My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago (we are in college) after dating for a year and a half. There was quite a bit of stress/buisiness in his life at the time which caused arguments in the relationship. When he broke up with me he said he was unhappy and could tell I was, but he still loved me more than he had anyone else and he wanted to be alone and single (hasn't been single since 7th grade). He said he wanted to stay "friends because I am such a good girl and he cares about me so much". Now I'm confused because he contacts me EVERYDAY at least 3 times a day. He sends me "goodnight texts" every night like he did in our relationship saying I'm a beautiful good girl and to have sweet dreams and he misses me.. blah blah. Hes asked me on two "dates" where he has paid and wants me to take him on a date tomorrow. Yet if I mention anything about this stuff having to stop eventually when he gets a new girlfriend, he says he's not going to get one and they won't have to stop.. yet he still acts like he wants to be single. (minus the fact that he contacts me almost as much as he did when we were in a relationship?) I want him back, but right now I just talk to him and listen to him about his day etc.. Advice?/what should I do?


I feel like he might just be feeding me a bunch of bs to try to make me feel better.. but its been going on for a month now.. I wanted to do the no contact thing.. but Idk if I'm strong enough?

I would think that when a partner breaks the commitment off but still showers you with attention, they are only leaving there options open for other, better opportunities.

Its brilliant since your OFFICIALLY broken up, they just call less and less because they are busy with more important things, than you.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them break your heart TWICE! Didn't it hurt enough the first time?

Talaniman rules- When you get dumped, why go back, and get dumped again.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush
I think false hope of getting back together has you allowing him to do as he pleases when the thing to do after a break up is disappear and let them miss you and wonder why you are no longer available. Be honest, can't you see besides being dumped how you would feel when he shows you less attention?

You will never heal from the break up while you still have the feelings stirred up by continuing to be in any kind of contact with him.

Thank you for this!
All of this I'm thinking and doing is probably all too similar to everyone else..
I know I should do NC, but I feel like he thinks we have come so far since the break up.. and I feel like I'm showing him a better side of me w/o the stressful arguing.. yeah I guess I have the whole "false hope" thing :( sometimes I know he needs someone there and I want to be there, but really all that has happened is now he has control, and he can text me when he wants and call me when he wants while (whether he knows it or not,) I'm somewhat waiting for it. He is a good guy though, so it is so hard for me to believe that he is just keeping me on the side?
I don't feel like I'm strong enough to completely stop contact.
I've only come so far as to make sure he's the only one that contacts me though, and I respond.. we haven't gone a single day without talking, in fact our contact has only increased... (almost never talking about the relationship though). Should I go on the date tomorrow?

Don't go on the date, my ex pulled this same trick on me.

Wants to break up and be single, yet remain friends and talk. Cept she said possibly we'll give it a go when she's back home in 3 months.

All the guys here told me to cut contact. Im a little doormat and haven't yet done it and can't seem to.

Now this girl is contacting me, everyday just like she used to while we were going out. Yet we isn't going out.

Since I still haven't built the courage to cut contact yet, Im just letting her do the contacting and I only answer.

I'd say no to the date.

How do people pull these stunts. Say to him that you're doing exactly the same routine as when you were together except now you're not officially together. That's not on.

After reading your story, I think in my own situation I'd be better to completely disappear and you would too!

Dont go on the date, my ex pulled this exact same trick on me.

Wants to break up and be single, yet remain friends and talk. Cept she said possibly we'll give it a go when shes back home in 3 months.

All the guys here told me to cut contact. Im a little doormat and havent yet done it and can't seem to.

Now this girl is contacting me, everyday just like she used to while we were going out. Yet we aint going out.

Since I still havent built the courage to cut contact yet, Im just letting her do the contacting and I only answer.

I'd say no to the date.

How do people pull these stunts. Say to him that you're doing exactly the same routine as when you were together except now you're not officially together. Thats not on.

After reading your story, I think in my own situation I'd be better to completely disappear and you would too!!

It helps to know someone else is in this situation, although its awful. I feel exactly like a doormat a very USED doormat sometimes, and I get really upset with it but I put a smile on whenever he calls me or texts me.

I want to disappear but it's like breaking up all over again? Only a little better because the ball would be in my court. I just don't want zero contact to ruin my chances of having a relationship with him.

