids.

Geez, I just thought if you were me & I had 4 kids, a crappy girl that doesn't want me & a new one with her.

I better slap myself pretty hard in the face and wonder why.

Now, now, No name calling. Please.

Lets keep things about the issues. And I gotta say KitKat may have hit a nerve.

Thats why I recommend seeing someone. Bring those things out face to face & not on the web.

Plus I gotta call yo on that, you say you hardly ever see your other 4 kids.

Geez, I just thought if you were me & I had 4 kids, a crappy girl that doesnt want me & a new one with her.

I better slap myself pretty hard in the face and wonder why.

No, I can handle Kit Kat's take on things if that's what he really thinks it is. I can respect real criticism and hard truth. If Im being a wuss about things and you guys think that's why this girl is playing me, and your being honest about it, I can accept that, and respect it.
I just think the comment about me caring more for her than my kids was uncalled for. I don't know where he got that BS from, but it sure wasn't from me or anything I said.

No, I can handle Kit Kat's take on things if that's what he really thinks it is. I can respect real criticism and hard truth. If Im being a wuss about things and you guys think that's why this girl is playing me, and your being honest about it, I can accept that, and respect it.
I just think the comment about me caring more for her than my kids was uncalled for. I don't know where he got that BS from, but it sure wasn't from me or anything I said.

Hey don't sweat it , when you come to a public forum your going to get differing opinions , doesn't make anyone right or wrong but don't take anything to heart.

I think the bottom line is that she is definitely the core of a lot of your problems . The fact that she demeans you for her own self esteem issues is definitely a major Red Flag , amongst a lot of others.

I have no idea why she does it and I doubt anyone does except herself , I suppose you could sit down and have a real discussion about it and she'd probably still not tell you , so if it was me I'd be letting her go and then your luck might just start to turn in all the other areas of your life.

We did that already.

Like I said, man. You aren't listening.

What is it you care about is the question I guess...

Hey don't sweat it , when you come to a public forum your going to get differing opinions , doesn't make anyone right or wrong but don't take anything to heart.

I think the bottom line is that she is definately the core of a lot of your problems . The fact that she demeans you for her own self esteem issues is definately a major Red Flag , amongst a lot of others.

I have no idea why she does it and I doubt anyone does except herself , I suppose you could sit down and have a real discussion about it and she'd probably still not tell you , so if it was me I'd be letting her go and then your luck might just start to turn in all the other areas of your life.

She is the core of a lot of my problems, but I guess I don't have anyone to blame but myself for that, I let it happen and let it affect me. When I told her I loved her three years ago, I meant it and I was serious. I just have this belief that when you dedicate yourself to someone, you do so no matter what and for the rest of your life.

She is the core of alot of my problems, but I guess I don't have anyone to blame but myself for that, I let it happen and let it affect me. When I told her I loved her three years ago, I meant it and I was serious. I just have this belief that when you dedicate yourself to someone, you do so no matter what and for the rest of your life.

I get your point but she obviously doesn't have the same feelings.

Life unfortunately isn't like the Movies ;)

We did that already.

Like I said, man. You arent listening.

What is it you care about is the question I guess...

I care about it all, and everything I've been talking about.
I care about my kids, I care about her, I care about getting back to work and building a career again. I cared about having a family with her and raising our son, my other three, and her daughter together and having a simple, happy life.


I get your point but she obviously doesn't have the same feelings.

Life unfortunately isn't like the Movies ;)

Yeah, I know. It is what it is I guess.
But I also believe that life is what you make it.
I guess I'll just act like I don't care either way towards her and not let her affect me anymore.

Glad you are realizing those things.

Now its going to take some work, not talk. Not to get her back. That's done.

But for you to get things on the positive. That means taking complete control over your life.

Its yours, not ours.

Glad you are realizing those things.

Now its gonna take some work, not talk. Not to get her back. Thats done.

But for you to get things on the positive. That means taking complete control over your life.

Its yours, not ours.

Your right, it's going to take a lot of work.
But one question, what do I do if she would want to get back together? I know she'll just do the same things all over again, she has before every time. But to be honest, Im a real pushover when it comes to her. How do I fight that?

Your right, it's going to take alot of work.
But one question, what do I do if she would want to get back together? I know she'll just do the same things all over again, she has before everytime. But to be honest, Im a real pushover when it comes to her. How do I fight that?

C'mon man , seriously we can't do it for you.

If she keeps doing it it's like I said earlier it's because you allow it , so it may sound harsh but grow a set and don't let her.

It's really that simple.

Don't even worry about those things. That's fantasyland.

That's what you want & rooted in false hope.

Try & live in the now & concentrate on what makes you happy. Not frustrated & depressed. You got to start using your gut & balls not your heart.

That isn't working.

Not sure why you would want to be with her anyway, honestly after all of things you have said about her. That's just another recipe for disaster. Already is a disaster.

When you meet. Keep you talks about your son, not getting back with her, like I mentioned before.


Darkdays.

Take a break. A week or so. Read these comments a dozen times & some other threads & especially the stickies at the top. Then come back.

Hey thanks guys, I know I've been a real pain in the butt about all this. I appreciate you guys hanging in there with me and putting up with it.
I know what I got to do. It's just a big difference and hard to face the reality of it.
I know I need to man-up about it, I've been her little wuss-boy for too long now. Didn't mean for it to be that way. I just tried to love her unconditionally. I guess some people just take advantage of that.
Well, not anymore. Tomorrow, Im going to have a nice day with my boy. And as far as she goes, it doesn't matter. Im done caring about that.

You have been given some great advice, by some caring people, and they are right, as no more games about trying to win an ex back, but it is time for some Good Orderly Direction for your personal life.

Sometimes we cannot see how our circumstances are related to each other, and have a hard time figuring what to do about it. This is when you have to set some priorities, that lead to a plan, so we know what actions to take.

Being unemployed restricts your options where you are, but broaden the circle, and you add to the options you have. Your single now, and not tied to a piece of ground, so get out of your circle of seeking employment by a few miles, or cities/towns, and as I said before, consider things that may be different than the work you have been use to doing. Its called getting out of your comfort zone, to explore other avenues, that may give you what you want as far as career, and cash.

As to the ex baby mama, I think the sooner you accept she isn't on the same page as you, the sooner you stop letting her define you, and keep you locked into negative thinking, the sooner you can take back control of what's really important. You, and how you feel about YOU!! She is not the priority, you are. What she wants, and thinks, is not important, what you do for yourself, and your kids is.

In that context having her in your life sounds good, but is not realistic, nor needed for you to grab hold of your own life.

I think once you focus on what you can control, and put actions in that direction, you will see that a lot makes sense, and is doable. That's the whole problem, you're too focused on what doesn't make sense (the words and actions of another), and nor what's important to what you want, and need (a LIFE of your own, that makes you feel good about yourself, and what you're doing).

People are, who they are, for whatever reason, but in your own situation, is where you need the attention, and action. I bet you would make a great volunteer, especially at a church that caters to providing food, and housing, or even as a teacher, or mentor, to some add risk kid who needs some guidance.
Hardy a paying job, but is WORK, while you get your career, and life, together.

Its hardly a coincidence that I focus on you, and things you can do for yourself, and not on how to handle your ex, because that to is one of the things that you will deal with better after you have dealt with your own needs, and wants in a proactive positive way.

Think of it as an attitude adjustment, that requires a different way of thinking to succeed. Instead of trying to get her back, work with her to the benefit of your son, and reject completely any thing to do with her, and you being romantic, or one big happy family. That should keep you focused on your sons needs, and not what you want, or she personally wants. That way you both deal with the responsibility of your child together, without your personal issues to distract, and distress you.

Not easy, but you have to get busy, and do what you got to do. Thats really all you have control over any way. what you do, not what you want to do.

Hey guys, just wanted to fill you all in on how things went today. I took all of the advice given here and used it. We had a great day together. We didn't argue at all, and didn't discuss anything about the relationship. We met up and took our son to Pinchot state park and played with him all day. He had such a great time and was so happy, we all were. And you could tell he was happy about having his mom and dad together with him without any tension what so ever. It was a great day, and it felt like being a family. Before we parted ways tonight, I gave my son hugs and kisses, and he was so worn out, I could tell he would probably be falling asleep on the way home. Her and I gave each other a hug and kiss and thanked each other for the day together.
She called about an hour after I got home to say goodnight. She said Nolan fell right to sleep as soon as they got in the door. She said that he kept saying mommy, daddy, mommy, daddy as he was falling asleep. She said she had a great day, and hopes that we can continue that way as we continue seeing each other.
I think all the advice I was given here was greatly helpful for how things went today. And I will continue putting it to use. I think her and I will just be taking things slow and keeping them light and see where it goes, and it also helps reduce the stress for me to get other things in my life straightened out.

Good one, man.

You did the right thing. Concentrating on your son.
(and you, at the same time.)

Good one, man.

You did the right thing. Concentrating on your son.
(and you, at the same time.)

We both did, and I think we both learned what's more important by concentrating on him, instead of our own petty arguments. There may be some hope for us yet.

Take things slow.

Don't confuse the words Mommy & Daddy.
Those are ones meant in terms of him.

Regardless if Mommy & Daddy are together or even on the same page.
Hes your son, that's all you need to be concerned wit.

I used to hear all sorts of thing as my ex was going to sleep.
Actions are what's its all about.

Take things slow.

Dont confuse the words Mommy & Daddy.
Those are ones meant in terms of him.

Regardless if Mommy & Daddy are together or even on the same page.
Hes your son, thats all you need to be concerned wit.

I used to hear all sorts of thing as my ex was going to sleep.
Actions are whats its all about.

