Why is it that some men like to put women down? I'm a very attractive, smart, funny 23 year old girl with a good career. The last guy I dated verbally abused very badly and I don't understand why? After so many years its definitley taken its toll on myself esteem, but thankfully I got out of the situation and have since moved on. He too has moved on, and with a much less attractive girl, yet he treats her well... or so I hear? I don't understand why he treated me so horribly?

Are you sure nothing went wrong in relationship?( I mean is it just because he don't wanted and nothing wrong from your end?)

I don't think it's fair to generalize all men.

Sounds more like you haven't met the right guys.

A better question would be, why do you keep finding abusive men?

Take more time to get to know a person before entering a romantic relationship.

No, I did everything for him.. anything to please him, so he wouldn't scream at me/put me down/ignore me.. I stood by him until I had enough

Judging by your post,it sounds to me that he may have had an inferiority complex about you.

You say your smart attractive, good career, sense of humour,all the things perhaps he isn't.

He probably felt that he wasn't in control, hence the abuse, which can be a control thing.

Your well out of that situation, I feel it would only have compounded over the years.

You say that he has another girlfriend who he is treating better than you... That could end quickly. I wouldn't be too worried about what he's doing in his life. Chances are, he'll end up alone because he doesn't know how to treat and respect women. Trust me honey, you're not the first one he has been disrespectful to.

Wow, appearances sure are important to you huh?

"much less attractive girl"...

There is never any reason for a guy to be disrespectful to you. Regardless of how you look.

Simply do not allow it.

'I Wish' asks a good question. It's actually not about how much you did for him, but why you did it.

People abuse others because they can. You allowed your ex to do it, so he did.

Abusive people need power and control and they get it by belittling others.
They are very good at choosing 'victims' who are insecure, that doubt themselves and who want to do 'everything' to be liked/loved.

He treated you horribly because you allowed it.

Judging by your post,it sounds to me that he may have had an inferiority complex about you.

You say your smart attractive, good career, sense of humour,all the things perhaps he isn't.

He probably felt that he wasn't in control, hence the abuse, which can be a control thing.

Your well out of that situation, i feel it would only have compounded over the years.

Dead on.

Ive seen many situations like this. The person in question would realise their partner is of high value and possibly even out of their reach, this feels threatening because their partner could pretty much leave at any point and find another due to his/her exceptional qualities. Therefore the person in question is actually self sabotaging themselves because their controlling behaviour pushes their partner further.

Okay, So I have a much different outlook on this whole situation...

You ask," I don't understand why he treated me so horribly?" Because YOU let him! Plain and simple!

First off, not ALL men act that way by treating women badly.. Also, not all women treat men badly... You just happen to have a man who ascted like that with you.

Yeah, you may be pretty, you may smart, you may have a good career, BUT, how were you with him?

You have to ask yourself, why is he so good to his new girlfriend and wasn't with you?

There are two sides to every story.

Why do you think it went wrong?

What were some of the things he said to you to put you down?

Yeah I agree.

Its often, wah wah wah, why is he treating me so bad?

Unless the person has a history of being an abuser, he must have a reason for treating you bad.

When you allow bad behavior, expect more of it.

You've moved on you say,so don't worry about him anymore and don't worry about how he treats any present or future partners.

racquel58 agrees : I agree, though I have a stupid question- How do you disallow it?
First by confronting it, and letting it be known it will not be tolerated, and taking the right actions against it, including removing yourself from the situation.

You just don't let someone treat you badly, because you love yourself too much and KNOW you deserve better so fight for it, and stand up for yourself.

So now we went from "all guys" to only one particular guy?

There are plenty of fish in the sea, why are you making yourself suffer by trapping yourself in the corner with one mean fish?

There are so many nicer fishes out there. You just need to go find them.

You've already broken up. He's not part of your life anymore, why are you still letting him run your life. Not everyone is like that.

It all boils down to chemistry. You mix different people together just like chemicals and you get different reactions. My last girlfriend was also very attractive and claimed the same. "I do everything to please you . . ." I told her "do it to please you not me, I'm already happy and that's why I'm with you". I guess she didn't understand and kept going much out of her way to continually please me but It just wasn't necessary. In the end it was like walking on egg shells.

My advice to you is please your man "sometimes" not all the time. He'll appreciate you a lot more and perhaps not take it for granted.

It sounds like the reason why he treated you that way is, his intimidated about your features. You say your smart, very attractive 23 years old women. So he starts abusing you verbally to make you believe that you can't do better, and his the best thing that you can ever get. His insecure about himself and to make him feel better is to abuse you the best way he can, not physical but emotional. You said you did everything for him. And you even did your best to please him. And you stood by him till you had enough. That's the mistake you made. You gave him power over you, you didn't stand up for yourself, the more he abuse you the more your tend to be there for him, so what his thinking is its OK to treat you that way. You deserve someone better, learn from this life experience and just be happy that you weren't married with him. Next time you find a guy, get to know him and once your ready to get serious lay out some ground rules on what you expect from him in a relationship and vis versa. I was kind of in the same relationship as you were in. I did everything I can for my exgirlfriend. I ask nothing from her but to love me, but it seems like the more I do that, the more she complain that I could never do anything right. Yea it really did took myself esteem down cause she made it believe that I was the worst boyfriend she ever had. Instead of saying something I just keep trying harder and she complain even more, I was giving her power over me and I made her know that. You did that to you exbf and don't let that happen again. Be happy your no longer in that abusive relationship, and even though your heart might feel empty at this moment just think about how beautiful your life is going to be now that you don't have that virus in your life. Hope this helped GOOD LUCK!! We all need it

It's a self esteem thing..
My ex was the same way.
This new girls not so attractive, so it doesn't apply.

I was in the same situation few months ago! I am atractive have everything going on for me but,my exboyfriend still puts me down even thou I did everything for him.Just know it's not you it's him, low self esteem is what it is period.

A guy who I didn't date nor had any serious relations with, sent me awful texts about how ugly I am and how he was never attracted to me, that I was worthless, and need to get rid of acne. I know for a fact that I'm much brighter than he is, and way more attractive than him. I say this because I was not physically attracted to him too much (and sure there are better looking guys) but he had a quality I was attracted to. The things he said to me in those texts made me so sick.

Some guys are scum. Any respectable guy, who is worth your time getting to know would NEVER do anything like that.

Sadly, many girls end up with d-bags, and it screws it up for the rest of us!

There are still "good" guys out there, but many times you have to look beyond the "hot" face and muscles to find them... Such is the plight of the MTV generation.

Any man that abuses and calls woman names has a real problem. I myself am called names buy my boyfriend of 10 years. He calls me stupid, a stiff, I don't know why I am with you. I should have left you years ago. You are dirty. Why don'y you get a tummy tuck. You are a retard! You turned out to be a real stiff. Is that anyway to treat someone you love?

Don't believe the ones who say you let him do it to you.. Abusive people have a tendency to try to control you. They want things to go their way or they feel insecure. There's no excuse for anyone to abuse women. Even if he was angry, there were many better ways of dealing with it. He's probably treating his girlfriend well because he's lost you and he realised the value of love.
It's time to forget your past and put this behind you.. it's a new day :-)

I was married for almost 8 years and for the last 6 years it was verbally abusive. When I did anything that was positive, for example went to school online or bought me a new car I was criticized for doing anything for myself. I was even treated badly when I got a job that allowed me to work from home. I was accused of not really working from home. If I bought a new outfit with my own money he would have something tosay about that. But he would purchase drugs from himself on a weekly basis. Needless to say I am in the process of closing that chapter of my life and moving. It's not worth it.