I guess he will miss me, but maybe it will force him to make a decision about us? I also don't want to be a cushion for the break up until he completely moves on.. if that's even what he is doing.. but I kind of am being one right?

Yes you, are and that's my point. Why should you be feeling bad, full of hope, and he has all the options.

You are also afraid to call him, yet he calls at will, knowing you are AVAILABLE, but is he available to you for what you want? Tell me how fair that is, and why is it okay, to not even discuss this issue openly?

Take a stand for yourself, I mean you have already broken up, so disappear.

He's probably wanting to screw around and have fun.
He wants you, probably mostly, and does like you and being around you..
But he doesn't want the bf/gf label because of the commitment that goes with it..
So if he gets caught BSing or with another girl its "but you're not even my girlfriend"

.. here's what you should do..
Just graduallly become more and more distant. This will show him that if he doesn't make a move, you're going to fade away.
Start to cut him off going out so much, say you're busy with something else. Going to go out with friends. Or something.
Give him the impression that maybe your options are open, he wouldn't want to loose you to someone else.

But still talk to him, be nice to him.. K.I.T
Guys love girls that are chill.
Act like you'll let him do his own thing.. but make it clear that that means the same rules apply to you. When this hits him, things will be a little different.

You want to be in control, but aren't taking the steps.

Once you go NC, you will disable his selfish needs.

(dump you & still want to text, talk & hang, like everythings kosher)

Screw that. Take a stand for the most important person in your life.

YOU.

he's probably wanting to screw around and have fun.
He wants you, probably mostly, and does like you and being around you..
but he doesn't want the bf/gf label because of the committment that goes with it..
so if he gets caught BSing or with another girl its "but you're not even my girlfriend"

.. heres what you should do..
just graduallly become more and more distant. this will show him that if he doesn't make a move, you're gonna fade away.
start to cut him off of going out so much, say you're busy with something else. gonna go out with friends. or something.
give him the impression that maybe your options are open, he wouldn't want to loose you to someone else.

But still talk to him, be nice to him.. K.I.T
guys love girls that are chill.
Act like you'll let him do his own thing.. but make it clear that that means the same rules apply to you. when this hits him, things will be a little different.

He has been partying A lot.. almost every night for a month, where as he never used to. I want him back, but I also don't want to feel strung along..


You want to be in control, but arent taking the steps.

Once you go NC, you will disable his selfish needs.

(dump you & still want to text, talk & hang, like everythings kosher)

Screw that. Take a stand for the most important person in your life.

YOU.

I keep hearing this, but it wouldn't be "me" to just disappear? Should I explain why I'm going to have to do NC? I don't know how to go about it, honestly I'm really scared to do it.. :(

You are thinking the wrong way.

You already are being strung along. By you. By allowing that.

There's a stringer & a stringee. (is that even a word? Hehehehe)

Hes partying & you are left wondering?

Didn't he already say he wants to be single?
TAKE THAT ONE TO HEART!!

That's exactly what my ex told me. I let her.

Went NC after 4 days. Her wish came true.

I blew out the candles for her.

You are thinking the wrong way.

You already are being strung along. By you. By allowing that.

Theres a stringer & a stringee. (is that even a word? hehehehe)

Hes partying & you are left wondering?

Didnt he already say he wants to be single?
TAKE THAT ONE TO HEART!!!!!!!!!!

Thats exactly what my ex told me. I let her.

Went NC after 4 days. Her wish came true.

I blew out the candles for her.

You're right. All the partying is with his poker buddies, every night almost. So I decided to go out a couple of nights.. every night he knew I was going out he texted me aaaall night, and of course made sure to call me. He said he was just so worried about me?. he ALWAYS has to be the hero, just part of his personality I guess, he's so nice to people he's almost a pushover.

NC is easy.

Just never talk to him again.

What's difficult is figuring out you you are & what you want.

If you are worried about sparing his feelings, then don't.
He no longer deserves those. And you no longer deserve to hang on to someone that doesn't want you.

Once realization sets in. You will understand.

And that waiting around for him is ridiculous.
Relationships are mutual. He wants one thing, you want another.

That says it all.

To be true to yourself. That's who really counts.

