I have had many trust issues with my boyfriend. Although we continue to fight a lot, but people say the relationship is not going to be ever in the "honey moon" phase ever again. I feel like he is not trying to trust me again because he wants to have reason to fight with me. He barely says "I love you" anymore because he says I know he does love me, but I deserve to hear it. He is in Florida right now for tennis tournaments he has to play and he made me call him off my house phone to prove to him I am home and not out of town or doing something that I didn't tell him. I care about him, but I want things to work. We have been on the rocks for 3 months already. I don't know what to do...

Forcing you to call from your house phone is a little extreme, you can still go places and be honest.

From what your saying, it seems like there is something you did during the relationship to make him lose some trust of you. What is that? Have you tried talking to him about it and telling him what you learned from the experience?

You already know that you can't force somebody to trust you.
Real question is why isn't he trusting you? You say he wants a reason to fight. Why?
Is fighting all the time the way to keep a healthy relationship? I don't think so.
If this is really hard for you I don't see why you just don't tell him about it.
There's no healthy relationship without trust.

Like the others have said, you cannot force someone to trust you. Trust means to believe. Trust means there is no doubt in your mind about honesty, integrity and credibility. No relationship can survive without trust. Once violated, trust is very difficult to repair and rebuild, so it has to be guarded carefully and constantly nurtured. In order for him to trust you again, he has to be able to forgive you for whatever mistakes you have made, if he can’t do that and insist on clinging to petty problems or keep raking up old issues and fighting then the relationship will not last very much longer.

Earn it! Good Luck

Time helps and to never lie to him! Although he seems to REALLY not trust you. I'm surprised he is dating you. I couldn't date someone I had completely no trust in.

Has something happened in your relationship to mistrust you? If not then he is
Being way to possesive. Maybe it's like an old saying around my part of the country.

"The guilty dog barks first".

Have you talked to him about this? Have you expressed your feelings towards him and let him know what is doing is tearing you two apart? Sometimes a reality check helps.

Have you done anything in the past or with previous boyfriends that would cause him to not trust you?

Maybe the trust issues are deeper than just you and him together.

Maybe he is the one screwing around on you.. and instead of confessing or leaving, he's going to make you miserable.

Proper communication is key. If he can't give you a straight answer, or attempt to explore is deeper feelings, then you have no business with a guy who is going torture you emotionally.

Have you talked to him about this? Have you expressed your feelings towards him and let him know what is doing is tearing you two apart? Sometimes a reality check helps.

Have you done anything in the past or with previous boyfriends that would cause him to not trust you?

Maybe the trust issues are deeper than just you and him together.

Maybe he is the one screwing around on you.. and instead of confessing or leaving, he's going to make you miserable.

Proper communication is key. If he can't give you a straight answer, or attempt to explore is deeper feelings, then you have no business with a guy who is going torture you emotionally.



As Lucky stated, there is a reason for this! Did he cheat on you? Did you cheat on him? If the answer is no to both questions then he has some serious emotinal issues about
Himself. Don't let anyone make you feel like a possession instead
Of a person.

Trying to answer all the questions from above... We did have a hard time when he moved 3 hrs away from because of his full scholarship he had received for tennis. Around November last yr was when things got bad. I got invited to a guy's birthday party and I texted him told him what's up. He did not want me to go, but I went anyway. There were other people there besides me. That's when things fell apart. I felt like I had to lie to do what I wanted whether it was good or bad. Like he tried to control the whole relationship by telling me I can't do this or that. He has an identical twin brother who sometimes comes to town. I see him and we go out to eat with friends and stuff because my own boyfriend does not even want to drive down to see me. I always have to make 3 hr trips to see him. And it is not fair that I have to do all the driving. He won't take turns. So my boyfriend and I kept fighting and fighting. He was so immature to a point he broke up with me every other day and expected me to get back together with him. Then I got back into drugs because his twin did it and one day when my boyfriend broke up with me again. I became intimate with his twin. I know it is shady, but we were broken up and I told him the truth about it and so did his brother. What made him mad was that it was his brother and it was not just one time. I had a loving relationship with him too. Like we were close and I can tell him everything. It has been about 7 months since the incident and things are getting better. But he told his mom on me and his brother. Now I feel like she won't accept me... I mean my boyfriend did some bad things to. He was emotionally abusive and had sex with 3 other girls to get even with me.

Wow. You slept with his brother? I really think that is something he nor his brother or his family will ever forget. Do you want to go on in this relationship? I don't think it will ever work out, too much controversy.

I think you need to do the right thing and move on and move out! Once the trust is gone it's all going to blow up in your face.
You will never feel comfortable around his family again and neither will they.

I hope you have enough love for him that you can be woman enough to say you're leaving. Trust broken can never be whole
Again. I'mm sorry but that's how I feel.

I hope you have enough love for him that you can be woman enough to say you're leaving.

I do love him very much and that week that he left me broke my heart. I rergretted it after I slept with his brother, but I never did it again. I know it was shady, but we were broken up. It would be the same situation if my sister slept with my boyfriend. I would fight with her, but if she is truly sorry I can forgive them both. I mean I love both the boys. But if I dated the other one it would be strange, but eventually they would have to accept it. I mean his brother will always find another girl. They are both incredibly smart and handsome guys.

