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View Full Version : Long distance relationship and illness


farh
Mar 9, 2010, 09:29 AM
I've been w my boyfriend for 6 yrs. Now, we've been far apart because he has gone to australia to further his study about 1 yr ago. It seems like it will take 1 n a-half yr more to go. But the problem is rite now, he is diagnosed w an illness. And I can't be there to give him support. I can't travel because I'm down w my own study here plus not really wealthy enough to travel. We always have miscommunication due to lots of things. Worst of all, he's not the kind of guy who would express and share his feelings and sorrows w me. I'm lost and confused. Feeling hopeless too.

chickie543
Mar 9, 2010, 09:39 AM
Long distance relationships are hard. How sick is he? Can he still continue with his studies?

Write him emails, send him e-cards, even send him something in snail mail. If you can't go there then you just have to accept it. But that doesn't mean you can't still be a great girlfriend and care for him.

Devorameira
Mar 9, 2010, 10:29 AM
He may not be a great communicator, but that doesn't mean he can't see and understand your predicament. Just do your best to let him know that you care and you wish you could be there with him. Continue supporting him - write him letters, send him cards, e-mail, text, and talk to him on the phone.

Larken85
Mar 9, 2010, 10:32 AM
Is he dying? If so I would skip out on my studies and get down there how ever possible. But other than that you can only support him with heart felt gifts of thought. You can love him and show him as best you can. I hope it works out for you.

pooja s27
Mar 9, 2010, 02:31 PM
Farah, what kind of illness is your boyfriend suffering from, call him up and speak to him as before you don't have to be confused for this as suggested by others send across emails flowers and strange that 6 years and still he is not open enough with you to share his feelings you have to make a move make him feel that you are with him in all his phases and he can trust you for being there with him. You will never feel hopeless when everything is shareable between you both.

Lucky098
Mar 9, 2010, 03:07 PM
If you can't be there for him physically, then be there for him emotionally. Long distance relationships can be difficult... But times have changed. Cell phones are very capable of sending pictures and videos. You can buy a webcam and talk to him on the phone while looking at each others faces.

If he's sick, I'm sure he'd really appreciate every effort you give to him. I'm pretty sure he understands why you can't physically be there for him.. So why not try other methods?

Good luck

farh
Mar 10, 2010, 10:10 AM
Thank you all for your kind concerns and caring thoughts. He's illness maynot seems tobe v critical but it may affect he's health if he doesn't take care of himself well, as he staysby himself there..

I really appreciated his sincerity and honesty towards me. And most importantly his loyalty towards me. As far as I know, we do love each other very much and the 6 years of relationship was build with much love and care between us.

I guess after all the 6 years, its not that there is no trust at all between us and he was not wanting to sharing his feelings and thoughts with me.

Personality wise, I guess he is like that kind of guy who would keep things cool to himself. What more when we are far apart, he just doesn't want to worry me more by sharing his feelings and problems...

But on the other hand, knowing about his probs will make me feel much more appreciated as I was given the chance to listen to his worries. But he just didn't want to make me worry. And that's when all started that we often find miscommunication happens quite often.

About technology wise, I've tried all sorts of ways to encourage to talk to him. Sometimes he replies my emails. But most of the time, its either the network connection hinders us or it's the timing. Even if we plan, sometimes its just fated to be a failure in the end.

Its easy toay than done. I love him so much.people says distance make the heart grows fonder. But sometimes, I felt that things won't meant to be for me.

I wish
Mar 10, 2010, 10:28 AM
First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about his sickness. Plus the fact that you're not able to visit him, that's a very difficult position for both of you.

Extreme harshness warning

Whether he keeps his thoughts to himself or not and long distance or not, after 6 years, you should have a much better communication system.

You might feel like you love him, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you will make a good couple. Compatibility is a very important aspect and it doesn't seem like you have it.

You're on completely different pages in terms of communication. You're willing to share your thoughts, but after 6 years, he still chooses to remain closed.

I doubt another 6 years will make him open up too.

To add salt to the wound, he's not doing well. I know that you feel like you should stay with him during these tough times and your love for him might be strong. But what happens when he recovers? Will it change his personality? Will he provide you what you want?

There's no way to know the future, so you'll have to wait it out. Patience. Try to be there by the phone to support him if he needs. Health is the most important. Once he's recovered, you can focus on your relationship. When that time comes, you're both going to have to lay all your cards out and see if you're on the same page.

If you can't find a way to get on the same page, then maybe you're better off going your separate ways. There's no reason for you to put your life on hold waiting for someone to change. You deserve better than that.