This isn't the end, just the beginning.

he has been partying ALOT.. almost everynight for a month, where as he never used to. I want him back, but I also don't want to feel strung along.. ?

Going NC is something you have to feel for in your instinct if it's not 100% clear that that's what you should do.
I recommend it a lottt, but in your case I think you would end up feeling worse going NC. I know some people don't agree with me (thanks kp, btw).. but if you really like him and want him back, that's going to keep his attention on you. He needs that reminder that you're there for him and you care.
But like I said, give him his space.. let him get this phase off his chest.
But if you feel its getting out of hand, make sure you draw the line between being a backup or something completely on the side. (update me)

Girl, trust me, I'm going through the same thing right now...
The guy I'm talking to is partying it up in miami this week..
We're not bf/gf though, and the way he started acting distant shortly before his trip really upset me.
But it hit me that he just wants to break the ties for a bit so he can have fun, and meanwhile see if I can hang. If I went NC, I wouldn't be in the back of his mind during his "fun" and may have therefore vanished from his mind. But now I know its me he'll be coming home to.. :)
That really kick back girl that's just amazing and chill.

Now he had his fun, got it out of the way, and is ready to be with the one he knows won't give him drama or play mind games with him all the time. The one that was there all along. And now I'm here with open arms. Because I really like him, and he's worth it to me.

Hi I'm not the best person but I'll try staying friends is bad because your going to be alone and he's not going to get with you he makes you think that but he don't want to be with you a boy did the same to me if I was you I ask him if you want to be with me than be with me if not than leave me alone that's what I did

Hmm partying. My ex isn't actually doing anything. She's depressed and when she calls me daily and I ask what she's doing, she says she can't be bothered to do anything, she can't even be bothered with herself.

She's turned down invites to go out with her friends the past 2 weekends.

Even so, she said she wants to be SINGLE for her. She already feels crappy and me on her case isn't helping.

Either way, them saying they want to be single, should be enough for us to be hurt by that and disappear.

he has been partying ALOT.. almost everynight for a month, where as he never used to. I want him back, but I also don't want to feel strung along.. ?



I keep hearing this, but it wouldn't be "me" to just dissapear? Should I explain why I'm going to have to do NC? I don't know how to go about it, honestly I'm really scared to do it.. :(

Let me explain this simply.

No Contact is to heal from a break up, so that you can make better decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.

This is not a mind game to make the ex think a darn thing, because its about YOU, and what you need to do for yourself, to see things clearly. This is not even about getting an ex back at all.

While its true, when you do disappear and start doing your own thing and getting yourself together, they wonder what the freak are you doing and do try to find out, but that's not the point, and that's why you ignore them. Why get dragged back into the same thing, with the same result?

This guy dumped you and still has you, plus his freedom, and you sit in limbo hoping. That's not healthy, and NC will enable you to stand on your own two feet, love yourself, and not let someone make you an option when they want to.

That's why you cut contact, ignore them, and do your thing, so you will be happy with who you are, and will not allow yourself to be taken for granted by anyone.

I refer you back to the rules.

going NC is something you have to feel for in your instinct if it's not 100% clear that that's what you should do.
I recommend it a lottt, but in your case i think you would end up feeling worse going NC. I know some people don't agree with me (thanks kp, btw).. but if you really like him and want him back, that's going to keep his attention on you. He needs that reminder that you're there for him and you care.
But like i said, give him his space.. let him get this phase off his chest.
But if you feel its getting out of hand, make sure you draw the line between being a backup or something completely on the side. (update me)

Girl, trust me, I'm going through the same thing right now...
the guy im talking to is partying it up in miami this week..
we're not bf/gf though, and the way he started acting distant shortly before his trip really upset me.
But it hit me that he just wants to break the ties for a bit so he can have fun, and meanwhile see if i can hang. If i went NC, i wouldn't be in the back of his mind during his "fun" and may have therefore vanished from his mind. but now i know its me he'll be coming home to.. :)
that really kick back girl that's just amazing and chill.

now he had his fun, got it out of the way, and is ready to be with the one he knows won't give him drama or play mind games with him all the time. the one that was there all along. and now im here with open arms. Because i really like him, and he's worth it to me.