I do love him very much and that week that he left me broke my heart. I rergretted it after I slept with his brother, but I never did it again. I know it was shady, but we were broken up. It would be the same situation if my sister slept with my bf. I would fight with her, but if she is truly sorry I can forgive them both. I mean I love both the boys. But if I dated the other one it would be strange, but eventually they would have to accept it. I mean his brother will always find another girl. They are both incredibly smart and handsome guys.

I'm just saying it's going to be awfully hard to be in a relationship where everything you do is under scrutiny. Ask him !
Tell him you feel like he will never trust you again and see what his reply is.

Look we've all done things we regret, but we can't undo them.
If it's meant to be then a few weeks apart will tell the story.
Some advice drinking, drugs and being out with your boyfriends' brother is a recipe for trouble.

Talk to his mother and tell her what you told us and listen to what she tells you. I just see you never regaining his full trust again and if I were him it would be hard to fogive the brother. Sorry

I have talked to him but I feel like I am only getting half of what he is really telling. He wants things to be perfect but like I said there is not going to be a honey moon phase again. Everybody is telling me to wait till the summer then I will get my answer. I know he has not forgiven his brother because recently they got into a fight because my boyfriend randomly called his mom and told him that his brother was dealing drugs. His twin went and punched and now they do not live together anymore. My boyfriend lives in an apartment and his brother stays at the dorm. They do not like each other and I remember both of them saying that to me even before the incident. Idk if it is just me who separated them or it is just their personalities and the group of friends they choose.


Talk to his mother and tell her what you told us and listen to what she tells you.

And what exactly do you say to a mom that you think is still mad at you?

PS: I haven't told my parents we are back together and neither did he.

And what exactly do you say to a mom that you think is still mad at you?

PS: I haven't told my parents we are back together and neither did he.

I'm saying let him tell you how he feels. You may not like he tells you but at least you'll know what to expect if you stay with him.


You are not entirely the only one to blame, his brother has broken his heart. How do you think you're going to feel when
He's invited to family funtions and you're not invited. And even
If you are how are you going to feel being there with both brothers.


It's up to you to do the right thing. I just hope you consider the other people involved.

Sounds like you two need to call it quits.

No wonder he doesn't trust you. He felt uncomfortable with you going to a guys birthday party. You ignored him. Instead of telling him that you have friends and a life outside of him, you just lied.

Lying never solves anything. It makes it 100 times worse than what it really should be.

You hooked up with his brother. That is such a huge no-no... If I were him, I wouldn't have even given you a second or third chance.

Yes, everything in a relationship should be 50/50. But, from the sounds of it.. He really doesn't want to go that extra mile for you. If you're available and willing, its OK. If your asking for him to pick up his share, its just not important.

You both screwed up your relationship. Time to fess up, and either forgive each other and let the past be the past, or leave.

Why force something to work that obviously isn't?

You don't have children, so you don't know how hard it is for a mother to see the children she would give her life for at each others throat. I would rather someone hurt me than to see my children fight over something and end up breaking each others hearts and trust.

You did this to his family and his twin brother went right ahead without even considering it would cause this mess. You need to be out of their lives. Move on and find someone else.

Wow, what you did in my book is definitely unforgivable. Not only did you cheat, but with his brother?

This is his brother, his family. No offence but you are just a girl in this picture. They have some major issues that they need to definitely work out, not only will it be very hard for your boyfriend to forgive his brother but how do you expect them to even try with you in the picture? You need to take whatever dignity you have left and walk away.

It shocks me that you can't see this. If you love him, you would want what's best for him. What's best for him is to focus on fixing things with his family. You're being extremely selfish by preventing this from happening. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh.

Please let him fix this mess with his family, this is the only family he has. Please stop being so selfish and move on and allow them to heal.

The sooner you tell him it's over and move on, the better. I

Believe if you two feel like you can't tell your folks your back

Together that says it all.

If you love ths giuy let him go. There is no future for you two.

Walk away with a little dignity. Let this family rebuild what you

Helped tear apart.

You're a perfect case for why we merge posts to get all the facts in one place

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/could-bf-lie-about-having-sex-another-woman-456003.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/personal-growth/am-turning-point-life-am-not-sure-what-descion-take-456834.html

For the record, the military is the place for you to get away from the drama, and BS, that is your life and let you get a chance at some Good Orderly Direction.

I highly recommend it! ASAP!!

Your a perfect case for why we merge posts to get all the facts in one place

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/could-bf-lie-about-having-sex-another-woman-456003.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/personal-growth/am-turning-point-life-am-not-sure-what-descion-take-456834.html

For the record, the military is the place for you to get away from the drama, and BS, that is your life and let you get a chance at some Good Orderly Direction.

I highly recommend it! ASAP!!!


Wow what drama!