I just think he enjoyed having his mom and dad together with giving him equal attention. The two people who love him the most. I hope, Im not saying it will happen, but I hope her and I can eventually get our problems put to rest so we can give him the family her deserves. She has a daughter, I have two other boys and a daughter. He is pretty much the last chance her and I have to at least give one of our kids a real family, growing up with both of his parents together.

That's the right attitude.

That's what Ive been saying. Don't let this one slip away.
(your son, of course)

If it it happens that you two can reconcile, then great.
But don't use your son for that. As an excuse to to do so & have that picket fence.

Your issues with her are something different. Son or not.

I know its all connected, but this isn't a redemption to make up for other mistakes. This is about you being a loving father to him regardless of anything.

Thats the right attitude.

Thats what Ive been saying. Dont let this one slip away.
(your son, of course)

If it it happens that you two can reconcile, then great.
But dont use your son for that. As an excuse to to do so & have that picket fence.

Your issues with her are something different. Son or not.

I know its all connected, but this isnt a redemption to make up for other mistakes. This is about you being a loving father to him regardless of anything.

Yes, I agree. As far as her and I go, just like you said, we will take it slow and just try to get along and see where it leads. And Im a lot more comfortable with that then the way it was.
After all the advice here, and after today and how things went, I feel a lot more relieved and more motivated and hopeful then I was before.

Good. Happy to hear. Im glad the advice here has helped.

One thing that I wanted to tell you is that my Dad died when I was 7.

And believe me, there's not a day goes by that I don't think about how that has affected me. Im in my 40s.

I never really had the support & love I needed, As a kid or an adult.
Parentally speaking.

Made my share of mistakes and still pay.

I like to think Im pretty well adjusted. Im the kind of person that learns and is voracious about that.

My regrets are my own. But I work hard to be a better person on a daily basis.

I guess my point is to be a Dad.

Good. Happy to hear. Im glad the advice here has helped.

One thing that I wanted to tell you is that my Dad died when I was 7.

And believe me, theres not a day goes by that I dont think about how that has affected me. Im in my 40s.

I never really had the support & love I needed, As a kid or an adult.
Parentally speaking.

Made my share of mistakes and still pay.

I like to think Im pretty well adjusted. Im the kind of person that learns and is voracious about that.

My regrets are my own. But I work hard to be a better person on a daily basis.

I guess my point is to be a Dad.

Do you have kids?
I know what you mean about growing up without a father. After my parents split up when I was very young, I didn't have a father around. I had to learn most everything the hard way. If I only had a father there to teach me things, my life my have been different. But, Im glad to learn what I have. I swore I would never disappear from my kids lives, and I haven't. The only reason I stayed with my ex-wife as long as I did was because I wanted them to have what I didn't have, a real family. My ex-wife was not a bad woman, we just were not in love and after so long, she could not handle that any longer, which I understand for her. To me it didn't matter. I really didn't know what love to that degree was, I was more driven to duty. My love was my family. It was not until I met my girlfriend that I fell in love. If we were to get ourselves straightened out again, we could have a family based on duty, but also based on love between a man and a woman. Our other children can share in that love as well.

Nope. Would love to be...
A regret, in many ways & not sure if will ever be.

Been married though. Another wrong decision, Ive made. Great person in so many ways. Not one that could imagine having kids with though. Found that one out later.

After all, that's in the past. We only learn from that, if we choose to do so.
We are human. That's why we are talking here.

I understand what you said at the end. And that's your wish. In order for that to happen. That's got to be her wish.

Like you said, the only reason that you stayed with your ex is to have that "family"

That didn't happen as you wished.

Don't get me wrong. Im all about love.
And for the right reasons.

Well, it's a good thing you didn't have a child with your ex. Having a child with someone you don't end up staying with is hard, and sometimes hard for the child.

My on and off girlfriend wishes the same thing, to have a family together and she knows we have our problems to solve. She does love me deep down, but she has issues that have affected our relationship, our lives, that she knows, but doesn't admit to. So during this slow phase, I will continue to get my own life together and give her the space and her own thinking to resolve her own issues. The advice I got on here, Im much more clear headed to do this the right way. With what you and Talinaman, Friend4u and everyone else has been saying, Im not going to worry about the things I cannot figure out and put my thoughts on getting a new job and just being a good dad. And with what Kitkat said, even though some of it wasn't called for, the thing about being a man about it really got to me. I was letting things get to me, or maybe letting myself get too let down by them instead of having more control of myself. And I think by being calm and more in control of myself, it will have an impact on how my girlfriend views the real problems in our relationship. She will see that I am better capable of handling our problems and our lives once again.

Exactly. There's no wasting time on thoughts that do not serve us.
Whether it be you or me, now or later.

If you can master that one. Well.

You are on the right mindset. Taking a step back. Realizing what your agenda is daily with confidence and control. Not being "too" worried about the product. Just that the product is good when you rest your head.

First things first.

And things aren't looking as bleak as they were now that I've adjusted my attitude about them. I have much more confidence then I did.
Im glad there was a place like this that I could tell my problems to and get advice and support from all different types of people. It's amazing how much of the same problems people share.

Yamon.

Glad (and sorry) you're here asking.

Hehehe.

Yamon.

Glad (and sorry) youre here asking.

Hehehe.

Yeah, so am I. Lol.

Uhmmmmmm... so I'll just leave you 2 guys to it then :cool:


Seriously though glad to hear things worked out darkdays , just don't fall for that dreaded Demon "False Hope"

Wait, don't leave me, friend4u... Hehe

Yeah, that's the real demon.

Exorcism.

Uhmmmmmm ............. so I'll just leave you 2 guys to it then :cool:


Seriously though glad to hear things worked out darkdays , just don't fall for that dreaded Demon "False Hope"

Thanks buddy. I'll stay strong. And if I don't, I'll let you guys know about it so you all can kick me in the butt again.

Wait, dont leave me, friend4u... Hehe

Yeah, thats the real demon.

Exorcism.

Hey, you guys did a good exorcism. Sorry you couldn't see my head turn around the other day.

Thanks buddy. I'll stay strong. And if I don't, I'll let you guys know about it so you all can kick me in the butt again.

Don't sweat it , your not the first and I guarantee you won't be the last ;)

I guess I screwed up again and Im back in the same spot as I was with my ex-girlfriend and I don't know what to do. I feel like hell all over again. Everything was fine with us. And then yesterday she got into my emails from her computer at work. She saw that some women I know had emailed me, mostly friends and one that wants to go out with me. I haven't responded to any of them in weeks, I just delete them when I get them. Well she saw them. After I got back into my email account, I asked her for the password to her email account and then she asked why. I said that if she can get into mine, why shouldn't I be able to get into hers. What's fair is fair. And then I remembered when we were together on Saturday with our son, I saw two guys names on her phone and they were in her favorites. Anyway, I said if she didn't have anything to hide, then she would easy give me the password. Well she didn't, so I changed the secret question and password so she would never be able to get into it again. But I thought somehow she was still in it because right after I changed it, one of my friends emailed me and she said something that made me think that she knew. I didn't think that she would admit to still being in it, so I figured that if I said something about her to my friend that she wouldn't like, she would definitely respond to that. So then afterward, I called my friend and told her that I didn't mean what I said about my girlfriend, I was just trying to figure something out. So anyway, I wrote my girlfriend asking if she was still there, and she came back saying "what, are you done bashing me now?" Then I knew somehow she was still into it. I told her I just did it to find out, and she said that she seen enough to know that I was up to no good and I couldn't be trusted. I told her that she must be hiding something if she can't let me into her email account and with the fact that she has two guys numbers in her phone. Well anyway, she just says she's done with me. Like it's my fault or something.
I just can't make heads or tales out of any of this. I knew she could always get into my account and I never minded because I never had nothing to hide. Like I said, I don't reply to emails coming from other women, I just delete them. And she makes me out to be the one with something to hide? What about her not letting me into hers and her phone having other guys numbers?
Can somebody hit me over the head and make me understand this.

Don't trip over this stupid stuff, just leave her alone.

Never argue with a mad female, give her space to cool off. If you weren't trying so hard to be right, and logical, (which you were) then you would have just let her vent, don't argue, and dropped it. Like who cares?

This is her trip, leave it to her. You're not together, and what you do is not her business, so don't get into her guilt trip with her, your only business is with you're child together, personal stuff is off the table. Kissing her butt is not acceptable, no matter what buttons she pushes. Dude, she has issues.

Don't trip over this stupid stuff, just leave her alone.

Never argue with a mad female, give her space to cool off. If you weren't trying so hard to be right, and logical, (which you were) then you would have just let her vent, don't argue, and dropped it. Like who cares?

This is her trip, leave it to her. You're not together, and what you do is not her business, so don't get into her guilt trip with her, your only business is with you're child together, personal stuff is off the table. Kissing her butt is not acceptable, no matter what buttons she pushes. Dude, she has issues.

Tal, I know she has issues. I just don't know how to deal with them. I mean, why is she blaming me for things when she hides things from me and has guys numbers on her phone?

That's all some childish sh**t. Adults with kids acting like kids.

Well, the game playing is still continuing.

It thought this was going to be about your son. How the BS won't affect his relationship with you later.

All I see in this post is jealously & dishonesty.

Not good things to base anything on.

C'mon, man. You got to be kidding here.
So what if you talk to women.

Your not with her.

How is it that she knows your passwords anyway?

I don't give that info away. To anyone, not my mother, girlfriend friends or anyone else.
Some things are yours not hers.

I have nothing to hide. And if my girlfriend or anyone else wants to read them, then I say go for it. But at my invitation, not anyone else's.

Sounds like maybe you got something to hide.
Otherwise you wouldn't be so keen on her emails.

What are you guys 16?

