I haven't had a problem in the past that I know of but I am in a new relationship that is progressing to the point of being sexual and I know that my new partner has had well endowed men in the past and I know that my 6 inch length and 4.7 inch girth may be a problem because it is small girth, she has told me that size doesn't matter it's the motion of the ocean but I am a little nervous... should I be?

If she says you shouldn't--why aren't you believing her?

Size isn't everything.

It's not the size of the stick, it's the magic in the wand.

I've been with very large guys and very small, what counts is the time he takes, knowing a woman's body, foreplay. The actual penetration isn't the major turn on, it's what he does before that really sets the mood and the tone, at least for me.

You're average, so why worry?

I have to wonder the age of the poster, most men know size has nothing to do with it, outside of bragging in the high school shower room.

No two ladies are satisfied exactly the same way, so communication on what each likes is most important.

And as noted, it is the foreplay that really does the job

I have a fear of the size and shape of my penis.

Its crooked and bent and not a lot of girth.

I have a fear of getting naked with a woman because I fear she will reject me and I believe that was a big part of why I really messed up my last relationship.

I feel l ike it defines me even though I know that is crazy.

Is this normal? Is there anything I can do about it?

Should I worry so much?

How old are you?

29


I really have a fear about it. I know I shouldn't and I'm going to do my best not to have that fear, but it really is hard cause I am very self conscious about something I know I shouldn't be.

Nope, no need to be self conscious about it. Sometimes, if bent in the right direction it gives a woman very special stimulation.

It's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. I'm sure you've heard that before.

I've just struggled with this insecurity for so long,

I also always find that I will be compared to guys who are bigger,

I struggle with the fact that they will find me to small/skinny, not enough girth,

It kills me because I believe it was the main reason I screwed up a relationship with a woman who really liked me a lot and showed me love like no one ever has.

Well, think about it. If a guy has a rather large girth, don't you think it's going to hurt the woman?

We don't care about the size of the penis, we care about what you can DO with the penis.

I don't understand who is comparing you - you've been with women who have compared you to other men? Or you are comparing yourself?

I never found penis size to be a factor in any direction (good, bad, indifferent) and I agree with J9.

In a loving relationship I don't think it matters.

How did your insecurities destroy your last relationship?

I was afraid to do anything with her in fear of being rejected. This led me to missing opportunities to proceed further into the relationship. I then started making mistakes with my money, 8 months later I tried to come clean about my financial matters and all hell broke loose. She had made it loud and clear early on in the relationship that I should take her physically not to mention emotionally. I didn't want to lose her so I never did anything physical. I couldn't even bring myself to kiss her. My physical insecurites led me to many other problems where I couldn't be natural in anything I did. I broke her heart and put her through misery in our time together. I couldn't even see how loud and clear it was that she liked me a lot. I had never been with a woman who was as beautiful as her and who knew what she wanted so clearly. I had never been in a relationship where we got along so well. We enjoyed so many of the same things and doing them together. It wasn't until after she broke up with me that I began to see how passive and unopen I was. Half of it was because I was scared she would reject me when we became sexual and half of the problem was I let my financial affairs become a huge mess. I really have beat myself up hard over this these last five months because its hard to meet women now a days, and I had met a woman who I had waited for, for so long and she was everything I wanted but because I couldn't see things clearly I did myself in bad.

Now its like I don't know how I will meet somebody as good and loving as she was to me, and how I can explain how I screwed my life up so bad the last 12 months.

I am working on getting my financial affairs in order and I have been working on myself these l ast five months even while I have been mentally beating myself up.

How have you been working on yourself?

We can tell you that it doesn't matter, but it's up to you to work this out. The fact is, it really doesn't matter, and any woman that compares you to another man is not a woman to spend any time on.

I've been with men that are huge, and men that are below average. I can honestly say that size really doesn't matter.

There are many ways to pleasure a woman, and the size of your penis is the furthest down on that list.

Be confident in yourself because you really have no reason not to be.

If a girl compares you to another guy, walk away, she's not a keeper anyway.

I have been working on communication, I have bought books and have read them and am practicing them, I have bought 30 books in the last since April, books to help me understand communication, boundaries, myself, integrity, my past, spirtuality. I have instead of staying home and sulking I ventured into my city(toronto) and have tried to familiarize myself with it. I got into a church group to help me learn to connect with others better, although I have stopped going for about 2 months now. I had kept going to church for the first few months, although I stopped 2 months ago. I have been working on my financial affairs these last 6 weeks, really trying to get on budget and start saving.