Ok, when I told him what me and his brother did. He was unforgiving and I understood. But he would not leave me alone right after he told me not to talk to him. So that is why we still are in a current relationship. I wanted out when I did that big mistake, but love is forever and we both know it. We are both of our first loves... although, we may not have the same interests and we may need counseling... I just want to work with what I have. We still are close mentally. If he is not willing to let go and I am not then what is there to do? (That is the question) You guys harp on me to break it off and believe this is for my best interest, but is it really? I mean you don't know us and you've concluded the relationship is a dud. Presidents and upper-upper class people have had these issues to. And they still made it. The relationship will work if someone blesses it..

I think you're going to do what you want to do. But what you joining the military and going off to college? Time will tell so I am not going to keep giving you advice. I will say this when you are far apart I think there will be someone new for both of you.

My advice wasn't meant to hurt you. I just want you to see what is ahead for you. It's hard enough to be in a relationship and make it work and you have a few cards stacked against you. Good Luck and God Bless you and lead you in the right direction. Blessings:)

My advice wasn't meant to hurt you. I just want you to see what is ahead for you. It's hard enough to be in a relationship and make it work and you have a few cards stacked against you. Good Luck and God Bless you and lead you in the right direction. Blessings:)

I know there are many people out there for me. I just want this guy lol. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. I just want my boo back to where things will be good. I plan to join the military for my own benefit and it is a family thing. I follow in my mom's dad's foot steps. He was a doctor and I want to be a doctor. He was in the military and so should I be. But my boyfriend does not want me to go because he would not see me for a semester. That is another issue.

I know there are many people out there for me. I just want this guy lol. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. I just want my boo back to where things will be good. I plan to join the military for my own benefit and it is a family thing. I follow in my mom's dad's foot steps. He was a doctor and I wanna be a doctor. He was in the military and so should I be. But my bf does not want me to go because he would not see me for a semester. That is another issue.

Please follow your Dad's path and I wish you the best. I truly mean that.

I love what my grandpa did for me. And I want to be just like him. I always wanted to be a doctor since I was in 2nd grade.

I am so use to people who don't like the advice given, because it doesn't solve their immediate problems. I understand that, but its important you make better decisions about your future, and take responsibility for your own actions. If all you can see is him, you will lose your options, and opportunities, to be better and happy.

I was young once and families can't live off love alone, trust me on that or ask any one in your family.

Its ultimately your choice what to do, but given the facts, this relationship has yet to produce any positive results, or directions to a positive possible result.

I would be interested in what the older adults in your family think about this and if they had given their blessings, I DOUBT IF YOU WOULD BE ASKING US FOR OURS.

Your decision, and I wish you much luck, I mean that.

I know it is my choice. I do take in all the advice, but the story is still one sided. I mean he lies too. We all aren't perfect like someone said. I won't every marry a guy that my parents don't approve of. But we have 3 years to make that choice. He said he will propose after college.

I am so use to people who don't like the advice given, because it doesn't solve their immediate problems. I understand that, but its important you make better decisions about your future, and take responsibility for your own actions. If all you can see is him, you will lose your options, and opportunities, to be better and happy.

I was young once and families can't live off love alone, trust me on that or ask any one in your family.

Its ultimately your choice what to do, but given the facts, this relationship has yet to produce any positive results, or directions to a positive possible result.

I would be interested in what the older adults in your family think about this and if they had given their blessings, i DOUBT IF YOU WOULD BE ASKING US FOR OURS.

Your decision, and I wish you much luck, I mean that.

I don't what else I can say. I don't see anything but more hurt
And fighting and his family will never forgive you. But you are going to do what you want to do. The military is your best bet. Good luck

I just think you see the military as a good way to get out and run away from things. Like you think it is a good punishment for me? I came up with the choice all alone.

I just think you see the military as a good way to get out and run away from things. Like you think it is a good punishment for me? I came up with the choice all alone.

Not at all. I think if you let anyone talk you out of you will wake up someday and say ; what in the world have I done? What would your grandfather tell you? We'll talk tomorrow... goodnight!:)

What do you mean what in the world have I done? I hope no regrets. I don't know what he would tell me. He died a while back. He was kind of like me and we are the same almost. He is a very strong willed man and actually did what he wanted lol. He was almost done with premed, but dropped out to join the military and he was the doctor on force (finished schooling with them). I looked up to him.

What do you mean what in the world have I done? I hope no regrets. I don't know what he would tell me. He died a while back. He was kinda like me and we are the same almost. He is a very strong willed man and actually did what he wanted lol. He was almost done with premed, but dropped out to join the military and he was the doctor on force (finished schooling with them). I looked up to him.

I was asking if your boyfriend talks you out of going into the military to fulfill your dreams and you don't go! Is there a chance that will happen? I was asking if you don't go are you going to regret it?

He probably won't convince me. I will talk to him more about it next week when I see him. I am going Saturaday with my dad to talk to a recruit about it. I have to take an aptitude test too. So you can't be an idiot lol

He probably won't convince me. I will talk to him more about it next week when I see him. I am going Saturaday with my dad to talk to a recruit about it. I have to take an aptitude test too. So you can't be an idiot lol


I'm sure you're not an idiot! Hold on to that dream and I believe you'll be a great doctor. Goodnigh. Good luck on Saturday.:):)

Thanks. I am not planning to do family practice but pathology. So I hope I do well in school.