I don't have nothing to hide. The only reason I wanted into hers is because I think she does.
I didn't give my password to her. She knows the answer to my secret question, and all she has to do is answer that and change the password to get into it. And she always changes it to an old password that I had that she knew so I could get back into it.
No, we're not together. Then why does getting into my emails to check up on me matter so much to her?

Thats all some childish sh**t. Adults with kids acting like kids.

Well, the game playing is still continuing.

It thought this was gonna be about your son. How the BS wont affect his relationship with you later.

All I see in this post is jealously & dishonesty.

Not good things to base anything on.

C'mon, man. You gotta be kidding here.
So what if you talk to women.

Your not with her.

How is it that she knows your passwords anyway?

I dont give that info away. To anyone, not my mother, gf friends or anyone else.
Some things are yours not hers.

I have nothing to hide. And if my gf or anyone else wants to read them, then I say go for it. But at my invitation, not anyone elses.

Sounds like maybe you got something to hide.
Otherwise you wouldnt be so keen on her emails.

What are you guys 16?

Leave the woman alone and concentrate on you!

Leave the woman alone and concentrate on you!

Then why won't she leave me alone and stop getting into my personal business?
She said on Saturday that she wanted to work things out and now this.

Change your passwords and your secret question , it's none of her friggin business :rolleyes:

Damn too much drama if your ever going to get over this thing.

Change your secret question.

Change your passwords and your secret question , it's none of her friggin business :rolleyes:

Damn too much drama if your ever gonna get over this thing.

I did change it, but she was still into it somehow.

"The only reason I wanted into hers is because I think she does."

You are trying to hard. To get back someone that isn't right & get that family together you've been hoping for.

The wrong reasons again.

Concentrate on you & the love you have for your son.

She's got issues & not worth wasting anymore fantasies over.

You have yours.

Change your secret question.

I did. Now how do I deal with her. Now she thinks Im up to something just because other women that I don't even talk to anymore still write to me once in a while just to say hi or something.

QUOTE by darkdays;
Tal, I know she has issues. I just don't know how to deal with them... Now how do I deal with her.

You don't, if it doesn't concern your son, you don't care. That's how you deal with her issues.


Now how do I deal with her. Now she thinks I'm up to something just because other women that I don't even talk to anymore still write to me once in a while just to say hi or something.

Ignore her, and don't explain.

"The only reason I wanted into hers is because I think she does."

You are trying to hard. To get back someone that isnt right & get that family together youve been hoping for.

The wrong reasons again.

Concentrate on you & the love you have for your son.

Shes got issues & not worth wasting anymore fantasies over.

You have yours.

I know, I just can't stop. I want so bad to have this family work. I try so hard and give into everything and take the blame for everything. Im always telling her I love her. Im always there when she wants me. I've tried so hard to do everything right, and everything just gets worse.

You don't, if it doesn't concern your son, you don't care. That's how you deal with her issues.
But what about the relationship between me and her and trying to work things out?

Tal, I know you and some of the other guys on here are experts and all on relationships. Im just going crazy over all this. I know you say to leave her alone and ignore her. But I don't see where that's ever going to get us. I don't know, I just don't understand this kind of stuff when it comes to relationships.
Am I just going about all this wrong or something? I mean what do women want from guys? I try so hard to do everything right? Is that wrong or something?

Long shot.

What about your son. Haven't heard one word about him.

Just her silliness.

At some point you are going to realize that this needs more effort than its worth to be in a relationship with her.

The relationship with your son can be amazing. Don't let another one slip away because of another bad choice in women.

You're not ready to work things out, so focus on what's important, and right now the relationship is not important.

Look DD, I feel you, but until you both are ready, it ain't happening, and she ain't ready. And your trying too hard, way to hard. Back up, keep it simple by giving her space, so her issues can be dealt with by her, in her time, not yours.

Trust me, a cooler head by you is what's needed, and forget the family thing, and forever happy for now. FOCUS, really FOCUS! No more relationship talk, let her get there on her own, without you, or you have nothing anyway.

Long shot.

What about your son. havent heard one word about him.

Just her silliness.

At some point you are gonna realize that this needs more effort than its worth to be in a relationship with her.

The relationship with your son can be amazing. Dont let another one slip away because of another bad choice in women.

Vanheart, this has nothing to do with my son. He is fine and I will continue to see him as long as she doesn't give me any problems about it, in which if she does I'll get legal about it. Im talking about her and what she does and what to do. I thought her and I were trying to work things out and now this. Everything went great on Saturday, and we were like a family together. Now she thinks things are going on with me and other women and they are not and now we're back to square one again.

Doesn't sound like she wants to. Just you.

Stop pushing. Chill.

Long shot.

What about your son. havent heard one word about him.

Just her silliness.

At some point you are gonna realize that this needs more effort than its worth to be in a relationship with her.

The relationship with your son can be amazing. Dont let another one slip away because of another bad choice in women.

Little children did not ask to be brought into this world. I wonder why people bring chidren into this world if they are going to put them last. These children need a loving, stable home. Start thinking about your child and leave the woman alone:(.

now we're back to square one again.


No your not, your letting your desire for a relationship get in the way of common sense that's saying leave her alone about a relationship, because she is not ready, and you can't make her ready.

I know what your saying Tal, and your right. Then why does she want to get into my emails for if she isn't ready? Im willing to take all the time it needs, but in the mean time I got to deal with stuff like that. And it only gets worse.
So what your saying is that I should just take things light with her when she blames me for this and that and act like it doesn't bother me? And that will make things better? Or for the possibility of working things out?


Little children did not ask to be brought into this world. I wonder why people bring chidren into this world if they are going to put them last. These children need a loving, stable home. Start thinking about your child and leave the woman alone:(.

Trust me Kat, I never planned my son to be born into this. I tried with all my heart and effort to create a stable home and family for him.

"And it only gets worse. " quoted...

Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Concentrate on the job search.

"And it only gets worse. " quoted....

Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Concentrate on the job search.

So just let it go right? Ignore it and let it go.

I know what your saying Tal, and your right. Then why does she want to get into my emails for if she isn't ready? Im willing to take all the time it needs, but in the mean time I got to deal with stuff like that. And it only gets worse.
So what your saying is that I should just take things light with her when she blames me for this and that and act like it doesn't bother me? And that will make things better? Or for the possibility of working things out?

Concentrate on your child! There's a loose woman around every corner.
You must like the way she's treating you or else you would take advice and tell her to take a hike. How in the world can you go hoping and letting her pull your strings?

I do not understand your reasoning at all. Do you know women despise
Weak men. They tell their friends about how they can have that guy anytime. How do you like being a puppet. How do you think your son is going to grow up to be strong when he's looking at the way you live.
You are not a very good example for him to follow. You or your squeeze!:mad:

Not ignore it.
Recognize.

Concentrate on you.
Without a vision of a relationship with her driving your whole existence, thoughts & actions.

I doubt you ever get with this female, and think you're driving yourself crazy trying.

When they act crazy, and unreasonable, leave them alone, not freak out on them.

Concentrate on your child! Theres a loose woman around every corner.
You must like the way she's treating you or else you would take advice and tell her to take a hike. How in the world can you go hoping and letting her pull your strings?

I do not understand your reasoning at all. Do you know women despise
weak men. They tell their friends about how they can have that guy anytime. How do you like being a puppet. How do you think your son is going to grow up to be strong when he's looking at the way you live.
You are not a very good example for him to follow. You or your squeeze!:mad:

So now Im weak? Why is that? I guess I just don't get it.

I doubt you ever get with this female, and think you're driving yourself crazy trying.

When they act crazy, and unreasonable, leave them alone, not freak out on them.

Good Tal, can't spread the reputation. But you are right.

Im sorry guys, Im probably driving you all crazy with all this. I just don't get it. You know, to me, if something's wrong, you fix it. You make things work. I don't play games with people and I don't understand why someone else would. I believe that when you have children, both parents should be trying to make things work instead of all that. I've had a family before and I know what it takes.


Good Tal, can't spread the reputation. But you are right.

So that's where Im weak?

So just let it go right? Ignore it and let it go.

BINGO, see how simple that is. Keep doing it, and the ways of crazy females, won't even bother you, because you will know what to do.

And when you get one who is not crazy, oh, will you appreciate her!

BINGO, see how simple that is. Keep doing it, and the ways of crazy females, won't even bother you, because you will know what to do.

And when you get one who is not crazy, oh, will you appreciate her!

I think Im starting to see it now. I guess my efforts just make things worse with her. And I shouldn't be worrying about defending myself with her when she blames me. The less I worry about it, the better it will be and she will eventually figure out that her controlling ways don't work on me anymore?

Don't be sorry.
We all can be weak. Its human to be at times.

Just don't go down a path that isn't right.

That will hurt 10 fold later.

DD

She knows she has you by the short and curlies , and she can do or say anything she wants and you'll still be there waiting in the wings and trying to make things right. I applaud your morals on families etc which is very noble , unfortunately she hasn't got the same morals.

You see that's the weakness , so you have to let her know you won't put up with her cr*p and still be there if it continues.

DD

She konws she has you by the short and curlies , and she can do or say anything she wants and you'll still be there waiting in the wings and trying to make things right. I applaud your morals on families etc which is very noble , unfortunately she hasn't got the same morals.

You see that's the weakness , so you have to let her know you won't put up with her cr*p and still be there if it continues.

I really think Im getting it. So the less I act like I care, the more she might actually try to treat me better if she really wants things to work?

So now Im weak? Why is that? I guess I just don't get it.

You are weak because you let this woman make you miserable! When she says jump, you say how high! You depend on a text or a call or a little hope and a smile from her to make you happy. You depend on her to make you happy or miserable. She calls all the shots. She gives you a kind word and your on cloud nine and when she's ticked you hit bottom.