At this time last year I had my own apartment, my car was on the road. I would like these things back but also to stay on budget and save money at the same time and still have a outside life. It's a slow process but it is moving forward.

I have had a fear of the dentists but this too I am working on. I have an appointenment scheduled tommmorow, this is a huge step for me.

I really have been studying what true honesty is and empathy, and learning to love myself better.

I have read a lot on physcology, 1 doctor in particular. I have five of his books.

Im working more hours at work and trying my best.

Dealing with how badly I messed up the last year is really hard, with the girl, with my own affairs, with money. This is hardest for me.

I hate not having the girl, my apartment, a budget, my car.

I hate knowing I had all these things last year but because I wasn't sure of myself and I had insecurites and have insecurites is the hardest.

I really beat myself up over how I screwed up the last year, hurting her and myself.

ive just struggled with this insecurity for so long,

I also always find that I will be compared to guys who are bigger,

I struggle with the fact that they will find me to small/skinny, not enough girth,

it kills me becasue i believe it was the main reason i screwed up a relationship with a woman who really liked me alot and showed me love like no one ever has.

This just shows me that she really cared about you and that your size wasn't a concern of hers. It was a concern of yours.

So right there, that should tell you that she was with you for you. Not your man hood.

This is something that you are just going to have to get over. If a woman doesn't like you for you, well then you don't want her any way.

There are many women out there who don't mind penis sizes. As J9 said, it's not size, it'show it is used.

You had a beautiful girl in a relationship with no sexual contact yet she stayed with you and waited for you to be ready. Did you read what you wrote? You had a beautiful woman who was so attracted to you that she waited for you to take her sexually - she didn't leave - she could have - but she stayed with who? YOU. So now we have to figure out what is so special about you that a women would devote so much time and effort to be around you waiting for you to move off the dime.

I am going to leave that to you - tell us what are the qualities that kept this well put together woman in your life? Make it an accurate list. I am not interested in what you think you don't have, you wrote about that ad infinitum. I want to know what she saw in you. I trust the judgment of a good woman she not waste time with losers. So show me what you got.

You had them once and you will get them again only this time you will have them with conviction that you deserve good and will not self - sabotage.

She did not leave because you had no money. She left because you refused to be intimate and you lied.

I hear a man who is concerned about the opinions of others. What will the world think if I fail at...

Maybe it's just me, but if a man is able to help me have orgasms, and is kind. I don't care at all about the size or shape of his penis or how financially successful he is.

Some women were raised in a way that demands a lifestyle dependent on money. If you are able to make a lot of money, life is easier in general but a financially dependent woman is just that, dependent.

You had a beautiful girl in a relationship with no sexual contact yet she stayed with you and waited for you to be ready. Did you read what you wrote?? You had a beautiful woman who was so attracted to you that she waited for you to take her sexually - she didn't leave - she could have - but she stayed with who? YOU. So now we have to figure out what is so special about you that a women would devote so much time and effort to be around you waiting for you to move off the dime.

I am going to leave that to you - tell us what are the qualities that kept this well put together woman in your life? Make it an accurate list. I am not interested in what you think you don't have, you wrote about that ad infinitum. I want to know what she saw in you. I trust the judgment of a good woman she not not waste time with losers. So show me what you got.


She saw a guy who wouldn't let anything stop him. She saw a guy who could take care of himself. A guy who was sure of himself. She saw a guy who wasn't a fool and rush into things. She saw a really smart guy. Someone who was very positive and who could look at the brighter side of things. She saw a guy who was fun and was ready to go, try anything. She saw a guy who knew he was good in bed. She saw a guy who wasn't afraid to stand out from the rest. She saw a lot of confidence. She saw a guy who knows what he wants. She saw a guy who was also spirtual. She saw a guy she could confide in and who would be there for her. She saw a guy who understood.

Unfortuantely I just wasn't ready. It hurts to have everything I wanted in a woman and lose it.


I was so confused, It was weird because as soon as she broke up with me, I changed on impact, and instead of giving her the distance she wanted I pushed and pushed, fighting so hard to try and hold onto everything I ever wanted, everything that was so special to me and her. I let her down, I let me down.

Its hard seeing how I will ever love like that again or receive a love like that again.