Okay, I see.. and there is another thing weighing on my mind.. I'm afraid he might be trying to put me in the "friend zone" because the way he is talking to me has changed in the past few days.. actually it flip-flops daily, sometimes he talks to me like a friend, other times like a girlfriend.. is that possible this close after a break up for him to really want to just "be friends".. since we've been talking everyday? How can I keep that from happening if so. I think I need to be making myself a little less available.. cause I'm usually available when HE wants me to be. How can I get away from the friend? I'm getting more and more frustrated with things sometimes.. which is making me think NC might be the way to go... or at least MUCH less contact? I'm still trying to stay relaxed when he talks to me. I just don't know why he wants to talk to me so much still throughout the day I don't even think "friends" talk that much..

Let me explain this simply.

No Contact is to heal from a break up, so that you can make better decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.

This is not a mind game to make the ex think a darn thing, because its about YOU, and what you need to do for yourself, to see things clearly. This is not even about getting an ex back at all.

While its true, when you do disappear and start doing your own thing and getting yourself together, they wonder what the freak are you doing and do try to find out, but thats not the point, and thats why you ignore them. Why get dragged back into the same thing, with the same result?

This guy dumped you and still has you, plus his freedom, and you sit in limbo hoping. Thats not healthy, and NC will enable you to stand on your own two feet, love yourself, and not let someone make you an option when they want to.

Thats why you cut contact, ignore them, and do your thing, so you will be happy with who you are, and will not allow yourself to be taken for granted by anyone.

I refer you back to the rules.

I guess this might be what I have to result to.. I just don't want to hurt worse than I do now. I feel a lot stronger since the break up.. probably just because of him and the fact that I'm getting tired of all this.. maybe that's a sign that I'm getting closer to being able to do NC, I just don't want that to bring me back to where I started since I know I can't respond to him.. he might worry that I'm hurt and come to my apartment.. but I guess that's part of it?

And I just wanted to say that you guys make me feel a lot more confident.. and I've only been on here a day,
Thank you so much.

This is a good place to come when you're hurting after a breakup,so come and vent when you need to.

Talaniman post says it all, that's your best option right now,so I suggest you go for it.

End all the confusion and go no contact.

Take care.

No Contact will stop all the confusion your having right now , like you said yourself you just don't want to feel any worse than you are now so your letting him keep contact because it gives you a temporary fix from the real hurt.

The real hurt as to be endured at some time , and by keeping contact your just putting it off. Time to step up and get it over and done with in my opinion.

No Contact will stop all the confusion your having right now , like you said yourself you just don't want to feel any worse than you are now so your letting him keep contact because it gives you a temporary fix from the real hurt.

The real hurt as to be endured at some time , and by keeping contact your just putting it off. Time to step up and get it over and done with in my opinion.

Aha, this is why Ive been putting off too.

Is this true when guys say the want to be good friends, or just a way to keep you on the side until someone else comes along. To me, it seems impossible to immediately put someone in the "friend zone" after a break up. A lot of my friends have had their relationships ended recently (as well as mine).. tis the season I guess? And many of our ex's have fed us this line.. few are keeping it up... as I said in my last post, my ex is calling me as much as he used to (I know about the no contact thing, I'm just wondering what the person on the other end may be thinking?)

The reason I went NC was because of the advice here.
I didn't even know what that meant.

So glad I did. Empowering actually.

Getting dumped hurts period.

But to deal with drama after the fact is just stupid. Only prolongs the pain.

The great thing about NC is that you can finally focus on yourself. Reflect a bit.

And who exactly you are. If you choose to. Don't wait.
You don't want to be doing the same thing later in your life.

Some people make mistakes over & over. Then wonder why.

You're young. This is one of many lessons to come.

Take charge.

Its impossible to ever know what another person is thinking,so we can only make assumptions.

The most likely scenarios,going by experience,would be backups.in case the wonderful world of freedom didn't turn out all that great after all.

Or bootycalls,getting the benefits,without the commitment.

Being friends after a breakup,where most likely at least one of the people is in a lot of emotional pain,is not a great idea.

No contact and healing gets my vote every time.

Don't allow the ex to use you as his back-up plan - you deserve a great guy all your own. It sounds like your guy (and lots of others) just wants to keep hanging onto a thread of you in case things don't work out for him.

Very few people can remain as good friends. I think it's best to completely break it off or you always hold on to hopes of getting back together.