All the time that little child is caught right in the middle. I guarantee if you don't get your act together and start acting like a man and putting that child first, he will be in therapy by the time he is ten years old. God help these children who are born into a scewed up lifestyle like you and this " ex" have made for him.

I think I got it. I should just act like it doesn't bother me either way. If things are fine, then fine. And if not with her, then it's still fine.
Do you think I was acting like a woman normally would?

I think I got it. I should just act like it doesn't bother me either way. If things are fine, then fine. And if not with her, then it's still fine.
Do you think I was acting like a woman normally would?

You aren't a woman are you?:confused:

You aren't a woman are you?:confused:

Of course not, but do you think that's how I was dealing with all this?

Of course not, but do you think that's how I was dealing with all this?

Women most of them, wouldn't put up with the she's treated you. Women would tell a man who treated them this way where to get off. There are some women who are doormats, but I haven't seen one of the woman on here who are longtime members tell you to be a carpet.

Women think with their brain and women and most good men would never treat their child or wife or girlfriend the way this woman is doing you. If a man ever tried that I'd take a broom to his head
The guys on this forum treat their children like a true father should. No you're not acting like a woman. Women are nurterers , your ex has nuteured you.

I had no idea you were a woman KitKat.
But anyway, I guess from your perspective, I should be more of a man about things. Getting bent out of shape from her just gives her more power or ego I guess. And just makes me the doormat. I guess it's mainly my fault. I just enabled it and made her this way by falling into it and letting her do it. Im always the one stepping on eggshells. I feel like such a wuss. But I hope you understand, I thought I was being what she wanted. I only took it all the time because I loved her and cared for her. I would have done anything for her, and I have. And all she did was take advantage.

I had no idea you were a woman KitKat.
But anyways, I guess from your perspective, I should be more of a man about things. Getting bent out of shape from her just gives her more power or ego I guess. And just makes me the doormat. I guess it's mainly my fault. I just enabled it and made her this way by falling into it and letting her do it. Im always the one stepping on eggshells. I feel like such a wuss. But I hope you understand, I thought I was being what she wanted. I only took it all the time because I loved her and cared for her. I would have done anything for her, and I have. And all she did was take advantage.

Good for you, you have seen the light! Now start getting you self respect back and leave her alone. Concentrate on the kids. It's her loss!

Good for you, you have seen the light! Now start getting you self respect back and leave her alone. Concentrate on the kids. It's her loss!

You're right. I still wish it could work out with her though, you know.
Do you think it's too late after being her wuss boy for so long?

You're right. I still wish it could work out with her though, you know.
Do you think it's too late after being her wuss boy for so long?

Yes I do! Sorry

Yes I do! Sorry

That's OK, you don't have to be sorry. I appreciate your honesty.
I just don't understand if that's trye, then why was everything going so good last Saturday when we were together? She was really happy and she even said she wished it could have lasted longer, even said she loved me.

I only took it all the time because I loved her and cared for her. I would have done anything for her, and I have. And all she did was take advantage. Give your love to some one that gives it back, once they stop giving then you should also, if you continue giving it you will be the only one ending up being in so much pain. You can't make someone love you, or care for you. Don't hold on the words she said in the past, present, and future. They are only words. Feeling heart broken does not make a different if you are 10 or 100 years old, it will make you do the same idiotic things, beg, hoping for that false hope to come true. Hold on the good memories and dwell on them every moment you get a chance. Make excuses of why you can't move on,and she is the only reason of your happiness. You did your best to make her happy, it didn't work so now move on and do your best to make YOU happy and your children. Think logical not emotional. Instead of using the energy you have left of fighting for the perfect family, why don't you use it to find a perfect life for your kids in the future. Girls comes and go, but your kids will always love you. No matter if your poor, rich, happy or sad, they will always love you. So why don't you put all your love to all your 4 kids and stop loving the person that no longer deserve to feel love from you. God bless and hope your dark days will eventually turn into happy moments.

Hey everyone, I've got some good news and some weird news. First off, it's over between me and my ex-girlfriend. I did what I know I shouldn't have did, but I did it because I just thought I had to. For the past two days, I emailed her begging and pleading to give things another chance and that I would change and I was sorry about the email thing a few days ago. Well all she did was put me down, tell me it's over and she deserves better and blah, blah, blah. I even called her at the end of the day and boy did she let me have it. I mean she was mean as anything. I could just see the flip side again as I've seen before in her. Well, to say the least, it hit me we were once again for the thousandth time over and done with. And needless to say I was down in the dumps. So, that's done.
Now, not long after that call, I get a call from a job I applied to. They told me I could start next week. So, that's a good thing.
And then this evening, I stopped by the bank to give them my new address. When I went in, there was this woman dropping a bag full of change into the coin counter. She was very attractive. As I was sitting there waiting for the teller, I glanced at her slightly and she did also. Right after I walked out and got into my truck, she came out. So I figured what the heck. So before she got into her car, I rolled down my window and used an opening line, I know, but I had nothing else to think of at the time. I said, "excuse me, but don't I know you from somewhere?" She said maybe. So I asked her name and acted like it might sound familiar. As we were talking, I was trying to look at her hand to see if there was a ring, but it was so hard to because her pretty eyes were so dead set into mine and I didn't want to give it away as to what I was doing. But I did give it one quick glance, and her keys were blocking her finger. I think she saw me look, and then she grabs the keys with her right hand as almost to let me see her left. So after I noticed she was not wearing a ring, and at the end of the bogus conversation I started, I simply asked her if she was with anyone. She said "no, Im not with anyone". So I asked if I could give her my number and she accepted. She had one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen, and from how she talked, I could almost get a feel that she is a good one. Before we parted ways, she said she will call me sometime.
The whole ride home coming down the highway, I couldn't help smiling, like I haven't smiled in so long. I kept thinking about her, and every song on the radio had me thinking about meeting her. It was almost, maybe even the same feeling I remember having when I met my ex.
So then, when I got home I called my ex. She didn't answer, so I left a message. I told her I apologize for bugging her the past two days, and I told her about meeting this new woman. I thanked her for breaking it off with me, because if she wouldn't have, I would have never approached this woman I met at the bank. I told her I feel happier now, and that there are no hard feelings and I hope we will be able to be friends because of having a child together, and that Im ready to start the new chapter in my life.

Hey everyone, I've got some good news and some weird news. First off, it's over between me and my ex-girlfriend. I did what I know I shouldn't have did, but I did it because I just thought I had to. For the past two days, I emailed her begging and pleading to give things another chance and that I would change and I was sorry about the email thing a few days ago. Well all she did was put me down, tell me it's over and she deserves better and blah, blah, blah. I even called her at the end of the day and boy did she let me have it. I mean she was mean as anything. I could just see the flip side again as I've seen before in her. Well, to say the least, it hit me we were once again for the thousandth time over and done with. And needless to say I was down in the dumps. So, that's done.
Now, not long after that call, I get a call from a job I applied to. They told me I could start next week. So, that's a good thing.
And then this evening, I stopped by the bank to give them my new address. When I went in, there was this woman dropping a bag full of change into the coin counter. She was very attractive. As I was sitting there waiting for the teller, I glanced at her slightly and she did also. Right after I walked out and got into my truck, she came out. So I figured what the heck. So before she got into her car, I rolled down my window and used an opening line, I know, but I had nothing else to think of at the time. I said, "excuse me, but don't I know you from somewhere?" She said maybe. So I asked her name and acted like it might sound familiar. As we were talking, I was trying to look at her hand to see if there was a ring, but it was so hard to because her pretty eyes were so dead set into mine and I didn't want to give it away as to what I was doing. But I did give it one quick glance, and her keys were blocking her finger. I think she saw me look, and then she grabs the keys with her right hand as almost to let me see her left. So after I noticed she was not wearing a ring, and at the end of the bogus conversation I started, I simply asked her if she was with anyone. She said "no, Im not with anyone". So I asked if I could give her my number and she accepted. She had one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen, and from how she talked, I could almost get a feel that she is a good one. Before we parted ways, she said she will call me sometime.
The whole ride home coming down the highway, I couldn't help smiling, like I haven't smiled in so long. I kept thinking about her, and every song on the radio had me thinking about meeting her. It was almost, maybe even the same feeling I remember having when I met my ex.
So then, when I got home I called my ex. She didn't answer, so I left a message. I told her I apologize for bugging her the past two days, and I told her about meeting this new woman. I thanked her for breaking it off with me, because if she wouldn't have, I would have never approached this woman I met at the bank. I told her I feel happier now, and that there are no hard feelings and I hope we will be able to be friends because of having a child together, and that Im ready to start the new chapter in my life.

Go slow.. rebound relationships can leave you in worse shape. Be cautious! It's okay to date but don't go into it with unrealistic expectations. Take it slow.:)

Go slow..rebound relationships can leave you in worse shape. Be cautious! It's okay to date but don't go into it with unrealistic expectations. Take it slow.:)

How could it leave me in worse shape? Just meeting her has already made me happier than I've been in so long.

How could it leave me in worse shape? Just meeting her has already made me happier than I've been in so long.

Good luck, but take it slowly... :)

Good luck, but take it slowly....:)

Ok, thanks

I'm glad things are going well for you darkdays, be patient and keep your head up. Don't rush into this lady you just spoke to and take things slow and really get to know each other. Happy for you man!

i'm glad things are going well for you darkdays, be patient and keep your head up. dont rush into this lady you just spoke to and take things slow and really get to know eachother. Happy for you man!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Be sweet.. Good to hear your smiling again! Goodnight!;);)

Be sweet..Good to hear your smiling again! Goodnight!;);)

Thank you, goodnight.

Begging & pleading.

Then a phone number, not too long after. Nice vote of confidence, but.

