I have a great personality I know I do
but even I donno how to bring the best in myself
it takes a lot of work
specially with all the distraction from the outside (the people/ the noise/ the thoughts of others... )
so I am kind of dying in here
I don't have any one special in my life unless for my boyfriend.. my mom.. my bro.. And just that
but all of them don't go in the friend zone!
my mother I open up to her but no too much.. after all there is the age difference
and my bro is still young.. too young
any my boyfriend needs a lady by his side.. not a crying baby as me
but the thing is I don't cry
I had shut down from that long time ago.. sure I cry.. but most of the times I feel I am not getting any where
in life I mean
I study and I am doing OK
I have good things in my life that I am thankful of
but the big part is missing
I am talking about myself
if I don't socalize from my heart with any one
how do u expect me to be myself
I am not myself
I don't know who myself anymore
I have fake friends.. so superficialand judging
but I care less about what they think of me
I don't even consider them my friends
they r just people I meet when I go to my university
I donno what to do anymore
I want to give up on myself
because no matter how hard I try
I end up being lonely
not all of us has the same background
some of us have great parents
great sisters/ brothers...
and their r many examples such as not many of us can open their hearts that easily
I cant!
all my life my parents.. and the community I am in had been telling me..
close your heart and do as we say
so all my life I had been struggling
until I reach to this point
that I am OK
that I love myself
that I want to be confident about myself
and I want to think free
and just be true about every thing
and that was not an easy thing to do when I grow up in such an environment!
I am not complaining about who I am.. I am just complaining about the people around me..
they don't help at all
in fact if any one sees I am happy.. they go after me until they make sure what is with me that makes me happy
and they act like I am doing something wrong.. or they tend to make me sad (friends talking behind my back.. friends stealing money from me.. friends tried to steel my boyfriend from me... etc)
so all of that and yes I can't trust any one around me! And I think I have all the right to do so
but all of that is exhausting
and I am just saying
how can I know me.. if there is not a loving one around me at all
unless those few people I mentioned earlier..
and I am sorry but I am not the kind of person who settle for less than what I want
I am a perfectionest.. my boyfriend knows it.. and he tried to satisfy me all the time.. and my mom can't keep up with me always! And my brother needs me.. but not in a direct way as he used to need me when he was a baby.. but I know he wants my advice at least every day
and a lot of times I feel I turn him down.. just because I need an advice!
but there is still me in a person who is dying to be more happy
and say yes to life = )

Wha about your boyfriend? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/bf-not-romantic-anymore-444746.html

Why are you still with him if he doesn't love you the way you want?

You can't expect or force others to love you. It's a natural occurrence.

But you need to learn to love yourself before wanting others to love you.

Focus on doing things for yourself to make yourself happy, as opposed to expecting to get happiness through other people.

The only person who can complicate your life is YOU.

If there are things that you do not like about yourself, friends, family, life... Then only you can change that! Take these so called friends of yours... With friends like yours, who needs enemies!

Change what you don't like and keep what you do...