QUOTE by Ulsenheimerak;
Is this true when guys say the want to be good friends, or just a way to keep you on the side until someone else comes along.
Its both. They want you in there lives as a friend, AND are free to go with someone else for romance.

To me, it seems impossible to immediately put someone in the "friend zone" after a break up.
Its very possible and more common than you think. Someone can lose the romantic feelings, but keep all the rest of you they like by putting you in the friend zone. Then there is no guilt because they have everything they want, with a bonus of pursuing romance with another. That's something they could do before the break up, because then it would be CHEATING

A lot of my friends have had their relationships ended recently (as well as mine).. tis the season I guess? And many of our ex's have fed us this line.. few are keeping it up... as I said in my last post, my ex is calling me as much as he used to (I know about the no contact thing, I'm just wondering what the person on the other end may be thinking?)
He is thinking that he has a friend to have a great time with, and still can explore other options without guilt of cheating. Especially if you are going along with his program, and allowing it, by being available.

You have not healed or recovered from the break up. He has, simply because that's what he wanted. He had a huge head start, on recovery, while you where in shock over this break up, and are still scrambling to make sense of all this. What keeps you from recovering as he has is you have not made the decision to heal, and at this point are not even willing to heal, and that's because of false hope that it will go back to what it was, since things are going so good and you're still having even better contact than before. ( Imagine if you are having sex still after a break up, and the old feelings are still intense).

Once you stop all contact and begin recovery, and healing, you will come to see things much differently now, as the focus won't be getting them back any more, but on you getting your sense of reality back. Then you can cope with whatever feelings your having in a positive way for yourself.

That's the purpose of NO CONTACT, and it works whenever your ready to use it. It's a very good tool to have once you learn to use it.

Killer advice.

The dumper is on track, the dumpee is in shock. Disabled.
Left alone with craploads of questions. Ones he isn't going to answer & won't. No reason trying. These are ones for you.

If you have love in your heart, then let him go.

Once you cut those ties, you will recognize why & who you are.

This will open up a whole new & better world for you.

Sometimes we have to recognize what's good for us.
With heartache comes enlightenment.

Go NC dear. You will thank yourself later.

Not everyone is right for one another, even if we thought so.

Update!. need advice on what to do next.. here's basically everything..
SO I went on the date with him and we had a lot of fun (against what you guys told me.. I know.. it just felt right). He told me twice that day that he had a lot of fun with me. We didn't talk about anything serious just flirted a little and joked and left it at that.
That night he told me I was amazing (in his little text.. and I just told him sweet dreams and sleep good)

The next day, 3 times he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was busy with some friends then finally he said, well, will you be free later? And I told him I had been making cookies and he asked me to bring him one. Then he called and said he didn't want the cookie.. he just wanted an excuse to see me. I waited an hour and went over, we hung out and joked and flirted around a little again.. then when I was about to leave I noticed he was crying a little? I asked if he was okay and he said he was just tired...
So he was about to walk me to the car and I decided now was a good time to talk. I asked him and he gladly accepted and immediately said I know I'm confusing you.

We talked about everything, he explained what he had done wrong in the relationship, and how he had failed to communicate with me that we needed to be spending more time enjoying ourselves and friends until it was too late. And I explained that I understood that I expected too much from him when we both really needed to just be a part of eachothers lives but not each others ENTIRE life. It felt good to have gotten that out.

I asked him what he wanted and he said he wasn't sure what he was doing anymore but he knew he didn't want to date anyone else, he just wanted to be himself and think about everything and he knows he's not exactly sure what he needs right now and (he was tearing up when he said this) he said he knew it was hurting me and confusing me and he couldn't stand see himself doing that to me.

He told me he "knew our relationship would be great if we got back together which will most likely be the case" but he doesn't know if that is what he needs or wants right now.

I told him not to worry about me I could take care of myself and if he needed to do this for himself then it was fine, and I trusted that he was being truthfaul, but I let him know I couldn't "just be friends" with him because I would be lying to him and myself and it would hurt me worse, because he knows what I want.

He asked to just keep doing what we're doing and be ourselves for now, but if I was hurting too much he understood and would fight for me again. He said he couldn't believe how strong I was being about everything.

He walked me to my car and told me I deserved the world and gave me a hug..