Decide what exactly it is you want.

You were boo-hooing about family and what not. Your son and rekindling things with your other kids, etc...

Don't make another mistake.

Another woman isn't the answer right now.

But date away.

Just make sure your priorities are in place. So they know why.

Be strong! Look up! Thank God he gave you the things you have. Pray.

Begging & pleading.

Then a phone number, not too long after. Nice vote of confidence, but.

Decide what exactly it is you want.

You were boo-hooing about family and what not. Your son and rekindling things with your other kids, etc...

Dont make another mistake.

Another woman isnt the answer right now.

But date away.

Just make sure your priorities are in place. So they know why.

I did decide exactly what I want. I tried the whole bit with my ex by trying to get her back by apologizing and telling her I will change and how beautiful of a family we could have together and all that. Like I said, it got me absolutely nowhere, and dealing with this in and out thing for three years, I give up. I just decided to let it go at that, and that is one of the reasons I called and left a message to tell her I moved on in hopes that she won't even try to come back in time this time. I've had enough.
Then, when I saw this other woman, I just decided to go for it. What the hell would I need time for? Im not the one that doesn't know how to have a serious committed relationship, it's my ex that can't do that. And why give time to get over it? It's done! That's it, and she even made that clear, so any feelings that were all part of that relationship are now invalid and useless to hold onto if the relationship is dead. So, no time to move on like the present.
When my ex-wife used to leave and come back multiple times during our marriage. After the final time of that back in 2006, I met my ex-girlfriend 2 weeks after and never looked back.
These type of women that you give your all to over and over and sacrifice your own pride, heart and soul, that just keep putting you through it are not worth the time of day. There comes a point when you realize that, just like I did yesterday, I had enough.
Yeah, you can say that I boo-hooed. I tried to save a family. And I went to all extents to do so, so don't act like I need to be careful or that I need to get my priorities straight. And I tried not only for myself, but my child as well. She was impossible, so now she can be responsible for that for now on, and I wash my hands of it.

Glad you came to that realization.

Hey don't get your feathers ruffled. Just trying to help.

Like you said, you met your ex 2 weeks after your ex-wife.

And yes, I do think its about priorities. And learning from both successes & mistakes. To not repeat them.

That's all.

Here's some quotes from your OP:

"Everything in my life is so messed up"

"Nothing ever seems to go right"

"I just don't understand why everything is such a mess"

"Everything gets worse and worse and Im always depressed"

Our lives are our own. No one else's. Its all about the decisions we make. All based on learning from the past.

To make ourselves better.

Glad you came to that realization.

Hey dont get your feathers ruffled. Just trying to help.

Like you said, you met your ex 2 weeks after your ex-wife.

And yes, I do think its about priorities. And learning from both successes & mistakes. To not repeat them.

Thats all.

Heres some quotes from your OP:

"Everything in my life is so messed up"

"Nothing ever seems to go right"

"I just don't understand why everything is such a mess"

"Everything gets worse and worse and Im always depressed"

Our lives are our own. No one else's. Its all about the decisions we make. All based on learning from the past.

To make ourselves better.

We're all trying to help dark days and we spend time here trying to pull people through bad times. Van's only trying to help and so am I!:)

Right Vanheart, it is all about learning and making better decisions. It's not that I made bad ones before, you can't always tell what a person is going to do in time to come or what unexpected events may happen either. But whether in my marriage, or with my ex-girlfriend, my heart was in it for the duration, and I believe in working out problems and committing myself to that one person for the duration. When I say forever, it's forever. It's not a word I take lightly. But, when the other decides it's done for them, there is only so much you can do. Now, I think I deserve huge credit for not only looking out for my children to maintain a family life for them, but also taking on any and all blame and losing a lot to maintain the relationship. Now, maybe I shouldn't have given in as much as I did, that could have been a mistake. It seems it only enabled them for them to take advantage, but, my heart was in the right place, while theirs were not.
So after giving it my all to the fullest extent down to the last wire, and it still didn't work out, it was just time to say goodbye to the old and move on immediately.
Luckily, and not to be arrogant, I still have the charm, looks, and confidence to find someone new. And hopefully, that person will be worthy of what I have to offer.

We're all trying to help dark days and we spend time here trying to pull people through bad times. Van's only trying to help and so am I!:)

I know that, and you all have helped tremendously. Don't take what I said to offence. I was simply explaining myself.
I enjoy my experience on here.

Im sure you do.
And your intentions are yours. But not everyone is meant to be together.
Want what you want or you.

Its more about being aware for the next time.

While you are using your charm, use your gut.

And yes, there's lots of amazing people out there. Just make sure.

When my ex-wife used to leave and come back multiple times during our marriage. After the final time of that back in 2006, I met my ex-girlfriend 2 weeks after and never looked back.

Seems your repeating that pattern again. Will you be getting her pregnant too?

Im sure you do.
And your intentions are yours. But not everyone is meant to be together.
Want what you want or you.

Its more about being aware for the next time.

While you are using your charm, use your gut.

And yes, theres lots of amazing people out there. Just make sure.

Of course. When I met my ex-girlfriend, I noticed she didn't have any of the flaws of my ex-wife, so at the time I thought she would be a good choice. Then after three months together, she got pregnant with our son. It wasn't until then that I saw some of the deeper dark things about her. She knew she had me hooked because of being pregnant with my child. And I put up with a lot.
So anyway, of course I have learned from that experience. First thing, Im definitely not going to get someone else pregnant, no matter if they want to have my child or not. I think four is enough, and Im already disappointed that none of them have their own family anymore. And of course any signs that show me anything weird about them.

Seems your repeating that pattern again. Will you be getting her pregnant too?

Of course not.

Of course. When I met my ex-girlfriend, I noticed she didn't have any of the flaws of my ex-wife, so at the time I thought she would be a good choice. Then after three months together, she got pregnant with our son. It wasn't until then that I saw some of the deeper dark things about her. She knew she had me hooked because of being pregnant with my child. And I put up with alot.
So anyway, of course I have learned from that experience. First thing, Im definitely not going to get someone else pregnant, no matter if they want to have my child or not. I think four is enough, and Im already disappointed that none of them have their own family anymore. And of course any signs that show me anything weird about them.

I think one was enough. Get your head together. Those four kids need stability in their lives. Use a condom.:(

Its about you. First.

Dig into that. Before your next move.

I think one was enough. Get your head together. Those four kids need stability in their lives. Use a condom.:(

Don't worry, I definitely will. I've lost my trust in women to be stable enough to have a family with.

Don't worry, I definitely will. I've lost my trust in women to be stable enough to have a family with.

You already have four kids! How do you support them? Relationships shouldn't always mean having children. How in the worl do you think these innocent childre are feeling? You talk more about your feelings and only mention your kids when you are asked. You complain about the way you feel, but how do your children feel? Who supports them? How often do you see them?

Anyone can get a woman pregnant, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy. You are starting to tick me off dark. :mad:

When you say family, not sure what you mean, anymore. My dear friends are my family, too.

Priorities again. You and your son are family. Without her to confuse you.

Work on yourself, man.
Take the time.

Be that together person and look for that in others.

Only repeat good things, and look for more or them.

You already have four kids! How do you support them? Relationships shouldn't always mean having children. How in the worl do you think these innocent childre are feeling? You talk more about your feelings and only mention your kids when you are asked. You complain about the way you feel, but how do your children feel? Who supports them? How often do you see them?

Anyone can get a woman pregnant, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy. you are starting to tick me off dark. :mad:

And your starting to tick me off Kat, and I don't really care for your codemning demeaner at all.
First of all, Im not on here because I have issues with my kids, because I don't. I came onto the relationships board to talk about the relationship, not my kids. I don't think I need to, I don't need to keep bringing up my kids to you to prove that I love and care for them to please you.
I support my kids, and I wanted them to have a family. I am the one in these relationships that was committed to giving them a family. I never left them, they left. I am a real man and a very good father, so where ever you get your little inclination that Im not, well, it's not coming from me. It seems you have personal issues.
Any woman can get knocked up, but it takes a real woman to give their child a family.

When you say family, not sure what you mean, anymore. My dear friends are my family, too.

Priorities again. You and your son are family. Without her to confuse you.

Work on yourself, man.
Take the time.

Be that together person and look for that in others.

Only repeat good things, and look for more or them.

When I say family, I mean my children growing up with their mother and father together. That's a family that they deserve. Having children and then breaking up is to me a dishonor to having the child in the first place.

Like I said, learning from things.

The things that don't go as planned. And why.

Like I said, learning from things.

The things that dont go as planned. And why.

Exactly, and that's why I don't want any more children. I've learned not to trust women as far as having a child with them.
Then, if the relationship breaks, no children are affected.
Women don't seem to me to be able to carry on life long commitments, and that's what I've learned from experience.

And your starting to tick me off Kat, and I don't really care for your codemning demeaner at all.
First of all, Im not on here because I have issues with my kids, because I don't. I came onto the relationships board to talk about the relationship, not my kids. I don't think I need to, as a matter of fact I don't need to keep bringing up my kids to you to prove that I love and care for them to please you.
I support my kids, and I wanted them to have a family. I am the one in these relationships that was commited to giving them a family. I never left them, they left. I am a real man and a very good father, so where ever you get your little inclination that Im not, well, it's not coming from me. It seems you have personal issues.
Any woman can get knocked up, but it takes a real woman to give their child a family.

My four kids are grown and living productive lives. My husband and I were always there for them. The had a stable homelife. A stable homelife is where the mother and father put their kids first. We aren't the ones here asking for help you are and you just seem to go on and on and on about how you feel and what's good for you. You also cannot take constructive criticism. Good luck.

You say you signed on here about your relationship, not to talk about kids.