I understand I can't make it about me anymore, that I just have to realize this is just life. BUT wow, talk about not easy.

Don't be confused as we all get into things we are not ready for and can't handle. I think if you just chalk this up to experience and keep working on your own personal issues, then next time you will do better having gone through this and survived.

Never let fear stop you from trying, no matter what happens.

I don't know why allie wanted me to list what I had.

It kills me to look back and see how I watched her pull away, and could not see anything for what it was. I don't know how I could have been so blind.

U know I'm over the relationship,

Im just being hard on myself for letting this fall apart, I don't know how I could have let this happen.

I don't know why allie wanted me to list what I had.
I think she was trying to show you that you must have had something going on that was good about you for the girl to get with you in the first place.

Stop being so negative, and fatalistic. Relationships fail all the time for many reasons, even when you are doing all the right things. Humans are that way, as what we think is good, is not so good, and sometimes we just change our mind, feelings, and attitude.

Keep living, as you will experience being with someone, and though they are good to you, and good for you, your feelings can change.

Then you will understand, and not take it personally. We all have issues that are unique to us, and whether we like it or not, others just can't handle us, and even in time don't want to.

Happens to us all, no matter what our issues maybe. Let go, and do better latter. Someone who can and wants To deal with you and your issues will be along. Keep your chin up fella. Your still learning how to deal with yourself.

Thanks for the comments tal, I do appreciate.

I really messed up a good relationship and it stopped me cold in my tracks when she left me.

Its been 6 months now, and 17 days since I stopped texting her, I went a period of almost 50 days where I didn't text her,

I say this because looking back at these six months I just wish I hadn't done the calling her phone thing and texting profusely.

That's not me, I don't do those things yet I did them. That's not the kind of person I am.

I would do anything to have her back, a chance to be on my feet with a clear head and try it over again... God knows how much the relationship meant to me and how much my heart was in it.

I still feel the same way, as my last post. It was everything I ever wanted and I fkd it up, I don't know why she could hang around for so long and now hate my guts, never wanting to speak to me again. She thinks I'm a stalker and that I totally manipulated her.

I'm not a stalker or manipulated her, I just know things would have been so different if I could have just made the right choices and been who I am today,

I don't know where to go from here, I lost everything I looked for in a woman, my dream. Everything reminds me of how special I had it and its as if I am crasy, like its not even true because how she feels now, how Im without her.

Im a good guy, big heart, I feel like I help these women so much, and then I get thrown to the side of the road, left with so much pain.


How do I get into a new relationship with this kind of past? I feel like I have no right to get into any kind of relationship because if the new girl met the old girl they wouldn't want anything to do with me... I made mistakes... the old relationship shouldn't have ended let alone get to the point where she is threatening to call the cops and believes the whole relationship was a big manipulation... church, restaurants, conversations, laughs, day trips, movies.


Does any women have any comments?

I can't believe how badly I screwed up,


If I couldn't make it work with her, how I am going to make it work with someone else? How do I go through that again?


I feel like a stranger in my own body, I feel that my truth isn't even the truth, I feel like everything I do now isn't what I should be doing, I feel so used and taken advantage of.

does any women have any comments?

i can't believe how badly i screwed up,

First of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's not very becoming.

Stop dwelling on what you HAD and start thinking about what you can HAVE. Take all of this as a learning lesson. Move forward. She doesn't want to have any thing to do with you. You said it yourself, she thinks you are stalking her and she has threatened to call the police. She is obviously scared of you. As a woman, that is a scary feeling to have.

Please leave her alone.

I know you don't want to hear any of this, but you need to let this woman go. You will have love again. You are young (29) and this isn't the only one out there.

Stop putting so much focus on her and focus on you. It's good that you have been reading up on relationships.

Once you are in a place where you feel comfortable, then put yourself out there to meet other women.

I had to reread this entire post, considering it has been a while since your original post. Reading through I noticed that you had financial problems? How is that now 6 months later?

I get made out to be such a bad guy, its friggn bs. I made a mistake. But I'm such a bad guy, all the memories mean nothing, I didn't care or mean any of it. I didn't mean to make the mistakes. Yet it changed her feelings to the point where I'm such a bad guy

i feel like a stranger in my own body, i feel that my truth isn't even the truth, i feel like everything i do now isn't what I should be doing, i feel so used and taken advantage of.

How do you feel taken advantage of?