Thanks. I am not planning to do family practice but pathology. So I hope I do well in school.


Good luck and I thiink you will do well:):)

My boyfriend's birthday is past and I don't know what to get him for his birthday. He is worst than me when it comes to presents. He just expects it and tells me what he wants before I can figure out how to come up with the money. Last year for Christmas he made me spend 400 dollars on just clothes on him. I did not have any money for myself to pay for my spring semester of school books and even to save up for my spring break trip (so I am staying home). And for his birthday he wants like 6 polos from Ralph Lauren. And he like adds the cost of the item up to make sure it is what I am suppose to spend on him. I think that is stupid. And his parents give him money all the time and he complains that I cost a lot. Like that is not his money. He has his OWN money. All he has spent on me is just food and maybe a few dates in the past 4 months. So I am wondering if he is just concerned about the value of the object or what? I was just planning to spend 100 for his birthday.

I really wish parents would stop giving their kids money it does nothing but create spoiled brats who think they deserve everything. Is this the same guy who cheated on you in a previous post? Cause if it is The only thing you should give him for his Birthday is the finger and tell him to find someone else to meet his gift quota.

That sounds like an awful lot to be spending on gifts.

I'd buy him a nice card -- one that says "Goodbye and Good Luck."

I wouldn't even bother buying him a card.
Assuming this is the guy from your other thread,wake up and smell the coffee,you can do much better than this immature brat.

While his attitude and sense of entitlement is lousy immature and selfish,you have to accept some of the responsibility because you feed into his bratty behavior by giving him what he wants.

This is not what real life is all about and he needs to stop being so superficial and you need to put yourself first.

You should not have to struggle to appease his desires.

Honor yourself and don't ever allow anyone to do less to you!

If I were to do anything,I would make a small donation in his name to a worthy charity,maybe then he will see that his petty greed is a very unattractive trait.

Of course its the same guy, and as usual the hard working mod has merged her threads. Oh why can't they just post on the same thread about the same guy?

Of course its the same guy, and as usual the hard working mod has merged her threads. Oh why can't they just post on the same thread about the same guy?


I don't know what else to say. You slept with his twin brother. They fought and are no longer speaking. His mother is infuriated that you caused a split in her family.
They will never accept you and if they do think of what an uncomfortable situation you are putting them in.

Your parents don't know you're back together and neither does his. You say you were drinking and taking drugs when the infidelity happened? That isn't a very good excuse. You say you were broken up at the time. You also say you are going to the military? That will be the end of it. He'll move on, you'll move on. So why are you asking again for advice!

Of course its the same guy, and as usual the hard working mod has merged her threads. Oh why can't they just post on the same thread about the same guy?

Maybe by asking the same question over and over, we will give them the answer they want to hear. That way they can live in their happy fantasy land:D

Maybe by asking the same question over and over, we will give them the answer they want to hear. That way they can live in their happy fantasy land:D

Wouldn't it be great if they took the advice sometimes?:D:D

Holy crap.

Is this a movie?

I think I saw this one.

Holy crap.

Is this a movie?

I think I saw this one.


Sounds like one. True story!:rolleyes:

Read "Twins"

Good lesson in coming in-between.

Read "Twins"

Good lesson in coming in-between.


I think I will!

I read it when I was 17 or 18.

Hardcore. That book stuck in my mind.

I know quite a few twins.

Guess I won't read it. There is enough drama on here! I got to go to bed. Goodnight Van!

You can't have a relationship without trust.
Let him know that his issues and extremes like making you call on your house phone are really getting to you, and you need to breathe. He needs to realize he has no reason to be acting like that, or else he's going to loose you.
Talk to him and If he cares about you, he'll adjust to this.

Good luck!

I went to visit my boyfriend at his apartment for my spring break so we can bond (he lives 3 hours away from me because of college). I find myself spending more time alone at his apartment while he is at tennis and he won't come back to the apartment till 12 hours later. I hate to ask him when he is coming back all the time because I feel clingy, but I feel like I am missing out on him. I feel more alone than ever. I think it is not fair because he won't even take me out of dinner because of money issues and other things. But I feel like being at an apartment for 12 hours by myself for 3 consecutive days is a waste of my time. I get upset very easily and I feel like tennis matches should not take more than 4 hours. Oh and I don't have any friends here and my car is not here either. So I pretty much have to sit tight here in this 4 room apartment by myself and watch TV all day. I feel like he is going out with his friends and even hanging out with girls while I am here. Is there any advice to help me feel like I am not an idiot?

The best advice I could give you is dump him, and go home, or where ever your car is.

As I remember that was the advice in your other posts. Making new posts about the same thing will not get different responses sorry.

Let the man go! You slept with his brother. Let him get that relationship with his brother back and get out of his life.

Nothing you do or say will take away the image of you having drunken sex with his twin brother.
Give the guy a break and move on!

Maybe you have just stayed pals with his brother.

Good friends are better than bad boyfriends.

You have done this all by yourself. Bad move.