Then talk about family.

Our whole existence is about relationships. From the day were able to formulate one. And the ones we have after, and how we went about them.

Concentrate on the things that matter most. Again priorities.

You got a new job right? And a new son?

Change is good.

My four kids are grown and living productive lives. My husband and I were always there for them. The had a stable homelife. A stable homelife is where the mother and father put their kids first. We aren't the ones here asking for help you are and you just seem to go on and on and on about how you feel and whats good for you. You also cannot take constructive criticism. Good luck.

And I applaud you and your husband for doing what was right. Raising your children together. That's exactly throughout this whole thread I've been talking about and is pretty much the whole point. Trust me, if I didn't have a child with her, I would have never thought twice about the breakup. My whole persistence in trying to save this relationship was to give my child the family he deserves.
But, because of her immature attitude and lack of morals, it's impossible to give him that. When my ex-wife and I had our first born, I was instantaneously committed to doing what was right. And as far as any problems her and I would face in our relationship, my commitment says to work things out and evolve our lives together so not only can we have a better relationship, but our children have a solid foundation on which to grow up properly and happily in a secure family.
When my ex-girlfriend got pregnant, I made the same commitment.
I never had casual sex to any woman. It was love and commitment, so it wasn't like I was just out messing around.
It was them that couldn't maintain the commitment, not me. Understand?
As you and your husband had made that commitment, and you apparently know what it takes, so have I. But it takes two, doesn't it.
I did all I could do.

You say you signed on here about your relationship, not to talk about kids.

Then talk about family.

Our whole existence is about relationships. From the day were able to formulate one. And the ones we have after, and how we went about them.

Concentrate on the things that matter most. Again priorities.

You got a new job right? And a new son?

Change is good.

I am. Im putting the impossible past behind and moving on. New job, yes. My son, well he's two years old.

And I applaud you and your husband for doing what was right. Raising your children together. That's exactly throughout this whole thread I've been talking about and is pretty much the whole point. Trust me, if I didn't have a child with her, I would have never thought twice about the breakup. My whole persistence in trying to save this relationship was to give my child the family he deserves.
But, because of her immature attitude and lack of morals, it's impossible to give him that. When my ex-wife and I had our first born, I was instantaneously commited to doing what was right. And as far as any problems her and I would face in our relationship, my commitment says to work things out and evolve our lives together so not only can we have a better relationship, but our children have a solid foundation on which to grow up properly and happily in a secure family.
When my ex-girlfriend got pregnant, I made the same exact commitment.
I never had casual sex to any woman. It was love and commitment, so it wasn't like I was just out messing around.
It was them that couldn't maintain the commitment, not me. Understand?
As you and your husband had made that commitment, and you apparently know what it takes, so have I. But it takes two, doesn't it.
I did all I could do.

How many children do you have by the ex wife, ex girlfriend?

Just not the right women for you.

Maybe that's the whole thing. Need a woman & a family to complete.

Start with yourself first.

Just not the right women for you.

Maybe thats the whole thing. Need a woman & a family to complete.

Start with yourself first.

Exactly, couldn't agree more with that first sentence.

How many children do you have by the ex wife, ex girlfriend?

I have two sons and a daughter with my ex-wife. They are 12, 7, and 5
I have one son with my ex-girlfriend. He is 2

Very easy to blame the female for being flawed, but what's telling is the only thing they have in common is you. Hmm, wonder what factor that plays in the equation? Or what it says in your choice of females? Either way, it could stand a bit of honest evaluation.

Very easy to blame the female for being flawed, but whats telling is the only thing they have in common is you. Hmm, wonder what factor that plays in the equation? Or what it says in your choice of females?? Either way, it could stand a bit of honest evaluation.

Couldn't have said better! I mean that!:)

Hello?

Hello?

Sorry Van did I grab a thread?

Very easy to blame the female for being flawed, but whats telling is the only thing they have in common is you. Hmm, wonder what factor that plays in the equation? Or what it says in your choice of females?? Either way, it could stand a bit of honest evaluation.

Well Tal, in all honesty, I have evaluated it.
With my ex-wife, it was more of me working a lot and not giving her the time she needed, but at the time I had a lot going on with the new house and everything else we had, so I had to work a lot. She didn't want to work, so it was all my burden. Then she spent too much money at one time and put us into some debt. To save what we had, I had to cut her off all credit cards and bank accounts. If she wanted money, she had to ask me. I couldn't trust her. Needless to say, she got tired of that and left.
My ex-girlfriend had issues I knew nothing about until after she was already pregnant with our son. Too many issues to go into right now, it would be a book to write

Nope. I meant hellooooooooowww??

Nope. I meant hellooooooooowww????

Thanks! You give really great advice!:)

Now learn from all of that.
Stop the blame & take some responsibility. Then, now & the next day.

Write your own book. The one of how you started taking charge of your life.

Not blaming bad choices. Scratch that, include that in your new book.

My ex-girlfriend had issues I knew nothing about until after she was already pregnant with our son. Too many issues to go into right now, it would be a book to write
Trying to make a family with a female just because they are there makes no sense and you can see that you jump in rather fast when its going good, then find out later that the are not right for you.

I highly suggest you stop getting carried away with these females you choose, and get to know if the are a good fit by finding out before you get carried away. That takes time, more than a few months, as the lust maybe distracting you from seeing their true nature.

If you don't it's a crap shoot with the choices in females you make, whether the are really wife material, because frankly, I don't think your paying that close attention when you choose them.

Their issues, and shortcomings, and your failure to find out about them, are what keep this cycle of bad choices going, so that's where your changes need to be made. Take more time to see if they are a good fit, before you get all gung ho, over being a family.

I agree with Talaniman. What these women might just be showing in the beginning is what they think you are looking for in a woman, but is just a false personna of who they really are. And they do this just to get you to take the bate. Once you made a commitment to them, as in having a child with them, or marriage, they show their true personality because they now know they already have you. It seems through your testimony on here, that's exactly what happened. And don't get me wrong. I think you have very admirable intentions. Your heart and loyalty was there, and maybe you had the tools it takes to have a great relationship and family, but they simply do not.
This is the lesson you need to learn, to take much more time to get to know the women you meet. It doesn't take living with them, having children with them, or even marrying them to get to the true side of their nature. In time without those things, people do end of showing their true colours, and showing signs of who they really are. And as you stated, when you don't have any of these commitments with them, it's much easier to walk away from. And there won't be any children caught in the middle resulting from the terrible relationship you came out of.

I agree with Talaniman. What these women might just be showing in the beginning is what they think you are looking for in a woman, but is just a false personna of who they really are. And they do this just to get you to take the bate. Once you made a commitment to them, as in having a child with them, or marriage, they show their true personality because they now know they already have you. It seems through your testimony on here, that's exactly what happened. And don't get me wrong. I think you have very admirable intentions. Your heart and loyalty was there, and maybe you had the tools it takes to have a great relationship and family, but they simply do not.
This is the lesson you need to learn, to take much more time to get to know the women you meet. It doesn't take living with them, having children with them, or even marrying them to get to the true side of their nature. In time without those things, people do end of showing their true colours, and showing signs of who they really are. And as you stated, when you don't have any of these commitments with them, it's much easier to walk away from. And there won't be any children caught in the middle resulting from the terrible relationship you came out of.

I didn't expect things to go the way they did. I guess I just have more trust in people than I should. And I did learn that lesson, the hard way. I will be taking more time to get to know who they really are from now on.

Trust and all that comes from within. Our skillset when it come to relationships. Or lack thereof.

First things first

Get to know who you really are first. Don't say "they" say "you.

Trust and all that comes from within. Our skillset when it come to relationships. Or lack thereof.

First things first

Get to know who you really are first. Dont say "they" say "you.

Vanheart, I already know who I am. To be honest though, I did lose some of that throughout these past three years with her. I know who I was, and trying to get that back again.
For me, I realized some things since I've last been on here. Who I was, and part of who Iam, still has strong moral values. My values tell me, to make a relationship work, both people have to be on board, even in the rough times, and stick it out and work through it before they ever expect to have a life together. She simply didn't have that capacity or moral values as I have. Because of this, no matter what happened, whether I was right or wrong about other things I may have or may have not did, the relationship would have never lasted without her full commitment as well. I don't actually think it's because of me or her past boyfriends, or anyone she will ever meet again. She just isn't stable enough for anyone to have a long lasting relationship, or let alone a family with her.
I was fooled in the beginning. I was also naïve. And I do not and will not no matter what, blame myself for any of it. Because you can't get through problems or anything else with anyone who sin't there half the time.
By the way, that girl I met at the bank last night gave me a call. We talked for a while, and decided to get together two Friday nights from now. We emailed each other briefly today and we are both looking forward to it.
Now, another slight problem I need to deal with immediately. Im very happy with this new adventure to come, but thinking that it could actually work between her and me scares me a little. Maybe Im making too much of it, but the thought that I would have to put my ex behind me for good in order to build any kind of relationship with this new girl is a little depressing. I know I need to do it, but it's a little harder than I thought.

"but thinking that it could actually work between her and me scares me a little"

I would be too. Especially because you aren't even close to healing from the last one. Let alone don't really know this person & vis-versa.

Don't be depressed by that. That's has seemed to be part of the issue all along. Getting with the wrong women and not being in touch with yourself first.

No matter how much would are certain we know you we are, there's always more. Taking a very hard and honest look at ourselves.

Read Tal's last post.

"but thinking that it could actually work between her and me scares me a little"

I would be too. Especially because you arent even close to healing from the last one. Let alone dont really know this person & vis-versa.

Dont be depressed by that. Thats has seemed to be part of the issue all along. Getting with the wrong women and not being in touch with yourself first.

