Last June I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 and a half years. We had bought a house together 2 and a half years into the relationship and after about 6 months of living together things went bad. I feel as if he lost interest in the house and me. He developed a hobbie and I didn't really see him that much. He would spend so much time in the garage it was almost like I was the slave in the house - cleaning, cookng etc.

We still kept in contact because the breakup was not due to any one particular thing i.e.. No one cheated etc. After Christmas we saw each other and things started up again. I bought the house off him so that is where I currently live and he lives with friends.

I do love him and I do believe he loves me but I am wondering if things will just go back to the way there were. I think when we lived together he thought that because we lived together that was time spent together. It was almost like all the effort he used to make to see me and make me happy went away. Also I don't know if he misses me or if he just misses having someone look after him.

There were other problems like money and the fact that I wanted to get married and have children and he was just not ready.

Will he change - should we give things another go or should I move on.

Well... its common to have some of the effort we put into new relationships drop off over time... but that's no excuse for neglect.

So what happened before. I know, you said what he did, how he acted and treated you, but what was behind that? Only he can wade through those waters.

Was he just lazy? Was it that he didn't want to be married, so he just wasn't as vested?

Unless you can pinpoint what was wrong and how that is now "fixed", there's no great reason to believe it'll be different.

I've worked with addicts before who talk about having a relapse... and oftentimes I think to myself "you were never recovering"... recovering mean doing things differently, changing your life system... and I think that applies to broken relationships.

We have members here who will write about friends or family who went through a split and later reunited (and it feels so good... sorry) with lasting results. Most of the time I'm pessimistic.

So... there were issues with money. Has that been addressed? Issues about marriage. Issues with motivation. Issues with neglect. What were the causes and how are things different now?

So... you know nobody here can predict whether he has changed, or whether any change will be lasting.

It didn't work the first time round,no issues have been solved or even discussed-leave sleeping dogs be.
This guy's not on the same page as you.

Move forward with your own life and heal completely from the breakup.

I don't know. I am all about second chances (or tenth chances for that matter) But I don't know if he has really changed. I'm sure in 5.5 years you two talked about your feelings a few times and it doesn't really sound like things got better. Words are words anyway, you need to see the change before you will ever be able to even tell. And my guess would be that you won't know until you try. If you do try it again (big gamble) take it slow and make sure he does his part. Don't take no for an answer and if he is not spending enough time with you make him or break him. (break up with him I mean.) A relationship must go both ways, in all aspects. He has to give you attention, cause we aren't in the 1940's anymore. And insist that you are not a housewife in occupation, that you are a house wife in choice. (I know there is not a marriage here but just go with it.) and That the cleaning and cooking is sometlhing it is time for him to share with you. It will be both of your house if he moves back in and he needs to shape up and take on some of the responsibilities

If you have not resolved the issues that broke you up the first time, then don't expect any good to come of this the second time.

For whatever reason you split, I would be in no hurry to get back together and suspect that not enough healing and recovery time has gone by for you to even think about trying this again.

Give this a lot of thought, and I do mean a lot. There is no hurry, even if he is more than willing to get back what he had and lost. That may not be what you want, and need, as it wasn't enough before. What has really changed?

Honest answers only. While I believe in second chances, they must be earned, not just given.

Hi,

Did you ever try to know why is he not interested in marrying? Is it because he doesn't like to stick back with you, is it he can't take up extra responsibility? If you believe giving an second try would fix things then give a try but don't try just because you have give a try, I you want to move on then do move on but discuss with him so that you will not have a feeling you never gave a last try wish I would have tried never give this chance to think. Think and move forward, don't move on and then think