What is the best thing to do to gain trust?
It is not repairable at ths point, and please break up ASAP.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
I just read all threads merged, and just amazed how a girl with brain could screw up a family and herself this much, and still does not know the real issue.

HER…
She is claiming she is smart enough to be a doctor (in taking exam only?), but she is really low and has no moral. Sorry for being so rude, but I wonder what kind of doctor she will make. I'm trying to factor in her age, hormonal level, and drinking, boy friend' absence, but it is beyond imagination and not repairable. You are way too much, girl!

The real issue is, it seems she is thinking she is still OK, and sleeping with boy friend's twin brother is not a big deal and forgivable (big non sense). She thinks the relationship will still go on (non sense), she wants boy friend's full attention (in this circumstance? Non sense), and also she wants her freedom to go to party and complaining her boy friend's restriction. This girl's head is totally messed up, and does not know what is wrong in her.
Shame on you.
Please break up with your boy friend ASAP for giving him a big favor, and go to every single party you want to go please.

HIM…
She is claiming her boy friend is great (non sense), but this guy is screwed up big time as well. He has no judgment to cut off the sleazy girl who slept with his own twin brother. Instead of getting rid of her, he is paranoid and asked her to call him to report where she is about. (Pathetic) He slept with other girls (not smart, but understandable in the circumstance), but took back her as girlfriend again and continued the drama (pathatic). He gave her birthday gift list which will cost hundreds of dollars AFTER she cheated on him with his twin brother (speechless). He needs to wake up, walk away from this girl permanently, and grow up as a man.

As Tal said, joining in military will be the best way to straighten up her malfunctioning life. We are not perfect, we all make mistakes on and off, bu it is way too much. I hope it helps you to improve your life. God Bless you.

One question,why on earth are you still with this guy??

Walk away! He's over it and you! I would be ashamed to stay in this relationship. You said you were taking an exam for the military! I take it you don't have kids. Let me enlighten you on being a mother, then you will know how yourboyfriends mother feels. You have hurt her son , by sleeping with his brother.

If she's anything like the mothers I know and the moms on this forum including myself, she is a lioness who see's both her cubs being hurt. She will strike out to protect them. You are the predator and you need to get out of her way and stop pushing this. I don't want to be a mean person and I hope you will someday see what you have done.


YOU CANNOT fix this, it would be like trying to save a drowning man when you don't know how to swim! Sex, drugs and alcohol DO NOT MIX.

Ok let me enlighten you guys again... The whole sex with brother thing happened last year. And we don't fight about that now. It is the fact he asks me to come visit him and I do and he doesn't spend time with me. Idk whether tennis takes that long or not. I have been to one of his games and his matches are 3 hrs long because he is top ranked in the U.S. and he plays division one team players. I mean maybe I can feel what tiger woods wife is feeling. I am dating a Feterer version. I mean you guys are extremely judgemental. Which helps but it is harder to do what you guys say to do. When he found out about me and his brother he ended it and I was like this is all right. I can handle it being over but he wanted to forgive and start over. I wasn't the one blowing up his phone but it was him who was texting me all the time. I mean he is immature, but what happens is the way it is. I developed myself to a point I want to join the military, but I would miss out on a year of college and in the end I would lose money by being with the military. There are so many pros and cons. I mean it isn't fair for one a person to b*tch about how sleazy I am when maybe this happens to a lot of girls. Not just me. I mean if you were in my shoes where would u find the strength to break up with a person that you known since you were in high school? And just tell them you are done with everything without going crazy? I would make a good doctor thank you very much because I study hard and I know more than a lot of 20 year olds in science. I worked my butt off to be a doctor because I strive for it. And in ethics you do not let your home life mess with your job. I mean I want to be a pathologist and for idiots who think I won't be a good doctor ask yourself to hold in your own throw up when a dead smelling corpse is right in front of you waiting to be discected. I may have personal issues but I do not let that effect my judgement and work. I already took a step a head and assist in embalming at nineteen years old at a funeral home.So to get use to the corpse. And if you want to just judge for what "kind" of doctor I will be and see for yourself if you can keep your nose in a book for hours on end at night studying for exams that will effect the course of your future career!

Well, I guess its how you wish to move forward with him and how he does with you.

Long distance I guess.

Communicating how you feel and the fact that he isn't around.

If he's Federer, then deal with those girlfriend implications.

You may have known him since HS, but that's in a way has nothing to do with actions now.

As far as the military, you mentioned that was a way to escape, so be that for it may.

Plus, I never mentioned sleazy. What makes you that?

Im hope you will be a good doctor. You already know the smell.

Just recognize the smell with this one.

You wanted advice we gave it. It doesn't matter to me about whether you're a doctor or a waitress at McDonalds, that's your business. You know what you are going to do whatever you want anyway so no more advice from me. But I will say this, I've backed up more miles than you've gone forward, so don't tell me how hard life is.

I learned from my mistakes , I have never been a drunk or a druggie nor have I ever slept with my husbands brother. But sin is sin, no big one ,no little ones. The reprecussions of your actions will be felt for years . So you are smart and intelligent! Good for you. Hope you go far and I hope you do become a doctor. For someone who is so smart in the education department, you should also be as smart in dealing with stress and now drown it with liquor and casual sex, mixed with drugs. Good luck!