... now I feel like I'm just playing the waiting game, what do you think he's thinking.. I don't know what to do next really? I feel so close... yet not close at all

Thanks

Oh god, you're being played for a fool as much, if not worse than I am!

He doesn't know what he wants yet wants to see you. At least my ex made it clear she didn't know what she wanted but she also didn't want to see me.

Do as Ive started to do and hang up on all the calls. It actually makes you feel quite good. I feel if I keep doing this for a while, I'll get some of myself respect back.

That's how it seems... BUT... the only reason I am almost positive he is being genuine is because he was drug aroung for 6 months by a girl who "was confused" and it crushed him every day.. he would have done anything for her.. until finally he realized what was happening to him and he put a stop to it because It turns out she was just lying to him because she knew he would always be there for her.
He told me all about it, he said he would never dream of even putting his worst enemy through that.. he wanted to make it clear that he was genuine about this.
?

His actions don't match his words.

He's putting you through this now. Hes meeting you and wanting to meet you yet still doesn't know what he wants. You also don't know where you stand.

How is he NOT putting you through this?

It's pretty obvious he doesn't want to commit but is happy with you sticking around so he can have his cake and eat it too.

If I were you I'd say to him OK , I can't hang around waiting , but call me if you ever do want to commit and hopefully I won't have someone else by then.

He should be nominated for an Oscar :rolleyes:

I have to agree w/ the majority of people here. You need to stop hanging out with him - PERIOD. He's never going to figure out what he wants if you are always there. And you are never going to heal from the breakup if you keep pretending that everything is OK.

Quit buying into that "I don't know what I want" Bullcrap. He knows exactly what he wants, to not be with you, but to keep you dangling around and for nobody else to have you. THAT is why he calls you non-stop when you go out. Not that he's "trying to be a hero" and protect you, it's to make sure that nobody replaces him. This guy is pathetic in how he's trying to play you, and you are letting him!! Cut the crap and disappear from his life. Do I need to remind you how hard it was to hear when the person you love more than anything in the world tells you that they don't want to be with you? In my life the only thing more painful is the death of a family member. You do not reward somebody who does that to you by being their whipping post.

Just disappear, you don't have to tell the person that you're doing NC, because it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with YOU. Quit being played like a fool.

You are prolonging the agony later for false hope now.

Keep it up & you will be suffering 10 fold.

Sounds like your posting away, but not really listening.

I am listening, really, I already told him I couldn't just be friends with him because that wasn't what I wanted and I would be lying to myself and hurt myself worse that way. I told him I couldn't keep getting hurt forever and he said he understood... Idk why I haven't completely put a stop to everything.. I guess It just doesn't feel right yet... but at least he knows now? I know it doesn't matter if he knows and what matters is myself.. but I wouldn't be being myself if I just randomly dissappeared.. I would have to tell him..

but I wouldn't be being myself if I just randomly dissappeared.. I would have to tell him..?

We've told you how to go about it and what to tell him , but we can't do it for you. You need to have the strength to do it yourself , and even though it's hard it's what's best for you in the long run.

That way the balls in his court and he can't play with your emotions anymore , because you will have disappeared.

If that's how you feel, then go NC.

Take that leap of strength. For you.

Don't wait for the "right" time.

but I wouldn't be being myself if I just randomly dissappeared.. I would have to tell him..?

NO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL HIM!!! WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE NO LONGER A COUPLE!!! He is not entitled to know what you're doing 24/7 and vice versa... that is the part about breaking up. He has broken up with you but is still cherry picking the parts that he enjoys for his own selfish reasons. Get out now and save yourself the time!

BTW, your not randomly doing anything. You are taking control of your life now.

Here's something that may help you in starting & staying NC:

ITS OVER. DONE. HE'S NOT COMMITTED TO YOU. HE WANTS TO BE ALONE & SINGLE.

No more reason for giving your attention in any form.

Don't forget to block his contacts, not take his texts, or check his FB page.

He removed you, now its time to focus on you and you only.

So, I figured I would update.. I didn't do no contact.. I just couldn't.. probably not the healthy thing for everyone else out there who may read this.. I did let him do all the contacting and was nice and respectful of him and he knew the lines of communication were open but I kept everything short. And he startrted to call every night.. it hurt a lot most of the time

BUT

Now we're together again (: surpriiise.. haha- after a month and a week of agony I guess you could say. He called me over one night and I hung out with him because he said he had something to talk about.
He told me he wanted to be back together and he had never stopped loving me and he missed me terribly, and he just wanted to be happy.

