Moved to its own thread
The guy lives 12 hours away, and as far as I know they have not meet. There was only one time that he was in town and she went out for "girls" night out. I think you nailed when you said emotional affair. I have read there text messages and the home wrecker calls her sweety and sweetness. I think it is totally wrong. I have an appointment with a counclor today, she will not go she says I need counciling not her. We have three young children at home as well. I just don't know if it my insecurity or is her relationship wrong. It does not help that the wife's best friend has had affair with the guy several times over the years. Six months ago she started texting him 1000 of times a day I found out just like you did cell phone bill. I love her and my family so much I just don't know what to do. She says there is nothing wrong her firendship with the guy and that she justs wants me t be happy and not so needy. It just drives me nts that she text him more then she does me on a day to day basis. I have actually found out what my wife did that by reading the text messages sent to him. I fear the worst is coming and my kids are going to grow up in a broken home, I just don't know how much longer I can live like this.

Emotional affairs are devastating to any marriage. Your wife has made the choice to share her intimacy, her essence, with another. She may be legally married to you but as of right now her heart is with him.

She may not acknowledge an affair or show remorse because she doesn't believe she's done anything wrong. But whether she has remorse or not is irrelevant. Point is that she massively disrespected you, your family and your marriage.

I hate to say this too, but don't be surprised if she is lying to you about all kinds of things (yes including whether she’s slept with him). She has now crossed a serious line of betrayal and the trust for now is broken. Now more than ever measure her actions far more than her words.

I know you want your marriage to work and who knows maybe in time it can. However, right now her actions clearly show she is with him, not you.

If you can’t get her to listen to your concerns and make permanent changes, get to a lawyer ASAP and make sure you don't allow her to take you down an endless web of broken promises.

This reminds me of the Facebook issue where diviorce rates increased because of Facebook. People would be spending more time on the web than with their significant other. I can tell you care. I think you should ask her what they talk about... (see if it is something discrete), ask her if you can read the text messages too ( she deletes some of them if the guy calls her sweetie) and maybe this is a sign for you to step it up. She sounds like she wants attention and through texting this guy is giving her attention. Like this is just a form of communicating.

When a guy gets more attention than me, somebody is out of here. Doesn't matter who goes, but someone IS going. That simple.