My question was a general question and you went around it and referred to the first mistake like sleeping with his brother. That is irrelevant. Why should a girl like me be at home in an apartment hours on end waiting for my boo? I mean he comes home with food and spends time with me, but I don't think it is fair he jumps me with all this stuff and has to be gone all day.

My question was a general question and you went around it and referred to the first mistake like sleeping with his brother. That is irrelevant. Why should a girl like me be at home in an apartment hours on end waiting for my boo? I mean he comes home with food and spends time with me, but i don't think it is fair he jumps me with all this stuff and has to be gone all day.

I think it is healthy for him to have his own life and own activities. It seems he cares for you if he brings back food and spends time with you!

You might be expecting him to spend a lot more time than he can fit into his schedule, even if he wanted to.

Nice rant Lea, you're much to busy to keep trying to be with someone that has other things to do.

Don't waste any more time with him. You make time for him, but he doesn't make time for you. A simple fact, and I would be mad too! Then I would disappear, and see how long it takes him to notice.

That sounds like tons of fun.

I would talk to him about it. Sounds like your worried. Maybe some insecurities about him and your future together.

Ask how he sees things transpiring.

My question was a general question and you went around it and referred to the first mistake like sleeping with his brother. That is irrelevant. Why should a girl like me be at home in an apartment hours on end waiting for my boo? I mean he comes home with food and spends time with me, but i don't think it is fair he jumps me with all this stuff and has to be gone all day.

Lea.. listen I think you really love this guy and I think he loves you but there is so much baggage.Okay ! God forgives all except non belief and if you are sincerely sorry for the mistakes you've made he will forgive you.
You made a mistake but it doesn't give the boyfriend the right to treat you the way he has. If he doesn't want you then he should tell you and not leave you sitting by yourself wondering where he is. If he trying to punish you by doing this it's working.

From the way you talk of your hope and dreams you have a lot going for you. Pray about this and pray until you know you have an answer.
It may not be the answer you want but at least you'll know! I'm sorry about the things I said to you, I have no right to pass judgement on you..

Ask God to lead you in the right way and he will. God Bless

Sounds like you've had this fantasy about him since HS.

And painted this picture in your head about finally being together.

Now reality is another story.

Hes doing his thing, as probably he always has. Maybe that's one of the reasons you were attracted to him.

I would hope that when my girlfriend came to visit, I would make the extra effort to make it special & memorable.

Spoken from LD experience.

Sounds like youve had this fantasy about him since HS.

And painted this picture in your head about finally being together.

Now reality is another story.

Hes doing his thing, as probably he always has. maybe thats one of the reasons you were attracted to him.

I would hope that when my gf came to visit, I would make the extra effort to make it special & memorable.

Spoken from LD experience.

I think she's having a really hard time and I also think I was way to hard on her. I really want to help the people who come here in pain, but I have been very judgmental to some of these people.

I don't want to be two faced, I really have no use for two face people.
I just tell them what I think is wrong and probably end up hurting them worse. I hope she gets away from this guy because in a way I think he is punishing her for a mistake she made and yes it was a bad mistake.

Nobody is perfect and I hope she comes back and we can help her.

There may be judgements. Everyone here gives their best advice.

I think there's a ton of drama here. A friend betrayed, twins, history, motives, insecurity, selfishness. Should I continue?

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the brothers talk.

It would be great to hear their perspective on this.


One thing that I realized early on. And that's why Im still here.

Is that the advice here was transforming for me.

The sacrifice from incredible people her that care. Take the time away from there schedules to make sure people don't make the same mistakes that they have.

The only gratification is to know it may have made a difference.
And to learn in the process.

There may be judgements. Everyone here gives their best advice.

I think theres a ton of drama here. A friend betrayed, twins, history, motives, insecurity, selfishness. Should I continue?

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the brothers talk.

It would be great to hear their perspective on this.

I think if he doesn't want her he should stop stringing her along!
He should be man enough to tell her instead of making her go on paying and paying for a mistake. I think if she left he would be really shocked and want her back and I hope she won't go back. Just my thoughts.

I think that's there's WAY more under the surface here.

This thread is packed with drama.

That sounds like tons of fun.

I would talk to him about it. Sounds like your worried. Maybe some insecurities about him and your future together.

Ask how he sees things transpiring.

I talk to him about 'us' and asked him the other day why he was with me. And he said because 'I take care of him'. I was like really? Well yeah I drive 2 and a half hours to see you and I take time out of my schedule. I mean I am very supportive with him on everything. I mean he doesn't connect well in conversations with anyone. And his side of the story of the whole 'she slept with my twin' was that he told his mom that it was his brother's fault because we smoked weed together every time and had sex every time. And he tells her it has been going on forever. His brother denied the whole drugs, but admitted to have sex with me and he told the truth like I did and didn't make up an exaggerated story like my boyfriend did to make his parents more mad at us.