No matter how much would are certain we know you we are, theres always more. Taking a very hard and honest look at ourselves.

Read Tal's last post.

I just don't know why things have to be so stupid and complicated in relatiionships. If my ex would have just taken our relationship seriously, things owuldn't be so confusing.

Well, that's in the past now.

Take a step back. You aren't in any rush now. Unless its about rushing the healing process.

Ive been single now for almost a year. First time a LONG time.

And Im digging it. Sure I miss the idea of having someone, but for the wrong reasons. Like filling some void or misdirected intentions.

Did that before and it ended up biting me in the you know where.

Its actually been a godsend. Ive been able to use this getting to know myself a bit better. For me first. Others later.

Im not too worried about "finding" someone, but I sure as hell aren't searching. When its right, I will know.

All because I took the time.

Hey Vanheart, do you have any kids? Ever been married? How old are you?

We went through this. Been married. No kids.
Im 45.

We went through this. Been married. No kids.
Im 45.

Oh, sorry. Thanks.

No prob.

Everyone's story is different. But the common thread (as I see it)
Is learning from our mistakes & successes. To repeat what works and apply more of that, and remove or change what hasn't.

The key is becoming in touch with ourselves. Working hard at that.

Ive spent a lot of time neglecting those things.

All right, here's the latest. I need someone's take on this.
A few weeks go, I decided to limit contact with my ex-girlfriend to only asking about our son very occasionally. Last weekend, Saturday night very late, she calls me telling me how mad she is at me for things not working out and telling me she loves me I think she was drinking also. Through this past week, she emailed me saying she was sorry for calling me and said she wouldn't do it again. I said it was OK, but wanted to know if she meant what she was saying. She said she did, and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up next Friday night for a movie, and Saturday spend time with her and our son again at the park and maybe cook out. I said yes, of course.
But I just don't know how to think about all this or what to make of her, or why all of a sudden she wants to get together again.

Probably limiting contact has got her wondering what you are up to.
(not focusing on her)

Hence the drunk call.

I would play this the same. You & your son come first.
Don't rely her to make your decisions.

Probably limiting contact has got her wondering what you are up to.
(not focusing on her)

Hence the drunk call.

I would play this the same. You & your son come first.
Dont rely her to make your decisions.

Yeah, but what about getting together with her next week? I said I would. Shouldn't I?

What does your gut say?

This kind of said it:

"But I just don't know how to think about all this or what to make of her, or why all of a sudden she wants to get together again.

Go back & read Tals post about relying too much on women in order to make you happy.

Maybe keep the son day & nix the movie date.

Sounds a bit fishy. She been fine w/o you & visa-versa for the past few weeks.

But what bad could come from seeing a movie with her?
What do you think her motives are, if any?

That's the question I guess, her motives and yours. People don't change in a matter of weeks.

I love movies. So much that I even go alone sometimes.

Here's something from your OP:

"I've tried to let go of her many times, then she'll come back after I tried moving on to get me back, and I go back but she treats me bad again"

I don't know, I guess my motives are to spend some time with her, I still do love her. Just wish I knew what hers was.
But I have been doing some thinking about it. I think it would be a good oppurtunity to have a serious talk with her, face to face. Probably after the movie.

Yo, dark.

We all want you to be happy & get those thing in life that you want.

But, all Im seeing is the same ill-patterns repeated. The definition of madness. Look it up.

You break-up, she talks sweet, and you come running back, only for her to treat you like crap again.

Silly actually.

Ive been there. In love with someone that treated me like crap.
Helps redefine what love really is.

Someone's got to change. Im hoping its you by stopping the madness.

Well, I was thinking of just telling her that if she wants things to work, then it's all or nothing. Both feet in or out, not one in and the other out.
And then after that, if she decides to give me a bunch of excuses or say she needs time, or any of that nonsense, then I'll just let her go completely.
Believe it or not, I have been using this time apart to re-evaluate the situation for what it really is, and have opened my eyes to a lot of things. I am really tired of the games. So I'll give it the one last ditch effort just to see what she decides now once and for all.
What do you think?
Maybe to at least give it closure, for my own sake.

Your not ready Dark for any serious talk. It leads back to the same pattern as before. Until you are, just enjoy seeing your son, and leave it at that.

That's all you need to be lured back to the same pattern of behavior that brought you here in the first place.

Understand that you are connected by a child, but you to are poison. Mainly because it only takes a few good days for you to get carried away again, and think its finally going to be different THIS time. It won't, just because you don't know how to take the good, enjoy it, and realize the bad is coming, and back away. That's why you forget the serious talk. Because you will never have what you fully want from her, and seriously need to recognize it.

She has her itch she needs to scratch, and can be very nice, but when the itch is scratched again, she no longer needs you.

Stop the pattern, stop the false hope, and stop pushing. Let her scratch her own itch.

Better listen to VAN, stop the madness.

"I am really tired of the games"

So, don't play them anymore. Words vs. actions.

"I'll give it the one last ditch effort"

Boy doesn't that sound optimistic.

I would think that you've already had a sense of closure already.
You're just fixated on her still. Nothing has really changed.

Here it is again:

"I know she doesn't love me anymore. She blames me for everything that went wrong between us. I've tried to let go of her many times, then she'll come back after I tried moving on to get me back, and I go back but she treats me bad again. Im so weak when it comes to her."

When love works, we don't have to even worry about it. Regardless of who its with. (Friends, family, romantic, etc... )

Its comprised of mutual trust, honesty, growth, compassion, etc.
It feels good.

Doesn't sound like this feels good.

Your just hell bent on having this be your family.

So Tal, you don't think going to a movie with her is a good idea?
And Van, what is so wrong on wanting to have the family? Isn't my son worth it?

Not with her. Movie or family.

You're not listening. The whole time.

You just want everyone here to validate your bad decisions. To just go & do what you want anyway.

Tal made a great point:

"Because you will never have what you fully want from her, and seriously need to recognize it."

You refuse to recognize. That's it right there.

So Tal, you don't think going to a movie with her is a good idea?

Lousy idea, as you will only ruin it with getting serious, pressing for what you can't have, and end up miserable and confused again.

You have not gotten to that point you deal with the reality of your situation, and leave the fantasy alone.


is so wrong on wanting to have the family? Isn't my son worth it?

That been our point the whole time. You will never be a family as long as she is in it, just because you two work really lousy together. You will never have a stable relationship with her, nor with any one else for that matter if the only family you see is with her.

By family, I assume a happy one is what you want, and no way does that happen.

But why does Tal say that Im not ready for a serious talk with her? I know what I want and what it takes to make a relationship and family work.

What you want isn't & hasn't worked. Even at this second.

Total fantasy.

Oy, still not listening.

Lousy idea, as you will only ruin it with getting serious, pressing for what you can't have, and end up miserable and confused again.

So, it would be me that would be the problem?

Have you ever thought about your skills as a partner?

Put you're anxious needs aside.

Time to dig deep into who darkdays really is.

Past mistakes.

Re-evaluate yourself. And how you don't really care to listen.

Have you ever thought about your skills as a partner?

Put youre anxious needs aside.

Time to dig deep into who darkdays really is.

Past mistakes.

Re-evaluate yourself. And how you dont really care to listen.

Ok, whatever that means.

My point exactly.

My point exactly.

What point? Make it already. What, that I don't listen? Listen to who, you, or the ex? You make a statement, but don''t refer to what your even talking about.
I really appreciate your input Van, but some of the things you say might be clear in your mind as your writing them, but Im no mind reader. Im just trying to figure this out, that's why Im asking questions, to get answers, and I listen to all them.

But why does Tal say that Im not ready for a serious talk with her? I know what I want and what it takes to make a relationship and family work.

Did I miss something the last 20 pages? You haven't proven that. The facts are not on your side.

Did I miss something the last 20 pages? You haven't proven that. The facts are not on your side.

Ok, so your saying Im the problem in the relationship, not her. Is that it?

Ok, whatever that means.

That means you only see this from one side, YOURS! So you keep going about this whole thing from the same perspective, and need more time to see a bigger, more clear picture. A relationship requires an understanding of both sides, not just one. That's why this will never work, because you only approach the side that you can see, to get what you want. Until you learn how to back up, you will always be too close to see what you need to. Yes its you that has to change your entire approach, because what ever you're doing isn't working.

When it doesn't work, you DON'T keep doing it.

Ok, so your saying Im the problem in the relationship, not her. Is that it?

Basically yes. For the reasons given above. Faulty data, ignoring the facts.

That means you only see this from one side, YOURS!! So you keep going about this whole thing from the same perspective, and need more time to see a bigger, more clear picture. A relationship requires an understanding of both sides, not just one. Thats why this will never work, because you only approach the side that you can see, to get what you want. Until you learn how to back up, you will always be too close to see what you need to. Yes its you that has to change your entire approach, because what ever you're doing isn't working.

When it doesn't work, you DON'T keep doing it.

All right, well, I guess I can understand that.
Now what if I went to a movie with her, just as friends, on a friendly basis, and didn't get into any heavy conversation about anything. Just enjoyed our time together and leave it at that, and just back off the whole relationship bit, and see where things go on their own, or if they do. Do you think there would be any harm in that?

Well, back to that. Still not listening.

You don't want to be a friend, remember?

Isn't this the new question asked again?

Like Tal said: Did he miss something in 30 pages?

Ok, so don't go at all, right? Either going as her boyfriend, or just a friend, it's a bad idea. Either way Im screwed and it's wrong. I just can't win either way, can I? No matter what, everyone thinks it's always a bad idea to have anything to do with her, and it's all my fault somehow.
Sorry guys, but Im more confused now then when I first asked a question here on this forum weeks ago.
Thanks anyway, but now I think I need a strong drink and some counseling, or maybe a priest.