I get made out to be such a bad guy, its friggn bs. I made a mistake. but im such a bad guy, all the memories mean nothing, I didn't care or mean any of it. I didn't mean to make the mistakes. yet it changed her feelings to the point where im such a bad guy

Dear, please quit posting new things over and over, I can't keep up with you. LOL Just calm down and answer my first two posts so that I can try to help you.

Thank you.

Dear, please quit posting new things over and over, I can't keep up with you. LOL Just calm down and answer my first two posts so that I can try to help you.

Thank you.


Okay, I do appreciate your listening.


How do you feel taken advantage of??

I feel taken advantage many ways. I feel taken advantage of because of how she turned the tables on me after I made my mistake with the money situation. I feel taken advantage of because of how she wouldn't give me the time or day after she used me to make sure she had her life setup without me in it, as we had spent the previous nine months together everyday. I feel used by the different perspectives on life she took from being with me. With God, with relationships, with everything. With letting me completely bury myself after she made sure she was set up without me.
With making me out to be this bad guy... not the guy who helped her believe in God and Jesus, taking her out on an ice rink since she was just a kid and getting her over her fear, so much.


First of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's not very becoming.

Tell me about it.

Stop dwelling on what you HAD and start thinking about what you can HAVE. Take all of this as a learning lesson. Move forward. She doesn't want to have any thing to do with you. You said it yourself, she thinks you are stalking her and she has threatened to call the police. She is obviously scared of you. As a woman, that is a scary feeling to have. I understand that.

Please leave her alone.

I know you don't want to hear any of this, but you need to let this woman go. You will have love again. You are young (29) and this isn't the only one out there.

Stop putting so much focus on her and focus on you. It's good that you have been reading up on relationships.

Once you are in a place where you feel comfortable, then put yourself out there to meet other women.

I had to reread this entire post, considering it has been a while since your original post. Reading through I noticed that you had financial problems? How is that now 6 months later?

my finances are in much better shape, and only getting better

I feel taken advantage many ways. I feel taken advantage of because of how she turned the tables on me after I made my mistake with the money situation. I feel taken advantage of because of how she wouldn't give me the time or day after she used me to make sure she had her life setup without me in it, as we had spent the previous nine months together everyday. I feel used by the different perspectives on life she took from being with me. With God, with relationships, with everything. With letting me completely bury myself after she made sure she was set up without me.
with making me out to be this bad guy...not the guy who helped her believe in God and Jesus, taking her out on an ice rink since she was just a kid and getting her over her fear, so much.

Le me ask you this, do you want to be with someone who makes you feel used?

It bothers me that she can go from loving me so much to fearing me to this point, like?

I feel so at a loss as to what happened, I don't know how I could have screwed up so badly. It bothers me knowing I finally am the guy that she had seen in me then, but couldn't be then because I couldn't feel it myself or see it myself, which I tried telling her when she told me why she like me, even though telling her otherwise fell upon deaf ears.


No enigma I don't want to be with someone who makes me feel used. I know how much she cared and wasn't using me while we were together but after that night I changed her feelings about me for the worse, that's all I can feel... used... thus my frustration.


I was given everything I could have asked for and didn't capture the moment. Now I'm left with no relationship, no everything I asked for, a whole pile of wisdom, confidence, passion, desire, romance that I have but with no one to give it, and a tag of being the bad/stalker/feared guy by her.


I know I'm not sounding very becoming.

Knowing I am the guy she needed then but wanting nothing to do with me... is difficult... its difficult having a whole pile of exp. Wisdom, confidence, passion, desire, romance that I have but with no one to give it, and a tag of being the bad/stalker/feared guy by her.

Its difficult being seen by a true woman, as a real man, younger then her mind you, and not being it until its too late... its hard to get my mind around...

i was given everything i could have asked for and didn't capture the moment. now im left with no relationship, no everything i asked for, a whole pile of wisdom, confidence, passion, desire, romance that I have but with no one to give it, and a tag of being the bad/stalker/feared guy by her.

If you and the closest people in your life know that you're not a stalker, then that's all that matters.

People are going to say and do what they want. That is beyond your control.

You just keep being a good person who is working on himself. You will have that passion for someone again.

We have all had breakups. Some better than others, but we all have been there. I myself, lost the love of my life. Am I over it? I am now. Did it take time? Yes. It passed though and it will for you.