I actually talked to his brother a month a go and I thought he hated me for busting him. But he said that he was happy that I did in a weird way because things got so bad with drugs ( he only smoke(d) weed, but he was selling so much of every drug possiple that he was banking 3 grand per day). I thought he hated me and he said no because he had no control over anything and he said he loved me to death and if I never met his brother we would be together. After hearing this I was like heart broken and I no longer talk to him.

I mean I love my boyfriend but I connect mentally and emotionally with his brother. We were close because I could talk about stuff that I could never tell my boyfriend. And when we use to chill I would not think about anyone or anything. I did not think about all the hurt or drama at all when I was with him.

That is some of the stuff under the surface of the drama. Like the secret stuff.

I talk to him about 'us' and asked him the other day why he was with me. And he said because 'I take care of him'. I was like really? Well yeah I drive 2 and a half hours to see you and I take time out of my schedule. I mean I am very supportive with him on everything. I mean he doesn't connect well in conversations with anyone. And his side of the story of the whole 'she slept with my twin' was that he told his mom that it was his brother's fault because we smoked weed together everytime and had sex everytime. And he tells her it has been going on forever. His brother denied the whole drugs, but admitted to have sex with me and he told the truth like I did and didn't make up an exaggerated story like my bf did to make his parents more mad at us.

I actually talked to his brother a month a go and I thought he hated me for busting him. But he said that he was happy that I did in a weird way because things got so bad with drugs ( he only smoke(d) weed, but he was selling so much of every drug possiple that he was banking 3 grand per day). I thought he hated me and he said no because he had no control over anything and he said he loved me to death and if I never met his brother we would be together. After hearing this I was like heart broken and I no longer talk to him.

I mean I love my bf but I connect mentally and emotionally with his brother. We were close because I could talk about stuff that I could never tell my bf. And when we use to chill I would not think about anyone or anything. I did not think about all the hurt or drama at all when I was with him.

That is some of the stuff under the surface of the drama. Like the secret stuff.

Lea... I think if you want a lot of attention from your boyfriend then you are with the wrong guy.. A needy person can absolutely wear a relatioship down faster then anything If there is any hope of saving this relatioship stay away from the brother! You really should talk to a minister or good doctor. Good luck

I am not needy. It is called high maintenace. I mean he knew that when we first started dating that I was demanding, but I do stuff in return. I hate give and take relationships and he knows that I am not like that. So he hasn't complained about that ever.

I am not needy. It is called high maintenace.

At least I got a good laugh from that.

I am not needy. It is called high maintenace. I mean he knew that when we first started dating that I was demanding, but I do stuff in return. I hate give and take relationships and he knows that I am not like that. So he hasn't complained about that ever.

I can't give you any more advice. You are spoiled and selfish and I will not apologize for saying that! You are not the only one in this relationship. You say your "HIGH MAINTENANCE", like it's something to
Be proud of. I think Van is right and I will not keep going over and over this again... Good Luck

Thanks for opening up.

Appreciate that. One thing Im starting to understand. Is lots of bad moves. On everyone's part. I guess you all knew each other growing up.

Hanging with a dealer. He obviously doesn't have his act together. Although may be fun to hang with.
He secretly wanted you, I bet you knew that. You wanted his brother, and went for him, regardless of the consequences.

The ones you are dealing with now.

Now his brother isn't living up to your expectations, and honestly. He isn't going to.

Like you said "he said because 'I take care of him'. he doesn't connect well in conversations with anyone."

Did you get that one?

Do you know the term "blood is thicker than water"

Like I said, this twin brother thing was going to be trouble.

If I were you, I would exit stage right from both of them.

Neither one is, was, or going to be good for you.

Thanks for opening up.

Appreciate that. One thing Im starting to understand. Is lots of bad moves. On everyones part. I guess you all knew each other growing up.

Hanging with a dealer. He obviously doesnt have his act together. Although may be fun to hang with.
He secretly wanted you, I bet you knew that. You wanted his brother, and went for him, regardless of the consequences.

The ones you are dealing with now.

Now his brother isnt living up to your expectations, and honestly. he aint gonna.

Like you said "he said because 'I take care of him'. he doesn't connect well in conversations with anyone."

Did you get that one?

Do you know the term "blood is thicker than water"

Like I said, this twin brother thing was gonna be trouble.

If I were you, I would exit stage right from both of them.

Neither one is, was, or gonna be good for you.

She has another post ,"How do i know if my bf is having sex with another woman".

Sad that you don't realize you're drowning in your own SH!T.

Oh, yeah, I forgot something.

To take some responsibility for your actions.

The ones that got you in this. And the ones next.

You are also part of the problem here, if not most of it.

Sad that you don't realize you're drowning in your own SH!T.

I can't believe this girl. I can't believe I fell for her poor little me!

Ewwww. Thanks Tal, now I got that image in my mind.

Hehe.

Question,do you have friends and family to talk to?

I think,on some level,you know that the situation you are in isn't healthy.

Get help.