Now that I have a second chance, I want things to be different, things are still a little awkward (for me only I think.. needing some advice in that area.. I think I'm going with time will help that) I want to show him as well as myself that I have changed. We had broken up over arguing and me being too hard on him and wanting "more" when he was already doing everything he could.. he was tired of it or didn't feel good enough. I also had a bit of a trust issue and I've already started trying to show him that I'm working on that because he went to a girl's birthday party without me and I showed him there were no worries from my side- he said it was just a friend thing and I said, I know- I trust you, and he told me he was so proud of me for that (trust will be the place that I need the most work.. I saw pictures from the party and he had his arm around the girl -kind of a harmless half hug, I'm sure strictly friendly but she was too close for my comfort.. my anxiety went through the roof, but I kept my mouth shut.) He also was looking for his time with his guy buddies that he rarely had time for anyway.

How can I make sure I keep myself in check and make sure things don't get out of hand again? I guess since we just got back together not even a week ago I'm still on pins and needles and have a lot of anxiety that something bad is going to happen again. Any advice on this feeling? Will it go away? I know he wouldn't have come back unless he knew it was what he wanted. He is treating me so well and I'm keeping phone calls and texts to a bare min to make sure he knows I want to give him his space and I need my own that way when we get togther in the evenings we have a lot to talk about and are missing each other.

... oh and one more obstacle... I am going to pharmacy school next year, it is only about an hour away from him, he said he was scared about it, because he knew he was going to miss me so bad.. any advice? I've had a long distance relationship before so I already know what to expect.

Things just feel so delicate (for me, maybe my trust again).. and I want them to be comfortable again. Am I right doing the whole, space thing so we can do our own things? We haven't talked about the break up since, we just both know what needs to be fixed..

Thank you all

Ulsenheimerak you will always feel like this, its so sad to hear when a person is in a relationship, you can't even communicate and express of how you feel without the person you love getting mad at you. When your with someone you love he/she should let you be the person you are, you are now being fake in his eyes, how long can that last till he sees the real you and he breaks it over again. Believe me it will hurt even more once you guys break up the second time, cause your really putting everything you have in this. If you can live with that then go ahead but you will be the one feeling the pain not him. Love is supposed to grow old together and share each others life. But in this case your only sharing his but his not sharing yours.


How can I make sure I keep myself in check and make sure things don't get out of hand again? I guess since we just got back together not even a week ago I'm still on pins and needles and have a lot of anxiety that something bad is going to happen again.
How sad is that, you got to keep yourself in check and make sure things don't get out of hand. What are you his girlfriend or friend. How much anxiety can you take till you blow up.

He may treat you good at this moment but how long is it going to take till he ask for another break. When your in a relationship you work thing together not apart. You said he went to every party and had fun while you were at home waiting for his phone calls. You deserve someone that can love you for who you are not what they want you to become.

I saw pictures from the party and he had his arm around the girl -kind of a harmless half hug, I'm sure strictly friendly but she was too close for my comfort.. my anxiety went through the roof, but I kept my mouth shut.) you see how your making excuses for his actions, your like the girl that gets abuse by her boyfriend but keeps telling everyone that it was her fault bcause she got him mad. You said your anxiety went through the roof but you kept your mouth shut, how long is that going to last, for you to keep shutting your mouth, what if you accidentally open your mouth what then is he going to break it off cause you told him how you feel. You are letting him make the rules, and you should follow it or you go and hit the road. You have no say in this relationship what so ever, and its OK for him to make mistakes and you can't complain about anything, but you just go and keep yourself be a good girl that you are and don't do anything bad.

THE POWER IN THE RELATIONSHIP LIES WITH THE PERSON WHO NEEDS IT THE LEAST.

Give it some time... don't pressure him. If he loves you he will come back. Don't push... once you back off, this will actually pull him towards you. It is counter-intuitive but it works. I guarantee you, if you were to drop off the face of the earth, he would become pretty desperate to contact you. Be confident in yourself. He has to really see what he is missing... disappear for a while.