I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years, 5 months ago. He was going through a divorce and it took a toll on our relationship. About 1 1/2 months ago, after his divorce was finalized he came to me and wanted me to give him another chance. I was apprehensive and decided it wasn't a good idea, even though I still loved him. A few days ago I approached him and we talked. He asked me how I was and told me he still loved me and that he thought that he was dreaming that he was actually talking to me. He thought that I would never talk to him again. I told him that I don't blame him for anything that had happened in our relationship and I just wanted him to know that. We hugged and he told me he loved me.
That day in work he emailed me and asked me to call him, and I did. He said that he meant everything he said to me and that things will be OK with us, and that he was glad that I had approached him earlier that day. I reaffirmed to him that I just wanted him to know that I held no ill feelings towards him. He answered me by saying that he knows. He told me he loved me and we hung up.
Today, 2 days later, I called him and we chatted awhile. Then he called me back 2 hours later and we chatted some more.
I am just wondering, if I did the right thing by contacting him . I feel like maybe he might take it as a weakness on my part. During our relationship, he did things that hurt me because of his divorce. Including lying to me, which was because he tried to spare my feelings for fear that I would break up with him, which eventually I did.
I want to know how to handle this because I do love him, but not at the cost of me being a fool for him.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years, 5 months ago. He was going through a divorce and it took a toll on our relationship.

This was all I had to read….. but I continued on.


About 1 1/2 months ago, after his divorce was finalized he came to me and wanted me to give him another chance.

You should read this as, About a month and half ago my ex boyfriend who I had an affair with was horny.


I was apprehensive and decided it wasn't a good idea, even though I still loved him. A few days ago I approached him and we talked. He asked me how I was and told me he still loved me and that he thought that he was dreaming that he was actually talking to me. He thought that I would never talk to him again. I told him that I don't blame him for anything that had happened in our relationship and I just wanted him to know that.

Do you blame him for being married?


I am just wondering, if I did the right thing by contacting him . I feel like maybe he might take it as a weakness on my part. During our relationship, he did things that hurt me

Like nailing his wife while you stayed at home?


Including lying to me,

If you can’t trust a married man having a 6 year affair, who can you trust?



I want to know how to handle this because I do love him, but not at the cost of me being a fool for him.

I realize love pulls you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do, but getting out now is an investment in your emotional future. This guy is going to lie and cheat again, and you have no excuse not to know.

I don't think you understand! He was separated when I met him and he was going through a contested divorce. The month and a half ago that I was talking about when he contacted me was not because of sex! I didn't sleep with him. He wanted me to know that his divorce was finally over. As far as him nailing his wife, that's not what I meant, but if he was, you're right, she was being "nailed" because I wasn't sleeping with him long before we broke up!

Messy divorce would be an understatement. As he's going through the divorce process, there's a lot of emotional baggage and drama. The emotional dust of his break up was not finished. Therefore, you were his rebound.

Now the divorce has been finalized, his wife is out of the picture, you've become his consolation prize.

If after 6 years, you haven't stablized your relationship with him, then when will it happen? Will you give him another 6 years and then we have the same conversation again?

If you really loved him as much as you say you do and he loves you as much as he says he does, then you wouldn't have so many doubts and the relationship wouldn't feel so forced.

6 years is more than enough. Move on with your life and find someone to have a healthy relationship with.

You're right. I am also mad at myself for breaking the NC rules. Thank you!

Talaniman Rule - Never get involved with someone who is still dealing with an ex.
Messy divorce or not, there is seldom an excuse for mistreating someone. I don't care what he was going through.

So don't reward him for it!

Go back to NC and move on with your own life.

Let him handle his own,including getting over his marriage.