I vent a lot to my friends, but you know all of them are getting married and it is crazy. I might not be as lucky as my friend who married a handsome guy in pre med for psych after hearing her complain for 3 months of never meeting the 'one' when she did shortly after and got married in ten months. I am not stupid and I don't think I am narcisstic either. But I did dig a whole and I can get out of it quick. I mean I just like to hang out with friends and not think about anything. But it is amazing to let myself go and have fun with other guys and girls. My behavior was self destructive, but it all started because he was accusing me of lying and cheating before I was doing anything. And I cried like everyday because it hurt me for him to think like that. I didn't go and be with his brother because I wanted to go purposely hurt him but because I was hurting and when you hurt you go to your best friend...

Good lesson.

Who to trust. And why. First yourself. Not worrying about superficial BS, or knee-jerk motives.

What's your grandmother's thoughts?

Like I said before, you got to take responsibility for your actions & ask yourself why you make the decisions you make.

Based on what?

Look at that & you will hopefully move forward. Regardless of who says what.

That's the start. Aside from Federer or anyone else that's causing you grief.

If you are honest & true. Then, well... Then, you only have to be concerned with others that are the same.

Its time to grow & change bad habits. This is YOUR life, by the way..

I told her how I felt about his brother and she said just break up with one and date the other. But that's not that easy. He can't take me home to his mom and my boyfriend or ex per se should have to fully give up his commitment to me. And he won't ever. It is my life and people try to control it. And I let them which makes me crazy because I can't be controlled for that long.

That's what we said in the beginning.

Sorry, your grandma was wrong. But sweet, Im sure.

You are SO right lea. Its time to start.

Taking control over your life. Do some good things.

You may want to take up a journal if you don't already.

I find that writing my thoughts down help. I do that for everything, actually. So I make sure that I don't lose those killer ideas I have for myself & everything else Im working on. And stuff to watch out for.

Good release. One that you can use.

You have some serous work to do. On yourself.
We all do that if we want things to be better later.

We are guilty of self-neglect at one time or another.
That why we are here to begin with.

Yeah I can try, but journals... keeps me on the offense. I feel like someone will read it. Although, when I am upset or crying I don't make sense

Hey.

Whatever works for you.

If your words are honest, then you shouldn't care who here's it, or potentially reads it (as if).

My ex thought like that. She even got rid of 10+ years of journals. (Just ripped the pages out she was paranoid about) Right before she dumped me.

Guess she had sh**t to hide thet I never knew about.

The point is there's actions & then there's words.

You may want to go speak to someone. Someone impartial. A pro.
Especially cause it sounds like you don't have close friends.

I mean I did, but you get separated from your friends when you transfer schools. And I hated it when he would take time out from my friends

More excuses.

Go back & read your thread(s) a dozen times.

High maintenance? That's only a term for people that don't take control over their life.

What is it exactly you want? Now, later, then later, then...

I am not sure what I really want. I need to think about it.

Yup. Congratulations!!

That's the key. To this, your thing, my thing and the person down the streets thing. Everyone.

To step back & learn about yourself. Being true.

Let me know what you discover.

Besides staying up late is bad for me and I gain weight lol. But yeah I figured a lot of things for myself day by day. But I am def feeling just hanging out with my friends after exams and papers to write is over... ugh. College...

Im a night owl too.

I do my best at night sometimes. Whatever.

Im glad you going to take a break. Hope you really do.
True friends are the most important thing for me. Whether they are in my city or thousand of miles away.

When you are looking at your papers, make sure you read through your threads.

I know I should. I didn't actually read all the pages and pages of them. Being offline for 12 hrs can have a lot of responses to them. And I try to time manage to. I am obsessive compulsive about time. Plus I have insomnia too. Sucks when you aren't tired.

I have bouts of insomnia sometimes, but I rock sh**t, just the same.

We all have to time manage. That's life. Priorities.

You first. Then others. Otherwise you can be anything to anyone or vis-versa.

That's the point. Being aware, together & rolling with the punches.

Trying to roll faster next time.

Yeah that's the way the cookie crumbles. But I get way too obsessed with time. If one thing does not work with my time schedule it throws off my whole day till I can't function... I know it is bad..

Time is yours. How you choose to spend it.

How much more time are you going to waste is the question.

That goes back to you and doing some school work on yourself.

After all, who's important here? This is your life.

Now Im in it. Hehehe.

Here's the thing. Lots of people spend energy on the wrong things. And coast on auto-pilot. Making all sorts of excuses. Ones we are used to making.

Some people do that forever.

Listen to what you just said.

" Cookie crumbles" & "I know its bad"

That says it all, yo. Being responsible about you & what you REALLY want

Now fix that. Change. For you.

Support seems like something you don't have personally from friends or family.

Think that's a lot of what is going on. Communication & security.
A history of that.

Well I didn't grow up close to my mom. She had me when she was 19 from her first marriage. And she remarried later to my current dad and he adopted me. I mean I hate the fact she wasn't there for me when I was younger because she was working. I mean I am thankful that she loved me to keep me. Even though abortion is illegal in Thailand. I mean honestly I always loved my Dad more than my mom because we have a relationship. It is hard to have a relationship with my mom because she promises a lot of stuff and doesn't follow through and she use to lie a lot to my dad to get me and my other siblings in trouble. My friends can vouch for that. I think we are close now which is good. I know now that love is everything.