I'm completely numb, I knew it was going to come to this the whole time, I couldn't make myself feel or put into action the guy that I am and that she seen until it was too late. My life has been so twisted these last two years. I just want it to stop.

im completely numb, I knew it was going to come to this the whole time, I couldn't make myself feel or put into action the guy that I am and that she seen until it was too late. my life has been so twisted these last two years. I just want it to stop.

You are the only one who can make it stop. Dwelling on this won't help you out.

You are in charge of you. The best way for you to let go is to forgive her and learn from this.

If you and the closest people in your life know that you're not a stalker, then that's all that matters.

People are going to say and do what they want. That is beyond your control.

You just keep being a good person who is working on himself. You will have that passion for someone again.

We have all had breakups. Some better than others, but we all have been there. I myself, lost the love of my life. Am I over it? I am now. Did it take time? Yes. It passed though and it will for you.


That makes me happy to hear Enigma. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you. I hate the fact that I became someone I stand against. I wish I could change it all, I wish I could feel and know what I do now, back then. I just want to get it right, I tried so hard with her.


I never wanted to hurt her, or make her afraid of me, she felt so protected and in the right direction when she was with me until that night I screwed up with my words about money. She will forever hate my guts for leading her on like that. I didn't mean to. I didn't see the choices, I felt so pressured, and it led me to wrong decisions that cost me her feelings towards me.

i never wanted to hurt her, or make her afraid of me, she felt so protected and in the right direction when she was with me until that night i screwed up with my words about money. she will forever hate my guts for leading her on like that. I didn't mean to. I didn't see the choices, i felt so pressured, and it led me to wrong decisions that cost me her feelings towards me.

Do you feel like you have learned a lesson from all of this?

You, I feel like I learned too many lessons. I love learning but I hated every bit of the lessons I have taken from this.


It feels so unfair, trying to except that is hardest, God I loved that girl.


How would I explain this to anyone? How do you get over these feelings?

The self defeat, the cruelty?


What am I missing? I can't imagine the regret she must hold against me.

What am I missing?

I have to learn to take it like a man. Realize that I just have to make the next one better?

Give to the next woman everything I didn't with my ex?

Be confident in myself that I learned a lot and will be a stronger guy for the next woman who decided to give me her beating heart?

what am i missing? I can't imagine the regret she must hold against me.

What am i missing?

I have to learn to take it like a man. Realize that i just have to make the next one better?

Give to the next woman everything I didn't with my ex?

Be confident in myself that I learned a lot and will be a stronger guy for the next woman who decided to give me her beating heart?

That's all you can do is learn and be confident for the future.

I never want to break a heart again

i never want to break a heart again

You seem very innocent for a 29 year old...

I wouldn't clasify it as you breaking her heart. I just think that you two weren't meant to be. That's all.

These things happen all of the time.

Life seldom judges right, or wrong, but its more how we react to what life throws at us, and the feelings that get brought to the surface, and stirred around. No one can predict the outcome of their actions, or the actions of others, all we can do is cope with the experience, learn, and try to do better next time.

Sounds like you are becoming a victim of your own fear, or guilt, and hopefully you can overcome it to grow and live through this experience. Its not easy, and it takes time. Eventually you will be able to take risks again, instead of being afraid to take a chance.

Tal man,

You know, you watched me go through this relationship from just what I posted in the friends or more thread,

Man, I know you can only go from what I posted but this woman loved me, and I put her through **** and she still stuck by me. I tried putting her through one last thing and it was way too much for her. Then after she broke it with me I coouldn't just respect her wishes and leave her alone... I had to go through the stupid calling messaging **** to get her to the point of completely hating me. Its hard living with myself knowing how badly I screwed up while with her and after it broke off... im not a stalker or the guy that made all these mitakes, when it does it end?

Im so embarrassed and angry and hurt and ashamed and don't know how I could ever be with anyone again.


I couldn't believe what I put her through and so what do I do, I put her through it again,

Unbelievable,

I am not the kind of guy who would do it let alone do it again, but I did,

I can never see it until its too late and I've made it a big mess it seems.

At some point you have to let those feelings go, and forgive yourself, and learn to make better decisions about your actions. Feelings will always get in the way of Good Orderly Directions, but its up to YOU to get beyond the feelings, and deal with the facts.

No excuse for knowingly doing the wrong thing, so get your a$$ off the pity pot, and start doing the right things for yourself, and others. If you don't know what the right thing to do is, ask someone who does, or think about it until you do!