Yup its wrong.

Sorry to disappoint you.

You're only confused because you have tunnel vision and haven't really soaked in the advice.

Maybe read your thread through a few thousand times.

A drink isn't going to help, but a counselor, great idea.

Now we are getting somewhere. Nothing wrong with enjoying your baby mama one on one, but when it gets deep, and confusing, back off.

The thing is, I feel your still at the point where your coping skill will not allow you the luxury of making those kinds of adjustments without confusion, or be able to handle her actions, in any meaningful way.

I really feel because your still obsessed with making this work, you will again be sucked in until she spits you out... AGAIN. That's why I really think personal one on one interactions AT THIS TIME will do a lot more harm than good.

I still think your best course of actions is for you to develop a whole lot more skills at staying objective, being able to recognize where your own feelings are leading you, and doing what's right, as opposed to trying to get what you want, which is not realistic, or practical, AT THIS TIME.

YOU NEED A LOT MORE TIME TO HEAL BUDDY before you can process what this situation really comes down to. You trying to force something that just won't fit. Give yourself that time by doing away with unrealistic expectations brought on by too much feelings, and not enough facts.

Then her own mixed up feelings will no longer confuse you, nor drive you wacky, because you will know how to deal with it. That takes time, and you do this for your own clarity. Life is not about rushing to get something, its about you working to keep something. Your sanity, and happiness. Woman or no!

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it’s so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Talaniman Rule-Love yourself enough to never allow any one to treat you badly. If they do, LEAVE.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

FACTS

She is your babies mama, not your soul mate

You work lousy together

You don't understand each other

Your too pessimistic when you don't get your way

Your to closed minded to accept new ideas or ways of thinking.

You are afraid to act outside your own comfort zone

You don't analyze facts well, and make adjustments

You don't plan or think before you act or speak

Not try to be harsh or put you down, but you have a lot of personal growth to do, or you can say the hell with all that work, and do what your doing now.

If you quit on yourself though, then you will never no the joy and power accomplishment brings, or the value of planning for what you want and being able to enjoy it.

Now that's depressing, so listen up, and get busy on your own happiness that doesn't include any one but your son.

Thanks Tal, you have great advice, and that's where I feel that I am, with most of what you just said.
Ok, I realize I was probably off base with saying I should have a serious talk with her. She's not in any position to make a serious decisuion about things, and this could be very well another one of her ploys to suck me back in to scratch her itch so to speak just to spit me out all over again, so that was a bad idea.
I would just like to go, for one, because I do enjoy being with her when we do get along. And for another, maybe realized more so now, that I can be fine with or without her, and not need to show anything but just being in a friendly way, and avoid anything deep.
By the way, when she did call last weekend, she asked about the girl I told her about in the message I left her, and I told her I was still going to see that girl, and I held myself in the conversation very well. She told me she loves me, but I didn't say so back, and I didn't talk about us at all. I just acted like I was fine and going on with my life. And the truth of it was I actually was. None of it was an act at all. Im not desperate for her or the relationship. I would like to see it all work out, but I realize I can't make it happen or force her to be something or someone she's not. She needs to decide that for herself.

Amazing advice from Tal on both of those. Says everything at this stage.

I hope you take some time to let that soak in. And get a REAL game plan together, no more fantasies.

There's no blame. We are all personally responsible for our mistakes & successes. Including me.

That's what I meant about digging deeper into who darkdays is and the decisions you make in the future.

Ok everybody, I guess you were all right and you told me so.
Last night, me and my ex were to meet up for that movie. During the day, we emailed each other, and we were telling each other how excited we were to see each other again. Everything was going great. Then aboutr two hours before we were to meet, she calls. By the way she was talking, I thought she might have been drinking. I can usually tell. So I said something about it, and she asked why I thought she was, and I told her. Then she says it's probably just from her allergy medication she took. Yeah right, I knew she was. Not that I really cared, but I know how she is. So she tells me we can forget about our date. After nearly two weeks of planning it, and talking about it all that time, she cancels. So I said fine, and hung up. Then she calls me back again ten minutes later and asked me if we were meeting up. I said, I thought you just said you didn't want to go now. Then she tells me to stop playing games. What?
So anyway, I told her Im going there whether she goes or not. And she says just forget it. So I go, and I end up meeting some people I didn't really know, but we were talking in the parking lot. One of them was a black female. And we were having a great conversation. So then my ex pulls by, sees me and this girl talking, and shouts out something about me being into n*****s now, and drives off. Luckily the girl I was talking to didn't get offended, she just laughed it off, and I apologized for it anyway, but she said she didn't care. So as we are still standing there talking, my ex comes back again. She just sits there staring at me and this girl talking. So we left to go somewhere else. My ex kept trying to call me over and over on my cell, but I didn't answer. By the way, nothing happened between this new girl I met, we ended up having a few drinks and socializing with some people she knew. It was all just a social things, nothing major.
So this morning, my ex calls, cussing me out and accusing me of all kinds of stuff. I hung up on her and she kept calling back over and over again. I told her I didn't want to talk to her unless it was about our son, and she says I'll never see him again and everything else.
So I called her mother and told her to tell her daughter to grow up and stop calling me or I will call the police about it, and that I didn't want to do that. As far as my son, her mother told me she will make sure I can see him and she will deal with that. And today, I went by to pick up my son to spend some time with him, and there were no problems. I didn't have to deal with my ex at all, her mother took care of it.
Well, I think I finally learned my lesson. And I did tell my ex's mother to let her know that I never want anything more to do with her daughter unless it comes to my son, and to tell her that.
You guys were all right. It was just a vicious cycle she would repeat over and over. It seemed like all she wanted me to do was bow down to her and take all her crap all the time. That's not love, and not any love I want anymore.

Good for you darkdays , I'm glad she showed her true colors before you wasted anymore time on her.

I hope you can now go back and read some of our posts and realise what we were actually saying , because sometimes when your in an emotional state it doesn't sink in or make sense.

Good for you darkdays , I'm glad she showed her true colors before you wasted anymore time on her.

I hope you can now go back and read some of our posts and realise what we were actually saying , because sometimes when your in an emotional state it doesn't sink in or make sense.

Thanks friend4you.
I guess I just had to finally go through more of it just to finally have enough. I can't believe agter two weeks of planning, she just ruins it again. Well, actually I guess I can. I wonder if she willl try to work me into her some more again? Even if she does, Im going to stand strong. She will never change. It's almost like she just gets worse. But I just wonder if she will. But at least now she can't use my son to get her way. Her mom is on my side when it comes to that.

Thanks friend4you.
I guess I just had to finally go through more of it just to finally have enough. I can't believe agter two weeks of planning, she just ruins it again. Well, actually I guess I can. I wonder if she willl try to work me into her some more again? Even if she does, Im going to stand strong. She will never change. It's almost like she just gets worse. But I just wonder if she will. But at least now she can't use my son to get her way. Her mom is on my side when it comes to that.

My bet is she will :cool:

My bet is she will :cool:

I wouldn't know why she would. The way she acts, she doesn't seem like she cares about me very much. There's so much I don't think I'll ever understand.

I wouldn't know why she would. The way she acts, she doesn't seem like she cares about me very much. There's so much I don't think I'll ever understand.

I do!
Because it seems this girl has some serious control issues, and your not obeying her. Doesn't it seem funny that she'll keep playing these games with you when she doesn't get things exactly the way she wants? Your not being a good boy and playing by her little rules!
Good for you! It's about time you stood up like a man for yourself!
Let that little girl play her games else where, and maintain your standards and sense of self. And it seems that her mother has your back when it comes to your rights to your son, so now you don't have to go through all the idiot motions with the childish one to see your boy.
Sorry that the family thing didn't work out, but don't blame yourself. You did all you could do. That girl has too many issues that you just can't do anything about. Sometimes people just are who they are, and no matter how sensible or justified something might be, they will just never see it, or they do and try to twist things around for their own selfish cause.

Once you have your own rules and lay it down. There will no longer be games dictated by her.

She will realize that very fast. You got to resist her tactics to play with your heart at any cost. (ie: sucking you in or making you feel like crap)

Knowing that she can't play you anymore.

For you, water off a ducks back, so to speak, when she tries...

I have a new question I'd like to ask, and I was told that I should keep it within the same thread as before because it concerns basically the same subject-my in and out, ex-girlfreind.
Her and I have been doing a little talking. She says she was very in love with me, but now she doesn't know how she feels. She says that I have made her that way.
She says her reasons for this is because I have talked to other women, mostly friends, and have talked with other women in a social setting. Now I have never cheated on her, wouldn't think to unless we were broken up, in that case it wouldn't be cheating, but she says it's the way I am around other women. Some of it I don't understand, and the rest that I do is that she thinks I treat them better, but it's usually not that I mean to, it's just that I can get along with other women just fine for one reason is because we can be friends, we are not in a relationship, and we never argue.
My questions about all this is, do women really get that hurt and offeneded when their men talk with other women? And if I hurt her that bad, which I never meant to, I would think that meant that she really did love me and valued having me as her boyfriend. Could she still be in love with me, but can't show it because of all this? And is there any way I might be able to rectify things? Make her feel more secure?
Im really starting to wonder if a lot of our problems and the way she has acted has been a direct result of things I may have done, not intentionally, but things I didn't pay attention to that hurt her.
I'd appreciate any input I can get. Im really trying hard to figure this out.
It doesn't make me feel too good knowing that I made her feel this way.

You have reacted to her on/off behavior, and she is always going to be suspicious of you whether you deserve it or not. Sometime we can't anticipate how people will react, but we can always let them deal with their own issues and not take them personally. For whatever reason, she can't be pleased by you so stop trying. Be honest and direct instead, and let her deal with herself, and the way she reacts.